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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24573604">Afterglow</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/being_happy/pseuds/being_happy'>being_happy</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Miraculous Ladybug</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anxiety Attacks, Blood and Injury, Chat Noir/Marinette Dupain-Cheng Fluff, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Happy Ending, Evil Lila Rossi, Evil Nathalie, F/M, Falling In Love, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Forgiveness, Gentleness, Graphic Description, Heavy Angst, Hot Mess Adrien Agreste, Hot Mess Marinette Dupain-Cheng, Identity Reveal, Love Confessions, Major character death - Freeform, Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug Identity Reveal, Minor Character Death, Non-Sexual Intimacy, PLEASE READ WITH CAUTION., Panic Attacks, Physical Intimacy, Protective Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir, Protective Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug, Protectiveness, Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt, Suicide Recovery, THERES GONNA BE A HAPPY ENDING I SWEAR, Thing will get dark, Wishes, but they come back to life!!, evil Felix, one sided identity reveal, please read carefully, things will get dark</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 04:20:29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>46</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>310,869</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24573604</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/being_happy/pseuds/being_happy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>During the final battle with Scarlet Moth, Ladybug takes a fatal blow, and Chat Noir has to watch as the love of his life dies in his arms.<br/>He can't do it, he can't live without her.<br/>Her earrings...<br/>The wish...<br/>It's all too much to take, and with a terrible warning of a darkness the wish comes with, Chat Noir takes the final plunge and begs for her to come back.<br/>She does... but maybe it was too much for her to take in the end.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>(Adrinette), (Ladrien), (Ladynoir) - Relationship, (Marichat), Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir &amp; Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug, Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir/Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug, Alya Césaire/Nino Lahiffe</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>437</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>562</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Playing God</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/jamari/gifts">jamari</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Oh boy, you ready for a wild ride? I told you something was coming your way!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chapter 1: Playing God</p><p> </p><p>It was a dark day in Paris. Although, no one would’ve expected it to be, considering the sun was out, the flowers were in full bloom, and the streets were filled with people. The Seine was filled to the brim with happy families, blankets, and picnic baskets in every sun lit area the Parisians could find. It was a lovely day, a beautiful day, and it was almost too perfect, like a calm before the storm, right before the trigger is pulled, anticipation running through your veins like a cold river of blood.</p><p>Well, the streets were filled with that.</p><p>It was quick and sudden, smoke boiling into the air, raging hot flames consumed cars, buildings and Parisian homes. School alarms could be heard from many blocks away, and the sirens of police cars, fire trucks and ambulances raced through the streets. People screamed and ran, running from it all like a bunch of crazed zombies, only, they were very much alive, except for the fact that they were being hunted down.</p><p>One by one, people were picked off, staining the streets in blood. Horrified children were left in their panic, staring down at their cold, lifeless parent’s bodies. Parents watched in horror as they weren’t fast enough to save their child. Loved ones, families and friends suffered, separated and searched for any signs of life, but the only ones they found were the ones not of their own.</p><p>It lasted all day, smoke making the streets turn dark from blocking out the sun, and fire casting an eerie, orange glow upon the concrete. The Parisian’s screams were filled with terror as they ran for cover, but they always found them, always. No matter where they were, they always found them, and maybe it was because it was their own loved ones hunting them down.</p><p>What was causing all this chaos?</p><p>Chat Noir grabbed Ladybug’s wrist and pulled her down, just as a ball of fire flew over their heads. He pulled her against him before rolling away again, dodging a few more fire balls and pulled her into an alleyway and out of sight. </p><p>They were in bad shape; Chat Noir’s side was cut, and he held pressure against it as blood slowly drained out of him. It wasn’t that bad, but it was enough to make him hiss and catch Ladybug’s attention.</p><p>“You okay?” she asked him, gripping his arm.</p><p>He grimaced, “Yeah, I’ll be fine.”</p><p>She looked at his wound, her eyebrows knitting in concern. “That looks bad, Chat.”</p><p>He shrugged her concern off, putting on a brave face. “It’s okay, My Lady, I’m not the concern right now.”</p><p>She shook her head, reaching out to him again and twisting his body until she could see the wound better. “Oh my God, Chat, you’re bleeding a lot.”</p><p>He looked down at it, twisting his head enough to see it. It really hadn’t felt like much, just a side graze from that one akuma’s blades that he snapped in half right afterwards. It stung a lot, but it didn’t feel as bad as it looked now.</p><p>“We need to get you patched up,” she said, grabbing his arm and pulling him deeper into the alleyway.</p><p>He pulled back, giving her a look. “We can’t just leave the battle; people are in danger.”</p><p>“Rena Rouge, Carapace and Queen Bee will handle it for now,” she said, grabbing his hand, surprising him. “I can’t have you bleeding out in the middle of the battlefield.” She tugged on him, and this time he didn’t resist. “Now, let me patch you up, so we can rejoin the fight.”</p><p>He relented, following her deeper into the dark alleyway. She helped him lean against the wall, before running back out into the street to find a first aid kit. She came back nearly three minutes later with a small white box in her hand, jogging up to him with a worried expression.</p><p>“You don’t look so good,” she said, helping him slide down the wall and sit on the ground, her settling with her knees tucked under her on his injured side.</p><p>He leaned his head against the wall behind him, feeling like a thousand needles were pricking his skin. “Yeah, well, I did get hit by a freaking sword.”</p><p>“You didn’t have to, you know,” she said under her breath. She opened the first aid kit and rummaged around a bit as Chat watched her.</p><p>“And let you get hurt? No way,” he said, smiling up at her. “That blade would’ve hurt you more than me,” he said.</p><p>“Thanks,” she said sarcastically, not lifting her eyes to him.</p><p>He gave her a serious look, “My Lady.”</p><p>She looked up at the sound of her nickname, her eyes landing on his and softening as she gazed into his eyes. She grew a worried crinkle between her eyebrows, and it always annoyed the hell out of Chat because it was the most adorable thing he’s ever seen.</p><p>They’ve grown closer in the last few months, Chat noticing how Ladybug slowly became more physical with him, and occasionally laughed at his lame cat puns. He would catch her stealing glances at him from the side, although maybe it was just his obliviousness, but she seemed a little different when she was around him. He even caught her blushing when he leaned in a little too close for comfort.</p><p>Again, maybe it was his obliviousness, but a guy can hope.</p><p>“I’m okay,” he reassured, giving her a warm smile. “Now, patch me up so we can get back out there.”</p><p>She seemed to relax at his words, and finally pulled out a few supplies from the first aid kit she found. His suit was cut open enough so that she didn’t need to remove half of his suit, which has happened before, and it made both of them flush a little more than usual. He grimaced and squirmed as she applied the rubbing alcohol around his wound, her apologizing profusely to him. She finally placed a few pieces of gaze over the wound and used tape to hold it in place.</p><p>“Well,” Ladybug said, leaning back to look at her work. “It wouldn’t make a doctor proud, but it’ll do until the Miraculous cure kicks in.”</p><p>She grabbed his hand and helped him to his feet, his side throbbing but he felt better with it covered as they walked towards the edge of the alleyway, peeking out.</p><p>“Scarlet Moth has to be nearby,” Ladybug said, not looking at him as her eyes focused on the street around them. “The akuma attacks are more intense here, and he would want to keep his most valuable akumas near him.”</p><p>“You’re right,” Chat said, glancing around the street. Before he could say much else, Ladybug pulled him back, just as another akuma rounded the far corner and coming towards them.</p><p>She placed a finger to her lips before making a few hand signals that meant ‘<em>jump attack.</em>’ He nodded in response and readied himself, gripping his baton in his hands as he heard the footsteps nearing.</p><p>“<em>Now,</em>” Ladybug said, and he followed her out into the street.</p><p>They landed right in front of the akuma, a red suited figure that held a red tinted purse in her hand. She jumped in surprise, and Chat used that opportunity to extend his staff, knocking her unbalanced. Ladybug lunged forward, grabbing the purse out of the akuma’s hand and rolling to the side, snapping the purse in half. The toxic butterfly flew out of the torn pieces, and Ladybug quickly cleansed it and sent it on its merry way.</p><p>Chat watched as Sabrina, another fellow graduate in his civilian life, sat back up and looked around confused. “What—what am I doing here?”</p><p>Ladybug knelt next to her, placing a hand on her shoulder. “You’re fine, you were akumatised, but you’re free now.” She glanced up at Chat for a moment before looking back at Sabrina. “Can you tell us where Scarlet Moth is?”</p><p>Sabrina blinked a few times, “H-He’s at the Louvre, trying to build his army.”</p><p>“How?” Chat stepped forward.</p><p>She looked up at him, “I—I don’t know, he’s just… akumatising anyone who fears him.”</p><p>Ladybug looked up at Chat, “He could akumatise everyone.”</p><p>He nodded, “We have to stop him before he does.”</p><p>Ladybug looked at Sabrina, “Thank you, now go and hide. Try to not be afraid.”</p><p>Before much else, Chat Noir followed Ladybug as they leapt from the streets, using their weapons to fly high over the rooftops, stopping every once in a while to help civilians escape an akuma. They saw Rena Rouge, Carapace and Queen Bee handling some of their own situations and freeing akumas into the air, which Ladybug tried to catch and cleanse.</p><p>On their way to the Louvre, they saw the true destruction over their city. Looking down on it was a whole different level then seeing it from the ground, because now they were seeing the full scale of it all.</p><p>Chat looked over at Ladybug as they hit the ground running on a rooftop. She had a far away look in her eyes, her lips dipped into a frown towards the burning buildings, the rising smoke and the screaming crowds, knowing there was only so much she could do.</p><p>He reached out and grabbed her hand, running with it bobbing next to them as they jumped to the next building. She squeezed his hand, giving him a grateful look.</p><p>He smiled at her.</p><p>Finally, they came to a stop on a rooftop, looking down at the courtyard of the Louvre. Just over a dozen akumas were lined up in front of the entrance, all their eyes trained on the red figure that was grinning evilly over his handy work.</p><p>“Scarlet Moth,” Ladybug said next to him.</p><p>They crouched down below the ledge of the building, trying to stay out of sight as much as possible.</p><p>“So, what’s the plan?” Chat asked, looking over at her.</p><p>She glances at him, before down at her hands, her eyebrows furrowing in concentration. He watched her think, the gears turning in her head like a working factory, compiling a plan to defeat Scarlet Moth once and for all.</p><p>Finally, she reached for her yo-yo again, and faced away from the wall, leaning her back against the concrete, still in a crouch.</p><p>“Lucky Charm,” she said quietly, before throwing her yo-yo forward. There was a pink flash as Chat looked away and Ladybug reached out, grabbing her charm, which was a thick piece of wood about a four by twelve inches long.</p><p>“What the hell am I supposed to do with this?” she asked, looking at it incredulously.</p><p>Chat snickered, “I guess it <em>wood </em>be helpful for your yo-yo to be a little more specific.” </p><p>She rolled her eyes, before turning around and peeking over the edge of the building.</p><p>“Okay, here’s the plan,” Ladybug said, turning back to him. “We go straight for Scarlet Moth. His followers will try and defend him, but if can catch him by surprise and grab his Miraculous while he’s unbalanced—”</p><p>“—All the victims will get de-akumatised,” he finished for her, grinning. “Spot on, My Lady.” He looked down at the piece of wood, “Now, what are we supposed to do with that?”</p><p>She grinned, “Leave it to me.” She gave him a wicked grin, “Ready?”</p><p>He was about to nod when he faltered, a bad feeling in his chest hollowing inside him like a black hole that gnawed at his heart. He couldn’t place it, or understand why it was there, but something was off, and he noticed it.</p><p>He reached out and grabbed her wrist, pulling her back down just as she was rising to her feet. She crouched in front of him again, giving him a curious look.</p><p>“Chat, what’s wrong?” she asked.</p><p>He stared at her for a long moment, unable to say words for a long time. He shook his head violently, trying to force words past his lips.</p><p>“I-I don’t know, I…” he locked eyes with her, her eyes softening when she realized he was in distress.</p><p>“Kitty,” she said, her voice gentle. She leaned closer in concern, “What’s wrong?”</p><p>When their eyes met again, Chat felt a sudden need rise in his chest, like a need to say something important, a need that swelled in his chest, and made his heart pound with excitement and anxiety. Her eyes were so wide and blue as he stared into them, happily drowning in the ocean that was purely her.</p><p>She said something, but he didn’t hear her. So many years of watching her from afar, admiring her beautiful smile, blue-belled eyes and perfect confidence as he fell deeply in love with her, was almost too unbearable for this moment.</p><p>The need rose, and much to his protesting thoughts, he quickly closed the distance between them.</p><p>He didn’t touch her, only delicately placed his lips on top of hers for a few, beautiful and painful seconds before pulling back, wishing he could taste more of her. The kiss was chaste and gentle, afraid he might scare her away with too much intensity. He was afraid she might shout at him and push him away in disgust and never forgive him for invading her personal space. But as he gently placed his lips on top of hers in a closed mouth kiss, she didn’t pull away, instead almost leaning into his touch like she was… like she was enjoying it.</p><p>Her eyes were wide and shocked, as she never left his gaze as he slowly leaned away. She <em>didn’t </em>yell at him or push him away in disgust, which made his heart warm more than anything.</p><p>He still hated himself for not asking permission first, but the need was intense, and it burned within him. A little voice in the back of his head that practically screamed at him to kiss her, to tell her without words how much he cared for her.</p><p>She wasn’t yelling or screaming yet, her eyes still wide in shock as he waited nervously for a response.</p><p>She finally closed her agape mouth, and her cheeks reddened almost immediately. She cringed before burying her face in her hands, Chat watching her with concern.</p><p>“How am I supposed to focus now?!” she cried; her voice muffled by her hands.</p><p>He blanched, “P-Pardon?”</p><p>She raised her eyes to glower at him, but he couldn’t take her seriously with her cheeks so red and impossibly adorable. “Out of all the moments you could’ve kissed me, it had to be <em>now</em>?”</p><p>He watched her, blinking like a complete idiot. “Was I… supposed to kiss you before?”</p><p>Her face reddened even more, and she looked down, covering her face with her hands again. “I cannot believe how dumb you are.”</p><p>He placed a hand on his chest, feigning offense. “Wow, insults hurt, My Lady.”</p><p>She shook her head, not looking at him. She finally sighed after a long moment, looking back up at him with her cheeks only a light shade of pink.</p><p>“C’mon, alley cat,” she said, standing up and spinning her yo-yo next to her. “Let’s get this over with so we can talk about it later.”</p><p>He stood, confused as he looked back over at her with a curious gaze.</p><p>
  <em>Talk about it later? What the hell—</em>
</p><p>He realized as he looked over at her, her blushing cheeks, her unfocused eyes, biting her lip absent mindedly. Leaning into the kiss like she was liking the feeling…</p><p>Chat was suddenly the one blushing.</p><p>
  <em>Oh. </em>
</p><p>He didn’t have much time to think about it since he had to jump off the edge of the building, their presence barely going unnoticed as every eye in the crowd turned to them, Scarlet Moth as well.</p><p>Chat Noir ran shouting in rage as he followed Ladybug into battle, swinging his baton through the crowd like a crazed, very angry cat. He swung, deflected, kicked and punched his way through the akumas, side by side, back to back and completely in sync with Ladybug.</p><p>He felt a thrill of excitement go through him; they were winning. Every akuma they came across, they saved and with every akuma they saved, they came closer to Scarlet Moth, who was watching the battle play out.</p><p>He could feel the anxiety coming off every super villain, and the fear slowly rising in Hawkmoth as well, which only fueled him more to fight harder. He wouldn’t give up, not when they’re this close to victory. They’ve never been this close before, never have been able to taste victory so near and possible.</p><p>They could win. They <em>had </em>to win.</p><p>Finally, Chat rolled off a supervillain’s back to get out of the way of Ladybug’s wire yo-yo, which wrapped tightly around the villain’s torso and she yanked her towards her. She kneed her hard in the stomach, making her keel over in pain, and she ripped a hair pin from her hair before crushing it in her fist. The akuma flew out into the air, and Ladybug caught it and cleansed it.</p><p>When all the akumatized victims cleared out of the way, Ladybug and Chat Noir turned to Scarlet Moth, who stood in front of the entrance to the Louvre, watching them with amusement.</p><p>“I must admit,” he said, moving his cane in front to lean on it. “You two have become quite the pair over the last three years.”</p><p>“Thanks?” Chat said. “It’s not like we had a choice, you were the one causing havoc in the streets.”</p><p>“Well, you have a choice now,” he said, calmly outstretching his hand to them. “You can hand me your Miraculous, and then I won’t have to kill you.”</p><p>“Try again,” Ladybug said, stepping forward with a hard look in her eyes, the piece of wood still in her hand. “Hand us<em> your</em> Miraculous and come quietly.”</p><p>Scarlet Moth grinned wickedly, “Never.”</p><p>Ladybug glanced at Chat and grinned. She looked back at Scarlet Moth, before leaning into a defense stance. “Then prepare to lose <em>miserably</em>, Hawkmoth.”</p><p>He chuckled, raising his cane and drawing the sword hidden inside it, flicking it with his wrist a few times before standing in a ready stance himself, giving them a dark look.</p><p>“I don’t plan to,” he said.</p><p>That’s when all hell broke loose.</p><p>Chat Noir threw his baton with lightning speed, but Scarlet Moth deflected it easily off to the side. Wielding no weapon, Chat stopped and turned to retrieve his baton.</p><p>Ladybug threw her yo-yo hard, and it wrapped around Scarlet Moth’s ready sword. She tried to yank to sword away, but he flicked his wrist just enough, so the yo-yo slipped from the sword tip. Scarlet Moth attacked Ladybug, bringing his sword down hard on her before she grabbed his wrists, stopping his attack.</p><p>After Chat retrieved his baton, he turned to see Scarlet Moth and Ladybug struggling for dominance, their whole bodies shaking as they pushed against each other’s weight.</p><p>Snarling, Chat ran forward. With Scarlet Moth distracted he didn’t see the growling cat coming his way full speed ahead until it was too late. Chat body slams into Scarlet Moth, sending his enemy flying a few yards away.</p><p>Chat grabbed Ladybug’s hand and helped steady her, before they both turned back to Scarlet Moth, who was struggling to his feet.</p><p>There was a huge explosion that rumbled through the city, making Chat look in that direction in concern.</p><p>“If we don’t get his Miraculous soon, the akumas are gonna rip the city apart,” he said, looking at her.</p><p>Scarlet Moth stood finally, glaring coldly at them.</p><p>“Okay, genius,” Ladybug said sarcastically, before they both had to jump out of the way, Scarlet Moth’s blade cutting a line between them. “How we gonna do that?”</p><p>“You’re the plan maker!” he called, starting to go after her before he stopped, the ground shaking underneath him. He didn’t hear another explosion, the earth beneath him rumbling like Plagg when he was having a cheese craving.</p><p>The ground shook again, and he looked up, just as a giant pink blob flopped from around the corner of the building. The blob seemed to have little suction cups on its’ underside, tensing as it pulled and dragged a giant… huge…</p><p>“Octopus?!” Chat cried, both confused and amused at the sight.</p><p>It was taller than the building next to it, its huge eyes sparkling like a child’s making it almost adorable. That is, until Chat smiled at it, a little afraid of its size. Suddenly, its pupils dilated, recognizing him. It opened its mouth wide and let out a very loud roar, showering him with goo and saliva.</p><p><em>Oh, that’s gross, </em>Chat thought, flicking his wrists to try and get the slime off his hands. He quickly realized he needed to focus as a shadow came over him and he slowly looked up at the giant, very threatening octopus.</p><p>He laughed nervously at it, “He he… hey?”</p><p>The octopus screamed again, lifting a giant arm and bringing it down hard on the cement, right where Chat Noir used to be before he jumped out of the way, his eyes focused on the monster.</p><p>“LB!” he yelled, turning towards her.</p><p>Ladybug jumps back from one of Scarlet Moth’s attacks, giving her a moment to look up at the scene. She suddenly had to duck under one of his arms to dodge another attack, avoiding his sword by just a hair.</p><p>“Go!” she yelled, before jumping up, roundhouse kicking Scarlet Moth in the face, sending him stumbling to the side. “I’ve got this!”</p><p>Chat felt uneasy, but he didn’t have enough time to help her and stop this giant akuma that suddenly appeared in front of him.</p><p>He jumped back in surprise as another arm slammed hard into the ground next to him. He jumped to the other side, as the octopus attempted again. He ran to the left, going down on all fours around the monster, avoiding all arms and tentacles that tried to hit him. Thanks to his super agility, he was doing pretty well. He was fast, hurdling over and narrowly missing the large, pink and floppy octopus’ arms that wanted nothing more than to squash him.</p><p>He looked upwards at the monster, the slime making the top of its head shiny in the sunlight. He noticed a dark blue choker necklace around its neck, a little gold pendant in the front with some sort of design on it.</p><p>He stopped abruptly as another arm thudding in front of him, and he took the opportunity. He jumped onto it, slipping slightly from the slime on its body before running up the length of its arm. The creature scowled and roared at him, but he ignored it as he closed in on the necklace.</p><p>He jumped onto the octopus’ back, grabbing hold of the necklace as the creature thrashed, trying to reach him to no avail, and he struggled to hold himself up. As he steadied himself, placing both feet under the choker for leverage as he pulled hard on the band, hoping, praying—</p><p>The necklace snapped before him, and he stumbled backwards, losing his balance. He had the ability to suddenly push off the octopus’ slimy back with his legs, sending him sharply backwards. He backflipped before landing on the ground, his claws scrapping the pavement. He wasted no time, in grabbing the gold pendant from the necklace and snapped it between his fingers.</p><p>“Ladybug!” he yelled, looking up at her as the purple butterfly rose into the air.</p><p>Ladybug was busy with holding Scarlet Moth back, but she looked up at the akuma, her brain registering. She pushed Scarlet Moth’s hand to the side, before kicking him hard in the chest, sending him stumbling backwards.</p><p>She threw her yo-yo with a shout, the akuma already high in the air, but she caught it quickly before cleansing it and sending the newly white butterfly on its merry way.</p><p>Chat Noir steeled himself to run and help her but stops when he watches her in amazement. She suddenly grabbed the piece of wood from her belt, holding it in front at arm’s length as Scarlet Moth lunged with his sword outstretched in front of him. The sword cut clean through the center of the wood, the tip barely missing Ladybug’s stomach as she keeled her body away from it.</p><p>Scarlet Moth, clearly surprised by the endeavor, didn’t even defend himself as Ladybug stepped to the side, grabbed both sides of the piece of woods and jerked it away from her. The hilt of the sword slid from Scarlet Moth’s hands and out of his grip, and Ladybug, holding the sword with one hand by the piece of wood, used her other hand to reel back and sock him right in the cheek.</p><p>He stumbled back and feel on his back, the red from his suit fading, leaving behind the normal purple of his suit.</p><p>“Um…”</p><p>Something tugged on his arm and he looked down to see what looked like a seven-year-old girl, her blond hair glowing in the sunlight with tears rolling down her cheeks.</p><p>Chat crouched down in front of her, smiling warmly. “Hey, there,” he said, tilting his head at her. “You alright?”</p><p>She sniffled, before nodding.</p><p>He smiled again, “Things got a little <em>fishy</em> there, huh?”</p><p>Her face broke into a smile as she giggled at him, her tears falling off her cheeks as her eyes started to dry.</p><p>Chat smiled before standing again, “Listen here, I need you to go run and find an adult,” he said, her tiny hand slipping into his, gripping one of his fingers. “Can you do that?”</p><p>She hesitated, before nodding up at him, her eyes still showing signs of shyness.</p><p>He smiled again, swooning at the adorableness. “Okay then,” he said, gesturing for her to go. She obeyed him and quickly turned tail and ran, disappearing around the same corner.</p><p>He finally turned back to the scene, watching as Ladybug wrapped yo-yo around Hawkmoth’s crouched body, pining his arms to the side.</p><p>“Did you freaking <em>punch </em>Scarlet Moth out of him?” Chat yelled at her, and she turned and grinned.</p><p> “Hell yeah I did!” she yelled back, smiling at him warmly.</p><p>He grinned, walking forward to meet her only a couple hundred feet away. Her eyes were glinting mischievously, and his heart quickened with the look she was giving him. Something behind those eyes screamed danger, like he was walking towards the edge of a volcano, and if he got too close, he’ll get burned.</p><p>Ladybug’s grin widened, and he realized if he did get burned, fine, as long as she kept smiling like that.</p><p>All the warmth faded from his bones and was replaced by a cold, unsettling feeling and he stopped suddenly, looking around with a chill going down his spine. His shoulders tensed and he spun around, looking behind him as if to catch whoever snuck up behind him.</p><p>But then he realized—</p><p>He spun around again, watching horrified as Hawkmoth got one of his hands free, and he reached for the sword only a few feet away from him.</p><p>“Ladybug! MOVE!” he yelled, running forward.</p><p>Hawkmoth caught her off guard, rolling to the side and bringing her down with him, her yo-yo string getting tangled with her legs as she attempted to stand, but she struggled.</p><p>Hawkmoth, with a blazing fire in his eyes, stood over her, his sword in his hand with the piece of wood still slid closely to the hilt. He brought his sword down on her, but she rolled the side, her fear showing in her eyes as she got up to her feet, her ankles still tangled in the string.</p><p>Chat couldn’t get to her in time, he was too far away, his super speed doing nothing as he pushed harder, trying to get to his lady as the sword—</p><p>Ladybug tried to step to the side, but her ankles got caught again and she almost lost her balance as Hawkmoth closed in on her, grabbing her shoulder.</p><p>And he shoved the blade through her torso, the piece of wood slamming against her stomach.</p><p>Chat cried out as he rushed forward, getting there two seconds too late as she started to stumble backwards, the blade still in her stomach before Hawkmoth pulled it out, her gasping at the action.</p><p>“My Lady…” he said, holding her face.</p><p>Chat caught her in his arms as she lost her footing, sinking to the ground with her. He pulled her into his lap, her head landing on his shoulder as he pressed his hand over her wound, blood gushing around his fingers.</p><p>“C-Chat…?” she asked quietly, her voice raspy. She suddenly coughed dryly, and blood splattered on her lips.</p><p>“I’m here,” he said, swallowing his fear, his hands shaking as he pulled her closer, trying to put pressure on the wound and wanting to hold on to her.</p><p>“It’s okay, My Lady,” he said, looking down at her paling face behind the mask. “You’re gonna be okay,” he said, trying to make the words real. “We’re gonna get help, okay? But I need you to—”</p><p>“Chat?” she said quietly.</p><p>“Don’t speak,” he said, looking down at her bleeding wound. “You need to save your energy, okay My Lady?” he asked, still not taking his eyes off her gaping wound.</p><p>There was so much blood…</p><p>“Chat—”</p><p>“I told you,” he said, trying to keep his voice level. “You need to—”</p><p>“Chat!” she suddenly yelled, catching his attention as he looked back up at her face.</p><p>“What?” he asked, giving her a confused look.</p><p>She smiled slightly at him, the blood on her lips spreading as she parted them to speak again.</p><p>“It doesn’t hurt.”</p><p>A ripple of pure fear went through Chat’s body as he started down at her, his eyes watering. “Ladybug, that’s not good.”</p><p>She shakes her head, somehow still smiling slightly at him. “It’s okay, Chat.”</p><p>“No!” he yelled, a sob escaping his throat, like a horrible ripping sound. “No! My Lady, you can’t go!”</p><p>“I’m not going anywhere, <em>Chaton</em>,” she said, resting her head back against his shoulder, like she was about to just sleep there peacefully. “It’s okay, Kitty.”</p><p>“Stop saying it’s okay!” he cried, staring into her glassy eyes.</p><p>“But it is,” she said, her face contorting as her own eyes filled with tears, staring up at him. “I’m okay with dying, Chat.”</p><p>He shook his head, his tears landing on her beautiful, paling face as the blood slowly drained from it. “You can’t leave,” he said, taking a shaky breath. “You can’t leave me.”</p><p>“I’m not leaving you,” she said, gripping his arm that was around her. She reaches out and touched his chest, the spot where his pounding heartbeat throbbed against his ribcage. “I’ll be here, where I belong.”</p><p>His eyes widened as her eyes started to glaze over and he gently jerked her head, and her eyes re focused, looking up at him in wonder.</p><p>“My Lady,” he warned, his eyes still wide. “Don’t.”</p><p>She gazed up at him, before reaching up and cupping his cheek with her hand, her thumb stroking the fabric of the mask just under his eye.</p><p>“Your eyes,” she said, her voice quiet as she dropped her hand back to her chest. “I want your eyes to be the last thing I see.”</p><p>He sobbed, bowing his head, unable to look at her paling face, her cheeks slowly losing the natural blush she had under her freckles.</p><p>“Can you do that?” she asked, her voice warm.</p><p>He takes a moment answering, before looking up at her, barely able to see her through his tears so he wiped at them furiously, wanting to see her.</p><p>He takes a shaky breath, “Yes,” he said.</p><p>Chat steels himself, before looking deeply into her eyes, watching as she slowly lost the ability to see. He watched as her eyes glazed over to something past his head, her once blue eyes turning dark. He watched as her muscles completely relaxed, her arm tumbling from her stomach as it fell to the side, unmoving.</p><p>Her eyes stared into him still, her last breath sucked through her mouth and she said, barely above a whisper.</p><p>“I love you.”</p><p>Finally, he watched the last of the light fade from her eyes, and her head leaned back, lifeless.</p><p>Chat Noir was frozen, caught off by the words that he hadn’t realized the life leaving her body until her eyes didn’t respond to his staring into hers.</p><p>“No,” he chocked, taking her head in one hand and bringing it back so he could look into her lifeless eyes. “No no no no, Ladybug, DON’T!”</p><p>She didn’t respond.</p><p>“My Lady wake up!” he cried, shaking her head gently, trying to jolt her awake. She had to be sleeping… right?</p><p>“My Lady,” he said, gentler this time, shifting to see her eyes better, her lifeless, blue belled eyes that were completely dark. “My Lady, <em>please.</em>”</p><p>No answer.</p><p>“Come back!” Chat yelled.</p><p>Nothing.</p><p>“My Lady!”</p><p>Still… nothing.</p><p>He sobbed horribly, before dropping his head and burying his face into her neck, feeling his insides ripping apart from the pain of something breaking inside him. He could feel his insides slowly melting painfully, just like how the sword pierced through her body like hot metal.</p><p>Finally, he found his voice.</p><p>“I love you to,” he said quietly, his breath bouncing off her skin.</p><p>But it was pointless because she couldn’t hear it.</p><p>Chat completely crumbled, taking her body from his lap and carefully laying her down on the cement, the blood still pooling around him like a wave. He placed her hands on her stomach, before reaching up to her face, and he shut her eyes for her… for the last time.</p><p>Without the blood, she might’ve looked like she was sleeping.</p><p>But she wasn’t, and that was the unbearable truth.</p><p>“I’m…” said a voice behind him and he jumped, looking back at Hawkmoth, who stood there with a bloody sword in hand and a shocked expression on his face, staring down at Ladybug’s limp form. “I’m… sorry.”</p><p>Chat’s eyes darkened as he slowly got to his feet, his eyes settling on Hawkmoth’s profile with a heated and terrifying anger that rumbled in his chest.</p><p>“You…” he said, his voice low and threatening. “You…” he pointed at him, and Hawkmoth flinched at his anger. He couldn’t find words, the anger, the sadness, the grief completely over taking him like a wave of heat that threatened to completely shatter him.</p><p>He exploded.</p><p>“THAT SHOULD’VE BEEN YOU!” He yelled, making Hawkmoth step back in fear, his hands raised. “That should’ve been—” He stopped as something pink flashed behind him and he spun around.</p><p>Something small and red flew fast at him, grabbing onto his chest with a tiny, horrible sob.</p><p>“Tikki!” Chat cried, holding the kwami close. He pulled her back to look at the sad kwami’s eyes. “Are you okay?”</p><p>She sniffed, her sobbing horribly as she shook her head, and pointed behind her.</p><p>Chat raised his gaze to Ladybug’s body… only it wasn’t her, but her civilian form.</p><p>He walked closer, slowly approaching the beautiful girl’s side and crouching next to her, his chin trembling as a new wave of sobs threatened to break his chest again.</p><p>“Not you…” he said, tears rolling down his cheeks. “Please… not you, Marinette.”</p><p>Marinette lay still on her back, her eyes closed and her chest still, not giving any sign that she was breathing. She looked so small, and still that it broke something further inside Chat’s chest, constricting and then finally breaking as he broke into more horrible sobs.</p><p>He glanced up at her earrings, the earrings that were <em>Marinette’s </em>Miraculous, the ones that made so much more sense now that she wore them all the time.</p><p>Despite her pale, bloodied form, she looked peacefully, but there was nothing he wanted more than to see her eyes fly open, to lock eyes with him and smile, reassure him that she wasn’t going anywhere. That she was here… so that she could say those three little words again, say them again, so Chat can say them back, so she can hear them.</p><p>There was nothing he wanted more. And he wished he could bring her back, because this didn’t feel real, and she deserved to live on.</p><p>He wished so hard that she would come back.</p><p>He wished…</p><p>He… h—<em>holy shit</em>. </p><p>He stood up, backed away from her body and whirled on Hawkmoth, who still stood there like the pathetic coward he was, and he flinched when he saw Chat Noir glowering darkly at him.</p><p>“It should’ve been you,” Chat said, his voice low. He pointed at him, “So, I’m going to <em>make it you</em>.”</p><p>He turned back and marched to Marinette’s side again, kneeling down and reaching for her ears.</p><p>“Chat,” Tikki said, her voice tight and to his left. She obviously caught onto his plan. “Chat, she wouldn’t want this. Marinette—”</p><p>“I don’t care!” he yelled, startling both Tikki and Hawkmoth, who still stood behind him like a frozen statue. He took a shaky breath before continuing in a calmer demeanor. “I don’t care—I can’t lose her.”</p><p>“Chat,” Tikki said again, her voice soft. “You can’t do this.”</p><p>“No,” he said, finally moving and unclasping her earrings before standing back up, facing away from her as he clasped both earrings in. “No, Tikki, I have to,” he dropped his arms to his side, glancing back at her limp body with sorrow in his eyes. “I can’t lose <em>both of them</em>.”</p><p>“Chat,” Tikki said, clearly trying to persuade him out of it. “If you do this, you will be doing something <em>terrible </em>to her.” She shook her head, flying in front of Chat to get his attention, her face still streaking tears. “When a person dies and comes back to life… it—it does something dark to them, especially a superhero.” She gave him a sympathetic look, “I know how you feel, I want her back as much as you do… but I would rather her be dead than her go through the <em>darkness </em>that would live with her for the rest of her life if you bring her back.”</p><p>There was a long pause before Tikki continued, her voice tighter as she suppressed more sobs, but her voice came out broken anyway.</p><p>“She’s coming back from the <em>dead, </em>Chat, that does some <em>dark</em> things to a person.” She tilted her head at him, his eyes unfocused as he refused to meet the kwami’s eyes. “Do you really want to put her through that?”</p><p>There was a long pause where Chat didn’t say anything, Tikki’s words resonating in his mind like a symbol. They burned him, but he understood, if he brought her back, she would be living with this darkness inside her that could possibly hurt her more than the sword had.</p><p>The longing part of his heart told him that he’d protect her, be with her twenty-four seven so she doesn’t do anything stupid. Be with her till the day was out, and hold her when she was asleep, so she didn’t have to be alone for one second more.</p><p>But the logical part of his brain told him that he should mourn her, grieve her and love her eternally until the day he passes over the invisible line of death to join her. A perfect and peaceful reunion.</p><p>Only that reunion meant he had to live his entire life without her, <em>without her.</em></p><p>And the very thought made him want to curl into a tiny ball, cry and then die.</p><p>He<em> couldn’t</em>.</p><p>So, he <em>wouldn’t</em>.</p><p>He takes a long breath, before looking over at Tikki, her eyes already registering what he was thinking.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” he said, barely above a whisper.</p><p>Tikki pressed her lips together, without saying anything.</p><p>Chat took a deep breath, before finally speaking. “Plagg, Tikki, unify!”</p><p>Something shot through him, like a hot sensation as his world around him turned white, and he was unable to see anything except the whiteness, unable to hear anything except the white noise that rang in his ears. Unable to feel anything, except the power coursing through his veins, the power both burning hot and freezing cold, making him feel beyond any sensation.</p><p>His thoughts focused only on Marinette, how he called out to her, begging her to come back, to come back to him, to <em>be with him</em>. There was nothing he wanted more, her eyes opening to meet his, her breath steady and easy as she breathed against him, her lips parting as she said his name barely above a whisper. Her voice, warm and silky as she whispered three little words that he so desperately wanted—no, <em>needed</em> to hear again. He needed her back.</p><p>He needed her back. He needed her back. <em>He needed her back.</em></p><p>He gasped, falling to his knees as everything around him turned back to normal, the sunlight beating down on him as summer approached. The earrings bounced off him, which he didn’t expect, but they landed in front of him, and Tikki flew out, her expression unreadable.</p><p>Chat eyed her carefully, his body coming down from the high he felt from the rush of power.</p><p>“Are…” Chat started, looking nervously at the kwami. “Are you okay?”</p><p>Tikki softened at the question a little, “Yes… the wish never did have a big effect on Plagg and I… considering our power is combined, canceling each other out but also enhancing each other completely.” She shrugged halfheartedly, “It’s a whole yin and yang thing.”</p><p>Chat stared at her, “The wish was used before?”</p><p>She nodded, “Why do you think disasters keep coming out of nowhere throughout history?”</p><p>He nodded, “But… I thought it could only be used once?”</p><p>She shook her head, “No… it can be used more than once, just… the consequences are always… great.”</p><p>“For example…?” he asked, afraid of the answer.  </p><p>Tikki looked past him, “For example, trading someone’s live for someone else’s.”</p><p>Chat looked past her, and saw Hawkmoth, still transformed, lying on his back with his eyes glazed over and staring into a void of nothing.</p><p>He suddenly remembered, and he looked back over at Marinette, her body still not moving.</p><p>He quickly got up, rushing to her and falling to his knees at her side. The blood was gone, and the wound had closed up completely, even her clothes had been sewn back together. Her face was slowly returning with color, her body slightly twitching as she slowly started waking up.</p><p>Giddy and excited, but still on edge, Chat leaned down and clasped her earrings back in. Just as the second clasp clicked together, Marinette gasped and opened her eyes, her blue ocean eyes staring back at him, half lidded, and exhausted.</p><p>“Chat…?” she rasped, coughing slightly.</p><p>He was so relieved he could start crying, but he held himself together long enough to carefully lift her weak body into his lap. The top half of her body rested against him, her head lying on the same shoulder she had… died on.</p><p>“Chat… I….”</p><p>“Shh,” he suggested gently, hovering over her very beautiful and<em> very</em> <em>alive</em> face. “It’s okay, My Lady, you’re okay. Can you do something for me? Yeah?”</p><p>She nodded slightly, still in a daze.</p><p>“Okay, repeat after me.” He paused, waiting for her, “Spots on.”</p><p>“Spots… on…” she said, but it was enough as Tikki flew into her earrings.</p><p>Hopefully she was so out of it that she doesn’t remember that.</p><p>Chat Noir stared down at Ladybug, relief like never before crushing every bone in his body as he felt her heartbeat pounding, loud and strong against his chest. Her torso expanding as she breathed deeply, and her eyes fluttering open, trying to stay awake.</p><p>“How do you feel?” Chat asked, looking down at her in concern.</p><p>She hummed, nuzzling his shoulder a little bit which made him blush. “Sleepy… warm.”</p><p>He sighed, staring down at her with a soft expression, letting himself relax finally after several, painful moments of her being gone.</p><p>“Well… that’s good, I guess.” It was beyond good, it was beyond any kind of word with the way he felt right now, watching as she breathed against him, felt her heartbeat pounding strongly, watching her lips turn up in a small smile as she nuzzled more into him.</p><p>He couldn’t think of anything better than this.</p><p>“What happened?” Ladybug asked, as Chat helped her sit up on her own.</p><p>He looked at her, “What do you remember?”</p><p>She shrugged, crossing her arms at her chest and contorting her face, like she was trying to remember something. “Just… your eyes then… dark.”</p><p>Chat pressed his lips together, “Yeah,” he said, looking down at her, remembering Tikki saying something about a <em>darkness</em>. “Yeah, Hawkmoth knocked you out.”</p><p>What she doesn’t know can’t hurt her.</p><p>Ladybug’s eyes widened at their enemy’s name. She grabbed his arm hard, and he flinched.</p><p>“Where is he?” she asked, fiery hot flames in her eyes. “What did he do?”</p><p>“Hey, whoa, calm down, My Lady,” he said, grabbing her shoulders and she relaxed at his touch. “I took care of it.”</p><p>She gives him a curious look before looking past him and her eyes widened. Chat followed her gaze, and they both stared at the unmoving body of Hawkmoth.</p><p>“Did…” Ladybug said, looking back at Chat. “Did you kill him?”</p><p>He hesitated, thinking. “He…” he searched for an answer, any answer. “He… killed himself.”</p><p>Ladybug blanched, “What? Why?”</p><p>Chat raked his brain desperately for an answer but came up with nothing. “I don’t know he just… landed on his own sword.”</p><p>He looked back to meet her eyes, which were searching and suspicious, which made him anxious.</p><p>“You’re not… lying to me, are you?” she asked, her eyes warning.</p><p>Before Chat could even think to say an answer, voices were heard from around the corner and they both looked up. A huge crowd of civilians, reporters and several others rounded the corner and spotted them, before marching towards the two superheroes.</p><p>Chat helped Ladybug up and they stood waiting for them, anticipating questions.</p><p>“Ladybug! Was Hawkmoth trying to build an akuma army?”</p><p>“Ladybug! Over here! What can you tell us about the recent akuma attacks? Were they all new or old akuma?”</p><p>“Ladybug! <em>Paris Today</em>, here, what was the motive behind Hawkmoth’s actions?”</p><p>“Settle down, please!” Ladybug called over the noise, and they slowly fell into a silent, muttering crowd. “Thank you,” she said, before taking a breath. “We won’t be taking any questions now, however, we can confirm that Hawkmoth has been defeated.”</p><p>A loud cry of joy came from the audience.</p><p>“Oh, that is <em>wonderful!” </em>cried some reporter, who stepped forward, her mic raised to Ladybug’s face. “Where is he and what is his identity?”</p><p>Ladybug glanced over at Chat, who mimicked her worried expression. But, despite it, they separated, creating a line of sight between the crowd and the unmoving body of Hawkmoth lying behind them.</p><p>The crowd became silent.</p><p>“Oh…” said the same reporter, who had an unreadable look on her face as she stared at the body of Hawkmoth. “That’s…”</p><p>No one could finish that sentence. It seemed, that even if you were a villain, people still sympathized when you died a tragic death. But at the same time, they were thanking God it was over, even if he had to die for it to be.</p><p>Without thinking or saying, Chat stepped forward, walking towards his body as everyone stilled behind him, even Ladybug. He crouched beside him, glancing at the blank stare he was giving him.</p><p>Something clicked inside him and he recognized that cold stare, even when he was dead.</p><p>Chat’s eyes widened.</p><p>
  <em>No. </em>
</p><p>He reached forward and ripped off the jewel from the collar of the super suit, watching as Hawkmoth detransformed for the last time into—</p><p>Everyone gasped, Ladybug letting out a cry of horror behind him as the identity of Hawkmoth was revealed.</p><p>Chat just stood up and stepped back, his eyes filled with too many emotions at once, too many feelings and thoughts running through his head. His chest filling with something dark and hollow as he stared down at the face that betrayed him.</p><p>Gabriel Agreste laid there, lifeless, as Chat stared down at his father… realizing…</p><p>He was the one that killed him in the end.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Betrayal</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>WARNING: THERE IS SELF HARM IN THIS CHAPTER</p>
<p>Here's another chapter for you guys.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chapter 2: Betrayal</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The sweat on the back of Ladybug’s neck rolled down her skin, making her shiver despite the heat of late summer day. The rooftops were dry and hard as she and Chat Noir, who has been silent since the Louvre, jumped from building to building, avoiding prying eyes. They weren’t really going anywhere, lacking a need for destination, except that Marinette should get home soon, to text Adrien as soon as possible—was texting him too insensitive? Ah, whatever, she needs to check in on him anyway… especially with…</p>
<p>Ladybug stopped on top of some rooftop, and Chat stood behind her. There was a silence that deafened both of them, it’s been a long day, but there was something else between them. A small voice in the silence that whispered in her ear, casually hanging in the air like a balloon about to pop. She couldn’t make out what it said, or what it wanted, only that the chill it sent down her spine make her feel uneasy as she refused to look at him.</p>
<p>Tension.</p>
<p>They stole glances at one another, neither one of them wanting to start a conversation about anything. One topic was too depressing, the other too much brain power, especially with how tired both of them were, and the last one… too fragile for this moment. So, they avoided it, avoided talking about the one good thing that came out of it, because all the bad outweighed all the good at the moment.</p>
<p>“Poor Adrien,” she finally said, snapping the silence.</p>
<p>She didn’t notice the way Chat jumped a little at her voice, sounding cracked and sad in the silence.</p>
<p>“W-What?” he asked, his voice coming out strained.</p>
<p>She turned back to him, wrapping her arms around herself and locking eyes with her partner. He looked just as uneasy as she felt, and the unspoken tension between them, tension that didn’t make sense, just made it worse.</p>
<p>He wouldn’t meet her eyes after the first glance they shared, mostly focusing on his feet or something off in the distance. He wouldn’t look at her, and the sight frustrated her a little bit. Although, the thought of what they just experienced stuck in her head, reminding her that Chat had watched someone kill themself. That can’t be something easy to watch, even if it was your enemy.</p>
<p>She sighed, “Gabriel Agreste has a son…” she said, refusing to meet his eyes as well and turning back towards the edge of the rooftop. “His father is—was Hawkmoth and now he’s… he’s dead.” She shook her head, thinking about her long-time crush, the crush she recently decided to get over since he never seemed to think of her as more than a friend.</p>
<p>Being eighteen, she came to the realization that she needed to start making grown up decisions, mature and be the better, older version of herself. And hanging on to a three-year long crush that wasn’t going anywhere seemed rather immature. It was hard, she had to admit it, like she was letting go of a limb, but it started to fill slowly with someone else, someone with adorable cat ears and a cocky attitude.</p>
<p>She clenched her fists; <em>this is not important right now. </em></p>
<p>She looked back at her partner, and noticed he was staring at the ground with a wide-eyed expression. There was more than just a mask he was hiding behind in that moment, something deeper and darker behind his eyes that he was trying to push down, and it was working. This worried her and she stepped closer to him hesitantly.</p>
<p>“Chat,” she said gently. “Are you okay?”</p>
<p>He takes a long time to respond, before slowly raising his eyes to meet hers. There was a curtain there, hiding all the falling pieces in his eyes that he wouldn’t let her see. The fabric of his mask barely held back the wave of emotions that she knew would come crashing down any second.</p>
<p>But she didn’t know why.</p>
<p> “Yeah,” he said finally, swallowing hard. “Yeah, just…” He backs up slowly, not turning around and still not meeting her eyes. “I… I have to go.”</p>
<p>She’s surprised by this, “Oh,” she said, nodding at him. “Oh, okay… um, get home safe.”</p>
<p>He finally looked up into her eyes, and she suddenly felt the need to hug him, but was afraid he might push her away with the unreadable expression on his face.</p>
<p>“Yeah,” he said, “You to.”</p>
<p>She stepped closer, stopping him before he left and grabbing his arm, giving him a concerned look. “You sure you’re okay, Chat?”</p>
<p>He doesn’t answer at first, glancing to the side like he wanted to escape than glancing at her hand that still gripped his arm tightly, keeping him in place.</p>
<p>She caught the signal and hesitantly released his arm, stepping back and holding her wrist with her other arm in front of her, standing awkwardly. “Sorry,” she said.</p>
<p>He shook his head, “It’s… it’s not you I just need to… get home.” He gave her a hesitant look, “Are you okay?”</p>
<p>“I’m concerned about you,” she said, smiling at him fondly, attempting to lighten the mood a little. “Why are you asking me if I’m alright when you’re clearly upset?”</p>
<p>He gave her another look that was unreadable, “Just…” he said, glancing away. “I always worry about you.”</p>
<p>She stared at him for a long moment, feeling her cheeks blush slightly and she smiled to the side, grateful for his concern.</p>
<p>“I’m okay, Chat,” she settled on, meeting his eyes again. “But are you okay?”</p>
<p>He stared at her for a long moment, not answering and pressing his lips together. He certainly didn’t look okay, he seemed unsettled, unbalanced, like he could fall over any second. He looked like he was going to crash to the ground loud and hard, shattering to a million pieces in front of her.</p>
<p>But, like she’s always known him, Chat Noir has always been the confident and strong one. He’s always been the one that was made of steel, except when it came to her. But right now, he was completely made of metal, and the fact that he wasn’t opening up in front of her worried her. She wanted to be able to be there for him with whatever was going on inside that crazy head of his, but she couldn’t do that if he built his walls up.</p>
<p>“I’m okay,” he said softly, his expression saying otherwise.</p>
<p>She wanted to prod him, ask him about it and hopefully be there for him, but she also knew that she had no right into his business. Their identities must remain a secret, despite how much she wanted to know everything about him. Despite how much she wanted to be there for him in that moment.</p>
<p>And despite how deep her feelings truly ran for the man in front of her.</p>
<p>“Okay,” she nodded. “I’ll see you around, then.”</p>
<p>He pressed his lips together, as if holding back this wave of emotions was taking everything in him.</p>
<p>“See you,” he said.</p>
<p>She hesitated one last moment, waiting and hoping that maybe he’d stop her, maybe he’d open up to her at the last second. But that hope shattered when she forced herself to turn and go, leaving behind a kitten that finally let a tear roll down his cheek as he watched his lady go.</p>
<p>She almost turned back.</p>
<p>.             .             .</p>
<p>There were too many thoughts in his head to count. There were too many emotions weighing him down. There were too many flashing lights in front of his house to make him feel anything.</p>
<p>Numb.</p>
<p>He entered through the gates, focusing all his diminishing energy into a poker face, trying to look confused and restless, searching the crowd in front of him for a face he knew he would never see again.</p>
<p>Numb.</p>
<p>He walked forward, Nathalie standing in the doorway with an old looking police officer who was trying to talk to her, but she stared down at the ground, her eyes not registering anything in front of her.</p>
<p>Numb.</p>
<p>Adrien walked forward, looking to the police officer questioning. He listened carefully, using his modeling skills to create the perfect kind of expressions. Timing them perfectly as the officer dropped the news on him like a bomb, the news that was already crossing his thoughts in a forever haunted memory.</p>
<p>Numb.</p>
<p>He timed his cries of agony perfectly, falling to the ground as the wave he’s been holding back came crashing down on him, the numbness he forced himself to feel fading away to pure pain.</p>
<p>He felt betrayed, hurt and lost, the police officers trying to pick him up since he wouldn’t move from where his knees were. He felt safe, grounded to the floor as if it were some anchor, he needed to keep himself steady, because if he didn’t he would fall, and the last thing he wanted to do was fall.</p>
<p>The news only got worse, and this was the part that surprised him.</p>
<p>His mother’s body was found underneath the house in a large bunker, lifeless. He didn’t know how to react to that. He’s always believed his mother dead, but the fact that she was near him, even her own body was near him this whole time, it only hurt more, and he crashed down in agony.</p>
<p>The police were finally were able to help him to his room, which seemed stupid, but Adrien felt woozy on his feet, as if he could pass out any second.</p>
<p>And that’s exactly what he did. He flopped on his bed, tired and exhausted from this horrible reality of a world and he passed out, crossing over into the land of dreams only to have a dreamless sleep.</p>
<p>Thank God.</p>
<p>.             .             .</p>
<p>
  <strong>AA: I wouldn’t. It’s not a good idea. </strong>
</p>
<p>
  <strong>MD: Sorry, do you want to be alone?</strong>
</p>
<p>
  <strong>AA: No, it’s not that. I just… I don’t want you guys getting in trouble. </strong>
</p>
<p>
  <strong>AC: Why would we? </strong>
</p>
<p>
  <strong>AA: Well, there’s still cops crawling around like vultures in my house. Looking for evidence that’s not there. </strong>
</p>
<p>
  <strong>AA: I told them I knew nothing, and they’re still ignoring me. </strong>
</p>
<p>
  <strong>NL: Dude… I don’t know what to say. </strong>
</p>
<p>
  <strong>AA: Don’t say anything, please. </strong>
</p>
<p>Marinette paused for a long moment, her thumbs hovering over the keyboard of her phone. She re read the conversation over again, feeling a sadness that crept into her heart for him. Adrien wasn’t responding at all last night after the attack, until he finally crept into the group chat later this morning, his mood unreadable through texts.</p>
<p>You can never tell how someone’s feeling through texts, since it’s all digital and you can’t exactly read someone’s facial expressions through a screen. The best way to describe the way you feel through texting would be emojis, and those seemed a little insensitive considering the situation.</p>
<p>But still, Marinette was worried for her friend. Despite past relationships, her huge, massive crush on him over the years and the toxicity she got from all the drama, he was still a sweet person, and her friend. She wasn’t about to walk out on him when he needed someone. Especially since he had no one left besides his three closest friends.</p>
<p>
  <strong>MD: Well, what if we come by in the morning? The cops should be gone by then, right? </strong>
</p>
<p>
  <strong>Adrien Agreste is typing… </strong>
</p>
<p>
  <strong>AA: I’m leaving at eight. </strong>
</p>
<p>Marinette deflated, right, he broke the news at the beginning of the conversation. Since he was an… orphan now, he would be going to live with his closest kin, which was his mother’s sister, Amelie Graham de Vanily, and his cousin, Felix. He didn’t seem very happy about it, the idea of living with his cousin that stole his phone and the spitting image of his deceased mother.</p>
<p>It was depressing, actually, but Marinette didn’t say that.</p>
<p>
  <strong>MD: We can come before then. You can’t just leave without saying goodbye. </strong>
</p>
<p>
  <strong>Alya Césair</strong>
  <strong>e is typing… </strong>
</p>
<p>
  <strong>AC: Exactly. You’re not escaping this city until we send you off properly. </strong>
</p>
<p>
  <strong>AA: The angry citizens outside 24/7 isn’t enough? </strong>
</p>
<p>
  <strong>NL: Are they still yelling at the house? </strong>
</p>
<p>
  <strong>AA: They have been all night.</strong>
</p>
<p>
  <strong>MD: I’m so sorry, Adrien, I wish I was there with you. </strong>
</p>
<p>
  <strong>AA: I don’t want you guys getting hurt trying to get in here. </strong>
</p>
<p>
  <strong>AA: There’s a back door around the backyard that goes through the kitchen, I’ll leave it unlocked for you guys so you can get in. You can just slip through the alleyway by my house and slide through the hole in the fence. You should avoid all the protesters and any police that remain. </strong>
</p>
<p>
  <strong>NL: Is that how you sneak out? </strong>
</p>
<p>
  <strong>AA: Sometimes.</strong>
</p>
<p>
  <strong>MD: We’ll see you around 7:30, yeah?</strong>
</p>
<p>
  <strong>AA: Yeah, that should be fine. </strong>
</p>
<p>
  <strong>Adrien Agreste is typing… </strong>
</p>
<p>
  <strong>AA: Thank you guys, I don’t want to leave without saying goodbye either. </strong>
</p>
<p>
  <strong>NL: We’re always here, dude. </strong>
</p>
<p>
  <strong>AC: We’ll see you in the morning, Adrien, get some sleep tonight, alright? </strong>
</p>
<p>
  <strong>MD: Adrien, just text us if you need anything, okay? </strong>
</p>
<p>
  <strong>Adrien Agreste is typing… </strong>
</p>
<p>
  <strong>AA: Thanks guys, and I will. Promise. </strong>
</p>
<p>For some reason, Marinette told herself not to hang onto that promise, because, after all, people can do some strange stuff while grieving.</p>
<p>Not that Adrien was acting strange, it’s just normal for everyone to act differently when grief comes their way. He almost seemed like he was okay, but again, she tried not to interpret anything, she didn’t want to assume what exactly he was feeling since she had no idea what he was going through. But she knew he was hurting, and hurting meant he was in pain, and, considering she’s Ladybug with the weight of the world on her shoulders, she understood what it felt like to be in pain.</p>
<p>Although, she didn’t want to compare it to losing both his father and mother in the same day, losing everything she ever knew. The very idea of her parents leaving or dying like that is absolutely terrifying.</p>
<p>She sighed, looking up from her phone as the conversation in the group chat died out, all of them leaving to do their own thing. Marinette should be going herself, considering she was volunteering to help clean up the school that day, due to akumas getting inside and trashing the place.</p>
<p>Being a final year student and right on the brink of graduation, which was only a month from now, she necessarily didn’t really need to help out, since she was no longer part of that school and no doubt the school wouldn’t be continuing classes afterwards. But it was her school, she had a lot of memories there, and since her Lucky Charm from the day before disappeared, which she had no idea why, she felt a little responsible.</p>
<p>She knew it wasn’t her fault for getting knocked out, but she should’ve been paying more attention. Then maybe the city didn’t have to clean up the mess she made, the mess she was supposed to clean up with only two simple words.</p>
<p>She got up from her chaise, her body sore from the battle, also another reminder that her Miraculous Cure didn’t work. She stopped at her desk and played with a few pages of the sketchbook that sat on the desk and the fancy metal pencils that sprawled along the surface.</p>
<p>Her thoughts wandered to Chat Noir, and the dazed expression he wore yesterday after the battle. She tried convincing herself that maybe he was just upset about watching Hawkmoth kill himself, that’s pretty traumatizing for some people, even if they’re the enemy. But she couldn’t shake this feeling like he was holding something back, a dark look in his eyes that screamed agony and pain, like maybe he did watch something worse happen. Something he never wanted to watch.</p>
<p>Although, Ladybug was unconscious, so she couldn’t know that. She’ll have to ask Chat about it later, but the way he looked last night made her think it best not to push him. He needed time, and she was willing to give it.</p>
<p>But that didn’t stop her from being frustrated, which surprised her. She was usually very patient and kind when it came to other people’s pain, giving them space or a hug, whichever came first.</p>
<p>So, she didn’t understand the rising heat in her chest, that she suppressed hard, not wanting to let it explode. She knew better than to take her anger out, since it won’t change anything. Since it won’t change Adrien’s father being dead, which meant it was probably her fault. It won’t change the fact that Adrien was leaving for a long time, because he’s an orphan and his father made a selfish choice by leaving his son behind.</p>
<p>It won’t change anything, which is why she pressed harder, firmer, suppressing the anger down like a rock in the ground, scathing the palm of her hand with a painful sting. She would push it down for the life of her, she wouldn’t let her anger get out of control, she can’t let that happen, she can’t—</p>
<p>“Marinette! What are you doing?!”</p>
<p>Marinette looked over to see a horrified Tikki, gesturing at her hand while her eyes screamed <em>stop. </em></p>
<p>She didn’t understand why until she looked down at her right palm, and gasped.</p>
<p>She dropped the broken pencil in her hand, the fancy metal clattering to the ground next to her feet. She jumped back, avoiding the harmless piece of metal as it bounced near her.</p>
<p>It should’ve been harmless, but she made it completely the opposite.</p>
<p>The metal was sharp enough to cut a gash in the palm of her hand, and she stared at it confused. It stung like a mother, and blood slowly dripped out of it and down her wrist and arm.</p>
<p>“What were you thinking?!” Tikki cried again as Marinette reached for the tissues at her desk, putting pressure on the new wound.</p>
<p>“I-I don’t know,” she said, staring as the blood slowly filled the tissues. It wasn’t a heavy flow, the wound not deep enough to worry her too much about infection.</p>
<p>She did, however, feel worried about what just happened.</p>
<p>She walked to the bathroom and pulled out the first aid kit, Tikki hovering next to her as she placed her palm under some warm water, wincing as the water ran over the cut, washing some blood down the drain. She carefully dried it and put some clean gauze on it before wrapping it up to protect it.</p>
<p>She walked back into her room, holding her hand delicately and apologizing to both herself and Tikki.</p>
<p>“I…” She said, still not understanding. “I don’t know why I did that… I-I didn’t even realize I was doing that until you warned me.”</p>
<p>Tikki was silent for a long moment, which caused Marinette to look up at her, noticing the guilty look on her face. “What?” she asked her kwami.</p>
<p>Tikki hesitated before opening her mouth to answer when a shrill sound echoed around the room, making both parties jump.</p>
<p>Marinette picked her phone up off the desk, answering the call immediately. “Hello?”</p>
<p>
  <em>“Hey girl, are you almost ready? Nino and I are standing outside the bakery.” </em>
</p>
<p>Marinette mentally slapped her forehead, “Right, cleaning up the school. Got it, I’ll be right down. Just give me a minute, Alya.”</p>
<p>
  <em>“No rush Marinette, the school will have plenty of spaces to clean.” </em>
</p>
<p>Marinette cringed, “Is the school messed up that bad?”</p>
<p><em>“Ohhh yeah, I heard something about Ladybug not being able to use her Miraculous Cure at the end of the battle so the whole of Paris needs a fix up.” </em>Her best friend sighed on the other end of the phone, <em>“Dupont took a pretty hard hit though. There were like, five akumas inside just wrecking the place.” </em></p>
<p>“I’m sorry,” Marinette said.</p>
<p>
  <em>“Girl, you don’t need to be sorry, this isn’t your fault.” </em>
</p>
<p><em>It kind of is, </em>she thought to herself, but she only sighed. “Okay, well, I’ll come meet you downstairs. Just give me a second.”</p>
<p>She hung up and put some more appropriate clothes on before grabbing her purse with Tikki inside and barreled down the stairs, making sure she didn’t tumble down them at the same time. She met Alya and Nino outside the bakery before they all walked across the street to the school, where they saw most of the Dupont students already hard at work.</p>
<p>Trying to avoid hurting her cut hand again, she used her left hand to do most of the work, which was frustrating since her right hand was her dominant one. However, she did get along, cleaning up shards of glass near the broken windows and sweeping them into dust bins to dump into bins.</p>
<p>Even though cleaning wasn’t usually fun, she giggled a lot with Alya and Nino as they walked around picking up broken pieces of the school. Everyone in the courtyard and the classrooms of the school were having a little fun to, enjoying each other’s company and helping clean the place that was basically a second home to them.</p>
<p>Marinette was eventually left alone as Alya and Nino left to go help Alix and Kim move a few bookshelves from the floor of the classroom. She volunteered the stay behind, to sweep up the last few shards of glass off the ground that were being impossible. Finally, she leaned down and carefully picked up the last harmful shard of glass, a pointed piece about two inches long. She was about to turn around and walk it to the bin when she stopped and scowled at who was in front of her.</p>
<p>“Lila,” she said, dropping the hand with the shard of glass in it.</p>
<p>Lila eyed her, leaning down and taking a shard of glass off the ground, one Marinette hadn’t noticed before. She outstretched it to her, “You missed this one.”</p>
<p>Marinette hesitantly reached out with her right hand and took it from her, watching for any sudden movements in case she decided to chuck it at her. She placed it in her left hand, looking down at it curiously before looking back up at her.</p>
<p>“Thanks,” she said, eyeing her suspiciously.</p>
<p>She walked past her and towards the bin, very aware of the girl following close behind her. Marinette tossed the glass shards into the bin before turning back to Lila, giving her a half-lidded look.</p>
<p>“Do you need something?” she asked, crossing her arms.</p>
<p>Lila shrugged, “I guess so,” she said, placing her hands behind her back. “How’s Adrien?”</p>
<p>Marinette softened a little bit, relaxing her shoulders as she watched the girl in front of her. “Why can’t you ask him yourself?”</p>
<p>“Because he won’t answer my calls.”</p>
<p>Marinette scoffed, “I wonder why.”</p>
<p>Lila rolled her eyes, “What the hell, Marinette?” she said, actually looking tired. “I’m just asking if he’s okay.”</p>
<p>Marinette watched her, before taking a deep breath and looking down, remembering to humble herself, even when it came to people like Lila.</p>
<p>“He’s… grieving,” she said.</p>
<p>Lila grimaced, “I would be angry, if my father was Hawkmoth…”</p>
<p>Marinette eyed Lila, “He probably is angry, but he’s allowed to be sad to.”</p>
<p>Lila scoffed, crossing her arms and looking to the side before answering. “Over the man that was terrorizing the city?” she laughed dryly, “I doubt it.”</p>
<p>Marinette stared at her in disbelief, “He was his <em>father.</em>”</p>
<p>“So?” Lila asked, uncrossing her arms and giving Marinette a challenging eye. “He was a <em>liar, traitor</em> and a <em>monster,</em>” she scowled at her. “He deserved what he got.”</p>
<p>Marinette dropped her jaw, her veins bubbling with anger. “He might’ve been a monster,” she said lowly, stepping forward. “But he didn’t deserve to die.”</p>
<p>Lila stepped forward, equally challenging her. “And how would you know?” she asked, her voice low and threatening. She smiled devilishly, “For all we know he could’ve turned the people around him into monsters. Like his coworkers, his colleagues, friends…” she grinned, “His own son?”</p>
<p>Marinette grew a dark look in her eyes, “Adrien would <em>never</em> do that.”</p>
<p>Lila also grew a shadow over her face, “You wanna test that theory?”</p>
<p>“I would bet my own life on it,” Marinette said, poking a finger at Lila. “Adrien is a good person, he would never side with his father’s actions.”</p>
<p>“Grief can do some dark things to a person,” Lila said, tilting her head at her. “Who says he wouldn’t?”</p>
<p>“Me, for starters,” Marinette said, glaring coldly at her. “And anyone who truly knows him.”</p>
<p>Lila grinned, “But do you know him when he’s at his lowest?”</p>
<p>Marinette paused at that.</p>
<p>Seeing she caught her off guard, Lila continued. “When a person is at their lowest, even the most kindhearted person can bring shit down.” She shrugged, backing away from her a single step, “They’re so distraught with grief and pain they feel the need to get it out, and sometimes they believe the best way to get it out, is by doing the most horrible, disgusting thing that comes to mind.”</p>
<p>Marinette’s fists clenched, “Stop it.”</p>
<p>“I’m just warning you, Marinette,” Lila said, not backing down. “Adrien might be stepping into the dark side, and he could drag you and your little pathetic band of misfits along for the ride.” She chuckled lowly, “What’s the matter? Can’t take the heat?”</p>
<p>Marinette’s face was beet red with anger, her eyes flaming as she tried to keep her cool. The things she was saying about him, the unspeakable things she was suggesting about him when he was grieving was the most insensitive thing she’s ever heard. Lila may have been a bitch before, but now as she watched her insult the supposedly guy she likes, she was way more than that, beyond any words she could form in her mouth.</p>
<p>Lila apparently wasn’t done. She chuckled again, “Apparently not,” she grinned and crossed her arms, like Marinette was a movie she was excitedly waiting for the climax to hit, for the volcano to explode.</p>
<p>For the life of her, she wasn’t going to give her that satisfaction.</p>
<p>“Just face the truth, Marinette,” she said, still watching her with an eager expression. “Adrien is one step away from crossing the line between good and evil. Hell, maybe you’ll still be there, supporting him in everything he does until he betrays you.”</p>
<p>“Stop it,” Marinette warned again, feeling herself boiling underneath the surface.</p>
<p>“God, <em>everyone’s</em> going to betray you, eventually,” she smirked, “It’s just a matter of Who. Goes. First.”</p>
<p>“I said,” Marinette said, getting up in her face, “Stop it.”</p>
<p>Lila smirked, “Why?” she asked, pouting her lip in mock sympathy. “You gonna hit me?” She leaned closer, the cocky grin returning. “Try. I dare you.”</p>
<p><em>Don’t, </em>Marinette thought, trying to control her emotions.</p>
<p>“I doubt you have the guts,” Lila said, eyeing her. “Marinette Dupain-Cheng hitting someone? Please, the odds are lower than—<em>agh</em>!”</p>
<p>Marinette saw red, a white-hot anger passing through her body like a tidal wave cascading over her, crushing the wall she built to keep her emotions back. The wall was there to keep her anger back, but it was all to no avail, considering Lila was now on the ground, holding her bleeding lip and crying loudly.</p>
<p>“She <em>hit </em>me!” she cried, shrieking like she was in a lot of pain. “She <em>hit </em>me!”</p>
<p>“Marinette?”</p>
<p>Marinette whipped around, watching as the horrified faces of all her peers stood before her, all watching her with both curiosity and shock.</p>
<p>“Marinette?” Alya said, glancing down at Lila with concern, before turning back to her. “What happened?”</p>
<p>Marinette stood frozen in shock herself, breathing heavily as if she had just been running. She… she didn’t really hit her, right? She can’t remember exactly, it was all just a big wave of emotions and anger and suddenly Lila’s on the ground, crying… she may hate Lila’s guts, but she hadn’t meant to hurt her.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry,” she said, turning back to Lila, “I didn’t mean—” She faltered when she saw the smug look on her face, wiping the blood away from her lip, a grin spreading on her lips that no one but her could see.</p>
<p>Her face morphed from that to pain so fast it gave her whiplash, “Why would you do that, Marinette?” she cried, her facial expression believable as if she were actually in pain. “I was only trying to hug you!”</p>
<p>Marinette growled, “You were baiting me.”</p>
<p>Lila grinned again, still hiding her injured lip. “Of course, I was, why else would I say all those awful things?”</p>
<p>Marinette would have hit her again if it wasn’t for the hand that landed on her shoulder and she flinched, jumping out of reach of the person.</p>
<p>“Whoa,” Alya said, giving her an uneasy look. “Marinette, what’s up with you today? Why would you hit her?”</p>
<p>Marinette looked over at Lila, her grin ceased to exist, but her eyes said all she needed to know. She did that to shame her, to get people to give dark glares at her, because she hurt a sweet innocent girl. There were several glares going around the room, most of them pointed at Marinette.</p>
<p>She deflated and was about to apologize when Lila spoke up again, this time for all to hear.</p>
<p>“I was just trying to give her a hug because she was so upset about Mr. Agreste’s death and Adrien!” she cried, sobbing, “But then, she started saying all these horrible things about Adrien, like how he would betray each and every one of us by carrying on in his father’s steps!”</p>
<p>There were several gasps from around the room.</p>
<p>“When I tried telling her to lay off Adrien, she just—just came at me!” she cried, sobbing horribly, and it was <em>damn </em>believable. “Now I’m bleeding because I tried standing up for A-Adrien.”</p>
<p>“That’s not true!” Marinette cried, bringing everyone’s attention back to her. “I would never say something like that about Adrien! You all know that, right?” She looked around her and watched as all her peers turned their eyes away and she deflated. “Guys?”</p>
<p>No one answered.</p>
<p>Marinette turned desperately to Alya and Nino, “You guys believe me, right?”</p>
<p>Alya stepped closer, “I believe you would never say those things to Adrien,” she said quietly, then she glanced back at Lila with an unreadable expression on her face. “But… you did hit her, Marinette.”</p>
<p>Marinette felt something drop in her chest, “You’re taking her side?”</p>
<p>Alya raised her hands in surrender, “I’m not taking anyone’s side—”</p>
<p>“Not mine?” She asked, hurt in her voice. “Not your best friend’s?”</p>
<p>Alya didn’t answer, glancing up at Nino helplessly who locked eyes with her for a long moment before looking back at Marinette, eyeing her. “Why did you hit her, Marinette?”</p>
<p>That was it. That was the last straw.</p>
<p>Something light dropped on her head and she looked up curiously and watched as rain started coming down hard over the school. Everyone, including Lila, ran for cover, just as the rain came pouring down in sheets. It was sunny earlier, why was it suddenly raining?</p>
<p>Marinette stayed glued to her spot, her entire body getting drenched.</p>
<p>“Marinette!” Alya called from under cover, waving her over. “C’mon! You’re getting soaked!”</p>
<p>Marinette looked up, water dripping from her bangs, rain covering her from head to toe as she stared back at her, the rain not the only water on her cheeks. She sobbed once, before turning tail and running, running hard and fast through the rain. She didn’t stop, didn’t stop until she couldn’t breathe, couldn’t see and didn’t care on bit where the hell she was.</p>
<p>Because she only cared about one question, one question she kept asking herself over and over again.</p>
<p>
  <em>What is wrong with me? </em>
</p>
<p>.             .             .</p>
<p>“Ah! Shit!”</p>
<p>Plagg came zooming into the bathroom at Adrien’s cry in pain, scared something might be attacking him or that his owner might be hurt.</p>
<p>“Adrien, what happened?” he said, entering the bathroom.</p>
<p>Adrien’s side was facing the mirror, the side that got injured during the battle and he was picking at the bloody gauze that had dried to his skin, his face contorting in pain as he struggled to pull it off. Soon enough, with a final wince and whimper in pain, the bloody gauze came off his skin. The wound wasn’t as bad as Ladybug made it out to be, just a single slash across his side that wasn’t too deep, which meant no stitches, thank God, he was not in the mood to poke himself with a needle and thread.</p>
<p>“I’m fine,” Adrien answered Plagg’s worried expression, tossing the bloody gauze in the trash. He reached over to the cabinet on his wall and pulled his first aid kit from it, pulling out some tape and new gauze. He also grabbed the rubbing alcohol and some cotton balls and set them out on the counter.</p>
<p>With a grimace, he cleaned his wound again, first cleaning the skin around it, sometimes hissing when he would brush the flaps of exposed skin. He tried his best to clean most of it, clearing away the dried blood.</p>
<p>This was the second time he dressed his wound, the first time when he was alone in his room last night after the cops had enough of prodding him for answers. He was a little squeamish, which was ridiculous considering how many wounds he’s had to clean in the past when Ladybug didn’t use her Miraculous Cure. Only because it was unnecessary for bank robbers or runaway cars, but that didn’t mean they never got injured during those times.</p>
<p>When Adrien finished dressing the wound, wincing as he taped the gaze to his skin to keep it in place, he stepped out of his bathroom into his moonlit room. The stars were out, and, despite the fact that it was raining earlier, there wasn’t a single cloud out that night.</p>
<p>This was the perfect night for a late-night patrol. It was Ladybug’s night, which meant he could stay home and rest, but at the same time, he wondered even if she was out tonight, considering all she went through yesterday.</p>
<p>Considering she literally died in his arms, right in front of him. He had watched the light fade from her eyes that day, watched as her gaze slowly left his and looked to the sky in a horrifyingly long moment. Her death lasted forever, it seemed like, and the way she completely fell still in his arms—</p>
<p>He twisted his head to the side, contorting his face as if he were in pain. He didn’t want to think about it, he didn’t want to think about any of it, how she—Ladybug… was… was gone.</p>
<p>Ladybug.</p>
<p>
  <em>Marinette. </em>
</p>
<p>Adrien shivered. He felt bad enough that he had lied to her about her death, but then lying to her and not telling her why exactly she had been unconscious. And lying to her about Hawkmoth’s death, convincing her that he had landed on his own sword for unknown reasons, when really, he had traded his life for his. He had played God.</p>
<p>It was then he realized he had traded his <em>father’s </em>life for hers, and if he was given a choice between Marinette and his father, he honestly had no idea who to choose. Despite the fact that Ladybug—Marinette was a beautiful person, so kind and generous and patient with others, his father was still his father, <em>his blood,</em> and he wouldn’t know how to choose between the person he loves, and the person that was supposed to love him.</p>
<p>The dark side of his brain told him he shouldn’t care that his father betrayed him in the worst way. First by being this evil bastard that manipulated people into getting what he wanted. Second by keeping mom a secret from him all this time, and third by never being the father he begged him to be.</p>
<p>But then there was the lighter side of his brain, where his love and hope for Ladybug lived, where his prayers that his mother would return used to live. This was where he found all his encouraging words for Ladybug when she needed them, where he kept his honest thoughts and intentions, where he stored and treasured his most favorite memories, most of them being of Ladybug.</p>
<p>This part of his brain told him he should let it go, that there was nothing he could do about it right now, and that is correct. He can’t do anything about it right now, he already made the wish, he got Ladybug back, even if he has to keep her in the dark about this. It was all in the past and he had to just live with it now, live with the fact that he traded his father’s life for Ladybug’s.</p>
<p>And, if he was being honest, he would rather have her back than him.</p>
<p>And that thought both warmed him and made him feel even guiltier.</p>
<p>Realizing he’s been staring up at the ceiling for who knows how long on his back, lying lazily on the couch with no particular thought going through his head anymore. He pushed himself up off the couch and looked outside, the moonlit city now calling his name.</p>
<p>He was leaving for a while tomorrow morning, probably wouldn’t be back in years.</p>
<p>“One last time,” he said, getting up. He took a deep breath, before calling Plagg over and transforming. He snuck out his window, leaving it cracked enough to get inside again later and jumped out.</p>
<p>He flew from rooftop to rooftop, letting himself feel the freedom he always felt as Chat Noir. He didn’t have to be Adrien when he was his alter ego, he could be anything he wanted, <em>would </em>be anything he wanted.</p>
<p>He let all thoughts of yesterday flow off his shoulders as he jumped from rooftop to rooftop, letting the call of Paris drive him wherever he was going, and not caring one bit where exactly that was. He was grieving, he deserved to be carefree for a moment.</p>
<p>He spotted her when he landed on the same roof as her, stumbling forward, surprised by the tiny red suited superheroine that sat at the edge of the rooftop, her legs dangling off the sides.</p>
<p>He had to resist the urge to say her real name, considering he knew exactly who was under that mask. He approached her carefully, trying to tell her without words that he was there, but she failed to notice him until he finally spoke up.</p>
<p>“My lady?”</p>
<p>She flinched, but didn’t look surprised when she turned to him, her expression unreadable.</p>
<p>“Oh,” she said, her eyes tired. “Hi, Chat.”</p>
<p>He gave her a concerned look, “What are you doing out here so late?”</p>
<p>She turned from him, looking back over the dark streets of Paris, shrugging, “Couldn’t sleep.” She turned to him, giving him a questioning look, “What about you?”</p>
<p>He pressed his lips together, not wanting to drag her into the mess that was his life at the moment. Well, more than she already was, considering he knew the girl behind the mask.</p>
<p>“Same,” he said, still not moving from his spot.</p>
<p>Ladybug watched him before moving her arm, placing her hand next to her and patting the cement. “Care to join me?” she asked, a lightness in her tone this time.</p>
<p>For the first time in hours, Chat smiled lightly. She always did bring the best parts of him to light. He walked forward and sat next to her, his shoulder pressing against hers and he immediately noticed her shivering next to him.</p>
<p>“Are you cold?” he asked, looking over in concern.</p>
<p>She nodded, “Yeah, but I’m fine.”</p>
<p>He reached out to her and touched her hand, which was in her lap and she flinched at the contact, but she didn’t pull away either.</p>
<p>“Jeez, LB, c’mere,” he said, reaching around her.</p>
<p>“No, it’s fine—” Ladybug was cut off as Chat pulled her into him and she immediately relaxed against him, his body heat seeping into her skin.</p>
<p>She hummed as she scooted closer to him, shifting comfortably, “This is nice,” she said.</p>
<p>He looked down at her, “Warming up?”</p>
<p>She nodded, “Thank you.”</p>
<p>“Always.”</p>
<p>They have a long moment of silence together. A moment where Chat had too much to say but couldn’t find the words to formulate it. He knew he was leaving Paris, which also meant he was leaving Ladybug—<em>Marinette</em>, behind, and he didn’t want to do that. Even with Hawkmoth gone, Mayura was still at large, which made him even more hesitant about leaving, but it wasn’t like he had any sort of choice.</p>
<p>There was also the big part about how he knew her identity, and the fact that she didn’t know his or even that he knew about her. He only found out because her transformation wore off too soon and he had to use the earrings to bring her back. He was nervous about knowing who she was, like how she would react for starters; she has always been the one to enforce the rule about identity secrecy, which annoyed him, but he followed along and respected her wishes. He hated the idea of making her uncomfortable, but also knew it was too late for him to worry too much about it.</p>
<p>“It must’ve been hard to watch,” she finally spoke up.</p>
<p>He looked down, her head resting against his shoulder while her entire side pressed into his. He would be lying if he didn’t get butterflies from her touch.</p>
<p>“What was?” he asked.</p>
<p>She sat back up and Chat immediately missed her warmth, despite the fact that he was the one that was supposed to be keeping her warm.</p>
<p>“Watching Hawkmoth kill himself,” she said, hesitance in her voice.</p>
<p>Ah, right, that was another thing to worry about. Keeping this lie going so she never finds out about her unknown death.</p>
<p>“Yeah,” he said, avoiding her gaze. “It was pretty… gruesome.”</p>
<p>She sighed and he looked over at her, admiring the way the moonlight danced off her rosy cheeks, the way she sniffed a few times as her nose was affected by the cold. Her eyes watched the city below her in a careful manner, half lidded like she was tired, or that she had a long day.</p>
<p>“Are you okay?” he asked, giving her a concerned once over.</p>
<p>She turned to him, “Fine,” she said, her tone fake. “Why?”</p>
<p>He gave her a knowing look, “Because I know when you’re lying to me.”</p>
<p><em>Oh, the hypocrisy.</em> He pushed this thought out of his brain as she sighed next to him.</p>
<p>“Honestly? I had a really tough day,” she said, snorting like it was some joke. “I don’t know I just… it was weird.”</p>
<p>“Weird?” He repeated.</p>
<p>She turned to look at him, “Yeah, like…” she trailed off, thinking. “Like, I felt really off today for some reason. I hit someone—”</p>
<p>“You <em>hit </em>someone?” he asked in disbelief, almost grinning at the thought of Marinette pulling a fast one on someone who was antagonizing her.</p>
<p>She gave him a look, “Don’t look to happy, Chat,” she said, moving her gaze away. “It didn’t end well.”</p>
<p>He nodded, slipping behind his poker face again and nodded for her to continue.</p>
<p>She sighed, “I hit her because she was saying these really horrible things about my friend who lost a family member during the fight yesterday.” She gained a guilty look on her face, but before Chat could reassure her, she continued. “And then, she pushed me to hit her by not backing down and… I don’t know I just, saw red and suddenly she was on the ground.” She sighed again, pulling her knees up to her chest, “Then she turned all my friends against me, like it was <em>my fault.</em>”</p>
<p>
  <em>Lila. </em>
</p>
<p>Chat scowled, he didn’t understand how someone like her could act so sweet and innocent when behind that bright smile she wore all the time, there was just an ugly liar. Lila was the kind of person that didn’t give up until she got what she wanted, and clearly what she wanted was to hurt Marinette, and that pissed him off.</p>
<p>He softened a little bit, the saint inside him tell him that Marinette had hit her, and that technically it was her fault in other’s eyes, but he understood differently. From the way she told it, and he would believe anything coming from her mouth, it sounded like Lila antagonized her enough to push her off the edge. Although, he would never paint Marinette as someone that would hurt anyone, not even Lila, which was the weird part.</p>
<p><em>She’s coming back from the </em>dead, <em>Chat, that does some </em>dark <em>things to a person. </em></p>
<p>He tried not to show his fear in his eyes, or in the way his head started floating uncomfortably. He didn’t want to think about Tikki’s warning words, and how they seemed to be coming true. Marinette has always been a sweet person, and she was a very righteous and amazing Ladybug when it all came down to it. So… was it his fault that she was feeling this way?</p>
<p>He tried not to think about it.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry,” he said, looking down.</p>
<p>She shook her head, not looking at him. “It’s not your fault, <em>Chaton.</em>”</p>
<p>He sighed, not willing to argue when he knew it was.</p>
<p>“Who was the person that died?” he asked, finally looking over at her.</p>
<p>She glanced his way, before turning back towards the city, the guilt returning to her eyes. She hesitated for a long moment before shifting uncomfortably, “It was Adrien Agreste’s father.”</p>
<p>Chat suppressed the urge to gasp, holding his breath instead. Did Marinette really hit Lila because of him? Why would Marinette go through the trouble of hitting someone to defend him?</p>
<p>He swallowed, “I’m…” he cleared his throat, remembering she doesn’t want him apologizing. “That’s really sad.”</p>
<p>She nodded, “Yeah.”</p>
<p>He looked back over at her and noticed her clenched fists and her shadowed eyes. She looked a little scary like that and Chat hesitantly reached out to her, placing a hand between her shoulder blades. He shone with pride when she relaxed at his touch, her muscles underneath his hand releasing and her fists unclenching.</p>
<p>“You okay?” he asked again, watching her carefully.</p>
<p>She nodded for a few seconds before suddenly clenching her fists again and standing up suddenly, walking away from him with fire in her tone.</p>
<p>“I just don’t get it,” she said, turning back to him with a frustrated look. “Why go through all that trouble to get our Miraculous just to kill himself?” She asked, before turning her gaze over to the city, sighing. “It just doesn’t make sense.”</p>
<p>Chat’s guilt grew ten-fold as he slowly got to his feet to join her, keeping his distance so she didn’t see the darkened look in his eyes that showed he wasn’t as innocent as she thought.</p>
<p>“Yeah,” he finally agreed, keeping himself from flinching when she returned his gaze. “It doesn’t make sense.”</p>
<p>Ladybug grew a suspicious look in her eye, crossing her arms at her chest. “What’s up with you?”</p>
<p>He met her eyes again, trying to look innocent. But much to his inconvenience, his voice decided to fail him at that opportune moment. “N-Nothing,” he said.</p>
<p>She grew even more suspicious at that. “That is what happened… right?”</p>
<p>Chat caved, slumping his shoulders as he looked away shamefully, making Ladybug step closer to him in concern.</p>
<p>“Chat,” she said gently. “Chat, look at me.”</p>
<p>When he finally turned his gaze back to her, her eyes grew wide in understanding, and he knew she immediately could tell that something was wrong.</p>
<p>“Chat,” she said, her voice careful. “What happened?”</p>
<p>Chat shook his head, an apology that screamed from his eyes since he was no longer able to lie to her anymore. “I’m sorry.”</p>
<p>She stepped closer; her eyes wide and worried, “What did you do?”</p>
<p>Chat took a long moment responding, considering his words carefully. He wished he could lay this on her easy, wished he didn’t have to lie to her, and wished he didn’t have to hurt her like this.</p>
<p>But he also knew she would never forgive him if he continued to lie for years afterwards.</p>
<p>He took a deep breath, before finally speaking the words.</p>
<p>“I made the wish,” he said.</p>
<p>Ladybug was still, and he looked up at her questioningly. Her eyes and mouth wide with shock as she stared at him, her disbelief practically screaming from her expression. She waited a long time before responding, like she was waiting for a really bad, really terrible punch line to an even worse joke, but when no such thing came, she exploded.</p>
<p>“You did <em>what?!</em>” she cried, making him flinch from her tone of voice. “Chat, why the<em> hell </em>would you do that?”</p>
<p>“I’m sorry,” he said quietly, which only seemed to make her angrier.</p>
<p>“Did you do it so we could win?!” she shouted, gesturing no where in particular. “Did you wish Hawkmoth to die just to make it <em>easy?!</em>”</p>
<p>“No,” he said, his voice still quiet. He could feel something rising inside him, only it wasn’t anger this time, but desperation, desperation for her to understand.</p>
<p>“Then why?!” she shouted, throwing her arms in the air like she’s had it. “Why would you make the wish?!”</p>
<p>“You—” he stopped, meeting her eyes and gaining a new sense of desperation, one that made his heart pound painfully in his chest. “You were gone!” he cried.</p>
<p>Ladybug was caught off guard by this, and she took a single step backwards with a confused look on her face. “What do you mean <em>I was gone</em>?”</p>
<p>He looked away, not wanting to meet her eyes with the amount of shame pressing down on his throbbing heart.</p>
<p>She waited, “Chat—”</p>
<p>“You died,” he finally answered, forcing himself to look into her widening, horrified eyes. He raised his hand to her, “You were dead, Ladybug, Hawkmoth killed you and…” he dropped his gaze, looking to the ground as the crushing reality hit him. “You died because of me… because I wasn’t fast enough to save you.”</p>
<p>She wouldn’t meet his eyes, her gaze glued to a spot next to his feet. He watched her process it for a long, long time. Several minutes passed by and he waited anxiously for her response to it, knowing no matter his intentions, it wasn’t going to be good.</p>
<p>“So, what?” she finally said, raising her gaze to meet his. “You did this out of guilt?”</p>
<p>His eyes widened, “No!” he cried, but faltered. “I-I mean, I’m—” he looked at her helplessly, “I didn’t mean to do it out of guilt.”</p>
<p>She shook her head in disbelief before turning away, making him face her back which hurt him more than he cared to admit, or cared to realize how much he deserved it.</p>
<p>He bowed his head in shame, looking at his feet. “I’m sorry,” he said quietly.</p>
<p>“Sorry?” Ladybug said, turning around and locking eyes with him, furious. “Sorry doesn’t change what you did, Chat!” she said.</p>
<p>He nodded, looking away, “I know.”</p>
<p>“Was it Hawkmoth?” she asked, her breathing heavy. “Did you trade Hawkmoth’s life for my own?”</p>
<p>He met her eyes, “Yes.”</p>
<p>She huffed in disbelief, crossing her arms at her chest as she gave Chat a disapproving look. “You do realize he had a son?” she asked, forcing him to meet her eyes again. “And that kid—Adrien, is an orphan now.”</p>
<p>Chat closed his eyes, “I didn’t know he was my—his father.”</p>
<p>She locked her jaw at him, “But even if you knew he was, would you have still made the wish?”</p>
<p>He didn’t answer, closing his eyes again.</p>
<p>After a long moment of tense silence, he finally spoke up. “I’m sorry, Mar—My Lady,” he said, his heart jumping in his chest as he hoped and prayed that she didn’t notice.</p>
<p>But his luck was already going south today, and Ladybug’s eyes widened.</p>
<p>“What were you going to say?” she asked.</p>
<p>Trying to play dumb, he said, “What?”</p>
<p>She gave him a suspicious look, “You were going to say something else, something other than my name.” She watched him carefully, when her eyes slowly started to understand. “To make the wish, you had to take my earrings off, so…” she locked eyes with him, fearful of her own suspicions. </p>
<p>He gave her another helpless look, and she dropped both arms to her sides, her eyes wide with surprise and worry.</p>
<p>“You know who I am.”</p>
<p>Chat closes his eyes in shame, “I’m sorry—”</p>
<p>“Say it,” Ladybug said, watching him carefully. “Say my name.”</p>
<p>There was a long, painful pause until he finally looked up, meeting her wide eyes filled with hurt.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry,” he said, shaking his head in shame. “Marinette.”</p>
<p>Another long pause.</p>
<p>Chat looked away, “I screwed up.”</p>
<p>She scoffed, “Yeah,” she said, meeting his eyes again. “You did.”</p>
<p>He watched her for a long moment, opening and closing his mouth as he searched for something to say. Apologies weren’t getting through to her or going anywhere for him.</p>
<p>“What can I do?” he settled on.</p>
<p>She shook her head, “There’s nothing you can do, Chat,” she said, her voice quiet and hurt. “It’s too late, you already made the wish, you know my identity…” she met his eyes, her own taking on a look of helplessness. “So, what’s the point in trying?”</p>
<p>Chat watched her for a long moment, watched the hurt reflect back into her eyes like a mirror, he watched the tears brimming on her eye lids, a look of pure betrayal in her expression. The look hurt him more than anything, which was maybe why he said the next thing.</p>
<p>“Because I love you,” he said slowly.</p>
<p>Ladybug’s eyes widened and she looked down, her demeanor slightly softening at his words. “Don’t bring your feelings for me into this.”</p>
<p>“Ladybug, these aren’t just feelings,” he said, stepping closer hesitantly. “When I say I love you, I mean<em> I love you.</em>” He watched her for a long moment, “What about you? Your feelings?”</p>
<p>She jerked her head back up, her cheeks slightly red, “What?”</p>
<p>“You said we would talk,” he said, spreading his arms. “Why didn’t you pull away from the kiss if you didn’t have feelings for me?”</p>
<p>“That’s—” she said, huffing at him. “That’s not what this conversation’s about.”</p>
<p>“You’re right,” he said, taking another step closer. “It was selfish of me to bring you back in place of someone else…” he softened, meeting her eyes again. “But that doesn’t mean I did it for selfish reasons.”</p>
<p>“You felt guilty,” she accused. “You brought me back because you can’t stand the thought of me being gone.”</p>
<p>“Is that so bad?” he asked, “Is it so bad when I say I can’t live without you?”</p>
<p>She gave him an incredulous look before nodding, “Yeah,” she said, her tears in her eyes threatening to fall. “Cause now you’ve dragged me into it to.”</p>
<p>“Ladybug,” he said, taking another step closer, until only a foot was between them. “It was always about you.”</p>
<p>There was a long pause, the moment between them delicate as they held each other’s gazes. But it was a moment where they somehow understood each other, but at the same time they didn’t want to, so they blocked each other out.</p>
<p>“I’m leaving,” Chat finally said.</p>
<p>Ladybug’s eyes widened, “What?”</p>
<p>“I’m leaving,” he said again, hating the anguish in her eyes. “I don’t know when I’ll be back.”</p>
<p>She stared at him, “Why?”</p>
<p>“I…” he looked down, avoiding her gaze. “Personal reasons.”</p>
<p>She crossed her arms at her chest, “You’re leaving?”</p>
<p>“I don’t really have a choice, My Lady,” he said, using the nickname carefully like it might hurt her. “I would stay… but I can’t.”</p>
<p>She took a deep breath, “So, after making the wish, trading my life for Hawkmoth’s, and finding out my identity…” she shook her head in disbelief, “You’re leaving me?”</p>
<p>He met her eyes, surprised by her words.</p>
<p>“After everything, <em>on top </em>of everything,” she said, pulling her hands to her chest with hurt in her eyes. “You’re leaving me?”</p>
<p>He gave her a helpless look, reaching out to her, “I’m sorry—”</p>
<p>She moved away from his touch; her index finger raised in warning. “Don’t.”</p>
<p>Something broke in his chest as he dropped his arm back down. “Do you really want me around?” he asked her, “After all I’ve done?”</p>
<p>Ladybug didn’t answer for a long time, avoiding his gaze. Seeing her like this hurt him beyond words, the person he loved looking at him like he was a disgusting animal. But he was even more confused when she continued carefully.</p>
<p>“You made some shitty mistakes,” she said, finally meeting his eyes. “But I still need my partner.”</p>
<p>He shook his head, “You have Rena Rouge, Carapace and Queen Bee to back you up,” he gestured to himself, “You <em>don’t</em> need me, Ladybug.”</p>
<p>She growled, “Yes, I do,” she said firmly, daring to step closer to him. “They may be good teammates,” she said, her eyes slightly softening. “But they’re not you.” She crossed her arms at him, her expression returning to steel, “So, yes, dumbass,” she said, her eyes softening again as she met his eyes. “I need you.”</p>
<p>There was another long pause, Chat completely stunned by her words that were making it impossible to respond to him at all.</p>
<p>Ladybug looked down, “This doesn’t change what you did,” she said, her voice quiet and shaky as she forced out her next words. “And I can’t just… forgive you for that.”</p>
<p>Chat nodded, “I understand.”</p>
<p>She looked back up at him, “But I will,” she said, her mouth agape as she stared back at him with a determined look in her eyes. “I will I just need… time,” she said, looking away. “I want to forgive you, Chat, but there’s this… something inside of me that I have to deal with.” She looked back up at him, her eyes filled with pain, “And I think it has something to do with dying and coming back to life.”</p>
<p>“Tikki warned me,” Chat blurted, looking down at his feet. “She warned me that when you came back you would be different, and I didn’t listen.” He took a shaky breath, looking back up at her, “I’m so sorry, Marinette.”</p>
<p>“Stop apologizing,” she said, her voice stern. “I said I would eventually forgive you.”</p>
<p>He stared back at her, before nodding and looking down.</p>
<p>Ladybug caved a little and she reached out to him, hesitantly placing a hand on his arm and catching his eye, rubbing her thumb affectionately against his arm.</p>
<p>“Maybe when you come back, I’ll be ready,” she said gently, then frowned. “But I can’t promise it.”</p>
<p>Chat couldn’t move for a long time, staring down at her while searching her eyes with a question and a hopeless feeling in his chest. He wanted her so bad to forgive him, and he wanted so bad to see that smile he loved so much on her face. He wanted to see her eyes glint like they used to.</p>
<p>But it seemed, that maybe she lost it through all the darkness she has faced. The darkness <em>he put in her.</em></p>
<p>And that tore apart Chat’s heart.</p>
<p>He took a deep, shaky breath. “Okay,” he said, finally.</p>
<p>Ladybug nodded before carefully backing away from him, taking her yo-yo from her waist and standing a few feet from him, her eyes hurting and searching for something. Anything to ease the pain that throbbed in both of their chests.</p>
<p>Finally, she spun her yo-yo next to her, her eyes brimming tears again as she stared at him.</p>
<p>“Goodbye, Chat Noir,” she said, her voice shaky.</p>
<p>He stared at her for a long time.</p>
<p>“Goodbye, My—” he stopped, clenching his fists painfully, forcing the wave back. “Goodbye, Ladybug… Marinette.”</p>
<p>Because, after all, she was never his, despite how much he wanted her to be,</p>
<p>Her lip trembled, and he watched as she turned around and jumped from the rooftop, swinging through the city with the grace of an angel. Her hair flipping behind her until finally, she was out of sight.</p>
<p>A single tear fell from Chat’s eye. <em>Too much pain. Too much pain.</em></p>
<p>He stayed rooted to his spot, and he didn’t move until hours later.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Just a reminder, I'm not going to be updating every single day like I did on my other works. I will try to update when I can, but it won't be everyday. </p>
<p>I am still working on this story, so don't worry about me leaving it in the dust :)</p>
<p>Also, Ladybug doesn't know Chat's identity, otherwise she would've been nicer and such. The reason why Marinette is cold all of a sudden will be revealed in time!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Change</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Five years later... things have changed...</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Here's a little bit on the inside of what the plot is gonna look like from here on out ;)</p><p>Enjoy :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chapter 3: Change</p><p> </p><p>It was frustrating. Really. The sunlight danced through the windows like a spotlight, bending the beams since the windows were slightly tinted, making it impossible to see through from the outside. The sun shone brightly above, not a single cloud in sight, and the sky was blue. People outside were walking happily with smiles on their faces, as if everything was perfect, as if everything was alright.</p><p>Maybe in their minds, but in Marinette’s, it wasn’t.</p><p>She sat there, her chin resting in her palm as she stared out the window, a longing look in her eyes. The scene was frustrating only because she longed for it, for days of old, for the days she could prance a top the rooftops and fly through the air like a bird. Preferable with a specific partner of hers.</p><p>Unlike outside, Marinette’s mind was dark, consumed by the terrifying dream she had the night before, a dream that has been haunting her for years. It was filled with an evil voice, a lot of blood, but mostly, the glowing, illuminating pair of bright, green eyes, staring down at her.</p><p>Someone tapped her on the shoulder, and she jumped, snapping back to reality.</p><p>Ms. Martin, her professor, stared down at her with a sympathetic look in her eyes, her hands placed behind her back as she waited for Marinette to realize what was happening around her. She was a beautiful woman, maybe just past thirty years old with long blond hair she tied back in a ponytail. She wore little makeup, with a nice white blouse and dress pants that hugged her ankles and slide on black shoes.</p><p>Marinette’s breathing caught as she forced herself to realize where she was, glancing around the room carefully.</p><p>She was in her college course class, Fashion Design, in the middle of the day, and it was about five minutes until next bell, and she could go home.</p><p>“Are you alright, Marinette?” Ms. Martin asked, once Marinette relaxed her shoulders and met her eyes.</p><p>“I’m fine, thank you,” she said, taking her pencil in her hand and tapping it against her hand.</p><p>Ms. Martin nodded before turning away and walking back to her desk.</p><p>Marinette took a deep breath and glanced back outside, but this time looked more upwards and over the rooftops. She locked eyes on a particular spot, nothing special about it. Except that her mind started taking over, a rush of adrenaline surging through her veins as she watched two figures, dressed in red and black, jump across the rooftops, laughing together.</p><p>Marinette jerked her head away, closing her eyes and forcing it out of her mind. She reached up with her hand and patted the skin just under her collar bone in an uneven pattern. The action helped her regain control of her mind and she took a deep breath as the images slowly filtered out of her mind.</p><p><em>You’re okay, </em>she thought, continuing the patting. <em>Don’t lose control now. </em></p><p>Once her heartbeat slowed and she was able to take a few deep breathes without feeling like she was wearing a belt around her chest, she ceased the patting, and opened her eyes again. As soon as she did, a bell went off around them, signaling the end of class and the end of the day for Marinette.</p><p>She only had a few classes she needed to take until the end of the year, considering she got all the other required stuff out of the way during her first few years of college. As a final year student, she could enjoy the luxury of living off campus, less classes, and focusing on her designs.</p><p>Because, after all, there was nothing more pressing in her life at the moment.</p><p>Gathering her stuff together, she piled them into her book bag and slung it over her shoulder and walking to the front of the room to exit the classroom.</p><p>“Marinette?”</p><p>She stopped, turning around at the voice.</p><p>“Can you stay behind for a few minutes, please?” Ms. Martin asked, kindness showing in her eyes.</p><p>Marinette walked back to her, “Of course,” she said, taking the seat in front of her desk and setting her bag next to her feet. “What do you need?”</p><p>She smiled, leaning back in her chair with a glint in her eyes. “I’m just curious about how your designs are going.”</p><p>Marinette brightened, “Oh, well, there going rather slow so far, but I have a lot of great ideas, especially for my final project.” She smiled, to make sure she was giving off a good vibe about her work, “I really like the theme for this project, it’s such a good idea.”</p><p>“The theme is called ‘Memories’ for a reason,” Ms. Martin said with a grin. “I look forward to looking at your final product.”</p><p>Marinette smiled, “Thanks, I look forward to creating it.”</p><p>Ms. Martin grew a softer expression in her eyes, “And what about you?”</p><p>Marinette knitted her eyebrows together, “What about me?”</p><p>“How are you doing?” Ms. Martin said, leaning forward. “I’ve noticed you dozing off in the middle of my classes.”</p><p>Marinette cringed, “Oh…” she looked down, avoiding her gaze. “I uh… I didn’t sleep well last night.”</p><p>Ms. Martin smiled knowingly, “Well, you are a college student.”</p><p>She snorted, looking back up at her, “Yeah…”</p><p>Ms. Martin looked at her, tilting her head slightly. She grew a look of concern on her face, her lips pulling down in a small frown and her eyebrows knitted together, her eyes crinkling around the corners. Marinette flexed her hands, a little annoyed by the sight. She didn’t like it when people were concerned about her, because that meant questions, and that meant confrontation, and that usually led to a mental breakdown.</p><p>Marinette was not in the mood to cry in front of someone today.</p><p>“Marinette,” Ms. Martin said gently, making said girl look up. She smiled at her, “I’m not going to prod you, but I would like to know it you’re alright.”</p><p>There it was, the very thing she hated. Confrontation.</p><p>She pressed her lips together, shaking her head, “I’m fine, Ms. Martin, thank you.”</p><p>Her professor smiled sweetly, a hint of knowing in her eyes like she knew Marinette was lying. She knew Marinette didn’t like talking about stuff, just about hated it, but then again… Ms. Martin was always kind for not forcing her like most people did. She reminded her of Ms. Bustier back in high school at Dupont, a warm smile, kind eyes and a soothing tone.</p><p>Maybe that’s why Marinette bonded with her the day they turned in her first assignment of the semester. She had a rough night, not getting any sleep, which was a normal thing, but she usually could get about two or three hours of sleep before she had to get up and ready. But on really terrible nights, she didn’t get a wink of sleep, which was absolute torture, but she was used to it by now.</p><p>Unlike back then, she wasn’t used to it, so she walked into class that morning with a hunched back and dark bags under her eyes, trying her hardest to not fall flat on her face. It was like a chain had been embedded in her chest, pulling her down and making it hard to take deep breathes.</p><p>Ms. Martin had taken notice and pulled her aside right after class when everyone had left and sat her down in front of her, making sure she was okay. She was very nice and understanding when Marinette explained her various “problems” she had for a few years now, since she was eighteen.</p><p>Firstly, Ms. Martin told her they weren’t “problems.” They were natural reactions of a human under distress of some sorts. So, even though she struggles with these situations every day, that doesn’t mean they are problems, rather her body adjusting to a new normal.</p><p>And sometimes that could take years, and Ms. Martin said that is okay.</p><p>Considering Marinette’s situations, they made sense.</p><p>Whenever Marinette is struggling particularly hard, during the night or the day, whenever her mind takes that opportunity to overthink a random act she took, she reminded herself of those words.</p><p>They didn’t help one bit when she was struggling, but they did remind her that she was adjusting to whatever this new normal was.</p><p>And the new normal <em>sucked.</em></p><p>They gave her some sort of sad comfort, knowing her new normal was feeling like something was missing, like half of her heart has been ripped out.</p><p>Or rather, someone.</p><p>Thanking Ms. Martin one last time, Marinette took that opportunity to leave. She walked out the building through its double doors and sucked in the sunny afternoon air, having a sudden craving for coffee.</p><p>“Marinette!”</p><p>Marinette turned and grew a fond smile on her face as a blond and a brunette approached her, smiled on their very beautiful faces.</p><p>“What do you think you’re doing?” said the blond girl, a look of mock offense in her eyes. “Leaving campus without us?”</p><p>“Sorry, Claire,” Marinette said, smiling at them both. “I didn’t know when you guys would be out of class.”</p><p>“We didn’t either,” said the brunette, rolling her eyes. “Ms. Alarie was being a little more strict than usual.” She snorted in annoyance, “What were we doing to make her keep the entire class behind?”</p><p>“Well that depends, Chanel,” Marinette said, grinning. “How many paper airplanes were you throwing at her?”</p><p>Claire and Marinette burst out laughing as Chanel glowered them as all three girls started walking down the street.</p><p>“For the record” Chanel continued, as the laughing fits turned to little giggles. “It was only three this time, and it was all worth the death glare she gave me afterward.” She grinned and started laughing herself, “She kept looking around her like she was seeing a ghost.”</p><p>“I would,” Claire said, glancing at the both of them, “I would be freaking out if the air behind me started tugging on my hair.”</p><p>“You would hate if someone was tugging on your hair period,” Marinette said, giggling at them.</p><p>Claire pursed her lips, looking away in defeat. “You’re not wrong,” she mumbled.</p><p>Claire was a blond girl, her stature small and slim. She had piercing, icy blue eyes that were so blue they glowed in the dark. She was a little shorter than Marinette, maybe an inch or two smaller than her, but her sassy attitude and her flashy smile made up for the height difference. She wanted to be model and was taking classes at the same campus Marinette was taking her design courses. They’ve even teamed up together for a final project about a year ago, Marinette designed the outfit, and Claire modeled it.</p><p>Chanel was basically Claire’s sister but brunette and tan. She had the same body shape; except she was a little taller than Claire, and her white toothed smile made people think she wanted to be a model as well. But it was quite the opposite for her, she was studying to be a singer/songwriter plus a painter. She was one of the most talented people Marinette has ever met, her great eye for artistry was beyond anything she knew, and her deeply written poems and lyrics were amazing. Her voice was smooth and curvy, and the sound made Marinette think of sunsets and golden skies.</p><p>They were really great friends, their sarcasm a different level when it came to everyone else, and their hilarious conversations gave her the joy she needed even on rainy days. But no matter the bickering, snarky and sometimes sardonic conversations they had, they always gave the best hugs when she needed them.</p><p>These two new friends reminded her of someone she couldn’t place, but knew they were very similar.</p><p>They continued talking as the made their way down the street, weaving in and out of small crowds who gathered on the sidewalk. They all agreed it was a good afternoon for an iced coffee, considering the sun was out, and the day would only get hotter from here.</p><p>Linking together at the elbows, they pulled each other into a little coffee shop, laughing a little at the annoyed glares they were getting from other people.</p><p>“So, what’s this thing I heard about you,” Claire pointed at Marinette, “And that guy you were dming through insta?”</p><p>Marinette cringed as she took her coffee, thanking the people behind the counter before turning back to her friends.</p><p>“There’s nothing to say,” she said, looking down at her drink. “He was a little insistent and creepy about dating me, so I cut him off.”</p><p>“Oh, jeez,” Chanel said, as they all took a seat at a round high table, sipping their iced coffees. “Despite the fact that you never had a boyfriend before, don’t go out with someone when they’re borderline creepy.”</p><p>Marinette gave her a half-lidded look, “I’ve dated before, I’m not a noob.”</p><p>Claire snorted, “Yeah, that one date you went on with—” she suppressed a laugh, “Nicholas from tech support.”</p><p>Marinette cringed again, “God, never again.”</p><p>They all shared another short laugh as they continued to sip on their coffees.</p><p>“But seriously, dude,” Chanel said, flipping a strand of hair off her shoulder. “When are you gonna get back out there?”</p><p>Marinette raised an eyebrow, “<em>Back</em> out there?” she huffed, “I thought you guys were the ones that said I was a noob.”</p><p>“We never said that,” Claire said, turning to her. “We’re just saying… you’re twenty-three, hot, single, financially stable—”</p><p>“I wouldn’t say that—”</p><p>“Whatever stable means for a college student,” Claire continued.</p><p>“So,” Chanel broke in, leaning forward. “I can afford rent next month?”</p><p>Marinette laughed at this, “Exactly.”</p><p>“You guys are missing the point!” Claire said, making both Marinette and Chanel laugh loudly, annoyed costumers rolling their eyes at the three girls.</p><p>“What I’m trying to say is,” Claire said, after Chanel and Marinette calmed down. “I just want you to experience what it’s like falling for someone.”</p><p>Marinette nodded, pressing her lips together. “Except falling means you end up crashing and burning.”</p><p>Chanel leaned forward, “Not if someone’s there to catch you.”</p><p>Marinette rolled her eyes, setting her coffee down on the table and looking at them. “Look, I appreciate you guys trying to gently nudge me into dating, but…” she shrugged, her shoulders suddenly feeling heavy. “I just don’t think I’m girlfriend material right now.”</p><p>Chanel snorted, “Honey, stop looking at this like it’s food you’ve never tried before,” she said. “You’re judging this too quickly when you have never been in a relationship, and who knows?” she said, leaning back and taking a quick sip of her coffee. “Maybe this is exactly what you need right now.”</p><p>“See?” Claire said, drawing her attention to her. “Someone agrees with me.”</p><p>“Okay, okay, calm down you two,” Marinette said, pointing at both of them. “I know how dangerous you guys are when you team up.”</p><p>“Why do you think we’re trying to do now?” Claire asked, grinning.</p><p>Marinette cast annoyed glances at both of them before throwing her hands up.</p><p>“Fine!” she said, pushing herself off her seat and taking her now empty coffee cup in her hands, only filled with brown tinted ice cubes. “Fine, fine, you guys win,” she said, starting to step away, “The next guy I run into, I’ll be sure to get his number or something,” she said sarcastically.</p><p>Well, apparently Marinette could predict the future.</p><p>As soon as she turned around, someone in front of her ran into her, the coffee lid they were holding popping off as she slammed into their chest and sent the cold liquid all of Marinette’s face and shirt.</p><p>For a long moment, Marinette stood there, eyes closed, her hands raised and twitching, and her face scrunched up in annoyance.</p><p>“Oh my God! I’m so sorry!” cried a deep voice.</p><p>Marinette shook her head, reaching up and flicking the coffee from her eye lids, before jerking her arms down, sending little droplets of coffee to the hard wood floor.</p><p>“It’s fine,” she said, keeping her voice level.</p><p>“No, no, I’m sorry, that was my fault, I wasn’t looking where I was going,” he said, assuming this was a male since she couldn’t exactly see anything.</p><p>“Well, you can make it up to me by getting me some napkins,” she said, raising her eyebrows in the direction of the voice.</p><p>“Right, yes, I can do that.” There was some shuffling and the air before her turned cold and she finally used her dry sleeve to wipe the coffee off her eyelids.</p><p>Chanel and Claire appeared at both her sides, “Oh my God, did you<em> see</em> that?!”</p><p>“Not really, since my eyes were closed,” Marinette said, still wiping her eyes from the sticky liquid.</p><p>“No, not that,” Chanel said, shaking her arm with an excited tone. “Do you know <em>who</em> just ran into you?”</p><p>Marinette knitted her eyebrows, “No, who?”</p><p>“Here you go,” said the voice, and she turned around just to have her cheeks explode with color.</p><p>“Sorry again,” said the familiar blond, outstretching napkins to her, a warm smile on his face.</p><p>Marinette subconsciously took the napkins, holding them close to her chest as she stared up at the tall, familiar and very handsome blond who was now scratching the back of his neck with an apologetic look on his face.</p><p>“I really should look where I’m going more often,” he said, looking back at her. “It would really suck if—” he suddenly stopped when he met her wide, blue eyes, his entire body stilling as his face melted from apologetic, to shock.</p><p>“Marinette,” he said, staring at her.</p><p>Chanel gasped next to her, making her flinch and bringing her back to reality.</p><p>“You <em>know</em> her name?” Claire said, her eyes wide with shock.</p><p>He dropped his hand to his side again, just noticing the two girls on either side of Marinette. “Well, yeah,” he said, meeting Marinette’s shy eyes again. “We… we went to high school together.” </p><p>Chanel and Claire both squealed next to her, making her cringe.</p><p>Marinette, having a mental break down inside her head, stared up at him before turning to her friends, trying to keep her voice from screeching like she usually did in this man’s presence.</p><p>“Chanel, Claire, this is—”</p><p>“Adrien Agreste!” Chanel said, prancing on her feet like she was an excited five-year-old girl. She suddenly whirled on Marinette, a look of pure betrayal on her face. “You went to high school with the world’s <em>hottest model </em>and you <em>never told me!</em>”</p><p>“I’ll say,” Claire jumped in, watching the scene play out with a smirk and her arms crossed at her chest.</p><p>Marinette rolled her eyes, “Guys?” she looked at both of them. “Can you give us a moment?”</p><p>Chanel and Claire exchanged knowing glances, before agreeing. They left Marinette alone and stepped outside, looking in through the window as she and the blond in front of her stared at each other again for a long moment.</p><p>“Uh,” Marinette said, breaking the silence. “W-Would you like to sit down?” she asked, gesturing at the table she and the girls were just sitting at.</p><p>He closed his agape mouth, “Sure.”</p><p>They took the seats across from each other as Marinette wiped most of the coffee off her shirt, grimacing at the smell.</p><p>“Sorry about that, again” Adrien said across from her, looking a little awkward. “That was really dumb of me.”</p><p>Marinette looked back up at him, giving him a reassuring smile, “It wasn’t just you; I should’ve been looking where I was going to.”</p><p>Luckily, Marinette was wearing a dark shirt that day, so the staining wouldn’t last, as long as she washed it as soon as she got home. The most she had to worry about was smelling like coffee all the way home. But that wasn’t her concern right now.</p><p>“So,” she began, tossing the used napkins on the table and leaning forward. “Fancy seeing you here.”</p><p>He nodded, “I knew I would run into you sooner or later,” he laughed halfheartedly, “Just didn’t expect it to be that fast, or that literal.”</p><p>Marinette laughed, “Well, here we are, so tell me,” she said, her face growing slightly more serious. “How was the last five years?”</p><p>Adrien shifted, glancing away from her for a second, “Well, they were slow,” he said, dryly laughing. “Slow and long.” He looked around him, “I missed Paris, and my friends.”</p><p>Marinette nodded in understanding, gaining a bitter look on her face. “Then… why’d you stop answering?”</p><p>Adrien grew a saddened look on his face, “It’s not like I didn’t want to talk to you guys… it’s just,” he paused, annoyance in his face. “My aunt and Felix kept me busy to the last minute, my only available time was used to sleep and eat. Not to mention school and modeling, and… everything else going on.”</p><p>Marinette nodded again, “I understand, but you could’ve told us.”</p><p>Adrien looked up at her, “I know, and I’m sorry, but I also think I needed to get away from… all this.” He gestured around him, “Being reminded of what happened five years ago was just not helping me move on, and… well, I just kind of fell out of touch.”</p><p>“How’re you doing?” Marinette asked, approaching the matter with a softer tone. “Are you okay?”</p><p>There was a long pause where Adrien just stared at her, his eyes taking on an unreadable look that seemed to be hiding a lot of different emotions. None of them, from what she could see, were about his father, but at the same time, it’s been five years, he might’ve changed.</p><p>He finally broke the gaze by looking down again, “Yeah, I’m doing better… I’ve moved on it that’s what you mean,” he said, looking back up at her.</p><p>She nodded, pressing her lips together. She wasn’t good at comforting people, at least, not like she used to. It used to come so easy to her, used to be so easy to listen to other people, to hear what they are trying to say. She used to be able to catch onto signs, like if someone was crying out for help, she would hear it. It used to be so easy.</p><p>But then again, she has changed a lot as well.</p><p>“How bout you?” he asked, checking her over with a look of concern in his eyes. “How’re you?”</p><p>She transitioned into mechanical mode. Smiling wide and waving her hands in front of her like there was nothing going behind the curtain, that the real show was all set out before the audience. When really, all the drama was backstage.</p><p>“I’m doing good,” she said, smiling and lightening the mood. “I’m in Fashion School right now, so time is always in a crunch,” she laughed dryly. “But I like it, it’s fun and it’s what I love to do. I’m also a gofer for this really popular fashion designer just down the street. She’s this really sweet older lady that’s super nice to me, and we like to have lunch together sometimes.” She gestured out the window, “Those two girls that were with me, Chanel and Claire, they’re my best friends. We do everything together, like,” she glanced down at his half empty cup, “Getting coffee.”</p><p>Adrien smiled, “Unless some doofus runs into you and spills it all over your shirt.”</p><p>Marinette laughed, “Well, lucky for that doofus, he’s an old friend, so I won’t kick him to the curb this time.”</p><p>“This time?” Adrien said, laughing. “So, next time I spill coffee on you, you’re going to kick me to curb?”</p><p>She grinned, “It’s a matter of when and how.”</p><p>They both laughed at that, breaking the tension that was there before. This was easier, and look at that, Marinette is actually talking to him without stuttering over her words for once. Well, considering she got over him <em>years </em>ago, no wonder she wasn’t stumbling all over her own words, or her feet.</p><p>“So, I assume you’re still in the modeling business?” Marinette asked, once her laughing fit had ceased.</p><p>Adrien nodded, raking a hand through his perfect hair. “Yeah, I actually came back to Paris for official business reasons, but it was a really good excuse to come back and see my best buds.” He paused, looking around with a questioning look in his eyes. “Speaking of them, where’s Alya and Nino? I thought you always liked getting coffee with Alya.”</p><p>Marinette deflated a little, remembering why exactly they weren’t here. “Oh…” she said, her tone making Adrien watch her questioningly. “Well, I haven’t really talked to Alya in years.”</p><p>Adrien blanched, “What?” he leaned forward, “What happened?”</p><p>Marinette hesitated, “Well… the group kinda fell apart, Adrien,” she said, dropping her shoulders. “After you left and we graduated, we went our separate ways and well…” she shrugged, “Alya and I aren’t really on the best of terms.”</p><p>“Why?” He asked, “You two were basically inseparable back at Dupont.”</p><p>She snorted, “Huh, well, people change,” she said, glancing away.</p><p>Adrien nodded, “I’m sorry,” he said, looking guilty.</p><p>Marinette shook her head, looking back at him. “It’s not your fault, Adrien, it was just a bunch of…” she trailed off, images flashing before her eyes, consuming her again like it had in the classroom, but she fought against them, shaking her head violently. Luckily, Adrien hadn’t noticed. “It was just a bunch of girl drama, nothing you could’ve solved.”</p><p>He looked back up at her, “Well, do you know if they’re still dating?”</p><p>She shrugged, “Like I said, I haven’t talked to them in years. I don’t know.”</p><p>Adrien looked down, guilt trickling into his eyes again and Marinette reached out to touch his arm, reassuring him. “It’s not your fault, Adrien, friend groups fall apart all the time.”</p><p>He sighed, “I know,” he said, but he didn’t look convinced. “It’s just… when I came back, I didn’t expect to find out it was this bad.”</p><p><em>You have no idea</em>, Marinette thought, but she didn’t say that.</p><p>“Yeah, well,” she said, shifting. “Things change, we’ve changed.” She shrugged, “There’s nothing we could’ve done about it… I tried but…” she looked away, “I was dealing with my own stuff at the time, and I didn’t have the right… mindset to fix anything.”</p><p>Adrien looked up at her then, a worried expression on his face that said he knew more than she thought. Knew more than he was saying out loud. He didn’t comment on it.</p><p>Marinette pressed her lips together, “Uh… Alya has a job at <em>Paris Today, </em>she’s one of their top reporters and a very famous one at that to.” She smiled, “I sometimes read articles that are written by her and they are just amazing. She can even make documentaries about spiders sound interesting.” She cringed, shivering a bit, “Although, I wouldn’t watch a spider documentary period.”</p><p>Adrien smiled at that, “Me neither, honestly.”</p><p>She nodded, before continuing. “The last I talked with Nino he was interning at this record label, but I think he actually owns the place now since he released his first album two years ago. He got so much money from his own record and, well, Alya wrote all about it in <em>Paris Today.</em>” She thought a long moment, “I think the place is called… Star Record Labels,” she said, finished with a warm smile.</p><p>“You can swing by their workplaces if you want, and since you’re a big businessman yourself, they should let you in,” she said, resting her hands in her lap.</p><p>Adrien smiled at her, “Thanks Mari.”</p><p>Marinette resisted the urge to blush at the age-old nickname, reminding herself that she’s over him.</p><p>“No problem,” she said.</p><p>Adrien grew a new glint of interest in his eyes, looking up at her expectantly. “Speaking of Alya… how’s that Ladyblog of hers going?”</p><p>Marinette scoffed, “The Ladyblog?” she asked incredulously, not taking him seriously. But when his eyes squinted in confusion, she realized he was being serious. “Oh, well, not to be insensitive, but… everyone thinks the Ladyblog is a joke now.”</p><p>Adrien’s eyes widened, “The Ladyblog? A joke?” he shook his head, leaning back in disbelief, “You can’t be serious.”</p><p>She shrugged, feeling a little disappointed herself. “Well, it’s kind of pointless now. There’s nothing to post on it anymore. It’s just floating there on the internet with barely any subscribers, if any.”</p><p>“But why?” Adrien asked, his disbelief continuing. “Isn’t Ladybug around anymore?”</p><p>Marinette stared at him, pressing her lips together. “No, Adrien,” she said, her voice matter of fact. “Ladybug hasn’t been seen in years.”</p><p>.             .             .</p><p>“My God,” Nino said, shaking his head from his office chair, a grin slowly making its way to his face as the double doors to his office opened. “Tell me that’s not Adrien Agreste.”</p><p>Adrien grinned at him, “The one and only.”</p><p>Nino grinned and got up from his seat, meeting Adrien on the other side of his desk and bringing him in for a bone crushing hug, both of them laughing loudly. Nino leaned back and patted his friend’s cheek in a sign of bromance, making Adrien push him away lightly, grins on their faces.</p><p>“So,” Adrien said, sitting down on the couch in the center of his office while Nino poured too small glasses of scotch. “I see you’re living the dream,” he said, looking around the office.</p><p>Nino laughed, “Didn’t think I could make it this far, Agreste?” he said, reaching out to him with the glass in his hand.</p><p>Adrien took the glass, “Further, actually.”</p><p>Nino rolled his eyes before sitting across from him on the other couch, a glass coffee table between them, the couches grey and smooth.</p><p>“How’ve you been?” Nino asked, taking a short sip of his drink before setting it on the table.</p><p>Adrien, not much in a drinking mood, set his glass on the table before answering. “I’m alright, considering.”</p><p>Nino nodded, “That’s good,” she said, his eyes becoming slightly guilty. “Sorry we fell out of contact, by the way.”</p><p>Adrien waved him off, “That’s not on you, that’s on me,” he said, gesturing to himself. “That was my fault. I just…” He shook his head, repeating what he said to Marinette earlier, “I think I needed to get away from it all, so I can focus on moving on.”</p><p>Nino nodded, “That makes sense.” He picked his glass up again, taking another small drink and swallowing it sourly. “I would’ve done the same thing probably.”</p><p>“How’re you and Alya?” he asked, trying to change the subject.</p><p>Nino smiled, “Still going strong. We have a place together just down the block from here.” He swirled his drink in his glass, smiling silly to himself and Adrien smiled at the sight. His best friend is in love.</p><p>“She’s this kickass reporter up at <em>Paris Today,</em>” he continued, pride in his voice. “Everyone in the city knows who she is—one of the best reporters in years.”</p><p>Adrien grinned, “That sounds like her,” he said, “Marinette told me all about it.”</p><p>Nino’s eyebrows rose in interest. “You and Marinette still talk?”</p><p>Adrien deflated a little bit, reminded that the group fell apart after he left. “Well, no, we didn’t talk further after I stopped responding,” he said, guilt in his voice. “I just ran into her at the café by her campus.”</p><p>Nino nodded, “Really? What’s she doing now?”</p><p>“She’s in Fashion School right now, and she has this job as a gofer for this really popular fashion designer near the college she goes to,” he said, smiling to himself, “She’s starting to make a name for herself, even if she’s just delivering coffee and croissants.”</p><p>Nino laughed, “That girl has always been a fighter when it comes to what she wants.”</p><p>Adrien nodded, agreeing. He thought of his friend in a certain red and black suit, jumping across the rooftops and headfirst into danger. How in days of old she was fearless, and it seemed at least that hasn’t changed.</p><p>At least, he hoped.</p><p>“How’s she doing, by the way?” Nino asked, his tone changing to concern. “Marinette?”</p><p>Adrien gave him a confused look, “What do you mean?”</p><p>Nino glanced away, shifting uncomfortably in his seat like he had ants in his pants. His expression said too many things at once, like he wanted to say something but at the same time was afraid to.</p><p>“Well…” he started, which wasn’t a good start with his worried tone of voice. “After you left, Marinette… changed.”</p><p>Adrien felt his heart crunch a little, getting a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach. “What do you mean she changed?”</p><p>Nino hesitated, “Well, for one, she and Alya had a huge falling out,” He shook his head, “They haven’t talked since that day of the fight, and that was like, five years ago.”</p><p>Adrien leaned back, his eyebrows knitted together, “Do you know why?”</p><p>Nino shrugged, “I think it had something to do with the whole Lila incident.”</p><p>Adrien nodded, remembering Ladybug talking to Chat Noir all those years back about a girl manipulating the truth in front of everyone, making all Marinette’s friends turn on her for hitting someone as “innocent” and “sweet” as Lila was. The very thought made his blood boil in annoyance.</p><p>“Marinette said something about that,” Adrien said, the anger in his voice evident. “Do you know what happened between them?”</p><p>Nino shrugged again, “I don’t, Alya refuses to talk about it, and Marinette won’t talk to me either.” He shook his head, his demeanor showing guilt, “I was one of the people that thought Marinette had just hit Lila just to hit her, but I should’ve known better.” He shook his head, glancing around the room, “Marinette was one of my oldest friends, I knew her better than I knew Alya at the time, and yet I still turned my back on her.”</p><p>Adrien nodded, deciding not the argue. Because, it was a little true, but he was still Adrien’s best friend and he couldn’t let Nino take all the blame. He may have been part of it, but it wasn’t all his fault, considering Lila was part of the picture.</p><p>“It’s not all your fault, Nino,” Adrien said, trying to reassure him. “Lila caused it and she deceived you. She made that lie perfect, and with all the emotions going around the city at the time, everyone was a little messed up then. We were all confused and angry, I certainly was,” he said, gesturing at himself. “It’s in Lila’s nature to take advantage of people’s emotions like that and cause chaos, and I don’t blame you for taking her side on it. Marinette had hit her, but it was because Lila was antagonizing her to do it after she had a pretty… hard day.”</p><p>Nino nodded, taking a long moment to process the words and let them filter into his brain. His eyes relaxed and his shoulders untensed as he looked back up at Adrien with a relieved look.</p><p>“Thanks, dude,” he said, smiling at his friend.</p><p>Adrien nodded, “Of course.” He leaned forward again, taking a new topic he was still curious about, since Marinette didn’t give him enough information about it.</p><p>“So, what’s the deal with the Ladyblog?” he asked, “Marinette told me nothing happens on it anymore.”</p><p>Nino nodded, “Well, she’s not wrong,” he said, laughing a little. “Alya doesn’t post on it as far as I know. Besides, it’s a little pointless without Ladybug or Chat Noir.”</p><p>Adrien grew a sinking feeling in his chest, “Marinette told me Ladybug hasn’t been seen in years.” He paused when Nino nodded. “Does anyone know what happened to them?”</p><p>Nino sighed, sounding disappointed as well. “Well, Ladybug stuck around for a few months after Hawkmoth’s defeat, you know, fighting every night crime and such. But no one found Chat Noir or even saw him with her or around the city, ever.” He shrugged, “My theory is Ladybug felt lonely, or dare I say, abandoned when her partner went MIA.” He sighed again, a shadow falling over his face, “After a while, she just… stopped showing up.”</p><p>Adrien looked down, a heavy feeling building in his chest. He hoped that wasn’t the case. It’s not like he wanted to leave her, he was basically forced to. His aunt didn’t let him out of sight, and the situation made him almost miss how strict his father was. At least he was allowed <em>some</em> amount of freedom. Responsibilities were thrust upon him, and he had to fight tooth and nail through all the work just to keep his head afloat.</p><p>“Well that’s…” he swallowed his emotions, threatening to spill over. “Sad.”</p><p>Nino nodded, “The patrolling wasn’t doing her any good, anyway,” he said, his tone of voice darkening slightly. “She looked sad and depressed, like something changed overnight that made her upset.”</p><p>“Maybe something had,” he said out loud and cringed immediately.</p><p>Nino didn’t respond to it, and after that they fell into a less heavy conversation, talking mostly about their jobs since that was the only thing that wasn’t as heavy as the things Adrien wanted to talk about.</p><p>After a long conversation, Adrien finally decided it was time to leave. They both exchanged new numbers so they could hang out and talk later, and then he left, feeling more uneasy than he had in a while.</p><p>.             .             .</p><p>The steam of the hot tea rose from the mug and up into her nostrils, filling her senses with the scent of lavender. She’s read everywhere that lavender was the herb to go to for anxiety, that it was a calming scent and it helped put people to sleep.</p><p>Well, Marinette must be used to lavender, or as nocturnal as a cat.</p><p>Her attempt at sleep had been in vain, when her heartbeat was already beating out of her chest and her brain was already going a thousand miles per hour. With her friends chatting it up with her over the phone, keeping her up until eleven before finally shutting it off, and then her thoughts sent her climbing down to the kitchen. She stuffed some homemade bread in her mouth and made a quick cup of tea, before climbing back up to her room and out the sky light, where she sat on her balcony with a blanket pulled up to her chin in her lawn chair.</p><p>She had an apartment; it actually wasn’t that far from her parent’s bakery. It was close enough to campus to walk from and close enough to her parent’s bakery she could take a short taxi or bus ride. She both liked and hated it, because now her parents just dropped in on her occasionally. Don’t get her wrong, she loves her parents and knows they’re only trying to make sure she was okay.</p><p>But there was a difference between wanting to be alone and “wanting” to be alone, and her parents could usually tell which one was which.</p><p>Which is why she was staying with her parents for a few nights, since she was feeling a little more off than usual, and that’s never a good sign considering past events. Plus, they noticed her being a little more distant than usual, spacey and moody, so they asked her to come stay with them for a few nights. And honestly, being back in her own room gave her some sense of security she didn’t realize she was looking for until she stepped into it.</p><p>Some things don’t change.</p><p>However, somethings did. Like how Marinette used to be so trustworthy that her parents could leave her alone in the bakery to handle the register and smile at customers.</p><p>But now… sometimes it was dangerous to leave Marinette alone period.</p><p>“You okay?”</p><p>Marinette looked down at Tikki, who was sitting on one of her knees eating a macaroon. She had a worried look in her eyes, one that made her smile at her little companion.</p><p>“I’m fine,” she said, which was half the truth.</p><p>Tikki hesitated before continuing, “Maybe you should go out tonight,” she suggested gently. “Patrol a little? That always made you feel better.”</p><p>Marinette looked down at her tea, her eyes soft. “I haven’t done that in four years, Tikki,” she said, sighing and looking over the dark streets of Paris. “There’s no point in it now anyway.”</p><p>Tikki turned more to her, a sadness in her eyes. “There is if it makes you feel better.”</p><p>Marinette smiled wistfully, her eyes still on the dark city of lights. “It wasn’t the patrolling that made me feel better,” she said, looking back down at her tea. “It was who,” she said, sighing sadly. “And I am one hundred percent sure he isn’t out tonight.”</p><p>Tikki opened her mouth, about to say something when someone knocked on her skylight window, making her turn her head to the entrance as Tikki hid behind her.</p><p>Sabine popped out, looking at Marinette with a shielded look of relief. “You shouldn’t be up here honey,” she said gently, climbing up onto the balcony to sit on the other lawn chain. “It’s starting to get cold out.”</p><p>Marinette tried not to be frustrated, she really did, but she rolled her eyes anyway, the insensitive words rolling off her tongue like it was nothing.</p><p>“It’s fine,” she said, annoyance in her tone. “It’s not like I’m gonna jump off the building.”</p><p>She regretted the words as soon as they came out of her mouth and she jerked her head to her mother, who sat there with pursed lips and a pained look in her eyes.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” Marinette said, pain in her voice. “That was a dumb thing to say.”</p><p>Sabine shook her head, “It’s okay sweetie.” She reached out and took Marinette’s hand, making her soften at the contact. “I know it’s just your mood swings.”</p><p>Marinette gave her a look, “But it’s still not an excuse to say something that insensitive,” she said, squeezing her mother’s hand. “I really am sorry, mama.”</p><p>Sabine smiled sweetly, “I know, honey.”</p><p>Marinette hesitantly pulled back from her mother’s touch, her skin itching a little bit. She reached up with her other hand and started tapping her hand under her collar bone again, the action calming her a little bit.</p><p>It was a coping mechanism she created. She realized when she was feeling off or panicky, she would tap her collar bone lightly, and it usually worked. Sometimes it didn’t, but those were only the really bad days.</p><p>She also didn’t like to be touched all the time, which is a little dumb to her, but she still tells people straight forward when she doesn’t want to be touched. She doesn’t know why, but sometimes when she feels annoyed or panicky even, she doesn’t want anyone to touch her. She doesn’t understand it one bit, but the very thought of someone touching her while she’s in the middle of “struggling,” it makes her want to throw up.</p><p>“Are you doing okay?” Sabine asked, breaking Marinette from her thoughts.</p><p>
  <em>Exactly how many people have asked her that today? </em>
</p><p>“I’m fine,” she said, shrugging. “Could be better, but fine.” That seemed like a reasonable answer, something someone won’t question.</p><p>Unless that person is her mother.</p><p>“Honey,” she said, leaning forward. “I can tell when something is bothering you.”</p><p>Marinette sighed, choosing not to answer. Sometimes when she didn’t answer people would usually change the subject, but not her mother. She was one of those people that prodded her.</p><p>“Marinette,” she said, gentler this time. “If you’re feeling panicky—”</p><p>“You know what my ‘panicky’ looks like,” she said, keeping her voice calm. “I’m not panicking mom, I’m fine, I just…” she trailed off, taking a deep breath to calm her rising nerves. She can’t get riled up, because if she did, she might have a panic attack. “I needed some fresh air,” she finished, looking back over the city.</p><p>Sabine nodded, “But you’re not pushing people away again, are you?”</p><p>
  <em>I’ve been doing that for years. </em>
</p><p>“No,” she answered, looking back at her mom. “No, I’m okay. I promise.”</p><p>The reason she was lying? She missed her partner, and she can’t exactly tell her mother that considering she’s Ladybug. Or used to be, anyway.</p><p>Pushing people away was easier than telling the truth.</p><p>And sometimes the truth can hurt more than lying, and she hated how true that was.</p><p>Sabine nodded, “Okay, honey, but—” she stopped, reaching out and taking her hand again, squeezing it once before letting it go. “Don’t be afraid to talk to us, okay? We’re your parents, not strangers.”</p><p>Marinette met her eyes for the briefest moments, before turning her gaze away afraid she might pick up on her sadness and prod her more.</p><p>“I know,” she said quietly, and that ended the conversation.</p><p>When Sabine was gone and the skylight had fully shut, Tikki flew back up to Marinette, her concern in her eyes more intense than before.</p><p>“I know when your lying Marinette,” she said, her voice shaking with worry. “You’re pushing people away again, and you can’t do that. For your safety—”</p><p>“Tikki, calm down,” Marinette said, reaching out and waiting as the kwami floated into her hands. “For real, I’m okay.”</p><p>“Then tell me the truth,” Tikki said, her eyes demanding. “Why are you upset, really?”</p><p>Marinette paused for a long moment, staring down at the one being she can be completely honest with, the one being she shouldn’t be pushing away because she is the last person to judge her.</p><p>She sighed, relenting as she leaned back against the chair again. “I just…” she trailed off, forcing the already rising tears in her eyes down, not wanting them to fall. “I just… miss him.”</p><p>Tikki watched her, eyes soft as she studied her chosen. “Chat Noir?”</p><p>Marinette nodded, “I know it’s a little stupid for me to miss him when all I’ve done is rant, and say awful things about him, but that’s only because he… he put this thing in me—”</p><p>“Marinette,” Tikki said gently, floating up and gently kissing her nose. “He didn’t mean to.”</p><p>She stared at this kwami, “But you said you warned him not to, about this darkness—”</p><p>“Yes,” Tikki interrupted, “Yes, I warned him, and he did hesitate at first…” she looked away, pain in her tiny adorable eyes. “You should’ve seen the way he looked at you… he was so sad, and-and, there’s just no words to describe the way he looked that day, except for maybe that he was in unbearable pain.”</p><p>“But he… he brought me back…”</p><p>“Exactly,” Tikki said, looking back at her. “I was upset with him to, don’t get me wrong. But… now that I think about it, it was a lot more than guilt he felt.” She gave Marinette a sad look, “He <em>needed </em>you to come back, not out of guilt, but out of love.”</p><p>Marinette remembered the night she found out, how hurt she was that he would do such a thing to her, how upset and angry and livid she was at him. He brought her back, traded her life for Hawkmoth’s and put this dark entity inside her that she has had to live with for <em>five whole years</em>.</p><p>The worst part about it was probably the flashbacks. She calls them “episodes,” because they were like a horror movie playing in her mind. She can’t control them, like a movie screen playing a life before this one. They sometimes popped into her head, showing images of anything that was traumatizing or terrifying. Like a battle with an akumatised victim that left her rattled, or a drama related scene.</p><p>She could sometimes suppress them, like she did a few times today, but sometimes the scenes are too much, and she gets trapped and locked inside her own mind. She was lucky she wasn’t playing hero anymore or else she might end up freezing in the middle of a battle and getting herself killed.</p><p>They’re always terrifying, and once she comes out of them, she completely breaks down, hating that she had to live through those nightmarish scenes over and over again. Like once wasn’t enough.</p><p>Chat Noir made some shitty mistakes, but like she said the night she found out, she still needed him, and now she’s realizing just how bad she really does need him.</p><p>She felt incomplete, jumpy and unbalanced, like one tilt of the scale and she’ll tip over the side and end up burning up as she fell, before she finally hit the ground in a terrible, blinding death.</p><p>She needed her other half back, and it hurt so much sometimes that she couldn’t stop the waves of pain echoing around the walls of her heart, making her feel like she was dying all over again.</p><p>Heartbroken.</p><p>That’s one word to describe it.</p><p>Something crashing, but not in her thoughts this time. She jumped from her spot, clambering off the lawn chair until she was at the railing, leaning over and looking in the distance. There was another, louder crash and she jerked her head to the right, just as something large and orange rounded the corner of the bakery and she ducked down, covering her mouth with one of her hands.</p><p>“<em>Sentimonster,</em>” Marinette mouthed to Tikki, who flew closer to her to whisper in her ear.</p><p>“You don’t have a choice, Marinette,” she said, her eyes wide and eager. “You have to stop it. You have to transform.”</p><p>She knew her companion was right, but she knew she couldn’t do this alone, especially running into battle with a potential flashback on her tail. She can’t risk it.</p><p>But then again… she would be risking Parisian lives as well if she let it go.</p><p>And, no matter her past or her condition, she still had access to her powers.</p><p>She needed to do this.</p><p>“Okay,” she said, standing back up and bouncing on the balls of her feet nervously. “Okay. Okay, I can do this.”</p><p>She steeled herself, breathing deeply, making sure her heartbeat was steady, her breathing even and her head was vertical. She wanted to be fully prepared for anything.</p><p>Huh, that’s ironic.</p><p>“Tikki,” she said, looking at her companion. “Spots on.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thanks for reading ya'll!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Return</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>An old friend comes back :)</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Enjoy! :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chapter 4: Return</p>
<p> </p>
<p>This was about the last thing that Marinette thought would happen tonight. Chasing down a relatively fast, orange sentimonster that barreled through the streets like a bulldozer on steroids. She could hear it, but she never seemed to catch sight of it without it immediately disappearing from view just as quickly.</p>
<p>Ladybug landed on the edge of a rooftop, standing with the wind blowing through her long, loose hair since she never put it up earlier. She didn’t have time to admire it earlier, but her suit was different, and by the way it fit and made her feel extra protected, she liked it.</p>
<p>She’s forgotten what it’s like to jump across the city at night, what it was like to feel the cold wind tearing across your cheeks. How she felt when she would jump off a building just to reach with her yo-yo and swing in an arch down various streets. How her body seemed to move like water, light as a feather as her agility increased ten-fold, flowing through the air with the grace of an angel.</p>
<p>It was exhilarating, and for a moment, Ladybug forgot why she quit in the first place.</p>
<p>Something crashed in the distance, and Ladybug jerked her head towards it, squinting her eyes down the street.</p>
<p>A light pole fell over and sparks flew from its head onto the street. A car off to the side of the road suddenly shifted and jumped onto the curb, its alarms blaring in the darkened streets.</p>
<p>The air just ahead by the corner of the building the car was parked in front of, the air shimmered, and something large and orange passed the corner, going down a new street and out of sight.</p>
<p>“It’s invisible,” Ladybug noted to herself, clenching her fists. She huffed as she brought out her yo-yo next to her, spinning it as she got ready to through it. “How am I supposed to fight something invisible?”</p>
<p>She threw her yo-yo, and it wrapped around a fire escape as she jumped off the building, repeating the retract, reel back and release technique. She flew top speed through the streets, catching a constant orange shimmering in the air as she passed a random road.</p>
<p>It was almost nauseating, the number of times she had to whiplash herself into changing directions, constantly jumping and swinging across rooftops.</p>
<p>She suddenly stopped, resting her hands on her knees and huffing, trying to catch her breath. Her heartbeat pounded in her chest, her sides hurting from the constant rattling of her ribs.</p>
<p>It’s been five years since she’s done this, give her a break!</p>
<p>She looked up, finally managing to catch her breath as she straightened, looking around curiously. The air was still around her; the shimmering had ceased, and all was quiet.</p>
<p>She turned in a slow circle, her nerves rising from how quiet and still the rooftop was around her. She couldn’t shake it, a sense of anxiety filling her chest that had nothing to do with her own nervous thoughts, rather the unsettling scene that wasn’t a scene yet.</p>
<p>But she could feel that it was about to become exactly that.</p>
<p>Right on cue, her nerves jumped, and she rolled to the side, just as the cement of the building’s rooftop was smashed where she used to be. Debris flew everywhere, cement and rocks flying as far as a few feet, to a few hundred. Ladybug had to dodge a lot of the larger pieces, jumping and weaving in and out of them.</p>
<p>Ladybug came up on one knee, and she slowly looked up as her fear rose quickly in her chest.</p>
<p>It was <em>huge. </em></p>
<p>She dive rolled out of the way, coming up and jumping under its arm and down about three stories to the street, rolling again and turning back to the sentimonster.</p>
<p>It was orange, now that she could properly see it, with a large monstrous face that was unmoving despite all the chaos it was causing. Its figure was maybe about five stories tall, towering over the nearby buildings as it stomped towards Ladybug with an angry sneer on its face.</p>
<p>Sentimonsters, the less complex ones, usually couldn’t talk, but this one didn’t need to since its face basically screamed <em>DIE. </em></p>
<p>It had orange skin with fur on its wrists, neck, ankles and torso, like a fur jacket. It seemed to represent what looked like a lion, a large, orange and very angry lion that sometimes turned invisible.</p>
<p>It suddenly leaned back and opened its mouth, throwing its head back with a loud roar echoing out of its throat. The ground underneath Ladybug’s feet rumbled, and she looked up nervously at the sentimonster, spinning her yo-yo next to her.</p>
<p>More than anything, she wished Chat Noir was here.</p>
<p>“Nice kitty,” she said, as it slowly neared her. She backed up nervously, feeling her heart pound in her chest. “We can play nice, right?” she asked it.</p>
<p>The lion sneered, its lips curling as it licked its lips, making a loud, disgusting slurping sound as it closed in on her. She looked up at the monster, and noticed a chain around its neck, where a piece of paper was tucked into it and stuck.</p>
<p><em>That must be where the amok is, </em>she thought, wondering how on earth she was going to get to it.</p>
<p>She looked around her, looking for any possible ways she could get onto it. The lion senti seemed relatively tamed, as it slowly approached her, continuing its pursuit even as she backed up slowly, not taking her eyes off it. But that was when she realized that lions are cats, and therefore cats pounce on their prey. And with the way things were looking, she was about to become the next meal.</p>
<p>Ladybug cursed, and she looked around her, looking for ideas.</p>
<p>A large, stable chimney caught her eye and she looked up, and right next to the sentimonster’s left shoulder, was the chimney. She looked back up at the senti, watching its left hand carefully, and years of doing this suddenly rushed back to her as a plan slowly flooded her mind.</p>
<p>She smirked and looked back into the lions ugly face.</p>
<p>Chat Noir would usually be tasked with this job, since he was better at it than she was, and her sarcasm only went so far. But with limited resources and with a ready lion about to pounce on her, she had to resort to desperate measures.</p>
<p>Which meant antagonizing the senti, which will be <em>so much fun. </em></p>
<p>She grimaced, already hating this stupid plan.</p>
<p>“Here, kitty, kitty, kitty,” she said, still backing up. “Come and get your dinner.”</p>
<p>The lion growled, still inching forward. So, words <em>did</em> affect it.</p>
<p>“Aw, c’mon,” Ladybug said, smirking at it with a cocky grin. “Don’t you just want to sink your claws into me?” She straightened and stopped, deciding to up her attitude towards this very aggressive creature that was not doing what she needed it to do. “I promise you; you’ll get super<em> lucky</em>.”</p>
<p>The lion roared, angry and that was all Ladybug needed.</p>
<p>She waited for the perfect moment, watching as the lion reeled back, its left paw raised in the air before it dropped to the ground hard, smashing the cement to pieces.</p>
<p>Ladybug jumped up onto its leg, throwing her yo-yo at the chimney, and it wrapped around it. The lion, obviously not pleased by this, tried shaking her off, but she only stood her ground, trying not to fall off. Finally, with a frustrated growl, the lion did what she wanted it to do, and reeled back with its other paw and brought it down hard.</p>
<p>Ladybug jumped further up its leg at the last second, and the poor lion slammed its right paw on top of its left one, making her cry out in pain and jerk her leg up. The leg created the momentum she needed, and she was launched high into the air above the sentimonster. When she was high enough, she yanked back on her yo-yo, pulling her back on top of the senti and she landed on its back.</p>
<p>She wrapped her yo-yo around the senti’s neck, and she yanked back hard, her super strength making the lion stumble backwards a bit.</p>
<p>When she felt it lose its balance enough for her to continue with her plan, she reached forward and tried to grab the piece of paper between the chain and its neck. She stretched and strained hard, trying to get to it, but her arms were too short, and she couldn’t move or else she would fall over.</p>
<p>“C’mon, c’mon,” she said, still reaching.</p>
<p>The lion suddenly jerk, and she was forced to focus all her energy in keeping her feet planted as the lion fought back on her, trying to shake her off. The lion regained its footing and it bucked, making Ladybug fly forward with a yelp in surprise. She swung over the lions head, and without fully registering what was going on, the lion swung its paw violently at her, and her yo-yo slipped loose as she flew backwards at high speeds, heading for whatever wall she would slam into—</p>
<p>
  <em>SLAM!</em>
</p>
<p>Something, much softer than a wall crashed into her, and she went spinning out. Her body flailed through the air in nauseating circles until she finally hit the ground hard, rolling a few times before coming to a complete stop on her back.</p>
<p>Ladybug groaned, reaching up to touch her face when she felt something warm and fluid on her face. She pulled her hand back, forcing her eyes open to stare up at the small amount of blood on her fingertips. A pounding headache erupted from her head and she groaned again, covering her eyes with the palm of her hand.</p>
<p>She tried to move her other hand but yelped in pain when she realized she landed on it, and it twisted painfully behind her back.</p>
<p>“Ladybug!” someone called, the voice deep and familiar. “<em>Shit, </em>Ladybug! Are you okay? Can you hear me?”</p>
<p>She opened her eyes only a sliver, the dark night helping her eyes adjust with the roaring headache between her eyes. She forced her eyes to open more, and found a blurry black figure hovering over her, unable to make out who exactly it was.</p>
<p>When her vision cleared, she looked back up at the figure, a pair of green eyes coming into view and locking with hers, and she stilled. It took her a few moments to register just <em>who </em>was above her, her brain slowly catching up with her eyes. But when she finally did recognize the worried lip, the black mask and the piercing green eyes, her mind clicked.</p>
<p>Her eyes widened and she shrieked, pushing him off her and scouting back in fear, her heart tightening painfully in her chest as she stared at the figure before her. She scooted backward until her back hit the side of a car, and she sat frozen with fear as she stared at the black dressed superhero before her.</p>
<p><em>No, no, no, no, </em>she thought, shaking her head at him. <em>I can’t have an episode now! I have a monster to catch that will hurt someone! </em></p>
<p>Chat Noir stared at her with a mix of confusion and worry on his face, sitting on his butt since she pushed him off her a few moments before, staring at her in shock.</p>
<p>“Ladybug?” he called; his voice so very real. “What’s wrong?”</p>
<p>Ladybug’s breathing was heavy as she lifted her index finger at him, pointing at him with a warning look in her eyes. “You’re not real,” she said, her voice low.</p>
<p>Chat knitted his eyebrows in confusion, “Not real?”</p>
<p>“No,” she said, holding the sides of her head in her hands as she leaned forward, trying to curl in on herself. “No, this isn’t real, I-I’m having another episode.”</p>
<p>“<em>An episode?</em>” Chat asked, his voice laced in more worry this time. “Ladybug, what’s going on?” he asked as he slowly got to his feet, cautiously approaching her.</p>
<p>Ladybug sensed this and stood up abruptly, stepping to the side and away from him, one hand outstretched in front of her to stop him from coming closer.</p>
<p>“Stay back,” she said, taking more steps backwards as Chat tried approaching her, but stopped when he saw the panic in her eyes. “You’re not real. This is my mind playing tricks on me.”</p>
<p>Chat raised his hands in front of him, planting his feet below him so Ladybug wouldn’t move backwards anymore. She stopped when he stopped, but her guard was still up, and she refused to let him come any closer.</p>
<p>“I’m real, Ladybug,” he said, his voice soothing and almost making her drop her guard. “You’re okay, see?” He smiled at her, gesturing at himself and reaching out to her with one hand, still not moving forward. “It’s just me,” he waved her forward, “C’mere so I can see you.”</p>
<p>She sobbed, still not dropping her guard. This was a nasty trick her brain decided to play on her this time, right in the middle of battle, and Chat Noir of all things. The one person she could lower her guard for, the one person she trusted more than anyone, and he was saying such sweet things to her. She wanted it to be real, she so desperately wanted it to be real, wanted to see him, feel him as he wrapped his protective arms around her.</p>
<p>It was such a painful and excruciating need that she almost gave in, almost ran forward and let herself get lost in the hallucination, let herself be happy if not for two seconds.</p>
<p>But she knew, as soon as she gave in, the moon would darken, his eyes would become haunted, and he would change into the monster her brain convinced her he was, when he wasn’t that at all. Convinced her that he would tear off his skin and reveal the masked villain she fought for years, the masked villain that killed her.</p>
<p>No matter how strong the pull, she can’t give in, because once she would give in, she would fall into an abyss she doesn’t believe she would get out of.</p>
<p>And she can’t risk that.</p>
<p>“Ladybug,” Chat Noir said gently, taking a single step forward with his arms still outstretched to her. “Hey, you’re okay.”</p>
<p>“No!” She screeched, holding her throbbing head in her hands again as she struggled to regain her grasp on reality. “No! You’re not—you can’t be!” She cried, sobbing again and scrunching her eyes closed tightly. “I’m hallucinating! <em>This isn’t real!</em>”</p>
<p>
  <em>This can’t be happening now! I need to get back out there, to save Paris. Chat Noir isn’t here, no matter how much you want him to be, he isn’t. Get that through your stupid head, Marinette! Get over him! </em>
</p>
<p>“Hey,” his voice was closer, so gentle and right in front of her. “Hey, I’m here. You’re okay.”</p>
<p>She sobbed, not fighting as hard anymore as she felt his hands take her wrists delicately, her nails digging into her scalp painfully. He gently tugged them away from her head and leaned down, trying to catch her gaze, but her eyes were still screwed shut.</p>
<p>“Ladybug,” he said, his voice a whisper. “Hey, look at me.”</p>
<p>She shook her head, screwing her eyes tighter. “<em>No, no, no, no.” </em></p>
<p>She tried to raise her hands back to her head, but he resisted. She fought against him halfheartedly, sobbing and crying at that point, but not letting her eyes look up at the very person she wanted, she <em>needed. </em></p>
<p>She fought harder against him, but his hands held her firmly in his grasp, and she sobbed. He pulled her closer to him, so she could feel his breath bouncing off the skin on her face. This stumped her, and she momentarily stopped fighting, a ripple of confusion going through her body.</p>
<p>“Marinette,” he said carefully.</p>
<p>She completely stilled, opening her eyes and raising her gaze to look at him, the tears that were building inside her eyelids finally spilling out. His eyes were watching her, full of pain as he waited for her to respond, his patience limitless when it came to her.</p>
<p>He released one of her hands and brought the other one he held closer to him, pulling it and stretching her fingers lightly. She sprawled her palm across his chest, the one hand placed right over the spot where his heart was supposed to be.</p>
<p>A strong, rhythmic beat pounded against her hand.</p>
<p>“I’m real,” Chat whispered, staring down at her.</p>
<p>Ladybug hesitantly met his eyes, another ripple of confusion going down her spine. She twisted her face at him, struggling once again to separate her hallucinations from reality. But as she stared up at him, feeling the rise and fall of his chest, his breathing light and steady. How his heartbeat seemed to completely leave her utterly her speechless, and her heart slowly started syncing with his. How his hand that covered hers over his chest made her feel butterflies in the pit of her stomach, where the abyss of trauma was supposed to be living.</p>
<p>Not that she was complaining, but <em>where on earth did it go? </em></p>
<p>She slowly let it dawn on her, that maybe the reason why she was struggling to separate her hallucinations from reality, was because there was nothing to separate.</p>
<p>That maybe, this was real.</p>
<p>
  <em>This was real. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>This was real. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>This. Was. Real. </em>
</p>
<p>She raised her gaze to meet Chat’s again, and she caught her breath as a chill slowly made its way down her spine. Her heart skipped a beat as she gazed at him, admiring his sharp jaw, his soft eyes and shaggy blond hair. How, under the moonlight, he seemed to grow about ten times more handsome than she previously thought, making his features sharper.</p>
<p>In the back of her mind, the part that wasn’t having a mental break down, she noted how gorgeous he looked in front of her.</p>
<p>She swallowed thickly, “C-Chat?”</p>
<p>He relaxed his tense shoulders, a look of sheer relief crossing his features as he gazed down at her. “Yeah… Marinette, it’s me.”</p>
<p>“You’re…” she started to say, staring up at him. “You’re… real?”</p>
<p>He nodded, stepped closer to her and reaching out. He delicately held her face in his hands, stroking her cheeks with his thumbs affectionately, and Ladybug reached up to take his wrists.</p>
<p>“I’m real,” he said, leaning forward and pressing his forehead to hers. “You’re okay.”</p>
<p>She closed her eyes, and finally let her guard down, stepping closer to him as well and relishing in the feeling of him being so close to her, <em>so close</em>. He was touching her, his hands holding her delicately like so many nights she dreamed about, the dreams both torturing and blissful.</p>
<p>There was both nothing and everything to say, the moment they held together, the moment Ladybug was desperately holding onto, a strong, intimate moment. One that rooted her to the spot, holding his hands to her face like she never wanted him to let go of her, be farther than a few inches from her.</p>
<p>She can’t lose him again, no matter what she feels for him, she can’t lose him. Those five years were terrible, and now, after being trapping in this dark, traumatizing ocean for so long where she struggling to keep her head above water…</p>
<p>She felt a slow burning candle lighting in her heart, a heat that warmed her completely and not at all. The heat not enough and just enough. The moment both filled and completely empty.</p>
<p>It felt soft and gentle, like he was with her.</p>
<p>Almost as if it were a glow.</p>
<p>An afterglow.</p>
<p>Something roared in the distance, making Ladybug jump away from Chat with a pounding heart full of fear, when she realized what exactly she left roaming around the streets of Paris all alone.</p>
<p>Chat locked eyes with Ladybug and smiled at her, “We should probably take care of that.”</p>
<p>She stared at him for a long moment, before jerking her head from side to side, shaking the after affects of the moment from her head, and putting on her game face.</p>
<p>She can worry about this later, right now, they had a city to save.</p>
<p>.             .             .</p>
<p>The sentimonster roared loudly before swinging its paw, crashing through the corner of a building. Pieces of debris flew everywhere, one particular large piece falling hard and fast towards a young boy, who stared up at it, not registering. Right before it hit the boys head, who started to look away, an unwinding sound pierced the air, and suddenly wire had created a net above him, catching the debris.</p>
<p>“Kid! Run!” Ladybug yelled, standing on top of the stable part of the building, her yo-yo pulled tight as she held the piece of debris up.</p>
<p>Without a second of hesitation, the boy started running down the street, and Ladybug was able to let the piece of cement drop with a loud crash.</p>
<p>“Ladybug!”</p>
<p>She looked up and saw Chat Noir standing on the lion’s back with his pole around its neck, pulling it tight. He was struggling to keep his footing as the lion continued to buck violently under him, trying to shake him off.</p>
<p>Ladybug stepped forward and winced as she flexed her right hand, the hand she landed on. Ignoring the pain, she spun her yo-yo next to her and threw it at the building across the street, before jumping off the building. She hit the ground running at the back end of the senti, its tail waving all over the place and smashing the sides of windows and setting car alarms off.</p>
<p>She threw it again, the end of the yo-yo wrapping around the chimney just ahead of the senti. She yanked herself upwards, she landed on the monster’s back, rolling and coming up with one knee.</p>
<p>Chat Noir looked behind him at her, and she got up and ran to him, also struggling to keep her balance. Once she reached him, she grabbed the extended baton that was still wrapped around the lion’s neck. She stood next to him, keeping her feet steady as she turned to him.</p>
<p>“If you can keep me steady, I can reach for the picture,” she said, nodding in the direction of the object.</p>
<p>He nodded, “No problem.”</p>
<p>He outstretched his hand to her, and she immediately took it, scooting to the other side of him. She gained a better grip as she adjusted her right hand, grabbing his wrist instead and he did the same, but she winced in pain again.</p>
<p>“What’s wrong?” he asked, noticing her grimace.</p>
<p>“It’s nothing,” she said, “Focus, Chat.”</p>
<p>She didn’t wait for him to respond and scooted more forward, letting Chat keep her grounded to the monster’s back as she leaned over the side of the senti, and caught sight of the piece of paper. She stretched her hand to it, and grimaced as she struggled to get a hold of it still, her frustration and pain in her wrist increasing.</p>
<p>“C’mon,” she growled under her breath, reaching further.</p>
<p>Her fingertips grazed the piece of paper just as the sentimonster bucked again, and Chat stumbled behind her, losing his balance for a split second before regaining his footing.</p>
<p>“I’ve got it!” he yelled over the lion’s roar when she hesitated to reach again. “Grab it!”</p>
<p>She reached again, and this time, her index and middle finger grazed the corner of it, and she reached a tiny bit more, holding her breath through the strain before she finally was far enough. She grabbed it with her index and middle finger, carefully pulling it from the chain and looking back at Chat.</p>
<p>“Got it!” she yelled, but she was cut off as the senti bucked again, and this time they both lost their footing, stumbling backwards onto its back.</p>
<p>The lion bucked again, and they had nothing to grab hold of as they suddenly flew into the air, going upwards. They must’ve gone about fifty feet higher from the lion’s back when they slowed, only to arch back down towards the ground.</p>
<p>Ladybug twisted in mid air and grabbed Chat’s hand, pulling him into her before wrapping an arm around his waist, holding him firmly against her.</p>
<p>“Hold on!” she yelled, the wind whipping their faces.</p>
<p>She threw her yo-yo again, and they were lucky as it wrapped around a stable chimney, and they swung into an arch towards the street, having to tuck their legs in as their knees barely touched the ground. Unable to catch themselves, Ladybug retracted her yo-yo and they tumbled to the ground, rolling a few feet all over each other, limbs flailing.</p>
<p>Ladybug groaned and opened her eyes and found herself staring up into Chat Noir’s piercing green eyes. His mouth was agape as he stared back at her, his eyes wide and his knees straddling her hips. His arms were under her, as if he attempted to cushion her fall before, and her hands were gripping his biceps.</p>
<p>For a long moment, they just stared.</p>
<p>Until Ladybug shook herself out of it and gently asked him to get off her. He shook himself out of a daze as well, taking her hands and helping her to her feet as she looked down at the wadded piece of paper in her hand. She ripped it in half, and a little blue feather floated out of the broken pieces. </p>
<p>She threw her yo-yo at it, and caught the toxic amok from the air, bringing it down before releasing the newly cleansed feather into the air, watching as the wind slowly carried it away. The giant sentimonster faded from view, crumbling to nothing once the feather was purified.</p>
<p>All went silent.</p>
<p>She felt the need to question what just happened. She was beyond confused and angry, asking herself why are they just showing up <em>now? </em>What was the point waiting all those years while Ladybug was all alone without her partner? Why not attack her when she’s at her weakest and most vulnerable point in her life? Did they know something she didn’t?</p>
<p>All this crumbled to her feet though when she heard familiar footsteps taking a few steps towards her. </p>
<p>She could feel his eyes on the back of her head, watching her carefully like she was going to explode any second. Not only was earlier terrifying, the way she thought he was a hallucination, it was <em>extremely</em> embarrassing. The minute Chat Noir’s back she’s panicking and pushing him away, trying to clean the images in her head like they were going to hurt her.</p>
<p>Like he was going to hurt her.</p>
<p>The last thing she wanted was for him to think she was this broken, lonely superhero that has been lost without her partner all these years. That as soon as he left, she regretted the words she said to him, regretted them so bad it made her heart hurt. Because now, as they stood there in complete silence, a large bubble of tension rose between them.</p>
<p>She refused to look at him, because if she did, she might spill over, and she can’t do that, not now.</p>
<p>As an attempt to distract herself, she looked down at her right hand, delicately holding it with her left and inspecting it. It throbbed a little bit, but nothing too major or anything she should worry about.</p>
<p>He cleared his throat behind her, and she jumped, forgetting he was there for a moment.</p>
<p>“Ladybug?” he called; his voice soft. “You okay?”</p>
<p>It was a question she has been asked a lot recently, especially over the last several years considering what she’s been through. She was annoyed with it at first, only tolerating it because she knew the people asking her were only concerned about her. But after a while, the question got old and she found herself hating it.</p>
<p>Maybe she hated it because she had to lie and put up a front all the time.</p>
<p>But the way he asked it… she can’t place it. The question didn’t bother her like it usually did, and the words rolled off his tongue so naturally, like it was natural for him to worry about her so much. Like it was natural for him to ask that question all the time.</p>
<p>She found herself slowly turning around, raising her eyes even more slowly up to meet his.</p>
<p>It was like a spark had been ignited in the darkest of nights when his eyes locked onto hers, a firecracker lighting up the shadows of her mind. Years of torment, years of torture and years of torturing and tormenting herself because she drove him away in the end, even though he was the one to leave first. All of it, in a blink of an eye, all at once, it faded, and she was left with a warm feeling in her veins, running deep into her soul and making her heartbeat quicken.</p>
<p>All of him, his deep, intense eyes that stared at her longingly, giving her a quick check over to make sure she was okay. His lips that were slightly parted curving down in a nervous frown, his bottom lip trembling slightly, as if he was afraid of what might happen next. His long, muscled arms hung loosely at his sides, twitching only in the slightest movement that indicated he wanted to move toward her. And his restless stance, swaying from side to side like he might fall over, looking slightly awkward and utterly adorable.</p>
<p>Years of feeling abandoned and lonely didn’t matter in this moment, because with him staring at her like that, for the first time in years, she felt whole.</p>
<p>Whole because Chat Noir was <em>back. </em>And he was standing right in front of her, her other half, her other whole, her yang to his yin, her partner and his best friend, and her kitty and his lady.</p>
<p>It was all in that moment she realized something so intense and so beautiful and so… scary.</p>
<p>Something that she knew would change her life forever, even if she never said it out loud.</p>
<p>It was that moment she realized…</p>
<p>She is in love with Chat Noir.</p>
<p>.             .             .</p>
<p>He could already tell there was something wrong, something wrong with her. It was the way her eyes seemed to catch his gaze before quickly looking away, like looking at him might hurt her. She was scared of something, the little crinkle between her eyebrows as she knitted them together said all he needed to know.</p>
<p>It hurt him to see her like this, even if she was in his presence after several years waiting and wishing she would be okay when he came back. He gave her time and space, thinking that five years must’ve been enough considering it was enough time to get over what happened with his father.</p>
<p>But maybe he was wrong? He was so excited to see her he completely forgot that <em>he </em>was the one that betrayed <em>her. </em>That maybe she never wanted to see him again, that she told him that she hated his guts back when he was eighteen. Did he miss that part? Was he making her uncomfortable?</p>
<p>
  <em>What exactly had he done to her? </em>
</p>
<p>The unknown answer to that question completely terrified him. Maybe because he was making up the worst scenarios in his head and complicating them even more when he reminded himself that he loved her, both in and out of the mask.</p>
<p>He knew he did something bad, terrible even. He knew he put this darkness in her by bringing her back to life all those years ago, and the action had affected her horribly. And through her eyes she couldn’t see why he would do such a thing, make her live through this hell she supposedly has been living in for the last five years.</p>
<p>Take only ten minutes ago, when he caught her midair as the sentimonster lion thing threw her halfway down the long, narrow street. When she finally realized it was him that had caught her, or rather rolled with her, she freaked out and called him a “hallucination.” She looked so terrified of him, her eyes wide with fear as she threatened him, screaming for him to get back with warning and pain in her voice.</p>
<p>She was terrified of <em>him, </em>and she had a right to be so, since he was the one that did this to her.</p>
<p>He didn’t blame her one bit, because he blamed himself possibly even more than she blamed him.</p>
<p>And it killed him every day.</p>
<p>They landed on top of the Eiffel Tower, Ladybug walking to the edge and staring down at the city, the lights illuminating her face. He couldn’t see her eyes that well, since he was facing her side with her head turned away from him, like she was hiding away from him.</p>
<p>The sight hurt him, only because she was hurting, and it was because of him she was hurting.</p>
<p>He didn’t want to scare her more than he already had, so he hesitantly took a step forward, trying to make her aware of his presence.</p>
<p>She caught onto it and looked back at him, hugging herself around the middle as she watched him slowly approach her until they were only a few feet apart.</p>
<p>“That’s still Marinette under there, right?” he asked, his voice gentle.</p>
<p>Ladybug pressed her lips together before nodding, “Yeah,” she said, her voice quiet. “It’s me.”</p>
<p>He nodded back at her, not moving from his spot as he looked down. He noticed her holding her right wrist in her hand, hanging in front of her limply.</p>
<p>He met her eyes again, “You okay?”</p>
<p>She tore her eyes away from him to glance down at her injured wrist before quickly looking back at him, shifting uncomfortably.</p>
<p>“Yeah, I’m okay,” she said, bringing her right wrist up and looking at it. “It hurts a little, but I’m fine.”</p>
<p>He glanced at her hand again, still worried about her before meeting her eyes. “Can I look at it?”</p>
<p>She slowly looked back up at him, her eyes filled with a heaviness that hid behind a curtain. Like she was hiding something behind the shadows of her eyes, hiding in a room where she stored something that was dark and evil inside her. Her eyes looked upset when they shouldn’t look like that in the first place. She looked tired, uneasy, and maybe a little scared, when her eyes should be full of light, cockiness and laughter, a sight that never ceased to leave him breathless. The first thing he saw in her when they met, therefore, the first thing he fell in love with.</p>
<p>When she hesitantly nodded, she stepped closer to him this time, and he let her. He let her fill the space between them, not wanting to overwhelm her with his presence. He could tell she was already hesitant to be close to him, and he didn’t want to violate or endanger her starting to panic again.</p>
<p>Once she was about a foot away, she shyly offered her injured hand to him, and he slowly reached out to her, taking her hand gently in his.</p>
<p>He hadn’t realized he had been touch starved all these years until he was touching her, holding her hand carefully. The contact made the skin under his suit tingle and set ablaze, her fingertips touching the inside of his wrist. He gently twisted their interlocked hands, carefully inspecting her wrist in search of anything displaced. Although, it was hard to see if anything was seriously injured through her super suit, and he looked up at her awkwardly.</p>
<p>He shifted nervously, meeting her eyes. “Could you detransform?”</p>
<p>Her eyebrows rose at this.</p>
<p>“I mean,” he started, still keeping his voice quiet. “You don’t have to. I just… I can’t see anything through your suit and I’m…” he blushed but didn’t look away from her. “I’m still a little worried about you.”</p>
<p>
  <em>Only a little? C’mon, that’s an understatement. </em>
</p>
<p><em>Shut up, </em>he told himself.</p>
<p>Ladybug pressed her lips together, looking away as a look of contemplation rose to her expression. She thought for a long moment, making Chat all the more nervous as he watched her, waiting for an answer.</p>
<p>Finally, she looked back at him, her eyes making the decision.</p>
<p>“Spots off,” she said, closing her eyes as the pink transformation magic covered her body, illuminating the dark air around them like a spotlight.</p>
<p>Chat watched as her transformation slid away, revealing the girl behind the mask. He’s never seen her detransform in front of him before, and it struck him as an intimate thing to watch her do so. Like she was peeling away her armor, piece by piece, or tearing down her walls, brick by brick, right in front of him. All for him to see her without the mask, without the safety it provided.</p>
<p>A vulnerable, intimate moment he would treasure and relive forever.</p>
<p>Marinette Dupain-Cheng stood there, just like he had always known for years. Her eyes watching him carefully, like he would reject or laugh at her. The very idea of making fun of her was stupid, only because he would never do such a thing, especially with the way she was looking at him in that moment.</p>
<p>Marinette’s eyes were fragile as he gazed into hers. He was afraid to shatter her eyes, so he tore his gaze from hers, looking down at her injured hand instead. He noticed the slight bruising around her wrist along with the swelling it did.</p>
<p>“It’s a little bruised and swelled, but nothing to major,” he said, still inspecting her hand. “Just make sure to ice it when you get home.”</p>
<p>He met her eyes when she didn’t respond and was surprised to find her smiling a little bit.</p>
<p>“Yes, sir,” she said, her voice slightly teasing him.</p>
<p>He returned her smile, his eyes soft as he looked at her, a small glint in her eyes.</p>
<p>
  <em>There she is. </em>
</p>
<p>Marinette was wearing a long-sleeved light pink sweater that fell off one of her shoulders, which was a slightly distracting sight. She wore black leggings, tennis shoes, and her long dark hair cascaded down her face, framing her beautiful features.</p>
<p>He looked down at her hand again and twisted it further, so the inside of her wrist was facing towards the sky. He used his other hand to slightly move the cuff of the pink sweater more up her arm, to look at the inside of her wrist and make sure she was okay there as well.</p>
<p>But as soon as he touched the soft skin of her wrist, she yanked her hand out of his grasp, the action making her yelp in pain, but she held her wrist close to her chest.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry,” he said gently, still terrified he might scare her. “I’m sorry, did I hurt you?”</p>
<p>She looked back up at him, still holding her injured hand to her chest tightly, like she was afraid if she let go, it might fall off.</p>
<p>“No,” she finally said after a few silent seconds. “No, I’m just…” she trailed off, looking away as she said her next words. “I’m just not used to people touching me for that long.”</p>
<p>Chat nodded in understanding, “That’s okay,” he said, smiling warmly at her when she met his gaze again. “Whatever you’re comfortable with.”</p>
<p>Marinette gave him a grateful smile, “Thank you.”</p>
<p>He respected her too much to deny what she’s comfortable with.</p>
<p>He nodded, “Of course.” He gives her a really gentle and hesitant smile, “How are you? I mean, besides the wrist.”</p>
<p>Marinette took a deep breath before turning more to him, her body facing his now. “I’m okay.”</p>
<p>“Really?” he asked, not wanting to pressure her.</p>
<p>“I mean,” she said, sighing. “I’ve been better… but I’ve also been worse.” She smiled halfheartedly at him, “But I’m okay.”</p>
<p>He nodded, guilt hitting him like a freight train, “Well, that’s better than not okay.”</p>
<p>She sighed again, “I guess.”</p>
<p>Chat looked up at her, and all the guilt that he’s been feeling the last five years suddenly came crashing down on him like a crumbling building. It buried him, suffocating him and making it impossible to breath or sit comfortably.</p>
<p>“Marinette…” he said, taking a step closer to her, not leaving her eyes.</p>
<p>Marinette nodded, like she already knew what was coming. “You can say it, Chat.”</p>
<p>His eyes locked with hers and he suddenly felt like crying. “I’m so sorry,” he said.</p>
<p>She looked down, “I know.”</p>
<p>He suddenly felt like a geyser, the need to explode or else he would start building up and destroying everything inside him. The need to spill out everything so he can make her understand, to rid of this guilt trap he’s fallen into.</p>
<p>“You’re like this because of me,” he said, looking down at her with pain in his eyes. “You’re like this because I brought you back and—”</p>
<p>“Chat,” Marinette said, stopping him. “This isn’t all your fault.”</p>
<p>He stared down at her, about to protest but she stopped him by continuing.</p>
<p>“Please,” she said, her voice begging him. “I can’t exactly tell you why, but I don’t want you beating yourself up either.”</p>
<p>“I’ve been beating myself up for five years,” he admitted, watching her. “I was unable to get to you. I couldn’t reach you before Hawkmoth—”</p>
<p>“Stop,” Marinette said firmly, grabbing his arm. “That wasn’t your fault, Chat. Hawkmoth killed me, you didn’t.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, but—”</p>
<p>“Chat,” she said, warning in her voice which caught his attention. “Stop. <em>Please.</em>”</p>
<p>Something in her eyes and in her tone of voice set off the alarm bells in his head. He reached out to her, taking her uninjured wrist in his hand like she might start running for the edge, forgetting she wasn’t transformed.</p>
<p>“Marinette,” he said, looking down at her in concern. “You okay?”</p>
<p>She doesn’t answer and looked away, closing her eyes. She looked like she was trying to fight something back, hold something down and chain it somewhere so it doesn’t go past her thoughts. After a long moment of her not answering, he stepped closer, holding her wrist to his chest.</p>
<p>“Hey,” he said, leaning down and trying to catch her gaze. “Hey, look at me.”</p>
<p>She hesitantly raised her head, meeting his eyes finally. His heart lurched painfully with the scared look in her eyes as he waited patiently for her to meet his gaze again.</p>
<p>“What’s wrong?” He asked.</p>
<p>She took a long time answering, and when she finally looked like she was going to answer, she looked down, and carefully tugged her arm away from him. She backed up a couple feet, still staring at her feet as she forced out her next words.</p>
<p>“I can’t do this,” she said quietly.</p>
<p>He knitted his eyebrows together in confusion, “Can’t do what?”</p>
<p>She looked back up at him, meeting his eyes. “I can’t be vulnerable with you.”</p>
<p>Chat was just more confused by this, tilting his head at her. “Well, what does that mean?”</p>
<p>She stared at him for a long moment, before looking at something next to his feet. “I think…” she said, her voice quiet and unreadable. “I think it’s best if we keep things… professional.”</p>
<p>He gave her another questioning look, and she continued.</p>
<p>“I mean,” she said, gesturing at both of them, “Between us.”</p>
<p>“Between… us?” he questioned, the weight of her words settling over him like a dark cloud. He realized what she was trying to say, and he leaned back, a brick landing in the pit of his stomach. “Oh…”</p>
<p>Marinette nodded, wrapping her arms around herself. “I think it’s the…” she trailed off, before clearing her throat. “The safest option.”</p>
<p>
  <em>Safest option? </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Did she not trust him? </em>
</p>
<p>He watched her for a moment, taking in her pale skin glowing in the moonlight, the bottom half of her face glowing golden from the city lights below. Her eyes were soft and sorry, like she didn’t like this either, but felt it was the <em>safest option. </em></p>
<p>She doesn’t trust him, and the safest option for both her and the city is so they can focus on saving the city and not the drama happening between them. What mattered now was finding the peacock Miraculous and putting another end to another terrorist.</p>
<p>If she can’t trust him like she used to, but they still needed to work together as partners to carry out their duties, and she doesn’t feel safe trusting him like she did before… then this was the safest option. If she feels unsafe with him now, especially with the decision he made all those years ago which was a valid reason in his book, then he will respect her wishes.</p>
<p>Even if it hurt him.</p>
<p>He nodded, swallowing his hurt. “Okay,” he said, meeting her eyes. “Whatever makes you feel safe.”</p>
<p>She nodded, and they fell into a very awkward and very long silence that stretched on for a couple minutes, the wind at the top of the Eiffel Tower their only company.</p>
<p>Marinette cleared her throat and he looked up at her as her face hardened, turning towards the city lights. “We’ll resume our normal patrol schedule,” she said, her voice monotone. “We’ll have joint patrols on the weekends, and of course, we’ll see each other the next time a sentimonster hits.”</p>
<p>He nodded, “Okay.”</p>
<p>“I still have the butterfly Miraculous,” she continued, not looking at him. “Which means the peacock Miraculous is still active, considering that was a sentimonster and not an akuma. We’ll have to try and find this new user, unless it was the same user as last time.”</p>
<p>“Okay,” Chat repeated, turning towards the city, unable to look at her anymore.</p>
<p>There was another long pause, the silence between them defeating with all the unsaid words that screamed between them. That begged to be heard, but like the stubborn people they are, they completely ignored it, for their own personal reasons.</p>
<p>“Tikki,” Marinette said suddenly, making him look over at her again. “Spots on.”</p>
<p>In a pink flash, Marinette turned back to Ladybug, who stood there with her red and black suit looking exactly like the girl he fell in love with all those years ago. He couldn’t ignore the way his heart lurched in his chest, aching for older days.</p>
<p>“Well,” Ladybug said, turning back to him and meeting his eyes again. “I’ll see you next time.”</p>
<p>She started walking away, and Chat watched her back, a sudden need rising in his chest. Maybe it was the late-night hours, and the way the moon reflecting off her numb, perfect blue eyes, or the way she pulled away painfully, like this was the last thing she wanted as well. Or maybe it was the way his heart pounded in his chest, pounding painfully in his ears, rattling his rips and making his heart ache even more.</p>
<p>But ever, painful, lurching and terrible beat in his chest was for her. Every. Pounding. Beat.</p>
<p>And despite everything she just said, keeping things strictly professional between them from now on, he reached out to her, grabbing her wrist and turning her around. It was uncalled for, and unnecessary as he stared into her blue bell eyes, every nerve screaming at him, arguing and agreeing, pressuring and pursuing.</p>
<p>No feeling could compare to the desperation that suddenly burst in his chest, and he delicately held her cheeks as he pressed his mouth to hers.</p>
<p>He breathed her in, after five years of being separated from her, feeling like he was completely lost and gone without her, he breathed her in. Every tiny gasp she made when he switched sides, kissing her over and over again. Breathing in the way she felt pressed up against him, her tiny body completely over shadowed by him. Her hands desperately holding his collar, and pulling him closer, not letting him go. Breathing in how <em>she wasn’t pulling away. </em></p>
<p>Her lips moving against his was the best feeling he’s experienced in years, a fire inside him bursting with warmth that spread throughout his entire body, both a scary and exhilarating feeling.</p>
<p>It was all over too fast as he pulled away, gasping as he did so, breathing in the night air like it was water. He opened his eyes and found her staring up at him, her eyes wide with shock, and he stared back at her with a gentle look.</p>
<p>“Sorry,” he said, not in the slightest as he reached up for her chin. “Just… one last time.”</p>
<p>She couldn’t answer, her mouth hanging open in shock as she slowly closed it, not looking away.</p>
<p>He started to back away, still holding her chin until the last moment he couldn’t, and he dropped his hand to his side, staring at her longingly.</p>
<p>Because this was the last time he could do so.</p>
<p>He gave her a single nod in farewell, before jumping off the Eiffel Tower, not giving her enough time to respond. He ran at top speed towards his apartment, the one he bought just a few days ago in a huge high rise.</p>
<p>He stepped inside of the apartment, and flopped onto the couch, staring at the wall for a long time, before he covered his face with his hands, and sobbed.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>"professional" </p>
<p>Anyways! I have an announcement to make!<br/>I started working again this week! Yay!!! And these shifts are like 12 hours long and only on the weekdays. Which also means I'm not going to be able to update as much as I want to :(<br/>What I'm planning to do is write my butt off every weekend to provide you guys two chapters that I will post on Tuesdays and Thursdays, hopefully. If I don't update one of those nights that means the chapter isn't ready to be posted yet. <br/>Hopefully, that schedule will start this coming Tuesday! </p>
<p>I will NOT abandon this story. I know what it's like to read a really good fic and the author never finishes it. I won't do that to you guys. </p>
<p>Anyways, thanks for those of you reading! I really adore the nice compliments you leave for me in the comments, they just brighten my day. <br/>Stay safe out there everyone!<br/>~being_happy</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Different</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Marinette goes to work and sees a familiar but not friendly face, she deals with a shaky experience, and Adrien gets annoyed and deals with a lot of nostalgia and heartbreak :(</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chapter 5: Different</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“After the devastating attack this previous Monday, Paris has returned to the state we haven’t felt in five years. The return of an old fear with a whole different kind of villain waiting in the shadows for their next victim, and all we can do is hope and pray in our saviors, the familiar masks of our guardian angels.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Ladybug and Chat Noir, after not being seen or heard from in five years, have returned in our hour of need to save the day once again. There are many questions that have yet to be answered, but the duo is hosting a press conference tomorrow at noon to discuss what this new threat means for all of us.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“They will be answering questions given by the many reporters and journalists that will be attending the event tomorrow. Non reporters, journalists or security are not allowed near the event, as requested by Ladybug and Chat Noir, for the reason so to keep the event in order. They suggest all civilians stay at home and watch the conference through the live stream all Paris news stations will be covering along with various different radio stations.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“We hope that after tomorrow, we will have some idea of what we need to do to lessen the attacks as much as possible. </em>
</p><p><em>“This has been Nadja Chamack from </em>Paris Today, <em>back to Byron, who will show helicopter footage of the fight that occurred just four nights ago.” </em></p><p>Leaning against the counter in her favorite coffee shop, Marinette watched as the news broadcast switched to a brunette man in his late twenties who greeted the viewers. He stood in front of a wall of blue moving screens in the background, typical for most news stations, and went over the attack.</p><p>
  <em>“This footage has not been released until this morning, due to technical issues, but here is what our field reporters caught in the helicopter on Monday night of the attack. Let’s take a look.” </em>
</p><p>Again, the screen shifted, and the video of the giant lion monster appeared in the streets, the camera only one hundred feet above the lion’s head. She saw a mini Ladybug and Chat Noir running around the monster, jumping and avoiding its paws and teeth.</p><p><em>“Obviously, it’s clear that our superhero saviors will always come when we need them,” </em>Byron said, smiling at the camera. <em>“Ladybug, Chat Noir, I think I speak for all Parisians when I say; welcome back.” </em></p><p>Marinette sighed, before turning away from the news broadcast, looking around at the other customers who were watching the news broadcast with a mixed expression of worry and interest. She started bobbing her knee under her, getting a nervous feeling in her chest.</p><p>She was anxious, so to speak, about the conference she was supposed to be hosting tomorrow. The conference she was positive would ease Paris a little, but now as she looked around at the room at the anxious faces, she wasn’t so sure. She could practically smell the suffocating smoke in the room, like the conference might do something worse than ease the Parisian’s minds.</p><p>Maybe it was because Marinette—Ladybug—was about to confirm their worst fears, that the events of five years ago are not over, rather have been delayed for some unknown reason.</p><p>Marinette always had a feeling about this, that Hawkmoth’s death didn’t feel like an ending, more like the beginning of something worse and even more dangerous. How ever since she got back from the dead, she’s always had an uneasy feeling about how things ended. She always thought it was this darkness that was in her, but maybe, not counting the actual darkness, that she’s always felt uneasy about his death, that maybe there was a lot more to it.</p><p>A lot more that she and Chat Noir had missed.</p><p>“Marinette!”</p><p>She jumped, looking at the woman behind the counter, who was looking around the room with a paper coffee cup in her hand, the sleeve pressing up against the lid.</p><p>“Right here,” Marinette said, reaching out and taking the coffee. She said a quick thank you before turning and walking to the door, which was crowded full of angry morning people. Well, she couldn’t blame them, considering she was never a big fan of the mornings herself. </p><p>She wrapped her thin grey sweater tighter around her body, taking the first sip of her hot coffee and humming at the comforting warmth. She walked through the morning traffic of the sidewalk towards her workplace, weaving in and out of business people in suits yapping at their employees through their phones.</p><p>Despite Marinette’s sleep deprived state, she was enjoying her walk towards work, taking her time since she was always early anyway.</p><p>Which gave her mind time to go over the very thing she didn’t want to think about.</p><p>Monday’s events were nerve wracking, not just because this is the first time in years that she’s seen a sentimonster or an amok, but because this is the first time in years, she’s seen Chat Noir.</p><p>He’s grown, that’s for sure, he was at least a head taller than her now, and his long, shaggy blond hair that he had sported for years during their battle with Hawkmoth was now even shaggier, which somehow made him look hotter. His black cat suit was mostly the same, except the zipper in the front of this suit was pulled more down, exposing more of his chest, and it was obviously bigger, considering the fact that he didn’t stop growing till much later.</p><p>His demeanor hadn’t changed, he was still the gentle, loving and adorable cat she always remembered him as, despite the years apart. The way his eyes held pain as he watched her be in pain was the same. The way he reached out to her when she was hurting was the same. The way his body called out to her, a comforting hug awaiting that she so desperately needed, but painfully refused.</p><p>Marinette had to admit, she missed him, and it felt good to see his gentle, familiar face again.</p><p>But that wasn’t what was bothering her, in fact it’s not even close to what was bothering her.</p><p>What was bothering her was how hard it was to resist him, impossible even. Despite everything she said just four nights ago, how she wanted everything between them to be strictly professional, she found herself longing for him. A longing that sprouted painfully between her lungs and heart as she watched him leave with a look on his face that screamed, he didn’t want to go.</p><p>And the kiss…</p><p>Don’t get her started on the kiss, she doesn’t know where to begin with how she feels about the kiss. It was an intense, intimate and desperate moment between them. Chat showed her just how much he wanted to stay, wanted things to go back to the way they were before. How much he missed her and wanted to kiss her senseless.</p><p>She understood that feeling, after all, she didn’t pull away. She returned his desperation with her own, the kisses she gave him just as breathless and desperate as the ones he gave her. She clung to him tightly, afraid that if she let him go, he would disappear again, leave her in the dust like he did so many years ago.</p><p>This angered her, if he loved her as much as he showed her, then he wouldn’t have gone, he would’ve stayed with her. He would’ve been there for her, and held her when she needed him to be, even when everything came crashing down.</p><p>Even when her anger was directed at him.</p><p>And these days, they were mostly directed at him.</p><p>Ever since he came back, she has felt this earthshattering, heartbreaking, reality bending anger that burned hot in her chest. An anger that was so frustrating it made her break down in the middle of the night, pounding her sheets as tears flooded her eyes, trying so hard to be quiet.</p><p>She didn’t understand it, like the many things she didn’t understand. She couldn’t find why, what or where she was hurting, only knowing that it left her utterly broken in the darkness. And with no one there to hold her in her dark moments, it only made what she felt, even more real than it should be.</p><p>And what this was, she couldn’t decide whether she deserved it or not.</p><p>She pushed all these depressing thoughts out of her head as she reached the doors of <em>La beaut</em><em>é fran</em><em>çaise. </em>The small, but very popular boutique she worked at that Mlle. Alice Abreo, the fashion designer that owned the place, worked on her designs. She was there so much that Marinette sometimes wondered if she lived there, considering she finds her face down on her desk with droll getting all over her sketches and a spilt coffee cup.</p><p>She was an older woman, somewhere in her mid-fifties with long, blond hair with grey highlights because of her age. Her face was thinned but healthy, crinkles around her eyes and mouth from all the smiling she’s done in her lifetime. Her eyes sparkled when she smiled, which is one of the things Marinette saw that made her believe that this woman is trustworthy. She was about her height, maybe an inch or two taller, and she always wore something outrageous. She was never dressing in what was selling these days, rather what made her feel comfortable, or something that she knew would make her employees laugh. The number of times Mlle. Abreo wore a hot dog imprinted shirt with avocado green pants and her square glasses always brightened Marinette’s day.</p><p>She truly was something else.</p><p>She was also one for leaving things unsaid until the very last minute. Like this moment, for example.</p><p>Marinette pushed open the doors to the boutique, sighing as she entered the warm building and untied the green scarf from her neck.</p><p>“Mlle. Abreo!” she called, hanging both her coat and her scarf on the rack by the front door. She looked around curiously, noticing the brightly colored clothing for the nearing summer weather hanging from the different clothing racks.</p><p>“In here, darling!” she called, her cheerful voice coming from the back of the room.</p><p>Marinette made her way towards the back of the room, weaving in and out between the racks, casting her gaze around the room, looking for her mentor.</p><p>“Over here,” she said.</p><p>She looked to her left and found Mlle. Abreo standing in front of a tall brunette girl, the brunette talking as Mlle. Abreo listened attentively.</p><p>“Mlle. Abreo?” Marinette asked, walking up to them and waiting for her mentor to meet her eyes. “What’s going on?”</p><p>“Oh! Well, this sweet young lady said she’s with <em>Paris Today</em> and she’s writing a piece on the comeback I’m making this summer!” she said, excitement evident in her voice. “Marinette, it would be great if you could show her around.”</p><p>“Sure,” Marinette responding, turning to the newcomer, and extending her hand. “What’s your—” She stopped and stared, her mind collapsing in on itself as she forgot how to speak, immediately recognizing the girl in front of her. Her hazel eye wide behind thick black framed glasses, who stared at her in equal shock.</p><p>“A-Alya,” Marinette stammered, retracting her hand to her chest.</p><p>“Marinette,” Alya said, her voice deeper than she remembered. Her tone was unreadable, and that made Marinette all the more nervous.</p><p>“You two know each other?” Mlle. Abreo said, smiling. “Perfect! Lesser introductions means more time to live life!” She turned back to Alya, catching her attention and taking her hand in both of hers, “Enjoy the shop, my dear, I will be in my office if you need anything. Marinette knows everything about my shop, so feel free to ask her any questions. Okay you two,” she said, glancing at both of them with an oblivious smile, “Come find me after the tour for that interview you mentioned, enjoy!”</p><p>And that’s when she walked away, leaving Marinette standing rooted to her spot, her tongue sticking to the top of her mouth, and her voice completely silenced.</p><p>There was a long, awkward moment where no one said anything.</p><p>“Um…” Marinette started, hesitantly turning to Alya who looked at her, her hazel eyes piercing and terrifying. “W-would you like to see the rest of the shop?”</p><p>Alya stared at her for a long moment, before nodding. “Sure.”</p><p>And with that, began the longest, hardest and most awkwardly awkward tour she’s ever given to any customer, and that was saying something.</p><p>Alya seemed particularly interested in the summer pieces that were slowly making their way to the front of the boutique, many of the mannequins wearing dresses, shorts and simple but pretty shirts.</p><p>“Why does Mlle. Abreo make such simple pieces?” Alya asked, admiring a simple sleeveless pink dress. “Anyone could find something like this at a local store for much cheaper. Plus, all the other fashion designers are creating such flashy and popular pieces, but she went for a much simpler style.”</p><p>“Mlle. Abreo always says that style also comes with comfort, and that’s the best way to sell things,” she said, also delicately running her fingertips over the pink dress. “Nobody wants to walk around summer weather, sweating to death in the hot sun with something that’s uncomfortable,” she shrugged, being brave and meeting Alya’s attentive gaze. “She does the same for all seasons, but her specialty is summer. I guess that’s why she’s gotten such great reviews, because she mostly creates stuff for everyone to wear, not just the high and mighty.”</p><p>Alya turned her gaze back to the dress, “This dress seems to stick out to me, like a diamond in the rough—”</p><p>“That’s what Mlle. Abreo calls that piece,” Marinette said, gesturing at it. “Diamond in the rough.”</p><p>Alya nodded, “I know, it’s in cursive on the back of the neckline with gold embroidery or something,” she admired it, her eyes still looking down on it. “Any reason why she calls it that?”</p><p>“Nobody knows,” Marinette said, shrugging. “Mlle. Abreo has always been known to keep her little secrets up until the very last minute.”</p><p>Alya nodded, “Sounds like someone I know.”</p><p>Marinette cringed and had a bad feeling in her chest, a heavy weight that made her slightly deflate in her stature. A pressure that reminded her with a sickening twist in her stomach just exactly why she and Alya were no longer friends.</p><p>Guilt.</p><p>After that, Marinette continued on her way, showing Alya around as best she could without bringing attention to the weight that now settled between her ribs. A piece of cold, heavy metal that made her feel lightheaded, like she might pass out.</p><p>Finally, they came to the back-right corner of the boutique, where a small office door with a window opened with a creak and they stepped into the empty and very messy office. This was a tiny office Mlle. Abreo gave to her employees, a place where they could chill in privacy on light days with a large window in the wall that looked out into the store. There was a desk in the center, mostly filled with random papers, a computer off the side and a comfortable spin chair tucked under the wooden desk.</p><p>Mlle. Abreo, since it was a small boutique and she didn’t have that many employees and she never opens on the weekends, because of her religion, “day of the Sabbath” she called it, and she used those days to rest. She always gives a lot of freedom to her employees, which is another reason for Marinette to love her, that and her ability to make her laugh on some of her darker days.</p><p>They stepped into the office, closing the door behind them as another awkward silence settled over them.</p><p>Marinette was nervous, repeating the words, <em>don’t start a fight </em>in her head over and over again. She could feel the embers coming off of Alya, like she’s been itching to say something, the comment from earlier proved that much. She knew if she started a fight, something bad would happen. There was no way to predict what exactly could happen, but all she knew is that fighting has to be her last resort, for once.</p><p>Marinette noticed the cookies Mlle. Abreo must’ve set out for her earlier this morning on the desk, and she reached for her purse. She opened it and let Tikki fly out of it, going straight for the cookies.</p><p>“You’re still wearing your Miraculous,” Alya noted.</p><p>Marinette stilled, cursing herself for her stupidity. She looked at her, “Well, yeah,” she said, forcing herself not to fidget. “Why?”</p><p>Alya looked to the side, “I don’t know,” she said, before returning her gaze back to her. “I just didn’t think you were still wearing them.”</p><p>Marinette furrowed her eyebrows, “Why not?”</p><p>Alya shrugged, “Maybe because you disappeared from the face of the planet,” she said coldly.</p><p>Marinette pressed her lips together, <em>so this is where this conversation was gonna go all along. </em></p><p>She turned to Tikki, who sat on the plate watching the conversation with concerned interest, but her eyes met Marinette’s when she turned to her.</p><p>“Tikki, can you give us a minute?” she asked.</p><p>Tikki glanced at Alya once, then back at her. “But—”</p><p>“Please,” Marinette said, her eyes pleading.</p><p>Tikki pressed her lips together, obviously not liking it, but got the message nonetheless from her chosen. A message that screamed, <em>I don’t want you to watch this. </em></p><p>Tikki relented, before taking another cookie in hand and fazed through the window, going somewhere else to hide.</p><p>Marinette turned back to Alya, and eyed her carefully, hesitating before speaking. “I’m sorry I disappeared.”</p><p>“You shouldn’t be telling me that,” Alya stated, looking down and playing with some papers that lay on the desk next to her. “You should be telling Paris that, considering you were wearing your Miraculous this whole time, and never went out to help people.”</p><p>“I couldn’t,” Marinette reasoned, which was true. “I couldn’t get back out there. I wanted to, but—”</p><p>“Even though you quit?” Alya accused.</p><p>Marinette hardened, “I didn’t quit. It’s not like that.”</p><p>Alya snorted, straightening and crossing her arms at her. “Right,” she said, shaking her head. “So, that’s why you’ve been MIA for the last five years?”</p><p>“I came back, didn’t I?” Marinette said, spreading her arms. “And don’t forget, you were the one that left me first.”</p><p>“I didn’t leave an entire city to fend for themselves,” Alya shot back, her voice sharp. “I wasn’t that one that <em>lied</em> to everyone I knew, just to watch them run around like a bunch of pathetic idiots, screaming <em>who’s Ladybug, who’s Ladybug?” </em>She gave her a disapproving look, “And I wasn’t the one that left the streets because I was ‘hurting.’ Honestly, Marinette, I get losing your partner is hard, but people are still losing their lives out on the streets.”</p><p>Marinette felt something drop in her chest, “I came back, he came back, we’re <em>here.</em>” She spread her arms again, asking a why. “So, why are you still mad? This was <em>five years ago</em>, it’s something that we should be trying to move on from, not standing on a stool with a noose around our necks, waiting for one of us to kick the stool out from under each other.” Marinette dropped her hands to her sides, shaking her head at her, “I’m not trying to fight with you, Alya—”</p><p>“Are you saying this is my fault?” Alya interrupted, an incredulous look on her face.</p><p>“I never said that,” Marinette responded.</p><p>Alya huffed, her arm muscles tightening like she was restraining herself from doing something. “Then who’s fault is it, then? Who ruined this friendship with <em>lies?</em>”</p><p>Marinette looked down, a crushing weight of guilt settling in her chest. “Mine,” she said quietly.</p><p>Alya leaned back, “Exactly,” she said, “So, why are you blaming me?”</p><p>“I never said that!” Marinette said again, trying to get her point across. “I just—” she stopped, placing a hand on her collar bone and tapping it, calming her peeking heart rate that was getting a little concerning. “I thought we were over this.”</p><p>Alya’s eyes hardened, glaring coolly at her, “You lied to me <em>for years</em>, Marinette,” she said, “I can’t just forgive you for that.”</p><p><em>That sounds familiar, </em>Marinette thought, closing her eyes.</p><p>“I know,” Marinette said quietly, “I just thought—”</p><p>“What?” Alya interrupted. “That after lying to your <em>best friend</em> for years I was just going to forgive just like <em>that</em>?” She snapped her fingers on the last words, making Marinette flinch. She shook her head at her, “That is not how the world works. Either you can be trusted, or you can’t. It’s that simple.”</p><p>Marinette felt something jump in her chest, and she looked down as a ripple of fear cascaded through her heart and spread through her veins. Soon enough, her body was trembling, and her vision shifted slightly, and she realized with a terrifying ripple that sent her mind racing, what exactly was happening.</p><p>Her eyes widened, <em>no, no, no, </em>she thought, starting to panic. <em>Not now! </em></p><p>All in a span of a few seconds, she tried to force the images back, words, faces, angry tones. They were so angry and hurtful…</p><p>But the images stayed, and Marinette realized she had little time before they consumed her.</p><p>“Um,” she said, her voice shaky. “I’ll walk you to Mlle. Abreo’s office and sh-she should walk you out afterw-wards.”</p><p>After that, Marinette quickly walked her to Mlle. Abreo’s office, feeling the images and the voices fighting their way to the surface, like a slowly building explosion she knew was going to devastate the things around it.</p><p>“Are you okay, <em>Marinetta?</em>” Mlle. Abreo asked, her voice concerned.</p><p>Marinette put on a mask and smiled at her boss, “I’m fine, Mlle. Abreo, thank you for asking.” She smiled over at Alya and back at Mlle. Abreo, the effort taking everything in her, “Well, the tour went amazing, and I hope you guys have a <em>wonderful </em>time getting to know each other.”</p><p>Mlle. Abreo gained a hesitant look on her face, but that didn’t matter as Marinette quickly left the room, trying her best to calm her breathing as she rushed to the bathroom, her legs trembling all the way there. With shaking hands, she opened the door, entering the one room bathroom and locked it behind her. She turned to the mirror, placing her hands on the sink and looked up at her reflection.</p><p>She was pale, her skin damp from the sweat that sprouted from her forehead, the blood drained from her face completely. She looked foreign and sick to herself, her skin burning with heat as she struggled to fight against the rising images, the ones that were making her terrified.</p><p>“Marinette?” Tikki’s voice appeared behind her, but she didn’t respond. Tikki suddenly appeared next to her head, looking at her through the mirror. “Marinette, what’s wrong?”</p><p>Marinette gasped before dropping her head, unable to hold it up anymore. “I think—” she said, stopping herself, trying to control her now stirring stomach. “I think—”</p><p>She backed away from the sink, raking her hands through her damp hair and closing her eyes as her breathing pattern picked up pace.</p><p>“I think I need to sit down,” she forced out, a gasp following that.</p><p>Tikki nodded, “Okay, you do that. Lean back, the doors right behind you, yup that’s it—”</p><p>Marinette leaned back against the door, and used it to slide down to the floor, her butt hitting the cold floor. She drew her knees up to her chest, placing her forehead against her knees, trying to control her already fast paced breathing. Her heart pounded painfully in her chest, each beat causing a ripple of pain that pressed into the back of her head, making it harder to fight for control.</p><p>“Marinette?” Tikki asked, panic evident in her voice but it was suppressed. “Are you having another episode? Can you hear me?”</p><p>Marinette struggled with processing the words but was able to open her mouth and respond soon enough. “I can h-hear you,” she said, her voice shaking as another ripple of fear passed through her chest. “I’m st-still h-here.”</p><p>“Okay, that’s good, that’s longer than usually. You can fight it, you’ve got this, Marinette. Stay calm and try to breath.”</p><p>Marinette whimpered, as white noise slowly started to fill her ears. “It’s too much,” she said, shaking her head against her knees. “I can’t do this, Tikki.”</p><p>“Yes, you can,” Tikki encouraged, “You have to—remember to breath, Marinette.”</p><p>Marinette slowed her breathing, which made her hope, maybe if she can slowly bring herself down, maybe she can push the flashback down enough that it would disappear.</p><p>She slowly raised her head, about to comment about the progress she made when—</p><p>“Tikki,” Marinette said, the fear increasing again. “I can’t see.”</p><p>“You’re blacking out?” Tikki asked, her own voice shaking.</p><p>Marinette nodded, as her face scrunched up as tears started forming, “I don’t want to do this again, Tikki, I don’t want to see wh-what’s on the other s-side.”</p><p>“Marinette, you need to calm down.”</p><p>“I can’t… I <em>can’t…</em>”</p><p>“Marinette…” her voice was drowned out as the white noise increased, her ears falling deaf to any and all sound around her reality.</p><p>Her reality completely slipped away, leaving her cold and numb as the flashback came crashing down hard.</p><p>.             .             .</p><p>“You’re… you’re Ladybug?”</p><p>Alya’s face was wide with shock, her mouth agape as she stared at Marinette with an unbelieving look in her eyes. The kwami, Tikki, floated next to her head, glancing from her chosen to the unexpected intruder on their conversation, who had walked into her room, accusing her of being the famous superheroine everyone was talking about.</p><p>Marinette quickly asked Tikki to give them some privacy. The kwami hesitated, not wanting to leave her chosen one alone for very long considering where this conversation might go, but her holder insisted. Tikki flew out of the room, going through the skylight and disappearing from sight as Marinette turned back to a slowly seething Alya.</p><p>They were eighteen at the time, and it has been just over three months since Adrien left, just over three months since Marinette lost her partner, and just over three months since Hawkmoth died.</p><p>Marinette felt like she lost a lot, but with the wide, hurt look in Alya’s eyes at the moment, it seemed that she might lose her best friend as well.</p><p>“How did you know?” Marinette asked, her voice quiet.</p><p>It took Alya a long moment to answer, her mouth still wide with shock, but it closed when her eyes filled with anger. “I saw you detransform in that alleyway a block back,” Alya said, her voice cold. “I was on my way to see you when I saw Ladybug flying over the rooftops. I followed her, as usual, trying to catch a few words with her when—” she stopped, her face bending in a dark look. “When I saw you detransform and walk out of the alley like <em>nothing happened.</em>”</p><p>Marinette deflated at her tone, “Alya—”</p><p>“Don’t you <em>dare</em> give me that, ‘I did it to protect you’ shit,” Alya said, her voice venomous. “You weren’t protecting <em>shit</em>, Marinette, I would’ve been in the same amount of trouble as I would usually be in.”</p><p>“It’s not about how much trouble you’d be in,” Marinette said, finding her voice. “It was about how much <em>danger </em>you would’ve been in. If I told you who I was, people could take advantage of that—”</p><p>“They’ve done it in the past,” Alya interrupted. “It didn’t matter if I knew anything, they still used me to get to you.”</p><p>“As they always do!” Marinette cried, “And it would’ve been <em>worse</em> if you knew, you could’ve—”</p><p>“I can take care of myself, Marinette,” Alya said, crossing her arms at her chest. “I don’t need you or anyone else taking care of me.”</p><p>“Says the girl that needs Ladybug’s rescuing all the time because of akumas!” Marinette said, desperation in her voice. “I had to save you even before you knew, and if you did and Hawkmoth would’ve found out, he could’ve <em>killed </em>you for my name.”</p><p>“So, this was about protecting your identity?” Alya accused.</p><p>“It wasn’t just that,” Marinette said, her voice calmer. “Yes, keeping my identity a secret was part of it, but it was never meant to hurt you.”</p><p>Alya huffed, “Too late.”</p><p>Marinette gave her a helpless look, “I’m sorry I kept it from you,” she said, her arms hanging limply at her sides, weighing like a million pounds. “If it means anything, I wanted to tell you every day.”</p><p>Alya snorted loudly, giving her an incredulous look. “Are you serious?” she asked, her voice filled with disbelief. “You never did, and that’s my problem with you right now. You never told me—<em>you never told me.</em>” She pressed her lips together, anger in her eyes, “And that’s why I’m <em>pissed </em>with you.”</p><p>“Alya—” Marinette tried, but was interrupted again.</p><p>“And to make it worse, you lied to me,” she said, pointing at her. “You <em>lied </em>to me, when all you did was catch people in their own lies and told them off for it.” She shook her head at her, “When really, you were the lying girl. You’re the one that was in the wrong,” she leaned back, giving her a disapproving look. “You’re such a hypocrite.”</p><p>Marinette nodded, looking down. “I know that.” She looked back up, “But I believe that what I did, keeping you in the dark, was keeping you safe,” she said, gesturing at herself. “I couldn’t risk you getting hurt or worse, not after all that’s happened in the last few months.”</p><p>Alya scowled, “Right, because you lost your partner that left you in the dust with a broken heart,” she shook her head, “Just because you’re hurting, doesn’t give you the right to continue lying to someone, especially since it’s over now, there’s no point in hiding your identity.”</p><p>“There are still bad people in the world, Alya,” she said. “A person that doesn’t wield a Miraculous could still hurt you as much as someone who does wield one. And if someone found out my identity just as easily as you had, someone could go after you and the people I love,” she shook her head, “And I couldn’t risk that.”</p><p>“That doesn’t change the fact that you lied!” Alya shouted, hurt in her voice. “Why can’t you trust me with your secrets?! Why are you pushing me away?! And why are you so cold recently?!”</p><p>“Because you <em>betrayed</em> me!” Marinette shouted, snapping angrily at her friend. She pointed at her accusingly, “Because when I needed you most, when everyone around me was giving me dirty looks because I hit Lila, I turned to you, like I always do! But you were too focused on the what and not the <em>why!” </em></p><p>“You hit her!” Alya shouted back, “You hit that poor girl when she was just trying to comfort you! She had no beef with you and you just hit her out of nowhere!”</p><p>“You don’t know what she’s like!” Marinette cried, “She was <em>baiting </em>me, Alya, she was trying to make me do it. And with this <em>thing</em> inside me, I just—I just snapped! I couldn’t control myself and I didn’t even know what had happened until after she was on the ground!”</p><p>“Thing?” Alya asked, her voice changing from anger to curiosity. “What <em>thing</em>?”</p><p>Marinette paused, closing her mouth in an answer, and Alya huffed.</p><p>“There it is again,” she said, gesturing at her. “There is the refusal to tell me.”</p><p>“It’s—it’s not like—”</p><p>“It’s not like you don’t want to tell me, you want to, but you <em>can’t?”</em> Alya shook her head at her, “Whatever, it’s nothing new, right?”</p><p>Marinette’s face hardened, “I can’t just <em>open up </em>like that, Alya, if you could just wait—”</p><p>“Wait?” Alya asked incredulously, a dry laugh escaping her lips. “Will it take another three years for you to open up to me? Or are you gonna continue lying to me and everyone around you?”</p><p>Marinette was silent, and Alya nodded in understanding.</p><p>“Well,” she said, her voice laced with a mixture or anger, hurt, and annoyance. “I guess since we can’t trust each other, we can no longer be friends.”</p><p>Marinette’s head snapped upwards, “Wh-what?”</p><p>Alya crossed her arms at her chest, “You heard me.”</p><p>Marinette was silent again for a long time, as she slowly looked back down at her feet, hiding the hurt evident in her eyes. In a matter of such a short time, how could she lose <em>everything </em>she’s ever known all in a span of a few months.</p><p>She guessed she was lucky it lasted this long.</p><p>“If…” Marinette said, her voice quiet as she met Alya’s gaze again. “If that’s what you want.”</p><p>Alya nodded, “Okay,” she said, and she walked back towards the trap door, but before she opened it, she turned back towards Marinette, giving her another disapproving look. “I hope you learned from this.”</p><p>Marinette shifted, holding back the wave. “Trust me,” she said, looking away. “I have.”</p><p>That’s when Alya turned away, opened the door and slid back down and out of the room, pulling the trap door shut behind her with a loud bang.</p><p>.             .             .</p><p>Marinette gasped, immediately coughing from the sudden intake of air as her eyes flew open, the light filling them once again. The bathroom she sat on still blaring light in the room, the sound of the electricity in the walls like white noise that made her scared she might drift into another flashback.</p><p>But as the fear slowly dripped away and was replaced by sadness, she almost felt relieved as she dropped her floating head into her shaking hands, sobbing once.</p><p>“Marinette…?” Tikki’s voice appeared in the air, hesitant and gentle.</p><p>She sighed, and without looking up, she asked, “How long was I out?”</p><p>Tikki was silent for a moment, “About two minutes.”</p><p>Marinette nodded, “That’s the normal time, right?”</p><p>“Yes,” Tikki responded.</p><p>A light pressure landed on one of her knees, and she assumed Tikki had floated to her knee and settled on top of it, watching her chosen.</p><p>“You should tell Mlle. Abreo,” she said, her voice laced with concern. “She wouldn’t want you working if you’re sick.”</p><p>Marinette groaned, before raking her hand through her hair once then looking up at Tikki, wiping the non-existing tears off her cheeks.</p><p>“I’m not sick, I’m just…” she trailed off, looking for the right word. “Adjusting…” she said settling on that. She glanced back at the door, “Besides, I don’t want to bother her with this.”</p><p>“You wouldn’t be bothering anyone,” Tikki said, her voice becoming insistent. “Stop pushing people away. Don’t you understand that it’s hurting you? It’s not doing you any good.”</p><p>She hummed, nodding her head, “Of course I know it’s hurting me, but…” she shook her head, closing her eyes. “But pushing people away is keeping them safe.”</p><p>“Safe from you?” Tikki asked incredulously. “Marinette, no one needs to be <em>safe </em>from you.”</p><p>Marinette shook her head, “Yes,” she said, meeting the kwami’s eyes. “They do.” She suddenly stood up, ignoring the dizzy spell that was cast on her as she steadied herself against the door. “C’mon,” she said, unlocking the door and stepping out of the bathroom. “We’ve got work to do.”</p><p>.             .             .</p><p>“Over by this section, we have our fabric lab, sewing lab and embroidery lab,” Michael said while smiling back at the small group. “We try to keep things as separate as possible, so that it’s more organized and more efficient, so each product comes out the same.”</p><p>Adrien nodded, looking in through the glass of the sewing lab, watching as men and woman mechanically let the sewing machines eat up the material, the string lining the fabric. Every tool, string, fabric and utensil was all set next to the sewing machines, all in perfect, straight and organized lines next to each other.</p><p>“I can see that,” Adrien said, walking away from the window back towards the group.</p><p>Michael, the owner of the building, smiled widely at him again as he waited for him to catch up. “Oh yes! We are very proud of our organization as we slowly build this amazing brand back up from the ashes.”</p><p>Adrien snorted, “You mean from where a mad man once owned it?”</p><p>“Adrien,” Amelie, his aunt, hissed from behind him. “Behave.”</p><p>He rolled his eyes, having heard that command since he was eighteen and moved in with her and Felix. He hated it, considering he was an adult, has been for five years, and he was still treated like a child, even at the age of twenty-three.</p><p>“Anyway,” Michael said, somehow not noticing the exchange with his oblivious and obnoxious smile as he gestured behind him. “You should definitely see where the people that run the place work, the offices! We have to take the private elevator up there.”</p><p>“So. Freaking. Cool.” Adrien whispered under his breath, not caring in the slightest.</p><p>“Adrien,” Nathalie said, making him turn to look at her. She held a tablet, her black, slowly greying hair tied back in a low bun and her lips in a thin line as she flipped through the tablet, not making eye contact with him. “You have about twenty minutes before the tour ends, then Amelie would like to speak with you in the master office.”</p><p>Adrien nodded, already dreading the idea, “Thanks, Nathalie.”</p><p>She glanced at him momentarily and gave him a half smile before turning back to the tablet.</p><p>Adrien has known Nathalie since he was fifteen, when she was hired by his father right after his mother disappeared. Since then, even after his father and mother died, Nathalie has stuck with him through it all. She might not be the most loving person, considering her own broken heart over the incident, but it was that she stayed with him when everyone around him was cold with him.</p><p>He was so grateful for her, and for that, he softened with her.</p><p>For the next torturously long twenty-minutes of Michael’s scary wide smile that was just enthusiasm over kill, Adrien tried to keep his inner Chat Noir at bay and cool down on the sarcasm. He tried, he really did, but sometimes, Chat Noir just kind of <em>appeared </em>out of nowhere and he has no control over it whatsoever.</p><p>Especially when all his willpower was focused on not breaking down like the pathetic, sad kitten he was.</p><p>Yup, this was going to be a looooonnnnggggg day.</p><p>For the past four days since Monday, the night Chat Noir reappeared along with Ladybug, Adrien has been in a daze. Walking around aimlessly with no particular destination in mind, going where people told him to go, doing and saying the same things over and over again. It didn’t matter to him as long as he didn’t break down in front of anyone, completely sobbing like he’s done the past few nights, curled up in a little ball and hoping nobody comes pounding on his door to tell him to shut up.</p><p>The pain was familiar, but it has never been this intense before. He’s been rejected, brushed off and rejected again and the cycle kept going and going, repeating over and over again, but he was used to it. He could tolerate the pain, just so long as she was still his lady, his partner and his best friend. But, ever since that day, the day she found out what he’s done to her, they have changed, she has changed. Everything that they knew came crumbling down, and now he has to watch as she suffers alone without him, because she doesn’t want them to get close again. She said she <em>can’t. </em></p><p>Because she doesn’t trust him anymore.</p><p>That was the painful reality, and he struggled countless times with it, living with it, coping with it. Hoping and praying that maybe, someday, she’d come back to him.</p><p>But if she didn’t, he’d understand. He wouldn’t want to come back to his messy self either.</p><p>Since it’s Friday today, that means they have their first joined patrol together in five years, and the first one where he’s not allowed to flirt or be emotional with her.</p><p>And that was going to be hard, considering the emotional state he was in and the trauma she’s been through.</p><p>Oh boy, was he nervous.</p><p>Nervous because he had to face her, be emotionless, and try to keep his shit together so he doesn’t break down in the middle of patrol. Trying to hold back his waves of pain as he looked at her beautiful face, her skin glowing from the moon and the evening light.</p><p>She was such a painfully beautiful sight, that it left him heartbroken.</p><p>Heartbroken.</p><p>
  <em>Heartbroken. </em>
</p><p>“And finally!” Michael said, his loud enthusiastic voice filling his ears and jolting him out of his depressing thoughts. For once, he was glad. “We have the master office, where the person that owns the building, me for now, works from!”</p><p>He pushed open the glass doors and stepped into the large, extravagant office. The dark couches were in the front, two of them facing one another with a glass coffee table in between them. The carpet was a dark color, large squares of black in two different shades that made the beige, wooden and polished walls stand out. There were giant frames around the room each of them showing off the Agreste Brand’s most popular models in the most popular outfits, Adrien even caught himself in some of the photographs.</p><p>The left side of the room was a large set of windows that over looked the city from above, the height of the windows reaching from the floor all the way to the high ceiling. There was a sliding door that led to a dark balcony, a set of chairs and a single, small and round table sat near the door. The view was impressive, and the sight must be even better at night, a perfect romantic setting… well, a setting he no longer had a use for.</p><p>Despite the old pictures of his teen self, the office was impressive, and he actually saw it as the best part of the tour. Well, considering this was the end of the tour, he was bound to be happy, so he could get back to moping about and focusing on his depressing thoughts.</p><p>Yeah, <em>he’s fine. </em></p><p>“Well!” Michael said, his pudgy stomach and slicked black hair plastered to the top of his head standing out more than ever in the extravagant office. “I hope you guys enjoyed the tour,” he said, glancing first at Adrien, Nathalie then at Amelie. “Unfortunately, I have to leave you now to head down to marketing, we’ve been struggling in one department to the next.” He smiled at Adrien, “But when you buy the company, I know things will start skyrocketing!”</p><p>Adrien smiled, trying so hard to keep his sarcasm in, but failed miserably.</p><p>“Yeah,” he said, resting against the very nice desk in the back of the room while crossing his arms. “Under another Agreste? What could go wrong?”</p><p>Michael’s smile faltered, “Well… I’ll, uh,” he said, still somehow keeping his smile up on his face. “I’ll see you around then, sir.”</p><p>Adrien cringed at the title but wasn’t able to tell him off as he left the room quickly, shutting the glass door shut behind him, then he disappeared behind the corner.</p><p>He sighed, before pushing off against the desk and walking around it, twisting the chair around and sitting down in it. He bounced in it a few times, testing it, before leaning back and putting his feet up on the table, crossing them at the ankles and holding the back of his head with his hands, closing his eyes.</p><p>“Darling,” Amelie said, sitting on the couch’s arm, her voice stern. “Get your feet off that desk.”</p><p>Adrien snorted, “What’s the point?” he asked, shifting to be more comfortable. “It’s gonna be mine anyway.”</p><p>Amelie sighed, standing back up and walking to the front of the desk. “It’s not about what’s going to be yours,” she said, leaning both her hands on the desk and watching him. “It’s about the respect you have for this place.”</p><p>Adrien peeked an eye open, looking at her, “Respect, huh?” he asked, before sitting up and removing his feet from the desk. “Respect for the very desk my father worked on?”</p><p>“He was rarely here,” Nathalie said, jumping into the conversation. “He barely came into the office unless there was an emergency that involved him directly.”</p><p>“It doesn’t matter,” Adrien said, leaning back again. “It was all still his.”</p><p>There was a long silence, both sides understanding it was pointless to argue, considering they’ve been doing it for years, and it still hasn’t gotten them anywhere.</p><p>“So,” Adrien said, breaking the silence and turning to Amelie. “What’s this you wanted to talk to me about?”</p><p>Amelie softened a bit as she opened her mouth to speak. “I want you to consider buying the company.”</p><p>Adrien was silent as he looked away, and Amelie continued talking.</p><p>“It’s the right thing to do, for the next heir to the throne to take the kingdom, Adrien, your father would’ve wanted this,” she said.</p><p>Adrien looked at her, his eyes full of disbelief. “My father?” he asked incredulously. “My father would’ve wanted this? Since when did I give a damn about what <em>my father</em> wants?”</p><p>Both parties were silent again, and Adrien nodded approvingly.</p><p>“Exactly,” he said, and he got back up from the chair and approached the large sliding door that led to a balcony landing. “I don’t care what he wanted, because he only wanted to get something out of me. He <em>used </em>me, and I was his son.” He shook his head, turning back to them. “I may have moved on, but that doesn’t mean I’m back to being his little puppet he can use to put on a show.” He looked back over the city and sighed, “I <em>refuse</em> to do that.”</p><p>“We understand your hesitance, Adrien,” Amelie said, crossing her wrists in front of her. “But maybe consider what exactly you want to do with your life before you go and toss away opportunities that have been laid before you.” She turned away from him, Nathalie staying rooted to her spot as Amelie continued to the door, pausing before she opened it. She turned back to him, watching his back.</p><p>“Not that many people have been blessed with something as good as this, and who knows,” she said, shrugging at him, “Maybe you could do something good with it, since you’re such a bright person and this place desperately needs a light in their darkness right now.”</p><p><em>But who’s going to be my light? </em>Adrien thought, but he kept that thought to himself as Amelie exited the room, and he continued to stare down at the city.</p><p>“Nathalie?” he asked, not looking at her. “What do you think I should do?”</p><p>There was a long pause, and he almost thought that she really had left with Amelie when her voice spoke up again.</p><p>“I think you should do whatever you can to bring glory back to the Agreste name,” she said, her voice carrying emotion.</p><p>Adrien considered that and wondered if it was possible to bring glory back to the name that has haunted and traumatized many lives for many years. Wondered if maybe, he should do it or not, and leave his father’s name to burn with the rest of his ashes.</p><p>But it was his name as well, he was Adrien Agreste, the son of the world-famous fashion designer and the terrorist that attacked the city he loved for so many years.</p><p>And as he stared down from the spot, he felt a cold presence on the back of his neck, and realized that maybe, just maybe, he was standing in the same spot his father once stood. Staring down at the city as he searched for negative emotions, searching for his next victim.</p><p>Adrien stepped away from the window, grimacing at it.</p><p>“Let’s get outta here,” he said, gesturing for Nathalie to follow him.</p><p>They both quickly left, and Adrien couldn’t shake the feeling that something cold and dark was in that office, that something had stirred in the room.</p><p>It was bad feeling, a bad feeling he hasn’t gotten in a long, long time.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thankfully I was able to finish both Chapter 5 and 6 for this week. </p><p>Chapter 6 will be posted Thursday!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Stitches</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Ladybug and Chat have a moment (despite what LB said about "professionalism"), lol there are stitches involved cause poor LB got caught in the cross fire hehe (a professional gives them) and finally, poor Ladybug is touch starved :(</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I swear i meant to give this to you earlier, but i had some technical difficulties. But it's here! Hope you enjoy! :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chapter 6: Stitches</p><p> </p><p>The air was cold, which only added to Chat’s anxiety. The whole day he has been dreading this moment, the first time Chat Noir and Ladybug were coming face to face since Monday, and all he could think about was how much he could mess it up.</p><p>He has always liked joined patrol in the past, considering it was more time to spend with his lady and pursue her like the lovesick teenager he was. Always trying to woe her with flirty pick up lines, compliments, even the nicknames were all part of his plan to make her fall in love with him.</p><p>But now, standing in their usual meeting spot that was all too familiar as he watched Ladybug swing from building to building, making her way to him, he felt the anxiety spike. For once, he was nervous about patrol, because now he had to keep everything, even his emotions inside so that she can be comfortable.</p><p>This was going to be absolute torture.</p><p>Ladybug landed a few yards from him, her eyes noticing him before quickly looking over the city, her gaze cold and focused.</p><p>“We should take the far side first, where the older parts of town are,” she began, her voice sharp in the cold night air. “There has been major criminal activity in that area since we left, so hopefully we can scare the local criminals from trying anything.”</p><p>Chat nodded, watching her, “Yeah, sounds good.”</p><p>That’s when she stepped near the edge and jumped off, using her yo-yo to swing back down the street. Chat followed her, close behind, using his stick to extend and jump to nearby buildings, flying and jumping over chimneys like the agile cat he was.</p><p>They weren’t patrolling for long when they reached the older parts of town, the buildings run down and crooked. There were few lights on, the ones that were flickering as they fought to stay on. Trash cans and bins were spilled over as the two superheroes landed in the middle of the street, looking around at the vacant street.</p><p>“I thought you said this was where all the action was,” Chat said, looking around curiously.</p><p>Ladybug gained a suspicious look on her face, “I’m not wrong, just…” she trailed off, still looking around when suddenly a loud crash made both of them jerk their heads to the right.</p><p>It was a dark alleyway, trash bins and garbage lying on the ground, the darkness so dark it gaped at them like an open wound. There was a small glow at the end of the alleyway, an orange light that gave off an eerie feeling as the light flickered off the walls, like a fire was hiding somewhere.</p><p>It wasn’t until Chat stepped closer that he realized there was a corner at the end of the hallway, through the darkness it was impossible to see, but with his night vision he could see it easily through his cat eyes.</p><p>“What’s down there?” Ladybug asked, stepping next to him so they both faced the alleyway.</p><p>Chat shook his head, “Nothing as far as I can tell, but there’s a corner leading off somewhere. I think there’s a fire going or something.”</p><p>“A fire?” she asked, squinting into the darkness. “I can’t see anything.”</p><p>“I can lead us around the corner with my night vision,” Chat said, looking down at her and trying not to jump out of his skin when she met his eyes. He suddenly felt like he needed to run and hide. “Uh… It’s pretty dark in there, so, if… you know, you want…?” He gave up and offered his hand, raising his eyebrows in question at her.</p><p>She glanced down at his hand once before giving him a look, “I can take care of myself, Chat. I don’t need a babysitter.”</p><p>“I never said you did,” he said, placing his hands behind his back and hiding his hurt from the rejection. He gestured down the hallway, “Ladies first, then.”</p><p>She gave him one last once over before turning back to the dark alleyway, looking in the darkness as a look of hesitation filled her eyes.</p><p>Chat raised an eyebrow, watching her, “Are you gonna go, or—”</p><p>“Just give me a minute,” she snapped, not looking at him.</p><p>He backed off, before glancing down the dark alleyway again. It was pretty dark, without his night vision it must’ve been impossible to look down that alleyway and see the other end of it. No one in their right mind would go down here even if they were armed, it was creepy—</p><p>Chat stopped his train of thought when he realized something, glancing back at Ladybug with a curious and concerned look in his eyes. He watched her lips press together, her hands fidget with the sides of her suit and her knee bobbing in an uneven rhythm as she stared wide eyed down the hallway, anxiety practically dripping off her.</p><p>“Marinette,” he said, catching her attention as she froze at the sound of her name. “Are you scared of the dark?”</p><p>She looked back at him; the answer obvious in her eyes as she spoke the exact opposite of the truth. “No,” she said firmly, before looking back down the alleyway.</p><p>Chat pressed his lips together, forcing himself not to push her. He had no right to anyway, considering they were a “professional” duo now and therefore had to keep each other farther than arm’s length away. She wouldn’t trust him with this vulnerable information anyway, since she “can’t be vulnerable with him.”</p><p>He refused to admit how much that really hurt him.</p><p>He extended his hand to her, the movement catching her attention and she looked down at his welcoming hand, staring at it for a long moment before raising her gaze to meet his.</p><p>Both of them froze when they made eye contact, caught off guard by the look they were giving each other. His gentle and insistent, hers scared and confused.</p><p>“You can’t see in the dark anyway,” he said, finding his voice. “It’ll be easier if you just… hold on to me.”</p><p><em>Hold on to me, </em>he begged.</p><p>He knew she couldn’t hear his thoughts, so he tried to put the unspoken words through his eyes, trying to send her the message that he needed her to hear. He missed her gentle touch, the way her hands seemed to fit perfectly into his, the way her body could curl comfortably into his.</p><p>He <em>needed </em>this, even if it was so he could lead her through the dark.</p><p>Despite not hearing him, she seemed to have gotten the message, her mouth closing in decision. She raised her hand carefully, before sliding her fingertips along his palm then resting her palm against his, and he sighed in relief.</p><p>He looked up at her and studied her face, her eyes staring at their intertwined hands with a confused look on her face. Her shoulders relaxed a little from being tense and her knees stopped bobbing, which only made the confused expression grow more intense as she continued to stare at their hands. </p><p>“You okay?” he asked.</p><p>This seemed to jump her out of her thoughts, and she jerked her head back up and their eyes met again. She looked startled, like she’s been caught in the middle of doing something she wasn’t supposed to be doing.</p><p>“Y-Yeah,” she said, before lowering her gaze and looking to the alleyway. “We should go.”</p><p>He nodded, giving her one final look of concern before turning back to the alleyway. He steeled himself, gripping her hand a little tighter before walking forward, pulling a hesitant Ladybug with him.</p><p>He didn’t like the dark either, but he wasn’t afraid of it like she was. She kept looking around the dark alleyway, trying and failing to hide her trepidation as they slowly made their way through the curtain of darkness. She gripped his hand tighter, like he was the thing that was keeping her grounded while they passed through this territory of fear.</p><p>They rounded the corner and found a long cement alleyway beyond the alleyway they just exited from. It was even more shrouded in darkness, making Chat even more uneasy about following the now brighter flames at the end off the alleyway. They flickered off the walls in orange glowing light from twenty feet away where another corner led to quiet voices that whispered in the dark.</p><p>“What the hell is that?” Ladybug asked, hesitation obvious in her voice.</p><p>“I don’t know,” Chat said, before turning back to her and catching the hesitant look in her eyes. He nodded at her, confirming his own beliefs as he spoke, “You are scared of the dark,” he noted.</p><p>She froze, before slowly bringing her gaze up to his, and deflating. “Yeah… pathetic, isn’t it?”</p><p>He shook his head, speaking gently, “No.”</p><p>She met his eyes again, all professionalism out the window with the look she was giving him now, which was completely undoing him at the seams. Her eyes were soft, hesitant and scared, but also searching for something in him, something she needed from him, but didn’t know how to ask.</p><p>Luckily, he happened to know her so well.</p><p>“It’s okay,” he reassured her, giving her hand another squeeze. “I’ve got you.”</p><p>She stared at him for a long time, before nodding once and turning away, her cheeks flaring up adorably. Chat suppressed the urge to chuckle at her, instead resorting to a fond smile as he squeezed her hand again and pulled her further down the dark alleyway.</p><p>They crept along the walls, pressing their backs up against the walls once they neared the last corner, the flickering orange light reflecting brighter off the walls. Chat slowly peeked around the corner, still holding Ladybug’s hand as he looked at the scene that made his eyes widen.</p><p>There was a fire in the center of the alleyway, beyond that point an opening to the next street. There were about ten to fifteen full grown men and woman ranging from buff to old, but all of them looked fierce with their symbolic tattoos all over their necks, arms, legs, faces, etc. They sat around the large fire, holding beers and laughing, motorcycles up against the walls while they entertained themselves with whatever. Some were playing with cards, some with beer cans or talking with each other quietly, and some just sat around the growing fire, staring into the flames with a bored look in their eyes.</p><p>Chat squinted into the scene at the closest man to him, his back turned to him as he hunched over a beer bottle, sitting in front of the fire. He looked at the back of his neck and saw a large dark tattoo that was barely visible in the dark, but with his night vision he could see it perfectly. It was a tattoo of three small circles all the same size, two on the bottom and one settling on top of the bottom ones in a stacked shape with lines outlining the outsides of the circles, creating a triangle around the circles.</p><p>Chat turned back to Ladybug, who was watching him, waiting for him to speak.</p><p>“I think it’s a gang,” he said, keeping his voice quiet.</p><p>Ladybug’s eyes grew understanding, nodding as she spoke. “Did any of them have a tattoo with three circles inside a triangle?” she asked.</p><p>Chat nodded, surprised. “How did you know?”</p><p>She sighed, “Well, these guys appeared a few weeks after I left the job,” she said, crossing her arms and not meeting his attentive gaze. “They were all over the news, they’re criminals, all from around here,” she said, gesturing around the area. “They claim they are ‘destined to take Ladybug’s place,’ because, when I left, criminal activity spiked and… well, when I couldn’t, they stepped in.” She shook her head, gaining a disgusted look on her face, “I don’t agree with their methods, they don’t have morals or mercy, they punish criminals that break the law—they sometimes murder them when they feel like it.” She sighed, guilt settling over her eyes like a cloud, “Yet another thing I’m responsible for.”</p><p>“Stop,” he said, keeping his voice level when she met his gaze. “It’s not your fault you needed time, okay? Stop blaming yourself for other people’s actions.”</p><p>“Yeah but if I hadn’t left, if I just acted a little stronger than maybe this wouldn’t have happened,” she said, her voicing hissing like she was trying to keep it under control. “People are dead because I couldn’t put the mask back on and get back out there.” She looked down, shaking her head shamefully, “You can’t deny that this is all my fault.”</p><p>“I said stop,” he said firmly, reaching out and cupping her neck gently, surprising her as he lifted her chin with his thumb to meet her gaze. He shook his head at her, “I don’t want you beating yourself up because you made a mistake. You needed that time for <em>you </em>because for once <em>you </em>needed to focus on healing yourself instead of others. You worry so much about other people, you’re so selfless and righteous and fierce when it comes to the city and the people you love. You deserved a break, and you <em>needed </em>a break, some people are just too selfish to recognize that, under the mask, you’re human, and you’re just as fragile as the rest of them.”</p><p>He searched her wide eyes, “You’re strong, Marinette, stronger than anyone I know… but sometimes even the strongest warriors need to lay down their armor so they can heal the wounds already on them before they can continue fighting.” He reached out with his free hand and grabbed her hand, rubbing the top of her hand affectionately, “For once, worry about yourself, because the people that do care about you, are the ones that want you to worry about yourself. Because no one knows you better than yourself.” He smiled gently down at her, “Go easy on yourself, I want you to be gentle with yourself as much as I am with you.” </p><p>Chat felt like he had an out of body experience saying those words, blocking everything out around him and just focusing on the girl in front of him, who was hurting herself with her own words. He hated seeing her do this to herself, blaming herself for things that were out of her control, when it was never her fault. Punishing herself when really, she should be congratulating herself for coming this far and being this powerful, badass superhero, he knew she was.</p><p>He sometimes wished he could give her his eyes, not only to just see in the dark, but so she could see just how highly he thinks of her, just how amazing she is. How much he adores and loves her for who she is, not for what she’s done in the past.</p><p>Yes, she’s made some mistakes, but who hasn’t? They were human to, not just superheroes, people had to stop putting her on this pedestal that she was this perfect being with the ability to make all their problems go away with a few simple words. That pedestal was hurting her, and Chat was willing to tear it down brick by brick so that everyone, including her, could truly see how humanly amazing she was.</p><p>“Chat,” she said, her eyes wide and staring into his. “Chat, I… I have to tell you something.” She gripped his hand harder, her limbs shaking.</p><p>He gave her a concerned look, “Hey, whoa, calm down,” he said, reassuring her by squeezing her hand back. “You know you can tell me anything.”</p><p>She nodded, before looking down, her cheeks flaring up in the flickering light. He watched her patiently, feeling a little giddy that they were sharing an intimate moment when they weren’t supposed to, especially when she was the one that made up the rules.</p><p>She slowly raised her head back up, meeting his gaze with the same wide eyed and nervous look as before, only this time, there was a look of determination in there as well.</p><p>“Chat,” she whispered, and he held his breath with the way she said his name in the very dark alleyway, the orange flickering light bouncing off their figures like a fiery dance.</p><p>“Yes?” he asked, not taking his eyes off hers.</p><p>She reached up with her other hand and placed it on his abs, the contact making him feel lightheaded and dizzy, but he still didn’t look away as she finally spoke.</p><p>“Chat…” she said, leaning closer. “I… I…” she bit her lip, before forcing her trembling lips to move, “I… I-L—LOOK OUT!”</p><p>She suddenly grabbed his shoulders and spun them around, Chat finally catching sight of the tall, scary looking man with a gun pointed at them, his finger on the trigger. He suddenly pulled on the trigger, and the bullet flew out of the barrel, coming straight for them.</p><p>Instinctively, Chat raised his baton and spun it in front of him, protecting Ladybug’s unprotected back and deflecting the bullet off to the side. He pushed her to the side and lunged forward, grabbing the gun and forcing it upwards, just as another bullet escaped the chamber into the air. He ripped the gun from his grasp then punched the man hard in the face, making him slide down the wall unconscious.</p><p>“Well, if it isn’t Paris’ super clowns,” said a voice behind Chat, making him turn around, raising his baton defensively, before realizing, he’s in trouble.</p><p>There were at least twenty to them, all big and burly, men and woman covered in tattoos and leather jackets with ugly sneers on their faces. The fire behind them flickered off their bodies, making them look like silhouettes in the dark alleyway.</p><p>“We haven’t seen you two in a while,” said one of the older men in the front, his big muscles bulging from under his very tight leather jacket. “Where have you two ballerinas been dancing off to?”</p><p>Chat snorted, “Somewhere better than here.”</p><p>A woman with a lot of tattoos and a decent amount of muscles chuckled, stepping forward. “Is that so?” She sneered at him, “Where the hell were you guys when the city was falling apart?”</p><p>Chat didn’t answer, gripping his baton tighter.</p><p>“None of your business,” Ladybug said, stepping up next to him and taking her yo-yo from her belt. “And the only reason this part of Paris is falling apart is because people are terrified of you,” she accused. “People can’t go anywhere on the streets without seeing one of you in their path. You’re scaring the families that live here.”</p><p>“That’s the point,” said another man with a long greying beard. “They should be scared! Being scared is keeping all those criminals from committing illegal acts.”</p><p>“Using fear as a weapon to keep people at bay is <em>wrong,</em>” she said, her voice sharp and clear. “Murdering and threatening criminals doesn’t do anything except making everyone else more afraid of you. Justice will serve them, but the way your portraying justice isn’t just at all!”</p><p>“Justice is getting what you deserve!” someone cried in the crowd. “These criminals are getting what they deserve!”</p><p>“No!” Ladybug shouted at them, “Not like this! This is not how justice works!”</p><p>“Whatever, Ladybug,” said the man in the front again, a cold glare on his face. “At least we didn’t abandon the city for years when we needed you.”</p><p>“My husband is dead because of you!”</p><p>“My son jumped off a building!”</p><p>“My home was burned down!”</p><p>“STOP!” Chat yelled, the anger in his voice silencing everyone in the crowd as he stepped forward. “Don’t you guys realize what you’re doing?! You’re taking the lives of people that have families! Do you really want to put someone else through what you’ve been through?!”</p><p>“Ladybug was supposed to be there to save us! Where was she?!”</p><p>“You guys abandoned us when we needed you most! Now look what you guys have done!”</p><p>“It’s not our fault for other people’s actions!” Chat shouted over the angry voices.</p><p>“You could’ve stopped them!”</p><p>“You abandoned us!”</p><p>“Paris is better off without you!”</p><p>That’s when all hell broke loose, and Ladybug and Chat Noir desperately tried to defend themselves against all the gang members. Being superheroes, they’ve fought off worse than mere people, but these weren’t akumas, they were people that could get injured if they swung, kicked, or punched too hard. No matter how much they screamed and spat in their faces, cursing their names and pointing countless weapons at them, they did not hurt them more than knocking them out or pushing them back.</p><p>Having to hold back was making them lose quickly, and harder to defend themselves against the terrible odds they were facing. With this number of people, there’s no way they could win, even with their super strength and powers, there was only so much they could do.</p><p>Chat staggered backwards as a large man shoved his baton back, making him almost lose his balance. He ducked down as another man tried to swing at him, but he swung his leg and swept him off his feet. He got up and roundhouse kicked a man in the face, making him stumble into two large woman and they fell on the ground hard.</p><p>He leaned back as a knife flew right by his face and bouncing off the wall next to him, and he extended his baton at the thrower, a buff woman, and tripped her fast enough that her head hit the wall and she slumped to the ground, unconscious.</p><p>The same man that had shoved him came into his vision a split second before he raised his baton in defense, the man grabbing onto it and pushing hard against him. Chat’s feet slipped backwards slightly, and he regained his footing before retracting his baton quickly, the unbalanced man stumbling forward as he stepped out of the way, and then used his foot to shove him forward. The man stumbled forward, before slamming his face into one of the trash bins and he fell to the ground unconscious.</p><p>He heard a familiar frustrated shout and jerked his head in the opposite direction.</p><p>Ladybug had been shoved against a wall, her hands clasped with the huge man that was attacking her, trying to force him back. But with no traction on her feet and no momentum, all she could do was hold him back with her strength.</p><p>“Ladybug!” he called, before having to duck as a large man threw a wooden chair at him, smashing it to pieces against the wall as Chat kicked hard and knocked him to the wall, before socking him in the face, knocking him out cold.</p><p>He turned back just as Ladybug cried out in anger, shoving the man off her and kicking him away, shoving him hard against the opposite wall.</p><p>Chat felt relieved for a moment before a very buff black hair woman attacked him with outstretched arms. He grabbed her hands, before twisting his torso, making her fly to the side and he brought her down hard to the ground, knocking the wind out of her while still holding her wrists. She curled in on herself and gave up on fighting him.</p><p>He returned to a defense stance, before he realized that no one else was attacking him, most of the gang lying around him in choruses of groans or completely still from being knocked out.</p><p>He grinned, and returned his attention to Ladybug, who was also standing in her ready stance, waiting for the next attack that never came, and she finally came to notice this. She relaxed her stance and straightened, turning her gaze to Chat who started walking towards her.</p><p>Suddenly, one of the guys that was lying on the ground behind her got up, something shiny and small in his hand as he charged her.</p><p>“Ladybug! Behind you!” Chat shouted, running forward.</p><p>Ladybug jerked around just as the shiny blade the man was holding slashed upwards in a sickening <em>shing!</em></p><p>Ladybug cried out, stumbling backwards while holding the front of her neck. She stumbled into the motorcycles, losing her balance and falling all over them as she and the motorcycles fell hard to the ground in a loud crash.</p><p>The man that attacked her noticed Chat Noir approaching, and he bolted backwards, running down the alleyway and out of sight all to quickly for him to be caught, even if Chat wanted to go after him.</p><p>Chat dropped to his knees near Ladybug, a motorcycle pinning one of her legs under it as she struggled to get it off her, a cut just above her collar of her suit that dripped blood down her skin.</p><p>“Ow, <em>ow</em>!” she cried out as she tried to move her leg out from under the machine.</p><p>“Hey, hey, stop moving, I’ve got it,” Chat said, before grabbing the handlebars and lifting it off her with a grunt and shoving it off to the side. He turned back to her, her back pressed against one of the other motorcycle’s motors and her hand holding the cut on her neck, her eyes closed and panting.</p><p>“Hey, c’mere,” he said, taking her other hand as her eyes met his again. He pulled her to a sitting position, before sliding his arms under her, lifting her in his arms. Wanting to leave the scene, he walked down the way the guy that slashed Ladybug’s face went, but as he did so, cop cars appeared out of nowhere, flashing red and blue lights blinding both of them.</p><p>“Ladybug? Chat Noir?” One of the police officers said as he got out of his car and approached them, surveying the scene of injured gang members.</p><p>Chat, knowing Ladybug felt awkward in his arms like this, gently set her back on her feet, her leaning on his shoulder instead as she hovered her injured leg above the ground. He turned back to the officer.</p><p>“These men are part of a gang that’s been terrorizing this part of town,” Chat said, gesturing around him. “They are trying to take Ladybug’s place as ‘protectors’ of the city since she and I… momentarily retired for a while.”</p><p>The officer nodded, “Right, the Gubydal gang,” he sighed, “We’ve been having problems with them for years, barely bringing in any of them at a time.” He shook his head, “Their name is just ‘Ladybug’ backwards,” he huffed, “Suits them, since they are pretty backwards folk.”</p><p>Chat nodded and gestured back at the groaning men and woman, “I don’t believe this is all of them, and I saw one of them get away after injuring Ladybug. I couldn’t go after him,” he sighed, feeling slightly guilty, “He might be long gone by now.”</p><p>The officer waved him off, “It’s fine, Chat Noir, we’ll catch him sooner or later, besides,” he looked back into the dark alleyway with a grin on his face. “You did us a great help getting most of these guys off the streets anyway, a lot of lives were saved tonight.” He turned to Ladybug with a gentle smile, “Welcome back, Ladybug. There’s an ambulance just over there to help with your injuries.” He nodded at both of them before pulling handcuffs from behind him, “Thank you, both of you.”</p><p>They both nodded as he and several other officers walked past them and entered the scene, handcuffing the conscious gang members first.</p><p>Chat turned back to Ladybug, who met his eyes halfway.</p><p>“You didn’t go after him?” she asked him, catching him off guard.</p><p>He furrowed his eyebrows at her, “You were hurt.”</p><p>“He could be hurting someone right now, you know,” she said, gesturing the way the man disappeared. She removed her hand from her neck, her vibrating voice and the lack of pressure making the wound open more as blood spilled down her neck.</p><p>“Stop talking,” he said, interrupting her by carefully wiping some blood away from her neck, avoiding the cut. “You’re making yourself bleed.”</p><p>She rolled her eyes, “I’m fine Chat, c’mon, let’s get out of here.”</p><p>She started to turn away, but Chat caught her wrist, forcing her to stop and look back at him.</p><p>“Ladybug,” he said gently, holding her gaze. “Take care of yourself.”</p><p>She stared at him for a long moment, her fist unclenching under his wrist as she took a deep breath, and let Chat lead her over to the ambulance, limping and holding her cut.</p><p>He stood by the doors while Ladybug sat in the doorway in the back of the ambulance, a female paramedic sweetly talking to her as she cleaned up her wound to look at it better.</p><p>“It’s not that big but it’s pretty deep, unfortunately,” she said, pulling away and throwing away the cotton balls she was using. “We’re lucky it didn’t hit a big vein or something, it looked more like he stabbed you a little bit rather than slashed you, but… you’re gonna need stitches.”</p><p>Ladybug glanced at Chat before back at the paramedic, “Really?”</p><p>The paramedic nodded, a look of sympathy in her eyes, “I know, I’m sorry, but if you want it to heal as fast as possible, stitches is the best way.” She gestured inside the ambulance, “I’m past the highest EMT level, which just means I can stitch wounds on sight. Considering you two are superheroes and it would be a little complicated to get you inside a hospital,” she shrugged, “I could stitch you up here, if you want.”</p><p>Ladybug looked at Chat again, a question in her eyes.</p><p>He shrugged, “It’s your call.”</p><p>She bit her lip, before sighing. “Let’s get this over with.”</p><p>The woman nodded, “Okay, if you could just sit back in the bed, I have to go grab my gloves from the front.”</p><p>“Um,” Ladybug said, stopping the woman in her tracks. “Could he stay?” she asked, pointing at Chat.</p><p>The paramedic glanced at Chat before smiling, “Of course.” Then she disappeared around the corner.</p><p>Ladybug glanced at him once before getting up and into the ambulance, Chat close behind her. She sat on the bed and watched as he climbed into the seat next to her, leaning forward on his knees.</p><p>“This your first-time getting stitches?” he asked her. </p><p>She snorted, “Being who I am under the mask, what do you think?”</p><p>He smiled fondly at her, “I’m guessing not.”</p><p>She shook her head, “No,” she said, sighing. “I just don’t like sharp things.”</p><p>He nodded, images flashing in his mind of her bleeding in his arms. “Yeah,” he said, pushing it out of his mind. “I can understand that.”</p><p>They ceased their talking when the paramedic appeared around the corner again, stepping up into the ambulance with a box of gloves in her hand.</p><p>“Okay, Ladybug, my name is Julie, and I’m going to be cleaning your wound again with some alcohol and cotton balls, before I start with the needle and thread. Have you ever gotten stitches before?” she asked.</p><p>“A few times,” Ladybug said.</p><p>“So, you understand not to move, or I could hurt you?” she asked.</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>“Excellent,” Julie said, before gesturing at her with a swirl of her finger. “I need you to turn to the side a little bit so I can see the wound.”</p><p>Ladybug nodded, before shifting around, until her sides faced Chat and Julie.</p><p>Julie poured some alcohol on some cotton balls before cleaning up the skin around the wound, making Ladybug hiss a few times when she accidentally got too close.</p><p>“Okay, time for the thread and needle, I just need—” Julie looked around her, a look of confusion on her face. “Jiminy crickets! I left my stitch kit up in the front seat!” she glanced between Chat and Ladybug. “I just need a minute to go grab it, be right back!” With that, Julie scooted out the back of the ambulance and disappeared around the corner again.</p><p>Chat looked back at Ladybug, who sat there with her arms crossed at her chest and her eyes closed, her teeth gnawing at her bottom lip.</p><p>“You okay?” he asked her.</p><p>She opened her eyes and looked at him, before looking down. “Yeah, just… not looking forward to it.”</p><p>He glanced down at her tense arms and her worried eyes, her knee bobbing nervously against the bed.</p><p>“I can hold your hand if you want,” he said, meeting her eyes.</p><p>She stilled, staring at him for a long moment. She opened her mouth to answer when Julie appeared back around the corner, climbing back into the ambulance. She sat down next to Ladybug and went through the procedure again, explaining what she was going to do while putting a nose and mouth mask on. Since it was a pretty deep cut but it was a small one, the stitching should only take a few minutes</p><p>Finally, she pulled a needle out with some thread and put the thread through the eye of the needle and leaned closer to Ladybug, pushing the flaps of skin together and then delicately pressing the needle into her skin.</p><p>Ladybug lightly gasped and grabbed the side handles, her mouth contorting as she tried her best to stay still and not shy away from the needle.</p><p>Chat watched her while pressing his fists to his lips, hating that she’s in pain. He reached out to her and grabbed one of her hands, holding it between both of his and letting her squeeze the life out of his fingers. She was handling it very well, not moving too much which made it go by a lot faster. It had only been three minutes before Julie leaned back and pulled her gloves and mask off.</p><p>“Okay! You did awesome, Ladybug, thanks for cooperating! Now I’ll put a bandage over the stitches that’ll keep them from getting infected,” Julie said, smiling at her. “These are dissolvable stitches, and considering how small the cut is, they should disappear in a week or two.” She turned to Chat with a thankful smile, “Thank you for holding her hand, she relaxed a little bit when you did.”</p><p>Chat glanced at Ladybug, who looked away with a blushing face and he smiled fondly. “Anytime.”</p><p>After that, Julie checked Ladybug’s leg, and confirmed her hip was a little tweaked and that she should take it easy when she got home, but that it should be fine as long as she doesn’t do too much activity. Other than that, and the stitches, Ladybug was fine and Julie waved goodbye to them as they walked away, Chat half carrying her weight before sweeping her up in his arms and jumping back into the cold night of Paris.</p><p>.             .             .</p><p>Ladybug tucked her face more into Chat’s neck, feeling pathetic and small in his arms, but also warm and comfortable. He was fast, running across the rooftops at high speeds as he made his way towards anywhere, anywhere away from prying eyes that could see them.</p><p>Her neck hurt, the stitches from earlier making her head throb slightly, but it wasn’t anything she couldn’t handle.</p><p>They found themselves at the top of the Eiffel Tower, the breeze cold and sharp against their skin, their suits doing little for them against the cold night air.</p><p>Chat gently placed her on her feet again, and Ladybug was able to steady herself enough to stand on her own, putting more weight in her uninjured hip as to keep from hurting herself again.</p><p>“You good?” he asked, still holding her waist while standing in front of her.</p><p>She shifted one last time, testing her hip again and when it didn’t scream in pain as she put a little more weight, she nodded in answer to his question.</p><p>“Yeah, I’m good,” she said, looking up at him and waiting for him. “Chat?”</p><p>“Yeah?” he asked.</p><p>“You can let go of me now,” she said, pulling her hands off his shoulders.</p><p>“Oh,” he said, hesitantly taking his hands off her and backing up, scratching the back of his neck. “Right. Sorry.”</p><p>She nodded at him, before turning back to the city, absentmindedly she reached up and picked at her bandage, her skin itching from the stickiness.</p><p>“You shouldn’t pick at that,” Chat said, stepping forward once. “You don’t want it to start bleeding again.”</p><p>She looked at him before dropping her hand to her side again, “You’re right.” She carefully stepped further away, her back facing him as she cast her gaze over the city again.</p><p>She could feel the tension between them, maybe even more suffocating than it was four nights ago, when she broke both of their hearts. She hated this so much, she hated how badly she wanted to run to him and just collapse in his arms. She hated how good it would feel for him to just hold her while she broke down, crying out how much she needed and missed him, how much she hated the distance between them then and now.</p><p>She also hated how much she despised him, no matter how much she wanted to deny it, she was angry with him. She was livid with him, which was confusing for her. She’s been so easily angered with him lately and she has no idea why. She’s trying to hold back her anger, trying to filter it through her system because she doesn’t want to feel like this anymore.</p><p>She hated being angry with him, because he was one of the people she missed the most these past years, because he was so out of touch and so far away, so impossible to reach.</p><p>And he left her.</p><p>He left her alone, to deal with this thing she’s been fighting with for so long, the nights long with the nightmares and even longer when she couldn’t sleep, and she punished herself for it.</p><p>Maybe she just missed him, and that’s why she’s angry. Like how she missed him right now when he was standing only a few feet behind her.</p><p>She couldn’t explain her emotions even if she wanted to. They were all too complicated to explain anyway.</p><p><em>I guess things just get more complicated when you love someone</em>, her mind attacked her suddenly, and she had to resist the urge to curl in on herself. Because underneath all the hate and all the anger she felt for him, there was an even worse emotion. An emotion she’s been wrestling with for years, a longing that burned hotter than her anger ever had.</p><p>An emotion she can’t let herself feel, can’t open up to, or everything will hurt even more when it’s all ripped away from her.</p><p>She cannot open up to him, no matter how much she wanted him to hold her heart with his gentle hands, no matter how much she wanted to let herself drown in the feeling of him.</p><p>No matter how much she yearned for him, <em>she cannot. </em></p><p>“Marinette?” Chat said, jolting her out of her thoughts. “Are you still hurting?”</p><p>She had to remember just what he was referring to because, at the moment, a lot of things were hurting at the moment, when she remembered that her hip and head were hurting.  </p><p>Her heart was too busy crying out to him that she forgot about the pain on the outside of her body.</p><p>She refused to face him, too scared if she let herself look at him, she might break down in front of him, and she can’t let herself do that. He would ask questions, gently tug the answers out of her like they were as fragile as a glass of water that would shatter if you dropped it. She knew if she dropped her guard with him, which would be so easy to do, there would be no holding back her tongue as the many confusing confessions spilled from her lips.</p><p>
  <em>I hate you. I love you. I hate you. I love you. I love you. Chat, I love you. </em>
</p><p>She shook her head; her emotions didn’t make sense to her either.</p><p>She hadn’t noticed Chat creeping up behind her until his breath bounced off the back of her head, making her eyes grow wide in alarm as she inhaled lightly.</p><p><em>If he touches me, </em>she thought, closing her eyes and starting to pray, not exactly sure what she was praying for. <em>I am going to lose it. </em></p><p>“Marinette…” his voice was so soft, so gentle it sent a chill down her spine as she struggled not to give in to his tempting warmth. She wanted it <em>so bad </em>it hurt, it physically felt like her heart was being ripped out of her chest she so <em>wanted</em> it.</p><p>She wanted his fingertips to gently touch her, to send a pleasant warmth through her body she hasn’t felt since she was eighteen, since before she <em>died. </em></p><p>It took everything in her not to ask him, reaching up and holding her hands tightly to her chest, her arms shaking from the effort of not opening her mouth and speaking.</p><p>“Hey,” he said, barely above a whisper. “Hey, it’s only me.” His voice was tempting, and she was drawn to it like a magnet. She nearly imploded when he spoke his next words.</p><p>“Are you okay with me touching you?” he asked, his voice concerned. “I won’t do anything weird… but I have a very strong need to hug you right now.” He paused, shifting behind her, “I have a feeling I’m not the only one who needs it to.”</p><p>She closed her eyes, struggling for an answer. She doesn’t know what to choose, her mind screamed at her not to give in, to stay strong, that by keeping him at a distance was keeping him safe. After everything that’s happened in the past, she can’t lose him like she’s lost everyone else.</p><p>She. Just. <em>Can’t. </em></p><p>But then there was her heart… her heart that was crying out to him, screaming so loud and begging him to hear her.</p><p>She <em>missed </em>him.</p><p>“I-It’s okay,” she said, her voice shaking. “Y-You can touch me, Chat…”</p><p>There was a long pause where nothing happened.</p><p>“Please,” she said, trying to keep her voice as level as possible.</p><p>There was a long pause again, and Chat shifted behind her.</p><p>“Okay,” he said, his voice a whisper. “Okay, Princess.”</p><p>It’s been a while since she’s heard the nick name, and it felt good to hear it. She thought it was going to be the warmth that lasted her throughout the night.</p><p>But as he gently took her hand from behind, she caught her breath and the warm feeling exploded in her chest, spreading throughout her entire body. He gently stroked his thumb against her knuckles and the warmth intensified, his touch burning a hole through her suit.</p><p>She doesn’t remember his touch feeling this good.</p><p>She felt something press against the back of her head and she stilled, wondering what he was doing before she realized he had placed his forehead against the back of her head. His breath was warm and tickled the hairs on her neck, making her shiver slightly against him.</p><p>He stepped closer and wrapped his other arm around the front of her waist, pulling her into him until her entire back pressed against his touch and she closed her eyes, feeling the warmth spreading again. She pressed her hand to her mouth, her lips trembling as she struggled to hold the wave back, a wave that would break down her walls and spill everywhere.</p><p>She wanted to spill over.</p><p>She wanted to be vulnerable with him again, like how she used to be.</p><p>It would be so easy to just collapse and let her walls crumble before her, to let him in and see her for how truly broken and lonely she was without him. How much she needed him to see her, how much her heart cried out to him, desperately asking him to breath life into her once again.</p><p>Because, in ever moment she has spent without him, she has been dying, slowly, over and over again.</p><p>But…</p><p>She couldn’t.</p><p>She can’t. He could get hurt. She’s too <em>broken for him. </em></p><p>“Marinette…” his voice was in her ear and she whimpered, shutting her eyes tightly together as she fought against the wave that threatened to completely shatter her.</p><p>“Please…”</p><p>He was<em> there</em>.</p><p>“…open up to me…”</p><p>He could <em>help her</em>.</p><p>“…I’ll hold you when you need me…”</p><p>He could <em>heal her</em>.</p><p>“…I’ve got you…”</p><p>…</p><p>…But she could <em>break him. </em></p><p>She sobbed once, “Chat…” She shook her head, looking down as the tears fell down her face. “Chat… I can’t…”</p><p>There was a silence, a long, painful, excruciating silence.</p><p>Then—</p><p>“Why not?” he asked, his voice full of hurt.</p><p>She squeezed her eyes together, “I… I can’t tell… you.”</p><p>Another long pause.</p><p>“What did I do?” He asked, his voice gentle. “What can I do to make it better?”</p><p>She was silent for a long moment, trying to make sense of the thoughts she was rummaging around with in her brain. She wanted him to make it better, she even believed he could, considering he was her kind, gentle, and caring partner that she knew she would do anything for.</p><p>Besides opening up for him, because doing that would hurt him and she can’t hurt him, not after everyone she’s hurt in the past.</p><p>He sighed sadly, before speaking again. “Do you not care about me?” he asked quietly, still holding her close to him.</p><p>This question made her furious, and she jumped out of his arms and pointed at him, the tears still pouring down her face as her sobs threatened to overtake her.</p><p>“I never said that!” she cried, her voice shrill and full of pain. “I never said I don’t care about you, Chat! Of <em>course </em>I care about you, I care about you more than I ever thought I could! But—but I can’t act like it or else—because you—because I—” she stopped, catching herself in her next words, the words hanging off her tongue, threatening to spill over.</p><p>The words hung in the air, both of them scared of what they could mean. He was scared that it might mean what he’s always hoped for, what he’s always prayed for from her, the only thing he’s ever asked from the universe. But he was scared of it because of how much it was affecting her… if this is what she was feeling.</p><p>She was terrified that if she said them, she could ruin whatever future he has, ruin whatever they had in the future, all because of these three little words she didn’t dare say.</p><p>Because if she said them, she’d make them real, and making them real could ruin <em>everything. </em></p><p>“Wh-What?” Chat asked, faltering a little bit as he stared at her. “What… what were you going to say?”</p><p>She stared at him for a long moment before turning away, “I…” she said, her voice barely audible over the breeze. “I… I do care about you, Chat, but… I can’t… show… you…” she said, her voice breathy as she struggled to control her emotions, feeling her anxiety rising, her panic threatening her sanity at the moment.</p><p>If she didn’t get away now, he would witness her starting to panic.</p><p>“Why not?” he asked, after a long moment.</p><p>Ladybug looked away from him, closing her eyes. “I can’t tell you,” she said, hurt in her voice as she looked back at him, “I’m sorry.” She started to back away from him, afraid if she touched him or got too close, he would shatter.</p><p>“Marinette—”</p><p>“I have to go, Chat,” she said, turning away and taking her yo-yo from her belt. She paused, before turning back to him, her own pain reflecting his own. “Goodnight… Kitty,” she said, before throwing her yo-yo out over the city, and disappearing from sight.</p><p>She may have been too afraid to shatter him if she got to close…</p><p>But she didn’t know that what did shatter him, was that she disappeared right before he built up the courage to say what they both needed to hear.</p><p>But those words shattered in the wind, along with both of the superheroes’ hearts that night.</p><p>And no number of stitches could sew back the shattered and empty pieces of their hearts that scattered on the floor…</p><p>Broken.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thanks for reading! Hope you guys enjoyed! </p><p>Next update (hopefully) coming Tuesday!</p><p>Also, i did my best with the emergency and medical stuff, but i'm no medic, feel free to correct me in the comments!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Oceans</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>One word: Marichat</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>WARNING: THERE IS SELF-HARM IN THIS CHAPTER. PLEASE BE WARNED.<br/>Enjoy :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chapter 7: Oceans</p><p> </p><p>Everything around her was blurry. The walls, the pictures, the color and most of all, her vision. Something wavy and clear flooding her vision like a tidal wave, threatening to drown her in the deepest part of her mind, the place where only her darkest thoughts lived. This was the place she has lived in for years, and she was so used to it that she went in there daily. Sometimes it’s intentional, like how the only way she can get rid of the pain was to feel the pain for a longer time. It doesn’t make a lick of sense to her, but all that she knew was that it “worked” but didn’t “work” at the same time.</p><p>When it isn’t her intention to go to this dark place, it’s completely unexpected. The dark thoughts she feels and the slowly burning hot desire to feel something other than this emotionally draining depression that lives inside her. All the darkness completely shrouding her like a heavy cloud the blocks out the sun and keeps the sun out of sight, forcing her to live a cloudy day without any light.</p><p>All of this went through her head as she stumbled into the all too familiar place, white walls, washable floors and running water. This was the perfect place to be in her darkest moments, where she could turn the tub water on, make everyone think she’s taking a shower when really… she’s breaking on the floor.</p><p>This anxiety inducing, anger rising and sadness deepening feeling that was inside her, that was burning a hole in her heart like wax against her skin, slowly peeling away her soft skin that has done nothing wrong except keep her living this long…</p><p>It was painful, and her skin screamed at her for doing such a thing.</p><p>There was blood on the bathroom floor from where she sat, delicately holding her cut wrist in her other hand while closing her eyes and leaning her head against the door. She was curled up with her back pressed against the door as she felt the crimson liquid drip down her arm, adding to the numerous scars already on her wrist.</p><p>It was dark, the little white nightlight plugged into the wall and casting ghostly shadows along the floor and walls. The water in the bathtub was running, going down the open drain immediately and creating a loud noise that she knew was echoing around the apartment.</p><p>Being back in her own home, she was now alone with Tikki, and she usually is really good at keeping all this from her little friend, along with anybody else who was there, which there wasn’t at the moment.</p><p>She never liked to talk about it, even when almost everyone who still cared about her knew about it. It wasn’t like she was an open book, in fact, she was the exact opposite. The last time she let someone help her or see her for the first time, her darker half breaking the surface right in front of somebody, it didn’t end well. That’s why she kept this to herself, because at the end of the day, if she can keep this too herself until she was completely alone to deal with it, than she can suffer the consequences of holding this in as long as no one else got hurt.</p><p>Because, well, she was the one that was hurting everyone around her by being open about it. Everyone was in less pain when she kept it all in, she had figured that out a long time ago.</p><p>Her mind suddenly flashed to gentle green eyes and a black mask and she had to cover her mouth to keep herself from sobbing.</p><p>The last thing she wanted was to hurt him, and by keeping him at a distance was keeping him safe. Safe away from the madness in her mind that screamed at her to open up, yet her other half told her to keep it in, unless she wanted to hurt him.</p><p>She almost told him tonight that she… that she…</p><p>She can’t get out the words, only that the “need” for him, was so much stronger than anything mental or physical.</p><p>It was the kind of need she felt that called out to him painfully, the voice in her head screaming in agony at her loneliness. The screams pounding in her head like a loud, shrill and high-pitched guitar string that has been pulled too tightly. The kind of need that begged him to hold her, to chase the nightmares away, to hold her while she slept so for once she could feel safe in her dreams.</p><p>The fact that in his arms, under his touch and in his vision were the only places she felt safe in this dark mind of hers only hurt her more. Because she knew that she needed him there, she needed him to touch her again, because his very fingertips, his gentle touches and careful eyes that studied her gently, was what she needed.</p><p>But she can’t.</p><p>Because she was keeping him safe that way.</p><p>And keeping him safe was the only thing keeping her grounded.</p><p>After Marinette’s rapid heartbeat calmed down and her panic slowly slipped off her, she took a deep breath after the light headedness her panicked breathing had caused her. She pushed herself off the floor and looked up into the mirror, disapproving the unrecognizable ghostly figure in the reflection as the dark liquid changed directions and ran down her arm to the floor.</p><p>It’s funny how, even after she’s done hurting herself, she flicks the light back on, squinting from the brightness of the white room and turned the water off. She reached under the sink and pulled out her first aid kit, setting it on the counter and pulling it open. She took out some gauze and wrap, cleaning wipes and Neosporin. She carefully cleaned the four, bloody cuts on her wrist, each one of them gaping and bleeding heavily.</p><p>She pressed a warm cloth to her cuts, whimpering a little at the pressure but used to it by now as the blood slowly soaked into the cuts. When they slowed their bleeding, she removed the cloth and used one of the alcohol wipes to clean the bloodied skin around her cuts. She carefully rubbed some Neosporin over her cuts, sighing from the relief it brought, then covered her wounds with gauze and using tape to hold the gauze there. She grabbed a thin red hoodie off the counter and slipped it over her head, careful to avoid her newly wrapped wrist.</p><p>When she finished, she used some Clorox wipes to clear the little droplets of blood on the floor and counter, making sure not to miss any spots that could potentially give away what she had been doing in here. After she finished, she finally opened the door and stepped back into the hallway, closing the door behind her while turning off the light again.</p><p>Her entire apartment was dark, which gave her a very eerie feeling as she walked through the dark. Since she was afraid of the dark, terrified of it actually, she had to force herself to walk to the dimly lit kitchen, where she started making some tea.</p><p>She wasn’t always afraid of the dark, she actually used to love it. She used to love sitting out on her balcony and looking up at the starry night sky, the late-night noises of Paris echoing in her ears. But now, with the terrible nightmares and the traumatizing scenes she sees in them, she hates it and terrified of it.  </p><p>But since it was her apartment, her door locked and her curtains pulled shut, she wasn’t as terrified as she was slightly creeped out. The moonlight floating around the room like a ghost, creating the perfect setting for a monster to jump out at her and scare her half to death.</p><p>
  <em>Creak. </em>
</p><p>Marinette whipped around, almost flinging her mug full of hot tea across the room as she looked around the room, her eyes wide. Nothing had moved, the several little things on her counter laying in the moonlight like nothing had happened. The shadows on the floor casted by the moonlight not moving or indicating anything was wrong.</p><p>But it was the feeling that creeped her out.</p><p>“H-Hello?” She called out; her voice shaky from fear. “Is there anyone there?”</p><p>No one answered.</p><p>She gulped nervously, before stepping forward hesitantly, looking around the room with a newfound trepidation. Still, nothing seemed out of the ordinary or weird that might make her suspicious.</p><p>Except when she turned to the side, the window behind the couch was wide open, slid upwards so the wind blew in, making the curtains dance along with the gentle night breeze.</p><p>She was about to pass out from fear when someone said—</p><p>“Marinette.”</p><p>She yelped and whipped around, only to find both a welcoming and terrifying sight.</p><p>Chat Noir’s green eyes stared back at her, wide and guilty as he stood a few feet from her as he watched her slowly come down from freaking out.</p><p>“Chat?” She said, placing a hand over her beating heart. “What the hell?!”</p><p>“I’m sorry!” he said, the guilt showing in his eyes. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”</p><p>“Well,” she said, taking a breath and giving him a look. “You definitely failed at that.”</p><p>He nodded, “I know,” he said, looking down. “Truly, I didn’t mean to scare you… are you okay?”</p><p>She closed her mouth and looked away, unable to answer that question. It was too much of a confusing and emotional night to even try answering that question for herself. The long answer was that she needed to do these things to herself to keep herself from exploding. To keep herself grounded and solid, so that she could keep getting up in the morning, even thought it’s sometimes the last thing she feels like doing.</p><p>The short answer? No, she wasn’t.</p><p>“I’m okay,” she lied, daring to look back at him. She decided to redirect the conversation, seeing as this one won’t go anywhere. “Why are you here?”</p><p>He shifted on his feet, not meeting her eyes. “I had a feeling.”</p><p>“A feeling?” she asked, confused. “Like what?”</p><p>For a long moment he didn’t say anything, instead staring down at his feet like his head was being weighed down by a block of cement. He finally raised his gaze up to her, and the blue clashing with green sent a spark in the air that made Marinette suddenly feel like she needed to sit down.</p><p>“Like I needed to be here,” he said, his voice quiet and hesitant. “I… I don’t know, I just…” he trailed off, struggling to find the words that were tongue twisting him. “I just felt like you needed me.”</p><p>She furrowed her eyebrows, “Of course I need you, we’re Ladybug and Chat Noir.” She spoke almost automatically, “I need you to help me fight what threatens our city, I know for sure I can’t do this on my own—”</p><p>“What about Marinette?” Chat interrupted her, meeting her eyes.</p><p>Marinette faltered, caught off guard. “Wh-What?”</p><p>He stared at her for a long time, before stepping forward, not too close, but not too far.</p><p>“What about you?” he asked, searching her eyes for something she didn’t know of. “Does Marinette need me?”</p><p>She was silent a long time, looking away and shutting her eyes, holding back a wave she so desperately wanted to let flood out of her.</p><p>Chat shifted and sighed, making her look back at him. He was shaking his head, a look of anguish in his eyes as he watched her, but also a look of impatience was behind those usually patient eyes.</p><p>“I can’t do this anymore,” he said.</p><p>She faltered again, “Can’t do what?”</p><p>“This,” he said, gesturing between them. “I can’t have this tension living between us any longer.”</p><p>She looked down, “Chat—”</p><p>“No,” he said, stepping closer again, still not too close. “No, you need to tell me what’s going on with you.” He shook his head at her, “I get that you’re mad and you don’t trust me anymore, but I can’t stand to see you hurting and I can’t do anything about it.” His eyes studied her, before growing soft again, “I’m here, Marinette, so <em>please,” </em>he begged, “Open up to me, and I’m willing to listen.”</p><p>She didn’t say anything, only staring up at him in disbelief, her eyes wider than saucers as she tried her best to speak anything, but the words wouldn’t come out of her mouth, and she struggled to let her voice speak just a little bit.</p><p>Chat stepped closer to her, hesitantly reaching out to her, “Hey,” he said, his voice a whisper. “Hey, look at me.”</p><p>She slowly raised her gaze to him, almost caving from the way he was looking at her.</p><p>“I’m here,” he said, closing the gap until only a foot was between them and outstretching his hand. “Take my hand,” he said, his voice gentle. “It might make it easier.”</p><p>It sounded more like a question than a statement, like he was hesitant of her touching him. He had this look in his eyes that said he was scared she might hit him or something, and the thought of even hurting him disgusted her. His gentle and kind spirit was the very thing making her cave and undo herself, making her feel lightheaded from the foreign kindness.</p><p>It’s been a while since someone showed her this amount of kindness.</p><p>It felt good.</p><p>She looked down at his outstretched hand, confused by its welcoming sight. His black gloved hand was settled between them, resting in front of her abdomen as he waited for her patiently.</p><p>
  <em>Thank you for holding her hand, she relaxed a little bit when you did. </em>
</p><p>She was terrified of hurting him, knowing that when she let someone in, they could get hurt or she could get hurt. She wouldn’t do anything that could risk him getting hurt, <em>wouldn’t </em>let anything hurt him.</p><p>She loved him too much to let anything like that happen.</p><p>But there was also the aching in her heart that begged for him to see her, to see that she was suffering. To reach out and take her tiny, shaking body in his arms and crush her against his own body, holding her so tight she couldn’t breathe. She could literally feel the same ache in her chest emanating off of him, the same hurt and agony screaming behind his eyes.</p><p>But he held himself back, held himself back from invading her space. Because he respected her more than his own needs. He knew better than to invade her privacy, unless that’s what she needed.</p><p>And… right now, she <em>needed him. </em></p><p>Gulping nervously, she raised her hesitant hand in the air, meeting his patient gaze with her own trepidation in her eyes.</p><p>“It’s okay,” he said, his voice low and calm. “I’ll wait.”</p><p>She stared at him for the longest time, her fingertips hovering over the palm of his hand in a frozen moment. In that moment, a lot of anxiety and fear crossed her chest, a feeling that was so different than her usual panic or anxiety attacks. This didn’t feel like another flashback, God forbid, instead it felt more like something was gnawing at her heart, eating away the last bit of her walls she built up over the years.</p><p>She almost fell over when she realized what it was.</p><p>Desperation.</p><p>Carefully, she sunk her hand into his, keeping herself from catching her breath as she let her fingers wrap around his hand. She felt as if something was melting inside her, her resolve to keep everything back from crumbling as her walls slowly dissolved.</p><p>She realized, as she tried to keep from crumbling, that this wasn’t her crumbling, this wasn’t her breaking…</p><p>This was the relief she was feeling as Chat slowly, with only a gaze, tore down her walls, brick by brick.</p><p>And it felt <em>good. </em></p><p>Her face contorted and she looked down, just as the floodgates opened and tears started spilling down her cheeks, falling with small little patters on the floorboards. She didn’t want to break down hard, if he was willing to wait for her as she crumbled, then she wanted to crumble slowly. She wanted to dissolve like the walls coming down in her heart, like the blockade keeping anyone from coming in, like the storm slowly dissipating in her eyes.</p><p>She sobbed loudly, her entire body starting to shake as she tightened her fingers around his hand, wanting to step closer to him but forcing herself not to.</p><p>He shushed her gently, placing his other hand over hers and stroking her knuckles. “Breath, Marinette. Just breath, okay?”</p><p>The anxiety rose in her chest, the desperation in her throat building like a tightness that couldn’t be swallowed. Her breathing pattern quickened, and she suddenly felt light-headed, like she might fall over and start convulsing.</p><p>“Hey, whoa, whoa,” Chat said, stepped closer to her and leaning down to her eye level. “Marinette, you need to calm down.”</p><p>She placed a hand on her chest, the pain intensifying. “C-Chat, I-I think I’m—”</p><p>“I know,” he said, watching her. “I know, I see you, okay?”</p><p>She whimpered in pain, squeezing her eyes shut as her heart broke in her chest over and over again, a pain so familiar yet so foreign. She can’t unsee it, the way she pushed him away, the way he choose to bring her back to life, the way he had cradled her so delicately when they reunited, the way his lips had felt against her own, the way he respected her so much.</p><p>“What do you need?” Chat asked, his voice quiet, but there. “What can I do?”</p><p>She sobbed, “Just…” she trailed off, finally raising her wet eyes up to him, meeting his soft and gentle gaze. “Just be here with me.”</p><p>He nodded, “Okay,” he stepped closer and untangled his fingers from her locked ones. He delicately held her face between his hands and pressed his forehead against hers, him having to crane his neck so he could meet her forehead at all.</p><p>“I’ve got you,” he said gently.</p><p>She sobbed, “Chat, it-it <em>hurts</em>—”</p><p>He leaned back to study her face, brushing back her bangs behind her ears. “What hurts?”</p><p>She squeezed her eyes shut and stepped closer to him, burying her face into his shoulder and sobbing a few more times before she responded.</p><p>“My <em>heart</em> hurts,” she said, caving. “It feels like it’s bleeding, Chat, and I-I—” she whimpered and gave up on words, instead letting her sobs do all the work.</p><p>Chat wrapped his arms around her, pulling her shaking body against his. She felt safe all of a sudden, like if she let herself crumble right then and there, that it would be alright if she did. Because being in his arms was good for her, being in his presence was good for her, <em>letting </em>him hold her was <em>so good for her</em>.</p><p>“I don’t know what to do!” she cried out, finally grabbing onto his suit desperately. “I’m so <em>scared</em>, Chat! I don’t know what to do!” She sobbed horribly into his shoulder, her cries wrecking her body and tearing her heart to pieces inside her ribs.</p><p>Maybe this is what it feels like to break.</p><p>“What do I do, Chat?” she sobbed, holding him tighter. “<em>What the hell do I do</em>?!”</p><p>“Stop, <em>stop</em>!” Chat cried, leaning back to look at her, holding her shoulders tight and staring into her wide eyes, shocked by his sudden outburst. “You don’t need to do anything,” he said, his voice softening and not taking his eyes off her.</p><p>She faltered, “Wh-What?”</p><p>“You heard me,” he practically whispered, his voice returning to the gentle tone she knew all too well. “I don’t want you to do anything, okay?” he said, reaching up and tucking a strand of hair behind her ear again.</p><p>She was confused, staring at him with a wet gaze and a confused expression. “But—but I thought—”</p><p>“Hey,” he said gently, not leaving her eyes. “I think the reason why you’re freaking yourself out is because you think you need to do something about your own hurt.” He shook his head, rejecting the idea, “The only thing you need to do, right now, Marinette, is let yourself heal and let yourself feel again.”</p><p>She stared at him, “How do I do that?”</p><p>He smiled lightly at her, a gentle look settling in his eyes. “You can start by letting people in.”</p><p>She shook her head, looking down. “I can’t, Chat, I could hurt—”</p><p>“You’re not going to hurt yourself if you let someone in,” he said, raising her chin to meet her eyes again. “I promise, that if you let me in, I’m not going to hurt you.”</p><p>“That’s not it, Chat,” she said, not to leave his gaze.</p><p>He furrowed his eyebrows, “Then what is it?”</p><p>She inhaled, taking a shaky breath before looking down again, hesitance in her chest.</p><p>“Hey,” he said, “You’re shaking. You wanna sit down?”</p><p>She nodded immediately and let the alley cat lead her over to the couch, where he sat down on one of the cushions and she sat next to him, a few inches apart.</p><p>“Tell me what’s wrong,” he said, prodding her gently. “I’ll listen.”</p><p>She couldn’t look at him, if she did then she wouldn’t be able to properly line up her words so that for once, the reasoning in her head made as much sense as they did in her head as they passed her lips.</p><p>“I’m scared,” she said, not daring to look at him.</p><p>Chat was quiet next to her, so she took that as a green light to continue.</p><p>“I’m not scared of me getting hurt… even though that is something I am scared of,” she said, realizing that as well. “But, the reason why… the reason why I don’t let anyone in is… because I—” she stopped, feeling her throat tightening again and she looked down at her empty hands in her lap, her arms limp as she struggled with her words.</p><p>After she wouldn’t speak for a long time, Chat finally spoke in the silence.</p><p>“I’m patient, Marinette,” he said, her skin tingling from feeling his gentle eyes watching her. “Take your time.”</p><p>She relaxed her tense shoulders by hearing those words, not feeling pressured in the slightest. She took her time, lacing the words she wanted to use in her explanation together like a delicate fabric she was using. She wanted this to make sense, especially to him, so like he said, she took her time.</p><p>“I care about you, Chat,” she said, slowly meeting his soft eyes, the moonlight coming in through the windows making his black suit shine in the darkness, his green cat eyes glowing. “I… I care about you more than… than before.” She looked at him, watching his eyes widen slightly in both understanding and confusion.</p><p>“Which is why I can’t… I can’t…” she shook her head, forcing the words she practiced through her lips. “I care about you too much to let you in,” she said, looking down at her hands, her words stalling for a moment. “Because… I don’t want to hurt you. I know you care about me, which is why I can’t let you see me this—this broken.” She shook her head, her face contorting painfully as the floodgates opened again, and she spilled over.</p><p>“I’m not letting you in because of the fear of getting myself hurt, I’m terrified of hurting <em>you</em>,” she said, the tightness in her throat intensifying. “Chat… I’m so sorry that I can’t let you in, but I swear…” she looked at him, more tears falling down her face as she stared into his wide, shocked eyes. “It’s for the best.”</p><p>He closed his mouth, “No.”</p><p>She turned away, “Please don’t push this.”</p><p>“Please don’t—” he stopped, his voice sounding frustrated, which hurt her. “Why—why is this for the best?”</p><p>She still refused to look at him, “Because I’m…” she trailed off, the heaviness in her heart returning as she accepted the reality. “Because I’m too broken for you.”</p><p>There was a long pause, and the pain hit on a whole different level when he didn’t respond, believing he had accepted it as well. The question was… why did him accepting it hurt more than when she finally accepted it years ago?</p><p>“<em>Marinette.” </em></p><p>Her name was spoken so fiercely she had to look back but was caught off guard by Chat getting up from his seat and kneeling down on one knee in front of her, forcing her to look at him.</p><p>“How dare you say that,” he said, only his voice wasn’t fierce, but gentle again, and she would be lying if it didn’t warm her aching heart. Was he about to fight for her?</p><p>He reached up to her and cupped her cheek, the contact making her melt in front of him as he started talking, his words fierce, but gentle and caring.</p><p>“How dare you assume that I’m not strong enough to hold you,” he said, stroking his thumb against her cheek bone. “How dare you assume that you are broken beyond repair, and that nothing can save you.” He leaned closer, his eyes searching hers, “And how <em>dare </em>you assume I’m not gonna try.” He reached up again and used both of his hands to hold her face, to keep her eyes on his since she started to pull away from him.</p><p>“You are not the only one hurting right now, Marinette,” he said, watching her expression. “I care about you more than you refuse to accept, and more than you refuse to let in.” His lip started trembling, like he might start crying to, “You not letting me in is not just hurting you, it’s hurting me to. You’re not protecting me by pushing me away, you’re just hurting yourself and me.”</p><p>She closed her eyes, “Chat—”</p><p>“I refuse to sit back and watch you suffer, watch you push me away further,” he said fiercely. “You have to let me in, you <em>have to</em>.”</p><p>“I can’t,” she said, shaking her head in his steel, gentle grip. “Chat, I can’t, I’m scared—”</p><p>“I know you’re scared,” he said, not letting her go, “Hell, I’m scared. But I’m not scared of you letting me in, I’m scared that you <em>won’t</em> let me in,” he said, his voice trembling. “Marinette, you’re scaring me.”</p><p>She trembled in his grip, “Chat…”</p><p>“Please…” he spoke again, his voice desperate. “I’m begging you.”</p><p>She shook her head violently, as much as she could in in his grip. She whimpered, trying to force her walls back up, she couldn’t risk it… she can’t… she couldn’t—</p><p>“Marinette,” he said gently. “I’m right here, okay?”</p><p>She shook her head again, trying to shake herself from the daydream, “No…”</p><p>“It’s okay,” he said, leaning forward and pressing his forehead against hers. “It’s okay to be scared. Letting people in is scary,” he looked her in the eyes, “But if you want help, if you want me to help you,” he said, pausing for a moment, “Than you have to let me in.”</p><p>Silence.</p><p>“Please.”</p><p>She squeezed her eyes shut, her walls still holding together, but her very foundation they were built on was shaking uncontrollably, making it almost impossible to hold the bricks in. She knew if she could hold on for a little while longer, she could rebuild them, she was just shaken up from earlier tonight and her self-harm in the bathroom. She can still hold back if she tried hard, if he didn’t pull any fast moves on her, if she could just block everything out and slowly but surely rebuild her walls, with painful cries of agony.</p><p>But Chat seemed to know all of her weak points, the ones he knew that could completely shatter her into a million pieces, only in the good ways or the ways he wanted to. He knew how to hug her tightly without hurting her, he knew which places to touch and hold her gently while respecting her boundaries completely. He knew how to calm her down with a few simple touches and words, he knew exactly what to do and say to bring her out of a hallucination, to make her believe in reality again.</p><p>He just… knew her too well.</p><p>Which was both a good thing, and a bad thing for her.</p><p>He said one thing next, that she hasn’t heard in five years, that completely and utterly left her shattered. These words made her completely break down in front of him, spilling over completely in agony as she cried out desperately for him.</p><p>“My Lady,” he said gently.</p><p>What came next was a blur to Marinette, because after that, all she recalled afterward was jumbled words, a lot of crying from both of them, and the pain that broke out of her chest, a pain that he soothed gently with his touch and his words. He comforted her and guided her through her thoughts in such a way she was convinced he was reading her mind. She cried and spoke through her thoughts in a confusing manner, stuttering and sobbing endlessly as she spilled all over him, her pain, her hurt and how much she was broken inside.</p><p>He was an angel with cat ears, listening to her carefully as she stumbled over her sentences, not making any sense to herself, but he nodded in understanding when she had finished a single thought. He didn’t say much, only occasionally shushing her gently when the sobbing got worse or when she would say something harmful about herself and he would correct her. He was so understanding and so gentle, and so <em>hurt </em>when she insulted herself, or when she couldn’t finish a thought because it was too painful to say out loud, but he finished it for her, and she would nod at the painful truth.</p><p>Something inside her was breaking, cracking like a giant iceberg that groaned loudly and feel into the icy water below. It broke off pieces of her, falling into the water to drown and disappear forever.</p><p>What she didn’t expect was for the water to grow warmer as the pieces sunk down lower, wasn’t it usually the opposite? Wasn’t the ocean supposed to colder as she sunk to the bottom and slowly drowned in its coldness? It wasn’t supposed to be getting warmer as she broke off her own pieces and let them sink to the bottom, she was supposed to be drowning in the coldness of the ocean. She was supposed to be dead, ashamed and <em>cold</em>.</p><p>But… she wasn’t.</p><p>Yes, she was drowning… but she wasn’t dead, ashamed or cold.</p><p>As she sank deeper, the cold pieces of the iceberg in her chest was melting slowly, bubbling from the holes the warm water was creating in the block of ice. The warm water surrounded it like a warm hug, whispering encouragement to her, encouraging her to continue to sink deeper, that being in this warm territory was safe, and it’s okay to drown here because she won’t be swept away painfully. The gentle current will guide her along the trenches of the ocean, exploring the deepest and darkest parts of this place and helping her, not forcing her, but gently nudging her to face them.</p><p>Yes, it will be painful, she’s going to have to fight to hold her breath for that long until the gentle current would finally let her up for air. It wouldn’t be forceful, it would carry her to the surface if it was too much, if the darkness was too much for her to face that day. But still, if it believed in her, if it was fully confident she could do this, to fight against the darkness that threatened to overtake her in the night, it would push her, push her until she conquered it.</p><p>It would be painful, scary and sometimes feel impossible, but the currents got her. It wouldn’t let her drown in her darkness; it wouldn’t let her do this along. It’s got her, and she believed it for the first time in years, and it felt good.</p><p>
  <em>He’s got her. </em>
</p><p>Sometimes the oceans are dark, but that doesn’t mean everything in it is to.</p><p>When she finally finished spilling, her heavy words lingering in the clear air in a peaceful silence she wasn’t expecting but wasn’t rejecting either, she breathed in slowly, shutting her eyes. </p><p>She reached out to him and placed a hand on his chest, feeling his steady heartbeat pounding against the palm of her hand. She matched her breathing with it, not as quick or as steady, but using it as an anchor as she slowly brought down the painful throb in her chest. There was still a very painful ache in her chest that called out to him, the same intensity as it was before, but with the ache also came with a sense of security. Soon enough, he would answer her desperate and painful call, and he had already done so much for her now, and if he really did care for her as much as he claimed he did, he would come running after her, even if she was running from him.</p><p>“Are you done?” he asked gently.</p><p>Unable to answer, she nodded, not moving her hand from his chest.</p><p>“How do you feel?”</p><p>She wasn’t sure, mainly because she couldn’t make any sense of what she just blabbered to Chat. She explained herself to him, almost spilling every raw and dark part of her to him, letting him see her for the first time in years. It was so vulnerable and terrifying to her, especially after he asked her if she was okay or how she felt.</p><p>She swallowed hard, still not opening her eyes. “I don’t know,” she said, which was the honest truth.</p><p>Marinette felt him nod in front of her, “That’s okay,” he said, reassuring her. “It’s okay to be confused.”</p><p>“What…” she started, trying to keep her shaking limbs under control. “What did I say?”</p><p>He was still for a moment, before she felt him take her chin in his hand, lifting her head back up. He waited for her to open her eyes, but he ended up waiting a lot longer than he thought because she refused to look at him.</p><p>“Can you look at me, My Lady?” Chat asked.</p><p>With the new use of that nickname, and the fact that he knew it had the very effect of undoing her completely, he had some power over her that she both hated and loved.</p><p>She hated it because he had this power over her, a power that could literally unfold her. When he used it earlier, she completely and utterly shattered in front of him, spilling almost every single painful detail about her life in the past five years. She practically laid everything that was hurting her in front of her on a table, so raw and open for him to inspect and dissect.</p><p>But she loved it because he only pushed her to understand why she was pushing everyone around her away for so long, why she couldn’t let him in like she used to. He used it only so he could help her open up, help her better understand herself and better understand what she was feeling. It may have been confusing to her, but to him, it must’ve felt good to watch her unfold for him and only him. He took no pleasure in seeing her hurting, only humbly taking in her pain and sorrow, happy and sad that she was unfolding in such a painful way… but at least she was unfolding.</p><p>Maybe that’s why she was finally letting him in a little bit, not completely, there were still parts of her that she was holding back, but those could be discussed a different time, Chat had pushed her enough tonight. Just enough for her to finally be in his presence and not feel like she was dying inside. She still was, but it wasn’t because she missed him anymore, he was right there, and it felt like the first time in forever that she was seeing him. She was finally seeing that maybe… just maybe, letting someone in will do more good than harm, for once.</p><p>And maybe that… that was just enough for her to open her eyes.</p><p>When she met his gentle gaze, his own eyes wet from his crying that he had done with her, he smiled at her lightly, eliciting a small smile to grow on her lips.</p><p>“You said all you needed to say for tonight,” he said, tucking yet another wayward strand behind her ear. “And I’m so proud of you for doing that.”</p><p>She sobbed, but smiled at the same time, feeling a little flame lighting in her chest, a familiar feeling she hasn’t felt since the night of his return.</p><p>“My Lady,” he said, smiling fondly at her subtly reaction to her nickname. “I can’t tell you how honored I am that you opened up to me, and I promise I will not abuse that.” He shook his head, leaning ever so closer, “I will not push you, I will not force you to do anything, and of course I will still respect your boundaries, but just know,” he paused, making sure she was looking into his eyes. “That unless I feel you are unsafe or you’re on the edge of… something dangerous… I am going to push you, okay?”</p><p>Marinette’s mind immediately went to the cuts on her arms, the ones she had inflicted on herself for years, including the fresh new ones that were only covered up by a few bandages and the sleeve to her sweater.</p><p>“I’ll only be pushing you because I’m concerned about you,” he said, taking her hands in his own. “With the way you explained how your brain works and convinces you the wrong and terrible things about yourself…” he trailed off, giving her a very terrified look. “Marinette… you’re not…” he stopped, staring at her for a long time before continuing. “You’re not… harming yourself, are you?”</p><p>She resisted the urge to tense while he’s holding her hands so delicately. If she tensed, he would immediately know there is something wrong, he would immediately pry her and push the answers out of her until she spilled all over again.</p><p>Considering the terrified look on his face, the anguish in his eyes and the way his lips barely trembled, his anxiety rising off his body like a literal heat wave of terror. She considered his feelings, and with the way he was looking at her now, her brain switched back to protective mode, convinced her, again, that she needed to keep him in the dark.</p><p>She just didn’t understand the effect it would have on both of them in the end.</p><p>She shook her head hesitantly, before shaking it more confidently, not leaving his gaze as she pressed her lips together in her attempt to lie.</p><p>“No,” she said quietly. “No, I’m not.”</p><p>He stared at her for a long moment, his eyes slowly softening at her… believing her.</p><p>She was both relieved and hurt at the same time.</p><p>He nodded, “Okay,” he said, pushing the topic to the side. “So, what do you want to do with this?”</p><p>She looked at him, “With what?”</p><p>“Well,” he said, leaning his hands on either side of her thighs to balance himself better. “You just opened up to me, when just a few nights ago you wanted to keep things professional between us.” He sighed, meeting her eyes again in a shyness she hasn’t seen in a while, and it was really adorable. “I guess what I’m asking is… do you still want that? Or do you want to go back to before?”</p><p>She furrowed her eyebrows at him, “Before…?”</p><p>He stared at her for a long time, “Before I made the wish.”</p><p>She could tell he was avoiding such words like, <em>before you died and came back to life. </em></p><p>She looked down, thinking.</p><p>After a long moment she opened her mouth to speak, “I think…” she had to trail off because her mouth suddenly widened and she let out a long, loud yawn from the back of her throat, making Chat chuckle fondly at her. “I think I need to go to bed,” she said, her shoulders slouching and her eyelids becoming heavy.</p><p>He smiled at her gently, “I agree,” he said, reaching up to her and placing a hand on her cheek. “You need your rest, you did a lot of crying tonight.”</p><p>She met his eyes, “So did you.”</p><p>He nodded, “I know,” he said, stroking her cheek. “Trust me, when I get home, I’m going to take a nice long cat nap.”</p><p>She nodded, holding back the question she had in mind.</p><p>“To answer your question,” she said, changing the subject to keep her mind occupied. “I think I just…” she trailed off, trying to make herself think through the blankness of her mind. It wasn’t void, dark or empty inside, it was just blank, a peaceful, sleepy blank screen that told her she was going to sleep well tonight.</p><p>“I think I just need time,” she said, looking back up at him. “I need to sort through my thoughts and feelings before I answer that question.” She gulped nervously, “I’m pretty tired and emotional right now… I could end up saying some things I’ll regret in the morning.”</p><p>He softened at her words, “Do you regret any of what you said?”</p><p>“No,” she said immediately, looking back at him. “No, I just… I just need some—”</p><p>“Time,” he said, nodding at her. “I respect that. I’ll wait until you’re ready to talk to me.”</p><p>She looked back up at him, “Thank you.”</p><p>He nodded, “You’re welcome, My Lady.”</p><p>She smiled fondly at the nickname, “I’ve missed that.”</p><p>There was a long pause where they just stared at each other through the darkness of the room.</p><p>“I’ve missed you,” he said simply.  </p><p>She felt the blush coming a mile away, looking down shyly at the attempt to hide her reddening face, but he had noticed and watched her with a small smile as she reacted to his presence in a much more preferable way than she had in the past week.</p><p>“Okay, well,” she said, sighing and shrugging her shoulders. “I think I’m going to head to bed.”</p><p>He nodded, before taking her hand in his and pulling her to her feet. Without much else, he walked her to her bedroom, holding one of her hands as the guide her through the darkness of the apartment. He found her room and opened the door, finding a well-organized room with a desk and a bed, a little chair in the corner for reading, and a closet in the corner that held all her clothes.</p><p>He stood awkwardly in the threshold, watching her carefully as she entered her room, walking up to her desk and tracing her fingertips along one of the many notebooks she owned.</p><p>Chat held back the shivers he got when she flicked her fingertips off the edge of her sketchbook, wondering what it felt like for her fingertips to be on his bare skin.</p><p>He shook his head violently at the intruding thoughts, not believing himself for thinking such things when she had just opened up to him only a few minutes before.</p><p>“If you’re all good here, I’m going to leave,” he said, feeling like the most insensitive person on the planet. “You’re okay with me leaving, right?”</p><p>She turned back to him, “Yeah…” she trailed off, “Yeah, if you want.”</p><p>He stared at her, <em>well what the hell did that mean?</em></p><p>“Okay,” he said, gesturing behind him with his thumb. “Okay, then… I’m gonna go.”</p><p>He turned to leave when her voice stopped him dead in his tracks.</p><p>“Chat?” she called.</p><p>He turned back, stepped under the threshold again and looking at her in concern. “Yeah? You okay?”</p><p>“Yeah! No, I’m fine,” she said, looking down shyly. “Just… I wanted to say that…” she looked back at him, her knee bobbing nervously. “That… you could… stay.”</p><p>He stared at her for a long time, before smiling fondly at her, understanding what she was asking of him. “Ah, My Lady,” he said, stepping more into the room, but not too close to her or he might just <em>fulfill </em>what she was asking of him. “That’s not a very good idea, now is it?”</p><p>There was a long pause where they both just stared at each other, the darkness of the room both suffocating and empty, like it needed to be filled with loud, heavy breathing, with her whimpers of pleasure, with her voice as she cried his name—</p><p>He stopped himself before he could rush her, trying to stay confident despite a shaky, nervous, and pleasurable feeling that burst between his legs.</p><p>“Well,” she said, her voice snapping him back to reality. “Let’s just say I have a <em>really bad idea </em>right now.”</p><p>He almost gave in at her words, feeling the smug smirk falling off his face as one slowly grew on her face, watching his reaction to her words.</p><p>Chat was able to gather himself and give her a gentle, caring look.</p><p>“Not yet, My Lady,” he said, smiling at her. He turned slightly, “Get some rest now.”</p><p>And just like that, he was gone.</p><p>But Marinette didn’t feel empty, alone or sad when he was. She felt good for once, there’s no simpler way of putting it, only that she felt like tonight was a success, that tonight was a night that would forever be in her heart. The night she finally opened up to Chat Noir, her trustworthy partner, best friend… and maybe—hopefully—a little more in the future.</p><p>But that didn’t matter right now, what mattered in the moment, was the way she felt, the way she smiled into the darkness of her apartment for the first time in years. The way how she felt the sun going down in her mind, concluding a very good day, even thought it didn’t start off good. It ended good, and that’s sometimes all that matters.</p><p>But there was something there as she closed her eyes and slowly let herself drown in the land of dreams, something that encouraged her that better days are yet to come, that there was something bigger at work her.</p><p>Something that she’ll like.</p><p>For once, she saw the end of the tunnel, and it was no longer a dark and empty road, but a light slowly getting closer and closer to her as she approached it. She realized she only ever saw the darkness was because she was refusing to look for the light, refusing to let it happen. And now that she was finally letting him in… the one person she trusted the most… she felt something brighten just as the sun went down in her mind. The final light of the day faded from view, pink and orange in the sky as the afterglow settled over her mind, a feeling of pleasure after a successful evening that was once full of pain, and now full of hope.</p><p>She looked to the end of the tunnel, seeing the light brighten more, and with it, a person. A figure that was all too familiar that smiled brightly at her, opening his arms to her in a welcoming embrace.</p><p>After years of staring into the darkness, she decided that she was done with it, and for once, wanted to find the end of the tunnel.</p><p>You could say she started walking, started smiling brightly as she took her time to reach him. Wanting to savor the amazing journey towards him as she slowly made her way to him. Wanting to remember every detail of falling for him, all over again, so she could relive it every day, every moment, every <em>second </em>with him.  </p><p>Nah, she didn’t do that. She did something far from that, in fact.</p><p>She took off running.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>a lot of angst and comfort in this chapter, thank you Chat Noir for being the sweetheart that you are!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Light Bulbs</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Marinette confides in her close friends to help her with a certain decision.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Enjoy :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chapter 8: Light Bulbs</p><p> </p><p>After a long day of work and about one thousand homework assignments finally finished and sitting in her backpack, awaiting to be turned in, Marinette collapsed onto her couch, groaning loudly as she raked her hands through her hair, staring up at the ceiling. In her apartment, the sun was coming in through her open windows, the first signs of spring finally floating in the air as the sun peeked from behind the clouds in what felt like forever. The nice, chilly breeze filled with a flowery scent that tickled the hairs on her face, and she smiled at the comfort they gave her, despite how amazingly crappy she felt.</p><p>The past few days have been… weird. There was no better word for it, she believed as she trudged through campus in her tennis shoes with bed head and just about as much stress as the next person, doubled. She had a long day of testing, since courters where ending and this was usually about the time her professors liked to pile on the work. She was still only taking about three to four classes, since this was her last year in college, but that didn’t mean they weren’t stressful. And, at times, she sometimes wished for her days back at Dupont, where at least the classes were easier, well, now they seemed easier, compared to the classes she was taking now.</p><p>But anyway, the past few days have been strange for her. She’s been getting a little more restful sleep than usual, and she was getting a lot of productive work done, even going as far as doing a few fun designs for herself. It wasn’t like she was used to a terrible, heavy lifestyle it was just… she was so used to feeling heavy and full of rocks that banged around in her head she just got used to it. Of course, just because she’d gotten used to it didn’t mean she wasn’t hurting as much, her heart still ached like it usually did and her little flashbacks and panic attacks came and went. They still hurt like hell, but she was used to them.</p><p>This… this wasn’t what she was used to.</p><p>She felt lighter, almost as if the weight she has been carrying for years finally decided to lift off her a little. It was still there, but it was like someone had stepped under with her and was helping lift the terrible weight that made her muscles scream in agony.</p><p>She had one, positive guess on who it might be that decided to take mercy on her and help her with the weight.</p><p>Chat Noir was coming to her almost every night, stopping by her apartment to check in on her every once in a while. He claimed he was there because he saw how broken up she was the other night when she finally opened up to him, and wanted to make sure she was clear for now. Asking her over and over again if there was anything she had “forgotten” to tell him.  </p><p>She told him certain things, like casually bringing up her doubts and sorrows of the day that made her feel down, and he would immediately comfort her or crack a joke to make her smile.</p><p>That was another thing she wasn’t used to.</p><p>She was so used to being ignored and pushing people away that she wasn’t used to someone actually paying attention to her like he did. As she talked, he leaned close and listened, nodding occasionally with his attentive gaze as he studied every part of her face, and moving to hold her hand when he felt she was about to start crying.</p><p>Of course, he still respected her boundaries, not pushing her for an answer to his question of whether or not she wanted back what they had before or if she wanted to continue to keep things professional.</p><p>The fact that what they had before led to them kissing right before her “death” was both exhilarating and frustrating at the same time.</p><p>Not to mention the heated kiss they had shared the night of Chat Noir’s return.</p><p>All in all, Marinette was terrified what any of this, whatever her decision was about their relationship could mean. She felt as if it were unfair to Chat Noir, how he was giving her full reign and control of the situation, which she was grateful for, but also she felt guilty with how he might feel about them.</p><p>What did he want from this? What did he want <em>from her? </em></p><p>The logical part of her brain told her that he would simply say something along the lines of; “It’s your decision, Marinette, and I will respect whatever choice you make,” because he’s a sweetheart like that. But the desperate, and longing part of her heart called out to him, and wanted him to say, “I want to be able to hold your hand for all to see, I want to be able to kiss you in the moonlight—I want you, My Lady. I want you.” And then he would disappoint her by saying… “But not unless that’s what you want to. If you don’t want me like that, then I understand.” Which isn’t disappointing, Chat Noir was known for his chivalry and kindness, more like how she almost wanted him to make the decision <em>for her</em>.</p><p>Because she had a feeling that the last option was what he wanted, but not what he would say out loud to her unless she begged him to.</p><p>And she <em>wanted </em>him to say that.</p><p>So, why was she arguing with herself and trying to talk herself into this at the same time?</p><p>Because she was <em>terrified.</em></p><p>“Marinette?” Tikki asked, floating up to her almost unconscious owner, who opened her eyes and stared up at her little companion. “Are you okay?”</p><p>Marinette considered, looking back up at the ceiling as she contemplated what exactly those words meant, and how she should respond to the question.</p><p>“No,” she said honestly, tapping her stomach and sighing. “No, I don’t think I am.”</p><p>Tikki flew forward and sat on the coffee table, looking up at her holder with an expected look.</p><p>Marinette stared at her for a moment, before turning away and staring back up at the ceiling as she opened her mouth to speak.</p><p>“He’s not making this any easier,” she admitted.</p><p>Tikki furrowed her non-existent eyebrows in concern, “Who? Chat Noir?”</p><p>Marinette nodded before covering her face with her hands, rubbing the exhaustion from her eyes and speaking into her hands, muffling her voice. “I can’t decide when he’s acting like this.”</p><p>“Decide on what?” Tikki asked, “What is he acting like?”</p><p>“He’s acting like <em>him</em>!” she said, exasperated. “He’s acting like the sweet, kind and sometimes bravely stupid cat he is, and it’s—” she stopped, sighing and dropping her hands back to her stomach. “It’s making me very confused.”</p><p>“Confused how?”</p><p>Marinette paused, gathering her jumbled thoughts that mostly contained the green-eyed cat boy she so desperately loved seeing. During the occasional sentimonster attack, not as frequent as the akuma attacks years ago, she always seemed to be slightly distracted when it came to him speaking, and especially when it came to him saving her time and time again. She even found herself idly sketching his little golden bell that hung from his collar just below the top of his sternum, totally not thinking about how hot he looked in his new suit upgrades.</p><p>She tried to stay focused on how good of a <em>friend</em> he’s been to her, how sweet and careful he was around her when she let herself open up to him a little. But that eventually led to dangerous territory that she didn’t want to think about to much, she can’t focus on how much she really did love the sweet partner she had. Especially with how much her heart lurched out to him when he gave her a gentle smile, how his eyes studied her in concern when she seemed a little off that day, or how completely unbalanced she feels when he’s not around.</p><p>Which is why she tried not to think about him at all, which made it impossible for him not to cross her mind at least once a minute, which turned into several minutes, and soon enough she’s thinking about how warm she feels in his arms and—</p><p>“I can’t decide,” she finally settled on, not daring to look at her kwami. “He gave me a choice; what we had before, or a professional partnership that wasn’t anything more than a <em>partnership,</em>” she said with distaste on her tongue. She sighed, playing with her own fingers, “I need to think about Paris’ safety as well as his and… well, it’s making my brain hurt how much I both need him and need to protect Paris. I both want there to be… a deeper relationship between us… but could that put Paris in danger? If I’m worried about him all the time?”</p><p>“You worry about him already,” Tikki said, her voice sympathetic. “Would it make a difference if you chose him?”</p><p>“Over Paris?” Marinette asked, looking at her kwami with wide eyes.</p><p>Tikki shook her head, “No,” she said simply, “But for your own good.”</p><p>“But what if what is for my own good putting both him and Paris in danger?” she said, looking back up and shaking her head. “I can’t risk hurting him and Paris, just because it’s ‘good’ for me.”</p><p>“So, what are you saying?” Tikki pushed, sitting forward in interest.</p><p>There was a long pause where Marinette didn’t say anything, before the “logical” part of her brain won over and she looked back at her kwami with heavy eyes.</p><p>“I think we need to stay professional,” she said, her heart breaking a little. “It’s the—”</p><p>“The safest option?” Tikki said, bitterness on her tongue. “I don’t understand what you mean by ‘professional’ with him, and I don’t like the sound of it either.”</p><p>“I mean,” Marinette said, gathering her thoughts. “I mean I need him and I to be a… professional duo. I need to be able to focus in the middle of a fight, and I can’t do that when I’m worried about him and—” she stopped, taking a shaky breath before letting it out slowly. “I can’t afford to lose a fight… or him.”</p><p>Tikki gave her an incredulous look, “And keeping things ‘professional’ and emotionless between you and Chat will help you?”</p><p>Marinette nodded, “Yeah, because—”</p><p>“Okay, that’s it,” Tikki said, startling her holder and floating in front of her, forcing her chosen to sit up so she could pay better attention to the lecture her little companion was about to give her. “Was keeping things professional between you to what fixed how you felt the other night? Was keeping him at a distance making you feel any better and making you a better Ladybug because of it?”</p><p>Marinette looked down, “No,” she said quietly.</p><p>“Exactly,” the kwami said, giving her a questioning look. “So, really, what do you <em>need </em>the answer to be, for <em>you</em>?”</p><p>After a long pause, Marinette finally looked up at her little companion, “I need him.”</p><p>Tikki nodded, “You have your answer then.”</p><p>Marinette shook her head, “It’s not that simple, Tikki I’m still—” she stopped remembering flashes of crimson liquid running down her body, a screaming Chat Noir, and a darkness that never went away, followed her into adulthood.</p><p>The darkness made her angry, and therefore, angry at the giver.</p><p>“I’m still mad at him,” she admitted, both hating and justifying herself for it. “I… I can’t stop thinking about how I… how he…” she gestured with her hands, making a frustrated noise in the back of her throat. She shook her head, “I’m <em>pissed </em>at him, Tikki, I’m mad because he was the one who made the wish, the one thing we were trying to prevent from happening. The wish that completely destroyed me,” she said, hurt in her voice. “I can’t… I <em>can’t—</em>”</p><p>“You’re still mad about what he did <em>five years ago?</em>” Tikki asked, disbelief in her voice. “Why are you still holding onto this? This has nothing to do with you and him now.”</p><p>“It has everything to do with <em>us!” </em>she cried, her outburst surprising both of them, but she continued anyway. “I’ve had to live with this <em>dark thing </em>inside me for <em>five years,</em>” she said, gesturing at herself. “For five years I have been torturing myself because he was selfish and brought me back!”</p><p>“And what if he hadn’t?!” Tikki cried, pushing back with her own retaliation and surprising her holder. “What if he decided to not go through with it? What if he decided not to bring you back? What then?!” she said, spreading her tiny little arms as if to make a point, which she was, “What if he was the one that was dying in your arms instead of you, what would you do?”</p><p>Marinette was silent again for a long moment, before looking back up at her kwami.</p><p>“What he did… was wrong,” she concluded, taking a breath and forcing back the arguing thoughts in her brain, the ones coming from her aching heart. “If he somehow messed up the wish… well, we’re lucky that the world is still intact,” she said, meeting her kwami’s eyes. “Every time I try and forgive him, I’m reminded of that day and the pain, and the want to s<em>tay.</em>” She shook her head, looking up with glassy eyes at the ceiling, focusing on the tiny black stain just above her head. “I just… I just—I can’t.”</p><p>“You just let him see you again,” Tikki said, her voice gentle again. “Don’t start pushing him away again.”</p><p>Marinette shook her head, “I <em>have to, </em>Tikki, it’s—”</p><p>“The safest option,” Tikki interrupted again, her voice still gentle but insisting. “You’re pushing him away because it’s the <em>safest option</em>?” she asked, shaking her head with hurt in her wide eyes. “Is that why you want to keep things professional between you guys?”</p><p>Marinette slowly nodded.</p><p>“Why?” Tikki asked, “Do you not trust him anymore?”</p><p>Marinette looked up at her, “I may be upset with him right now, but that doesn’t mean I don’t trust him.” She paused, looking down at her feet, “It’s not that I don’t trust him… I actually trust him more than anyone.” She sighed, giving her kwami a helpless look, “It’s not him as much as it is me, Tikki,” she said, gesturing at herself, “I’m not pushing him away because of what he did.”</p><p>Tikki tilted her head in confusion, “Then why?”</p><p>She sighed, “Because I don’t trust myself,” she said, which was the honest truth. “If I let him in, if I stop pushing him away, if I forgive him… I’m not going to be able to stop myself,” she said, her eyes watering. “Tikki, I miss him <em>so bad, </em>but I <em>can’t—</em>” she stopped, biting her lip harshly to stop herself from sobbing as her whole body trembled. “…the last time I was vulnerable with someone, everything came crashing down,” she said, refusing to look up as her voice became shaky. “I can’t let anyone in, Tikki, because…” she trailed off, trying to force out the painful truth. “Because last time I let someone in, I lost <em>everything… </em>I lost Alya, Nino, my parent’s trust, my confidence, Ladybug…” she trailed off, staring at her feet. “Chat Noir.”</p><p>“Marinette—” Tikki said, trying to comfort her owner.</p><p>“And…” she continued, feeling like a thousand pounds had been placed on her shoulders yet again. “No matter how unforgiving and untrustworthy I may be,” she said, finally raising her wet gaze to her concerned kwami’s eyes. “I can’t lose him,” she said, shaking her head. A terrible wave of terror settled over her like a dark cloud, making her place a shaking hand over her open mouth and stare at nothing as her eyes widened in fear.</p><p>“Oh, God,” she said, her voice shaking as she struggled to keep her panic at bay. “I can’t—” she hiccupped, her face contorting in pain as she closed her eyes and collapsed down on her back and covered her face as she sobbed horribly. “I can’t l-lose h-him, Tikki. Not after e-everything I-I’ve lost.”</p><p>There was along moment where neither of them said anything, and Marinette just sobbed terribly on her back as she felt something break in her chest, struggling to hold on to any sliver of hope that may be there.</p><p>Lucky for her, Tikki has always been good at giving her hope.</p><p>“Marinette,” her companion said gently. “Letting someone in doesn’t make you weaker, and it doesn’t hurt them.” She stared at her owner for a long time before continuing. “It makes you stronger.”</p><p>Marinette didn’t respond, instead removing her hand from her wet face and staring up blankly at the ceiling.</p><p>With all her might, she wanted the words to be believable to herself.</p><p>.             .             .</p><p>If Marinette could choose one word to describe Mlle. Abreo, she would choose wise, only for the reason that her older mentor sat in front of her with a pot of hot tea, and advice shining in her eyes.</p><p>“Now tell me,” Mlle. Abreo said, watching as Marinette sat in the cushioned seat next to her, eyeing the green tea that her mentor slowly poured into two teacups. “What exactly has got you distracted today?”</p><p>Marinette, sporting dark bags under her eyes and just about two hours of sleep looked at her boss like she was crazy, only because she thought it was pretty obvious already that she was about to collapse.</p><p>“Nothing, really,” she said, reaching forward to take the tea in her hand, thanking her.</p><p>Mlle. Abreo hummed, swallowed some tea as she gave her employee a knowing look. “Are you sure?” she asked again, giving her a concerned look. “You look like you didn’t get a wink last night.”</p><p>Marinette reminded herself that not only was Mlle. Abreo observant, but also pushy sometimes when she was concerned about something.</p><p>She set her cup down, “I did, I just kept getting… interrupted,” she said, choosing her words carefully.</p><p>“I see,” her mentor said, also setting down her cup. “And these nightmares are reoccurring?”</p><p>Marinette turned to her, perplexed. “I never said I was having nightmares.”</p><p>Mlle. Abreo chuckled, folding her hands a top her crossed legs. “You didn’t need to, honey,” she said, her tone warm and welcoming. “You look like me when I first lost my husband.”</p><p>Marinette didn’t respond and instead looked back down at her lap, the silence between them turning awkward as her mentor sipped on her hot tea, blowing away the steam it presented to them.</p><p>“You don’t need to worry about me, ma’am,” she said, also taking her tea and leaning back, avoiding eye contact as she sipped on the flavored liquid. “I’m okay, just need more sleep.”</p><p>Mlle. Abreo hummed, making Marinette looked back over at her. She had her lips pressed together in a small smile as she set her tea back down, turning her full attention to the younger woman.</p><p>“Nightmares are a sign of your mind trying to cope with something,” she said, staring at something across the room. “Or they could be your mind trying to tell you something.”</p><p>Marinette furrowed her eyebrows, “Like what?”</p><p>Mlle. Abreo paused, pressing her lips together. “Well, that depends,” she said, tilting her head and leaning towards her. “What are your dreams about?”</p><p>Marinette hesitated, looking down and fiddling with her fingers nervously. She wasn’t usually one for opening up, as said before, it just wasn’t easy for her in any kind of way, and everything about it seemed… uncomfortable. Besides, opening up was about the last thing she should be doing with her boss, considering it might be slightly informal to talk to her about her nonexistent love life, especially when that love consisted of her pushing people away. So, in the end, she stayed quiet, only for the reason to stay comfy in the chair and not start balling her eyes out like she did the previous night.</p><p>Mlle. Abreo didn’t seem bothered by this in the slightest, shrugging her shoulders and leaning back again like she was lounging on a beach with a cold drink in her hand.</p><p>“It’s fine if you don’t tell me, <em>Marinetta</em>,” she said, using the age-old nickname while rolling her tongue. “I’m just making sure you’re okay.”</p><p>“Everyone’s asking me if I’m okay,” she said, almost rolling her eyes before realizing that would be rude. “Honestly, I hear the question every day, and it’s a little irritating.”</p><p>Mlle. Abreo laughed, throwing her head back and letting out an open throat snort that echoed around the room like a melody, making Marinette look over at her in both confusion and humor. She had never heard her mentor make such an out of character noise like that, considering the tea and crumpets lady she was that owned a popular boutique. But now that she thought about it, her mentor did have a lot of crinkles around her face that signified she spent most of her life smiling till the sun finally came out. Almost as if she commanded it to come out and wouldn’t stop smiling stupidly at the sky until it did but would continue even though the clouds finally moved along.  </p><p>“Well,” her mentor continued, a smile still on her face as she set down her cup once again. “Usually when someone is bothering you about something you don’t want to talk about,” she gave Marinette a comically knowing look. “You should probably talk about it.”</p><p>“But I can’t,” Marinette argued, putting her cheek in her palm and not looking at her. “I can’t do that to people.”</p><p>“What?” her mentor said. “Let people see you vulnerable?” She gave her another knowing look, smiling fondly at her, “You’re stronger than that, <em>Marinetta,” </em>she said, leaning forward as well to catch her eye. “I must admit, it is scary to let someone in, but it’s also so good for you. Especially when you’re hurting,” she pointed idly at her, “Especially then, because you need someone to be there for you when you are struggling.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Marinette said subconsciously, not catching the sarcasm in her voice. “It’s <em>so</em> good for me to ball my eyes out in front of the people I’m trying not to hurt.”</p><p>Mlle. Abreo chuckled, making Marinette look at her. “It’s not that I’m trying to annoy you, honey, it’s nothing like that,” she said, waving her hand and making eye contact with her. “I’m worried about you, and I’m guessing that everyone who continues to ‘bother’ you about it is just as worried about you to.” She leaned back, lacing her hands in her lap, “You should let someone in, it’s healthy.”</p><p>Marinette shook her head, “Not in my case,” she said, slouching at the painful truth. “The last time I let someone in, everything fell apart.”</p><p>Mlle. Abreo gave her a confused look, “What do you mean?”</p><p>Marinette hesitated, looking back down at her hands with a heavy frown, her mind slowly slipping towards that maybe, <em>maybe, </em>she should ask for a little advice for once.</p><p>“I had a best friend,” she started with the easiest to get out, which wasn’t easy at all, but at least it won’t reduce her to a crying fest. “We were really close before she… found out I was keeping something from her, something that I thought was protecting her from a lot of bad things.” She shook her head, “And she hates me for it, because it was a huge secret that I kept from her for years, a secret that forced me to lie to everyone in my life, for their own safety.” She sighed, before leaning back and folding her arms at her chest, “And when I tried to explain that to her… she exploded, and we ended things.”</p><p>“Why are you mad?” Mlle. Abreo asked simply.</p><p>Marinette was finding it easier to talk. Her mentor has always had that approachable aura to her, making it almost impossible to resist the prodding questions she was and will eventually ask her.</p><p>She reminded her of someone.</p><p>“Because she betrayed me,” she said, her voice cracking on the last word, looking down and facing the floor as she forced her emotions back. “When I needed her most, she turned on me. There was this girl that baited me into hitting her, saying these awful things about—” she faltered, shutting her eyes closed as she almost repeated his name, the name that has left her confused for years. “This girl made all my friends turn on me, because I hit this sweet, innocent and kind girl they all seemed so mesmerized by,” she said, bitterness in her tone. She sneered, “She sided with the one girl that hated me most, and to make it worse, she broke it off when she found out my dirty little secret.”</p><p>Mlle. Abreo was silent for a long moment, the air between them thick as the words settled over them.</p><p>“You’re angry at her?” she asked, her voice still sweet and melodic. “When was this?”</p><p>Marinette shifted, “Five years ago.”</p><p>Mlle. Abreo nodded, leaning back in her chair which caught her attention and she furrowed her eyebrows in confusion. “What?”</p><p>She shook her head, “I mean I understand why you’re so angry with her,” she said, locking eyes with her. “But… I also feel there’s a lot more baggage behind that story than you let on.”</p><p>Marinette hesitated again, fiddling with her weak fingers from lack of sleep, feeling the weight of everything on her shoulders hurting her as she slowly crashed. The evening sun doing nothing to help her as she struggled to stay awake.</p><p>“There’s this… guy,” she said, not missing the way Mlle. Abreo’s eyebrows shot up. “And… it’s complicated,” she said, feeling confused herself. “We had a short thing in the past, but I’ve known him for years, even before we were… a thing,” she said, hating to label it. “Anyway, something happened to me that was… pretty dark, and he did something that helped me, a thing we both forbid each other to do, and he still did it.” She shook her head, remembering the night she found out and how hurt she was, “He… he did something dark to me, not something he wanted or intended to do… but it still happened nonetheless. And he could’ve prevented it from happening… but he didn’t, and that’s where he’s at fault.” She shook her head, laughing dryly as she picked at her jeans, “Pretty stupid, right?”</p><p>Mlle. Abreo shook her head, pursing her lips. “No, not really,” she said, sighing and leaning back again. “It just sounds like you don’t understand his intentions.”</p><p>Marinette furrowed her eyebrows, “Like what?”</p><p>“Let’s start with the ex-best friend and this girl that baited you,” she said, leaning forward in interest. “So, first of all, everything is your fault?”</p><p>Marinette, taken aback from the bluntness, responded. “Yes.”</p><p>She nodded, “And all the things that happened to you, all the lies that were spread about you.” She gestured at her, “That was your fault?”</p><p>“I hit that girl,” Marinette retorted. “Nothing would’ve started if I’d just not—”</p><p>Mlle. Abreo held up a hand, halting Marinette in her tracks. “Yes,” she said, agreeing. “You hit that girl and maybe caused more harm than good… but did you spread lies about yourself? <em>Would </em>you spread lies about yourself?”</p><p>Marinette knitted her eyebrows, “No.”</p><p>“Did you walk away from your best friend?”</p><p>“No,” she said, lacing her shaking hands. “But I lied to her.”</p><p>“About a secret you claimed you absolutely couldn’t tell her,” she said, leaning forward with a glint in her eyes. “A secret that was protecting her, and even when you needed her most, she walked away.”</p><p>Marinette, confused, looked down. “… yes.”</p><p>“So,” she said, taking on a conclusive tone. “Whose fault is it, really?”</p><p>Marinette paused, weighing the odds and the facts, the lies and the truths that have been going through her head for years, torturing her in so many different ways. And with them, came a startling answer to her question.</p><p>“Both of ours,” she said, looking up at her mentor, who smiled approvingly.</p><p>“Very good,” she said, her voice impressed. “Friendship isn’t about protecting one another <em>Marinetta,” </em>she said, smiling at her. “Friendship is about trusting the other’s judgment and stepping in only when they are in the wrong. Not judging or criticizing each other because of the dumb things we’ve done in the past,” she shook her head at her. “Friends are meant to hold our hand throughout our walk with tough stuff, be there for one another and listen to each other, not yell and fight when one of us screws up like all humans do.”</p><p>“Was I in the right?” Marinette asked, looking up. “Was it right for me to keep that secret from her?”</p><p>Mlle. Abreo smiled, “Depends on what the secret is, honey,” she said, taking another sip of her tea. “If it was something that was protecting her, then it was both right and wrong, but if it was a toxic thing that was protecting her from being hurt, then you were wrong.”</p><p>“What does that mean?”</p><p>“It means that, in the end, you should never lie to the people you love, especially if they are your family and friends,” she said, nodding in agreement with her own words. “You had the right mindset for it, but in the end, you should’ve told her the truth. But that doesn’t justify her walking away from you when you were hurting,” she said, shaking her head. “The last thing you do when someone is hurting it walking away. That can seriously scar a person.”</p><p>Marinette nodding, completely agreeing. “What about…” she said, hesitating. “What about the guy?”</p><p>She smiled fondly at her, “I assume this is someone you love as well?”</p><p>She hesitated, before nodding.</p><p>“Well, first things first,” she said, scooting on the edge of her chair like she was excited for this. “You love him more than you know, and more than you’ve ever told him before?”</p><p>If words were food, she would be eating that sentence up, screaming “preach” at the top of her lungs.</p><p>“Yes,” she said shyly.</p><p>She nodded, smiling again. “Okay,” she said, watching her. “But… you claim he made an unforgiveable mistake?”</p><p>She looked up, “I never said I wouldn’t forgive him.”</p><p>“Yes,” Mlle. Abreo said, nodding in agreement. “But you haven’t yet, right?”</p><p>She looked down, “No,” she said quietly.</p><p>“So…” she said, drawing out the vowel. “You’re still angry?”</p><p>She nodded, “Yes… but I don’t want to be.”</p><p>Mlle. Abreo grew an understanding look, “I understand,” she said. “Have you let him in at all?”</p><p>She met her mentor’s eyes, “Yeah… a few nights ago.”</p><p>She smiled, “That’s good! That’s progress right there,” she said, her tone enthusiastic. “Why did you let him in?”</p><p>She sighed, “Because I needed him.”</p><p>“Now, here’s the catch,” she said, winking at her. “Did he walk away when you needed him?”</p><p>Marinette felt her stomach drop as she jolted her head up, “N-No.”</p><p>She nodded, “There’s your answer,” and she leaned back with a satisfied look on her face.</p><p>But Marinette was still confused. How could one let someone in when all they’ve done was selfish things?</p><p>“B-But he did the one thing we were preventing from happening!” she said, exasperated. “I was okay with… with what was happening, but he wasn’t! He did something dark to me!” she said, her anger rising. “What he did was selfish! And uncalled for, and… it…” she trailed off, finding the next words difficult to say. “He… he made me lose <em>everything.</em>”</p><p>Mlle. Abreo nodded, understanding what she was saying. “Let me get this straight,” she said, using her hands as she repeated the words back to her. “He saved you from something bad happening to you, but in turn it gave you this dark presence inside you that has made it almost unbearable some days.”</p><p>“Yes!” Marinette cried, both thankful and disappointed that someone was understanding her.</p><p>“And what he did to you…” she said, trailing off. “Was it selfish of him?”</p><p>“Yes!” she said again.</p><p>“Even though, when you pushed him away, he stayed and listened and was there for you in some of your dark moments?” she asked.</p><p>Marinette faltered, “Uh, yeah.”</p><p>“And it was all about you?” she continued.</p><p>She furrowed her eyebrows, “Yes?”</p><p>“Final question,” she said, gesturing at her. “You said he… did the thing he wasn’t supposed to do to save you?”</p><p>Marinette was downright confused by this. “… Y-Yes?”</p><p>Mlle. Abreo smiled, leaning back in her chair and bringing her still steaming tea back to her mouth. “Doesn’t sound selfish to me.”</p><p>Marinette, regaining her bearings, gave her a look, “You’re taking his side in this.”</p><p>“Quite the opposite, actually,” she said, leaning forward and putting her teacup back on the table. “I’m taking your side.”</p><p>Marinette was even more confused now, with her words jumping back and forth with being on her side to his to being on her side again before she defended both Alya and Chat without knowing their names. It made her feel disorganized and uncomfortable, which made her sit there in complete silence for a full minute, contemplating the very confusing conversation she was trying to dissect.</p><p>“So…” she said, trailing off and glancing at her mentor. “What do you suggest?”</p><p>She smiled widely, “Stop suppressing your anger, <em>Marinetta,” </em>she said, a playful glint in her eyes. “Just let it all out to him, let it out… then see where it goes from there.”</p><p>Marinette sighed, giving up on arguing. “I can’t exactly see how that should help.”</p><p>Mlle. Abreo gave her a knowing look, “You’d be surprised.” </p><p>.             .             .</p><p>At this point, Marinette was skeptical. As she stared at her two best friends, the brunette and blond girls sitting on her floor with her while eating ice cream in the late afternoon day while Friends played in the background, she wondered about Mlle. Abreo’s words just a few days before.</p><p>They didn’t have class tomorrow, mostly due to the teacher being sick, so they decided to spend the night at Marinette’s VERY amazing and totally NOT messy apartment.</p><p>However, a certain mangy cat and a red polka dotted superhero had joined patrol tomorrow night, and she was nervous.</p><p>Yes, he had been joining her in her apartment for no longer than an hour or two a night, dropping by casually and asking her how she was doing, what she was up to, <em>what she wanted to tell him. </em></p><p>She believed he somehow knew about the things she was holding back, the certain things she was protecting him from, even though he claimed he didn’t need to be protected like that. He wanted to be there for her, even in her darkest moments, even when she was keeping dark and heavy secrets from him. Maybe that’s what made her heart both flutter and tug painfully in whatever direction he was, calling out to him to come see her tonight.</p><p>She wanted him here, so she could convince herself to talk to him. Convince herself to open up with him again, it was so hard and yet <em>so easy</em> to let him know that she was hurting inside. She was so set on convincing herself to do so, she ended up doing the complete opposite, the sight of his concerned eyes and worried lip as she told him small painful details.</p><p>Her defense mechanism went off, and it screamed at her to shut off, shut down, and run out.</p><p>This wasn’t because she was scared or nervous to talk to him, even though she was, but only because she knew he wouldn’t react well. He would blame himself, start worrying about her and soon enough he would be beating himself up about it. She wasn’t doing this to herself because of him, she was doing this to herself so that she could<em> feel </em>something other than the pain in her chest for once.</p><p>She kept these things from him because they could hurt him. He would freak himself out about it, and she doesn’t think she’ll be able to stay together like the fragile pitcher she was. Filled to the brim with water as her foundation shook violently, making little splashes spill over the side, while still leaving behind a big part of her hurt.</p><p>Marinette couldn’t place exactly why she spoke up, interrupting Chanel’s short story about the time where she accidentally killed her beta fish in under a day. All she could remember, was feeling the strong need to have someone tell her what to do about this hectic, confusing and heavily frustrating situation. Chanel and Claire were usually very good at pointing out the correct things to do, despite their slurred tones and their sarcastic remarks, they were good people, and they were good to her.</p><p>“Hey guys?” Marinette asked, setting her ice cream down while pulling her knees to her chin. “Can I ask you something?”</p><p>Claire took another large bite of vanilla ice cream, swallowing it with a satisfied look on her face. “Shoot,” she said, her mouth full of dairy and her eyes on Marinette.</p><p>She hesitated for a moment, picking at her fuzzy socks while staring at her toes that shifted restlessly in the fabric. It took a while for her to formulate the right words and the right questions, but as they came out of her mouth unapproved by her (blame the desperation), she realized that, despite the lack of a filter, the words were straight forward and honestly what she needed an answer to.</p><p>“When do you…” she trialed off, her friends stalling their bites of ice cream as they caught on to the trepidation in her voice. “When do you forgive someone?” she asked, looking at them expectably.</p><p>Claire looked over at Chanel, their eyes having a secret discussion with each other that lasted mere seconds as they turned back to her with a newfound knowledge.</p><p>“Right away,” Chanel finally said.</p><p>Marinette blanched, “What?” she asked incredulously, glancing between them. “But… how?”</p><p>“I sometimes slap them,” Chanel said, smiling as she picked at her ice cream bowl. When she noticed the shocked look on her friend’s faces her eyes widened and she rushed into it. “No, no, I mean… I only slap them if they <em>really </em>decided to test me that time,” she said, swallowing the last bite of ice cream before setting her bowl to the side. “I guess you could say it’s a coping mechanism for me. If someone does something really dumb and stupid, than it’s better for me to get my anger out on them right away so I can forgive them later when I’m cooled off a bit,” she shrugged, “Well, right after I stomp away seething, of course.”</p><p>“Yeah, well,” Claire said, jumping in and also setting her empty bowl to the side. “Taking part of what Chanel said, is I try to get all my anger out, not physically harming them, but more of a yelling or shouting situation.” She paused, looking down and fixed the folded cuffs of her jeans. “That’s how I forgive someone.”</p><p>Marinette looked at them both in confusion, knitting her eyebrows together. “But…” she said, trailing off. “But, I’m trying to let it go so I can move on from it, but I just…” she shook her head and rubbed her calves, “I can’t.”</p><p>“Marinette,” Chanel said, leaning forward. “You’ve got that mixed up.” She rubbed her arms as she thought about the words, she was she was going to say next and finally, she spoke. “Forgiving someone isn’t a twostep process, it’s only a single action,” she said, smiling. “It’s forgiving them so that you could move on, and doing it is a single action, not a step by step process.”</p><p>“Forgiveness starts with accepting what they did is human, and that you could’ve easily made that same mistake,” Chanel said, pausing as the words affected Marinette, her glancing down at her feet with a startled look on her face. She continued, “It’s hypocritical to not forgive someone because you’re basically blaming them for being human when you are exactly the same way.”</p><p>“You’ve made mistakes,” Claire jumped in, agreeing. “You’ve had your fair share of screw ups, so has everyone else. So, is this person perfect? Are <em>you </em>perfect?” She shook her head, “No one is perfect, Marinette, people are flawed, unworthy and pretty much screwed the hell up,” she paused, letting her words sink in, “But that doesn’t make us expendable. We are worthy of each other because we are completely <em>unworthy </em>of each other. Which makes us all human, which makes us all equally susceptible to making mistakes.”</p><p>“Moving on is pressing forward and using that mistake as a lesson for future reference, keeping it in the back of our minds to remind ourselves that people are not perfect, and they mess up just as much as everyone else,” Chanel said, smiling at the two other girls. “Moving on is about laying your pride at your feet and slowly, but surely, leading to letting it go.”</p><p>“Letting go is what it is, letting go,” Claire said, smirking at her ‘word play.’ “Letting go of whatever guilt, shame, or anger you still have for the situation and just… well, letting it go.” She shrugged, “Because, honestly, no one wants to carry around unwanted baggage they don’t need. Forgiveness isn’t about giving the other person relief; it’s about giving yourself relief.”</p><p>“Because,” Chanel said, jumping in with a flick of her spoon and a glint in her eyes. “It’s almost like you’re carrying around this heaviness, this presence or this—”</p><p>“Darkness?” Marinette said, looking up at her friends.</p><p>Claire nodded, “Yeah,” she said, turning to Chanel with an approving look. “Yeah, something like that.”</p><p>Marinette nodded, “So,” she paused, waiting for their attention. “What should I do then?”</p><p>Claire shrugged, “That’s up to you, a lot of people in life are perfectly happy going through life and never forgiving a single soul,” she eyed her, “But not you, considering the sweet and innocent girl you are.”</p><p>Marinette rolled her eyes, “Whatever.”</p><p>They all chuckled lowly at the dry humor.</p><p>“Forgiveness is a beautiful thing,” Chanel said, looking up with a wistful look on her face. “It’s like replacing a broken light bulb with a new one,” she smiled widely, “Chasing away the darkness the previous one couldn’t fight anymore.”</p><p>“Replace your light bulbs, Marinette,” Claire said, a teasing but sure tone in her voice. “I can literally tell you’re dimming out.”</p><p>.             .             .</p><p>He stood like a ghost on top of the Notre Dame, leaning on the side of the building while overlooking the city of lights, the warm glow mocking their situation.</p><p>Ladybug landed with a light thud on the roof, Chat Noir’s cat ears perking up in attention and he turned towards her, his concerned and tired eyes settling over her with a tint of warmth that made her feel a little better.</p><p>When their eyes met, however, everything stopped, and the two superheroes of Paris froze in each other’s line of sight. Their eyes were wide and scared, almost as if they might jump out and scare one another until their hearts stopped beating.</p><p>But with the fear, came a sense of warmth, that completely left Ladybug breathless as Chat opened his mouth to speak.</p><p>“My Lady?” he asked, the hesitance in his voice so loud and saddening.</p><p>But nevertheless, the old nickname still had the ability to leave her completely shattered.</p><p>“Chat,” she said, her knee bobbing nervously as she stared at him. “I’m ready to talk now.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I'll see you next week on Tuesday and Thursday for Chapters 9 and 10!</p><p>Thanks for reading!!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Hate</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Ladybug has a flashback of a traumatic event, and Chat Noir and her finally talk it out.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>So sorry this is late!!</p><p>Enjoy :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chapter 9: Hate</p><p> </p><p>Those were the brighter days. At least, from what she could remember. The brighter days were all before everything happened, before she fell into this, what seemed endless pit that made her feel small and alone. All before she crashed landed into the deep ocean and started drowning, barely keeping her head above water as she fought to stay alive.</p><p>This was all before that.</p><p>She guessed they were brighter days because things were so much easier and simpler. Imagine, simple days were Marinette would stumble all over her words, and feet, in front to the one person she was in love with. The days where she would stay up past midnight with her brunette best friend, watching chic flics and discussing Ladybug theories. Or, if she was lucky, late night patrols filled with laughing, teasing and even more flirting from her favorite person in the world.</p><p>Favorite person because… well, he knew her. Even five years later, he still knew who she was, what she needed, and how to be pushed. He just… knew her.</p><p>That warmed her heart a little too much and made her want to run to him, laughing as she flung herself into his arms. Using her momentum against her, he would wrap his arms around her like a protective shield, flinging her around as her laughter echoed around Paris for all to hear, making them all believe that <em>he was hers</em>.</p><p>It was easier back then to admit to herself that she had feelings for him, that she needed him more than she believed she did. Not just for their superhero duo to work, but so that <em>she </em>could work.</p><p>There was just something about him, maybe it was his fond smile, his cocky attitude, his gentle touch, something like that. Or maybe it was the way his cat ears perked up when she spoke, or the way he would reach out and take her hand, kissing her knuckles and making her blush up a storm. But maybe if was the way his eyes softened when she complimented him or told him something personal about her civilian life.</p><p>She doesn’t remember when exactly she started falling for him, maybe it was secretly when they first met, or when he gave her that rose and kissed her cheek. She doesn’t even remember what her last words were, but she was a little nervous what they could’ve been since the last thing she does remember seeing was wide, shocked green eyes. Those precious, sad, and incredibly angry eyes that stared back into hers as she slowly saw black.</p><p>Luckily, or maybe unluckily in her case, her brain remembered for her when she started falling for him, and it was one of the worst days of her life.</p><p>Except, it also wasn’t.</p><p>These definitely were the brighter days.</p><p>.             .             .</p><p>“Chat Noir! Behind you!” Ladybug yelled, watching as a large fireball flew over her head and straight for her superhero partner.</p><p>Chat jumped out of the way just in time, rolling to the side and stopping with his baton raised, sneering at the akumatised victim.</p><p>“That was the wrong move, buddy!” he yelled, right before having to jump out of the way again and narrowly missing another fireball that zoomed right into a building just to his right.</p><p>Ladybug jumped out of the way as well, before ducking behind a car that was banged up from the violent akuma. This particular akuma was a fireman, who was recently wrongly accused of setting a house on fire, and since he was wrongly accused, might as well play the part if no one believes you.</p><p>Chat ducked under her cover as well and gave her a sideways grin, a wicked look on his face as he kneeled next to her.</p><p>“This akuma’s a real hot head, huh?” he said, his voice teasing.</p><p>Ladybug was just about done with him, giving him a half-lidded look before saying, “That was your tenth pun in the last five minutes.” She peeked around the corner of the car and ducked back just in time as a blazing wave of heat and flames flew past her face. She looked back at her feline friend, giving him an annoyed look, “Stop it, okay?”</p><p>His grin only widened, “Can’t stop the humor, My Lady,” he said, shrugging his shoulders with a playful look in his eyes. “I can’t control these puns, they kinda just appear.”</p><p>“Yeah?” she said, looking back at him with a disapproving look. “Well it’s distracting me!”</p><p>His face lit up, “I’m distracting you?! Wait! No, hold on—”</p><p>Ladybug raised an eyebrow at him as he raked his long-clawed fingers through his ragged blond hair, pushing back his locks and exposing more of his skin. A few pieces fell back over his eyes, but most of it stayed back because his hair has gotten so long. He shook his head, making a dramatic show of his hair flying around like the Loreal model he was.</p><p>Finally, he fixed her with a very… unexpectedly hot look as he leaned closer to watch her cheeks flare up.</p><p>“Am I too distracting for you, My Lady?” he asked, his voice low and deep.</p><p>Ladybug’s jaw dropped as she felt herself pined to her spot, her body and mind refusing to respond to anything external.</p><p>Well, before Chat laid a hand on her shoulder.</p><p>“Ladybug?” he asked, his eyes showing concern. “Are you okay?”</p><p>Her brain jumpstarted and she flinched under his touch, feeling like the palms of his hands were burning a hole into her suit.</p><p>“Yeah! I’m great! There’s still an akuma! So let’s—let’s get over there!” she said, her face burning from her sudden rush of both wanting his hands off her, but also wanted him to continue touching her. She doesn’t remember saying anything else except for him to follow her as she jumped to the side and continued battling the akuma.</p><p>A little more into the battle, Ladybug ducked behind her yo-yo, shielding both herself and Chat who stood behind her with a curious look in his eyes.</p><p>“Seriously, My Lady, are you okay?” he asked, his voice still filled with concern for. She tried not to let his comforting voice distract her. “Are you hot? Are you getting feverish?”</p><p>“No!” she cried, before retracting her yo-yo and flinging it towards the akuma who dove out of the way.</p><p>“So…” he said, also jumping to the side as a few small blazes of fire flew past him. He fixed her with a curious look, a small smile creeping up his face. “You are distracted then?”</p><p>She didn’t answer, instead, rolling to the side and avoiding another attack. This was <em>not </em>the time.</p><p>Chat’s face lit up as he dodged his own attack, giving her a bright look as the sun shone in his eyes. “So, I am distracting you!”</p><p>“Chat Noir!” she yelled furiously, fixing him with a glare. “Focus!”</p><p>He grinned before running to her, throwing himself at her so unexpectantly she shrieked right as his body crashed into hers, making her fall backwards and holding onto him. Right after they crashed to the hard ground, limbs flailing, a wave of heat passed over them. A fireball landed right next to them, where Ladybug had been standing, if Chat hadn’t pushed her out of the way, she could’ve been smoked to smithereens.</p><p>“My Lady?” he said, his smug voice coming through.</p><p>She looked back up and found him above her, giving her a soft look with his eyes, but a cocky smile was plastered on his face. She doesn’t know why, but she was addicted to that look, the way how he showed his care for her through a look and also showing off his victory in the fact that, yes, she was affected by him.</p><p>“Have I ever told you,” he said, giving her a once over, making her face redden. “You turn my world upside down?”</p><p>She suddenly felt like she was on fire, everywhere he touched her, his suit making contact with hers, made it feel like she was burning. Her heart started pounding harder in her chest, making her look up into his eyes nervously, wondering if he could hear it.</p><p>“Uh…” she said dumbly, swallowing a large, nervous lump in her throat as she stared up into those patient, cocky, soft eyes that watched her carefully. “I-I think that we should—um—like m-mo—WATCH OUT!”</p><p>She grabbed onto him and used her strength to roll over him, making him land on his back with a huff as Ladybug landed on his chest, her hands pressed against his very solid pecs. She looked down at him with wide eyes, finding herself straddling his own hips now and staring intensely into his eyes, too shocked to look away.</p><p>She wasn’t in shock for long as Chat grabbed her wrist and pulled her down, rolling again only until he rose to one knee, looking in the direction of the akuma. He jumped out of the way as another attack hit, before running across the rooftops and avoiding all attacks.</p><p>Finally, they were able to find an alcove below the rooftops, shielded by a balcony above them, and giving them just enough room to stand up. Chat held her by the waist with one arm while holding his baton in his other, her body pressed against his as they watched the Fireman fly over them, shouting in rage and then disappearing in the other direction.</p><p>Ladybug watched the corner he disappeared around, her eyes squinting in that direction.</p><p>“I think he’s gone now,” she said, subconsciously scooting closer to him.</p><p>He responded with pulling her closer. “Yeah, I don’t see him anywhere.”</p><p>She nodded before looking up at him as a wave of gratitude hit her so suddenly, she almost fell over. Time and time again, Chat Noir never failed her, never made her have one doubt, and he always came running, especially when she was in danger. </p><p>“Thank you for saving me, <em>Chaton</em>,” she said, smiling softly up at him.</p><p>He looked down at her, “Of course, My Lady,” he said, a glint in his eyes.</p><p>She smiled up at him before looking down at their touching bodies, pressed tightly and closely to each other, making a wave of heat hit her face yet again. What was up with her today?</p><p>“Uh, Chat?” she said, looking up at him hesitantly, only to find his gentle gaze staring down at her all ogle eyed.</p><p>“Yeah?” he said, his voice slurred like he was drunk.</p><p>Her lips twitched as she suppressed a smile, holding back a giggle at his adorable expression.</p><p>
  <em>Hold up—</em>
</p><p>“You can let go of me now,” she said, almost not wanting him to.</p><p>His face grew red so suddenly, Ladybug furrowed her eyebrows together in concern for him. He finally laughed nervously before stepping away from her, reaching up and scratching the back of her neck.</p><p>“S-sorry,” he said, looking at her like she might slap him.</p><p>She smiled fondly at him, “It’s okay Kitty!” she said, before getting her yo-yo from around her waist. “I like being close to you!” and then she flew off.</p><p>Why she said it, she doesn’t know. All she knew was that she loved the way his cheeks refused to return to normal afterward. She loved the way he bantered after her, endlessly pursuing his lady in the race to the akuma and making her laugh. She wished she hadn’t made him step away so soon, she found herself missing the comforting and warm feeling she got as he snaked his arm around her. His warm presence was unlike anyone she has ever been with, so soft and comforting. Almost like if she could build a fire with his presence, she knew she would never get cold, because he was the reason this fire was burning in her chest.</p><p>She also found herself not wanting this warm feeling to stop.</p><p>So, she let it burn.</p><p>Well, that is until Chat Noir took a blow for her.</p><p>“Just because you’re almost eighteen, doesn’t mean you get to tell me what to do!” Chat yelled after her, chuckling in the distance while avoiding fireballs. They found the Fireman about two minutes ago, and after trying to sneak up on him to surprise him failed (blame the cat who let it out of the bag), they were now avoiding flaming balls of heat. Yay.</p><p>Ladybug let out an inhumane noise as she just missed a flaming ball of heat by her mere face hairs, before rolling off to the side and throwing Chat an irritated look.</p><p>“You don’t have to follow me! You’re the one older than me!” she yelled, before having to move as another ball flew past her. “Besides, Kitty Noir,” she called, teasing in her voice. “Don’t you like to be <em>ordered </em>around?”</p><p>Chat gave her a wicked grin, “Ah, has My Lady finally decided to return my affection?”</p><p>She laughed, before running up to him and pulling his arm just as another ball of flames flew past him. “If your display of affection is really that shallow,” she shook her head, before giving him a sassy look. “Then I don’t want any part of it!”</p><p>He knew it was a tease, but he softened a bit, pulling her wrist back to him and shoving her behind him, raising his baton and twirling it to avoid getting hit by a wave of flames.</p><p>“Well then,” he said, giving her a grin while glancing at her. “How would you like me to <em>display my affection</em>, for you, My Lady?”</p><p>She rolled her eyes, before patting him on the shoulder, “You can start by continuing to block those flames.”</p><p>He grinned at her, and for a second, everything stilled, and Ladybug was caught between the job she was supposed to be doing, and the green eyes keeping her pinned to her spot. The moment was so precious she wanted to bottle it up and watch it forever, so that, after everything and after it was all done, she could watch it again, and live it over and over. She wanted this moment to last forever, so that she could stay in it, forever. It was beautiful, the way something as simple as a look, could make you feel this way.</p><p>The moment came to a sudden end.</p><p>Something large, orange and filled with heat caught her attention and she looked past Chat, and completely went still with shock.</p><p>“Chat—” she had no time to properly react, because Chat had noticed it to and stopped twirling his baton. He dove for her, crashing on top of her and shielding her completely from the wave of heat that overtook them.</p><p>Chat, however, wasn’t so lucky.</p><p>He cried out in pain as the flames hit his back, the intense heat searing his back and making him tense and sweat above her. She could feel the flames ripping and tearing at his suit, meeting his bare skin and bubbling against it. She tried to cry out to him, but the heat was to intense that she couldn’t suck in a good breath without her mouth feeling like it was burning.</p><p>Finally, the flames ended, and Chat looked down at her with a shocked look on his face. They didn’t move for a long moment, both of them terrified for what he just did.</p><p>Chat’s eyes suddenly rolled back in his head and he went limp, collapsing on top of her and making her lungs feel like they were being squeezed.</p><p>“Chat!” she cried, tapping his side desperately, both out of concern and the need to breath. “Chat! Please wake up!”</p><p>He didn’t respond, and this only added to her fear as she waited impatiently for his response that never followed her desperate cries for him.</p><p>“Please!” she begged, feeling tears in the corners of her eyes. “Chat! Please, please wake up! I need you!”</p><p>Nothing.</p><p>“Chat!” she cried. “Chat, I’m begging you.”</p><p>There was nothing.</p><p>She sobbed, before somehow finding the strength and carefully crawling out from under him. When she was no longer confined from him, she looked down at him, lying on his stomach, and unconscious. She was horrified by the sight of his wounds, even thought she expected as much of this injury. His suit was burned off, leaving his smooth skin that was black and charred, some places insanely red and blistering. There wasn’t much blood, only occasionally popping from the blisters and the places that were the worst charred.</p><p>“Oh…” she said, not daring to touch him in case it hurt him. “Oh… Chat,” she said, shaking her head and looking down at his closed eyes. “What did you do?”</p><p>“Something stupid and uncalled for!” the akuma yelled, making Ladybug whip around in both fear in anger at the sound of his voice. “Just like blaming someone for something they didn’t do!”</p><p>“You’re going to pay for this!” Ladybug yelled, before stepping forward while calling upon her Lucky Charm. It was a water hose, perfect! Now if she could just find…</p><p>She caught a glimpse of red in her peripherals and looked to see a fire hydrant just a few feet away from the building she was on top of.</p><p>She jumped off the roof and landed at the bottom, running after the fire hydrant with the heavy hose in her arms, almost stumbling over the wayward hose as it flew behind her. She could hear the Fireman screaming after her, running after her and gaining on her tail. She jumped for the fire hydrant, just in time as the akuma tried grabbing her hair, and she swung around it, missing the akuma’s hands. She quickly screwed on the other end before jumping back and pulling the handles on both the hose and the hydrant.</p><p>Water gushed from the end of the hose, making the akuma fly backwards from the impact, screaming from the cold water as it pushed her back. She heard a huge crack against the opposite wall of another building, and from the heavy stream of water came a purple butterfly as it flew from the air.</p><p>Ladybug quickly cleansed it, before grabbing the hose and reeling back. “Miraculous Ladybug!” she called, and the object exploded in the air as the ladybugs flew around Paris, putting everything back to the way it was.</p><p>“My Lady!”</p><p>She whipped around, to see a standing, confused and very <em>alive</em>, Chat Noir, who looked down at her with his eyebrows furrowed.</p><p>“What happened?” he asked, looking around. “Did I miss all the action <em>again?</em>” he asked, disappointment in his voice. “Man, this always happens!”</p><p>Ladybug stared at him for a long moment, before using her yo-yo and swinging up to him, stopping a few feet from him and watching him with an unreadable expression on her face.</p><p>“I’m sorry you had to do this on your own,” he said, giving her an apologetic look. “Really, I don’t mean to get hit all the time. But my mind kinda is like—Ladybug’s safety first—eh, I don’t know. If you’re mad with me about it, I totally understand, I’ll give you space and—”</p><p>He was suddenly cut off by Ladybug crashing into him, her arms wrapping around his torso tightly as he stumbled backwards, not expecting her fierce hug.</p><p>“I thought I lost you!” she cried, sobbing into his chest. “Don’t scare me like that!”</p><p>Ladybug didn’t feel him react to her for about twenty long seconds, until he finally laid a gentle hand on her back, rubbing his hands up and down her back in comfort. He buried his face in her neck, inhaling deeply like he was trying to smell the tears that ran down her cheeks and neck.</p><p>“You’re not losing me, My Lady,” he said, squeezing her tighter. “I promise.”</p><p>There was a long silence where they didn’t say anything, and Ladybug basked in his bright and beautiful presence that made her feel warm, safe, and secure.</p><p>“Ladybug?”</p><p>She hummed in response.</p><p>“Ladybug?”</p><p>She opened her eyes, confused. It was Chat’s voice, but why did it sound a lot more distant than it should be. Why did he seem far away? She didn’t want him far away.</p><p>“Ladybug?”</p><p>“What?” she asked, leaning back to look at him. “What is it?”</p><p>But this time, his lips didn’t move as his voice echoed around the walls of her head, making her feel dizzy, confused, and almost a little panicky.</p><p>“Chat?” she asked, looking up at him.</p><p>“Ladybug?”</p><p>His lips still wouldn’t move from the voice that was supposedly his, which made her still in his arms, a hesitant fear in her stomach, making it twist into knots. She shook her head as fear entered her chest. Her face contorted violently, and she looked down, pulling out of his embrace and forcing the wave of emotions back.</p><p>“You’re not him,” she said, stepping back and looking up at him. “You’re not Chat Noir.”</p><p>“Yes, I am,” he said, his lips not moving. “I’m right here, My Lady.”</p><p>“No,” she said, turning from him. “Get out of my head!”</p><p>“Ladybug…” the voice was so gentle, so tender, so caring. She almost wanted to give in to it, to feel his rumbling voice as he pulled her deeper and deeper into the hallucination.</p><p>But she also knew, even the hallucination would be ripped from her grasp eventually as well.</p><p>“Hey, I’ve got you, okay? You’re okay.”</p><p>She shook her head, “Stop…”</p><p>“My Lady, please come out,” he begged, his voice full of pain. “Please… <em>please </em>come back.”</p><p>She was silent.</p><p>“Come back,” he said again, his breath on her nose but he wasn’t close enough for that to be possible. “My Lady,” he said, his gentle voice echoing in her mind. “Come back to me.”</p><p>She suddenly inhaled loudly, her real eyes widening quickly as she looked around her, the panic in her chest starting to rise as she focused up on Chat Noir, who held her wrists delicately and stared down at her in concern. Relief passed through his eyes as her own glanced into his, giving him enough reassurance that she was out of the flashback that randomly came out of nowhere.</p><p>She looked around her, confused at the foreign place, confused why she was standing on a rooftop in the middle of the night with Chat Noir holding her wrists so gently and giving her a concerned look.</p><p>“What—” she looked back up at him. “What happened?”</p><p>He knitted his eyebrows together, “I could ask you the same thing.”</p><p>She squinted her eyes at him. “What? I don’t know what happened, all I remember—” she stopped, faltering as the images came rushing back, images of flames rushing over her, making Chat scream above her as he took yet another blow for her. She doesn’t remember a day in her life where she has been more terrified, and the fact that he wasn’t waking up, his eyes refusing to meet hers…</p><p>If she had failed…</p><p>She looked back up at Chat, to find his eyes studying her calmly, filled with a concern for her that broke her heart a little. His eyes focused solely on her, searching her own for anything he could latch onto, bring out, then sooth the pain with his hushed voice and his gentle touch. His lips were slightly parted and turned downwards in a frown, making his face look unnaturally gloomy in the moonlight.</p><p>Chat Noir was not the kind of person that should be sad, or even look sad. He had a naturally bright face, his smile having the ability to light up the entire city or, even harder, her darkened soul. His eyes usually glinted with a playfulness that was completely endearing, and the very thought of him saying something sweet or downright adorable, made her want to stuff him in a blanket and take him home.</p><p>He was just about the sweetest person she knew, and she was kind of mad that she hasn’t realized that until now. She counted on his playfulness to lighten the pressure of battle or to help keep her calm in the midst of some of the worst situations. His ability to keep calm was her anchor, therefore keeping her calm.</p><p>The only thing that wasn’t calm at the moment was her heart, pounding painfully against her rib cage, responding to his close proximity.</p><p>“Nothing,” she said, finally responding to his question as she hesitantly pulled out of his grip, her body screaming in protest. She stepped back a couple feet, staring down at the ground to avoid his eyes. “It was nothing, Chat.”</p><p>But, like Chat was, he knew her to well.</p><p>“I thought we were gonna talk,” he said, breaking the heavy silence.</p><p>She looked back up at him, “We will.”</p><p>He stared at her, before breathing in slowly and then letting the air leave his lungs for a long time, the length of time becoming awkward between them as he watched her carefully.</p><p>“If we’re gonna talk,” he said, taking a hesitant step forward, looking at her tentatively. “Then we gotta open up to each other,” he said, tilting his head at her and giving her a soft look. “I’m willing if you are.”</p><p>She huffed, looking him in the eyed again, “I thought I was the one that needed to open up.”</p><p>He gave her a patient smile, his eyes softening. “We both have some baggage to get off our chests, right?”</p><p>She stared at him for a moment, before slowly nodding in agreement. “Yeah,” she said, locking eyes with him, “I guess you’re right.”</p><p>He nodded, “We can start slowly, if you want.” He paused, studying her as she grew a nervous look on her face and he stepped forward again, reaching out to her but not touching her either. “I can go first,” he suggested, and Ladybug felt about a few hundred pounds being lifted off her.</p><p>She nodded at him again and then waited patiently for him to continue.</p><p>It took a long moment for him to open his mouth again and speak, occasionally opening his mouth and then closing it as he backed off, not wanting to say whatever he was going to say.  </p><p>Finally, he looked back up at her and spoke.</p><p>“I didn’t want to leave,” he said, pausing as the words hung between them in the empty air. He shifted uncomfortably on his feet as he avoided her gaze in shame. “It’s not like I had a choice. The people that were taking care of me, didn’t give me much of one… just to, pack up and leave.”</p><p>“Your parents?” Ladybug asked, her voice hesitant.</p><p>He paused, before looking up at her with a ghost like expression.</p><p>“No,” he said, sadness in his voice. “No… I’m… I don’t have any.”</p><p>Ladybug stilled, a chill running down her spine along with a sense of guilt that she wore shamefully. He had no one his whole life? And he never told her? And she treated him so poorly… just what has Chat Noir been through?</p><p>“Oh,” was all she could say, looking down and feeling like she couldn’t say anything, her mind drawing a blank. “Oh… Chat, I’m sorry.”</p><p>He brushed it off, “It’s fine, it was a long time ago, and I’m over it now.” He looked up and a glint of guilt passed through his eyes when he saw her own guilty expression.</p><p>“My Lady,” he said gently, watching as her shoulders relaxed at the nickname. “You don’t need to feel bad about it. You didn’t know.”</p><p>“Why didn’t you tell me?” she asked, meeting his eyes, making him falter. “Why wouldn’t you let me see that side of you?”</p><p>He gave her an unreadable expression, “You were pushing me away, Marinette.” He shrugged, “It would be a little…”</p><p>She stared at him, as her eyes recognized what he was trying to say. “Hypocritical?”</p><p>He flinched, “I didn’t say that.”</p><p>“But you were thinking it,” she said, a slight shudder in her voice that made him soften at her, looking up to see that she had turned from him, facing the city lights with her back towards him.</p><p>He huffed, “You’re doing it again.”</p><p>She turned back, giving him a careful look, “Doing what?”</p><p>“Locking yourself down,” he said, stepping forward once. “Pushing people away. Not letting anyone see you.” He gave her a helpless and slightly irritated look, “I can’t help you if you continue to do that.”</p><p>“Who said I wanted your help?” she said suddenly. She hadn’t meant to say the words, they just slipped out in her annoyance of him, but she didn’t mean them at all. This was her defense mechanism activating, trying to push people away as best as she could before they got too close.</p><p>She regretted the words as she watched Chat’s hurt face morph from hurt to slight anger.</p><p>“Fine,” he said through gritted teeth, and turned away.</p><p>She felt her heart drop, “No, Chat—” she called, reaching out to his ghost. “<em>Please</em>.”</p><p>He stopped, his back still turned to her as the silence and hurt in both of their chests slowly turned from anger, hurt and loss to a painful ache that could only be soothed by the other. An ache that longed for their presence, their touch, and something that felt real and good for once.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” she said quietly, looking at her feet. “I didn’t mean—”</p><p>“I know,” he said, sighing as he turned back to her. “I know. I’m sorry I ran, that’s—” he shook his head, shutting his eyes and bowing his head. “We need to stop doing that.”</p><p>She nodded, feeling the ache slightly lessen as he stood in front of her, still there, still here for her.</p><p>She took a deep breath and opened up her mouth to speak.</p><p>“I didn’t want you to leave either,” she said, looking up and meeting his eyes. “Just because I was… mad, doesn’t mean I still wanted—<em>needed—</em>you there,” she said, making sure her words were the truth as they came out. “I think… I was mostly hurt because you left.”</p><p>He nodded, “Because I left… you.”</p><p>She stilled, before nodding in agreement.</p><p>There was a long silence that passed over them, a silence that stretched beyond a couple minutes. It stayed that way for a long time, mostly because the other had no idea what to say next, like saying something wrong could break what fragile thing they held in each other’s hands. The fragility of their situation made Ladybug want to cry, because she hated how delicate and careful she had to be with this. It used to be so easy with him, like a click of a seatbelt or a Lego piece fitting right in place. She wanted things back to normal, like how they used to be… maybe a little different but that was besides the point. She wanted him back into her life, a more personal and deeper relationship and partnership between them, something that could make her feel safe, happy, and whole with him.</p><p>They were yin and yang, after all.</p><p>“I’m sorry.”</p><p>His voice startled her, and she flinched, forgetting he was there for a second as she looked up, confused between being relieved or regretful that he was there.</p><p>“Sorry?” she asked.</p><p>He nodded hesitantly, “Yeah,” he said, and swallowed loudly. “I’m sorry I put you through a lot…” he shook his head, looking down in shame. “I put you through <em>so much</em>, and I—” he looked back up at her, his eyes misting. “The scary part is that I don’t regret it.”</p><p>She faltered, “Regret what?”</p><p>He paused, giving her a helpless look before continuing with a heaviness on his shoulders that wasn’t there a moment ago.</p><p>“I don’t regret bringing you back,” he said, his voice tight like he might start crying. “I know… I know you said that it was the wrong move, and I know it wasn’t something I should’ve done because I shouldn’t—I’m not worthy to choose who lives and who dies but—” he stopped, stepping up to her and crowding her space and giving her a helpless look that was so sad and depressing, Ladybug almost reached out to him. “But it was <em>you.</em>”</p><p>She gave him a soft look, “Chat…”</p><p>“It was <em>you,</em>” his face contorted, and he covered his face with his hands, sobbing horribly into them. “Ladybug, I don’t know what I would’ve done!” He cried, not looking at her. “After everything and everyone I lost, I couldn’t lose you to!” he cried, his voice desperate and cracked from emotion.</p><p>Ladybug has never seen a grown man cry before, and if she ever thought they cried, it was from an injury or losing a match of Ultimate Mecha Strike III to a girl. She never thought she would live to see the day she would witness a grown man, especially someone as strong as Chat, completely break down in sobs in front of her.</p><p>“I couldn’t…” he said, his voice softer and still rough with emotion. He closed his eyes and stared down at his feet, “If I had just moved on from it, if I had just lived the rest of my life without you…” he trailed off, before looking back up into her eyes, searching them desperately. “I don’t know how long I could’ve lasted without you.”</p><p>Ladybug stared up at him with wide eyes, and felt a twinge of something inside her, a painful pinch in her heart that sent a wave of different emotions through her body. Seeing Chat like that made her sad, wanting to bring him in for a hug, but she didn’t and that frustrated her. Seeing him crying over her death when she was standing right there made her angry, because no one has been there for either of them, and that made her want to yell and scream at everyone who had the opportunity and didn’t.</p><p>She also felt pissed. She doesn’t know why, especially with the wave of confusing emotions running through her veins, but the sight of him being sadder than her pissed her off. Yes, life sucked, but she sometimes wished someone would give her attention for once.</p><p>But she was a hypocrite saying that. She was the one pushing people away.</p><p>She also knew it was wrong to blame him… but at the moment, she did.</p><p>She didn’t know who or what exactly she was angry at now… only that she was angry, and she was about to explode.</p><p>
  <em>Stop suppressing your anger… let it out. </em>
</p><p>So, she did.</p><p>“Lasted without me?” she asked, her voice lowering in anger. She felt the heat rise in her chest and felt a twinge of satisfaction when she saw the hurt look in his eyes. “You don’t know how long you could’ve lasted without me?” she huffed, turning around and looking over the city, trying to calm her nerves, but it was in vain as she turned back around to give him an angry look. “How about yourself, huh?” she said, giving him a disapproving once over. “How would you feel if I had died just like that? If you decided not to bring me back? How would you live with yourself?” She continued, the anger rising in her chest. “In fact, how <em>can </em>you live with yourself? Knowing what you did to me?”</p><p>His face was emotionless as tears silently fell down his cheeks, “I almost can’t.”</p><p>“You almost can’t?!” she cried, her voice rising. “I almost can’t!” she said, stepping closer and pocking him in the chest. “For <em>five years</em> I’ve had to live with this dark thing inside of me, because you decided to play God and bring me back to life!” She shouted, her eyes misting. “You did the one thing we were trying to stop from happening! We’re lucky the world is still intact! You could’ve blown it all up!”</p><p>He nodded, staring at her, “I know.”</p><p>“So, <em>why</em>?!” she cried, feeling the first tear roll down her cheek, her voice cracking along with it. “Why would you risk everything, the world and our Miraculous to save <em>me</em>?!”</p><p>He shook his head, stepping closer to her as more tears fell down his face. “Because you know why.”</p><p>She indeed did, but she needed to hear it.</p><p>“Then say it,” she said, stepping closer to him as well. “Tell me <em>exactly </em>why you would risk <em>everything.</em>”</p><p>There was a long pause, and every fiber and every bone, muscle and pieces of her broken heart urged him to say it, to say those words that would give her a reason to live, a reason that would help her, move her, and bring her forward. The tiny words that would finally make her cave, fall into his arms, and break down in them, holding him until the end of time, until someone had to drag her off him.</p><p>They never came, and maybe that’s why she shook her head at him, tears streaming down both their faces as they both realized, they were too afraid to say it.</p><p>Maybe that’s why she said what she did next.</p><p>“I <em>hate</em> you,” she said, the tightness in her voice making it hard to speak.</p><p>He could only stare down at her, a look of him truly giving up crossing his eyes. “I know.”</p><p>“You left me,” she said, pocking his chest again as her voice cracked and tears fell. “You <em>left me</em>, Chat Noir. You left me alone to deal with the thing you put inside me! You left me alone!” she cried, looking into his sad, wet eyes.</p><p>He nodded, “I know.”</p><p>“I <em>hate</em> you for what you did!” she yelled, pushing him away, making him stumble back slightly, but he wouldn’t look away from her.</p><p>“I know.”</p><p>“How could you leave me?!” she cried, feeling something break in her chest. “How <em>dare </em>you leave me!”</p><p>“I’m sorry,” he said quietly, still staring at her.</p><p>She shook her head, “That doesn’t make a difference,” she said, staring at him. “Does it?”</p><p>He paused, still staring at her. “I know.”</p><p>Despite all the hurt and all the pain running through her mind, she couldn’t help but notice he was still there, still here with her. If this was him saying these things to her, she knew she would’ve run, she wouldn’t stop running until she died of exhaustion and heartache.</p><p>This was the moment she realized that no matter what she said or did to him… he wasn’t leaving her.</p><p>He wasn’t leaving.</p><p>
  <em>He wasn’t leaving. </em>
</p><p>At that… that was enough.</p><p>“I forgive you,” she finally said.</p><p>Chat perked up, jerking his head up at her with a look of surprise and confusion.</p><p>“Wh-what?” he asked, giving her a once over to make sure this was real.</p><p>“I forgive you,” she said again, stepping closer to him.</p><p>He stared at her in astonishment, “But…” he shook his head, disbelief crossing his confused eyes. “But why?”</p><p>She paused, watching the tears from his eyes slowly falling down his cheeks, like a waterfall of emotions that was finally coming out. He was still and motionless in front of her, and his attentive and eager gaze kept her grounded as she carefully reached up to him.</p><p>He shied away from her touch at first, afraid she might slap him or something, but he completely relaxed when she placed a hand on his cheek, wiping away the tears. She reached up with her other hand and held his face delicately, wiping away the tears and hushing him gently as he started sniffling again, tearing up from her loving touch he’s been so deprived of.</p><p>“Why?” she asked, barely above a whisper. She shook her head, “Because I would’ve done the same thing, Kitty.”</p><p>He only stared.</p><p>Suddenly, Ladybug felt her own face bending painfully as the weight of her words came crashing down, and the guilt left a painful weight on her chest, making her contort her face and tear up again.</p><p>“I don’t hate you, Chat Noir, I could never hate you,” she said, sobbing into her hands, refusing to look at him. “I’m sorry! I didn’t mean it!”</p><p>Chat came out of his stupor and he shushed her gently, reaching out and holding her arms gently. “It’s okay, My Lady,” he said, his voice rough with emotion. “Don’t apologize, please,” he said, trying to pry her arms away from her face. “You have every right to hate me for it.”</p><p>“But I don’t!” she cried, looking back up at him, surprising him. “I don’t hate you, Chat, I can’t because I—” she stopped, slapping a hand over her mouth as her eyes widened at him.</p><p>Chat didn’t seem to notice, “Hey,” he said, his voice gentle as he lowered himself down to her level. He pulled her closer until she could feel his warm breath bouncing off her nose, sending a slight tremor down her spine. He continued, “As confused as I am right now,” he said, smiling lightly at her, “I understand.”  </p><p>She sniffed, whipping her nose with her arm while giving him a confused look. “That doesn’t even make sense,” she whined.</p><p>He nodded, “I know,” he said, before gaining a soft look in his eyes, “C’mere.”</p><p>Chat pulled her against him, wrapping his arms tightly around her shoulders as she buried her face into his chest, finding refuge in there and liking the warmth it gave off. She listened to his heartbeat, strong and steady, as she placed an ear to it, closing her eyes to the comforting sounds of his living body.</p><p>They both stood in each other’s arms for a long time, relishing in the fact that the apology and the forgiveness was long overdue. But, they guessed, better late than never.</p><p>Into his arms, her arms, at last.</p><p>Where they belonged.</p><p>.             .             .</p><p>Chat Noir couldn’t tell you what exactly he was feeling at the moment, only that in that beautiful, serene moment, as he watched his lady—<em>his lady—</em>play absentmindedly with his hands across from her, he couldn’t ask for anything better. They both sat cross-legged, Ladybug tracing her fingertips along his palms and his own fingers, occasionally pausing and using her fingers to draw little designs on his hands.</p><p>She never looked up at him as he watched her, her cheeks and ears slightly red from his own gaze that couldn’t look away from her. He didn’t mind that she never raised her own gaze to meet his, he liked watching her without feeling like he was intruding in on her mind, seeing the emotions swimming in her eyes. If he was being completely honest, he could sit here forever and be content with it, watching the woman in front of him play with his hands, her body trembling slightly.</p><p>They both knew they needed to talk about things, things that drew a blank in his mind and things that couldn’t be named. He wasn’t going to push her though, he knew when and how to push her and tonight was not the night, they both had been through enough.</p><p>So, instead, he focused on her figure. He watched her unfocused eyes train along with her lazy fingers that drew endless lines into his gloved hands. He observed the way her eyes would crinkle a little bit when she would tilt her head to the side, smiling slightly as he leaned into her touch, wanting more. She presented even by giving him the attention he desperately needed but didn’t show. He would never admit, not now at least, how much he craved her touch and her attention, especially with the last few weeks of torturous isolation she forced each other into.</p><p>He didn’t blame her or was even mad at her anymore. He used to be bitter, hating both himself and Ladybug’s intentions, never hating her because honestly, that’s impossible. He hated the separation between them, how it divided them and made him feel uncomfortable and unsafe. Worried even as he taunted himself endlessly with how she was making him watch her fight this alone, when all he wanted was to be there for her.</p><p>It was almost painful how much he wanted her to open up to him again, like she did the night before. He was so proud of her! He was so excited that she finally took the necessary first step to help herself heal. She was in a lot of pain, he could tell just by the vacant and emotionless expression on her face, and it hurt him.</p><p>Her gentle touch made him hope and wonder that maybe she’s had a change of heart, that maybe this time she will let him help her heal.</p><p>He also had a few wounds he would like to heal, and most of them consisted of her, so maybe he could heal as well.</p><p>Healing with her would be a privilege, and an honor. </p><p>“Chat?”</p><p>Her voice was so quiet he barely heard it, but he looked up to see her staring at him, her eyes tired and filled with wonder and maybe a little bit of hope to.</p><p>“Yeah?” he said, making her stop her hand tracing by grabbing her hands, holding them between them.</p><p>She looked down at them, pausing for a long moment. She smiled a little bit, staring at their intertwined hands and gripping him back with a fierceness and maybe a fear of letting him go. But her grip was also gentle, reminding him that she was a gentle and quiet spirit, a beautiful soul that has been clouded a little from the darkness that was inside her. But tonight, he saw her brighten a little bit, and he prayed that it was because she was happy to be with him.</p><p>With a small smile, she finally looked back up at him, carefully flicking her wayward hair over her shoulder and setting her gaze on him.</p><p>“Hi,” she said, her voice quiet.</p><p>He smiled at her, “Hey.”</p><p>She smiled a little wider and brought both their hands up to her face, hiding her mouth behind his large hands with a glint in her eyes.</p><p>He tried to stay still at the sight.</p><p>She dropped their hands between them again, staring down at them with an open and warm look on her face. Chat couldn’t remember another time the masked hero had looked more beautiful.</p><p>He brought one of her hands up to his mouth and gently pressed his lips to her knuckles, letting the kiss linger in the air as he slowly pulled away, looking down and stroking his thumb over the spot he kissed.</p><p>“I don’t want professionalism,” Ladybug suddenly said, looking up at him, meeting his attentive gaze. “I want what we had before everything.”</p><p>“Do you?” Chat said, a sigh of relief escaping him as he closed his eyes, remembering to breath. “Are you sure?”</p><p>She smiled, “Would I be holding your hands if I wasn’t?”</p><p>He chuckled, his body trembling a little as the relief settled in his chest, making him hold her hands a little tighter.</p><p>“Good,” he said, nodding and looking down at their hands. “Good, me to.”</p><p>She smiled and also looked down at their hands, loving the adorable dazed look in her eyes that seemed to study his hands more in depth, making her grip him tighter again.</p><p>He liked the way she felt in his hands, like a missing puzzle piece was placed there, like everything was making sense and everything was starting to come full circle and back to them, back to what it was supposed to be like. What it was supposed to be like with each other, which definitely was not professional. Chat could almost tell that this, what they already were forming there in the middle of the night on top of a rooftop, was far from professional. Rather a deep and personal bond he could barely wait to explore with her.</p><p>“I just,” she said, catching his attention and looking back up at her. She had a distant look on her face, looking off to the side as he waited patiently for her to continue. “I just want you to be here, not just as a partner but as my best friend,” she sighed, looking down. “I… I missed you, Chat, and I don’t want to miss you anymore.”</p><p>“You don’t have to,” he said, jumping in and scooting closer to her. “I’ll be here the whole time.”</p><p>“I know,” she said quietly, nodding. “No matter what, you never left. Not even when I said…” she stopped, shaking her head and bowing it in shame.</p><p>“Hey,” he said gently, trying to catch her eyes again. “You don’t need to apologize for something that happened in the heat of the moment.”</p><p>“I feel like I should,” she said, finally meeting his eyes with a tint of fear in them. “Chat, I could <em>never </em>hate you, you know that, right?”</p><p>He nodded, “Of course I do,” he said, nodding at her and gripping her delicate hands tighter. “I know you didn’t mean it.”</p><p>“Are you sure?” she asked, giving him a helpless look. “Because it sounded believable in my ears.”</p><p>“You’re okay, Marinette,” he said, using her real name. “I don’t hate you either.”</p><p>He felt that was the right thing to say and was he right.</p><p>Ladybug’s face contorted and she leaned forward, resting her forehead on his shoulder as she shook against him, trying to hold back sobs.</p><p>Chat held her delicately, reaching out and gently touching her thigh, rubbing a few circles on it in comfort. He felt her sob once against him, and his heart broke a little for her, wanting to take the pain away so desperately.</p><p>He shushed her gently, “It’s okay.”</p><p>She shook her head, “No, it’s not,” she said, her voice broken.</p><p>He furrowed his eyebrows and leaned back to look at her, finding her face streaming tears again. He gave her a sympathetic look before reaching out and brushing away the tears from her cheeks.</p><p>“What’s not okay?” he asked, gently prodding her.</p><p>She hesitated, right before she caved, too emotional to fight his pushing tonight.</p><p>“I don’t want to be lonely anymore,” she said, meeting his eyes. “And… by saying that I hate you and that I didn’t want your help almost drew you away—”</p><p>“I came back,” he reminded her, reaching out and taking her hand. “I’ll always come back for you.”</p><p>She smiled and sniffed at him, giving him a grateful look, “I know,” she said, nodding. “I know, Chat.”</p><p>“Then know this,” he said, making her meet his eyes again. “I’m not leaving, okay? I promise.”</p><p>She shook her head, “Please don’t make promises you can’t keep.”</p><p>“I’m not,” he said, bringing her hand up and holding it close to his chest, like it was a precious item. “I’m not leaving, My Lady.”</p><p>She softened at the name, blushing slightly and looking down. “You’re getting better at that.”</p><p>He grew confused, “Better at what?”</p><p>She raised her head and met his eyes again, “Better at flirting.”</p><p>Chat smirked, “Oh, am I?”</p><p>She shook her head, a playful look in her eyes, “Don’t you dare—”</p><p>“That wasn’t even flirting!” he cried, making her laugh which was a sweet sound. “I swear, I wasn’t trying to flirt with you, Princess.”</p><p>She rolled her eyes, “Is this something I’m going to have to deal with?”</p><p>Chat hesitated, before gaining a more serious look on his face, “Is it something you want to deal with?”</p><p>She met his eyes again, realizing the implication of his words. He loved flirting with her, especially now that he knew it made her all flustered and flushed. The selfish part of him wanted her to say yes, that this was something that she wanted to deal with. Wasn’t part of their old duo flirty? Was she okay with this?</p><p>“I don’t want to deal with it,” she said, and a painful disappointment settled in his chest, but it didn’t stay for long after what she said next.</p><p>“It’s endearing,” she said.</p><p>He jerked his head up to her, finding a beautifully flushed Ladybug that smiled widely at him, looking away shyly like she was embarrassed. He would be lying if he wasn’t endeared right at that moment.</p><p>He reached out and gently took her chin in his hand, making her look at him, staring deeply into her eyes. He felt the heat rising off her cheeks increase and couldn’t help but relish in the fact that he was eliciting this reaction out of her. Ladybug, the girl he’s been dreaming about since he was fifteen years old. The girl he grew a massive crush on, and the girl he eventually fell in love with.</p><p>The simple sight of her flustered, made him fall in love all over again, and the sight was beautiful.</p><p>“Your eyes,” he said, his breath bouncing off her lips. “They’re beautiful.”</p><p>She was silent before mumbling a quiet, “Thank you.”</p><p>He chuckled lowly, before releasing her chin and leaning back to see the rest of her beautiful face, loving the pinkness of her cheeks.</p><p>“I think,” he said, staring deeply into her eyes. “I think… we both have a lot of things that still have gone unsaid.”</p><p>She nodded, “Yeah,” she said. “Yeah, me to.”</p><p>He nodded to, still not leaving her wandering eyes. “Well, then,” he said, her eyes meeting his again at the sound of his voice. “I think we should rest up and let our emotions sit, because we shouldn’t get worked up again.”</p><p>“Yeah,” she said, dryly laughing. “Yeah, I don’t want to do that again.”</p><p>“Me neither,” he said, agreeing.</p><p>There was a long pause, where both of them stared at each other, a feeling of being whole and empty at the same time, like they completed something, but at the same time, they still needed something to happen.</p><p>Chat was honestly scared of what that could mean, the girl in front of him so strong yet so fragile in his eyes. He knew she was strong, someone that couldn’t be easily broken, and he was proud of her for being strong without him all these years, even though he didn’t want her to be strong on her own.</p><p>He didn’t see her as a fragile person or soul, but rather someone he needed to be gentle and careful with. She had been heartbroken, and he just so happened to be the one person that had broken it. Okay, maybe not the one person, but still he played a part in hurting her strong, beautiful and bright heart that shone brighter than the city of lights.</p><p>He dimmed her light, and there is nothing he hates more than that reality.</p><p>“My Lady?” he said, looking up at her with trepidation.</p><p>She noticed the worried look in his eyes and knitted her eyebrows together in concern, “What is it, Kitty?”</p><p>He couldn’t help the small twitch the corner of his mouth made when he heard the old nickname, but she hasn’t said it in years, which only added to the nostalgia.</p><p>He was so happy she was in front of him, still playing with his fingers like it was the most casual thing of all time, watching him carefully and searching for signs of hurt.</p><p>But he was the one that was worried about her, finding a slight dark curtain hidden behind her eyes that was barely noticeable. He was so lucky he knew her so well, or else he might not be able to reach her like how he does, pulling little bits of hurt out of her, trying to help her to open up.</p><p>He could tell she wanted to open up to him, the only thing stopping her was the fear. It was scary letting people in and telling them all your darkest secrets and sins, considering how vulnerable it made you feel.</p><p>But… he loved her. He didn’t want her to bare this burden alone, and he was willing to help carry this painful burden so she could get up in the morning a little easier.</p><p>And it was as simple as that.</p><p>“Are you okay?” he asked her, tilting his head in concern. “I just want to make sure you’re doing okay, and that you know I’m here for you.”</p><p>She stared at him for a long moment, opening and closing her mouth like she was trying to force herself to say whatever was on her mind. He was willing to listen to anything, whether it was about something small, big, wide and large, he was ready to listen and dissect what was hurting her. He could hear her mind and heart crying out to him, wanting and begging him to understand that she is hurting. But he can’t help her unless she actually opens up to her.</p><p>“Marinette,” he said gently, catching her eyes again and locking them with hers. “I know something’s wrong.”</p><p>She stared at him for a second longer before looking down, still holding his hands with her shaking ones, an unreadable expression on her face. If he wasn’t sure before about there being something wrong, her avoiding his gaze is a clear sign that there is something wrong with her, and he so desperately wanted to help.</p><p>But still, he couldn’t help her until she opened up.</p><p>“Not tonight,” she said, looking back up at him with a nervous look.</p><p>He caught on and squeezed her hands, “You don’t have to, My Lady,” he said, giving her a kind smile. “I’m just trying to make sure you’re okay.”</p><p>She nodded, “Okay.” She hesitated again, before looking back up at him, “Thank you.”</p><p>He nodded, “Of course.” He tilted his head again, “You sure you’re okay?”</p><p>She hesitated, still playing with his hands by drawing little circles with her thumbs.</p><p>“No,” she finally admitted, not looking at him. There was a long silence, before she finally did look at him with a searching look, “But I know that you’re here.” She took a deep breath and let it out slowly through her mouth, the warm air bouncing off his face. “And you being here with me, is good.” She nodded, smiling a little to herself while staring down at their hands, “You’re really good for me.”</p><p>He could barely take the compliment, both not willing to accept it and at the same time it made his heart feel warm and fuzzy inside. For the longest time he believed that he was unworthy of her, because he had done so much wrong to her, and because she deserved someone a lot more skilled and better than him. He was never a self-esteem junky, his own being very low while he lifted other people up with a painful strian, because he could barely hold them up with his own guilt weighing on him.</p><p>“I can still come visit you,” he offered, shifting and stroking her knuckles gently. “Just to check in and be with you.”</p><p>She nodded, smiling at him, “I like that idea,” she said, her eyes gleaming. “Just,” she paused, gaining humor in her eyes. “Make sure not to scare me next time.”</p><p>Chat couldn’t help but chuckle, “I’ll try my best, Princess.”</p><p>“Just tap on it,” she said, mimicking the motion in the air with her fist. “It’s a small apartment, I should hear you.”</p><p> </p><p>He nodded, “Yes, ma’am.”</p><p>She grinned, “I like ma’am.”</p><p>He snorted, “I thought you liked ‘My Lady.’”</p><p>“That to.”</p><p>He laughed before pulling her to her feet, both of them walking to the edge of the building, continuing the flirty and competitive conversation all the way to the edge. When they reached the end, they didn’t want to leave, but both knew it was probably for the best, just because if they didn’t leave now, they would be here all night, making sure each other were alright.</p><p>They worried about each other so much that they could check on each other every other minute and still feel uneasy about leaving the other.</p><p>But if they stayed, they might make some rushed, rash and irresponsible decisions while basking in each other’s presence. Which is something they both one hundred percent wanted to do, which means, that was totally not the move, especially with all the mixed emotions in their hearts, messing with their perception.</p><p>Making decisions based on feelings, never ended well, and considering their newfound and reforming bond was just mended again and the fragility of it all, they didn’t want to risk hurting each other, or the relationship slowly taking form again.</p><p>Finally, as they stood on the edge of the building, looking at each other as the lights lit up each other’s forms, Chat felt like a thousand fireflies were lighting up around her, creating a delicate glow around her beautiful face.</p><p>“Goodbye, Chat Noir,” she said, a gentleness and contentedness to her tone. </p><p>He smiled at her, “Goodbye,” he said, pausing. “…My Lady.”</p><p>And that ended it.</p><p>Or so they thought.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I swear I was intending to post on Tuesday, but work got hard, stuff got in the way, I barely finished this chapter in time to post this week. I'm sorry for posting late. </p><p>By the way, I am not positive but maybe leaning toward a different option, i might start posting once a week. For now. This is just for me to catch up and take less pressure off me, because i felt so stressed trying to get this to you. </p><p>Don't worry, this story is still going strong! I'm positive I will finish it eventually! </p><p>Bye my lovelies!<br/>~being_happy</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Saying Goodbye to Meet Again</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>A little flashback to the past to let you in on what could happen in the future...</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hey ya'll! Decided to post early for you this week!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chapter 10: Saying Goodbye to Meet Again</p><p> </p><p>When we lose things, it hurts. Especially those things that we are in love with, like a childhood stuffed animal, or the last letter from your grandma. Things have meaning, more than you think they do. By giving a gift, it could mean two things; one, they were thanking you, appreciating you and making sure you know you are loved and cared for. Two, the gift was a way to soften their hearts, make them feel guilty as they spring the question on you, a question you can’t answer, a question that doesn’t always come in the form of words.</p><p>Nathalie didn’t know any of these things as she held the peacock Miraculous in her hands, unnoticed tears falling from her cheeks and hitting the ground with a small splash. She was deaf to everything around her, including the sirens, flashing lights, and the officer asking her questions, whether she knew about any of this, or not.</p><p>“No,” she answered harshly, interrupting the officer. “No, I know nothing.”</p><p>She doesn’t remember anything the officer said after that, only the muffled silence echoed in her head, like a loud bell that was trying to ring, but it had no sound as it shook back and forth.</p><p>She could hear the white noise slowly creeping in, about to convince her that she’s gone insane, that she was going to have to kill herself in order to keep what the voice begged her to do. A voice so soothing, a voice she has loved for years, a low, comforting hum in the back of his throat that made her feel at home.</p><p>Well, as much as she could feel at home without him hear.</p><p>“Nathalie?”</p><p>She looked up, finding the blond boy, an unrecognizable expression on his face that made her confused, unable to recognize him at all. He was merely a stranger, someone not of her past or present, and certainly not future. She knew that he shouldn’t be here, why was he here? Why was he in her grieving state? Why can’t she just be alone?</p><p>“Nathalie,” he said, stepping closer, the lights of the police cars making his face change color. “Nathalie… what’s going on? Where’s dad?”</p><p>Oh, right. This was him, the kid of the man that was murdered by those selfish heroes. A child that was now an orphan because of those heroes, both mother and father gone because of them. Because they wouldn’t hand over their Miraculous for their own glory, instead of humbling themselves and giving this boy what he needed.</p><p>A home, with a mother and father, a place he can feel safe, and loved.</p><p>This… this was not the place.</p><p>Everything after that was a blur, the flashing lights finally, after hours of making her go blind, leaving and disappearing down the streets, haunting the early morning hours with their ghostly and vacant sympathy.</p><p>She doesn’t recall walking up the stairs, gripping the Miraculous in her hand as she made her way to his room with trembling limbs, hating the feeling of how empty this house seemed. Her footsteps echoed around the house, the hallway down to his room creating an eerie feeling as she refused to let her emotions in, trying to focus on what she needed to do about this.</p><p>She guessed she wasn’t sobbing yet because it hasn’t hit her yet.</p><p>The grief that she was waiting for.</p><p>Maybe the grief hasn’t come yet because it never will, maybe he wasn’t dead! She should be grieving by now if he was, she would know, she loved him! She knew him better than she knew herself, how devoted and loyal he was to his wife and child, to his job and duty as the protector of this family. It was beautiful, which was why she loved him, because he was so devoted to the people, he loved… which made it hard to love him and not approach him.</p><p>But then her mind went to the dread she felt, and how she put it to the back of her heart when she found out about his death. She knew he was dead; she just hasn’t let it… sink in yet, mostly because she doesn’t want to. She wanted to believe he was alive for as long as she could, even if her reaction when she finally accepted it could be worse if she kept pushing it down. And she knew this.</p><p>But she would keep believing.</p><p>She had to.</p><p>She found herself, not in his room, but outside the door of the ghostly figure that was inside, someone who reacted immediately, blindly, and had to be carried up to his room after he found out. The grief was so heavy on him, that he couldn’t walk, talk or even cry, only shattered completely enough that he was limp as the police carried him to his room.</p><p>She didn’t knock when she approached, not feeling the need to, and walked into the room. It was dark, and the light from the hallway streamed in, creating a spotlight on the figure who sat in the middle of his floor, staring at his lap.</p><p>She couldn’t tell if he was crying, but she didn’t need to, the heaviness was enough to be felt from here, the weight that has been put on his shoulders, even worse. She couldn’t imagine what it must’ve been like for him, only that he looked so incredibly small and weak in that moment.</p><p>A man, that usually was so strong and solid, to be broken down in front of you to mere shattered pieces of glass, was just about the most heartbreaking thing she has ever witnessed.</p><p>“I thought you’d be asleep by now, Adrien,” she said, still standing in the threshold.</p><p>Adrien looked up, his eyes red and his face puffy, most likely from crying or maybe screaming, since she heard screams a little earlier.</p><p>“No,” he said simply, his voice hoarse. He looked back down to the spot on the floor he was staring at earlier, not saying anything more.</p><p>Nathalie felt something break in her chest, even more than it already was. Over the past several years that she has been working for Gabriel, she has also grown closer with his son, Adrien. Helping him with his home schooling, tutoring him, talking to him about his personal schedules and occasionally having a heart to heart conversation about his father. Adrien was affected a lot by how diligent his father was about his work, never really having enough time for his son and his Hawkmoth duties, plus the multibillion company he was running. She was usually the one he’d go to in an hour of need, of course it wasn’t as personal as she would think, sharing a few worries about his friends and maybe a few anxieties.</p><p>The point was they have grown close the past few years, but she knew she could ever replace Emilie.</p><p>No one could replace that woman.</p><p>“You should sleep,” she said, her voice tight as well. “You have a long day of traveling tomorrow.”</p><p>He shrugged, “It’s only to my Aunt’s,” he said, his voice still heavy and thick. “I’ll sleep on the plane.”</p><p>Nathalie nodded, deciding not to push him tonight. “Okay,” she said.</p><p>The room was suddenly filled with a thick silence, white noise echoing around the room like a ringing bell about to go off.</p><p>“Did you know?”</p><p>She looked back up at him, finding his eyes studying her intensely.</p><p>“Know what?” she asked, not willing to rake her brain.</p><p>He shifted, folding his hands in his lap, looking down like he was asking something shameful. Like he was asking something he absolutely did not want to ask. But maybe not knowing the answer made him anxious and desperate for once, so he asked it even if he was afraid of it.</p><p>“Did you know about my father?” he asked, his voice cracked. “Did you know what he’s been doing?”</p><p>There was a long pause where she didn’t say anything, only staring blindly at each other as if waiting for the other to answer, like they had the answer.</p><p>She knew she had the answer, and the answer would hurt him even more. She would make him feel even more alone than he already did, and considering how much he’s lost, she doesn’t believe he could take much more before he lost it. Well, lost even more than he already has.</p><p>Maybe that’s why she lied to him, scared of hurting him beyond repair, only to find out that everyone in his life has been lying to him like he was some puppet or extra piece they were playing with. He would feel used, so that he could break multiple hearts to curse those who were vulnerable so Gabriel could get back what he deserved.</p><p>She didn’t want to hurt him anymore than he already was hurting.</p><p>“No,” she said finally, shaking her head at him. “No, I didn’t know.”</p><p>He stared at her for a moment, before nodding at her. “Good,” he said, laughing dryly as he sniffed. “At least someone is honest with me.”</p><p>She felt dread settling in her chest at that.</p><p>“Are you all packed for tomorrow?” she asked, redirecting the conversation.</p><p>He sniffed again and looked back at multiple bags that were sitting on his couch, packed fully to the brim with mostly clothes and stuff he’ll use, knowing he’s going to be leaving the rest behind.</p><p>“Yeah,” he said, lazily turning back to her and nodding. “Yeah, that should be everything.” He paused for a moment, staring at the same spot on the floor again, his eyes focused and thinking.</p><p>“My friends are coming over at like, 7:30 to say goodbye before I leave,” he said, meeting her eyes. “Is that okay?”</p><p>She nodded immediately, “Yes, of course.”</p><p>He nodded, “Okay, thanks Nathalie.”</p><p>Another long, silent pause.</p><p>“I wish—” he stopped, and Nathalie looked up at his small form, finding his eyes misting again like he was trying to keep from crying. “I wish I’d known… maybe I could’ve stopped him.”</p><p>“You can’t stop someone that driven,” she said automatically. “When someone’s that dedicated and in that deep, it’s too late to stop them.”</p><p>“I know…” he said, looking dejected. “I just wish I could’ve done something before…” he trailed off, closing his eyes and turning his head to the side.</p><p>“You couldn’t have done anything, Adrien,” she said, not daring to step closer to his hunched form. “Your father made his bed, now he’s lying in it.”</p><p>Adrien covered his face with his hands and sobbed into them, the sound echoing around the room like an eternal ringing in their ears, something they’ll never get out of their heads. Her heart broke for him, more than it already was broken and that was saying something. She wanted to make him feel better, wanted Adrien to not suffer any longer in this grief.</p><p>The grief that Ladybug and Chat Noir have caused. It was all their fault—</p><p>The idea hit her like a wrecking ball, hard and fast.</p><p>She looked down at the peacock Miraculous in her hand that she had forgotten was there, still shiny and new since Gabriel fixed it a long time ago.</p><p>There was a plan, a dangerous, justice filled plan in her mind.</p><p>And it was forming, building <em>terrible </em>things.</p><p>“Don’t worry, Adrien,” she said suddenly, looking up at the sobbing figure on the floor, not paying attention to her. “I’ll take care of it.”</p><p>.             .             .</p><p>The rain stopped shortly afterward, the sun peaking out between the clouds in a mocking spotlight, giving a new light to the situation.</p><p>Everyone was more out of it than most, all having been personally affected by the attacks that happened less than a day ago. Everyone was emotional, and sweet, kind and loving towards each other, wanting to make sure all their friends were okay.</p><p>It disgusted Lila.</p><p>“Are you okay?” Alya asked, putting a hand on her arm. “How’s your lip?”</p><p>Lila had to literally scream at herself to realize that she was talking about her wellbeing, not that she cared or anything, she was just looking for attention.</p><p>“It’s fine,” she said, touching her lip to make a show of her looking at the blood. “I’m just… worried about Marinette, you know?”</p><p>Alya nodded, “Yeah,” she said, looking in the direction her best friend disappeared. “Yeah, she’s been acting strangely all morning.” She shook her head and looked back at Lila, “I think she’s just worried about Adrien… at least I think so.”</p><p>“How could she be worried about him?” she asked, adding to the drama. “She literally told me straight to my face how much she dislikes him and thinks that he’s planning to… follow in his father’s footsteps.”</p><p>Alya pursed her lips and looked back in the direction of where she went, her blue hair never reappearing back around the corner.</p><p>“I’m just worried about her,” she said, still staring at the exit. “I don’t want anything bad to happen to her.”</p><p>“Even after all she said?” Lila shook her head at her, disapproving of “Marinette’s” actions. “She’s pretty screwed up in the head, you know. She needs help.”</p><p>Alya didn’t say anything after that, not responding to Lila’s hurtful words that secretly had an affect on everyone.</p><p>Lila’s proud of her talent, how she could literally shatter one’s hopes, destroy someone’s dreams and make someone’s heart drop to their stomach with only a few, simple words. She’s pretty sure she just set Alya’s and Marinette’s friendship on the road to destruction with that easy maneuver, now all she needed to do was sit back and watch it happen. Watch as her lies set to work, destroying Marinette’s reputation so she had no one left.</p><p>Which, watching Marinette’s face as she left, would completely destroy her.</p><p>And that gave her a smile as she started walking home, not bothering to tell anyone where she was going.</p><p>Growing up, she knew she was different. Her teachers always complained how she never turned in her homework because her pet snake decided he was ready to swallow it whole. She didn’t have a pet snake, and yes, she got in trouble for it at times when the teachers sometimes caught her, but the frustrated looks on their faces was just about the best thing ever.</p><p>Well, almost as good as hurting that Dupain-Cheng girl, the ugly baker daughter that lived down the street.</p><p>If only she could have that kind of power over Ladybug, then she would be convinced the world was turning to her favor.</p><p>However, she learned a long time ago that it doesn’t matter if the world was bent in her favor, she can lie to the universe as well. She could make the universe bend to her favor. Since it seemed to be working, there was no way in hell she was stopping now. If she could hurt that baker girl to the point where she can barely take it, imagine what she could do to Ladybug.</p><p>And she knew for a fact, that the stronger a person presents themselves, the easier they are to break. Because under all that strength, and walls built up in order to protect themselves, she knew she could break down those walls and completely shatter her if she wanted to.</p><p>And by God, she wanted to.</p><p>Ladybug is <em>not </em>as strong as she believes she is.</p><p>And that’s because she hasn’t fully met her wrath yet.</p><p>If she kept bending, twisting and turning with the universe, convincing the world that she is this innocent girl that everyone believes she is, she could be set up for life. She could bring down that Marinette girl, completely destroy Ladybug and Chat Noir, finally get her hands-on Adrien, and grow up watching the chaos from her expensive balcony in her mansion home.</p><p>She always gets what she wants.</p><p>And what she wanted, seemed so much easier to reach now.</p><p>She just had to be patient and watch for the opportunity to arrive.</p><p>Her phone started buzzing in her back pocket, jolting her from her racing, excited mind. She reached for it and looked down, finding an unknown number showing on the screen.</p><p>She answered, holding the phone up to her ear, “Hello?”</p><p>There was a pause, someone shifting on the other end before they finally spoke.</p><p>“Lila Rossi?”</p><p>The name was familiar, feminine, and low and gravelly, like she was trying to be unheard by someone standing close by.</p><p>“This is she,” Lila responded, getting an eerie feeling. “Who is this?”</p><p>There was a pause, where no one answered, a white noise settling between the two callers.</p><p>“I can’t tell you,” said the voice.</p><p>Lila snorted, “In that case—”</p><p>“Don’t hang up,” said the voice, calm and collected. “My name is Mayura.”</p><p>This caught her attention, “You mean… Hawkmoth’s partner?”</p><p>There was a pause, “Yes.”</p><p>“Why are you calling me?” she said, then suddenly felt paranoid. “How the hell did you get my number?”</p><p>“I can’t tell you that either,” she said, her voice a matter of fact. “But trust me, you’ll want to hear what I have to say.”</p><p>“Uh-huh,” Lila responded, raising an eyebrow. “And why would I?”</p><p>“Because,” said the familiar voice, “We have a common interest.”</p><p>“Well, for your information,” Lila said, just about down with this pointless conversation. “You have about zero of my attention right now. So, unless you can pull a Gabriel Agreste on me and spring me with some interesting information, then I’m just going to—”</p><p>“I want you to kill Ladybug.”</p><p>This stopped her in her tracks, her words getting stuck in the back of her throat. She closed her mouth and thought for a moment, her mind racing and going about a million miles an hour.</p><p>How on earth could she do that?</p><p>“Why?” she asked, settling on the question. “Why me?”</p><p>Pause.</p><p>“Because you have the ability I don’t have,” she said, her voice calm. “You can lie, and deceive others, you can make people go against her, you can cause others to believe she is not what everyone thinks she is.”</p><p>“I agree,” Lila said, interest peaking now. “She isn’t all she says she is, and no one knows the true colors of her besides me.”</p><p>“Exactly,” she said, her tone becoming a little excited. “I need you to break her, before you kill her.”</p><p>Lila faltered, “Me against a superhero?” she asked, not liking those odds. “I don’t think I can do that.”</p><p>“You don’t need to fight her just yet,” the voice said. “I just need her out of the way for a while.”</p><p>Lila nodded, “For how long?”</p><p>“A few years,” she said. “Ladybug is already scarred, because she came back from the dead as I believe. That’s what… he said, at least,” she said, picking her words carefully. “That’s what I believe, so she’s vulnerable right now, which will make it easier.”</p><p>Lila nodded, catching on. “So… basically we need to make the bitch so emotional she can’t handle anything by herself?”</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>Lila grinned, “Then let’s make sure she’s by herself.”</p><p>The other line paused, “How?”</p><p>“How was she brought back from the dead?” Lila asked.</p><p>“I can’t reveal that.”</p><p>“Well, you’re going to have to,” Lila retorted. “If I’m right about my suspicions, then maybe we won’t have to do anything.”</p><p>There was a short pause of hesitance from the other line, “Fine,” she finally settled on. “If Ladybug’s and Chat Noir’s Miraculous’ are used at the same time, by the same person, then that one person can make a single wish come true.”</p><p>Lila grinned, “That’s perfect.” She crossed her arms at her chest, “Chat Noir brought Ladybug back, and if I’m right, Hawkmoth wanted the Miraculous for himself so he could make whatever wish come true as well, right?”</p><p>“That’s correct,” Mayura said.</p><p>“And the whole reason Ladybug and Chat Noir are here is, so they prevent that from ever happening, right?” she asked, already feeling it come together.</p><p>“Right.”</p><p>Lila’s grin widened, “Than Ladybug, knowing how much of a perfectionist she is, how much she needs things to be organized, is going to be pissed at him when she finds out, if she hasn’t already.” She shook her head, laughing to herself, “Man, that could be enough to separate them for good.” She nodded, smirking at the thought of her losing her beloved partner, “Especially if he was the one that brought her back, and put those scars on her.”</p><p>There was another long pause, a silence that was filling as she realized the voice on the other end, was slowly processing. Sometimes you can feel it when someone is getting interested, or excited, even when you can’t see them, sometimes you just know.</p><p>“That makes sense,” the voice said, after a long moment of silence. “How will we keep them apart long enough?”</p><p>“Easy,” Lila said. “We wait long enough for them to still miss but not forgive each other yet, but not too long that they find each other again and come back together, that would be a disadvantage.” She looked around her, suddenly aware that she was still in the middle of the sidewalk in plain sight. She backed into an alleyway and leaned against the wall as she continued.</p><p>“We should catch them while Ladybug is still mad at him, and then,” she smirked, liking the idea of getting to hurt the superheroine. “And then we attack.”</p><p>“I don’t have the butterfly Miraculous,” she said. “Ladybug took it from Hawkmoth’s body.”</p><p>Lila faltered, realizing that was definitely a flaw in their plan.</p><p>“You have the Miraculous,” she stated, “We can’t do anything with that?”</p><p>“We could,” she said, “But making something that’ll truly hurt Ladybug and Chat Noir would be hard, I’ve almost done it before, but we’d need another Miraculous—” she suddenly stopped.</p><p>Lila listened, “What? What is it?”</p><p>The pause drew out longer than Lila would’ve liked, and she found herself gripping the phone and growling through it, hating that she doesn’t have an answer.</p><p>“Well?” Lila said, her voice frustrated and annoyed. “What is it?” she questioned, feeling her patience already running out for the day.</p><p>The voice responded slowly, drawing in a long breath, like they were satisfied with something. They hummed as they exhaled the air from their lungs, the relaxed tone of Mayura on the other end making her frustrated to the ends of the earth.</p><p>She was about to scream at her to answer her when she finally started talking.</p><p>“I think,” she said, pausing again. “I think… that might be easier than I thought.”</p><p>Lila furrowed her eyebrows, “What do you mean?”</p><p>Another pause.</p><p>“Nothing too complicated,” she said. “I just need you to do something for me.”</p><p>Lila raised an eyebrow, “And what exactly could that be?”</p><p>“Well,” Mayura said, her voice becoming more confident. “How do you feel about having a partner?”</p><p>.             .             .</p><p>Maybe it was the jet lag, or the plane food making him groggy, his stomach twisting in knots like he was going to be sick. Having read the whole flight over, the engine’s roars echoed around in his head, making him feel woozy and tired, like he could sleep for twelve hours. He honestly could, considering how exhausted he was and sick he felt.</p><p>Wait, no, he was <em>definitely </em>going to be sick.</p><p>Felix dropped his bag with his mother and ran for the bathroom, finding the empty airport restroom soggy and smelling like piss. The counters waterlogged and globs of soap floating around in the pools, torn shreds of paper towels getting caught in the drain. The toilets were no better, giving off a vague, disgusting smell he didn’t want to investigate.</p><p>The smelly bathroom was the final straw.</p><p>He ran forward and pushed open a stall, keeling over the toilet and immediately vomiting into the poorly cleaned toilet. He retched for maybe a full minute, he wasn’t keeping track, watching as the sick spilled out of his mouth and into the toilet water, making him feel sick and disgusted with himself.</p><p>When he was done, he placed his hands on the toilet seat, shaking his head and willing himself not to throw up again as the smell only made it worse. He burped and spat out one last piece of sick into the toilet.</p><p>Once he felt his stomach would stop churning, he inhaled deeply, reaching out and pushing down on the handle, hearing the toilet loudly flush.</p><p>“I <em>hate </em>airplanes,” Felix said, sighing.</p><p>He pushed himself to his shaky knees and walked out of the stall, groaning as he leaned over the wet sink, leaning down and splashing cold water on his face, rubbing it against his tired eyes.</p><p>He washed his hands and checked his reflection one last time before turning for the mirror.</p><p>The last thing he expected to see was a girl standing there.</p><p>He froze, giving the brunette a perplexed look, “Uh, ma’am?” He said, trying to sound at least a little annoyed. “I… I think you’re in the wrong bathroom.”</p><p>She smirked, “Nah,” she said, shaking her head. “I think I’m in the right place.”</p><p>He raised an eyebrow, “Listen, if you identify as a man, I don’t judge but really—”</p><p>“Oh, please,” she said, rolling her eyes. “Do I really look like a man to you?”</p><p>He gave her a look, “Not in the slightest.”</p><p>She nodded, “Well, I’m not.” She crossed her arms at her chest and leaned on one hip, looking like she was about to give the biggest lecture of all time. “I guess I wanted to welcome you to Paris, personally.”</p><p>He snorted, “And this had to be done in the men’s bathroom?”</p><p>She smirked, “What better place is most avoided by the people in this place?”</p><p>He looked her over, “I guess you’re right.”</p><p>“Anyways,” she said, continuing on. “I’m not here to hook up with you, or anything.”</p><p>“No thanks,” he said, giving her a sympathetic look.</p><p>She didn’t seem to notice. “I’m here on the behalf of… a friend of mine,” she said, choosing her words carefully. “She wanted to come see you in, give you the invitation herself, but she couldn’t.”</p><p>Felix raised an eyebrow, beyond confused.  “An invitation?” he asked, perplexed. “For what?”</p><p>“You know, taking down Ladybug and Chat Noir and all that,” she said, waving her arms around like it was no big deal. “Since you had a rough patch with those dimwitted superheroes a few years back, I suspect you’re still looking for that thing you wanted.” She smirked, “Or, since you never came back, you already found it.”</p><p>Felix tightened his grip in his right hand, feeling the plain white band around his ring finger.</p><p>“What’s it to you?” he asked, already feeling his alarms going off.</p><p>She grinned, “Well, I know for a fact that I want Ladybug and Chat Noir to suffer,” she said, her own fists tightening. “And my friend and I figured out a way to do that, but honestly, we can’t do phase two of our plan without… help.”</p><p>Felix crossed his arms at his chest, “And I’m this help?”</p><p>Lila shrugged one shoulder, “It wasn’t my idea.”</p><p>“Why should I trust you?” he asked, hesitance in his chest.</p><p>She paused, her expression faltering for only a moment before it became confident and serene once again.</p><p>“Because who else follows you into the boy’s room to tell you they want to take down the most beloved girl on this planet?” she said, sticking her hands in her back pockets. “I guess I thought it was obvious,” she said, shrugging. “Because you and I are basically the only people on the planet that hate her.”</p><p>He paused for a long minute, considering. He didn’t know this girl, her figure only familiar from his cousin’s multiple photoshoots with her, her face continuously popping up in the Ladyblog. He was almost sure that she was just as famous as his lookalike, maybe even more. The only difference was that he knew she was lying all the time; she was a liar and she knew it.</p><p>He just didn’t care.</p><p>“What is this phase two plan?” he said, curious to what this was leading to. “And who is this friend you keep mentioning?”</p><p>She smirked, “I can’t really tell you that,” she said, shifting her weight. “I can tell you she’s the real deal though.”</p><p>“And what if you’re lying to me?” he asked, again hesitant. “I know about your lies, and the way you manipulate others for your own pleasure—”</p><p>“And you don’t?” she asked, accusation in her voice.</p><p>He fell silent.</p><p>“I remember the time you decided to switch roles with Adrien Agreste,” she said, her eyes showing she was impressed. “Honestly, you pulled that stunt off so perfectly. You’re basically his carbon copy, but not with all the—” she shivered, “Feelings.”</p><p>“I can understand that,” Felix said in turn, giving her a wary look. “But it still doesn’t answer whether or not I should trust you.”</p><p>“Who else is willing to offer you this chance of a lifetime? To finally get what you want and take down that disgusting whore,” she said, sneering at the mere thought of her. “I know you hate her to, why not trust me and see where it goes? I promise,” she said, her grin returning. “You won’t be disappointed.”</p><p>Felix hesitated, “What’s in it for me?”</p><p>She faltered, “Well, I originally thought getting revenge on Ladybug for humiliating you would be enough.”</p><p>“It is,” he said, uncrossing his arms. “But I’m sure that you are the one that is looking forward to killing her in the end.”</p><p>She nodded, “True,” she agreed, eyeing him warily. “So, what are you looking for?”</p><p>Felix grinned evilly, “To make someone truly suffer, you take away what matters most.”</p><p>She slowly let the grin climb up her face, “You and I think very much a like,” she said, nodding at him approvingly. She stepped forward and outstretched her hand, “Lila Rossi.”</p><p>He took her hand, sure of himself now, “Felix.”</p><p>They shook.</p><p>.             .             .</p><p>Maybe Adrien was just dreaming, right? Maybe all this was some big, incomprehensible, terrible nightmare that’ll do nothing more than break him down to tears. It wouldn’t shatter his entire world, no way, it’s just a terrible nightmare that’s in the way, getting in the way of his life, or whatever life he had before this.</p><p>But the bags under his eyes, the way his eyes glazed over and how his mind continuously and endlessly like to trap him inside himself, like he was some sort of puppet being used.</p><p>Except, that’s exactly how he felt.</p><p>
  <em>Used. </em>
</p><p>He groaned, rolling over to his side with the weight of an elephant on his chest, draping one elbow over his sleepless eyes as the sunlight filtered into the room. The bright, summer day mocked him and his mood, as if he should be getting some sort of positivity from the sunlight.</p><p>But the heavy weight on his heart, caused by many reasons, was what kept him in place, kept him glued to the bed and making it almost impossible to move without tearing it apart. Or tearing him apart, now that he thought about it.</p><p>His father was dead.</p><p>His mother was dead.</p><p>Ladybug—<em>Marinette</em>, hated him.</p><p>He was moving away from his friends for who knows how long.</p><p>And moving in with his aunt that’s twin sisters with his deceased mother, and his cousin that looked exactly like him and decided to deceive every one of his friends.</p><p>The odds were definitely not staked in his favor, in fact, it was the exact opposite.</p><p>He felt as if his world had finally cracked and fallen apart, crumbling to nothing but ashes that was left for him to grieve. The black dust creating craters in his heart the size of mars and making him feel helpless as if he were nothing more than a used, worthless, orphan child that his own father disowned.</p><p>His own father, whom he killed, and who was Hawkmoth.</p><p>That… that was devastating.</p><p>He forced these thoughts out of his mind, shoving the rest of his face inside the pillow that was already wet from his sweat and tears. He wanted to scream, but he also felt as if screaming wasn’t enough to vocalize just exactly what he was feeling.</p><p>So, he laid in silence.</p><p>And he felt that was all that was needed.</p><p>There was knock at his door, forcing him look up at it, the effort of getting up and getting the door for whoever was there dissipated quickly.</p><p>“Come in!” he called, raking his fingers through his shaggy blond hair as the door opened.</p><p>“Adrien,” Nathalie’s voice appeared in that direction. “Your friends are here to see you.”</p><p>He was so preoccupied (understandable) that he’d forgotten his friends were coming over to say their final goodbyes…</p><p>Has he mentioned how painful this was going to be?</p><p>“Adrien?”</p><p>He looked up from his bed and found three ghostly faces, all tight with emotion and sympathy he absolutely did not want.</p><p>“Hey,” he said, his voice raspy.</p><p>“Hey, buddy,” Nino said, his voice gentle and quiet. “How are you?”</p><p>They all must’ve realized how dumb that question was as soon as it left his lips.</p><p>After a long pause, Adrien groaned and sat up, pulling on a shirt over his bare skin and standing up.</p><p>“Sorry I look like shit,” he said, not caring about his language. There was no one to scold him for it anyway. “I’ve literally been lying in that stupid bed all night, not sleeping.” His back was turned from them, mostly because he was scared to see their concerned faces.</p><p>Nino’s furrowed eyebrows, knitting together in a concerned way as two dimples formed between them. Alya’s pursed lips, not really being good at handling awkward situations when they are this emotional. And Marinette’s face… her beautiful, hidden face that would cover up so much emotion about their fight they had as their alter egos last night. Even though she didn’t know who he was, he knew she was still going to look as sad and disheveled as he felt.</p><p>Is it bad that he hoped she would hurt a little bit? Just because he wants her to miss him…?</p><p>Would she even miss him, as Chat Noir, when he was gone?</p><p>After everything he’s done and everything he’s been through, the very thought terrified him.</p><p>“You don’t need to apologize, Adrien,” Alya said, her face still unseen by him. “We… we understand.”</p><p>He sighed, looking down and staring at a spot on the floor. “No,” he said, shaking his head and still not looking at them. “You don’t.”</p><p>The silence said that he was right.</p><p>“How long before you have to leave?” It was Nino’s voice this time, and he found himself relieved that it wasn’t Marinette’s knowing he’s not ready for her beautiful voice to tear through his walls.</p><p>He looked down at his watch emotionlessly, “About twenty minutes,” he said, dropping his hand back to his side. “My aunt and Felix are coming to pick me up to take me with them at eight.”</p><p>“Where are you going?” Alya’s voice again.</p><p>He shook his head, still not looking at them. “I don’t know,” he said, shrugging. “And I don’t care, right now.” He looked around him, memorizing the large room he’s called home for so many years, the place where Plagg was hiding somewhere, giving Adrien his space with his friends.</p><p>The friends he was leaving. The friends he didn’t want to leave one bit.</p><p>“Guys,” said the voice, and Adrien shut his eyes to keep from crying. “Can you give us a minute?”</p><p>Alya and Nino shuffled out of the room, shutting the door behind them with a soft click that echoed around the almost empty room.</p><p>Silence.</p><p>“Adrien?”</p><p>He shook his head, “Marinette,” he said, warning in his voice. “Please, I don’t want to lash out at you.”</p><p>“What makes you think you will?”</p><p>He looked to the ceiling before slowly turning around to face her. Her own eyes were bloodshot, most likely form crying and lack of sleep, her form sunken in and looking heavy from the weight on her shoulders. A weight he so desperately wanted to take off, despite all the other burdens he was carrying by himself at the moment.</p><p>“Because I don’t know what I’m feeling right now,” he said, unable to look away from her pinning gaze. “And you’re the last person I want to hurt.”</p><p>She closed her mouth and looked down, shifting the weight of her feet as the silence continued on after that.</p><p>“You’re hurting, Adrien,” she said, finally looking back up at him. “I want to help you.”</p><p>He gave her a grateful, helpless look. “I know, Marinette,” he said, looking down and shaking his head. “But you can’t.”</p><p>Silence.</p><p>“I don’t know what to say,” she said, her arms gesturing at nothing. “I wish I did, but I don’t—”</p><p>“You don’t have to say anything,” he said, raising a hand to stop her. “Your… your want to help is enough for now.”</p><p>She locked eyes with him, “But what about for later?”</p><p>For the first time in about twenty-four hours, he lightly smiled at her, grateful for her concern. Marinette was always the kind of person to care for others before herself, especially before herself. Her Ladybug alter ego now made perfect sense, and it made perfect sense that the love of his life, and the most heart filled person were exactly the <em>same person. </em></p><p>“I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it,” he said, smiling lightly at her. “Besides, what better way to start healing by,” he paused, looking around the room where it all began. “Leaving the house that evil acts took place in.”</p><p>He knew he was right.</p><p>“Will you be okay?”</p><p>He looked at her then, finding the concerned look in her eyes that he loved so much. How her eyebrows crinkled the skin between them, her lips turning down in a frown, and her eyes looking misty and fragile.</p><p>That look gave him hope, even though she had no idea who she was looking at.</p><p>“Maybe,” he said, which was the honest truth. “Just… have to get through it.”</p><p>There was a long pause that stretched into comfortable silence, making him feel safer than he has all night or morning. Standing here with his lady, or rather not his lady but still Ladybug to begin with, it made him feel safer, calmer, and maybe, it’ll even give him hope that his and hers’ future is better than how it seems to be going.</p><p>That… that will be the only thing he will be able to hold on to.</p><p>That, and maybe his sanity.</p><p>“Can I hug you?” Marinette asked suddenly, already outstretching her arms to him.</p><p>He caved and didn’t bother answering her as he sank into her embrace, smelling the all too familiar scents he recognized. Ladybug usually smelled of vanilla and coconut, comforting smells like the flame of a scented candle giving him a warm feeling inside. A feeling he realized should feel like home.</p><p>But… his home has been shattered.</p><p>He guessed Marinette, Alya and Nino were the only home he had left.</p><p>Maybe he was okay with that.</p><p>“Hey guys!” called Alya’s voice, forcing Adrien to break from the warm embrace and look towards the door as she continued talking. “Hate to interrupt, but a car pulled up outside and it’s your aunt and Felix.”</p><p>He nodded, “Right, yeah, coming.”</p><p>Marinette, Alya and Nino all helped carry all his luggage down the stairs and to the car, where his aunt and Felix didn’t even bother getting out of the car to great him. They loaded his luggage into the trunk and back seat of the large SUV they had taken, having enough room for everything.</p><p>Finally, when Adrien went upstairs to grab Plagg, opening the door to an empty room that Plagg floated in the center of.</p><p>Wordlessly, Adrien shut the door and walked to the kwami, staring up at the large windows, the windows he continuously sneaked out of to carry on with his Chat Noir duties.</p><p>He guessed he didn’t need to do that anymore.</p><p>“I’m sorry, kid,” was all Plagg said, his own voice thick with emotion.</p><p>Adrien glanced sideways at his kwami, closing his mouth and looking back up at the windows for the last time. “I know,” he said, nodding. “Trust me, I know.”</p><p>And that was that.</p><p>Adrien let Plagg fly into his shirt, and he walked towards the door of his room again, opening it once more. He paused at the threshold, one foot out of the room and one foot still in, giving him chills and forcing himself to look back. He did, turning his body fully back towards the room, standing at the threshold with a vacant chest and a thick lump in his throat.</p><p>He gave the room one last look, before slowly pulling the door shut.</p><p>And it clicked closed behind him.</p><p>That was five years ago.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hope you enjoyed!</p><p>ALSO!!<br/>The idea that Felix's ring MIGHT be a Miraculous was not my idea. The wonderful and stunning angrienagreste on Instagram actually posted a theory about it on her account. Please go check her out if you haven't already, her stuff is amazing!!</p><p>Also, i did ask permission to use her theory, and she said yes.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Some Things Never Change</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Chat wants to do something nice for Mari... therefore...</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Some Adrinette and Marichat for yall</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chapter 11: Some Things Never Change</p><p> </p><p>Adrien was a hopeless romantic, and really, considering his alter ego, that was no surprise to him or the kwami currently munching on some camembert at his desk. He was getting runny cheese all over the fine wood of the desk while Adrien tried to maintain his focus on the tablet in front of him, showing all the newest designs that were coming in this week. But the slurping of his disgusting kwami and the direction his brain was going with a certain girl’s blue bell eyes, was absolutely not helping.</p><p>“Can you <em>stop?” </em>Adrien hissed, glaring heatedly at his kwami who stopped to look at his holder.</p><p>“Stop what?” the cat had the audacity to say. “This?”</p><p>More slurping.</p><p>Adrien cringed and glared at Plagg, “I’m trying to <em>focus</em> here.”</p><p>“Right,” Plagg said, having mercy on his owner and swallowing the rest of the cheese whole. “And you have been <em>so</em> focused this week. Or perhaps, more focused on a certain spotted lady.”</p><p>Adrien rolled his eyes, “Whatever, man.” He shook his head and tried to force his brain to focus on the dresses he was supposed to be looking at. But he failed miserably when he imagined his lady the one in the dresses, and his mouth went dry from how cute she would look.</p><p>It was that moment Adrien had a revelation. Being the CEO of his dead father’s company was irritating, but having a crush on the most well-known woman in the world? Certain took the cake.</p><p>Well, technically he wasn’t the CEO of his dead father’s company, <em>yet, </em>and maybe that was part of the problem. He was just supposed to sit here, in this God forsaken desk and pretend like his father didn’t sit at it once. He was supposed to be getting a feel for the place for the next few weeks, while he <em>“pondered” </em>his decision about buying the place. He had many people on his ass about it, his aunt, other co-workers, even Felix, who seemed particularly interested in Adrien buying the company.</p><p>He once believed that Felix wanted the company for himself, and that was one of the many reasons why Adrien even considered buying the company, to keep it out of any other cold hands. But Felix had admitted that it wasn’t what he wanted at all, in fact he just wanted Adrien to buy it for himself for unknown reasons. Of course, he could be lying, but Felix rarely lies, and his reasoning is because, “the only thing that can hurt more than a lie, is a painful truth.”</p><p>Maybe that’s why Adrien was lying to himself.</p><p>Why was he lying to himself? Ha, well… that truth is a little more painful than he dared to admit or even think about. Considering his past dilemma with Ladybug and their just week-old rekindling on the matter, he still had images of her coming out of the blue and rejecting him, telling him off and never speaking to him again.</p><p>Of course, he had to take into consideration that even though she was letting him in again, as Chat Noir, anyway, she was still fragile. It was no mystery to him watching the heaviness she carried around with her all the time, even if it seemed lighter. Since they reunited on an emotional level, she did smile more, let him touch her, and even obliged to a few hugs here and there. But he could still tell there was something underneath the surface she wasn’t letting him see yet. She was hiding it deep, pushing it below the surface that crossed from her emotions to her thoughts then to her words, refusing to tell him. For a week, he tried to ask her about it, wanting to help her, but quickly backed off when he saw the anguish in her eyes.</p><p>He was so terrified of hurting her to the point of her pushing him away again that he didn’t even question pushing her for answers like he did before. So, he’s letting it slide for a while before it gets too much for her to carry and too much for him to just sit back and watch.</p><p>She has been doing better though, she’s smiling more, and not just a fond smile, but a genuine, happy smile that lit up her face and left little crinkles in the corners of her eyes. He wasn’t just the one to offer comforting hugs anymore, instead she would walk up to him and cuddle up against his chest like a sleepy puppy. He would be lying if he hasn’t died already from the warmth he felt in his chest at the action, and he certainly never rejected a hug from her.</p><p>She’s slowly, but surely, starting to let herself be vulnerable with him.</p><p>“What’s with that stupid grin?”</p><p>Adrien looked down at Plagg, finding the kwami giving him a half-lidded look. He scoffed, “What grin?”</p><p>Plagg pointed at his face, as if it were obvious. “The one that hasn’t left your face all week.”</p><p>Adrien rolled his eyes, “Here we go.”</p><p>“Just because you and miss spots are friends again doesn’t give you the right to drag me into your sunshine attitude,” Plagg ranted, his tone annoyed, but there was also a playful happiness that hinted in the background. His kwami was happy for him.</p><p>Adrien couldn’t help but smile, “Whatever, Plagg.”</p><p>He was about to resume his work when his cell phone started ringing. He picked it up, not bothering to look at the number and held it to his ear as he answered. “Hello?”</p><p>“Hey, Adrien, its Marinette.”</p><p>He nearly fell out of his chair, cursing as he dropped a bunch of files on the ground while Plagg snickered at him. Casting him an annoyed glare, he turned his attention back on the concerned girl.</p><p>“Adrien?” she said, her voice laced with concern and a hint of teasing. “You okay?”</p><p>“Yeah! Yeah, I’m fine,” he said, kicking away the files and settling back in his chair and putting all his focus on the girl on the other end of the phone. “Sorry, wasn’t expecting you to call, I, uh, forgot I had your number.”</p><p>“Oh,” she said, her voice unreadable. “Sorry, am I interrupting something?”</p><p>“No, not at all,” he said, sitting back in his chair, his curiosity rising on why she was calling. “Did you need something?”</p><p>There was a pause on the other end of the phone, a pause of pondering, he figured. Like she was trying to decide whether or not she should go through with this… whatever it was she was trying to go through with.</p><p>“Actually, yeah, I do,” she said, and Adrien smiled in excitement. “Do you happen to be in your office right now? I know you’re considering buying the place and I’m nearby and was just wondering if I could stop by?”</p><p>He smiled wider, “Of course, I’ll have Nathalie send you right up when you arrive.”</p><p>She paused on the other end of the phone, “Nathalie still works for you?”</p><p>Adrien faltered, confused why she’s asking, “Yeah? Why?”</p><p>“Nothing, just…” she trailed off, and Adrien was left wondering why she was acting hesitant. “Just a feeling, that’s all. It’ll be weird seeing her after… everything.”</p><p>Adrien shifted uncomfortably, unable to think of anything to say. “Just come over when you’re ready, okay Mari?”</p><p>She seemed taken aback by the nickname, but she hummed in answer before hanging up.</p><p>Adrien pressed his fists to his lips, staring down at the blank phone sitting on his desk. He had just agreed for Marinette—Ladybug—to come over and see him about something she needed. He was excited to see her, don’t get him wrong, but at the same time a nervous twinge came with the excitement. As Adrien, they haven’t talked in at least a few weeks since he’s arrived back, which means he’ll have to pretend like he knows nothing about her inner turmoil.</p><p>Honestly, it sucked lying to her, but he also doesn’t think she’ll appreciate him straight out saying something that’ll drive her completely off the rails. Something like, <em>hey, Marinette, I know we haven’t talked in a while but really, I have been seeing you every single day of the week because I’m Chat Noir! </em></p><p>He snorted, yeah, that’ll go down well.</p><p>Of course, he knew he wasn’t going to just outwardly say who he was at night, that would overwhelm her, and he’s seen firsthand what overwhelming her does. He cared and respected her too much to drop a bomb like that on her, that is just plain wrong to do on anybody.</p><p>But at the same time, it got him thinking how exactly the big reveal would happen. He knew about her identity, why wouldn’t she want to know about his? It’s only fair.</p><p>Or maybe he’s only justifying how he’ll “accidentally” reveal himself to her. Yeah, great plan Agreste, she won’t hate you for the rest of eternity.</p><p>“Don’t even think about it.”</p><p>The voice came from the cat lounging like an emperor on a thrown while lying on top of a bunch cheese crumbs. He yawned widely while at the same time, giving Adrien a pointed glare that made the poor boy glare darkly at the kwami. He just really wanted to push his buttons today, huh.</p><p>“You don’t read minds,” Adrien said, before leaning back in his own chair while staring at the door, as if Marinette could walk in at any second.</p><p>“No, but I do know you,” Plagg said, his tone matter of fact. “You have that same look on your face the many times you dreamt up how your fantasy reveal would go down, but guess what?” The kwami pointed an accusatory finger at his holder, “The reveal will never happen like you want it to.”</p><p>“I’m not asking it to,” Adrien said through gritted teeth. “I just want it to happen. I just wish—”</p><p>“Careful what you wish for, kid,” Plagg said, his voice lower. “The last time you wished for something, all hell broke loose between you to.”</p><p>“I know,” Adrien said, defeated. “I’ll just… wait for the right time.”</p><p>“There’s no such thing as the right time,” Plagg said.</p><p>That ended that conversation and sent Adrien into deep thought for the next five minutes. In those five minutes, his brain decided to be mean and he envisioned all the terrible ways Ladybug would reject him after he revealed his true face. The anxiety has always been there, even before he made the wish and found out her identity. But finding out it was Marinette was the best thing that could’ve come out of it. He wasn’t disappointed or upset it was her, in fact, it was fitting, one of the kindest and selfless people he’s ever known is the true face behind that red and black mask?</p><p>If the shoe fits, he guessed, and in this case, the shoe definitely fits.</p><p>He was always terrified how Marinette would react to Adrien Agreste, the son of a deceased, multibillionaire psycho that ran around spreading hate and negative emotions only to use them to his advantage, was her long time partner, and friend.</p><p>The boy that was supposed to be following in his father’s footsteps.</p><p>The boy that refused to.</p><p>He guessed he never thought of it that way.</p><p>His office phone suddenly buzzed, and he jumped about ten feet when it did, telling him he had an incoming call. He pressed on the answer button and spoke into it, assuming it was Nathalie.</p><p>“Yes?”</p><p>“Adrien, Marinette Dupain-Cheng is in the lobby, should I send her up?” Nathalie’s voice came over the speaker.</p><p>He couldn’t help but smile a little, “Of course, send her right up.”</p><p>Maybe it was because he hasn’t seen her for weeks, as Adrien anyway, or maybe it was because of hers and Chat Noir’s rekindling, but seeing her walk through his office doors with a gracious smile on her face was almost too much. She was wearing some white band t-shirt with an unreadable album cover on the front that was tucked into a brown plaid skirt that went down mid-thigh. Her brown boots went just below the knew but her white socks when over her knee that made her all the more attractive. Her hair was down, and curled, as if she was heading out to some fancy event with her friends.</p><p>“Hey,” she said, waving at him as she approached his desk.</p><p>He stood to meet her, shamelessly not hiding the way he looked her up and down just to get a better look of her.</p><p>“Wow,” was all he said, as he took her hand and shook it. “You look… wow.”</p><p>She grinned, “Well thank you, I made the skirt myself.” She twirled for him, her cheeks turning rosy as she met his eyes once she faced him again. “You like?”</p><p>He shook his head, glancing down at her outfit again, “I love,” he said, unable to hold it back.</p><p>Marinette flushed and held the notebook she was holding closer to her chest, her cheeks an adorable shade of pink as she glanced at him shyly.</p><p>“So, what was it that you needed?” he asked, gesturing for her to sit at the seat in front of his desk, taking his seat as well.</p><p>She brightened at his mentioning, taking the notebook out from underneath her arm and flipping a few pages inside. “I have my final project coming up in a few months and I was wondering if you could help me pick out a few ideas.” She paused at one page before flipping it around and handing it to him, which he took in grace and leaned back to look down at the designs.</p><p>“Are you allowed to ask a professional’s help?” he asked, looking up and flashing her a smirk.</p><p>She shrugged, “Technically, I’m not asking you to <em>make </em>the designs, just some… constructive criticism,” she reasoned, glancing down at the open notebook in his hands. “The guidelines say we can ask for criticism from any professionals we can get a hold of. And, since we’re f-friends and all,” she paused, giving him a shy look through her lashes that was utterly adorable. “I just… I don’t know, you don’t have to help me if you don’t want to.”</p><p>“No, no, these are good,” he said, leaning forward and resting the notebook on his desk while glancing at her. “You’ve always been talented, Mari, and it seemed to have gotten better over the years,” he said, casting his gaze down at the sketches and the colors. “I’m completely free at the moment, and I’m willing to help you if you want me to.”</p><p>She brightened, “That would be great!” she cried, the joy in her voice evident which made him smile. “Have at it, I really appreciate you doing this.”</p><p>He smiled, before leaning back and looking at her, “It’s my pleasure.”</p><p>She pointed at one of the navy-blue sun dresses on her sketch pad, drawing his attention immediately. “What about that one?”</p><p>It was a long navy-blue sun dress with a see-through fabric on the outside with a slip that went down to her mid-thigh on the inside. It flowed down the model’s legs like a wave and seemed to dance in a nonexistent breeze, giving off a very summery feel. The fabric that covered the chest was a modest straight line that held no straps as it was held in place by the pinched fabric on the chest. The pinched chest piece went down to just below the chest area and then flowed into the see-through fabric from her hips and down to her feet.</p><p>“It’s really good,” he said, studying it before looking up at her. “What’s the inspiration behind it?”</p><p>“Well,” Marinette said, gaining her thinking face, her parted lips and her focused eyes that were cast off to the side. “It’s meant to be a beach-slash-sundress. It’s meant to be worn in the summertime,” she explained, using her hands as she talked. “It’s supposed to represent the way waves move with the wind, hence the see-through fabric,” she pointed at the bottom of the dress, “And the dark blue color.”</p><p>“Interesting,” he said, impressed with her imagination that never caught a blind eye. “It catches the waves and movements perfectly, but you know,” he said, thinking as she gained a curious look on her face, awaiting his observations. “You seemed to have left out the sun and the moon, how they reflect off the water. The ocean isn’t plain, it’s glistening in the light all the time.”</p><p>She raised an eyebrow, “So, what, like add glitter to it or something?”</p><p>“Or something,” he said, smiling at her. “The dress is great, Mari. But maybe—”</p><p>“Add a little bling to it?” she asked, smirking. If he thought she was cute before, she was even cuter now with that mischievous look on her face, like she was up to no good. “I like that idea.”</p><p>He grinned, “Then I’m going to let you have full reign on that one.”</p><p>He looked back down at the sketch pad smiling, thanking the heavens they got along so well. He had to remind himself to focus on the sketches so that he doesn’t go crazy when she had that look in her eyes that made him want to kiss her silly.</p><p>His eyes fell onto a small pink dress that fell down to mid-thigh, blossoming at the model’s hips in a little upside-down cup. The dress was strapless again, with a sweetheart neckline that sparkled with a shiny fabric. There was a silver waist band wrapped just above the model’s hip bones, and it sparkled beautifully as if the sun rays were reflecting off it.</p><p>He pointed at it, looking up at her, “What’s this one?”</p><p>She leaned forward to see and grimaced at it. “That was a dress idea I had for prom all those years ago,” she said, laughing nervously and looking away. “I had forgotten I drew it in that one, and when I found an empty sketch book I could use for my college classes, I came across that sketch and, well,” she shrugged, “It’s not really something to put a price tag on.”</p><p>He gave her an incredulous look, “But it’s amazing!” he cried, looking back down at it with wide eyes. “I get keeping it to yourself but don’t think it’s not amazing.”</p><p>“I never said it wasn’t,” she said, her eyes lying.</p><p>“Yeah, but I can tell you’re thinking it,” he said, using his Chat Noir senses to see right through her. He knew Ladybug better than anyone, even after all these years apart from her. He still understood what each nervous look, hesitant step and secretive smile meant, and was beyond grateful he knew her so well. Because he can pull apart her feelings and understand what she’s feeling, instead of feeling left in the dark and unsure of how to comfort her.  </p><p>But that was Chat Noir’s job, he had no right to prod her as Adrien unless she came asking, and he wasn’t going to force her either. That would be the last thing he wanted to do.</p><p>“Then,” she said, her voice hesitant as she met his eyes. “What should I do with it?”</p><p>He shrugged, “That’s up to you,” he said, giving her an encouraging look. “But just know that, things left unfinished or undone, can follow you around for the rest of your life.”</p><p>Why did he get deep and personal all of a sudden? He doesn’t know, all he knows is that it felt like the right thing to say, and he was right.</p><p>Marinette pressed her lips together as she avoided his gaze and looked down, the gears turning in her head as she seemed to process this information to a much deeper level. He didn’t mean for her to feel uncomfortable if that’s what he did, the words just kind of came out… from personal experience. He hated leaving things unfinished, like the perfectionist he is, he has to finish something or else it’ll keep him up at night.</p><p><em>The situation with Ladybug feels unfinished, </em>he realized as he studied her.</p><p>Marinette’s watch suddenly beeped and she looked down at it curiously. Her eyes moved as she read what he assumed was a reminder, then she let out a very high pitched and unexpected squeal from the back of her throat. She stood up so quickly and snatched up the sketchbook out of his arms and he looked up at her quizzically.</p><p>She suddenly realized how rude she was being and gave him a terrified look, “I’m sorry!” she cried, holding her hands up in a surrender like way while at the same time dropping her sketchbook on her foot. She cursed as it hit her foot and she kneeled down to pick it up, while simultaneously pushing the chair back and knocking it completely on its back.</p><p>She cursed again and gave him a helpless look as he got up from his chair and walked around to help pick up her notebook, which had several loose papers in it that had fallen out.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” she said, more quietly as she shoved different papers in her notebook. “I forgot that I changed my shift hours to earlier and my boss just texted me wondering where I am. I have to meet a friend later tonight to… hang out and such.”</p><p>He didn’t say anything about the friend part, knowing it was probably just her talking about patrol later tonight.</p><p>“Hey, calm down,” he said, handing her the rest of the papers before they stood up. “It’s all good, Marinette, just calm down and don’t hurt yourself running over to work.”</p><p>She sighed, “Thanks for your help, Adrien.”</p><p>He liked the way his name danced off her lips. He smiled at her, “Of course,” he said, glancing down at her watch. “You’re late, huh? Glad to see you haven’t changed a bit.”</p><p>He regretted saying that as soon as he did, because her smile faltered and she looked down, avoiding his eyes.</p><p>He of all people should know how much she has changed.</p><p>“Yeah,” she said, looking up at him, a sad look hidden behind her eyes. “Some things never change.”</p><p>.             .             .</p><p>Chat Noir stood, illuminated by the golden rays of the evening sky, with his fists tightened and a nervous heartbeat in his chest. The sun was just about to disappear behind the horizon, and for about the millionth time he could count, he noted how beautiful the night was going to be. The skies were going to be clear; the stars were going to come out and he had a very dangerous, risky plan in mind that involved a feet lights and roses.</p><p>Oh boy, maybe he was in over his head, maybe this wasn’t such a good idea.</p><p>On top of his apartment building, there was a private pool that always lit up blue at night. It wasn’t necessarily open at the moment, since it was after hours and it was quiet time. The skyscraper was tall enough so that no one in the surrounding buildings could see what’s going on up here, and that was a good thing, considering—hoping—two superheroes would be lounging here.</p><p>Well, he would be the superhero, he was just going to make Marinette come here as herself and not her alter ego.</p><p>Of course, he wouldn’t <em>make </em>her make her, he would strongly insist that she should snuggle up into his arms while he flew across the city with his super ability to leap and land here with all the grace of a cat landing on all fours. Well, she could always say no, maybe she was still somewhat mad at him or she was about to head to bed, she’s been working hard all afternoon—Adrien knew this, not Chat Noir—plus, when he came to get her for patrol, she had said she needed some time to finish with college stuff. Maybe she just wanted some time to herself rather than be with her least favorite person in the world, right?</p><p>Let’s just say Chat had some doubts. And some anxieties.</p><p>But as he stared at the scene he just created, littered in rose petals and Christmas lights, the blue glow coming off the pool as the lights under the water turned on, he knew the only thing missing was his lady.</p><p>This reminded him a lot with what he did for Ladybug years ago, a dinner date that he ended up showing Marinette instead, but considering Ladybug and Marinette are the same person, he guessed he at least didn’t mess up there. Considering how much he’s screwed up over the years, at least he knew how to pick the right friends. But it was also a really dumb move to think that Marinette and Ladybug are completely different people, especially since he knew both pretty well.</p><p>He was just trying to do something nice for the girl that had the grace and forgiveness close to God Himself that still smiled at his unworthy figure whenever she saw him.</p><p>Really, this was such an innocent move at first, but now as he looked at the scene, the romantic vibe it carried, he could understand how she might take it the wrong way. The first thing on his mind wasn’t that he was trying to serenade her, or trying to make a move on her, he was innocently trying to do something nice for the girl that the world didn’t deserve. But now that he thought about it, maybe his tactics weren’t as innocent as he thought, and he scolded himself for it.</p><p>“This is dumb,” he said, raking a hand through his hair. He gestured at the scene stupidly, “I mean, she’s going to take this the wrong way, of course she is!” He sighed, rubbing his eyes from sheer exhaustion from all the feelings and emotions he has been dealing with. “I swear, I didn’t mean it to be this way.”</p><p>He was talking to the pool at this point, and the pool said nothing back, which he was grateful for. If the pool started talking, it would just confirm how crazy he is.</p><p>“You’re doing something nice,” he told himself as he walked back to the ledge. “You’re just, telling her thank you.” He hopped onto the safety railing, pausing as he looked in the direction of where Marinette’s apartment was, the final glow of the sunset finally disappearing as the night overcame the light. He imagined Marinette basked in the moonlight that’s bound to shine down tonight, and it made his heart patter in his chest.</p><p>He shook his head violently, “No,” he said to himself. “You’re doing something nice for her.”</p><p>He jumped off the railing into the darkening streets of Paris, feeling lightheaded from all the lying he’s done to himself this week.</p><p>This… this only added to it.</p><p>.             .             .</p><p>Marinette sat at her counter in her kitchen, slurping on her wonton soup and looking at her phone, watching little videos of kittens rolling around in the carpet. She giggled as the black one tried to flip back over, but flopped right on the ground again, her tiny body looking way to cute on the ground.</p><p>She doesn’t know how she found herself on this side of the internet, only having a sudden craving for wonton soup and adorable kitten videos that were currently making her swoon.</p><p>There was a single lamp in the other corner of her room, making the room have an eerie glow to it as she ate her dinner, liking the cozy feel to it as well.</p><p>Tikki sat content in eating her cookie right next to her, giggling occasionally when Marinette would show her one particular one that had them both giggling and thinking about two particular cats, they were both fond of.</p><p>Speaking of which—</p><p>There was a light rapping on her window, making her jump and turn around in her seat, afraid of some creep climbing up her fire escape… again.</p><p>Chat Noir crouched there, giving her a nervous smile.</p><p>She smiled fondly at him, giving him a look before getting up from her seat and walking to him. She reached out and unlocked the window and slid it upwards, the night noises of the city entering the room. She leaned on her hands on the windowsill, cocking an eyebrow at him with an amused smile plastered on her face.</p><p>“Twice in one week?” she asked, teasingly, which seemed to ease his nervous smile as he gazed up at her with a more relaxed facial expression. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you’re stalking me.”</p><p>He smiled at her, “But you do know better, and so do I,” he said, gesturing at himself. “I happen to know you’re My Lady.”</p><p>“Uh huh,” she said, unable to hide the smile that was breaking her face. “And what makes you say that.”</p><p>“Well for one, that’s your kwami right on your counter,” he pointed past her. “And second of all, you have My Lady’s eyes.”</p><p>She smiled at him, before stepping back, gesturing him in. “Come on in, you stray.”</p><p>He grinned as he carefully stepped into her apartment, his tall figure illuminated by the single lamp that barely lit up the room from the corner.</p><p>Marinette walked back to her stove, looking inside the pot she had used for her soup. “Are you hungry?” she asked, turning back to him. “I still have some wontons and soup left.”</p><p>He smiled at her before waving her off, “Nah, I’m good, but thank you.” He stood on the other side of the counter, the island separating them from the other, and the feeling of being too far away from him settled in her like a heavy weight on her chest.</p><p>She stepped forward and reached across the counter, taking her almost empty bowl of soup and turning back to the sink, pouring the remaining liquid down the drain.</p><p>“Why’d you stop by, <em>Chaton</em>?” she questioned, using the age-old nickname.</p><p>The sound of his suit shifting gave her the indication that he was shrugging. “Just, thought I’d stop by and see how you’re doing.”</p><p>She smiled before opening her dishwasher and placing the bowl in the top rack, all the while giving him a grateful smile. “You’re sweet, Chat, but I’m fine, really,” she said, as she subconsciously rolled her long sleeves further down her wrists, almost covering her hands. She folded her arms at her chest and studied him for a moment, noticing the nervous glint in his eyes that still hasn’t left him.</p><p>“What about you?” she questioned, catching his gaze. “Are you okay?”</p><p>He gave her a reassuring look, “Yeah, I’m fine, just—I was just, you know—” he reached up and scratched the back of his neck, a sign that he was nervous. “I was just wondering if you—if you were willing to—you don’t have to—”</p><p>“Chat,” she said, stopping him. “Just say it.”</p><p>He sighed, staring at her for a moment before dropping his hand lower and using his thumb to point back at the window. “Would—would you like to come out with me?”</p><p>She raised her eyebrows, “Why? Is there something wrong?”</p><p>“No,” he said, shifting on his feet. “No, I just—just want to sh-show you something.”</p><p>She furrowed her eyebrows at him, “You okay? You seem… nervous.”</p><p>“Pfft!” he laughed, waving her off with his hand. “I’m not nervous!”</p><p>She cocked an eyebrow, “Sure you aren’t.”</p><p>He gave her a look.</p><p>She sighed, “Fine, just let me get Tikki—”</p><p>“Actually,” he said, stopping her. “Could it just be us two?” he asked, his eyes pleading. “I-I get that I have to stay transformed but, I would prefer you not to be transformed.”</p><p>She eyed him, pressing her lips together as she pondered her decision. There was some risk to her leaving Tikki behind, considering it’s been at least a week since the last amok attack, and they didn’t know when they would attack again. But there was also the pleading behind his eyes that made her pause and watch him.</p><p>She sighed, “I guess you could bring me right back if something happens.”</p><p>He grinned, “Of course, My Lady.”</p><p>Marinette slipped on her shoes and in a pink shirt long sleeves shirt that slipped over her shoulder and her comfortable black yoga pants. She then climbed out behind Chat onto the fire escape and let him envelope her in his arms before jumping off the building at high speeds.</p><p>It felt far scarier without her super suit, since she had to rely on Chat to not drop her. She trusted him, she knew he wouldn’t let her fall, but she still gripped him like he was her lifeline.</p><p>The ride didn’t last long, soon enough they landed on top of some apartment building that was taller than most of the buildings around them. It was definitely more expensive than the building she lived in, and she suspected that this was a place where Adrien Agreste would live.</p><p>He set her down on her feet again, facing a wall where a door that probably led to a staircase was. The starry night sky glowed above them, making their eyes glowing brighter than the slowly dissipating sunlight.</p><p>“What did you want to show me?” she asked, looking up at him.</p><p>He smiled at her, before taking her hand and leading her to the side. “Just, c’mere.”</p><p>She was about to retort at him for being the mysterious guy he was until they rounded the corner, and the words just died in the back of her throat. A blue glow lit up her face, and all she could do was stare at the beautiful scene in front of her.</p><p>The safety railing around the edge of the building was wrapped entirely in white Christmas lights, giving off a soft glow that only lit up the scene a little bit. Rose petals littered the floor, hundreds of them lying around in uneven spaces between each one while candles flickered with them. The flames of the candles gave off a vanilla and cinnamon scent, making her inhale deeply and take in the sweet scent. There was a medium sized pool in the middle of the scene, rose petals lying on top of the surface of the water that danced in the moonlight, candlelight, and Christmas light. The lights in the pool made the water turn blue, and the rippled rays of light danced around the walls and ground, lighting up their figures as well.</p><p>Needless to say, Marinette was speechless.</p><p>“Chat,” she said, looking over at him with wonder in her eyes. “What’s all this?”</p><p>The different romantic lighting danced off his beautiful figure, and his smile only added to the affect. “Just a little something I put together for you.”</p><p>She huffed before looking back at the scene, her eyes wide and her mouth agape. “Why?” she asked in astonishment, looking back over at him.</p><p>He smiled sweetly at her, “Consider it a thank you.”</p><p>“A thank you?” she asked, confused. “For what?”</p><p>He gazed at her, “For forgiving me.”</p><p>She softened at his words. “Kitty…” she said, smiling at him before looking back at the scene. She stepped forward and used both arms to gesture around her, “You didn’t need to do all this for me.”</p><p>He paused for a moment, “I felt obliged.”</p><p>“You didn’t need to set up an entire romantic date to say thank you,” she said without a second thought.</p><p>She could feel his grin, “I never said it was a date.”</p><p>Marinette bit her lip, avoiding his gaze and focusing on the scene in front of her. For all she knew this could be a romantic date, if she wanted to believe it so.</p><p>“You like it though, right?” he asked after a moment of silence passed between them.</p><p>Marinette took her time answering, admiring the way the light reflected off the pool and its ripples danced off the walls and ground. Watching the light from the Christmas lights trying to compete with the candlelight that flickered gently on the surrounding area they were in. She watched the way the rose petals shifted when the breeze picked up a little and a few floated away off the building or to the corners of the rooftop.</p><p>She already knew her answer before she spoke.</p><p>“I love it,” she said, looking around still. “It’s beautiful.”</p><p>There was a long pause where they both sat in silence, and Marinette suddenly remembered Adrien’s words from earlier.</p><p>
  <em>But just know that, things left unfinished or undone, can follow you around for the rest of your life.</em>
</p><p>She needed to finish it, to end it.</p><p>“Chat,” she suddenly said, turning back to him.</p><p>He met her eyes immediately and furrowed his eyebrows when he noticed the disturbed look behind them. “What’s wrong?”</p><p>“Nothing,” she said, stepping closer to him. “I just… I think there’s an apology in order.”</p><p>Chat’s eyes widened in worry, “What did I do?”</p><p>She smiled fondly at him, “Not you, Kitty,” she said, shuffling on her feet and gesturing at her chest. “Me.”</p><p>Chat grew a worried look on his face before stepping forward, not too close but not too far. “You don’t need to apologize for anything, My Lady. You didn’t—”</p><p>“Just,” she said, stopping him and raising her hands. “Listen to me.”</p><p>He hesitated, before closing his mouth and nodding at her to continue.</p><p>She held his gaze a little longer before looking down at her feet, finding them very interesting at the moment. Unable to face him for a moment longer, she turned from him and walked to the edge of the pool, her toes just touching it as she stared down at the rippling water.</p><p>She drew a long breath before speaking without turning around to face him.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” she said, her voice shaking. “In my anger and frustration. My thoughts were clouded… because you did the one thing, we were trying to prevent from happening.”</p><p>He shifted behind her but didn’t speak.</p><p>“I thought I was the only one hurting,” she continued, her emotions making sense for the first time in years. “You made the wish, brought me back and you <em>lied </em>to me about <em>everything…” </em>She trailed off, controlling her voice from speaking. She was no longer angry at him, she was just… sad. “But… but then—” she stopped when she felt him take her arm.</p><p>She jerked her head to the side and saw him gently take her arm and pull her to face him again, both of them standing on the edge of the pool. His eyes were full of sympathy as he met her pain filled eyes, dissecting what she was trying to say to him. He refused to let go of her arm as the glow of the pool lit up their faces, making them look sadder than they really were.</p><p>“But then…” she continued, unable to look at him and instead looked at the rippling water. “But then I realized… I died in your arms.”</p><p>He looked away this time, which drew her attention back to him. He had closed his eyes, his face grimacing as he remained haunted by the memory.</p><p>“You had to watch as I slipped away,” she said, shaking her head and looking away. “I can’t imagine the amount of pain you felt that day.” She paused, looking up at him before reaching out and lifting his chin back up, his eyes opening to meet hers. “But I can imagine the fear.”</p><p>He only stared.</p><p>“When I said I’d do the same thing,” she said, her chin trembling. “I meant it.” She shook her head at him, her face starting to contort, “I can’t do this without you, Chat Noir. So, I understand that you needed me, but I needed you to.” She paused, not leaving his gaze, “I still need you.”</p><p>Chat stared at her for a long moment, before reaching out again and taking both of her hands and pulling her towards him. His body was so close she could feel his breath bouncing off her face, and the body heat he was emanating from being in her close proximity.</p><p>“I’m not leaving you,” he said, shaking his head. “Never again.” He looked down in shame, closing his eyes, “I’m sorry I lied and took Hawkmoth’s life for yours, and I’m sorry I put this… thing inside you by bringing you back.”</p><p>She looked down as well, “Do you wish you hadn’t?”</p><p>“No!” he cried, surprising her enough to look up at him. The terror in his eyes was screaming at her, and she tried not to feel relieved from hearing that. “God, no… I just wish—”</p><p>He stopped when Marinette started chuckling, looking up at her quizzically.</p><p>“Careful what you wish for, Kitty,” she said, smiling at him widely.</p><p>She watched as all the weight seemed to fall off his shoulders, and he snorted lightly, giving her an amused, disapproving look. “That’s not funny.”</p><p>She smirked, “It kinda is,” she said, winking at him.</p><p>They both lightly chuckle, relieving long lived tension between them that has been there for far too long.</p><p>“But,” Marinette said, her tone serious again. “I’m sorry, <em>Chaton. </em>I… I never put into perspective what… who I was pushing away,” she looked up at him, meeting his patient gaze. “And trust me when I say this; I will never push you away again,” she said, but she felt the familiar feeling of dishonesty burn in her chest, or rather, on her arms. “I’m sorry,” she said anyway.</p><p>He stared at her for a long time, his eyes misting and his expression unreadable.</p><p>Marinette felt the anxiety rise in her chest when he said nothing. “Say something,” she quietly begged.</p><p>He’s slow at doing it, but he releases on of her hands to reach up and cup her face, the contact making her head dizzy. Her cheeks started to warm against his palm, and she made the mental note that when Chat Noir is emotional, he likes to touch her. She tried to ignore how much she liked that.</p><p>“I forgive you,” he said quietly, smiling lightly at her.</p><p>Marinette sighed in relief, looking down and closing her eyes.</p><p>He watched her, “Like I wouldn’t, My Lady.”</p><p>She looked up at her nickname, meeting his gorgeous eyes and finding herself unable to look away. Something happened in that moment, something that stirred something deep inside her, that made her heart quicken and her blood start to pounding in her ears.</p><p>It was the way he looked at her, the way he glanced down at her lips then licked his own, his cheeks slowly starting to redden. He moved closer to her, pulling her against him by the hand while still stroking her cheek in a delicate manner, making butterflies flap around in her stomach. He tilted his head down, his lips parting as he neared her.</p><p>She panicked.</p><p>So, what did she do?</p><p>She shoved him in the pool.</p><p>Chat came up spluttering while Marinette started cracking up, holding her stomach as the laughter overcame her with the way her Kitty looked with messy, soaked hair and a pouting lip as he glowered at her.</p><p>“I thought it was clear enough that cats hate water,” he said, swimming near her. “And what do you do? You push a helpless, loving kitten into the water, where he is victim to it.” He watched her laugh harder, “This shouldn’t be funny.”</p><p>“I-I’m sorry!” she said, her abdomen hurting from all the laughter she’s spilt out of her body. “You-You just look so <em>cute </em>with your hair all messed up!” she said, holding her head as she scrunched up her face as more waves of laughter came over her.</p><p>He smirked, “I bet you’ll look pretty cute with wet hair to.”</p><p>She stopped laughing at that, raising her hands in defense while she backed up, watching as Chat climbed out of the pool, soaking wet.</p><p>“Chat,” she said, warning in her voice. “Don’t.”</p><p>His grin only widened, “C’mere My Lady, it’s just a little water.”</p><p>She took off running, but since she was mere human and Chat had his super speed on his side, he easily caught her waist and shoved her into the pool. She screeched at the freezing water, coming up for air and gasping. She glowered at Chat who stood at the edge, smirking.</p><p>“I’m in my clothes!” she cried.</p><p>“And I’ll never hear the end of it from Plagg tonight,” he said, winking at her. “It’s only fair.”</p><p>She snorted, “If you had a super suit on and it didn’t count as fair, sure, okay.” She turned from him and crossed her arms, standing with the water up to her chest.</p><p>She heard the water swallow something behind her and turned as Chat approached her in the water again.</p><p>“You’re shivering,” he observed, before wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her against him.</p><p>She laid her hands on his biceps, staring up at him.</p><p>“Are you cold?” he asked, concerned. “Do you wanna go home?”</p><p>She liked it here though, wrapped in his arms in the freezing cold water, his very body heat the only thing keeping her warm. She softened in his hold, letting herself lean forward and rest her head against his shoulder, feeling safe as she closed her eyes. She felt her body starting to relax, it’s been while since she’s been held like this, and she wanted to stay there.</p><p>“Not really,” she admitted, his heartbeat making her sleepy.</p><p>She barely noticed the way his lips pressed against her forehead. “Then we can stay here for a bit.”</p><p>Despite the cold, Marinette fell asleep in his arms.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hope you enjoyed! </p><p>Also, i have an instagram now! Go follow me @ being_happy_official</p><p>I want to interact with you guys! I will be posting teasers and updates on my insta account, go check it out!</p><p>Edit on Oct. 20 2020:<br/>Hey guys!! Posting tomorrow!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Breaking</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>After the morning comes and Marinette remembers last night's events, she realizes that maybe, there might be something possibly there. But as two familiar unfriendly faces show up to her work, she falls hard into a pit of darkness.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hey guys! Please read the end notes!</p><p>WARNING: THERE IS GRAPHIC DESCRIPTIONS OF SELF HARM IN THIS CHAPTER. PLEASE BE WARNED.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chapter 12: Breaking</p><p> </p><p>She dreamed of warmth, covered in a comforting blanket that met her every need as she came in and out of consciousness. She felt arms under her backside and knees, carrying her through the cold wind as if ripped at her clothes, chilling her skin. She felt coldness of the water slowly disappear as someone wrapped a towel around her shoulders before laying her in a cloud of sheets. She fell asleep instantly.</p><p>
  <em>BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!</em>
</p><p>Marinette let out a very high-pitched screech as she lurched forward, feeling like she’s been attacked. She looked over by her nightstand and saw her phone flashing it’s screen as it awoke her, giving off an unholy noise. She stared at it for a long moment before reaching out and clicking the alarm off, sighing and dropping back into her sheets.</p><p>“Marinette,” Tikki’s voice came through the cloud of exhaustion. “Marinette, you should get up.”</p><p>Said girl groaned and placed an arm over her eyes, trying to block out the noise that was disturbing her precious sleep. “I’m so exhausted.”</p><p>“I bet,” Tikki said, floating up in front of her. Marinette opened her eyes to look at her little companion and smiled lightly at her. “You had a pretty late night with Chat last night.”</p><p>She furrowed her eyebrows, “With—” The memories suddenly came flooding back, and her cheeks started reddening immediately. The way they stood so close until she could feel his breath bouncing off her face, how her heartbeat had picked up pace as he stepped closer, the way he slowly leaned down…</p><p>She covered her mouth with her hand, “Oh my God, I almost kissed him.”</p><p>“You <em>what</em>?!” Tikki exclaimed, looking surprised, “Really?”</p><p>“Yes, really,” she said, covering her entire face this time and groaning, “Ugh, this is <em>not happening.” </em></p><p>“Is that a bad thing?” Tikki questioned, drawing her holder’s attention back to her. “That you almost kissed him?”</p><p>“Yes!” she exclaimed, raking her hands through her hair. “I can’t… I can’t do that to him. I can’t be in a relationship right now, it’s not healthy. For me or for him.”</p><p>Tikki seemed to ponder this as her holder writhed in her bed, making uncharacterized groans and complaints about the situation she found herself in. Marinette aggressively rubbed her hands up and down her face, maybe trying to wipe away the mental images of Chat and his wet hair and being so close to him in the cold night.</p><p>Marinette sat up in her bed and buried her face in her hands again, refusing to look up as her emotions spiked. How, despite all she felt for the situation and despite the <em>very bad idea </em>it was to actually pursue something like that with him, she actually wanted to be with him.</p><p>“This is worse than when I had a crush on Adrien,” she finally admitted, removing her hands from her face and giving her little companion a helpless look.</p><p>“At least this time he reciprocates your feelings,” Tikki said, her voice chirpy and soothing as she floated closer to the distressed hero. “This could be different Marinette, who knows, maybe Chat is exactly what you need right now.”</p><p>“A relationship?” Marinette raised her eyebrows. “Tikki, I don’t think that’s a good idea.”</p><p>“I’m not saying jump his bones,” Tikki said, making Marinette blush. “I’m saying… sometimes, when the road is tough, especially with your situation, it’s good to lean on other people for a change.”</p><p>The hero pressed her lips together, her fingers twitching nervously. She didn’t like the idea of putting all her problems on Chat, especially since she knew he was prone to feeling guilty and thinking everything that’s wrong with her is his fault. He also was just as human as she was under the mask, and being that he had his own problems, burdens and life in general to deal with. If she ended up adding to that, she would feel guilty and ultimately be acting selfish.</p><p>“I can’t rely on him for my happiness,” she said, giving her kwami an incredulous look. “Doing that would be putting him under all this pressure and he wouldn’t think half of it because he… he cares for me.” She shook her head, putting her hand on her forehead and closing her eyes, feeling helpless. “I can’t do that to him.”</p><p>“I think you’re confusing leaning on someone with carrying someone,” Tikki said, her voice still positive despite Marinette’s sad undertone. “You don’t have to rely on him for your happiness at all. Happiness is found in time and healing, <em>your</em> time and healing. They don’t come from someone else.” She paused and waited for her owner to hold out her hands, the kwami sitting in them and smiling up at her. “But healing can also come with the package of leaning on someone and not going through hard times alone. Chat is not carrying you, even though he would do that for you. He will only carry you if you really need his help and you simply couldn’t stand on your own in any moment.”</p><p>The little goddess of creation paused to let her owner take this all in, no doubt this was a lot of different things that drew the line between toxic and not.</p><p>“Leaning on him will not hurt him, Marinette,” she said, continuing with her soothing words. “He’s strong, and he’s willing to help you stand when you can’t. The only reason why he’s upset is because you’re not letting him in.” Tikki rubbed the palm of her holder, helping her relax. “And, if being in a relationship with him, even though this is a dark time for you helps you stand, then that’s not toxic.”<br/> Tikki smiled at her, “That only means you’re letting someone in, and that is far from toxic.”</p><p>Marinette averted her eyes from her kwami, instead fixing her eyes on the wall opposite from her. Those were words to consider, she hated the idea of being vulnerable and maybe hurting Chat—no, <em>leaning on Chat</em> because it made her uncomfortable. Maybe, all this time, she wasn’t worried about hurting him, but rather opening up to him and what she has to say would suddenly shatter him.</p><p>Tikki was right when she came down to it, Chat Noir is not some breakable, fragile piece of glass that could easily break under pressure. Chat Noir is a superhero, and a damn good one at it to. He’s seen some things she hopes she never sees in her lifetime, and he’s somehow still alive and sane, from what she suspects.</p><p>He can still make her laugh and come up with awful cat puns, but all in all, he was a great person, friend and partner.</p><p>She needed to have faith in him, and she guessed that was the problem all along.</p><p>Marinette sighed heavily, before meeting her kwami’s eyes, “Thanks Tikki, I appreciate you.”</p><p>The little Kwami smiled warmly before coxing the sleepy girl out of bed and into the kitchen, where she yawned and grabbed a coffee mug from the cupboard. She put the mug under the coffee machine and started it after she put the crunched coffee beans in, and she waited as it poured. She cut a small piece of coffee cake and put it on a napkin for Tikki and her to share while the coffee finished pouring. She got the cream from the fridge and pulled the sugar closer to her and added them to the coffee before taking a nice, satisfying sip.</p><p>“Marinette! There’s a note on the fridge,” Tikki said, before finishing up the little piece of coffee cake she had provided for her.</p><p>Marinette set her mug down on the counter and walked over to the fridge and found a handwritten note on it that stuck to the door with a magnet. She furrowed her eyebrows before pulling it off and looking down at it as she turned back around, leaning her arms on the counter.</p><p>“It’s from Chat,” she said, her heart warming as she continued to read it.</p><p><em>You fell asleep My Lady! I took you back to your apartment, hope you had pleasant dreams! Don’t worry about last night, Paris was quiet. I’ll stop by tonight to pick you up for patrol!</em> He drew a little cat with anime eyes and blushing cheeks next to his name which was signed in cursive. She was used to seeing that signature, since he’s done it a hundred times before when signing autographs for fans. She found it very amusing that he made one for her as well.</p><p>She crinkled the edges of the paper with a small smile on her lips, “Silly cat,” she said, before turning around and pinning it back on the fridge. She admired it for a moment, smiled, then completely avoided the small blush on her cheeks and turned back to the counter.</p><p>“I’m gonna turn on the news,” she said, taking her coffee and walking to her couch across the room. “I don’t have to be at work for another two and a half hours, and there’s no school today.” She picked up the remote and turned it on as she sat down, and she nearly jumped when she heard her name on the TV.</p><p>
  <em>“—Ladybug and Chat Noir being back and calming some Parisian fears, the Gubydal Gang is still at large and still spreading panic and worry across the city. Officials have confirmed that crime has spiked since the two superheroes returned, and the deadly gang is more than ever determined to take Ladybug out. They claim she is an unfit protector for the city that she supposedly left behind at the mercy of injustice Parisians. Despite all these rumors and speculations, let’s here from some civilians how they think of the matter.”  </em>
</p><p>The clip switched from the unknown reporter and to a young blond girl who looked like she was disgusted with something behind the camera. <em>“What?” </em>she cried, shaking her head franticly. <em>“N-No! Ladybug and Chat Noir’s job is to protect the city from akumatized victims and sentimonsters. They should not have to take responsibility for our own faults and actions. Yes, Ladybug and Chat Noir pitch in whenever they can, but their job is to take the blunt of the fall for us, not save us from our own people. That’s the police’s job, and our job as our own city and community is to take care of ourselves and watch out for each other. Those two watch out for our wellbeing and do things we cannot do, like bringing down supervillains and protecting others from akumatizations. We should not expect them to do everything for us. They’re human to. </em></p><p>Marinette felt warmed by the sentiment, setting her coffee down and watching the news broadcast further. She still felt guilty about leaving her city behind for her own selfish reasons, but if the city still believed in her to protect them from the sentimonsters, she guessed she could live with it.</p><p>Her heart dropped at the next few commenters, however.</p><p>A man in a cut clean business suit and a nice dark hairline appeared on the screen, his eyes focused on the reporter next to him as she asked him a question.</p><p><em>“It’s been five years since we last saw the two people that made the streets safe enough to walk down at night. Now, ever since they disappeared, my girlfriend feels terrified to walk alone on her way back from work. I’m terrified for her when I can’t get to her in time to drive her home.” </em>The man shook his head and looked at the screen and pointed at it, and she felt like he was talking to her. <em>“I used to be big fans of you guys, but now, you’re just a convenience to have. Funny how you two turned back up as soon as a sentimonster arrived.” </em></p><p>It only got worse when an old man appeared on screen, wearing a white undershirt and holding a cigarette in his mouth, its lit end making smoke float into the air.</p><p><em>“If she really was a hero, she wouldn’t have left us in the first place. A hero never abandons their people, especially in times like these. That Chat Noir character to, they’re both frauds and a disgrace to the French name.” </em>The old man rolled his eyes then took a drag from his cigarette before continuing. <em>“Where has either of them been the last few years? While innocent people got hurt, they were lounging back and watching it happen as soon as they killed Hawkmoth.” </em>He snorted and was already walking away from the camera when he said, <em>“No doubt about it. They’re more like a bunch of super cowards if you ask me.” </em></p><p>The broadcast switched back to the reporter before, who had a very grim look on her face, her eyes showing anxiety. <em>“Well, there you have it. What do you, people of Paris think? Should we forgive our local heroes? Or should we protest against them? Send your thoughts to </em>Paris Today <em>and we’ll discuss further—” </em>The broadcast suddenly cut out when the screen went black, making Marinette flinch and look up as Tikki flew up with the remote in her hand.</p><p>“You shouldn’t watch that,” she said, sitting down on the coffee table in front of her. “It’s demeaning.”</p><p>Marinette sighed, setting her coffee mug down before sitting back, her arms crossed at her chest. A heavy weight of guilt had decided to sit there on her chest, and she started tapping her foot out of habit.</p><p>“But it’s true, isn’t it?” she said, gesturing at the TV and looking back at Tikki. “I did leave them. I let so many people get hurt just because I couldn’t be Ladybug anymore.”</p><p>“You were hurting,” Tikki said, her voice becoming sympathetic. “Sometimes even superheroes need a breather.”</p><p>“For five years?” Marinette said, before she stood up and took her coffee mug from the table, walking back towards the kitchen. “I couldn’t put on the mask for <em>five years </em>just because I was hurting.” She tried her best to keep her emotions in check as she washed what coffee she didn’t drink down the drain of her sink. She set the mug to the side and turned around, facing Tikki again and leaned against the counter.</p><p>“Just because you have powers, does not mean you are not still human. You have human emotions, human fears and anxieties, and those people are being ignorant by thinking you’re incapable of feeling pain!” Tikki stopped at Marinette’s wide, shocked eyes. The little kwami took a deep breath before continuing in a gentler voice. “Some humans can’t get out of bed with what you have, and you’ve had days like that to. You need to understand that your bed that you weren’t able to get out of was putting the mask back on.”</p><p>“That’s no excuse,” Marinette said, raking her fingers through her hair. She was so<em> tired</em>. “I’m selfish…” she cast her eyes away from her kwami and to the counter, where the drawer she kept all her silverware was. She felt a tremor shake in her chest, “It sometimes makes me wonder.”</p><p>Tikki gave her a perplexed look. “Wonder what?”</p><p>Marinette stared at the drawer for a long moment, getting lost in the void. She could hear the screams in the back of her head changing pitch and slowly starting to push a blackout forward. The loud waves drifting back and forth and kicked at her ankles, trying to throw her off balance.</p><p>She suddenly flinched and squeezed her eyes shut, drawing in a long, shaky breath, which didn’t help her with the anxiety, but it helped push the screams back.</p><p><em>Don’t, </em>she told herself.</p><p>“Nothing,” she said, pushing herself off the counter and starting to walk back to her bedroom. “It’s nothing.”</p><p>.             .             .</p><p>Marinette spent most of her long shift in the back room, working on her final school projects and sharing sweets Mlle. Abreo brought her with Tikki. She was finishing the last bit of sketching on one of the dresses she needed to finish when there was a knock on her door, and she looked up as Mlle. Abreo herself walked in.</p><p>“Hi, boss, what’s up?” Marinette said, setting her pencil down and standing.</p><p>“Oh, nothing dear,” Mlle. Abreo said, walking into the room and folding her hands in front of her as she stood in front of the desk, smiling at her. “I wanted to come check on you, if that’s alright?”</p><p>Marinette raised her eyebrows at her in surprise, “Really? Is everything okay?”</p><p>Mlle. Abreo’s face shifted from lighthearted to concerned really fast it almost gave Marinette whiplash. She pressed her red lips together and gestured for her to sit back down while her boss took the seat across from her.</p><p>“I’ve noticed you’ve seemed…” Mlle. Abreo looked down to search for the right word. “I don’t really know how to describe it, but I’ve seen you stare off into space sometimes, I’ve seen your eyes are clouded, and don’t think I haven’t noticed the number of times you’ve needed to walk out unexpectantly.”</p><p>Marinette shifted uncomfortably in her chair, readjusting her crimson skirt and avoiding her mentor’s eyes. They bore into her like they were searching for something, and the older women laced her fingers together and rested them in her lap, giving off a very loud principal vibe.</p><p>“I’m not trying to pry, <em>Marinetta,” </em>she said, the nickname rolling off her tongue effortlessly. “I’m just concerned. I’ve… I’ve seen those signs before,” her eyes gained a heavy look, like she was reliving something in the past that she has given her nightmares. “And I was stupid to ignore them when I saw them, and then it was too late.” She met Marinette’s eyes with a warm, inviting look. “And this is me learning from my mistakes.”</p><p>Marinette looked down shamefully, hating how uncomfortable and vulnerable she felt. Mlle. Abreo was waiting patiently on the other side of the desk, her leg bouncing over her knee comfortably. She could feel the awkwardness and tension in the room building up, like she was waiting for something to explode.</p><p>She already knew there was something wrong, she just refused to tell anybody. She figured the world would keep spinning if it didn’t know her problems, it might even spin better without knowing.</p><p>But then the conversation she had with Tikki earlier in her apartment came up, the one where it’s okay to lean on other people sometimes. She raised her gaze tentatively and looked at her mentor, who was smiling patiently at her, her warmth inviting.</p><p><em>You can trust her, </em>she told herself.</p><p>She swallowed nervously and opened her mouth to speak. “Well I—”</p><p>The bells suddenly went off with a little chime, indicating someone had entered the shop. Cheerful female voices were heard from the front part of the shop along with the soft pad of shoes. Mlle. Abreo bowed her head in disappointment just as Marinette was getting up, fixing her skirt and looking at her mentor.</p><p>“I’ll get it,” she said, before hurriedly walking out of the office, her heart racing.</p><p><em>What were you thinking?! </em>She mentally yelled at herself. <em>You could’ve endangered your job, and risked Mlle. Abreo seeing you have a blackout. How stupid can you get?! </em></p><p>She forced all those thoughts to the side as she rounded around the racks of clothes hanging around the store, raising the corners of her lips in greeting when she froze. Two very familiar brunettes stood there, one of them looking anxious and the other one looking completely relaxed. They both turned and saw Marinette in front of them, the relaxed girl with a sneer on her lips along with her cocky, loud attitude.</p><p>She would recognize that attitude anywhere she went.</p><p>“Lila,” she said, her fists balling up at the sight of the girl that turned all her friends against her.</p><p>Said girl turned fully to her, her arms crossing at her chest and grinning evilly at her. “Marinette,” she said, her voice spitting venom in her angelic voice. “So lovely to see you again. It’s so good to see you doing so well.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Marinette said, straining herself not to laugh. “You to.” She eyed the girl next to her and saw that it was Alya, who had turned her gaze down to the floor, like she was feeling guilty. She turned back to the liar, gesturing at both of them, “You to just stopping by?”</p><p>“Just browsing,” Lila answered, stepping away from Alya and reaching out for one of the racks. She stroked her fingers against the delicate piece of fabric that was colored bright blue with embroidered flowers on it. “We’re just going around the different shops in the area, browsing stuff we can’t buy.”</p><p>“Oh,” Marinette said, glancing at Alya who was brave enough to meet her eyes. “We used to do that,” she said without thinking.</p><p>Alya pressed her lips together, shifting her weight.</p><p>“Am I sensing a little tension?” Lila piped in, her voice obviously indicating she was going to latch onto that drama and twist it until it turned back on Marinette. Again.</p><p>Both Alya and Marinette stayed quiet, avoiding each other’s gaze.</p><p>“Ohhh,” Lila said, drawing out the vowel and glancing between the two. “That’s right, you guys had a falling out, right?”</p><p><em>Insensitive bitch, </em>Marinette thought.</p><p>Lila snickered which made Marinette tense up, balling her fists and preparing for the blow. Even though it’s been a few years since she’s seen Lila, she already knew what was coming. And she was so used to it now she already knew what she was going to make her feel. Guilt and shame. Too of Marinette’s most used emotions.</p><p>“I’m guessing Marinette pulled one of those lies from that hole she calls a heart,” Lila said, grinning darkly at her.</p><p>Marinette didn’t say anything, instead stilling and glancing at Alya, who didn’t say anything either. That made the next words Lila said hurt even more.</p><p>“No wonder your friendship ended,” she said, crossing her arms and stepping up next to Alya again, fixing Marinette with a cold glare. “No one wants to be friends with someone that can’t keep the truth separate from the lies.”</p><p>“Lila—” Alya started but was cut off.</p><p>“What?” Lila said, looking back at her incredulously. “You complain about her all the time. You think she’s not woman enough to take the criticism?” Lila turned back to her, giving her a disapproving look. “You’re stronger than that, and humble like the pathetic, lying girl you are. You can take it, right?”</p><p>Marinette looked at Alya again, meeting her eyes finally and silently pleading for help.</p><p>Alya pressed her lips together and slowly took Lila’s arm, “Maybe we should go,” she said, tugging on her arm a little, but Lila just pulled away.</p><p>“I really hope you’re not growing sympathetic for someone like Marinette,” she said, gesturing at said person. “She lied to you, broke your trust, and worst of all, she deceived everyone of us that she is a good person. She deserves what she’s getting.”</p><p>Marinette panicked and met Alya’s eyes, asking her a silent question.</p><p>Alya understood immediately, “I… I didn’t tell her anything,” she said, giving Marinette a look that said she was telling the truth, but at the same time, there was something off about it. She turned back to Lila, “Really, we should go. Now.”</p><p>“Why?” Lila said, gesturing to Marinette. “I’m <em>defending </em>you, Alya. Someone needs to put this ungrateful, lying bitch in her place—”</p><p>“Get out.”</p><p>All three girls flinched at the new voice. Marinette turned back to see Mlle. Abreo, her tall stature stalking towards them. Her heels clicked across the floor towards them, giving her the bad teacher vibe as she stopped right next to Marinette, folded her arms, then gave the two girls a cold look.</p><p>Lila was the first to speak, “Excuse me?”</p><p>“Get out,” Mlle. Abreo repeated, gesturing at the door. “I don’t appreciate you treating my employee this way.”</p><p>Lila, having no respect, whatsoever, continued. “This is a public place, therefore I have a right to be in here.”</p><p>“Actually,” Mlle. Abreo said, taking another step forward, like she was challenging her. “As the owner of this <em>private </em>property, since I live just upstairs, I can legally ask you to leave my grounds. If you refuse, the police will have no problem with it either.” She gave them a sneer that challenged Lila’s snarky tone, “I don’t tolerate bullying from customers, employees or anyone of any kind. So, I am kindly asking you to walk your high and mighty, rude, impolite little ass out of my shop.” She turned to Marinette, who flinched when she gave her a look that must’ve scared the others shitless. “And since I only heard her mouth yapping, is there anything you’d like to say to them, Marinette?”</p><p>Marinette hated chewing people out, especially if she was the one wearing a mask half the time. She guessed that was the hero in her, trying to remember to be kind all the time, put on a pretty smile and pretend like nothing can touch you. That’s what everyone thinks; that she’s this pretty princess that nobody can hurt because she’s the savior of Paris.</p><p>But recently, since the sentimonsters started showing up, since the Parisians started turning on her, since the Gubydal gang claimed she wasn’t fit and terrified her city. All of this was building inside her, and she could feel herself ready to explode.</p><p>She was done staying silent.</p><p>“Lila,” she said, daring herself to look into those cold eyes. “I never lied, and I didn’t ask to end my friendship with Alya. She ended it with me because she didn’t understand why… why I lied to her.” She turned to her former best friend, who had an unreadable look on her face. “And Alya,” she said, feeling her throat tense up as her emotions threatened to spill over.</p><p>“You had a mask to,” she finished, then quickly turned away and walked to the back of the store, leaving the room in complete silence until she was out of sight.</p><p>.             .             .</p><p>Marinette burst through the doors into the alleyway, her breathing unstable and her heart racing. She felt as if her lungs had left her body, leaving an open, shallow place for air to come and go but never give her relief. She could feel the way her skin and eyes stung, her throat closing up and chocking her. Her knees shook underneath her, and her arms suddenly felt heavy, her body weight and everything that was attached to her becoming several pounds of unbearable weight, even her clothing.</p><p>The world around her was blurry, the back of the building with all the trash cans and garbage piled up in corners. Her mind felt frozen and sluggish, like she was trying to process too many things at once, her body being overwhelmed by too many things. Her heart pounded harder in her chest, and she cried out as she fell to her knees, struggling to breath.</p><p>She knew she was having a panic attack. She just didn’t know when it would stop.</p><p>Everything around her suffocated her, her vision was nauseating, and her stomach churned violently. Waves of anxiety poured from her heart, making every part of her tremble as she struggled to not be sick, to try and calm herself down.</p><p>The words, the faces, the noises and the insults triggered something inside her. She could already feel it coming on as she exited the room and ran for the back door, stepping out into the alleyway and gasping for breath she couldn’t hold.</p><p>Everything hurt, her body, her head, her heart and her chest felt like there was a thousand pounds on top of her. She couldn’t breathe. She couldn’t breathe. <em>She couldn’t breathe.</em></p><p>She slammed her hands against the ground, not registering the pain as she tried to get back her grip back on reality. Her vision was already gone as she squeezed her eyes shut, the tears running down her cheeks in agonizing streaks. She might’ve screamed a few times, but she couldn’t hear anything over the white noise. She felt like she was going to die, everything inside of her was shriveling up, and her heart was cracked into thousands of pieces, scattered everywhere and out of reach. She couldn’t reach them, and she couldn’t feel anyone even trying to touch her heart, to help save her from the agony that was this moment.</p><p>She felt this was fitting, having to die from her own mind. She never belonged here in the first place; she was supposed to die years ago! Her soul did not belong here. She could tell just by the way it was leaving her body in agonizing ways that she did not belong here. She was not supposed to be here, and she should just end the process before she suffers any longer. If she was going to have a slow death but inevitable die in the end, why would she let herself suffer? She could end it right here!</p><p>She felt her hand grab something to the side of her, and it dug into her skin harshly, but she didn’t care. She just wanted the pain in her chest to stop, the agony that was living to stop. She squeezed harder and she felt something warm run down her arm, but it still wasn’t enough, she needed to snap herself out of it. She needed to end it. All of it.</p><p>She doesn’t remember what happened next, but she does remember a loud noise, something slamming against her stomach by her own doing, and the warmth that bounced off her stomach. She couldn’t feel anything but the pain in her chest still, so she pushed further, slammed harder, and tried to snap herself out of it.</p><p>She could feel her mind waking up, slowly stirring back to consciousness or out of whatever she called this state. She still couldn’t feel her physical nerves reacting the way they should, registering pain and the need to stop.</p><p>She could feel the waters behind her roaring and trying to snap at her ankles, trying to gain leverage on her and pull her from the land she was sheltered on. She wasn’t necessarily safe here, on this island, but this island was keeping her alive. It kept her away from the unforgiving waters, the darkness of them calling out to her and begging her to end it all. This island had tools she could use to stop herself, the rocks, the splinters, the dangerous animals, all these things kept her numb and unfeeling of her emotions. They kept her from giving in, they kept her from turning back and marching towards the water, letting its currents and deep waters drown her and take her.</p><p>The white noise was getting softer, and she could slowly feel herself coming down from the terrible high she was at. She could feel the pain in her right hand now, the warm liquid running down her wrist and arm, a lot of it she could tell. She was holding something solid and firm in her left hand, but she couldn’t tell just what yet, but she knew it was the thing that hurt her stomach. Her body and mind were slowly waking up from its sudden and unexpected attack, and she now felt the throbbing in her body.</p><p>She groaned, hunching over herself more and holding her hands out in front of her, her left hand was unable to let go of the thing she was holding, so she rested her other arm over it and leaned down. She keeled over herself into a ball, her throbbing right palm facing upwards as she pressed her forehead onto her arms, feeling her heart starting to calm down.</p><p>She stayed like that for a long time, not bothering in caring about the tears that feel down her face, they were numb, and so was she for a moment. When she had panic attacks, she had to wait until she could start feeling again before she moved, or else she could go into panic mode again and freak out somewhere she isn’t supposed to freak out. For all she knew this was the first wave of her panic attack, she could have a second or sometimes even a third one if she didn’t wait long enough.</p><p>She felt herself sob a few times, but she didn’t hear it, the white noise was slowly disappearing, and she wasn’t going to move until it was gone. Everything inside her was melting into a restless, exhausted state that she recognized as the safe zone. Which means, she could technically start moving now, but she didn’t want to risk it. She was lucky she wasn’t going to have a second wave, usually pretty huge panic attacks like these came with a few waves, but she guessed the universe was being merciful to her today.</p><p>She waited another couple minutes until the white noise left her completely, which was replaced by street noises, rustling papers in the wind, and some voices.</p><p>She hesitantly and slowly raised her head and looked up, her eyes becoming half lidded with how exhausted she suddenly was. She tried to recognize her surroundings after a panic attack, because if she didn’t know where she was, it could cause the wave of panic to come back. She recognized the alley, the one that was behind the boutique she worked at, with Mlle. Abreo. She remembered occasionally bringing out the trash back here, sometimes catching sight of a few homeless men that are patiently waiting for her to dump the trash out. She was facing the entrance far away from her, a least a hundred/ a hundred-fifty feet away where it branched off into the main street and sidewalk. It was a dead end behind her, and since this alleyway was not somewhere criminals liked to hide in because they had nowhere to go if they were cornered by police, she sometimes came out here at night. She sometimes worked late nights with Mlle. Abreo to get ready for the next day and when she found it hard to stay awake, she would come out here to let the silence and cold air wake her up.</p><p>Now that she knew where she was, she groaned again and slowly started to force her body to move. She sat back onto her heels and surveyed the damage she made, not surprised about it at all. She held in her right what looked like a ripped open can of some kind of soda, and it had blood on it. Her right palm was soaked in blood, no doubt she squeezed it hard enough to make it draw a lot of blood from her palm. Her left arm was covered in new cut marks from the can, which dripped with her blood. The cuts were not as severe as the ones she’s given to herself with a razor, which meant they weren’t dripping blood, but they were there, there with the intention of harming herself.</p><p>What perplexed her was the rock twice the size of her hand that was locked in her fingers, her skin stinging from how hard she was gripping it. She vaguely remembered something hard hitting her stomach, and she suspecting she started hitting herself with the rock out of desperation when she wasn’t feeling the cutting.</p><p>She blankly dropped the can from her fingers and reached out for her left hand locked around the rock. She carefully and painfully pulled herself from the rock, since it was so hard to let go of. She suspected she was gripping it so hard that her joints and fingers just held on by instinct. She tried not to whimper too loudly when she finally pulled herself free, looking down at the blisters and the small cuts the rock had given her in her palm.</p><p>She sniffed harshly and dropped her hands into her lap, flinching when it hurt her. She stared off into the void again, fixing her eyes on the wall next to the door she had run out of. She couldn’t feel anything in that moment besides the stings and the bruises forming on her stomach, and she relished in the physical pain. It kept her grounded, and it kept her from losing her grip on reality for too long.</p><p>Maybe that’s why she liked the pain so much.</p><p>“Marinette…?”</p><p>She didn’t answer.</p><p>“Oh… my… what did… what did you do?”</p><p>She still couldn’t answer, her mind getting lost in the void once again.</p><p>“Marinette? Can you hear me?”</p><p>Nothing. <em>The void was calling.</em></p><p>“Marinette.”</p><p>Something touched her shoulder and she flinched away from it, jerking her head to the intruder. She relaxed when her little companion was floating there beside her, her little eyes swimming with unfallen tears.</p><p>“Marinette,” she said gently. “Did you do this?”</p><p>Marinette only stared at her kwami, opening and closing her mouth to try and speak. She didn’t trust her voice, not after the fit she just had that no doubt lead to some screaming. She tried to use her voice but got to scared to use it that she pulled back in fear of starting another panic attack, so she just stayed quiet.</p><p>“Can you hear me?” Tikki tried again, her voice still gentle.</p><p>Marinette slowly nodded at her.</p><p>Tikki looked around the scene, noticing the blood on the ground and the scratches and cuts on her arms. She inspected her palms from afar, not daring to reach out and touch her chosen in fear of causing another attack. In these moments, she knew she didn’t like to be touched, especially after an attack.</p><p>
  <em>Unless it was him. </em>
</p><p>Tikki knew that no doubt, her holder can no longer keep this from everybody, and by doing that, the person that would not refuse to step in when something like this happened, was <em>him. </em>Marinette needed someone to help her stop, and <em>he </em>was exactly where she should start. He is not the cure, but he is the start.</p><p>“Let’s go back home,” Tikki gently prodded, catching her owner’s attention. “Let’s get you home so we can clean you up.”</p><p>Marinette nodded and slowly moved, setting her feet under her and pushing herself to her feet with a grunt. The blood was still flowing from her arms and she could tell just by the way her owner stood that her stomach was somehow hurt. She had to get her home fast so she could stop the bleeding.</p><p>She somehow needed him to get there, but in Marinette’s state Tikki wasn’t going to dare leave her alone for very long. She remembered the note Chat Noir left for her from last night, and she relaxed her mind on the matter now that she knew he was coming eventually. She just had to make sure Marinette held on until her partner got to her later.</p><p>Only a few hours, Tikki believed in her, but she sincerely hoped that these next few hours were not going to be filled with more of what she saw just now.</p><p>Needless to say, it was torture for the little kwami to find her owner, in the center of an alleyway, breaking as the world seemed to attack her with everything they’ve got.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>PLEASE READ!!<br/>Hi yall.... it's been a minute. </p><p>A while ago i sai i wasn't giving up on this story, and I am holding that promise! I still have plans to finish this story, i just took some time off it to reset and finish "Finding You." Now it's finished! And i can finally focus on this piece of work! </p><p>I am so excited to get back into working on this work, but please keep in mind that this story is going to get really dark. Please check the new tags i added on. Please place your mental health before reading this story. </p><p>I love you all! Sorry that it took some time to finally get this story going. I don't know when i will be posting for this story because i am not on a schedule or anything. I will update when I update. </p><p>Follow my insta for teasers and updates! @being_happy_official<br/>Thanks to all of you for your patience!</p><p>~being_happy</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Phase Two</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Adrien listens to a disturbed Nathalie, Alya talks to an old "friend" about Marinette, and Lila makes a call.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>And the plot thickens...</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chapter 13: Phase Two</p><p> </p><p>Plagg was, no doubt, the most disgusting creature Adrien had ever come to the pleasure of meeting. He was both grossed out by the fact that he could swallow an entire wheel of camembert whole and amazed by it. The little god of destruction certainly had a few hidden talents up his sleeves, or paws. But despite all that, Adrien was losing his mind currently. His day had been filled with business calls, meetings about price tags, business deals and the discussion of whether or not he was going to buy the Agreste company in the future. Not to mention the countless emails he had to send back and forth towards frustrated clients on their product that they bought with their own money.</p><p>It wasn’t his fault the entire company was falling apart; he was the one that was keeping it together by literally the end of his will. It took everything in him to walk into this office, the office his father once worked in, and sit in the chair his father once sat in and answer the calls his father once had to answer.</p><p>He was at his wits end, his mental state crumbling from the sheer amount of skill it was keeping both the company together, being the face of the brand, and trying to satisfy his aunt’s wishes. He knew for a fact she and everyone else in the building expected him to take the role head on, to take it in stride and not falter. The problem there, is that he was already faltering, barely able to keep it together when so much was happening in both his civilian life and his secret life.</p><p>In his civilian life, the company was falling apart, and he didn’t even want to go down to every little detail of it because he was going to crash if he did. He wasn’t sleeping well, due to the anxiety and worry and pressure all on his shoulders, both from keeping his own boat afloat, the company’s, and Marinette’s.</p><p>He closed his eyes and rubbed the bridge of his nose at the thought of Marinette, and her tired eyes and her changed demeanor. He knew Ladybug was already heavily affected by everything that happened in the past, Marinette just as much so since they are the same person. She finally opened up to him recently and he realized, as he sat with her as she cried, that she was really struggling.</p><p>It was hard enough to see her go through that, and the fact that he couldn’t be—first of all, she wouldn’t let him—with her every step away, was killing him. He knew she needed to deal with things on her own sometimes, but that didn’t mean he didn’t want to help her walk through it.  </p><p>Which brought him to another concerning topic, and that was the concern of his cousin.</p><p>Felix seemed distant. He’s always been cold towards him and it made Adrien less fond of him every day, but something about him has changed ever since that accident a few years ago. He called it an “accident” because that’s what Aunt Amelia calls it, a mere misunderstanding between family members, which was normal and healthy. To be honest, ever since his cousin made his friends think that he hated them, he’s always been uneasy about him. He just gets this dark, heavy feeling in his chest whenever he’s in his presence.</p><p>Since Felix has been involved with his life quite often since the day he left Paris, Adrien has been uneasy about spending time with his friends whenever he knew Felix was around. Of course, he rarely did that, considering he never knew where his cousin was or where he went, but he had this odd feeling that told him he needed to be careful.</p><p>He didn’t like the idea of Felix getting close to Marinette, since she is such a sweet, kind-hearted person and would help someone if they simply asked. He guessed that’s what made her such a good Ladybug, because she always had an open mind when it came to the things and needs of other people.</p><p>When it came down to it, he realized he didn’t want anyone closely related to him to get to know any of his friends. The mere idea of it, terrifying. His relatives were cold people, and considering how warm and welcoming his friends are, he didn’t want someone like Felix taking advantage of that.</p><p>All this zipped through his mind as he stared down at the computer, the one he was supposed to be writing emails on. A new one popped up every few minutes, reminding him further how much he needed to get things done. He stared at the screen for a long moment, tapping the black pen against his thigh and thinking deeply.</p><p>“Maybe if you stare at it long enough it’ll start writing the emails for you,” Plagg said, snickering from his spot on the desk.</p><p>Adrien sighed and reached out, closing the computer and leaning back in his chair. He rubbed his exhausted eyes with his fingers and stayed in the darkness for a moment. He knew he needed to get some emails off tonight about company deals and something about someone yelling at his secretary earlier today, but he didn’t have the energy. He just felt like collapsing and passing out.</p><p>“I don’t know why I’m doing this,” he said, swaying in the chair a little bit, listening to Plagg’s munching. “I’m barely holding it together with my bare hands and it’s still crumbling around me.”</p><p>“Maybe it’s because you absolutely don’t care about the company,” Plagg’s voice coming out matter of fact. “You’ve never liked modeling or working on business deals. The only reason you kept doing it was because of that aunt and cousin of yours.”</p><p>Adrien scowled and dropped his hands, looking at the wall as the bags under his eyes became a lot more evident. “It kept me busy, kept me from thinking about… things.”</p><p>“And was that healthy?”</p><p>Adrien grimaced, “No.”</p><p>“Exactly,” the little god said, swallowing another piece of camembert. “We both know how badly you crashed a few years back after burying everything inside.” The kwami’s voice sounded strangely concerned, which caught Adrien off guard as he looked down at his companion. “You’ve become a better man because you finally dealt with it, and a less of a pain in my ass.”</p><p>Adrien smiled, chuckling a little at his friend’s strange way of cheering him up. “Thanks, Plagg,” he said, still swaying in his chair. “Really, you’ve been through all of it. And I can’t really thank you enough.”</p><p>Plagg made a noise between a grunt and disgusted splutter, making Adrien raise his eyebrows at his kwami.</p><p>“No need to get all cheesy,” he said, making Adrien smile and finally drop the subject.</p><p>“Well, I think I’m gonna turn in for the night,” he said, already gathering up his stuff and placing it in his work bag. “We have patrol later tonight with Ladybug and there’s no way I’m missing that.”</p><p>Plagg groaned, “Do we have to transform? Can’t Paris rest easy for one night?”</p><p>Adrien met his kwami’s eyes, shaking his head. “Unfortunately, not. With all this jazz about the Gubydal gang and the hate being dumped on Ladybug, the streets are going to be more active tonight.” He stood from his chair and slung the strap over his shoulder, sighing deeply as he stretched his cramped muscles. “The news broadcast this morning was an encouragement for the lesser sane Parisians to go threaten the street, and no doubt Marinette was affected by it.” He paused as he thought of what her reaction was to the news broadcast this morning, and he balled his fist as his anxiety rose once again.</p><p>“Maybe I’ll go see her earlier,” he said, already dropping his bag near the desk chair. He tore off the business jacket he was wearing and rolled up the cuffs of his sleeves, untying the tie around his neck and dropping it on the desk. He unbuttoned a few buttons down his shirt and stepped up to the full-length window next to his desk, over seeing Paris as the sun slowly dipped in the horizon.</p><p>A shrill noise suddenly filled the room and Adrien jumped, looking back at his desk as the phone rang loudly. He barely heard Plagg’s muffled complaints as he rushed to the phone to stop it, picking it up and holding it to his ear.</p><p>“Hello?”</p><p>“Hi, Adrien, It’s Nathalie.”</p><p>He paused, surprised she was calling at this hour. Usually she left the building around four o’clock for other business-related stuff that required her attention off campus.</p><p>“Hey, Nathalie, are you still in the building?” he asked, responding carefully as he slowly sank back into his desk chair.</p><p>“Yes, I’m just downstairs. I have a car waiting for you at the front whenever you are ready to leave.” There was a long pause between them, and Adrien thought he could hear Nathalie’s shaky breathing on the other side of the phone.</p><p>“Nathalie?” Adrien said, his voice laced with slight concern. He leaned forward and rested his arms on the desk, listening intently. “Everything okay?”</p><p>“Yes, sorry,” said her voice, which sounded a little shaken. “I just… may I come speak to you in your office? Are you alone?”</p><p>Adrien furrowed his eyebrows together, “Yeah, of course, I was just about to wrap things up, so I’m free.”</p><p>“Alright, I’ll be right up.” And with that, the line went dead.</p><p>Adrien placed the phone back down and pressed his fists to his lips, his mind slightly jumping to conclusions that made his anxiety spike. Did something happen? Was he in trouble? Did Felix or Aunt Amelia do something that Adrien had to fix, yet again?</p><p>“Something smells fishy,” Plagg said, who had his eyes squinted at Adrien and had stopped eating.</p><p>Adrien sighed, leaning back in his chair, tossing anxieties from his mind that lead to things he absolutely did not want to consider. “It’s probably that cheese you’re holding.”</p><p>“No, not this,” Plagg said, before, surprisingly, setting his cheese down and floating right in front of his holder. “I’ve always had a bad feeling about Nathalie. She was your father’s assistant, she was absolutely devoted to him, and she was <em>obsessed </em>with him. Like, creepy levels obsessed.”</p><p>“I think the cheese is getting to your brain,” Adrien said, his tone still relaxed. “Nathalie is a good person. She had no idea my father… what my father was doing.” He drew out a long, heavy sigh as he tried to ignore Plagg’s annoying accusations that were not true. “I trust her, Plagg. She was there for me in the darkest parts of my life, more than anyone ever has been.” He shook his head and tapped his finger, “She wouldn’t do anything that would hurt me. She might’ve been in love with my father at the time, but so was everyone else. That does not make her a bad person, just susceptible to being in love with a deceiver.”</p><p>The sound of an elevator door opening echoed outside the office and Adrien froze, glancing at Plagg quickly and jerking his head below him. Plagg, not too happy about it, disappeared into a file drawer just as Nathalie rounded the corner of the see-through windows to his office. She came up to the door and let herself in and stalked towards his desk, her face looking like it had been dipped in wax it was so pale.</p><p>He stood to greet her, walking around the desk and placing a hand on her arm, steadying her since she looked like she was going to fall over any minute.</p><p>“I’m alright, Adrien,” she said, her soft-spoken voice obviously shaking from the effort of standing.</p><p>He led her to the couch and helped her sit down, her thanking him as he handed her a small drink of scotch. She downed it with one gulp, and she seemed to relax at the taste, her shoulders slumping a little more.</p><p>“What’s going on?” he asked, sitting next to her and studying her with concerned eyes.</p><p>She shook her head, staring down at the empty glass in her hand and tracing the rim with her thumb. “I really am fine, Adrien I just…” she said, before leaning forward and carefully placing the empty glass on the table. She turned to him, her eyes curious as she continued, “I have a few questions for you, if you don’t mind?”</p><p>Adrien was already nodding at her, “Of course, go ahead.”</p><p>She shifted uncomfortably, her silence making Adrien uneasy to her demeanor and her attitude. She seemed… disturbed, like there was this tint in her normal personality. He’s always known Nathalie to be this sort of under cover person, her privacy very important to her, and her outline of sadness but also dealing. He didn’t really know how to describe it, just the emotion you get from someone that lost something, or someone dear to them and they are still grieving, and yet it happened a while ago.</p><p>He knew the way Nathalie felt for his father, even if he ended up being a crazy person that akumatized people for his own interests in the miraculous. She had been in love with him, and being in love can blind you to the things that are dangerous for you.</p><p>Nathalie fiddled with her fingers nervously, avoiding eye contact and his prying, concerned eyes on her. “I think I may just be confused, but—" she turned back to him, her eyes curious. “Do you understand your father?” She swallowed nervously when he froze at the mention of his father. “I mean, what he did?”</p><p>Adrien paused for a moment, shifting to the side a little bit and processing the question. It wasn’t normal for Nathalie to pop a question like that on him, especially since both of them lost someone they loved to evil acts but died in the end. His father’s former assistant was very quiet and not very open to discussing the events that involved his father. After all, you don’t just go around talking about someone you loved dying.</p><p>“Adrien?” she called, her voice was quiet, hesitant, like she was not looking forward to his answer.</p><p>“Well,” he finally said, leaning forward on his knees and looking out the window of his office, wishing he was on his way to Marinette’s. “I don’t, honestly. He was a psychotic maniac that threw purple butterflies in the air while taking advantage of people’s emotions. I can’t understand how someone…” he trailed off, images of Ladybug in his arms, her eyes glazing over and the blood on his fingers. His chest boiled in anger and he had to pinch himself to keep himself from throwing something across the room.</p><p>He was being a hypocrite. Hawkmoth—Gabriel Agreste—was obsessed with getting Ladybug’s and Chat Noir’s miraculouses for years, so that he could make a wish that ultimately could hurt human life. Adrien suspected it had something to do with his mother, but he didn’t focus on that too much. He had done the thing that him and Ladybug were trying to prevent, he made the wish to ask her to come back when he shouldn’t. That’s what Hawkmoth’s goal was, and it hurt him to think about the disappointment in her eyes when she found out.</p><p>But her grey face, her pale gaze, and her lifeless form in his arms flooded his memory, and he had to drop his eyes to the floor to keep his emotions in check. He can’t imagine a world without her in it, and the idea scared him. But what scared him most of all is that he’d do it again in a heartbeat if something like that ever happened again.</p><p>A chill went down his spine, and he shivered to the thought.</p><p>“My father was an evil man,” he finally said, not daring to meet his eyes. “But… I honestly think he was doing all of this because of my mother, not that it justifies his means, but when someone you love dies it can leave a mark on you. You either heal from that mark, or you let it spread inside you, and you become the very thing the person you love never wanted you to be.” He tried to keep the mental images of Ladybug dying on the ground out of his head, looking into his eyes for the last time and telling him it was okay when it really wasn’t. “I can’t imagine if… if she had—” he cut himself off before he could say anymore. Apparently, his tongue was also out of his control as well.</p><p>“Who?” Nathalie tried, her curiosity showing through her voice. “Are you—”</p><p>“No,” he said, trying to divert the conversation away from the lady in red that held his heart. “No, I was just… I guess I do kind of understand why he did it. He missed my mother and wanted her back. But just because she died in my arms doesn’t mean—” he stopped and groaned, leaning forward and burying his face into his hands. “I’m really tired tonight, Nathalie, could we call it a day?”</p><p>“You were talking about Marinette, weren’t you?” she responded, instead of granting his wishes.</p><p>Adrien was caught off guard by the name on her lips. He carefully lifted his eyes to her, surprised to find her eyes laced with interest.</p><p>“Why would you think that?” he asked slowly, watching her reaction. Red flags had been raised in his mind, and he had a very subconscious feeling to build a wall, a protective wall around the part of his brain that knew her identity. Something about the way Nathalie’s eyes bore into his and made him feel cold all of a sudden had him feeling anxious, and little desperate to get to Marinette.</p><p>She’s never discussed Marinette before this, not since back in the day when being a superhero was pretty new to him and he was madly, madly in love with his partner. Those were the simpler days, and he remembered the countless times he’s brought Marinette up to Nathalie about things that were important to said girl. Like attending her birthday party, the giant picnic she had in the park, and winning several Agreste brand awards. But he’s never heard Nathalie bring her up in the past five years, not till now, and especially when they were having a conversation about his father.</p><p>Ladybug and his father had many meetings, which is why he waited cautiously for Nathalie to answer.</p><p>“She’s come into your office a few times,” Nathalie finally answered, looking very undisturbed by the question. “And you’ve been helping her with a few of her designs and you were friends with her in the past. I just assumed that… I don’t know, that you two were close?”</p><p>Adrien thought about the time she cried in his arms the night he followed her home to make she was alright. How countless times they’ve sat on the rooftops and had intimate conversations about life, worries, anxieties and how much they really did miss each other the past five years.</p><p>When he seemed like he wasn’t going to answer, Nathalie continued with a question that confused him.</p><p>“Do you miss your father?” she asked, her tone gentler this time. This was the voice she used when she was trying to be sympathetic with him. She wasn’t very good at it, since she has always been a little cold, not as cold as his father, but still cold, nonetheless. But all in all, he knew she cared for him, and he was grateful she was even trying. Not a lot of people have tried to be nice to him in the past, besides close friends, but he lost them as he moved away, and Nathalie was all he had.</p><p>“I don’t know,” he finally answered, making a tired groan into his hands as he rubbed his palms up and down his face. “Maybe I do, but I think I just miss the person I believed in rather than the person that was there and real. He never really was a father, and he never tried to be, and I miss the part of him that I made up in my head and believed could exist.”</p><p>“And…” Nathalie continued, her voice becoming more hesitant as he looked back over at her, studying her avoidant eyes. Her dark hair had grey streaks in it, no doubt the last five years have aged her more than her real age, but he guessed grief did that to people. She fixed her glasses and looked at the coffee table as she spoke, “And… what… how would you feel if he were standing in this room right now?”</p><p>“Like I’d kill him,” Adrien answered immediately, which he knew wasn’t true. No matter how many times he told himself he would do it, even though he has basically done it before, he doesn’t believe he would have the guts to kill his father again. “If he was somehow alive and he somehow got hold of the butterfly miraculous again—in fact, <em>if anyone </em>got a hold of that miraculous again I would—” he stopped, remembering to breath so that he didn’t give into his anger. “I don’t know… I just hate the idea of beautiful things being used in the wrong way.”</p><p>Nathalie was quiet a moment, leaving Adrien in silence to his own words that echoed around his mind. It angered him; the idea of the butterfly miraculous somehow being dropped in the enemy’s hands again. But he believed that was just his anxiety talking, Marinette was a kick-ass guardian, and she was doing really well with the responsibility despite all she’s been through and this… thing inside her eating away at her. There’s no way she would let the butterfly miraculous slip through her fingers. She was a lot smarter than that.</p><p>“So, you just…” Nathalie finally said, her voice quiet like she was trying to analyze something and talk at the same time. “You just want the wrongs to be righted?”</p><p>Adrien, not entirely listening to the words or what they could mean, nodded as he thought of Ladybug and Chat Noir jumping into danger headfirst like in the old days, taking down the baddies one by one. Righting the wrongs of Hawkmoth, and the mistakes he’s made himself, and returning to what they believed was a normal life, but when it came down to it, he didn’t know what that was anymore.</p><p>Nathalie suddenly stood from her spot, making Adrien look up at her quizzically. He saw her eyes staring out the window, like she was searching for some kind of solution in the horizon that she could see slowly coming into sight. The gears turned in her head and worked out some kind of solution to the problem she was trying to solve, and it popped in her head. It looked like she had some kind of awakening in her mind, like everything started clicking into place and suddenly, she was ready to take action.</p><p>“Nathalie?” Adrien called, which snapped her out of her daze she seemed stuck in. “You okay?”</p><p>“Yes,” she quickly returned, and her shoulders relaxed more as she met his eyes, all the gears in her head coming to an abrupt halt as she hid something behind her eyes.</p><p>This made him tense, sensing something beyond the show and to the backstage where she was hiding something. He felt something was wrong, like the shoe that was still not dropping was balancing on the edge and just waiting for the right command. Or maybe, the right person to push it and send it to cause disaster below.</p><p>“Thank you, Adrien,” Nathalie said as she gave him a smile. “I know what to do now, thank you.”</p><p>He didn’t have much time to question what exactly she knew what to do now because that was when she made her exit. She didn’t look back once as she exited the room, swinging the door open and entering the hallway with a swing in her step. She saw her reach for her coat pocket and pull out her phone, flipping through it a few times before putting it up to her ear. That’s when she disappeared around the corner to the elevator.</p><p>“You felt it to,” Plagg said, flying in front of Adrien’s face and giving him an <em>I told you so </em>face. “You felt how off she was.”</p><p>Adrien nodded, glancing in the direction where Nathalie disappeared from. “She did seem a little shaken up tonight, but I wouldn’t say she was… off,” he said, completely lying to himself. She did seem rather odd to him tonight, but that didn’t mean she was acting funny. She probably just had a long day at work and needed to collapse into bed, like him.</p><p>“You gonna do something about it?” Plagg asked, watching as Adrien stood from his spot and walked over to the window again.</p><p>Adrien was quiet, instead shoving his hands in his pockets and staring down at the city he is supposed to be protecting. Technically they are protecting it, but in the end, he really did not feel like a savior of Paris right now. He felt more like someone who deserved nothing more than a participation award, and those things were not really something to be proud of to have in his case.</p><p>“Not right now,” he said, turning away and grabbing his briefcase, jacket and tie and shoving his cell phone in his pocket. “She’s probably fine and it’s nothing to worry about, she can take care of herself. I just want to go see Marinette. I’m exhausted.”</p><p>Plagg saw the exhaustion in his holder’s eyes and softened. He normally wasn’t hard on his holder; in fact he never was unless it came to stuff that could potentially threaten Adrien, Ladybug or Tikki. But watching Adrien as he tried not to fall over in exhaustion, he decided not to push tonight.</p><p>Instead, Adrien quickly packed up his stuff, throwing his coat over her shoulder and called for Plagg to hide in the briefcase. After everything was secure and he double checked he had everything, he walked out of the office, entering the empty elevator and sighed heavily, trying not to fall asleep.</p><p>His brain reminded him he was about to go see Marinette, his lady, and the idea made him smile and give him something to look forward to besides crashing in his bed tonight. Her face smiling up at him was what gave him the energy to walk out of the building and to his car so he could go see her.</p><p>He just didn’t know what he was going to be walking into.</p><p>.             .             .</p><p>“You had a mask to,” Marinette said, before turning on her heel and walking away from the opposing party, leaving behind a stunned looking Alya, an unnerved Mlle. Abreo, and a seething Lila.</p><p>Mlle. Abreo, who is apparently Marinette’s boss, sighed and turned back to the two brunettes, eyeing them carefully and tapping her foot in anticipation.</p><p>“I told you two to leave, and since Marinette is gone, I suggest you do so,” she said, raising an eyebrow in challenge, daring them to test her.</p><p>Lila growled and glanced behind the old hag, hearing a back door opening somewhere behind a bunch of clothes and a small rush of air. She heard a loud sob from there and she tried to hide her smirk as she felt the pleasure of ridding Marinette Dupain-Cheng to tears. It’s been years since she’s done it, but no doubt their little fit in the courtyard five years ago has caused her a lot of pain throughout the years.</p><p>She completely lost all her friends after she slapped her, she lost Alya and Nino, her closest friends since forever because of some little secret Alya won’t spill, and most of all, Adrien left. Of course, Adrien leaving was not ideal, but she understood because he was grieving or whatever, and she couldn’t do much to stop it all. Although, she knew the impact it would have on Marinette, considering how pathetically in love she was with him.</p><p>Lila, long ago, has lost her crush on Adrien, which was easier to get over since she basically found his carbon copy years ago, who was colder and darker like her. Having Adrien’s pretty face and body was just an added bonus. So, Adrien moving away and Marinette losing him, was all she could ask for, and considering how different she seemed, how her aura was all dark, the plan was working out <em>perfectly. </em></p><p>Alya grabbed Lila’s arm and gave her a harsh look, “Let’s go,” she said, before tugging the brunette out of the boutique.</p><p>“Ow, jeez!” Lila hissed, yanking her arm free from the steaming girl next to her. “Careful with my skin, it’s fragile.”</p><p>Alya’s face softened and she looked down at the crosswalk, “Right, sorry your skin disease, I should’ve remembered,” she gave her an apologetic look. “I’m sorry.”</p><p>Lila pretended to inspect her arm, and she hummed deeply before turning back to her friend with a forgiving gaze. “It’s all good, I’m just glad I didn’t start bleeding this time.”</p><p>Alya nodded, her face relaxing as she realized she was forgiving her. “Right, sorry again,” she said, and they walked in silence for a few seconds before she interjected again. “So, I thought you said Marinette wasn’t working today?”</p><p>Lila snorted and looked around the street they were walking down, the people of Paris laughing and enjoying the sun like they were showering in it. “As if you care. Remember what you did last time you went there?”</p><p>“I didn’t know she was working there at the time,” Alya grumbled, shaking her head and not looking at the other brunette. “And I was just… fired up because she—I don’t know, she was just there and it triggered a lot of past drama and I—” she stopped, taking a deep breath to calm herself. “I’m honestly over what happened to us years ago… but while I was talking to her she suddenly shut down and she wasn’t…”</p><p>Lila listened carefully as Alya trailed off, her voice becoming pained as the past events came rushing back. Lila felt no sympathy, but she did understand that Alya was hurting and therefore she needed to pretend like she cared.</p><p>“Like what?” she prodded, keeping her voice to a manageable level that portrayed sympathy.</p><p>“It’s just not like her,” Alya continued, her voice coming out hot and frustrated. “She doesn’t stand back when someone is telling her off for something she did wrong. She’s really good at taking criticism, and she may be prideful and whatnot, but she isn’t one to back down on a fight that—”</p><p>“Unless she believes she already lost,” Lila finished, glancing over to see Alya’s reaction.</p><p>Alya paused at that, looking down as a cloud seemed to cover her eyes, like she was coming to a shameful truth.</p><p>“Maybe I should…” she stopped and turned back to look at the boutique they left behind, her eyes filled with concern and a decision.  </p><p>Lila grabbed her arm and met her eyes again, “You really think that old lady would let us back in there? After all we said to Marinette?”</p><p>Alya looked back at Lila, “You mean all <em>you </em>said to Marinette.”</p><p>“I was merely adding fire to the coals you already created when you broke it off years ago,” she said, making her voice calming. “I was saying the things you couldn’t say out loud, because you’re really sweet like that.” She touched Alya’s shoulder and smiled warmly at her, “Marinette is a bully, liar and a toxic person. You deserve better than her, because you’re a really good friend when everyone around you is terrible. You know that right?”</p><p>Alya eyed her, her eyes creating an emotion that Lila couldn’t read, but she thought not much of it as Alya relaxed in front of her, sighing deeply.</p><p>“You’re right,” she said, before glancing back at the boutique, almost blissfully but Lila couldn’t tell. “Good people deserve the best.”</p><p>Lila patted her shoulder, “Good!” she said, beginning to walk down the street again, Alya close behind. “So, I’m curious, where did that whole ‘mask’ metaphor come from? It sounded… oddly familiar.” Lila said, looked over as Alya’s eyes widened in recognition.</p><p>“Oh, that, that’s just something we… we came up with years ago, it’s nothing important.” She said, giving her a small smile, obviously lying because her face said she was not ready for the sudden change in topic.</p><p>“Oh, really?” Lila said, smirking internally as she raised her hopes higher. “Would you say you came up with it right around when Ladybug showed up?”</p><p>Alya eyed her suspiciously, but Lila always had the most perfect poker face, her emotions just showing general curiosity, which is what she needed. Alya relaxed since she saw the “general curiosity” look on Lila’s face and she looked down.</p><p>“I guess, but that was also when we first met, right when Ladybug showed up,” Alya smiled fondly at the memory. “Ladybug actually saved my life during the very first akuma attack, and… I’m forever grateful for it.”</p><p>“You sound like you know her,” Lila said, already feeling her heart pounding in her chest.</p><p>Alya smiled wistfully, “Yeah,” she said quietly.</p><p>Lila smirked, a wave of satisfaction washing over her as she continued walking down the sidewalk, Alya completely oblivious to the realization she has finally come to.</p><p>After years of waiting, searching and looking, <em>she found her. </em></p><p>.             .             .</p><p>As soon as Lila was alone in her room, she dropped her purse on the floor and pulled out her phone, flipping through it a few times before she finally came to her contacts. She scrolled for a while until she came to the “M” section and she clicked on the contact she’d been looking for. She immediately pressed the call button and she waited, listening to the phone ringing on the other end.</p><p>She was getting anxious when the fourth ring cut short and a shuffling was heard from the other side of the phone.</p><p>“This better be good.”</p><p>Lila sneered, “Well aren’t you just a little ray of sunshine.”</p><p>“Lila, I do not have time to be listening to any more plans you may have for Ladybug and Chat Noir. So, unless you can finally find some way to find out who Ladybug’s real identity is, we cannot move forward!”</p><p>Lila waited a moment, raising her eyebrows as Mayura fell into her usual little rant that started at the beginning of each and everyone of their phone calls. She was used to it by now, considering the numerous phone calls she has made to her about ideas to draw Chat Noir and Ladybug out, to try and track down those two annoying superheroes. There was no stopping the rants, curse words, and annoyed scoffs she got from the other end, so she just had to live through it until the woman calmed down.</p><p>“You done?” Lila asked, leaning on a hip as she listened to Mayura’s annoyed huffs on the other side.</p><p>“Don’t get testy with me, girl,” Mayura said, her sneer evident through the phone. “We both know I can cut you off just like—”</p><p>“I found Ladybug.”</p><p>This made Mayura pause on the other side. The silence between them was deafening, and Lila snorted at it.</p><p>“Didn’t think I could do it?” she asked, as she moved to her bed and sat down, relishing in her victory.</p><p>“You are very smart, Lila,” she said, her voice low and trembling with anticipation. “What did you find out?”</p><p>Lila snickered, “She was right under our noises all along,” she said, before she turned her eyes to the broken frame of a class photo her mom forced her to hang up. She glared darkly at the pigtailed girl in the front row, smiling like she was hiding nothing behind those eyes.</p><p>“It’s Marinette Dupain-Cheng.”</p><p>The silence from before could not compare to the one that was laid over top of their conversation now, and Lila smirked against her phone as she rendered Mayura completely speechless.</p><p>“How… how do you know?” said the villain, who sounded breathless and shaky on the other side.</p><p>“I saw her today,” she said simply, still smiling. “She said something out of line and it… clicked something for me. She said the word ‘mask’ in front of me, and I’m pretty sure I’m the only one who understood it.” She smirked, “I don’t think she understands how clever I am and how good I am at figuring things out.”</p><p>“You’re sure of this?”</p><p>Lila nodded, “I’m sure.”</p><p>There was a long pause where Mayura didn’t say anything, probably in stunned silence. Lila was patient, even though she was basically jumping out of her bones to get down to business how they were going to bring Ladybug and Chat Noir down.</p><p>“I will get back to you in a few hours,” said the voice, which threw Lila off. “Have your phone on and ready.” And with that the line went dead.</p><p>Lila glanced down at her phone before setting it down next to her, grumbling something about grumpy, frustrated women that are in love with dead supervillains. Not to mention the fact that she was bloodthirsty and would no doubt rip anyone to pieces that stood in her way.</p><p>It was only several hours later, just when the sun was behind the horizon, she was tapping her leg anxiously, avoiding doing productive things to keep her distracted. She sat there at her desk after hours of trying to avoid waiting anxiously and staring at her phone, resisting the urge to pick up and call her herself.</p><p>She pulled at leg up to her chest and swiveled around in her desk chair, the lighting of the room yellow since her lamp light was on. She stared up at the ceiling with her mind racing, her heart pounding, and just about the most impatient attitude she’s ever had. And considering this was <em>Lila, </em>that is saying something.</p><p>She was just about to leave the room to go to the living room to try and distract herself with some TV when her phone finally went off with a shrill alarm. She fumbled for it, panicking as she almost hit the deny button before she finally was able to get the phone up against her ear once she answered it.</p><p>“Hello?” she called, not bothering to be angry about how long she had to wait.</p><p>“Lila,” Mayura said, her voice sounding excited. “You were right. It’s time.”</p><p>Lila smirked, already feeling the plan starting to form in her mind, the plan that they’ve been working on perfecting for years, the one so simple, yet so fragile considering who they were up against. Lila had prepared every chink in the armor of this plan, coming up with a backup plan, and a backup plan to the backup plan. Despite how simple and easy it was to explain, it was going to be hard to pull it off.</p><p>“So,” she said, standing from her desk, her voice coming out as haunting as ever. “I guess that means I should tell <em>him</em>.”</p><p>“Yes,” Mayura said, sounding confident herself. “Tell him it’s time to start phase two.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hope you guys enjoyed! A little insight of what could be coming next...</p><p>Follow me on insta for teasers, updates, and songs I write! @being_happy_official</p><p>See you guys next time!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Damaged</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Chat finally finds out what Marinette does to herself, and he tries to stop it.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>TRIGGER WARNING: IF YOU DO NOT FEEL COMFORTABLE READING GRAPHIC DESCRIPTIONS OF SELF-HARM, PLEASE DO NOT CONTINUE. <br/>I do not describe the very action, just the aftermath of what happened. </p><p>Please read at your own risk.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chapter 14: Damaged</p><p> </p><p>Despite the crisp night air, the exhaustion on his tail about to make him pass out, and the weighted conversation he had with Nathalie, Chat Noir was excited to see Marinette. No doubt they would have a long, nice peaceful patrol filled with looking up at the stars, possibly a game of cat and mouse, and maybe even a few puns. He definitely needed to get away from the reality that was… well, reality, and just live in a fantasy land filled with her, the stars and him. Maybe seeing her would heighten his senses, maybe even make him energetic.</p><p>She always had that affect on him, ever since the day they met. There was some sort of electric buzz that popped in his ear whenever she would smile at him, a heart-wrenching smile that made his cheeks redden. Or possible, even rarer, a faint look that he almost didn’t catch when they’d sit on a rooftop and talk about nothing.</p><p>Even today, five years after not seeing her, his little lady still had that affect on him. He still was looking forward to seeing her when he got to her apartment to pick her up for patrol. Even though her smiles sometimes were a little tired, even though she was hesitant more often when talking about her feelings, even when she was scared to meet his eyes.</p><p>He still loved her, and nothing would make his love for her waiver.</p><p>Of course, it was selfish to even admit this to her, even if she already knew. That would cause a whole lot more complications he knew she didn’t want to deal with. With everything spiraling almost out of control with her, the sentimonster, the gang, even this depression she was dealing with, it was probably the last thing she wanted to deal with. His strong, powerful feelings for her, he means.</p><p>Which is why he held back, why he stuck by her side and watched her from afar, only offering her gentle touches and delicate whispers of encouragement that he knew she liked. Why he held her hand as she struggled to hold on, why he prodded her away from the crowd of annoying reporters that asked her alarming questions. Why he continued to be her rock no matter how much it hurt him to see her suffering, even when she wasn’t admitting it.</p><p>He always knew when something was bothering her, she wasn’t exactly subtle about it in the past. But these days, it was almost more obvious. He could tell by the way she avoided his eyes, smiling lightly as she constantly turned her head to the side and responded shyly to him. He knew when to hold back and give her space, and when to move in and prod her open, offering to hold her.</p><p>And it was all because he loved her, and it’s all keeping him back as he restrains himself to spill all his guts in front of her and tell her how much he truly loves her. Truly <em>needs </em>her.</p><p>But of course, he wouldn’t do that. He kept his distance, no matter how much he wanted to close the distance between them.</p><p>He finally landed on top of the roof of her apartment complex, a low sigh escaping his nose as the relieved sigh of getting there unscathed and without a problem fell on him. He was excited to see her, play around the city and watch the stars, no doubt pick up some banter along the way.</p><p>He approached the ledge of the building, finding the various small balconies below him that made for an easy way down to Marinette’s floor. She was at the third floor from the ground, so since the complex was about five stories high, he only made his way down two stories, scaring the living crap out of some dog, then finally, landing quietly on her balcony. It was small, and he carefully crawled over the railing and slipped onto the small ledge, finding a window right in front of him.</p><p>The apartment was dark, which confused him since his lady was always ready for his arrival when they had patrol. He could see a few dishes in the sink that looked shiny from the reflection of the moon coming in through the window. A light from the hallway was just barely visible on the wood floor, and he had the vague thought that maybe she was in the bathroom.</p><p>He hesitantly reached out for the window, grabbing just under it for leverage as he gentle pulled upwards. He was surprised to find them unlocked, and he made a mental note to tell her to lock her windows when he saw her next. It was dangerous to keep windows and doors unlocked in a small apartment when she lived alone, someone could just get in without her knowing.</p><p><em>Yeah, like a mangy cat for example, </em>he thought, criticizing himself as he moved it upwards some more. Once it was big enough to crawl inside, he slipped into the apartment with ease and shut the window before locking it. He turned his head to the dark apartment, easily switching to night vision as he walked around the couch, pausing as a strange sound entered his ears.</p><p>He looked towards the sink in the kitchen, and found it running, full blast against the dirty dishes and creating a small pool as the pipes below slowly got overwhelmed. He furrowed his eyebrows before moving to it and shutting it off, filling the apartment with silence.</p><p>Well, almost.</p><p>There was another stream of water going further down the hall, where the golden light was coming from. It was quieter, and almost muffled, like a door stood between him and the sound.</p><p>He tentatively walked forward, leaning to the side to catch a better glimpse down the hall, finding it pitch black, except for a slightly cracked door with yellow light pouring through.</p><p>“Marinette?” he called, feeling his heartbeat starting to quicken. His concern and worry for her only pushed him to walk further down the hall, finding bravery in his footsteps as he came to stand right in front of the door.</p><p>“Marinette,” he called again, listening carefully to any indication that she was okay. “Mari, it’s Chat.”</p><p>There was no answer, and the noise of the sink running just on the other side of the door made him swallow a slight ball of panic that began pushing on his insides.</p><p>“Are you okay?” he asked, again trying to get her to say something. He could practically feel her on the other side of the door, he just didn’t know why she wasn’t responding.</p><p>“Marinette?” He called again, already reaching out for the door. “I’m going to open the door now, okay?”</p><p>She still didn’t answer, and he swallowed nervously as he pushed the door open slowly. The light became more intense, and he had to adjust his vision pretty quickly to avoid getting blinded.</p><p>The first thing he saw was her hand, white knuckled and gripping her sink as his view widened and the door opened more. The sink ran at full blast in front of her, its steam rising up and making the mirror a little foggy. The next thing he saw was her shoulder, tensed and her back hunched as her head came into view, leaning forward with her eyes shut down at the sink. His face reddened when he came to notice she wasn’t wearing a shirt, a pink little bra wrapped around her torso with small grey shorts. Her hair was down, flowing in a beautiful dark curtain around her shoulders and in front of her face.</p><p>He would have blurted out how beautiful she was in that moment, until he saw the blood. It took him a full minute to recognize that there was blood splattered on the white sink, making him sick to his stomach as he cast his gaze to the other side of her. He immediately noticed the long, very fresh cuts on the insides of her left forearm, occasionally dripping a few drops of blood down her arm she didn’t seem to notice.</p><p>He immediately felt like he was going to be sick, like he needed to run to the nearest trash can and disperse the very little food he ate today. He stood there, his head swimming as he struggled with tearing his gaze away and staring at her arms, horrified. He felt like he was going to faint, with anger, sadness and an unbearable realization came crashing down on him.</p><p>Marinette cut herself. <em>His lady</em> cut herself and he was too stupid to <em>never see it. </em></p><p>His tongue had all ceased its wetness, becoming a dry patch on the top of his mouth, scratching as he tried to remember how to breath. His lungs felt heavy, and no amount of superhero strength could ever lift them enough so he could <em>freaking</em> <em>breath</em>.</p><p>
  <em>What do I do? What the hell do I do?</em>
</p><p>He felt like he stood there for hours in shock. Absolutely horrified by the scene.</p><p>He tentatively stepped closer, finding it in himself to swallow harshly and force his body to work, force himself near her. He could practically hear the screams in her head, an echoless void that swirled with darkness that was just <em>minutes </em>away from grabbing her. Dragging her to the darkest parts of her mind and showing her the darkest parts of her heart. An endless drowning sensation that had him diving in after her, struggling to reach her before it was too late.</p><p>“Marinette?” he called gently, putting one foot through the threshold to try and get closer to her. He glanced down at her arms, already tensing as she must’ve sensed his presence next to her. He carefully reached out to her, preparing to touch the delicate skin of her bicep with his knuckle.</p><p>“No! Don’t touch her!”</p><p>He jumped back, looking in the direction of the voice down the dark hallway. He saw a pink blur fly up to him, her arms flailing, and her face bent in terror.</p><p>“Don’t touch her,” Tikki said, her voice calmer as she glanced past him at the girl, who seemed unresponsive.</p><p>“Tikki,” Chat acknowledged, looking back at Marinette, who stood absolutely still as a statue. “What… what happened?”</p><p>Tikki’s eyes immediately welled up with tears and she looked at him with such horror in her eyes Chat knew this was going to be bad news, and new information to him.</p><p>“I couldn’t stop her,” the kwami said helplessly, her little chirpy voice becoming tear filled. “I couldn’t stop her. She—she was at work wh-when Lila and Alya came in—”</p><p>“Lila and Alya?” Chat said, furious as he glanced back at Marinette. “They did this to her?”</p><p>“No,” Tikki said, wiping some tears away. “They—well, Lila mostly, bullied Marinette and reminded her of—of past events and that usually leads to—” she hiccupped and looked at him. “She’s been having terrible blackouts and panic attacks all day…” she sobbed again, her emotions coming back full force. “And she cuts herself to gain control back, to bring herself back to reality. Because she’s always said that pain reminds her that she’s alive and in the present and—” The kwami broke into terrible sobs and looked away from him.</p><p>This was all news the Chat, and he glanced back at Marinette helplessly. She hasn’t acknowledged him yet, like she was in some sort of trance or…</p><p>“What’s a blackout?” Chat asked, looking back at the kwami.</p><p>“That’s what she calls them,” Tikki said, her voice borderline trembling. “She… she died and came back to life, so it’s like she has lived two separate lives, and anything could trigger them. From a single word to a familiar face,” she looked back at him, her eyes still swollen with sadness. “They were really bad five years ago, now they come and go, but she can never control them, she can feel them coming from a mile away, and she can suppress them long enough to get away from the scene. But…” Tikki’s eyes welled up again, “Today, she kind of relapsed. The last time she cut herself this bad was… months ago. She was doing so good and then today she just…” she shook her head, “Fell.”</p><p>Chat turned his gaze back at the girl, the one with her head still bent, her body stiff and her breathing barely noticeable.</p><p>“And I can’t touch her?”</p><p>Tikki shook her head, “Not when she’s having a blackout,” she said, her face falling even more. “We learned the hard way that if someone touches her, she could end up… hurting herself more and making it worse. That’s why I didn’t want to risk you touching her, in case it…” Tikki trailed off and looked back at Chat, “The last time it happened was years ago, and it sent her to the hospital.”</p><p>Chat shivered, his heart trembling as he gazed at her. He felt completely helpless as he stared at her, her trembling figure struggling to hold onto what she knew was reality, yet lost sight of it. Everything seemed to blur in the background as Chat stepped hesitantly closer, not daring to touch her with Tikki’s warning. But he tried to get close enough so she could sense his presence, maybe, somehow his presence could slowly bring her back.</p><p>As he stepped close enough to her to touch her, but didn’t dare, he glanced down at the sink, and noticed the little shiny object clasped between her locked fingers. The razor blade was small, but blood splattered on it indicated that is what she used to hurt herself, and he needed to get it off her.</p><p>He hesitantly lifted his arm over hers and tried to touch the razor without touching her very strong fingers. He carefully grabbed it between two fingers and tugged on it lightly, watching her reaction carefully as he continued to try and take it from her fingers. He was able to get it free without disturbing her nerves and he carefully stepped away from her and reached around the corner, placing it on the countertop of the kitchen. He quickly returned to her side and checked her over, looking for anything else that could be harming her.</p><p>He immediately noticed the bruises on her stomach through the mirror, giant swelling purple figures that burst under her skin. He didn’t know how that happened, but it hurt him even more at the thought that she had hit herself so hard she caused her own bruises.</p><p>He needed to get her out of it. He needed to pull her out. He’s done it before, when they reunited after five years of being separated. She thought she was having a hallucination, and he was able to get her out of it.</p><p><em>She wasn’t having a hallucination, </em>he reminded himself. <em>She</em> thought<em> she was having a hallucination. </em></p><p>But that still didn’t change the fact that he brought her out of her panic.</p><p>He gulped as he stepped closer, feeling his own body starting to tremble as he neared her, raising his hand carefully.</p><p>“Chat,” Tikki warned.</p><p>“I’m going to try this,” he said, stopping to look at the kwami. “I’ve brought her out before. I can do it again. If she tries anything… I’ll stop it.”</p><p>Tikki looked like she was going to protest but she stopped herself, glancing at Marinette’s suffering form, before nodding slowly at him, then backing off and making a show of not leaving her holder’s side. He respected that; he wasn’t going to leave her side either.</p><p>He returned his gaze to her again, raising his hand carefully and watching her face for her reaction. He carefully placed a knuckle on her arm and stroke her soft skin carefully.</p><p>She made a small sound that sounded between a grunt and a whimper, but she didn’t pull away or try to lash out, so he took that as an encouragement. He continued the gentle stroke of his knuckle until he pulled a trembling sigh from her, and she semi-relaxed under his touch.</p><p>He moved forward more, and wrapped his arm around her waist, carefully touching her hip. She gasped at the touch, his gloved hand against her bare skin probably was too much but it seemed to sway her a little bit, remind her that there is a physical world outside her mental world.</p><p>“Mari,” he called, stroking her skin carefully as she relaxed against his touch. “Mari, can you hear me?”</p><p>She didn’t respond, instead tightened her grip on the sink while making a terrible whimpering sound.</p><p>“No, no,” he said, reaching out and clasping his hand around hers, trying to relax her. “Please don’t resist, Mari, I’m trying to help you.”</p><p>He could feel her tensing up again, a slight knock to his chest by her shoulder indicated she was trying to push him away, but he wouldn’t let her.</p><p>“Marinette, calm down,” he soothed, which had her stilling. She carefully came away from struggled and stilled in his arms and seemed to fall into silent confusion. He hated touching her when she didn’t want it, especially if she was becoming disoriented with it. But if it came between her being uncomfortable or possibly hurting herself again, he was willing to cross the line a little bit, not too far, but just enough.</p><p>“Can you hear me?” he called, leaning closer to try and see her face, covered by a curtain of dark hair. He tried to push his anxiety down along with his helplessness, hating how she wasn’t responding.</p><p>“C’mon, My Lady,” he called gently again, giving her a small shake on her hip. “C’mon, you’ve gotta wake up.”</p><p>She inhaled sharply, before letting out a horrible sob, finally bringing her head up enough for him to see her face, but her eyes were still closed. Hair matted her forehead, her bangs plastered to her sweaty skin and her now trembling body nearly broke his heart. But it was also a sign that she must’ve felt something that time, that she must finally see that there is a line between reality and her mental state in the distance.</p><p>He was trying to reach out to her, to take her hand and pull her over the line, to try and bring her back.</p><p>She violently shook in his arms, and he tightened his grip on her waist, afraid she might end up collapsing. He stroked his thumb on her bare skin, trying to help her over the line, trying to pull her from the dark void.</p><p>He leaned in closer and pressed his forehead against her temple, closing his eyes and trying to enter her mind, trying to see past all the fog until—</p><p>He saw a hand, one that was outstretched to him. He could hear her distant screaming for him, begging him to get her out of this retched place, the place that has caused her so much pain. He could hear the waves of an ocean somewhere behind her, the water sounding tempting. They cried out her name, wanting her—<em>begging her—</em>to come to them, wanting to fill her lungs and drag her to the bottom of the ocean. A place her mind knew so well, a place he only recognized as dangerous, and a place he needed her to get away from.</p><p>He reached out to her, “Take my hand.”</p><p>He could barely see her figure through the dark fog, but it seemed to turn towards him, stilling at his voice. She didn’t move for a long moment, his hand still outstretched to her as an invitation to come with him.</p><p>“It’s okay, My Lady,” he said, trying for a careful smile. “You’re okay. Take my hand.”</p><p>She seemed to hesitate, but she waited two more seconds before taking a careful step forward. When he could see her form clearly, he tried not to be startled at her sight. Her arms were cut, her knees were bleeding, and her eyes were gone, leaving a black smoke that curled away from her face. Her face was neutral, but her eye sockets were wide, as they seemed to hold a lot of pain that screamed in his face.</p><p>“I’m damaged,” she warned, her voice shaky and her entire body trembling. “You don’t want this.”</p><p>“No,” he said, not resting his arm and not daring to approach her in case he scared her away. “I don’t want you <em>suffering.</em>”</p><p>“I already am,” she said, her voice cracking. “<em>You don’t want this.” </em></p><p>“I’m not walking away,” he said, dropping his hand and taking a careful step forward. “I’m not abandoning you,” he walked closer, watching her in case she stepped back. She didn’t. “And before you claim things you don’t know anything about,” he stopped right in front of her, staring her dead in the eyes as he said his next words. “I <em>do</em> want you.”</p><p>Marinette was quiet, the smoke in her eyes carefully steadying as she softened, looking up at him. “This island I’m on, you can’t get off it. It’s impossible.” She looked away, the smoke in her eyes returning again. “You should save yourself while you still can. I don’t want to drag you here to.”</p><p>“Then lean on me,” he said, tilting her head back to him, looking into those void eyes and trying to find her soul. “If you need me to carry you for a while, I’ll do it,” he claimed, reaching out and taking her hand. “Please, stay with me, Princess, it doesn’t have to be all you all the time. I’m here and I want to help you.”</p><p>She was silent for a long moment.</p><p>“Please,” he begged, cradling her hands in his delicately, searching her face. “Come back to me.”</p><p>Something in her face shifted at the words, and he watched as the smoke disappeared from her eyes, leaving behind tired, wet eyes that stared at him, shocked. Her lips parted, accenting her expression as her eyebrows lifting in realization, and she gripped his hands tighter, and he smiled back at her.</p><p>“Chat?”</p><p>And just like that, the world around them, or rather the world that wasn’t real, shattered.</p><p>.             .             .</p><p>Something broke in Marinette’s chest. A harsh snapping tore through her body like a ripping piece of fabric or a hurricane twisting rapidly through the flat land. She could suddenly feel all things on her body, hypersensitive to any and all touch. She could feel the way her arms stung, her right hand raw and cut open as blood flowed. She could feel her stomach swelling from the impact earlier, a harsh tremor in her chest as she felt her lungs rattling, like they didn’t want to inhale any oxygen.</p><p>The white noise that ricocheted in her ears, making her ear drums shake harshly as she tried to listen for anything other than the high pitch squeal. Her brain seemed unable to function as it tried to regain its grip on reality, the one she’s lost for several hours now.</p><p>Or was it days? Weeks? She had no concept of time, and it scared her, throwing her more into her panic as she tried looking for an exit of the void. Nothing was in front of her face, except the echoes of her screams and the darkness that shrouded her eyes, a darkness she knew all too well.</p><p>She remembered the screams, the ones that are recited back to her, reminding her of her failures and miseries. The ones that continued to haunt her over and over, whispering to her how much a disappointment she was. Some of the voices were her, her darker half breaking through slightly as it taunted her, a demon hidden in her shadows.</p><p>But the other voices were the voices of her past, an aggravated Alya with her wide eyes and shocked face as she realized the truth behind Marinette’s back. The unmoving voice of Hawkmoth—Gabriel Agreste—mocking her and threatening her that he would take away all the things she loved, all the people she cherished, and in turn destroy her world as she knew it. She could hear the strangled, panicked voices of her mother and father, finding her in a place she couldn’t recognize with blood all over her hands. She felt the ghostly touch of being touched starved for years, the loneliness creeping in and begging for the attention she needed.</p><p>She needed love. And for the longest time, she was rejected of it.</p><p>Something shifted just then, a careful presence that lingered on her skin. She could feel something gently touching her, a careful, tentative hand that had her shaking under their gentle touch. She didn’t deserve all this gentleness; she didn’t deserve anything pleasant. She deserved pain, suffering, and over all she deserved to no longer—</p><p>It shifted again, and suddenly she heard a heartbeat. It wasn’t distant, or cold, or warm. It wasn’t anything, it was just there. It came from everywhere and nowhere, and she spun in circles trying to locate the sound, the sound that was piercing the white noise that was suffocating her. She cried out for it, needing to find it and end her endless listening to the sound that could drive her insane. The numb feeling it came with so utterly tempting to give into, yet so scary to fully give herself to the void.</p><p>She realized that the heartbeat wasn’t coming from a specific spot because it was her heartbeat. She was listening to her heart pounding in her chest, responding to the panic, the need to get out of this place. Telling her to run as fast as she could until she found a safe place to hide, a safe place she can call home. It was screaming its own message, that she was alive, and her mind and heart were still fighting, even though she herself, as a human being, has ultimately given up.</p><p>She didn’t want to give up. She could feel a warmth pressing up against her side, a light pressure on her waist and a gentle, warm breeze on the side of her face. She could see the light slowly starting to break through the walls of this void, a small light beam that broke through the seams. She grabbed onto it, looking up into the blinding light after being alone in the dark for so long. She desperately held onto it, looking up into the blinding light and refusing to let go of it, knowing she was close, knowing she can feel her physical body slowly waking up.</p><p>No matter how much the light burned her eyes, how much her senses told her to look away, she didn’t, feeling the connection starting up again. A buzzing that went up her spine and triggered her to slowly, start waking up.</p><p>She was confused when she finally did, feeling her body go weightless as the light became more like a blur in her vision. Her physical body barely picked up someone wrapping their arms around her, bracing her fall, or what she assumed was a fall. She shut down, her mind now a little more awake but her body refusing to respond as she tried to make herself move. Everything hurt, her muscles aching horribly as she groaned out, feeling like she had lifted a thousand pounds, and would no doubt be wobbly like she usually is after a tough battle.</p><p>She heard something, a gentle rumbling against her back, something that stirred something within her. Despite her mind’s numb state, the terrible pain so awful it was numbing, she felt a slight warmth blossom in the pit of her stomach, the feeling she gets when she’s being held.</p><p>No. No when <em>he </em>is holding her.</p><p>This caused a small ray of hope to spiral into her, a carefully woven staircase that led to the lighter part of all this. As she carefully stepped up the staircase, each step caused something new to stir inside her. Her numbness inside her heart and mind slowly turned into a small hum of warmth, something she longed for. Another step up and she felt her physical nerves returning, the pressure around her middle were arms wrapped tightly around her. The warm breeze against her neck, the gentle caress of sensitive skin pressing against the nape of her neck. Everything about this moment was slowly turning from dark to light, and she wasn’t going to dare destroying it.</p><p>She called out to him; her longing no longer being held back as her heart cried for him. Everything in her shattered terribly, the awful, amazing heartbreak that was just enough to snap her out of it.  </p><p>She gasped loudly as her senses overwhelmed her, rushing back all at once as she forced herself to look, feel and touch. She saw the lights, and the bright white of her bathroom nearly blinding her, red blurs on the sink she couldn’t make out. She heard the sound of water running through a tap, a sound she drank in as real, this was the real world. She finally took in the careful, but tightly wrapped arms that completely enveloped her, black leather pressing up against her skin that had her shivering.</p><p>She stilled for a second, looking down and around her. His legs were spread, her tiny, petite body curled up between them while his arms wrapped around her middle. Her arms were tightly wrapped around her chest, her skin stinging from what she assumed was her own doing. She could feel the bare skin of her back pressed up again his chest, his warmth seeping beneath her aching, touch starved skin.</p><p>It only took a few seconds for her to break down, her face contorting as her sobs ripped from her chest. She tried to keel over herself, but the person behind her held her tightly, refusing to let go of her. Her heart ached in a way it hasn’t done before, not in a long time anyway. The last time she felt this hollow was the night he left.</p><p>“Mari?” his voice called to her gently, making her halt her sobs. He gently nuzzled her hair, sighing against her to try and calm her down. “Can you hear me?”</p><p>She sobbed then hiccupped, a sound that sounded so gross with her wet voice and her tight throat, but she didn’t care at the moment. He was <em>there. </em></p><p>She nodded while pressing the heel of her palm into her mouth, not really thinking about it as she slowly sank her teeth into her flesh, trying to gain control back.</p><p>His hands were so fast as he grabbed her wrist and pulled her hands away from her face, taking both her hands and hugging her tighter.</p><p>“Please, stop.”</p><p>It wasn’t a suggestion; it was an order.</p><p>She shut her eyes tightly as she tried to fight back against the lingering darkness, the one that indicated she was starting to slip back into another blackout. She didn’t want to go. She has been having them for hours, she hated them so much. She didn’t want this. She didn’t want this.</p><p>“Chat,” she whispered, because her voice could only take so much. “I-I’m slipping.”</p><p>He shushed her gently and pressed a few gentle kisses against her neck, calming her a little bit. “It’s okay, I’m right here.”</p><p>“I don’t want to go back,” she said, another sob building in her chest. “Chat, please, I don’t want to go back.”</p><p>“Fight it, Mari,” he said, holding her close to his chest. “Don’t let it take you back. You can fight it.”</p><p>“I-I can’t.”</p><p>“Yes,” he said, reaching out to her arms and untangling her limbs. “Just focus on me, okay? Focus on my voice, my touch, anything you can hold onto.”</p><p>He didn’t wait as he used his fingers to carefully tap a small, uneven rhythm on the inside of her right wrist using two fingers. She felt the gentle gesture, surprised of the sensitivity of his touch to her wrist, a sweet spot she never knew she had. She closed her eyes and felt him tap the rhythm onto her, the gentle gesture keeping her anchored.</p><p>“Is it working?” he asked quietly, his voice coming from behind her neck.</p><p>His voice soothed her, and she relaxed against him, her back falling against his chest completely as she felt herself come down after hours of being tense.</p><p>“Mari?”</p><p>“Please, keep talking to me,” she begged, her voice cracked as she focused on a single spot on the wall.</p><p>Chat paused a moment before leaning forward, nuzzling his nose right behind her ear and kissing the skin there. His loving gestures carefully calmed her, the shaking in her body was still present, but she was no longer trembling in fear, so she let him continue.</p><p>“It’s okay, I’m right here Princess,” he said, kissing behind her ear again. “I’ve got you,” he whispered, continuing to pepper gentle kisses down her neck. He rubbed a hand up her arm and down it again, his touch giving her a slight, pleasant tremor that had her curling more into him.</p><p>“Are you cold?” he asked, his concern evident as he stopped with his comforting touches to listen to her.</p><p>“A little,” she admitted, not caring with the fact that she had no shirt on.</p><p>Chat shifted before leaning back up, causing Marinette to groan loudly, not wanting to leave his comforting embrace. She only had to worry about that for a moment, because two seconds out of his embrace, he was already preparing to cradle her in his arms. He slid his arms under her knees and back, carrying her bridal style as he stood to his full height. He carefully slid out of the bathroom, being extra cautious about her head and feet sticking out. He entered the dark hallway and walked down it, heading to her room at the end of the hallway.</p><p>He didn’t bother flicking on the harsh lights of her room as he entered, going straight for her bed and leaning over it. He carefully placed her on it, grabbing the blanket at the end of the bed and wrapping it around her shoulders, covering her exposed form and giving her a little warmth.</p><p>“Don’t move,” Chat said, pointing at her before backing up slowly. Once he passed the threshold of her bedroom door, he quickly turned and walked briskly down the hallway, the sound of him entering the bathroom again echoed down the hallway.</p><p>Marinette sat perfectly still as she waited, staring at her wall with a blank, numb mind that was screaming at her. She hated how much the screams in her head made everything throb, her entire body aching from how tense she was, and now she had to deal with the waves barely on her borders.</p><p>Tikki flew in, hovering next to her chosen, but she didn’t say anything, most likely keeping a close eye on the drowning girl. Marinette was used to the concern, it used to be annoying, especially when she had something to hide, but now that they found out, she didn’t much care for it anymore.</p><p>Chat quickly returned with a white box in his hand and a wet cloth in his other, his eyes falling over her as he kneeled in front of her, setting the box next to her. He reached out and gently checked her over, delicately handling her hurt arms and inspecting her bruised stomach.</p><p>She felt like she should say something, apologize for being this much of a disappointment, for not being strong enough to resist the voices. For not being good enough, the Ladybug he believed in, for not being the Marinette he believed in. She hated how much she wanted him to know how sorry she was, how upset she was with herself, how much she <em>hated </em>herself. But even with so much to say, especially with how much was going on in her mind, she couldn’t get her tongue to move.</p><p>She watched him open the first aid kit and take out some antiseptic wipes, setting them off to the side. He then delicately took her left arm, the one with the most cuts, and carefully pressed the cloth to her skin. It was wet and warm, most likely he had drenched it in hot water so sooth her skin. It was the right move, she relaxed against the warmth and sighed with a shaky breath.</p><p>She watched him as he carefully tended to her wounds, the ones she inflicted on herself. The wet cloth quickly gained small blood stains on it, the blood slowing down as he cleaned her up. He was very careful with his touch, not adding too much pressure and making sure the warm cloth wasn’t too hot for her injured skin.</p><p>She was overcome with an overwhelming feeling of compassion for her partner, a fondness that she reserved only for him. In the past when she drew her own blood, she would just wash some cold water over them before tossing on a long-sleeved shirt. Chat, on the other hand, was taking his time in taking care of her. His dabs with the warm cloth were gentle, and she yearned for more of his touch, maybe if she can convince him to stay, he could help her fall asleep, if it’s possible.</p><p>She swallowed thickly, before parting her lips, wanting to hear his voice but too afraid to ask. She took a shaky, deep breath and gathered her courage before readying her voice.</p><p>“Chat—”</p><p>“Why do you hurt yourself?” he said, looking back up at her just as a tear fell down his cheek.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>That was a lot. Hope you guys are staying safe out there and hope you guys are alright. Please, if you ever need someone to talk to, my DMs are always open. I've been told I'm a great listener, and I love all of you guys so much. </p><p>Insta: @being_happy_official</p><p>Stay safe my lovelies &lt;3<br/>Jam Jam, this entire story, is dedicated to you. &lt;3</p><p>~Happt</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Caving</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Some talking, some arguing, and maybe a little bit of longing.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Warning: There are references to self harm in this chapter. Please be warned.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chapter 15: Caving</p><p> </p><p>A thousand things went through her head then, one of them being the terrible, depressed look in his green tinted eyes. Chat Noir was no doubt the strangest human being she’s ever met. He seemed to have an endless supply of humor, pulling puns from who knows where, and also having a way with poetry. Even when she wasn’t swayed with it back then before all this happened, there was no doubt any other girl would swoon at the chance of him flirting with them.</p><p>There was no competition with him though, considering she was not attracted to him at the time. But even back then, Chat Noir was always a sweet talker, always knowing what to say. She could list a thousand times back to the very beginning where Chat Noir pulled her from her darkest moments. Her lingering self-doubt and her destructive way of thinking, he just knew. He knew how to calm her fears, he knew what to say, and he knew how to calm her down even when she was crumbling before him.  </p><p>Which is why Chat Noir is so precious to her. No matter what he meant to her then and what he means to her now, which are completely different emotions, she has never doubted she would need him. Which is why it scared her shitless whenever he would take a hit for her, whenever he would take a shot for her, or worse, he would leave her behind in a saddened fit, thinking he failed her.</p><p>He’s done that more than once.</p><p>But he always comes back, even if it took a prompting from a new robot friend, or five years of whatever he was dealing with personally, he always came back.</p><p>Which leads her to the problem she was currently facing, the problem being the truth. And the problem about the truth was that she didn’t know what the truth was. She felt like it was staring at her in the face while she looked straight through it, a constant reminder that she was always missing something. This time, for real, she couldn’t tell if she was just being ignorant to whatever problem this was, or if she was just straight up denying she <em>has </em>a problem.</p><p>She honestly couldn’t tell at this point, which is why she hesitated and looked down shamefully at her lap, her mind over running with different scenarios, and images. The images that had attacked her before, the images that were attacking her now, giving her a rising feeling of panic.</p><p>She tried to swallow it down, remember that she was alive and with Chat, not in a dark place where—</p><p>
  <em>A dark place, a very dark place full of screams of the dead and crying of the living. </em>
</p><p>She squeezed her eyes together, unwillingly forcing more tears down her cheeks as she gasped at the hot air, a feeling so suffocating she felt as if she were drowning. The waves rushed at her ankles, and the past called out to her, the past that had been filled with light and easiness, where she was happy and wanting sunlight in her life. Then all of a sudden, the past turned to dark stormy clouds, as the blade was shoved through her reality, something slamming against her stomach as she felt the first tug of the dark ocean.</p><p>She’s lost count how many blackouts she’s had today, and she wasn’t too keen on having another one. She’s forgotten how bad they can get, after avoiding familiar places and walking around old patrol spots, she has found a way to avoid them, but that doesn’t mean they can’t catch up.</p><p>When Alya and Lila walked into the store, she knew she was screwed. After seeing the face of her late best friend and the sneer of her former bully at Dupont, she could already hear the waves reacting to the storm those two would make. Just Lila’s face made her on edge, feeling her ankles slowly get caught in the dark ocean waves that rolled up on her little island. Alya’s familiar face and her trepidation to Lila’s evil words were a reminder of that last day at Dupont, the last day she felt safe anyway. The rain had poured, the lightning struck, and just the day before she came back to life.</p><p>This caused a whole different wave of memories that cascaded like a raging sea through her mind, from lighthearted memories to some of her darkest moments. She remembers her first day of being a superheroine, the day they defeated Hawkmoth, the look on Chat’s face as she found out he was leaving. All different kinds of memories flooded in, overwhelming her, chasing her into the darkest void in her mind and reeling her into panic.</p><p>During her blackouts, she doesn’t remember hurting herself, only the need to remind herself she was still on earth. She was still alive, she was still physical, the images in her head were not real to her, they lived in the past and to give herself over to that part of her mind it dangerous. The self-harm came naturally, and if she had a choice, she wouldn’t want to hurt herself, it was just the only option. Being the person she is and being left by everyone she’s ever loved besides her parents, she only had herself and Tikki. Tikki was amazing, but she didn’t stop the blackouts.</p><p>To ground herself, she knew she had to have some kind of physical reaction from her. That’s why she uses razors, knives, and sometimes aluminum foil cans to stop the blackouts. The physical pain doesn’t always work, which is scary. She has to hope it works and fight her own mind with everything she’s got in order to regain control back.</p><p>When it doesn’t work, she learns to stop herself from cutting, forcing herself to endure it until it was over. She learned the hard way that if it’s not working, she just needs to live through it until it’s over, otherwise something worse could happen. The first time it wasn’t working was when she was eighteen, at the bakery, on her bedroom floor, right after everyone she knew left her. She continuously cut herself with a razor until she passed out from her exhausted brain and blood lose. This earned her a trip to the hospital, a full two weeks in a mental estate, and months of therapy until everyone believed she was fine enough to trust alone again.</p><p>That’s when she shut down completely, realizing she had to keep things under control enough so no one noticed them. This threw her into a stumbling depression, from being left by all her friends, her partner, and the former love of her life moving away with a broken family. She was lonely, and considering she still had more than most people had, she didn’t complain, instead deciding to endure it and get through life until her time came.</p><p>Ultimately, she pushed everyone away in order to protect herself against the blackouts, now, she was pushing everyone away to protect them from her brokenness.</p><p>Which is why it was so hard to look into Chat Noir’s pleading eyes. His gentle eyes and his gentle hands, holding her left arm delicately while pausing his cleaning. He was <em>cleaning </em>her wounds for her, the wounds she inflicted on herself. It was such an intimate thing to do that it suited his character perfectly, and it just made her want him to continue, to not ask questions before leaving and forgetting this ever happened. She wanted nothing more than to remember his gentleness, and not the disgusted look he would give her after he found out the real reason, she harmed herself.</p><p>“Marinette?” he called, tilting his head enough to look at her lidded eyes, still staring down at her lap. She refused to meet his eyes, not when she was this vulnerable with him and this cut up and raw. He deserved better than to be used as a walking cane, constantly leaning on him until he eventually broke under her weight.</p><p>“Hey,” he said gently, reaching up with his hand and tilting her head back up, forcing her to look into his eyes. “I need you to talk to me, okay? What happened?”</p><p>Her throat felt like it was filled with sand, her tongue like sandpaper and her thirst growing. She licked her lips and tried to swallow but was surprised when she felt a sob trying to build in her chest. She held back her tears as she hesitantly opened her mouth, speaking to him.</p><p>“Water,” she whispered, sounding like an exhausted, dehydrated man in the desert.</p><p>“Water,” he said, nodding before looking to the side at Tikki, a question forming on his tongue.</p><p>“I’ll watch her,” she said, gesturing for Chat to go.</p><p>He quickly got up from where he was at and walked briskly to the kitchen down the hall. Marinette could hear him rustling through cabinets, opening cupboards until she heard the soft noise of her sink running. She then heard it switch off and then a small squeak and a stumble, like he had tripped over something. He returned a second later holding a glass of water in his hand, before handing it to her outstretched arms.</p><p>She inhaled the glass of water, gasping as she came up from air and the satisfying unclenching of her throat and the sob slowly disappearing. She felt a little better now that she had something in her stomach, even if it was just water.</p><p>Chat sat next to her on the bed, taking the empty glass from her trembling hands and setting it on the nightstand. He leaned back and studied her carefully, his eyes gentle and glowing in the darkness as moonlight poured through the blinds of her window.</p><p>“Feeling better?” he asked, hesitation in his voice.</p><p>She took a minute to process the question, debating what exactly he was asking her. Or more specifically, which part of her he was asking, like he was double checking if she was either mentally or physically okay.</p><p>Both parts of her seemed on edge at this point, but she found herself nodding anyway.</p><p>Chat drew out a long sigh next to her as she moved to cover her face with her hands, leaning forward onto her knees. They sat in silence for a long time as Marinette mentally prepared herself for the talk she was bound to have with Chat. She could practically feel his heat rising, an anger she knew was directed towards her. He was angry with her, and what was even worse is that she didn’t blame him. She was angry with herself to.</p><p>She broke down after that, quiet sobs filling the room as her little companion came to rest on her shoulder, nuzzling against her neck as she cried. She couldn’t tell which part of her hurt more, her arms, stomach, or heart. Each one of them presented a different kind of pain, one that was causing her to drown even more and question everything that was wrong with her. Her left arm stung, along with her right palm, the open air making it even more tender than it already was. Her stomach ached, sore from pounding it with a rock earlier and the bruises added a new wave of pain to it. But her heart, was screaming. Just like her mind did sometimes, her heart cried out of her chest, begging for some kind of release, some kind of relief she could feel other than the throbbing heartbreak she felt every day.</p><p>She was just so tired of feeling the same heartache every day. She wanted relief, but she didn’t know where or how to ask for it. Maybe if she could somehow find a way to subtly tell someone that she may need a little help, maybe they’d be generous enough offer her a place to go, somewhere to feel safe, someone’s arms to—</p><p>“Can we talk about this?” Chat suddenly said in the dark, his gaze flickering towards her.</p><p>She hesitantly sat back up, meeting his eyes shyly as she attempted to cross her arms at her stomach, but he reached out to her and took her hands, carefully laying her left arm across his lap.</p><p>“Careful,” he said, reaching for the first aid kit again. “You could reopen them.”</p><p>She said nothing as he continued to clean the rest of the blood away, using antiseptic wipes and Neosporin. He carefully dabbed a few globs of Neosporin on her cuts before getting out some gauze and wrap. He taped down the gauze on her cuts before using the wrap to hold them completely in place and not risk them getting caught on something.</p><p>When he was finished, he went to put the first aid stuff back in the little box when she held out her right hand to him, showing him the other wound. He glanced at it at first before looking back up at her, meeting her eyes and understanding the silent pleading coming from the look she was giving him now.</p><p>He reached out and touched her chin, caressing her jaw lovingly before reaching for her right hand, then dressing that wound as well.</p><p>It felt really good to be taken care of, even if it was a little embarrassing and pathetic that he was taking care of the wounds and cuts she inflicted on herself. But she pushed aside those thoughts as Chat carefully finished wrapping her hand and gently holding her fingers in his.</p><p>He looked lost in thought as she stared at him, wondering what he was going to do next. Was he going to try and find more wounds to cover up, try and pry her open and look at her darkest secrets? Or worse, was he simply going to ask her, gently prod out her answers and she wasn’t going to be able to resist against him?</p><p>She didn’t know which one she was wishing for. Both seemed equally terrifying.</p><p>“I don’t understand, Mari,” she said, the nickname shocking her a little bit back to reality. She looked up at him just as he looked down at his hands, shaking his head in confusion as he worked the gears in his brain. “I’m upset, sad and absolutely <em>terrified </em>of what I saw you doing… and the fact that I’ve never noticed this before is making me wonder, but also scared to know… how long has this been going on?”</p><p>She closed her eyes in an attempt to find a way to answer this without looking like a pathetic, needy girl that missed her friends. She hated the way how she was so depressed and lonely even after five years of them leaving, but as they suddenly showed up in her life again, it scared her. She didn’t like the idea of falling in and out of blackouts and panic attacks, since the one she was just having could have been… fatal if Chat hadn’t shown up.</p><p>“Five years,” she said, her voice cracked as she found herself telling the truth. She avoided his gaze and decided to focus on the small little red companion that was nuzzling her neck.</p><p>“Five years,” Chat said, his voice coming out just as broken as hers. “And… no one knows?”</p><p>She shook her head slowly, lacing her trembling hands in her lap and dropping her head shamefully. “No one knows.”</p><p>Chat was silent for a long moment, his silence coming down to his heavy breathing, no doubt having trouble taking this in. She could practically hear the rejection coming a mile away, one she knew she wasn’t going to be able to walk away from. She didn’t want to lose her partner, but if he wanted nothing to do with her anymore after this, she understood.</p><p>She’s just about had enough of herself as well.</p><p>“My parents kinda know,” she said, words spilling from her mouth all of a sudden. “They were the ones that found me one day after bleeding all over the floor.”</p><p>Chat’s intake of breath was subtle, but there. “And… this was the time you were sent to the hospital?”</p><p>She turned towards him at that, confused. “I never told you that.”</p><p>He wouldn’t meet her eyes, “Tikki told me.”</p><p>“Oh.”</p><p>Silence.</p><p>“I can’t be touched when I’m having a blackout,” she blurted, surprised by her numbness to the situation. “I could end up hurting myself more or hurting the person trying to stop me. I made it a point to my parents that when they see me having a blackout, they aren’t allowed to touch me.” She stopped, looking down at her lap as she felt her throat tighten up again. “But… you touched me, and… somehow brought me out of it.”</p><p>“You still tried to hurt yourself,” he said, fiddling with his fingers. “I was just able to stop you.”</p><p>She decided not to respond to this, instead dropping her head again and closing her eyes. She couldn’t feel anymore panic trying to sweep her off her feet or drag her into an ocean of anxiety. She relaxed when she felt her chest untense itself, telling her that her panic was finally over, for now. After several hours of suffering under the mercy of her own mind, she could honestly lean back and pass out on her pillow now.</p><p>“Thanks,” she said, to shy to look at him.</p><p>There was a long moment of silence between them, one in which she hated so much she almost penetrated it herself. But as she felt her anxiety creep in, the one that whispered of the terrible things Chat would say to her once she spilled the truth, she held her tongue. Anything she could say would be used as a weapon against her, and she hated how much she had to hold her tongue around him. She wished for the older days, the days where everything was simpler and everything was easier in the end, even her relationship with Chat. She wasn’t attracted to him back then, and now that she’s a broken mess and actually wants him now but knows she can’t be with him… this was so complicated.</p><p>But she guessed, when you’re suffering on the inside and not telling anybody, and then the person you love finds out about it, it can get pretty complicated.</p><p>Especially when that person happens to act like he cares about you… but you’re not convinced.</p><p>“Why?”</p><p>The question was so quiet, so subtle, that she barely caught it. But the question had passed her ears, and she closed her eyes and buried her face in her hands again, resisting the urge to start crying.</p><p>She didn’t want to face this. She didn’t want to face her demons like this, especially with him in the room. The one person that she was allowing herself to love from afar, the only person she’s allowing to see her just a little bit vulnerable. Because he was her partner, he was the person she could truly trust with her life… but with her feelings? Emotions? The fears that were tearing her down from the inside?</p><p>It’s not like she didn’t trust him, she just didn’t trust herself, or putting her sensitive, fragile heart out there for it only to get crushed.</p><p>“Marinette.” There’s his voice again, his gentle, pleading voice that made her want to look at him. He sounded so sweet, gentle and delicate, like he would take her in his arms and hold her until all her fears were driven away.</p><p>“Can you look at me?” he asked, scooting closer to her and resting a delicate hand on her thigh. “Mari… I want you to look at me, okay? Can you do that?”</p><p>She had to gather the courage, but she eventually looked up at him and removed her hands from her face, trying desperately to hold back the tears that threatened to fall.</p><p>His eyes were shining, and his face was bent in concern as he watched her, before he reached out to her again and wiped away a tear that had ended up falling anyway.</p><p>“You know you can talk to me, right?” he asked, and when she nodded, he continued. “Remember a while ago, when I told you that unless I think you’re in danger, I’m not going to push you?” She nodded again. “Well, I think you’re in danger now, Mari, and… and I hate to push you, but I’m gonna have to.” He softened when she sobbed and looked down, pulling from his touch and resting the side of her face in her hand, starting to cry again.</p><p>“I don’t w-want to,” she admitted, shaking her head as the panic slowly started sinking in again, dread filling her chest as the difficulty to breath tripled. “Chat, I c-can feel it c-coming,” she struggled to get out, her chest spasming. “If I talk about it, I’m g-gonna blackout again.”</p><p>“No, you’re not,” Chat said, scooting impossibly closer and taking her uninjured hand, stroking her knuckles. “Mari, you just need to talk to me, okay? You don’t need to tell me about the past or what led to what, just… just tell me why you do it, please.” He watched her for a minute, crying next to him as her heart broke. “I’m trying to help you, Mari. Something’s wrong and—”</p><p>“Nothing’s wrong with me!” she cried, standing up and giving him a furious look as she pointed at him. “The only thing wrong right now is you trying to pressure me into telling you something that is <em>private!” </em></p><p>“It stops being private when you do something like what you were doing a few minutes ago!” Chat cried just as loud as her, standing up to match her. He flailed his arms around frantically as he continued, “I’m not just going say ‘fine’ and just pretend like you’re okay! I’m not stupid, Mari! I see the signs and I’m going to act upon them! I’m not gonna—” He stopped, choking as his eyes filled with tears, ready to spill over.</p><p>“I don’t <em>want help </em>Chat!” she yelled, pointing at him. “I just want everything to not be complicated anymore! I don’t want you knowing about this—” she gestured at her arms, “And I don’t want you worrying about me! I’m sick of everyone asking me if I’m okay and prying me open until everything spills out. I’m not a freaking book you can read, Chat! I’m a person that doesn’t want to be bothered about this anymore! So, take your tail and leave!”</p><p>“I’m not leaving you when you’re like this!” he shouted back, his voice just as powerful as hers. “I just caught you cutting your freaking arm up and you think I’m gonna leave you alone after that?” He shook his head as the tears threatened to spill over, “Don’t even go down that road, I would never leave someone when they are being threatened.”</p><p>“I’m threatening myself?!” she asked, already feeling the tears running down her face. “I’ve got this under control! I know how to stop! The cutting is so I can bring myself out of a blackout, so I can ground myself to earth again—” </p><p>“And was that working before?” Chat interjecting, surprising her.</p><p>She faltered, “No—”</p><p>“Exactly!” he cried, reaching out and grabbing her shoulders. “You’re sick, Marinette. I’m trying to help you.”</p><p>“Why?” she asked, shoving his arms away. “Because you feel bad for me? Because I’m another damsel in distress you can save to play hero?” She shook her head and started walking away, stopping outside her threshold. “I’m not a child, Chat Noir, I’m Ladybug. And I don’t want your pity.” She started walking down the hallway, towards the dark kitchen, feeling her nerves being lit on fire as she heard him follow her.</p><p>“I don’t pity you,” he said, making her stop with her back towards him. “I’m just…” he trailed off, the sound of him taking a deep breath filling the awkward tension between them. “I’m terrified for you, My Lady.”</p><p>More tears fell down her face at the nickname and she turned around to face him, watching his tall figure stand in the dark in front of her as she countered his argument.</p><p>“But <em>why?</em>” she asked, stepping closer as her face contorted. “Why does it matter when I’m standing right here? I’m alive, Chat, and I’m okay. You need to trust me like you did back then, because I have this under control—”</p><p>“No,” he said firmly, “No, you don’t. You don’t know what you’re <em>doing </em>to yourself, Marinette, and it scares me to think where this could lead.”</p><p>“It’s not going to lead anywhere,” she said, shaking her head. “You have to trust me, Chat. I’ve got it.”</p><p>“No, you don’t.”</p><p>“Why don’t you trust me?” she questioned, her voice rising in frustration as tears continued to fall down her face. “Why are you so bothered by this when I promise you, I’m okay? Why is it so important to you that you claim I’m not okay when you’re not me? What do you know about me, Chat, when you were gone for <em>five years</em>?” She shook her head, her anger over coming her as she raised her voice again. “Why is it so important to you to know that I’m okay?!”</p><p>“Because I’m not just going to sit back and watch you die right in front of my eyes when this time, I can do something about it!” he all but screamed, shocking her backwards as he continued yelling. “You died in my arms years ago and I could do nothing about it back then, but this—” he gestured at her arms, wrapped up in bandages. “This I can try and prevent! So, no, Marinette,” he said, stepping forward and looking her dead in the eye, not threatening, but promising. “I am <em>not </em>going to abandon you when you’re like this, when you’re in danger. When there is something I can do about it this time, I’m not going—” he chocked up as tears started rolling down his cheeks and he looked down shyly, trying to gain the strength to speak again.</p><p>When he did look up again, he didn’t hide the pain in his face as he stared at her, continuing on with his promise. “I’m not going to watch you die when I can do something about it. I can’t do that again, I can’t just… watch you die again.” His face contorted and he buried the palms of his hands into his eyes, sobbing loudly as memories seemed to flash before his eyes. “Marinette, I can’t lose you again. I just… I just can’t.”</p><p>Marinette, however, was shocked into silence. She was numb to the tears falling down her cheeks, numb to the burning on her arm that revealed the truth, and numb to the sensation that was her loneliness. Chat was right, she is sick, she needs help, and here he was, offering it to her, and she was trying to refuse it of him. If the situation was flipped and Chat was the one in danger to himself, she no doubt would be doing everything in her power to get him to stop. It was hypocritical to think of him that way when he was just as concerned for her as she would be of him.</p><p>She watched him for a moment, caught between saying something, touching him or walking away to give him space. She hated to see him in pain, and since she was the cause of it this time, she couldn’t hate herself any less.</p><p>She swallowed thickly before stepping closer, his sobs still echoing in the small apartment. She hesitantly reached out to him, watching as he refused to look at her, his face still buried in his hands. She felt as if a thousand fireworks went off when her fingertips touched his arm, both good, colorful explosions and nervous, anxious bursts. Her stomach twisted in knots when she saw him tense at her touch, and she considered pulling away before he reached out to her.</p><p>In one swift motion, Chat had wrapped his arm around her shoulders and pulled her into him, her face burying into his shoulder. He held her so tightly it was hard to breath, and she considered telling him before he sobbed loudly, and she clamped her mouth shut.</p><p>When she finally raised her arms to hug him back, he only held her tighter in his arms as she squeezed his torso, finding relief in his embrace. The pain wasn’t gone and the anxiety, fear and tremor in her emotions were still there, all lingering and waiting for the second attack. But since Chat was in her company and whispering small encouragements to her to not give up, she took a deep breath and tossed her sad thoughts away for now. There was a moment for everything, and she had her moment to herself, the one in which she ended up hurting herself. Now, this is the time for her healing to slowly begin, and she can start by relaxing completely in Chat’s arms.</p><p>And by relaxing, she meant collapsing.</p><p>Just after she released the first painful sob from her chest she’s been holding back, her already shaking legs gave out from under her. She started crumbling to the floor, but Chat caught her easily and followed her to floor, where they both tried to get as close to the other as possible.</p><p>Sobs came nonstop from her trembling body, her heart beating hard and fast in her chest as she tried to speak but failed miserably. She wasn’t panicking, she wasn’t blacking out, she wasn’t even sad, she was just… finally caving, and letting all of it out. After months—no, <em>years </em>of holding it in and keeping it all to herself, she found it so easy to just break completely in front of Chat while he held her carefully.</p><p>She was letting her broken pieces finally fall off her broken will and crumble to the ground, watching as they shattered into little shards of glass. It was so painful holding herself together all the time, that it was suspiciously easy to let herself just fall apart.</p><p>Chat Noir was an angel the entire time she completely broke, a feeling of nostalgia coming over her that reminded her of a time a while back when she finally let him see her. Now, it was like there was no longer a wall between them, no more secrets she kept from him, and no more hidden things she hated thinking about.</p><p>She found herself grabbing at his wrists and squeezing her eyes shut, spilling tears down her cheeks. His hands held her face and his forehead pressed to hers, his face also streaked with tears. He shushed her gently, stroking her cheeks with his thumbs as she sobbed, trying to calm her down.</p><p>The touch and the feel of him so close calmed her, and she finally was able to take a deep, shaky breath. Everything in her vision was blurry when she attempted opening her eyes, and she furiously wiped away the remaining tears in her eyes, staining her cheeks more. She groaned at the aching, empty feeling in her chest, a hollow numbness she couldn’t decide was painful or relieving.</p><p>She leaned forward more and dropped her head on his shoulder, closing her eyes and feeling his arms go to her back, rubbing her soothingly. She sighed at the feeling, a sense of security falling over her as her troubled heart slowed to a peaceful pace. She whimpered as a weight fell off her shoulders, a burden she’s been carrying a long time by herself. But as she lay on the floor, still in Chat’s arms, she felt herself slowly becoming more in control. Because she was no longer carrying this burden alone, he was now carrying it with her.</p><p>She tried to ignore the worries and the fears that clouded her mind, reminding her that this was dangerous. Letting someone in could hurt her, and in the end, it could hurt them as well.</p><p>“It’s okay, Princess,” he said, pulling her closer and kissing her head. “I’ve got you.”</p><p>Now, when he said her name like that, she could only put her trust in him, and believe that for once, everything might be okay.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I promise this girl is gonna get a break soon, she just needs to keep fighting. </p><p>Also...</p><p>EVERYONE WISH JAMARI A HAPPY BIRTHDAY RIGHT NOW!!<br/>This ENTIRE work is for you my love, happy birthday&lt;3</p><p>With love,<br/>being_happy</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Save Me</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Chat and Marinette finally talk about what happened, and the possibility for help in the future.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Warning: Light descriptions of self harm</p><p>Please read end notes! Thank you!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chapter 16: Save Me</p><p> </p><p>The darkness of the apartment shrouded their hunched over figures that sat on the floor, a soft silence settling between them. Marinette felt safe and almost comforted by the haunted glow of the night, the moonlight pouring through the window behind her couch. The space between her and Chat was limited, since she was scared of being too far away from him, the inches filled with their steady breathing.</p><p>Despite the internal turmoil swirling furiously inside her head and the waves still silently splashing her toes, she felt slightly at peace. That if the waves decided to surge forward suddenly, white noise and images consuming her and leaving her to fate’s arms, she knew she would be okay. With him sitting in front of her, staring down at her milky skin with no cuts on it and tracing a finger delicately down her arm.</p><p>She had rolled up the long sleeves of the shirt Chat had brought her several minutes ago, since she felt exposed and vulnerable in just her bra. He was a gentlemen and he didn’t let his eyes linger, his expression only pained and careful as he helped her into her shirt, since it was hard to get in it with her wrapped arm and hand.</p><p>Now, his feline eyes trailed along with his finger, and she couldn’t help but watch him as he did so, his eyes dazed and tired as he kept her company. She remembered barely in the back of her mind while she broke down right here only thirty minutes ago, screaming something that sounded like his name and begging him to stay. Despite his exhaustion and his obvious sleep deprived state, he was refusing to leave, either from fear of what he was witness to, or for the simplicity of wanting to keep her company.</p><p>He wasn’t asking for an explanation or a reason why she does it. Everyone who knew about it, which is very few people, always asked her why she did it, why she hurt herself when she has so much around her. It’s not like she can just pick up the microphone off the ground and tell her story and relive it to. If she recalled the images, if she remembered the way it felt when everything was ripped from her, she wouldn’t be able to do it. She can’t answer that question, not because she doesn’t have an answer, but because she can’t say it out loud.</p><p>He wasn’t pushing her as much as she thought. She thought that this was going to be an interrogation session where she sat in a chair in a dark room with a single light above her while he pried open the boxes. The boxes she shoved all her secrets into.</p><p>No. He was tracing her arm and comforting her with his touch and his presence. The fact that his presence alone was calming and stilling the storm inside of her right now made her desperate for him not to leave. She wanted him to stay, despite the fact that she wanted her privacy, a time to reflect and fell bad about herself since he found out.</p><p>But a part of her hoped he would stop that kind of thinking. That maybe, in the end, he was the one that chased those thoughts away and calmed her demons. Her way of thinking was no doubt toxic and hurtful to herself, both physically and emotionally. But when she says that Chat is good for her, she means that he is the one that can simply calm her tornado thoughts, slow down the blood in her ears, and simply chase away her demons with nothing more than his touch.</p><p>He was so caring and gentle with her, and the idea of losing that made her want to drop back into that pit she found herself in constantly and never return. The reason why she continued to hurt herself slowly slipped from her mind, and as she stared at the gentle man in front of her, his eyes cast downwards, she realized something. She realized that maybe the cutting wasn’t really working, that maybe what she had to do to keep herself grounded was to latch onto something more real than the pain. Something that she can touch and expect a gentle touch back, something she could lean on, and they were willing to hold her weight while she struggled to walk. <em>Someone</em> stronger than her in the moment, that could help her slowly start walking down the path again, and hopefully one day, she will only need to hold <em>his </em>hand.</p><p>Maybe that’s why she finally spoke, and slowly started unraveling.</p><p>“I do it to keep me grounded,” she said, watching as Chat traced a finger up and down her right arm. The sensation was a pleasant tingling that had her shivering from the chills that went up her spine. Her legs were tucked under her while she leaned on her left arm, the cold hard wood floor making her shiver more.</p><p>“Grounded?” he questioned, looking up at her then and ceasing his ministrations.</p><p>She missed his contact immediately and faltered at the stillness. Chat caught on pretty quickly as he soon continued the small line he was drawing with his finger. She relaxed again at his gentleness and avoided his gaze as she continued.</p><p>“Grounded,” she confirmed, watching his finger. “I guess it’s a coping mechanism, for dealing with the blackouts. I’m not sure,” she said, still avoiding his gaze as he studied her.</p><p>“You know that’s not healthy, right?” he said, his voice gentle but his insinuation still hurt her. She has never been good at taking criticism about herself.</p><p>“I guess.”</p><p>“You know I’m right.”</p><p>Marinette looked back up at him then, finding the gentle look in his eyes completely enduring and hard to look away from. She studied him for a long time, finding his eyes staring into hers like some sort of challenge, like they were in the middle of some sort of staring contest.</p><p>She backed down first and returned her focus on his gentle finger, now drawing little swirls on her arm. She couldn’t help but smile as he continued staring at her while tracing her arm, and she felt an overwhelming fondness for her partner come over her.</p><p>“Maybe you are,” she said, not meeting his eyes.</p><p>He took that as an opportunity to reach over and take her right fingers carefully, avoiding her aching palm. He rubbed his thumb over her knuckles, calming her some more as he began speaking to her.</p><p>“I know I am,” he said, not letting go of her hand, holding it carefully. He suddenly looked hesitant as he looked back down at their interlaced hands, fiddling and gently playing with her fingers. “Marinette, could you… are you willing to start looking for help?”</p><p>Marinette immediately pouted, scrunching up her face at the unpleasant thought of talking about her problems to a complete stranger. “I don’t want help,” she stated simply.</p><p>“Yeah, but you might need it, okay?”</p><p>She looked up at him, knitting her eyebrows in concern as she met his worrisome eyes, the eyes that were peeling away her rotting parts and trying to find the girl underneath. She knew what it felt like to be buried, and right now, as she stared into Chat’s worried eyes, wishing to take his pain, she realized that maybe she should listen for once.</p><p>“I get not wanting help,” he said, pushing on the pads of her fingers carefully as he fiddled nervously. “Trust me, I know what lose feels like and I know what it’s like to feel like you don’t need help. That you’re under control, that you don’t need anyone to lean on.” He said all this with a slight tremor in his voice, like he was speaking from experience. “But after rejecting and wishing I wasn’t going through this crap, I finally realized that I needed help. That for once I needed to unpack my baggage and finally get over some… stuff.” He trailed off a little bit, a clouded look shadowing his face as he seemed to recall darker times, times that reminded him of something he didn’t want to think about.</p><p>That only made Marinette feel worse, staring at his depressed face as he fiddled with her fingers, constantly tapping the pads and rubbing his thumb under her knuckles. His eyes were turned down at their interlocked hands, and she couldn’t help but feel butterflies as he refused to let go of her. She let a small warmth blossom in her chest, spreading down to her toes and making her want to lean into his space. Maybe he’d be willing to hold her, hold her while she slowly starts breaking again, as the panic and blackouts overwhelm her. Maybe he’ll be just enough to hold herself together. Maybe he is all she needs.</p><p>But still, she felt guilty for even considering. She didn’t want to have to rely on him, knowing how much he knew already and how much he was dealing with outside of being Chat. Not to mention that relying on someone isn’t healthy, and the last thing she wanted to do is let this rekindling become unhealthy.</p><p>“You went through therapy?” she asked carefully, watching his reaction.</p><p>He grew a sour look on his face. “Yeah, after… after I left I had some personal stuff and… the way she put it, abandonment issues,” he paused and looked down, picking at a small spot on his suit that gleamed in the moonlight that streamed through the window. He suddenly shook his head slightly and looked back up at her with a small, sad smile. “But I’m over it, and I’m not the subject right now.”</p><p>She grew worried at his words and struggled to find the right ones to say, searching his eyes for some kind of comfort for herself, and looking for a solution. “I’m sorry,” she finally said, casting her eyes down to her lap just as he looked up at her.  </p><p>“Sorry?” he asked, watching her carefully. “My Lady, you have absolutely nothing to be sorry for. None of this or what… what happened was your fault.” He squeezed her fingers lightly, gaining a sad look in his eyes. “If anyone’s to blame it’s me.”</p><p>She looked back up at him, “You know I hate it when you blame yourself.”</p><p>“But you know I’m right,” he said.</p><p>Marinette tensed, her reflexes making her tug her hand out of his grasp and wrap her arms around herself. Not knowing what to say she just looked down, watching the floor stay unmoving underneath her where she sat. The shadows of the room were creeping in on her, and she could hear the waves splashing in the back of her mind slightly. They weren’t threatening yet, but she could feel them, and that always meant bad things were brimming at the surface, getting ready to spill over.</p><p>It was embarrassing enough that Chat had caught her, mid blackout, while she was cutting herself, and he had to force her to stop. She hated the idea of him seeing her like that; his invincible, untouchable Ladybug that is meant to be head strong and confident. She was supposed to rise to the occasion whenever a supervillain attacked, she was supposed to be ready and vigilant all the time. But instead, she was this depressed, pitiful superhero that wasn’t perfect enough to be ready for her city.</p><p>Ready for Chat Noir.</p><p>“Marinette,” he said, his ghostly hand hovering in the air like he didn’t know what to do with it. He hesitated one last time before dropping it, studying her with obvious concern. “Mari… I’m… I’m so sorry I never noticed.”</p><p>She didn’t look at him, instead, she fixated her eyes on the spot on the floor again, the darkness making her feel oddly calm, but at the same time, it was the familiar sadness. She was comfortable with the sadness and the depression, it’s all she’s ever known for five years, why would she leave that spot now?</p><p>Maybe it’s because she’s scared of being happy, being something other than the void she’s gotten to know. How did that song go? <em>Hello darkness, my old friend…</em> the fact that this song was a meme, and a curse was ironic, because it could describe the most absurd situations, to the most saddened ones. The darkness was her only friend for the longest time, a darkness she came to know and spend time with. She was comfortable here; she was safe here.</p><p>But she guessed she also had a pretty distorted definition of <em>safe</em>.</p><p>“I just… I never saw anything, I—” Chat chocked, and his strangled voice was what made her look back up at him, but he was shaking his head towards the dark corners of the apartment. “I had my suspicions and I thought… I thought I saw something the night I returned but I…” he shook his head, his eyes already brimming tears again. “I’m so sorry.”</p><p>He cast his eyes downwards again, leaving her staring at his saddened face as his shoulders tensed, a sign he was going to start crying. The idea of Chat Noir crying horrified her, since he was such a loveable kitten and he was always a ball of light, especially to her. But now that he was sitting on her floor with her, his understanding of the situation, and the <em>actual </em>situation that they both faced, must’ve terrified him.</p><p>In the end, she guessed she could relate. If Chat Noir was doing this to himself and she somehow found out about it, she would probably start crying to.</p><p>Now she had the image of Chat beating himself up just because she was hurt, and she immediately tossed it from her brain, not wanting to cry anymore than she had to tonight.</p><p>She lifted her hand and carefully reached out to him, hesitating one last time before resting her hand over his. He tensed when she did and when she was going to pull away, he flipped his hand and took her fingers gently, refusing to let go of her. She warmed at the contact, and the waves that were fighting her for control drifted backwards and back into the ocean. She could still hear them, splashing behind her, but she stood her ground and kept her eyes on him instead.</p><p>“Chat,” she said, her voice a whisper. He looked back up at her and she immediately met his eyes when he went searching for hers, even though she was still hesitant. She squeezed his hand three times, a symbolic way of saying something she didn’t even know she was saying.</p><p>She smiled lightly at him, not a happy smile, but a grateful smile, because she wanted him to know that she was grateful for him and that she no longer held anything against him. What’s past is past, and despite his unnoticed for her cutting, she was intentionally hiding it from him. Nothing is his fault, and the past and wish… well, it’s lucky she came back so she can fight the evil that’s left in the world.</p><p>She wrapped her fingers into his and he subconsciously laced his with hers, their hands fitting together perfectly. She felt grounded when he held her hand, and when he was looking at her like that.</p><p>“I’ll start looking for help,” she said, just to reassure him. It was an attempt to calm his fears, not a promise.</p><p>His smile was immediate, a tired, grateful smile that spread across his lips in the dark. His eyes glinted slightly, giving her comfort at the idea of him slowly starting to help her with the burden. Maybe in the end, it wasn’t so bad for her to just let him help her. Maybe this was her being too worried about what she could do to him that she was hurting himself to keep him “safe.”</p><p>Maybe she wasn’t willing to look for professional help, but in the moment, she was lucky she had someone who knew her so well.</p><p>“Thank you,” Chat said, still not letting go of her hand. He squeezed it again before leaning forward slightly, searching her eyes. “Promise me you’ll start taking care of yourself, okay?”</p><p>She hated the idea of lying to him more, and a promise like that seemed too big for right now. She felt stuck with the question, with an answer to satisfy and an answer that would make him worry. One of them was the truth, and one of them was not, and it physically made her sick trying to choose the right one.</p><p>She couldn’t tell him the truth, but she couldn’t tell him a lie either. So, in the end, she went with something a little easier to say, but something she hasn’t asked for in a long time.</p><p>“Will you help me?” she asked, her throat tightening as she fought the sudden sob building in her chest.</p><p>His eyes grew painful and relieved at the same time as he studied her, searching her eyes.</p><p>“Yes,” he said, watching her as her face contorted and she looked down. He reached out and took the back of her neck, pulling forward until he could place a gentle kiss to her hairline, letting it linger. He pulled away and resting the spot between his eyebrows on her forehead, listening to her strangled breathing. “You don’t even have to ask me, My Lady.”</p><p>Marinette sucked in a shaky breath, raising her head more to rest her own forehead against his, listening to his steady breathing. She opened her eyes enough to see that his eyes were closed and shut tight, like he was holding back his own emotions. He was close to her, and it physically pained her to be closer to him, a need for him to hold her closer building.</p><p>She didn’t ask though, scared of what that could mean, scared of the way his steady breathing hit her face, scared that she kept glancing down at his lips.</p><p>She grimaced at the thought of kissing him when she was in this state, all emotional and wounded by her own doing. She hated that the idea of kissing him and wanting more of his touch would end up being something toxic, something she didn’t want to happen. If they were ever going to kiss, she wanted to do it on her terms and because she wants to, not because she wants a distraction.</p><p>She subconsciously nodded when she agreed with her own thoughts. Kissing Chat Noir right here, right now, would lead to her wanting something deeper, wanting something more, wanting something heated. A distraction from this mess that was her mental state. Chat Noir deserved more than becoming a distraction for her, he deserved more than to be objectified like that.</p><p>Suddenly it was a little easier not to kiss him, but keep in mind that the only thing keeping her from kissing him in that moment, was because she valued and loved him too much to do so.</p><p>“You doing okay?” he asked, his voice quiet and gentle.</p><p>She nodded against him, smiling lightly. “I’m okay.”</p><p>Chat nodded with her when he suddenly tensed a little, before leaning back and letting loose a very wide, very long yawn. Marinette giggled at the sight, thinking he looked cute when he actually acted like a cat.</p><p>“You need to get some sleep,” she commented dumbly.</p><p>He looked back over at her and smiled lightly. “Yeah, I’m pretty tired.”</p><p>She smiled at him, “You can go home and get some sleep then, I’ll be alright.”</p><p>His smile immediately fell as his expression grew nervous. “I don’t like the idea of you being alone right now.”</p><p>Marinette faltered, her expression also hardening. “I won’t be alone, I’ll have Tikki.”</p><p>Chat pressed his lips together and watched her, straightening and loosening up his shoulders, like it was a nervous tick for him or something. “Yeah, but…” he hesitated, gaining a pained expression and a scared look behind his eyes. “Tikki can’t stop you if…” he trailed off, but she knew what he was going to stay.</p><p>She looked down for a moment, considering. There were a lot of cons to him staying; he would have to stay masked somehow, she wouldn’t have that much privacy and he would have to see her vulnerable more than she wanted him to. But as she watched the floor some more, she realized there were a lot of pros as well. She wouldn’t have to be alone, and she honestly didn’t trust herself alone either, she didn’t want to deal with the inevitable nightmares, but he would be there. Not to mention she didn’t really want him to leave, because if she did end up having another blackout, she would need him to pull her out.</p><p>One outweighed the other, and she made her decision.</p><p>“Alright,” she said, looking back up at him with hesitance in her voice. She shifted slightly before moving to stand, Chat following her and reaching out if she ended up collapsing again. She found the gesture sweet, but she quickly tossed the sentiment away when she realized something.</p><p>“What about your suit?” she asked, looking down at it.</p><p>He seemed to have forgotten that little detail as well, because his eyes grew wide with surprise as he looked down at it. They both knew he couldn’t just stay in it all night, Plagg would get tired and detransform at some inconvenient time. She smiled fondly at him before crossing her arms, watching him look up at her with a slightly desperate expression.</p><p>“I’ll just…” he trailed off, looking around like he was trying to find a solution. She couldn’t help but start giggling at his searching eyes, eager to stay with her.</p><p>“Chat,” she said, before approaching him and placing a hand on his arm. She opened her mouth to start reassuring him but before she could even start talking, he caught on and stopped her.</p><p>“No,” he said, moving to take her hand in his, running his thumb over her knuckles again. “No, I’m not leaving.” He looked up at her, his expression serious and solid, like he’s already made up his mind. “I don’t… I don’t have a good feeling about leaving you alone.”</p><p>She studied him, taken aback by his insistence. Chat Noir wasn’t known for pressuring her into things, and the fact that he was insisting on staying was saying a lot about his intentions. She didn’t feel pressured at all, in fact, she found herself wanting him to stay the night with her. She honestly didn’t want to be alone right now, and the idea of him staying tonight was very amazing. He was being very kind to her, something she didn’t think she deserved all the time, and it was making her heart burst.</p><p>“Okay,” she said quietly. “You can stay.”</p><p>He beamed at her, and the childlike happiness was enough to have her smiling as well. She didn’t know what the night had in store for her, whether it be nightmares, blackouts or the need to harm herself again, but at least he’d be there.</p><p>In that moment, she no longer felt as alone as she once believed she was.</p><p>.             .             .</p><p>Luckily, Adrien had the sense to go home and change into a t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants before he came to see her, so comfortable sleepwear. If he’d left right there from his office window, he would have not been prepared for this sudden change of plans.</p><p>He’d already texted Natalie saying he didn’t feel well tonight, so he would be skipping work tomorrow. He also took the liberty to sneak Marinette’s phone while she went to the bathroom, as Chat of course, and shot a quick text to who he assumed was her boss (since it was marked BOSS). He had just put her phone down when she walked back into the room, not suspecting a thing.</p><p>Now, he was the one in the bathroom, staring down at the hand-crafted black mask Marinette had made in just under ten minutes. It had a black string that was to go around his head to keep it in place, and would no doubt be annoying. But if it meant being near her and detransforming in front of her, then he was willing to put up with it.</p><p>“You do realize this is dangerous.” Plagg was hovering next to Adrien’s head and looking down at the mask in Adrien’s hands, holding it like it was a precious object. “What if the mask falls off while you sleep, or she decides to unmask you while you’re sleeping?”</p><p>“She wouldn’t do that,” Adrien countered, mostly in a daze as he still looked down at the mask, debating whether or not to actually put it on.</p><p>“And that brings me back to the question of what if it falls off while you’re sleeping?”</p><p>“It won’t, okay?” Adrien said, giving his companion a hard look. “If that happens it happens. I’m here and I’m not leaving.”</p><p>“And are you sure,” Plagg said, his tone still a little insinuating. “That you’re not just doing this to reveal your identity to her?”</p><p>“I’m not!” Adrien cried, bowing his head and leaning on the sink, the sink that was still covered in little droplets of blood from earlier, making him even more frustrated. “I’m not here to try and reveal my identity! I’m here because I don’t want her <em>hurting herself!” </em>He might as well be yelling, but he held back enough to whisper yell at his kwami, knowing these are not soundproof walls.</p><p>The silence that followed indicated that his kwami now knew this was a situation where he was not in the mood for bantering. He had been holding back the entire time Marinette and he were talking, softening every other second to make sure she didn’t notice how angry inside he was. He wasn’t angry with her, more at himself for seeing the signs, noticing the darkness, and doing <em>nothing</em> about it. He didn’t even try to connect the dots, he just believed her that one night when he asked her, and she <em>lied. </em></p><p>Maybe deep down he was angry with her, angry at her because she lied, angry because she pushed him away, angry because she refused to let anyone in or let herself heal.</p><p>He gripped the sink harder and tried to calm himself down. None of this was her fault. Yes, she lied, but she only lied because she doesn’t like talking about it, which is understandable, but that doesn’t mean that she shouldn’t tale about it. He hated the idea of her sitting alone in the dark, taking a razor and slitting her own wrists when he was in his high rise, five-star apartment believing that she was fine.</p><p>“Kid,” Plagg’s voice was gentler now, almost like a soft purr. “She’s outside waiting for you.”</p><p>Adrien relaxed. Plagg was never one for sentimental and emotional crap, but he always knew how to ground Adrien in a heated moment. Usually that takes a reminder of other things he needs to deal with, whether it be an email he has to respond to… or his lady waiting for him on the other side of the door.</p><p>He sighed heavily and stood straight, looking over his oldened features in the mirror. He doesn’t look at his reflection very much, but when he does, he notices how tired he looks nowadays. The bags under his eyes and the exhausted expression was due to nights worrying, from anxiety about the business to worrying about Marinette. And sometimes, they were filled with nightmares about her, something about him not being able to save her in time from a monster… or herself.</p><p>Steeling himself a little more, he looked down at the mask in his hand. He glanced at his reflection on last time before pulling the string around his head and setting the mask over his eyes. He looked at himself in the mirror and noticed the way his green irises popped from the black material. He could see himself straight through the mask, and he hoped that Marinette wouldn’t pick up on it to.</p><p>He quickly grabbed a few wipes from off the counter and cleaned up the blood, throwing away the wipes and making sure to cover them in the trash enough so they aren’t noticeable.  </p><p>He turned from the now clean sink, told Plagg to go find Tikki and cuddle or something before he reached for the door handle. He pulled the door open and waited for Plagg to fly out before he entered the dark hallway, shutting out the light of the bathroom before he pulled the door shut.</p><p>He saw the two kwamis fly out of the room down the hallway, which was Marinette’s room, just as he hesitantly turned the corner and stopped outside her threshold.</p><p>When he looked inside, he saw Marinette turn her head towards him, looking him up in down as she noticed his presence. She studied him for a long moment, before her lips slowly crept upwards in a small smile.</p><p>“Chat Noir wears sweats and a t-shirt,” she simply commented.</p><p>This broke the ice that was slowly forming between them and he smiled. “Doesn’t everyone wear sweats and a t-shirt?”</p><p>She shrugged and looked at his outfit again. “I don’t know, whenever you would cross my mind, I always imagined you in the black cat get up.”</p><p>“Oh, so you think about me,” he said, wiggling his eyebrows, attempting to break the ice further.</p><p>She laughed loudly, a sweet sound to hear considering the real reason why he was here. She gave him a half-hearted glare before reaching up and tugging on strands of hair. “Every so often, I think about you. Like, for example, the number of times you’ve run into a wall.”</p><p>“Well, I <em>was </em>looking at you during those times.”</p><p>“And falling off a roof.”</p><p>“My baton slipped!”</p><p>She giggled fondly and he chuckled along with her, taking the warmth of their conversation as a good sign to step forward. It felt strange, to be in her room detransformed, with a makeshift mask on and bare feet rather than his combat boots.</p><p>He stopped in front of her wall, a collage of pictures and ribbons hanging from thumb tacks. There were some pictures of her and her parents, others he assumed were other family members, and a lot of them were pictures of Marinette standing with a blond girl and a brunette girl. He recognized the girls from the coffee shop that day all the way back when he ran into Marinette, literally, and spilled iced coffee all over her.</p><p>He smiled fondly at the memory, but he reminded himself that he never met those girls as Chat. He turned back to Marinette and pointed at the pictures, giving her a questioning look.</p><p>“Who’re they?” he asked.</p><p>She glanced at the board before standing up and getting a closer look at the pictures. Her eyes recognized them immediately when she leaned back to tell him, still looking at the pictures.</p><p>“The blond one’s Claire, and the brunette is Chanel,” she said, smiling a little to herself. “They’ve been my best friends since I went off to college.”</p><p>He nodded in appreciation, almost daring to open his mouth and ask about Alya, Nino and that stuck up blond kid that used to be on her walls. It wasn’t weird that he knew, he’s been in her room several times as Chat Noir and he has seen some… interesting pictures of himself in some… interesting places.</p><p>But as he contemplated on asking her, the idea grew sour in his head, reminding himself that the topic of Alya and more generally the past were things to avoid.</p><p>“Claire looks like she’s funny,” he commented, glancing at her.</p><p>Marinette grinned, “Yeah, Claire and Chanel are great.” She reached up and pulled the sleeves of her shirt more down and over her wrists. She shivered slightly and wrapped her arms around herself, avoiding his gaze that was obviously studying her.</p><p>“Are you cold?” he asked carefully.</p><p>She looked at him, before nodding slightly.</p><p>He smiled warmly, “Alright, c’mere.”</p><p>Chat lead Marinette like a lost puppy over to her bed before sitting down on it, gesturing for her to follow. She sat next to him as he grabbed the blanket from behind him and wrapped it around her shoulders, shaking her playfully which had her giggling and smiling again.</p><p>“Getting tired?” he asked, watching her as her expression softened from her laughing fit.</p><p>She gained a slightly hesitant look as she glanced at the bed underneath her. She stared at it for a long moment before looking back up at him, pressing her lips together. Her eyes showed that she made a decision behind them and she was already nodding before he could ask.</p><p>“Yeah,” she sighed, pulling the blanket more around herself. “Yeah, I guess I could sleep.”</p><p>He smiled warmly at her and got up from the bed. She seemed to understand what he was doing as she already was leaning back, giggling at him. He playfully took the edge of the blanket and flung it over her head, her muffled giggles coming out and warming his chest as he chuckled with her.</p><p>He reached out again and pulled the blanket from her face, her lose hair splayed around her pillow and her eyes sparkling with warmth. Her smile was absolutely ridiculous as she covered her mouth with the fisted part of the blanket she held. She looked so adorable with her childlike smile and her rebounding energy, and her playfulness only added to his heart happily skipping at the sight.</p><p>“You’re going to be just as hard to put to bed as a two-year-old, aren’t you?” he claimed, making her giggle.</p><p>“I have no excuse except that I am a night owl,” she said, before covering her face with the blanket again, her giggles erupting from her chest again.</p><p>He rolled his eyes as he grinned, rubbing a hand gently down her arm before leaning back and settling on the floor. He sighed as he pulled his knees to his chest, watching her as she slowly became aware at his no longer closeness. She pulled the blanket from her face and immediately locked eyes with him, a curious look in her eyes.</p><p>“What are you doing?” she asked, her voice ringing out as concerned.</p><p>He glanced to the side before glancing back at her. “Sitting?”</p><p>She furrowed his eyebrows at him before sitting up more, leaning on her elbows as she looked him up and down, analyzing.</p><p>“Yeah, I get that. But why are you on the floor?” she straight up asked, making Chat’s ears got red.</p><p>“Well,” he said, his voice a little higher than usual. “There—there’s only one bed and I don’t want to be in different room than you, and—and I—”</p><p>“Are you going to sleep on the floor?” she asked, her concern for him evident.</p><p>“No,” he said, playing a little <em>too</em> dumb.</p><p>She gave him a look and he surrendered.</p><p>“Fine! Fine. Yes, I am going to sleep on the floor, mind sharing a pillow?” he asked, his jokes obviously not funny to her.</p><p>“Chat,” she said, her voice now sympathetic. “I don’t want you to sleep on the floor. It’ll be so uncomfortable.”</p><p>He waved off her concern, “I’ve slept on the floor hundreds of times.” <em>Yeah, in the midst of a mental breakdown years ago. </em>“I’m a cat, and we are nocturnal creatures! We do not need very much sleep.”</p><p>“You’re human, Chat,” she said, her voice gentler, making him soften slightly. “I know you’re just trying to be a gentleman right now, and I appreciate it, but…” she suddenly grew hesitant, looking away as her cheeks reddened. “I… I really want to sleep next to you, Chat.”</p><p>Chat’s face was going red, and he thought he might explode from either being so flustered he could turn into a volcano, or just from his heart bursting with color at the idea of doing something so intimate with his lady. He read somewhere that the most intimate thing you can do with someone is sleep next to them, trust them with their guard completely down and vulnerable. He always dreamed about sleeping next to Ladybug, and the idea that they were both (technically) unmasked made him more excited.</p><p>But it also meant that, with the look on her face, that she <em>needed </em>him to be near, that she needed him to be there at moments notice if something happens. He could tell just by the look in her face that she was silently begging him to be there, and it both warmed his heart and made him a little worried for her.</p><p>He gave her a very sad and sympathetic look, “My Lady…”</p><p>“I know it’s weird,” she said, sighing and playing with the bedsheets beside her as she avoided her gaze. “And if you don’t want to, I understand but please don’t sleep on the floor,” she looked at him finally, her eyes saddened. “The couch is fully open—I just don’t want you to sleep on the floor.”</p><p>He watched her for a moment, opening and closing his mouth as he tried to think of something to say, but his mind came up blank. As he watched her saddened expression and her eyes fall in disappointment as he refused to give an answer, it swayed him enough to finally have the audacity to do something.</p><p>He smiled at her gently before getting to his feet, her watching him curiously as he leaned over her, still smiling. “Scoot over will you? I’m… kinda huge.”</p><p>Her face immediately brightened, and she eagerly scooted over to give him room, lifting the blanket as he pulled his feet under then settled next to her, facing her on his side and she did the same.</p><p>He watched her for a moment, getting lost in her perfect blue eyes before he finally spoke. “You okay?”</p><p>She smiled lightly at him, “I am now that you’re here.” She looked down, her expression becoming slightly clouded as she thought of something he couldn’t see just yet. “You caught me… hurting myself.”</p><p>He was silent as he watched her, waiting for her to continue.</p><p>“And you… you didn’t wait or… or run,” she looked back up at him, her eyes filled with such hope that it was startling to see. Her eyes have been so clouded and sad for a long time, that it was both shocking and overjoying to see. “You stopped it. And, Chat, I’m… just, thank you.” She wouldn’t leave his eyes, her hand slowly creeping into his as her eyes suddenly became lidded, like she was sleepy.</p><p>“You saved me, Chat Noir,” she said, her voice silky as she started drifting off, her hand locking into his with a lazy embrace. “And I… I…” Whatever she was going to say was lost into the air between them, and Chat was left wondering what she was going to say.</p><p>But as she drifted off into the land of dreams, her expression softening and her muscles relaxing, he watched carefully as she became vulnerable to him. It was a beautiful sight, her sleeping right in front him, completely relaxed and trusting his presence. He drifted his already tired eyes to her arms, her palm, and just below the sheets at her stomach, where the bruises were. He felt a lurch in his stomach at the reminder, but he pushed it from his mind for now. She was here, she was alive, and she was alright for now, and that was all that mattered.</p><p>He didn’t dare touch her or move more than holding her hand, shifting his head only slightly so he could start drifting off. But as he stared into her beautiful relaxed face, her eyes unmoving under her eyelids as she had a dreamless sleep, he couldn’t help but tell her one more thing that she hoped she heard even through her unconscious state.</p><p>“It’s not too late for you,” he said, his eyes already tearing up at the idea of her being so broken that she believes she’s not worth love, or <em>his</em> love. “And you are <em>not </em>too broken for me.” He said this almost harshly, like he was trying to force it through her head, that she deserved to be loved, and cherished and completely happy. She did too much for this city and for the people she loves to believe that and have such a low opinion of herself at the same time.</p><p>She was the most beautiful soul he’s ever had the pleasure of knowing, and he couldn’t think of anything that made her unworthy of the miraculous, being the guardian, being <em>Ladybug </em>or being <em>Marinette, </em>and being loved by anyone. She was meant to be here for a reason, and he’d be damned if he was going to let anything happen to her.</p><p>“I care about you too much to give up on you,” he said gently, watching to see if she’d heard him. She didn’t, so he continued. “And I know, I’m not your cure for this,” he stalled for a second, watching her relaxed face show no sign of hearing him. “But that doesn’t mean I’m going to stop carrying you.”</p><p>She didn’t respond.</p><p>“You are not too broken for me,” he said, gentler this time as he started drifting off. “And you are not going to get yourself killed on my watch. Not again.” He closed his eyes and slowly let the dream state take him over.</p><p><em>“I love you,” </em>Were the last words that crossed his lips before his sleep deprived instincts took over, and he slept next to someone that heard everything he said, but at the same, she didn’t.</p><p>Maybe that was for the best, for now.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hope you guys enjoyed! I decided to finally add some fluff in there so satisfy your little hearts, and to give our babies a break for once, cause you know, they deserve it. </p><p>If you guys want teasers and other cool Miraculous Ladybug content, follow my Instagram! @being_happy_official <br/>Although, I am currently shadow banned for unknown reasons except for the fact that I did absolutely nothing wrong. <br/>*sigh* well, I'll just wait it out now I guess, do you guys have any suggestions how to avoid getting shadow banned? would really appreciate it. &lt;3</p><p>Jam Jam! This story is still for you my love, and know that I love you so much &lt;3</p><p>I promise our babies will get a break eventually, but for now.... well, just wait till later chapters. </p><p>Have an amazing day everyone, much love. <br/>~happt</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Mercy</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>A little bit of relief, laughs, tiny dab of angst, and of course, the poor girl gives herself some much needed mercy.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Warning: Light Reference to Self-Harm</p><p>Hope you guys enjoy this chapter! A lot of happy things to come, and a lot of fluff comfort in the next few chapter. Enjoy!</p><p>PLEASE READ END NOTES</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chapter 17: Mercy</p><p> </p><p>It was the pounding on the door that jerked the two superheroes awake. Marinette lurched forward in the middle of someone pounding hard on the front door, her vision slightly distorted from the no longer dark room. She looked around herself, hardly registering the light filtering through the room from the window above her desk. The knocking had ceased, and in her still asleep mind she thought that was just her waking up suddenly and the knocking was just in her imagination.</p><p>She was about to collapse back on her pillow when the pounding started anew, making her flinch.</p><p>“Whaa—” Chat said, groaning beside her as she remembered too many things at once.</p><p>Marinette was suddenly wide awake as she looked down at Chat, remembering last night, and what she was supposed to be doing right this very moment.</p><p>“Shit,” she said, before flipping the covers off her legs and stumbling forward, flicking the lights on as she struggled to detangle herself from the sheets that hung on to one of her ankles.</p><p>Chat jerked from the brightness and groaned again, finally sitting up and settling his exhausted eyes on her as she started kicking things out of the way from the door, keeping it from shutting it all the way. She was cursing and she silently hoped Chat wouldn’t watch her, but not to her surprise, she heard a fond chuckle from behind her.</p><p>“What are you doing?” he asked, just as she cursed again and threw the final item (a deformed sock?) out of the way and into the messy corner.</p><p>“Claire and Chanel are here,” she said, peeking around the corner. Luckily, they hadn’t tried breaking down the door yet, but she knew it was just a matter of time before she could save another door replacement.</p><p>Chat looked like he just took a dose of adrenaline as his eyes widened, “What?!”</p><p>“SHH!” she cried, about to say something more but was interrupted.</p><p>“Marinette!” she heard Claire call, and she cursed again as she heard the doorknob jiggled.</p><p>She turned back to Chat, “They can’t know you’re here.”</p><p>He grinned, “Why? You don’t want them finding a superhero in your bed?”</p><p>She gave him a hard death glare before flinching again at her name being called. It was one thing to remind herself that Chat Noir spent the night <em>in her bed</em>, but it was also another thing for her friends to find out that Chat Noir spent the night with her, in the <em>same bed. </em>She cringed at the idea of them walking into this awkward situation if she hadn’t locked her door the night before. She’d never hear the end of it.</p><p>“Marinette?!” she heard Chanel call this time, her voice a little concerned.</p><p>“Coming!” she yelled, looking back at Chat, who had an evil smirk on his face. She gave him another hard look, “Don’t even think about it, Kitty. They can’t know you’re here because then they’ll figure out that I’m <em>Ladybug!”</em> She whisper-yelled at him.</p><p>This seemed to jog his memory enough for his eyes to slowly register the situation at hand. Two of Marinette’s friends were here. Chat Noir was in her bed. Marinette is Ladybug.</p><p>Now, the two dorks were arguing in hushed voices as the pounding continued just outside her room, where her front door was about ready to launch off its hinges.</p><p>“Shut up! Shut up!” she told Chat in a hushed voice, glancing back behind her like her two door challenged friends could randomly appear there. She turned back to him, “You stay here, don’t come out until I can get them to leave.”</p><p>“And what if they come in here?” he questioned as she started walking away.</p><p>There was another insisting knock on the front door.</p><p>“I don’t know!” she cried, looking back at him with a frustrated tone. “Hide under the bed.”</p><p>Chat gave her an insulted look. “What am I to you? A cat?”</p><p>“Yes!” she said, before slamming the door shut a little too loudly and running down the hall.</p><p>She almost skidded past the door with how fast she ran down the hall, but she managed to right herself enough to approach the door with more ease, unlock it, then finally swing it open with the most innocent, completely guilty look that ever crossed Marinette Dupain-Cheng’s face.</p><p>“Hey!” she responded with way too much enthusiasm while she leaned on the door with one arm. “What’s up?”</p><p>Claire and Chanel were both staring dumbfounded at her, their phones in both of their hands and the other raised like they were about to pound on the door again. Claire’s long blond hair was up today in a high ponytail, most likely due to her not having enough time to wash it this morning because she is just as much as a night owl as Marinette. Chanel, on the other hand, had makeup and false eyelashes on and her long brown hair fell around her shoulders in curly waves, while she held a coffee cup in her hand.</p><p>“What are you doing?” Chanel was the first to ask, her eyes harshly judging her in that playful mannerism Marinette knew so well.</p><p>She searched for an answer, “Well… I <em>was </em>sleeping.”</p><p>Claire snorted next to Chanel, “Yeah, and you were supposed to be at the coffee shop an hour ago.”</p><p>Marinette inwardly cringed as she closed her eyes, remembering that every Monday since the beginning of their friendship, the three friends would all go out for coffee before their classes started. This could either be getting up at five am just to get ready, be there at a certain time and be able to get to classes on time, or sleeping in until ten am, and being there by eleven on lazy days.</p><p>This, however, was a day in which they were supposed to meet at eight, since Marinette didn’t have any classes until nine. This also gave her anxiety about the fact that she wasn’t ready, class started about ten minutes ago, and now she was going to have to try and explain to her friends that she forgot to set an alarm last night, not because of some mangy cat, but because she was, once again, forgetful.</p><p>She slouched as she figured that she was late already, and things couldn’t get much worse if she just ended up calling and making up some excuse. This was Mlle. Martin, the nicest teacher since Mlle. Bustier back in high school. That also brought her back to the two best friends, that were still standing at her threshold, waiting for an explanation.</p><p>Marinette sighed, before stepping aside. “You can come in,” she said, making a mental note not to let them go into the bathroom, or into her bedroom.</p><p>They both passed through the threshold, Chanel pausing and handing Marinette the coffee cup. “Here, we ordered you your favorite hot drink.”</p><p>Marinette smiled as she took the cup, looking at them gratefully. “Thanks.”</p><p>“So,” Claire said, as they all gathered around the island in her small little kitchen. “Did you spend all night sewing again, or was it the dumb alarm again?”</p><p>“No, wait!” Chanel said, pointing at Claire as an idea lit up in her head. “She kept hitting snooze on the alarm.”</p><p>Marinette gave them both a look as they grinned at her. “Ha Ha, very funny you two,” she said, as she took a small sip from the rich liquid, the sweet flavor going down her throat. “No, I just… I forgot to set my alarm last night.”</p><p>“Why?” Chanel asked, leaning forward expectantly.</p><p>Images of both light and dark went through her head, and she pressed her lips together and bit the inside of her cheek to suppress them back. It’s funny that, after the event in the alleyway and Chat finding her in the bathroom, she has to work twice as hard at pushing back on the images.</p><p>“Just,” she said, looking down at the coffee cup in her hand, suddenly the bittersweet taste wasn’t as appetizing as before. “Just… other things on my mind.”</p><p>Chanel glanced at Claire once, a silent conversation between them happened in a span of five seconds and Marinette didn’t even have time to ask what it was about before they decided on something. They suddenly changed the subject as they turned back to their blue-eyed friend.</p><p>“So, are you going to school or not?” Claire asked, the hint of humor in her voice allowing Marinette to relax a little bit. “You could still make it to the lecture before it finishes, make up some original Marinette excuse on why you’re late.”</p><p>Marinette hummed fondly as Claire and Chanel grinned, the familiar teasing breaking the ice between them that wasn’t supposed to be there in the first place.</p><p>“Yeah, I think I will. I’ll just make up a lame excuse like I always do. Mlle. Martin is really nice, so I should at least not get in any more trouble except for the wasted money,” she said, giggling along with her friends. “Besides, it’s not like my track record could get any worse.”</p><p>“HA!” Claire snorted, pointing at her with a look that said <em>you’re wrong. </em>“Don’t say that or else it just might!”</p><p>“That’s true,” Chanel said, breaking in. “We both know how badly it ended with me.”</p><p>Marinette snorted, “Just be grateful that a sentimonster ended up breaking through your window as your professor was calling you out.”</p><p>“Oh my God,” Chanel said, giving Marinette wide eyes. “I never thought I would be thankful for a sentimonster.”</p><p>“I’m not,” Claire said suddenly, making the two girls turn to her. She had a little bit of a saddened look on her face as she leaned over the counter again. “Sentimonsters are built on negative human emotions, and they can cause great harm to people around them.” She shook her head as she avoided their gaze, “No one should ever have to be grateful for a sentimonster.”</p><p>Marinette mentally kicked herself, her demeanor softening at her friend. Years ago, when it was days of old and easier times, back when loving her partner and fighting akumas came so easy to her, things that were doable. Claire had to deal with her dad being severely injured from an akuma and sentimonster attack. Marinette remembered the fight when Claire described it to her and Chanel; it was a very brutal, terrible fight. It had exhausted Ladybug and Chat Noir to the point where they had to take a least two breaks just to breath and feed their kwamis.</p><p>Now, with the incoming sentimonsters now happening and the rise of a new possible villain that Ladybug and Chat Noir were no closer to finding, it must’ve been scary for her that there was something out there that could hurt her loved ones again. Everyone in Paris had that fear, and Marinette sympathized, but when it came to her friends and their safety and protection, it got a little personal.</p><p>“Ladybug and Chat Noir are protecting us,” Marinette said, trying to reassure them without sounding egotistic. Although, it’s hard to do that when they didn’t know her identity, but still, she didn’t want to add to the ego that wasn’t really there. “I have confidence that they are doing everything in their power to keep us safe.”</p><p>Claire nodded, her face slightly brightening. “Yeah, it’s good to see their faces again.”</p><p>“Or masks,” Chanel said, looking at both of them for a moment before continuing. “I don’t know about you guys, but I just feel so bad for them. They’re getting all this hate from the media because they left Paris how it had originally was even before Hawkmoth was even a thing. I mean, it wasn’t their job our city started sinking the last five years, they were taking time off after a traumatic three years of fighting that bastard. It is not their job to clean up our messes!”</p><p>“I know right!” Claire said, gesturing at Chanel with wide, agreeing eyes. “And this—what is it? The Gubydal Gang? First of all, awful name,” she said, flicking her hand in a sassy way that made Marinette smile. “Second, they’re trying to serve justice when really they’re just killing people!” She shook her head, an angered look in her eyes like she was going to teach this gang a lesson, and they were going to have to listen to her terrifying statement. “Ladybug and Chat Noir never changed, and I think a bit of our old school, <em>very </em>missed heroes are what we need. Despite all the hate, they are not backing down from the fight, they’re just doing their job, and these people on the media, the Gubydal Gang—I am not calling them that—and anyone else who thinks differently, should really get their brain checked for,” she grimaced, thinking. “I don’t know, a tumor or something.”</p><p>Marinette couldn’t help but laugh. After the past few days, the overwhelming crap the media keeps throwing at her, and the traumatizing events from last night, she felt relieved. Her friends, her amazing friends that stuck by Marinette throughout all her breakdowns and her mental struggle, also stood by Ladybug, a faltering hero who really missed her partner, and was just as broken underneath. Knowing her friends supported both of her egos, only added to the relief that Chat Noir brought with him last night.</p><p>“Anyway,” Chanel said, once Marinette had been reduced to mere giggles and giving her a funny look. “I think that someone needs to talk about Ladybug and Chat Noir, like,” She grew a thoughtful look on her face, “Like more paw-sitive things.”</p><p>Marinette snorted, “You did not just pun.”</p><p>Chanel grinned, reaching over and taking Marinette’s forgotten coffee. “Oh, yes I did,” she said, before taking a sip.</p><p>Marinette scrunched up her face at her.</p><p>“I’ve got something positive to say about Chat Noir,” Claire said, raising her hand.</p><p>“Yeah?” Chanel asked, grinning at her. “What is it?”</p><p>“I just think,” she said, leaning over the counter again with a sly look on her face. “That, since we haven’t seen him in like five years…” she looked at both girls, her grin widening. “Don’t you think he’s gotten <em>really hot</em>? Like, more than he was before.”</p><p>Marinette choked on her own air.</p><p>“Oh definitely,” Chanel said, casually taking another sip of Marinette’s coffee. “If he suddenly showed up on <em>my balcony, </em>don’t think I’m not thinking dirty things.”</p><p>Marinette wasn’t choking anymore, because she was <em>dying. </em></p><p>“Say, Marinette,” Claire said, turning to the furiously blushing girl. “Wasn’t it written somewhere on the Ladyblog all those years ago that Chat Noir was caught on your balcony?”</p><p>“Wh-What?” Marinette spluttered, trying to wipe away the blush from her cheeks but it was definitely not working. “N-No? No! That was—that was different!” she cried, her voice shriller than usual.</p><p>Claire’s eyes lit up, “So it is true!”</p><p>“That’s—” she looked at her betraying friends right now, both giving her sly looks, like they thought she would do something so scandalous as to what they were thinking. “I never—” she faltered, looking at them again before finally, having the mental capacity to stand her ground. “Chat Noir and I talked only a few times! And they were all during akuma attacks!”</p><p>After that, Marinette remembered the kitty that was trapped in her room down the hallway, probably hearing every word that she was saying while her friends laughed at her. Her face reddened at the possibility that he was both hearing everything she was saying and would most likely tease her about it as soon as he got the chance.</p><p>Finally, after what felt like forever, Marinette was finally able to get her friends to leave, giving and receiving a few thankful kisses on the cheeks, and finally, they left. She shut the door behind them and turned around, leaning back against the door and closing her eyes as her head rested against the door as well. She stayed there for a minute, relishing in the embarrassment before she heard a door open down the hallway. She was vaguely aware as Chat Noir walked into the room, fully transformed, and looking at her curiously. One ear was drooped and the other one was raised, like his eyebrows as he looked at her, looking around with a confused expression.</p><p>“What just happened?” he asked, his words slightly stalled as his confusion was written into his question.</p><p>She brought her head off the door and gave him an over exaggerated look. “I just hid a giant black cat inside my bedroom, who also happens to be one half of a superhero duo, from my friends who think you’re <em>really, really</em> hot.”</p><p>The bluntness of her words came out of nowhere, shocking both parties into silence that was both humiliating, and just purely surprising. They stared at each other for a long moment, trying to decide what to do with that information, when—</p><p>Chat snorted first, pressing his lips together in an attempt to gather his shattering shield from the absurdity of the situation. Marinette soon followed, snorting loudly as well as she pressed a fist to her own mouth. Soon enough, the two dorks were sitting on the floor, overcome with laughter at the idea that they could’ve been caught if they saw Chat in the apartment, and they would have had to pretend like <em>something </em>happened.</p><p>The idea only made her laugh harder, not because it was stupid, but because he quite literally slept with her in the same bed, and the night before she had suppressed herself from doing such sinful things. It was so absurd it was laughing on the floor with said cat, and story worthy to tell the kids one day.</p><p>“Oh, dear God,” Chat said first, sighing loudly as he came down from his laughing fit. He grinned widely at her, “That was insane.”</p><p>“Yup,” she rasped out, just as she was pulling herself from the floor, Chat following her as she wiped off her clothing, like there could be dirt on it. “But I really need to start getting ready to go to the classes I’m late for.” She went to move past him, but he grabbed onto her shirt, surprising her enough that she stopped and looked at him.</p><p>“Not necessary,” he said, his face gentle and soft. “You’re not going.”</p><p>Marinette faltered, shifting her weight as she looked up at him. “What?”</p><p>“You’re not going,” he said, studying her carefully. “I already texted your teacher, Mlle. Martin was it? And you’re not going to work later tonight.”</p><p>She gave him an incredulous look as she stepped back and crossed her arms, his fingers sliding from her shirt. “You went through my phone?” she asked, her voice low.</p><p>“Yes,” he simply said, nodding at her. “Hear me out—”</p><p>“And you canceled my classes today? Why would you do that?” she asked, getting madder by the second. “You had no right to make that decision for me, Chat Noir.”</p><p>He pressed his lips together, but he didn’t look hurt, instead he sighed and glanced downwards. She curiously followed his gaze and noticed that her shirt had ridden up, and her bandages were now showing. She quickly rolled them more down and over her wrists, remembering that her friends probably saw the one on her right hand. She wasn’t even thinking, she should’ve done a better job at hiding those.</p><p>“You need a day off,” he said, meeting her gaze again once she raised her eyes to him again. “And I knew you weren’t going to take that well, so I made the decision for you.”</p><p>She grew bitter as she stepped back even further, “Yeah, you were right,” she said, her words sour towards him. “You hardly ever tell me when you’re going to make a decision for me nowadays, do you?”</p><p>The silence that followed was painful, but she refused to admit that. She watched with a lurch in her chest as Chat’s face slowly fell into understanding, his shoulders hunching in disappointment as he shied away from her. He looked like a hurt cat afraid of getting hit again, and the sight physically hurt Marinette to see, and she immediately regretted what she said.</p><p>“I’m gonna go get you some food, alright?” he said, already backing away before she could say anything. He turned and walked to the window, opening it into the cold morning air, and it sent a chill down her spine. He turned back to her just as he swung one leg outside, his eyes holding a hurt look.</p><p>“Don’t do anything stupid while I’m gone. I’ll be back in a few,” he studied her for one more moment before continuing. “I’m trusting you.” Then, he fit through the rest of the window and shut it behind him, motioning for her to lock it after him.</p><p>He was already leaving when she walked up to the window, latching it shut and watching Chat Noir’s form disappear into the morning fog that settled over the city.</p><p>Her apartment has never felt emptier before.</p><p>.             .             .</p><p>“Why’d you say that to him?” Tikki asked, carefully approaching her holder with soft eyes, like anything could make the poor girl start sobbing.</p><p>Marinette sighed heavily, her emotions overwhelming her at this point. She has felt so many different things in the last twenty-four hours that it gave her whiplash. From highs to lows, to sunsets and rainstorms, now it was crazy adrenaline to slightly angry, and then slumping over herself as she regretted her existence.</p><p>“I don’t know,” she said, her face muffled from her hands that covered her face. She sat on the edge of her bed, her feet planted on the floor and keeled over herself, like she was about to vomit from anxiety. She just might, the amount of heart ache in her chest pained her, not enough to make her slip into the past again, but enough to make her regret everything she’s ever done.</p><p>“You know he’s only trying to help you, Marinette,” Tikki said quietly, resting her tiny form on the desk beside the bed. “It was a good move on his part to suggest taking at least a day off, considering what you went through.”</p><p>“He should have asked me first,” she said, grumbling as she dropped her hands and slumped even more. “He’s always making rash decisions, and he’s not picking his battles carefully.”</p><p>“You think so?”</p><p>Marinette eyed her companion with watery eyes, tears that still haven’t fallen. “I know so.”</p><p>“And that gives you the right to bring up something you’ve already forgiven him for?”</p><p>She paused, parting her lips in slight surprise at the bluntness of it.</p><p>“I regret that I said it,” she admitted, sighing as she straightened herself, rubbing her sweaty palms on her legs. “I hurt him, and I didn’t mean to.”</p><p>“Are you sure Chat is the rash one here?” Tikki suggested gently. “You were very… blunt with him.”</p><p>“I know,” Marinette said, rubbing her face to keep herself from crying. “<em>God, </em>why am I always the one hurting him while he stands there all perfect?”</p><p>“No one’s perfect, Marinette,” Tikki said, floating closer to rest on her chosen’s shoulder. “Chat is just trying to do his best to keep you safe, and dare I say <em>alive</em> while he’s with you.” She gave her a sympathetic look and a small smile, “He cares about you, <em>a lot, </em>and the only reason why he’s being so restrictive and careful with you, is because he’s scared and he wants to help.”</p><p>“I never asked for his help,” Marinette said, but it wasn’t sour, she just didn’t understand. “Why is he going through all the trouble of helping me when I’ve already told him I don’t want help?”</p><p>Tikki smiled at her, “Do I really need to answer that question?”</p><p>She didn’t, and the scary part was that Marinette knew exactly why he hasn’t just walked away yet. Why he stuck around and why he held himself back last night, why he carefully held her like she could shatter any moment. She <em>could </em>shatter any moment, and that must’ve scared him because he lo—</p><p>“Chat isn’t giving up on you, and he isn’t leaving you,” Tikki said, rubbing her tiny paw soothingly against her neck, interrupting her thoughts. “He’s <em>really </em>good for you, Marinette. And whether that means you want to pursue a romantic relationship with him, or just wanting him to be here while you work through this, then it’s okay.” She leaned up and lightly kissed her cheek, sisterly love spreading warmth in her chest where there once was a hollow void. “He’ll support you in whatever you do, and so will I.”</p><p>Marinette smiled at her, finally coming to terms with the spiraling out of control world she was in and setting her eyes on what could possibly hold for her in the future.</p><p>“Oh, Tikki,” she said, bringing her little companion to her face and nuzzling her cheek gently. “What would I do without you?”</p><p>Tikki giggled adorably and the bubbly sound was enough for Marinette to clear away all sad feelings from her head, and her heart was busy longing for him, rather than being mad at him.</p><p>She was in the kitchen, cleaning up dishes from the day before when she heard the familiar tap on her window. She turned around from her work and saw Chat Noir kneeling just outside her fire escape, giving her a hesitant smile. She smiled sweetly back at him and put down the dishes, drying her hands with a nearby towel before walking to him.</p><p>She reached for the latch and unhooked it, before forcing the window up with a small grunt as it came up only halfway. She tried pushing up against it, but it wouldn’t budge.</p><p>“Uh,” she said dumbly, looking at Chat and giving him an apologetic look. “A little help?”</p><p>He chuckled fondly at her, “Of course, Princess.”</p><p>It warmed her heart to hear the familiar nickname, and she stepped back hesitantly as he easily forced the window up all the way. He reached behind him to grab something before carefully placing his feet through the window then sliding in through the opening, making a small squeak when he almost hit the window.</p><p>“What did you bring?” she asked, looking down at the large brown bag before seeing the familiar red symbol, and her heart jumped in her chest with excitement. “You got dumplings!”</p><p>“Yeah,” he said, reaching up and scratching the back of his neck in nervousness. “That’s still your favorite, right?”</p><p>She didn’t answer him and yanked the bag from his hands and turned around, walking to the kitchen briskly. She heard the click of the window shutting and locking, but she didn’t care as she set the bag on the island and went to look for clean plates.</p><p>“I’ll take that as a yes,” he said, before leaning over the island and watching her.</p><p>“Are you kidding?” she asked, giving him an incredulous look. “Dumplings will forever be my favorite comfort food.” She set two plates out on the counter and goes to take out two glasses from the cupboard.</p><p>“You have two plates,” he observed.</p><p>“Yeah,” she said, standing on her tip toes to reach the glasses before finally grasping one. She grabbed another one more easily when she turned back to him, setting the glasses on the counter next to the plates. “There’s two of us.”</p><p>His eyes grew in surprise, “We’re both eating?”</p><p>She froze and looked at him, “You didn’t think I was going to let you starve, right?” She reached around and dragged the bag from in front of him, peaking her curious nose inside. “There’s enough for both of us, right?”</p><p>Chat seemed to gather his composure as he cleared his throat, straightening to his full height and gesturing at the bag. “No, yeah, there’s enough food in there to feed an army,” he said, watching as she started pulling out boxes. “I just… didn’t know that army included me.”</p><p>She peaked up at him through her lashes, “You overestimated my abilities to eat this much.”</p><p>“Well—” he spluttered, his cheeks going red as he became adorably flustered. “I didn’t know how much a girl required when she needed comfort food! I almost bought more!”</p><p>“And you should’ve,” she said, smirking at him. “Then maybe we could have had leftovers.”</p><p>He scoffed and crossed his arms, “Well, I’m sorry, but I didn’t know we were both eating here.”</p><p>She gave him a softer look, “Of course we’re eating together. Here,” she said, pulling out an entire tray filled with dumplings. There were two whole trays, each fitting ten dumplings. She dumped several on a plate and grabbed one of the soy sauces pouches from inside the bag, before grabbing a fork from her drawer and then handing it all to him. “This one’s for you.”</p><p>He considered it for a moment, before meeting her eyes. Her gaze was insistent, and they both knew how stubborn she was when it came to stuff like this, so he softened a bit. He relented finally and took the plate from her as she opened her own tray of food, putting it on the plate, and beginning to eat with him.</p><p>She called Tikki into the room and fed her adorable friend the fortune cookies inside the bag the meal came with. The three of them enjoyed the food for a little bit, before Chat left the room for a moment to go detransform in the other room. A few moments later, Plagg flew into the room, and a small little wheel of camembert, that Marinette took the liberty of buying a few days ago the last time she was in the store, was waiting for him.</p><p>As if it were simpler times, Tikki, Plagg, Marinette and one mangy cat all sat around the table, eating dumplings, talking and occasionally throwing little bits of food each other’s way. The kwamis soon enough retired to Marinette’s room, while the two slightly unmasked heroes continued talking in the living room. They were both very full after their way too early lunch and were lounging on the couch, both making tired noises from their full bellies and satisfied taste buds.</p><p>“I could sit here forever,” Chat said, his hands on his stomach and staring up at the ceiling.</p><p>Marinette giggled, “Me to.” She looked over at him and he looked at her and the same time, both smiling stupidly as they relished in the fact that their stomachs were full.</p><p>She studied his face for a moment, admiring the highlighted features of it, that weren’t covered by the mask, and how it was soft, rather than defined. His glowing personality matched his features to the cellular level, his person basically bursting with color and making her feel a little lightheaded. His blond locks fell just above his eyes, her perfect, beautiful emerald green eyes. As she continued staring at him, something clicked in her mind, and he suddenly looked very familiar. The way his eyes glinted, the way his lips turned up in a gentle smile, and his hair was an all too perfect color. But all in all, the strange comparison to something she couldn’t place made her even more lightheaded, because he suddenly looked really gorgeous in that moment.</p><p>His grin suddenly intensified and that snapped her out of her daze. The daze that had her staring at Chat Noir, and thinking he was gorgeous.</p><p>“You were staring at me,” he said, dragging on the last letter, his tone teasing.</p><p>She blushed furiously, and she gave him a harsh look. “I was not!”</p><p>“You think I’m purrrty,” he said, his voice high and teasing still.</p><p>She grabbed the nearest pillow and brought it down on his face, his voice reaching a new pitch at the sudden change in scenery. She giggled as she hit him again, finding pleasure in hurting him involuntarily with a pillow that would no way harm him.</p><p>“Agh! Stop!” he cried, trying and failing to shield his face with his arms as she continued pounding him with the pillow.</p><p>He suddenly grabbed her right arm and she squeaked as he pulled her down, then buried his fingers in her sides. She writhed against his merciless hands, her voice ringing out in a high pitch as he tickled her. The pillow, long forgotten, lay useless on the floor as she put all her energy in not passing out and trying to remember how to breath.</p><p>“Pl-Please!” she cried, drowning in another fit of laughter. “Please have mercy!”</p><p>He laughed loudly before ceasing his attack, her finally being able to find a lung to suck air into as she relaxed. She giggled slightly at the lingering adrenaline, if not to laugh at the moment they just shared then to release the lingering energetic nerves. The thrill slowly left her, and she closed her eyes and let her head fall back, relishing in the feeling of calm and trusting him not to attack again.</p><p>“Comfortable?”</p><p>She peaked through one eye and looked up at him, his eyes warm and soft as he gazed down at her. Her head was against the arm rest, while her back laid across his lap and her arms laying lazily on her stomach. She twisted her head enough to nuzzle against his arm, smiling happily as her nose rubbed against his inner elbow, his bare skin warm to the touch.</p><p>“You’re warm, Kitty,” she hummed happily, smiling as his fingers found her skin.</p><p>His fingertips carefully traced soothing circles against her left hand, which tingled at his touch and sent a pleasant warmth down to her toes. She curled more up onto her side and her smile faded as she found herself suddenly ready to fall asleep again. She felt his arm that was creating little circles in her hand snake around her back as she curled more against him, bringing up her arms and tucking them between her chest and his stomach. He tugged her a little closer and she nuzzled more into him, finding safety, warmth and intimacy in their position.</p><p>It was no surprise her mind went to a bad place when she slowly let herself fall into the abyss. She wasn’t slipping into the past and she wasn’t panicking out of nowhere, but as her mind slowly played tricks on her, she watched the earlier events play out in her head again.</p><p>She remembered her words and they way they stung on her own tongue, watching them leave her mouth and into his ears. She watched him slouch and shy away from her, a hurt look in his eyes. She hated that look on him, no matter who caused it, she didn’t care, she just wanted him to feel better. But when that person is her when she hurts him, it complicates things because all she wants is to make him feel better. How can you make someone feel better when you’re the cause of their pain?</p><p>“I’m sorry,” she suddenly said, not at all regretting it. She opened her eyes and looked up at him shyly, watching as his face grew confused.</p><p>“Why are you apologizing?” he asked curiously, his tone innocent.</p><p>“Earlier,” she said, shifting her head more to see him better. She looked away while she talked though, scared his eyes might turn to something cold and distant. “What I said to you.”</p><p>His eyes grew understanding as he slowly nodded, looking away for a moment only to return his gaze back to her.</p><p>“You don’t need to be sorry, Princess,” he said, reaching up and touching her face carefully.</p><p>“I said something mean to you,” she said, her voice shameful as she looked away. “I should be punished,” she mumbled, trying to say it under her breath.</p><p>“What?!” Chat cried, startling her enough to jerk her head up again. She watched as his face grew more horrified by the second, and she was beyond confused. “Why do you think you need to be punished for everything you do wrong? It was a mistake; you didn’t mean to say it.”</p><p>“But I did,” she said, her throat suddenly becoming tighter. “I wanted to hurt you, Chat.”</p><p>“And that gives you a right to hurt yourself?”</p><p>She was silent at that, and she studied him carefully. He shifted enough that told her it was time to move, so she let him help her to a sitting position, before turning back to her, a careful look in his eyes.</p><p>“I don’t want you thinking like that, okay?” he said, taking her hands carefully in his as he shifted closer to her. His eyes and his touch were gentle, staring at her like she was some kind of treasure he was hesitant on truly seeing. “It’s scary when you say stuff like that. I don’t want to think about a world where you deserve to be punished—or a world where you deserve what you’re doing to yourself.”</p><p>He brought up her left hand and gently placed his lips on her knuckles, kissing them lightly. He let it linger for a long moment before he dropped their intertwined hands between them again, looking up at her with both a loving and careful look.</p><p>“I care about you way too much to let something like that go unnoticed any longer.” He stared at her for a long moment before tugging her arms gently, gesturing for her to move forward. She followed his lead, hesitating slightly before finally caving and reaching out to him. He pulled her closer as she crawled between his legs, letting her hands rest on his chest as he wrapped her in a tight embrace, pulling her so close she felt like he was squeezing the life out of her.</p><p>He moved his head and kissed her forehead gently, rubbing his hand up and down her back soothingly. She snuggled closer to him, finding both comfort and a bittersweet taste in her mouth from the nice, warm embrace. She pulled herself closer to him, nuzzling her nose against his neck and finding the warm skin a safe place she could go to hide whenever she wanted.</p><p>She didn’t deserve this kindness he was showing her, but in the moment she didn’t care. She wanted to be close to him, and his warmth was slowly warming up her body that was shivering from nonexistent coldness. The coldness was coming from the hollow void inside her chest, and she hated how much it screamed at her to back off, to stay cold and out of his embrace. She hated the way she agreed with it, how much she didn’t deserve this and his kindness.</p><p>Just when her overworked mind was about to give in, and she started pulling away, she felt his grip on her tighten. She was forced to sink back into his warm embrace, not complaining, but the waves in the back of her mind told her this was the wrong decision.</p><p>He hugged her tighter, and she ultimately gave up.</p><p>“Don’t you dare let go of me,” he said quietly, his voice gentle as he held her so tightly. “Have mercy on yourself, My Lady.”</p><p>At the nickname, she caved slightly, and she let herself completely relax into his embrace, pushing back on the white noise and the splashing waves. Everything around her little toxic island made of glass shards was chaotic, a terrible storm ripping apart everything in its wake, including her little island. Everything was surging forward in a powerful wave, a trembling earthquake inside her heart that was trying to make her panic, trying to make her lose herself in the storm.</p><p>But no. No, this time it was easy. It was easy to push back against the storm for once, and she smiled at the relief it brought. She listened to his heartbeat as she almost effortlessly fought against the waves and the white noise, finding solace where she was at.</p><p>And in his arms, was solace. In his arms, she found peace. In his arms, she was finally able to give mercy to herself.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>PLEASE READ I NEED HELP<br/>Okay guys, here's the tea. </p><p>Instagram is currently blocking me for something I didn't intentionally do. Remember the songs I wrote about Ladynoir? Well, those videos got me combined over 600-700 views in only a few days, as well as several followers in under 24 hours. This apparently was a red flag to Instagram, and combine that with me using the "forbidden hashtags" in my recent posts, Instagram decided to, what we users call, "shadow ban" me. They blamed me for using a "service" for "getting more followers" on Instagram, when CLEARLY I did this all on my own. </p><p>I'm sorry for laying this on you guys, but for future reference, how do I avoid getting shadow banned? I really need some tips here if you guys know anything. There isn't a lot online I found out about it and I couldn't find the best ways to avoid "shadow ban." If you guys have any advice, it would be greatly appreciated. </p><p>ANYWAYS on to more happy news, I am so excited to say that I am nearing the end to writing Afterglow, you guys are not lol. I hope you guys are enjoying this fic so far! And it looks like Afterglow is slowly getting up to 200! Thank you guys so much! </p><p>More fluff and angst coming in the future! AND yes, our cuties will eventually spill the three little words. </p><p>Have a great day! <br/>~Happt</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. Dancing With Your Ghost</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Chat helps Marinette settle after last night's events, and they both realize a few things. Mostly filled with comforting touches, gentle whispers, and maybe a little bit of dancing.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Warning: Light reference/mention of self-harm</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chapter 18: Dancing With Your Ghost</p><p> </p><p>Being the center of attention was certainly what Marinette missed these past years, and she was going to have to get used to it, because it seemed the mangy cat was not leaving. She didn’t mind though, having Chat Noir near her for hours on end was somewhat of a blessing. With her mind, and body apparently, in shambles, she figured it would be best not to be alone for the day.</p><p>He gave her no choice when it came to going to school or work that day, and yes, she was frustrated with him at first. But as the hours passed and their time together grew, she became more and more fond of the idea of having him in her apartment. And as the day grew longer and her smile even wider, she realized he really is looking out for her.</p><p>She just didn’t know it was going to come to this. This… sudden burst of energy she hasn’t had in a long time. The last time she could recall having this sudden burst of energy was years ago; during a time when hiding her true feelings from another fellow blond and avoiding her true feelings of the one with her in the same room was easier. She never thought she would look back at those days and realize how much she longed for them, even though she cringed at the idea of being a naïve teenager again.</p><p>Being an adult certainly had its advantages, like having free reign in your choices, to a certain degree based on what your salary was and what you’re studying to be. Of course, Marinette knew how much she was blessed with, and sometimes, when her mind took over and the waves crashed over her mercilessly, she forgot all about those things.</p><p>The glass half full half empty thing weighed on her a lot, and sometimes she wondered if she really has lost more than she gained. Over the course of a few <em>weeks</em> back when the battle had ended, she had lost all her friends, her best friends, and ultimately fell out of touch with someone she dearly loved.</p><p>And then, <em>he </em>left.</p><p>Marinette didn’t understand how you could feel like your heart is broken when she never went through a breakup. But it felt like one, the way they separated, argued, <em>blamed him. </em>All of it weighed over her like a heavy cloud and she wished with all her might that she could take back what she said. Take back the storm they caused and just have no heavy emotions even as they parted ways for years. Years full of resentment, pain, hate, and even… even longing. She hadn’t meant to hurt him… but she was angry, and when she’s angry, she tends to act on her emotions.</p><p>“You okay?”</p><p>She jumped at the voice and looked up from the spot on the floor she was staring at, meeting concerned green eyes as he set down a tray full of snacks on the table.</p><p>She forced a smile on her lips as he sat on the couch next to her, turning towards her as he recognized the lying expression.</p><p>“I’m okay,” she confirmed, which in reality she was, she just hated when her mind got the best of her. “I’m okay, just…” she looked to the side and hesitated, glancing at the tray of snacks.</p><p>“Hey,” Chat Noir said, reaching out and touching a strand of hair and pulling it behind her ear, and she leaned into the gentle gesture. “Don’t let your mind hurt you anymore, okay?”</p><p>She felt the waves lapping over her ankles slightly and she tensed, closing her eyes and pushing back on the memories. She hated the idea of having a blackout when she hasn’t had one since last night, it felt so good to just be free from it for a while. Especially with his hand gently lying on her shoulder and running up and down her back, soothing her.</p><p>She sucked in a long, deep breath as she bowed her head and closed her eyes, feeling like she was breathing out concrete as her breath shuddered. She felt his gentle hand continue to stroke her back, and the touch calmed her enough to relax her shoulders and lean into his touch. His hand dropped to her lower back and she was very aware how his thumb caressed her skin through her shirt.</p><p>She suddenly had the need to feel his fingertips, his ungloved fingertips, trace her skin. The hands she’s watched from afar since she fell head over heels for him years ago, back in simpler times. The hands she wished were holding her close and squeezing the life back into her, maybe giving her a gentle kiss on the forehead.</p><p>She tried to avoid the warmth that sprouted in her stomach at the very idea, suppressing a smile as she turned back to him, giving him a small smile.</p><p>“Thank you,” she said, relaxing further as his eyes grew happier. “I’m okay now.”</p><p>He nodded and gave her one more stroke on the back, before retracting his arm to his side of the couch, scooting closer to the arm on his side and turned back to the coffee table where all the snacks were. His eyes had lit up, and she smiled fondly at his attitude change, something he seemed to have pretty good control over. That, or he was just trying to cheer her up, and the fact that he was simply trying and staying with her today, made her heart warm even more.</p><p>“Okay, I looked up a thing online and it said these were the best snacks to eat while playing video games,” he said, looking over the chemical based food like it was going to explode if he looked away for one second. “We’ve got chips, candy and I even found some frozen chicken nuggets in your fridge!” He said cheerfully, looking over at her with a proud smile. “This work?”</p><p>She grinned at his eagerness, “It does, it’s not like I was going to be using those chicken nuggets any time soon. Besides,” she said, shifting and tucking her legs under herself. “What’s gaming without crappy food?”</p><p>He grinned, before reaching out to the coffee table where two controllers laid there, and handing one to her, giving her a sly grin. “Ready to be beat?”</p><p>She snatched the controller away from him, “I’ll have you know I kick ass at video games. And I’m definitely going to kick yours.”</p><p>He laughed loudly before leaning forwards and looking at the TV as it turned on by a press of a button. “I don’t have any doubts, Princess.”</p><p>It was from early afternoon of that day to about four o’clock that they played video games. They played from Ultimate Mecha Strike III to simple oldie games like Pac Man and Galaga, cursing every time the other would win. They took breaks in between their gaming to shove some food in their mouths, scarfing it down like they haven’t eaten in years. It was fun just to laugh and be in the unfailing happiness for a solid few hours. She didn’t hear the waves trying to come up and jump her from behind at any moment, so she was able to fully invest herself with the time they spent together.  </p><p>Marinette was surprised when Chat would win against her, especially at the oldies. Yes, she does kick ass, and she was the ultimate champion by the end of their gaming competition, but Chat was more experienced with the old games. He knew the tactics better and he seemed more focused and less stressed when he played the old ones. She, however, completely destroyed him when it came to Ultimate Mecha Strike III, and she whooped with celebration at each win. Even going as far as jumping off the couch and dancing around like an excited monkey.</p><p>She teased him playfully, and he would smile despite his competitive side, waving her off when she poked him in the shoulder just to annoy him. He was a good sport about it, and she was happy in that moment, watching him trying not to be too pleased with her teasing and happy tone.</p><p>She was more pleased with the way he was making her laugh, maybe he was even purposely losing the matches just to make her happy. Either way, when she would glance at him from time to time, she couldn’t help but smile fondly at him as a blush creeped up her cheeks.</p><p>She had an overwhelming sense of attraction to him, a need to touch him and to be held. It was almost like a need was building in her chest that longed for him, like he was a million miles away, yet he was only a foot or two away from her.</p><p>His eyes glinted as all his focus turned on the game, and his gaze searched every situation he landed himself in. He was concentrating, and his furrowed eyebrows and his jaw hanging open was more than cute, it was adorable as she looked at him. His bangs fell just over his eyes in a messy mop like way, shaggy and careless, just the way she liked it. He was goofy, silly and her adorable kitty; the hair only added to the vision that he was as silly as he was.</p><p>“Yes!” He cried, making her jump and turn back towards the game, her eyes widening as her health bar went to zero. She had lost the match.</p><p>“What?!” she cried, staring at it while scooting to the edge of the couch, staring in disbelief as it claimed Chat the winner.</p><p>“Sore loser, Bugaboo?” Chat said, teasing in his voice.</p><p>She glanced at him once before turning back to the TV, anger that was completely harmless passing through her. She huffed and sat back again, pursing her lips in a pout as she crossed her arms at her chest, refusing to look at him.</p><p>“That was unfair,” she mumbled, glaring off to the side.</p><p>Chat chuckled lowly, and she refused to soften at the fond sound. “So, you are a sore loser,” he claimed, his grin practically shining off him.</p><p>She pressed her lips together and turned her head more to the side, refusing to even give him the slightest hint that his teasing voice was enduring. She felt the couch cushions shift under his weight as he scootched closer to her, his teasing voice coming from a mile away.</p><p>“Mari~” he said, drawing out her name which had her suppressing her smile even more. “C’mon, don’t be such a baby.” He scooted closer until he was right next to her, her shaking her head in denial.</p><p>“Don’t,” she warned, seeing out of the corner of her eye that he was reaching out to her with one hand, ready to touch her face.</p><p>But when was the last time Chat Noir was scared of Ladybug? Or Marinette for that matter? He was never scared of her. The only time he’d been scared of her is when he was terrified that she would hate him someday and end up not falling in love with him. Ladybug, as he knew her, was not someone that hid from confrontation about this kind of stuff, and she made it clear she doesn’t want to lie to him about her feelings.</p><p>But was it still lying if she knew the truth… and was scared to say it… but she just stopped rejecting him?</p><p>She felt one of his knuckles drag down her temple and she turned her head to the side to look at him, her body relaxing and her shoulders untensing. She leaned into his touch and immediately melted at the sensation of the gentle gesture, becoming completely fond of him and his touch. She loved how she craved his touch, like she needed it constantly. His touch calmed her, and the gentleness he puts into it only made her fall for him more.</p><p>“You relaxed,” he said, looking into her eyes as he slightly stalled his hand.</p><p>She gave him a confused look, “What?”</p><p>“You…” he retracted his hand back down, but his eyes were still on hers. His face became slightly curious as he looked at her, his head tilting the side almost cat like. “You like my touch… don’t you?”</p><p>She stared at him for a long time, opening and closing her mouth as she struggled to find the right words to say. It’s not like she can suddenly speak right after he confronted her with <em>that </em>sentiment, the one about liking his touch and… well, knowing it’s true.</p><p>She could feel a blush crawling up her neck as he stared at her, waiting patiently for her answer that she apparently had. She knew the answer, she liked the answer, she <em>wanted to say </em>the answer so that he could continue touching her, but for God, Lord and Heaven Almighty, was it hard to say.</p><p>She swallowed hard and glanced down between them, noticing how her fingers that were tucked under her arm dangled pretty close to his hand, which was near her hip. Still looking down, she slowly slipped her hand from its hiding place and reached down, feeling a warmth blossom in her chest as her fingers carefully intertwined with his.</p><p>“Yeah,” she admitted, smiling as he pulled her hand more into his, feeling the warmth spread through her body. “Yeah, I do.” She looked up at him then, making herself look into his gentle eyes as he studied her carefully, feeling safe under his gaze. “Your touch calms me, you know,” she said quietly.</p><p>He looked surprised, “Really?”</p><p>She blushed at the confession, but nodded anyway, “Yeah.” She looked down shyly and couldn’t stop smiling as she felt the butterflies flutter in her stomach. “Just knowing you’re there, proof that you’re here with me, gives me comfort and calm.”</p><p>He smiled sweetly at her before reaching up again and playing with a strand of lose hair next to her temple, twirling it in his fingers. “I guess that means that you want me to touch you more often?”</p><p>She smiled, “If you could… yes?”</p><p>He smiled widely and reached down, taking her hand in his and bringing it up to his lips, kissing her knuckles gently. “I will happily oblige, Princess,” he said, kissing her knuckles again and letting it linger. “I love touching you. You’re real, and I love proving that.”</p><p>She smiled sweetly at him, and for the millionth time in a row, she felt valued.</p><p>After the moment between them settled, Chat gave her one last gentle kiss on her knuckles before getting up from the couch, taking the mostly empty tray with him. He took it off the table and walked around the couch, padding across the floor in what she assumed were socks back to the kitchen.</p><p>She didn’t know why, but she smiled fondly at the fact that Chat Noir, savior of Paris, wore socks. Of course, she knew a lot of people wore socks, in fact most of the population did, and it shouldn’t come to a surprise to her. But as her gaze followed him around the couch and she leaned up to look at his feet continuing to walk like… <em>feet should, </em>she couldn’t help but smile at him.</p><p>He wore dark grew socks with red lines on them that wrapped around his sole and back around his foot, stopping at his toes. They stopped walking when he simply set the tray next to the sink, taking one of the last chicken nuggets and shoving it into his mouth. He began walking back when something caught his eye and he stopped, furrowing his eyebrows as his gaze fell on something on the counter.</p><p>“What are you looking at?” she asked curiously, watching him.</p><p>He hesitantly reached out and carefully picked up a single piece of paper, staring in awe at it as if it were made of pure gold.</p><p>“Chat,” she called, and he looked up at his name, his eyes wide in astonishment.</p><p>“Are these yours?” he asked, pointing at the paper.</p><p>“What?” she said, pushing herself off the couch and approaching him, craning her head once she reached him to look at the front side of the paper. “Oh,” she said, her eyes recognizing it.</p><p>“<em>Oh?” </em>Chat said, his tone in disbelief as he looked at it again. “These are amazing Mari!”</p><p>“They’re rough sketches,” she said, taking the paper in her hand and studying it as she leaned over the table. It was a dark blue dress that faded down towards the end of the skirt in a dark grey color, flowing out as the model she drew spun a little as she walked. There was an even darker blue towards the top piece, hugging her middle in small stiches before cupping around her breasts, and the shoulder straps looked a lot like umbrellas, cupping her shoulder. There was a small ribbon that was matching the deep color of the middle of the dress, hanging down from her waist in a small bow.</p><p>“The color is all wrong and the lines and the seams need to be on the other side. I also hate the ribbons wrapped around her waist.” She shook her head as she looked at it, seeing all the flaws. “I’m just not proud of this one. Fourteen-year-old me has done better.”</p><p>“Are you kidding?” Chat cried, taking her by surprise as she looked up at him. His face was bent in a way that meant he was about to give her a lecture, and she held her breath as he continued. “These are some of the best sketches I’ve ever seen! And trust me when I say that, because I’ve seen <em>a lot.” </em>He gently took the paper from her hands and looked down at it again, a smile crossing his lips. “These are amazing,” he turned to her again, “What are they for?”</p><p>“A project I’m doing in school,” she said, leaning her chin into her palm, watching him carefully. “It’s supposed to mean ‘Memories,’ and I honestly don’t know what the hell I’m going to do.” She laughed dryly as she rubbed one of her eyes before looking back into his disbelieving gaze. “It’s not like there’s anything that memorable to use in the past few years.”</p><p>Chat became silent at that, and she felt half bad for saying it as she realized what she could be implying.</p><p>With her heart dropping in her chest, she reached out to him and touched his arm, giving him a caring gaze. “That’s not what I meant.”</p><p>He seemed to only be agitated more by it since he set the paper down and leaned against the table, looking down with his shoulders tense.</p><p>“Yeah, but it doesn’t matter, right?” he said, not looking back up at her. “It’s still—”</p><p>“Don’t you dare say it was your fault,” she said quietly, making him look back up at her. She considered the look of shame in his eyes, and she hated the idea of him staying in that mentality when ultimately, it was something she was trying to forget. She breathed as she continued, “I know there’s a lot of room to blame here, but I’m not blaming you anymore,” she said, her voice gentle as she reached out to him and squeezed his arm. “I want you to let it go, okay? I hate seeing you like that.”</p><p>He studied her for a minute, before dropping his head down. His eyes closed behind the mask and she retracted her hand to give him his space. Chat was always the one to over analyze things and hate himself for every little thing he’s done. Even the things that weren’t even his fault seemed to fall on his shoulders.</p><p>She meant what she said, she forgave him and she’s ultimately trying to forget about it, which wasn’t really happening, considering last night, but at least she’s trying. She wanted him to ultimately forget about it as well, not so that he would unlearn his lesson, but move past it so that they could possible move forward. Together.</p><p><em>Together, </em>she thought, smiling at the idea. <em>It would be nice to do this completely together. </em></p><p>It was his gaze lifting and searching for hers that broke her out of her thoughts, and she smiled kindly at him. His smile was halfhearted, but it was genuine and real, and she was greatly relieved by it.</p><p>He looked down at the sketches again, his face analyzing and thinking.</p><p>“What if you did it related to us?” he asked, not taking his eyes off of the drawing.</p><p>She froze, “What?”</p><p>“Us,” he said, turning back to her and straightening, gesturing between them. “You and I. Ladybug and Chat Noir. Our arrival back to Paris was pretty memorable.”</p><p>She scoffed, “Yeah, so memorable,” she said, straightening as well and crossing her arms. “Have you heard the news? A lot of people are only remembering it as a cowardice return of two of Paris’ greatest clowns.”</p><p>“First of all, ouch,” he said, touching his chest with a glint in his eyes that said he was only teasing. “And second of all, is this a memorable moment to all of Paris? Or is this about Marinette?”</p><p>She blinked, considering. “Well… the rubric said we need to make up something that reminds us about a significant moment in our lives—”</p><p>“Perfect,” he said, looking back down at the drawing. “Then what inspired this?”</p><p>She bit her lip and cringed, shifting on her feet uncomfortably. “You’re going to think it’s stupid.”</p><p>“And why would I?” he asked, his lips turning up in a smile. “Is it a funny memory?”</p><p>She gave him an incredulous look, picking up the piece of paper and showing it to him. “In what way does this look happy?”</p><p>He faltered at that, his eyes growing concerned for her. “It’s a sad memory?”</p><p>It was her turn to falter. She turned the paper around and stared down at it for a second, pressing her lips together as the past came through to her in the picture. The waves weren’t threatening her in that moment, and the white noise stayed at a comfortable level.</p><p>“I don’t know,” she admitted, dropping her shoulders. “It has good and bad meanings to it.”</p><p>“What does that mean?”</p><p>She looked up at him and felt her eyes misting, not from sadness, but of the reminiscing nostalgia that came over her. The days where whenever she would be looking at him, he would have a goofy expression on his face, always cracking jokes and making her laugh. A time where the days where easier, and the sun shone brighter… and the rain… meant more.</p><p>“It was the day I met you,” she said, smiling softly as she looked back down at the picture. “Don’t worry, that’s in my happy memories.”</p><p>He didn’t respond.</p><p>“It was the day we faced our first akuma,” she continued, pressing her lips together. “The first time I realized what a heavy responsibility this was going to be. The first time I realized that the world isn’t full of good and bad people, but rather good people with bad intentions.”</p><p>She blinked a few times to rid of the tears that were threatening to fall. Damn, she was such a mess.</p><p>“I met Alya for the first time, we stood up to Chloe together, I was starting high school and…” she shook her head, the memory coming back to her in a rush of water, lightning, and the thunder that shook her to her core.</p><p>“And him,” she finally said.</p><p>Chat was silent for a long time.</p><p>“Him?” he asked softly, his body like a statue besides his evident breathing in front of her.</p><p>“Him,” she said, crinkling the paper a little to control her emotions. “The guy I kept rejecting you for.” She tried to control her tongue, but as her emotions continued to build up, forcing her walls down and breaking, she just couldn’t hold it all together anymore.</p><p>She wasn’t crying yet, but she was breaking. And honestly, it felt <em>good. </em></p><p>“It was after our first akuma attack, and school had ended, and I was waiting outside when I found it raining,” she said, unable to look at him incase his expression would make her start crying. “I was mad at him for something he didn’t do, and I refused to talk to him. I didn’t want to, because I honestly thought that he was at fault and—” she stopped, looking up at him then, finding his wide eyes staring back into hers as she realized something.</p><p>“In reality,” she said, opening and closing her mouth. “He was trying to help me.”</p><p>Chat was silent, giving her the chance to continue.</p><p>She tore her gaze from his and looked back down at the sketch, feeling a softer mood falling over her, like she had just let a hundred pounds fall off her shoulders.</p><p>“He offered me his umbrella,” she said, smiling fondly at the sad, yet peaceful memory. “And then… it hit me. I liked him.” She looked up at Chat then, finding his eyes wide and full of surprise, like someone had decided to slap him with a guitar. She faltered at his expression and suddenly felt bad, reminding herself that he didn’t want to hear about her past crushes, and possibly insinuate that she was still in love with him.</p><p>“But, you know,” she said, cracking the tender atmosphere with her sharp voice, tossing the sketch onto the table as Chat blinked, like he was trying to process what happened. “Over romanticized memory, I guess.”</p><p>She watched him for another few moments, noticing how his eyes drifted slowly off her and back at the sketch. He slowly picked it up from the counter and held it delicately in his hands, like it could crumble to pieces at his touch.</p><p>“That’s…” he said, his voice quiet as he slowly looked back up at her. “That’s a very beautiful memory.”</p><p>She pressed her lips together, “I guess,” she said, crossing her arms at her chest. “I was going to call it ‘In the Rain,’ but honestly, it was so long ago, and it might be a little ridiculous at this point.”</p><p>“I wouldn’t say that.” Chat said, setting down the paper again and looking at her with soft eyes. “I think you should keep it, if not for your project, but for the meaning,” he said, his smile tender. “It was a significant moment in your life, for various reasons. Other people would disagree that it looks wrong, because, in my opinion, it looks amazing, and I know a good design when I see one.”</p><p>Marinette raised an eyebrow at this, “Oh?” she said, the mood in the room visibly lifting. “You know your way around designs, Chat Noir?”</p><p>He blushed, his eyes widening at the claim. “I… well—”</p><p>“It’s fine, Kitty,” she said, leaning forward and patting his shoulder soothingly. “You don’t have to tell me.”</p><p>But as he seemed to relax after she said this, turning from him, she immediately wanted to take it back. It wasn’t everyday she got to learn something new about him, and the idea that Chat possibly knew things about fabric, designs and drawing had her thinking about all the things they could do with that. They could sit around on the floor and come up with crazy ideas together, come up with the worse/best designs in history, and stay up till four am working on projects together.</p><p>The silent longing, she felt for those unlived moments went unnoticed by Chat, but Marinette blushed lightly at the idea of sharing her hopes and dreams with him, this time by using drawings.</p><p>“I’m sure you would like to know,” he said, stopping her in her tracks. “Why I know so much about designs.”</p><p>She felt an uneasy knot form in her stomach, one she recognized as nervousness. Her back was still towards him, and she stilled as his eyes lingered on her, a shiver running down her spine.</p><p>“Chat…” she said quietly, unable to face him as she looked at her feet. “I—” She cut herself off, because she really didn’t have an answer. She didn’t know how to respond, especially since she weighed two options that seemed impossible in her own mind.</p><p>A yes. And a no.</p><p>“My Lady,” he said quietly, and she softened at the nickname, but didn’t dare turn around. “I can’t keep every little thing from you anymore. I hate lying to you and keeping—”</p><p>“But I know the why you’re lying,” she said, finally finding the courage to face him. “It’s a valid reason, Chat, and I have no problem understanding that.”</p><p><em>Liar, </em>the voice in her head said, and she winced at the accusation.</p><p>He stared at her for a long time, his eyes misty before he looked down at his own feet, shifting his weight in the uncomfortable silence. She immediately felt bad, because now he was hurting and blaming himself for something she’s doing.</p><p>“I’m not ready,” she decided on, meeting his sad gaze as he lifted his head back to her. “I’m not ready for that… and I’m not sure how I am going to react.” She subconsciously rubbed her wrists, unwillingly voicing to Chat that she’s scared that if she finds out who he is… it was a fifty-fifty chance of it going right and going wrong. And with how unstable she was at the moment, she knew she was no way, shape or form, ready to know who was under that mask.</p><p>No matter how much she wanted to.</p><p>Chat’s eyes grew wide in alarmed understanding as he stepped closer to her, taking her hands between them and interlacing them.</p><p>“Marinette,” he said, speaking her name tenderly. “You can’t resort to that anymore.”</p><p>She nodded, “I know,” she said, leaning forward and pressing her forehead to his chin, “I know.”</p><p>They stayed like that for a long time, reminding themselves that the other was real. And maybe it was a little farfetched, especially considering how bad their luck can get, but they hoped to reveal themselves on their own time. So that nothing like reality or trauma or anything that threatens them would take the matter into their own hands.</p><p>That is, as long as Fate kept her hands to herself.</p><p>.             .             .</p><p>When Marinette suggested it, he had to admit that the idea made his heart skip a beat. Chat is more than just a romantic person, he is a cuddly, almost pathetic excuse for a cat that wanted nothing more than to make his princess laugh. He could spend hours leaping over buildings, spouting lame puns and terrible dad jokes just to make her smile, or he could spend a whole day with her and do the stupid couple things he never got to do.</p><p>Chat Noir, nor Adrien, has ever had a real, serious relationship. Sure, there was Kagami all those years ago, and the occasional gentle women who actually cared about his heart more than his looks. At the ripe age of twenty-three, that was considered pathetic. But he’s never had an actual relationship that had him jumping on his feet like a ten-year-old on Christmas or standing on the edge of cliff by his heels.</p><p>Yes, he means both exciting, and absolutely terrifying.</p><p>So, when Marinette eagerly held up a blanket in her living room with a sly look on her face, he knew he was at the mercy of a women that could literally ask him anything and he would move mountains to make her dreams come true.</p><p>But luckily for now, her dreams resulted to them spending hours building a blanket and pillow fort in her living room, leaving it a mess, and arguing about what went where. It was hazardous, really, Chat was concerned one of them was going to step on something and they would fall on top of one another. Or worse, Chat would stub his toe and bring hell upon him with the furious look on Marinette’s face after he ruins the whole fort.</p><p>Basically, Chat watched where he stepped, and he had a mini panic attack each time he thought he was going to break something.</p><p>He had to take down the TV from where it sat by the window and bring it on the floor, then bringing one blanket around it and placing it on the table it was on, holding it there with a few books. They used a few more pillows and blankets to make walls and used cushions to put on the floor to lie on. Once they were finished, Chat opened the small opening for Marinette as she climbed in first, him close behind her. It was a little crowded at first, but Chat didn’t mind cuddling with her, especially when she mischievously held up the remote to her TV.</p><p>She had an amazon account, so she bought <em>Beauty and the Beast</em>, the cartoon version, before lying on her stomach and watching in fascination as the screen filled with the animated colors. Chat was sitting up, his hand resting on her lower back where her shirt was riding up. His fingertips were under her shirt, tracing soothing circles on her skin as they watched the movie in silence, occasionally giggling at the funny scenes.</p><p>She didn’t seem to mind, in fact when he first touched her, he felt her back muscles relax some, encouraging him to continue his gentle touch. Although he has felt her skin before, but he’s never felt her skin with his own fingertips so intimately, and while she’s calm.</p><p>She had tied her hair up in a messy bun, strands all around her head falling out from the hair do. The long-sleeved shirt she was wearing was pulled down past her wrists, covering half her hand as her eyes stayed transfixed on the screen.</p><p>Chat stared at her hands for a long moment, before dropping his gaze to her arms, where the faint imprint of her bandages were. He felt his heart lurch a little at the sight and the reminder of her scars and the fresh cuts she inflicted on herself.</p><p>He was trying to keep his cool about it, even though everything inside him was screaming at him to do something more, to get her help. But getting her help required him revealing his identity, and she wasn’t ready for that yet, as she claimed. Not to mention that running in somewhere with her behind him demanding they get her help might also jeopardize her identity as well. He’d hate himself even more if that happened.</p><p>Even though Marinette was trying to convince him to let go what happened five years ago, he still couldn’t. Not when he comes back to Marinette not opening up to him, and now, he just found out she’s hurting herself. He was the one that brought her back, he was the one that caused these blackouts to happen, which is how she learned to cut herself to control it. If you really thought about it, and if you really connected it to what happened five years ago, it all led back to him.</p><p>This was <em>his</em> fault.</p><p>“Chat?” her voice broke him from his thoughts as he looked up at her. She was looking back at him curiously, a concerned look in her eyes. “You okay?”</p><p>He smiled despite his raging thoughts and pressed his hand against the bare of her back, giving her a reassuring stroke. “I’m okay.”</p><p>She nodded hesitantly before tearing her gaze from him and back to the TV, which was just showing the dance scene of the movie. The music echoed in his ears, and he was suddenly heavily reminded of his mother, and how much she loved this movie as well.</p><p>Mostly led by instinct, Chat moved. Marinette felt him shift and looked back at him to see what he was doing when he suddenly laid beside her, his stomach on the ground as well. His hand continued rubbing her back in soothing strokes, as he leaned on one elbow to look at her. Their faces where very close to one another, staring into equally genuine eyes that held nothing but care and affection for the other.</p><p>Chat reached out with his free hand and took on of her hands, bringing it up and kissing the back of her hand, then her palm, then her knuckles. He tried to pour everything he felt for her in that kiss, how much he cared for her, how much he needed her to stay and fight, how much he really, truly—</p><p>“Your eyes are really that green, huh?” her voice broke him from his thoughts again as he looked back up at her.</p><p>He grinned at her, “Getting mesmerized Princess?”</p><p>She rolled her eyes, earning a chuckle from him before she spoke again.</p><p>“Not quite,” she said, her red cheeks saying otherwise. “You just… remind me of someone, is all.”</p><p>He had ideas of who she could be thinking about, but on this matter and the fact that she wanted to hold off on revealing identities, he kept silent. She seemed to have the same idea, and maybe he could even sense in her a little nervousness as her train of thought continued down that road. Eventually, he knew she would find out, she wasn’t dumb, she would figure it out pretty quickly.</p><p>He leaned forward and pressed a lingering kiss to her temple, which had her relaxing against him and leaning into his touch. He calmed her fears and anxieties with the touch of his lips, a small act of affection he took on from his mother years ago. It symbolized love, care, and pure want to help the person they were giving it to. He just hoped he was doing it right. With the way she leaned into him, rolling onto her side and burying her face in his chest, her breathing steady, he smiled at the cuteness and the thought that he was helping her.</p><p>He was basically on top of her and he leaned down to place another delicate kiss on her forehead, letting the warmth spread through her body. He reached out and took her waist and pulled her closer, wrapping his other arm around her shoulders as he settled on his side next to her.</p><p>He found the bare skin of her waist, a little lower and a little more intimate, and soon began tapping a familiar rhythm against her hip, occasionally shushing her gently when he’d feel her chest jerk in a broken sob.</p><p>.             .             .</p><p>“No, no, no, no; I am <em>not </em>falling for that again!”</p><p>“Aww! C’mon Buginette! This is my favorite song!”</p><p>“It most certainly isn’t, and I can prove it.”</p><p>“Really? And what would you know that I didn’t?”</p><p>“Well, for one, you <em>definitely </em>are a classic rock kind of guy.”</p><p>“And what gives you that idea?”</p><p>“I don’t know. The leather clad superhero suit gives a pretty obvious vibe.”</p><p>“A vibe of what?! That I like people screaming into my headphones and blasting over my stereo?!”</p><p>“<em>Yes</em>.”</p><p>“My Lady,” Chat Noir said, placing a hand on his forehead, partially covering his magic mask, since he was fully transformed now. He was exasperated, and by the look in his eyes he was slightly annoyed. Mostly because of the fact Marinette was currently cooking <em>him </em>dinner before he even could offer to do so himself. </p><p>“What will convince you to do this?” he asked, gesturing at her phone that was sitting on the counter, playing a familiar tune, but she couldn’t recognize it.</p><p>She gave him a playful look, “What? Dance with you?” she shook her head as she reached for the spices in the cupboards, shaking a few salts and different spices on the raw chicken she had on a tray. “Kitty, I can’t dance.”</p><p>“That’s fine!” he said, his voice chirpy. “We can just sway, that’s it!”</p><p>“I’m going to step on your toes,” she said, raising an eyebrow at him.</p><p>“I’m wearing boots.”</p><p>“Then you could step on <em>mine.” </em></p><p>“Princess,” he said quietly, and she froze, looking up into his eyes, holding her gaze like it was the most precious thing he’s ever held.</p><p>He extended his hand to her, just as another song came on. Uneven notes of a piano played through the phone, along with a girl humming a string of notes that sounded both happy and sad.</p><p>Without saying much else, accept drawn in by his warm embrace, she set down the spices and dried her hands, before stepping around the counter and taking his hand. He pulled her in right as the singer began singing.</p><p>
  <em>Yelling at the sky<br/>
screaming at the world<br/>
Baby, why’d you go away?<br/>
I’m still your girl.</em>
</p><p>Chat took her waist and pulled her close, his fingers brushing the skin under her shirt. She liked his fingers on her skin, and he knew it, so he must have taken earlier as a good sign to continue touching her skin. Even if it was his suit and it was his claws grazing her skin delicately, she felt her chest warm at the gesture of him being careful not to hurt her. But that didn’t stop the goosebumps from shooting up her spine as he pulled her closer to him, intertwining his fingers with hers.</p><p>
  <em><br/>
Holding on too tight<br/>
Head up in the clouds<br/>
Heaven only knows,<br/>
where you are now. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>How do I love, how do I love again?<br/>
How do I trust, how do I trust again? </em>
</p><p>Right after that, the piano keys rose their intensity, and a beat dropped to a more poppy, but still sad tune as the singer continued with the chorus.</p><p>
  <em>I stay up all night,<br/>
tell myself I’m alright<br/>
baby you’re just harder to see than most. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I put the record on,<br/>
wait till I hear our song,<br/>
Every night I’m dancing with your ghost.<br/>
Every night I’m dancing with your ghost. </em>
</p><p>Marinette was looking up into Chat’s eyes, who lead her in a gentle, steady sway while holding her tightly around the waist with one arm. She was lost in his green eyes, the same green eyes that were staring down at her like she was the most precious person in the entire world.</p><p>She had to look down at his chest, feeling like she didn’t deserve that priceless look he was giving her. Instead she closed her eyes and focused more on the song.</p><p>The beat of the song slowed, the piano still evident, but the drums never faded but only becoming slightly softer as she drifted into the second verse, the lyrics seemingly taunting her.</p><p>
  <em>Never go the chance<br/>
to say a last goodbye.<br/>
I gotta move on,<br/>
But it hurts to try. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>How do I love, how do I love again?<br/>
How do I trust, how do I trust again? </em>
</p><p>The beat intensified again, and Marinette scrunched up her face as her throat tightened in an uncomfortable way. Because she could relate to this song, she could remember the nights she spent alone, thinking about him and all that she’s lost.</p><p>In a way, she really was dancing with his ghost.</p><p>And it made her want to cry with both agony and happiness as she felt his other arm leave her hand and wrap around her waist, pulling her into a hug they swayed to. She opened her mouth to relieve some pressure from her throat, but she ended up hiccupping and burying her reddening face further into his chest.</p><p>He wasn’t letting go.</p><p>
  <em>I stay up all night,<br/>
tell myself I’m alright<br/>
baby you’re just harder to see than most. </em>
</p><p>Maybe, in the end, when she was telling herself that she was okay every night, promising herself that it was going to be over soon… that she was wrong. Maybe she wasn’t alright, maybe… maybe dancing with his ghost… was the one thing keeping her sane all these years.</p><p>
  <em>I put the record on,</em>
</p><p>But at the same time.</p><p>
  <em>Wait till I hear our song.</em>
</p><p>It was making her insane.</p><p>
  <em>Every night I’m dancing with your ghost.<br/>
Every night I’m dancing with your ghost. </em>
</p><p>Maybe it was the song, or maybe it was the lyrics, or maybe it was the way how she held onto him and he held onto her with just as much grip, like she would fall over and not be able to get up. She wrapped her arms under his armpits and pulled him closer, laying her ear where his heartbeat was. The constant rhythm of his living heart kept her grounded as she continued to sway with him, listening to the lyrics as the tune softened.</p><p>
  <em>How do I love, how do I love again?<br/>
How do I trust, how do I trust again? </em>
</p><p>The beat and the piano softened even more as it led into the chorus, the singers voice sounding fragile like Marinette’s heart in that moment.</p><p>
  <em>I stay up all night,<br/>
tell myself I’m alright.<br/>
Baby you’re just harder to see than most.</em>
</p><p>Suddenly all sound cut out for a split second, before the beat dropped and the rhythm and the melody intensified, and Marinette held onto Chat tighter.</p><p><em>I put the record on,</em><br/>
Wait till I hear our song,<br/>
Every night I’m dancing with your ghost</p><p>She pulled back to look at him, finding his gaze soft and gentle as she stared into what looked like his soul. And all she could think about in that moment, was how much she wanted to feel it.</p><p>
  <em>Every night I’m dancing with your ghost. </em>
</p><p>She was leaning in before she even realized what she was doing, him leaning down to meet her.</p><p>
  <em>Every night I’m dancing with your ghost. </em>
</p><p>The music faded out as she stared into his gorgeous face, finding solace in his presence despite the roaring waves in the back of her mind.</p><p>And just like that, their noses brushing gently and their arms hanging onto each other like their life depended on it, they realized that maybe, maybe they didn’t have to dance with each other’s ghost anymore.</p><p>Maybe something else could dance. Something sweeter, and no longer sad.</p><p>Marinette gulped nervously before she leaned in closer, their breath stalling for a moment, before she pressed her lips to his, fulfilling a dream in her heart she didn’t know was there before.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hey guys! I hoped you enjoyed this chapter! How about that cliffhanger huh? Huh?? </p><p>Anyway, future chapters are yet to come, but for now, be happy &lt;3</p><p>Follow my insta! @being_happy_official</p><p>The lyrics used in this chapter are not mine, all rights reserved to respected owners.</p><p>Have a great day guys!<br/>~happt<br/>(yes the t is intentional)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. This is Real</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>They continue with their gentle kissing, and Marinette struggles to separate reality from fantasy.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Enjoy y'all! No warnings for this chapter! (if i'm wrong please tell me XD)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chapter 19: This is Real</p><p> </p><p>Like drowning in an ocean full of silence and tranquility, Marinette felt herself sink into the endless pit of complete silence. Everything around her seemed to disappear in only a few seconds, like the world of playfulness and warmth fell into one of pressure and stillness. The pressure was pressing against her head in a painful yet enduring throb, the hand on her hip make her knees feel like jelly, and her hip felt like it had dissolved. Everything in that moment just felt like it had disappeared, and it had turned her mind blank.</p><p>She wasn’t complaining though, she felt as if she could spend hours in his embrace, relishing in the pure thought and feel of him. How his chest was constricting and still as she pressed into him, how his hands seemed to hold onto her tighter yet still gentle. How his lips were pressing gently into hers, kissing her back.</p><p>The kiss itself was still and gentle, but passionate, nonetheless. She realized that to have passion in a kiss, you don’t need heat or movement, moments like pressing someone against the wall or pulling desperate moans from their throat. No, passion required emotion, and fever. The burning sensation of their blushing cheeks enough heat between them, the still, gentle emotion of fiery love enough to have their heart skipping beats.</p><p>Nothing about this kiss was desperate, or needy, or heated in any sense of sexual attraction and passion. Like the others they’ve had in the past, several different reasons extending from saving one from a curse, to confessing their feelings right before one of them, unknowingly, lost their life.</p><p>Everything about this kiss spoke volumes to her as she felt Chat relax against her and gently prod her lips more open to capture another kiss. She heard in the silent blankness from his mind, as if he was speaking to her right through all the screams and protests in her mind.</p><p>
  <em>I’m here. I like this. I’ve got you. Let’s be intimate. Let’s be gentle. Let’s never stop. </em>
</p><p>But unfortunately, they both had to breath for their own good.</p><p>Marinette pulled away first and gasped, hating to end the gentle kiss between them. Although she did move away from his lips, she was stock still in his embrace, not willing to move from this tender warmth she found herself in.</p><p>But it seemed Fate still had other plans for her.</p><p>Just as the song from before ended, the room blasted into an echoing space filled with rock and roll music playing from her phone. The sound shocked her enough to jump out of his embrace and shriek, him also jumping back and hissing like an actual cat at the loud phone.</p><p>They stared at the phone for a long time, listening to the unattractive screams and riffs of the guitars as the moment they were sharing before slowly faded into the void.</p><p>Marinette finally found her soul and pushed it back into her body, forcing herself to swallow the lump in her throat that was forming and walk forward. Her limbs shook, threatening to make her fall over as her shaking hands picked up the phone and she turned off the music entirely.</p><p>As the silence overcame the music as she set her phone down, not daring to turn back to the man that was completely silent behind her. The white noise became an uncomfortable shift of movement on her part, her feet struggling to hold up her weight as her thoughts slowly returned back to her.</p><p><em>This is worse, </em>she realizes with a sour taste appearing in her mouth.</p><p>Hating the silence, she picked up her phone once more and searched through her Spotify again, making sure not to have any possible rock and roll songs play to make her trip over air or something. She settled on a calm, driving at midnight playlist that had easy beats and vibe songs to it, and she felt herself relax slightly at the music.</p><p>She carefully set down her phone once more, the music making the silence between them somehow even more awkward.</p><p>She internally groaned. <em>Could this get any worse? </em></p><p>“You okay?” Chat’s voice pierced through the silence, and she jumped and whipped around to find him staring at her concerned.</p><p>“Yeah! I’m good, just—” she looked around the room, searching for something, anything, to keep Chat from noticing how red her cheeks were getting. Her eyes settled on the still uncooked chicken, lying there forgotten. She points at it in an overexaggerated gesture, “Chircken—I mean Chicken! Chicken, you know? Right! I should put this in now.”</p><p>She turned around with embarrassment the size of an elephant, feeling like her heart was racing against a cheetah or a race car. She reaches for the uncooked chicken, avoiding his obvious curious and concerned gaze as she leaned down and opened the oven that was already preheated. She then closed it, adjusted the heat with no purpose just so she could look busy, then set the timer.</p><p>When she was done, she leaned her hands on the counter and bowed her head, trying to sort through her thoughts as they came over her in cascading waves.</p><p>She kissed him. He kissed her back. She <em>liked </em>it.</p><p>She sighed deeply before dropping her shoulders and forcing herself to relax, feeling like ten thousand pounds were weighing on her shoulders. She hated how awkward it was between them after this. After all they’ve been through, and no matter how well they get along, they still seemed to find easy ways to get into an awkward silence.</p><p>She could feel her heart beating painfully in her chest, like a thousand drums were rattling her ribcage and making her tremble on her feet. The adrenaline was running through her veins at high speeds, leading down the that nervous pit in her stomach that was reserved for nausea. She trembled, feeling her lip worry as a lump formed in her throat at the anxiety of the situation. She hated it when Chat and she were in these moments.</p><p>Her thoughts became dangerous when he still wouldn’t move behind her.</p><p><em>He probably just kissed me to not make me feel bad, </em>she thought, slouching her shoulders in defeat. <em>He’s too nice to reject or pull away from someone, especially me when I’m like this. </em>She shook her head, as if to finally grip reality again. <em>He wouldn’t want someone as damaged as me anyway. </em></p><p>The lump in her throat intensified, and she had to contort her face and bow her head down, opening her mouth to relieve some of the pressure. In an attempt to get rid of the ugly lump in her throat, she cleared her throat as best she could without sobbing. Her throat itched after that action, and she cleared her throat again to try and scratch it. It didn’t work though, so she sniffed and swallowed to try to soothe it.</p><p>The silence was suddenly broken when she heard her water dispenser on her fridge go off, and she furrowed her eyebrows in confusion. The water splashed into a glass, and she licked her lips in want of the soothing liquid.</p><p>“Hey.”</p><p>His voice was gentle which had her turning in his direction out of habit, finding him standing before her, his hand outstretched and holding a glass of water. His eyes glinted in slight hesitance as he shyly watched her, waiting for a reaction. His lips were turned upwards, holding a small, kind smile while his cheeks turned from a slight tinted pink to blushing red.</p><p>Marinette glanced back down at the glass of water he was holding out for her, and she softened at the kindness. She reached out and carefully took it from his hand, not missing the way his fingertips brushed hers for only a millisecond.</p><p>She brought the glass up to her mouth and fitted it with her lips, tilting up the glass and taking a long draw from it, relaxing as the water soothed the itch in her throat. She dropped the glass back in front of her and stared down at it for a long time. There was still half of a glass left, the water sloshing back and forth since her hands wouldn’t stay still.</p><p>She looked back up at Chat then, giving him a timid smile before offering the glass to him, gesturing for him to take it.</p><p>He hesitates, shaking his head at first before she gave him a stern look, gesturing for him to take it as well. He looked into her eyes before sighing heavily, a look that said, <em>what am I going to do with you? </em>He reached out and took back the glass before tilting it and his head back so he could swallow the water in one big gulp.</p><p>He brought it away from his lips and carefully set the glass on the countertop, looking at it as he seemed to have trouble pulling away his fingers from it.</p><p>After a long, awkward exchange of silence, he turned his piercing gaze back to her. Her eyes immediately locked with his, her heart skipping a few beats as she felt her cheeks start to burn.</p><p>She flinched when she felt his knuckle gently press against right temple, before he dragged his knuckle down the side of her face. She relaxed and leaned into his touch, closing her eyes as he placed his palm against her cheek, stroking her cheek bone with his thumb.</p><p>“Can I kiss you again?” he asked, his voice barely a whisper.</p><p>Her body faltered, her heart skipped a beat, her eyes blinked, and her breath caught. The idea of kissing him again was very flattering in her mind, the way she could finally feel him in a way she’s never felt him before. Pressed close to him and searching him in such an intimate, slow burning way as his fingertips left burn marks on her skin.</p><p>She nodded slowly at him and parted her lips as he leaned down for a second taste. His lips were gentle and soft as he pressed into her, holding her cheek and opening his mouth to capture her lips in an instantly deep kiss. She sighed against him as all her muscles relaxed, tilting her eyebrows upwards as she swooned against him, loving the feeling of his body heat warming up her own.</p><p>His lips moved in sync with hers, him taking the lead as she followed willingly. She felt her body slipping into that familiar sea of stars with him, a daze she could forever loose herself in. She was floating as she kissed him again, feeling the heat and need for him rising, but not a desperate, clawing at each other need. The need to keep him close, the need to pull him closer, the need to continue kissing him and leave her breathless.</p><p>He took hold of her waist gently as she stood up to her tippy toes, his tallness making it harder to reach his lips. She reached upwards and cupped his face, moving and following the gentle caress of his lips, his touch sending warm streams of water through her body.</p><p>But again, her brain invaded.</p><p>They’ve had similar moments like this, kissing and holding each other close, intimate boundaries being broken and shattered. As she kissed him, she found herself realizing how familiar and easy it was to recognize his gentle touch, his caressing lips, his breathless gasps against her. It was familiar, straightforward and alarming.</p><p>That’s when her anxiety crept in and she pulled away quickly, gasping and looking down at his chest instead of his piercing green eyes. His chest heaved as well; his heartbeat evident even through his super suit as it pounded against her own chest.</p><p>Although she had pulled away, she stayed in his embrace, finding it in herself to cling onto him as her anxiety formed in the pit of her stomach. She worried and bit her lip, leaning forward and pressing her forehead to his lips and trying to remember how to breath.</p><p>She couldn’t tell if she was slipping into the past or not.</p><p>“Mari?” he called, his voice causing her to slightly relax and take a deep, shaky breath. “You okay?”</p><p>She didn’t answer, instead she swallowed thickly and gripped him tighter, her hands falling to the back of his neck and on his chest. His arms slacked a little to wrap around her waist and pull her closer, her feet lifting off the ground slightly. She smiled when she realized he was trying to keep her from collapsing, which is something her kind Chat Noir would do.</p><p>“Princess,” he called again, his voice gentler this time. He rubbed her back in comfort, trying to get her attention. “Hey, you okay?”</p><p>She sighed heavily before leaning backwards, her eyes meeting his concerned ones as she studied him for a moment. He seemed unreal, his closeness, his parted, flushed lips from their intimate kissing session only moments before. The hands wrapped protectively around, practically holding up her trembling form that was so close and so entangled with his.</p><p>“Chat,” she whispered, her voice barely audible. His ears responded to his name, flicking up as well as his eyebrows as he waited patiently for her to continue.</p><p>“Yes?” he asked, after a long moment.</p><p>She pressed her lips together and rubbed the back of his neck, looking down at the hand that was pressed against his chest. She rubbed her thumb against the rough material and sighed, trying to make herself relax as the anxiety continued to creep in, making it hard for her to ask the question.</p><p>Because what if he said no?</p><p>“Is this real?” she rushed, looking back up at him as her anxiety spiked, searching for an answer.</p><p>He studied her for a moment, his gaze becoming concerned. “Are you having a blackout?”</p><p>She tried to keep her breathing in check as she stared up at him, sighing heavily as she came to a crossroads in her head.</p><p>“I don’t know,” she finally answered.</p><p>He stared down at her for a long time, giving her a sad look that she usually hated, but when it came from him, it felt good to receive the attention.</p><p>He leaned forward and pressed his forehead to hers, closing his eyes and pulling her impossibly closer. She relaxed against him and brought her hand up and cupped his jaw lightly, closing her own eyes and nuzzling the bangs covering his forehead.</p><p>“It’s real,” he said, rubbing her back affectionately as she sighed in relief. “This is real.”</p><p>Marinette almost collapsed into his embrace, and she could’ve, considering he was practically holding her up at that point. She felt so safe and secure in his arms, finding it hard to pull away and the idea being excruciating. She just clung to him tighter, pulled herself closer, and he did the same.</p><p>For a long time, they just clung to each other, enjoying the silence and comfort in each other’s arms, and feeling the buzzing electricity between them about the undecided situation they landed themselves in.</p><p>.             .             .</p><p>“Aw! C’mon My Lady! Have mercy!”</p><p>Ladybug laughed loudly as she jumped over another alleyway, the wind whipping at her hair as she flew through the air. Her feet hit the ground and she rolled forward before using the momentum she gained from the roll to begin sprinting again.</p><p>“C’mon Kitty you can catch me!” she called behind her, continuing with her teasing sprint.</p><p>“My Lady!” Chat Noir called again, his frustration both hilarious and enduring to hear.</p><p>She giggled again as she jumped another alleyway, landing and sprinting again, repeating this and using her yo-yo to swing across the streets.</p><p>“Ladybug!” Chat panted behind her, making her smirk at his fake complaining. “C’mon!”</p><p>“And risk getting caught by you? No way!” she called back, sprinting harder.</p><p>She jumped another alleyway and ran around a corner to find a chimney. She quickly ducked down behind it and tried to keep her breath steady as she listened for Chat’s nearing steps, them slowing down as he realized she was hiding.</p><p>She covered her mouth with her hand to suppress a giggle rising in her chest, and she scrunched up her eyes to contain her laughter that was bound to happen.</p><p>She heard his footsteps nearing her spot and she froze, holding her breath as he came to a stop around the corner. As long as she kept quiet, as long as she didn’t move or breath, he couldn’t possibly find her.</p><p>This cat and mouse game was getting a little insane.</p><p>“Gotchya.”</p><p>She whipped around and stared wide eyed at a tall, grinning and smug looking Chat Noir that had just snuck up behind her.</p><p>“Shit,” she said, before turning and beginning to run but it was no use.</p><p>He tumbled into her, grabbing around her waist and making her lose her balance. She shrieked when he lifted her off her feet and spun her around, his laughter loud and clear as it echoed off the sides of the buildings.</p><p>“Oh my God,” she said, when her feet hit the ground. She wiggled in his embrace, him refusing to let go. “Don’t do that!”</p><p>“But scaring you is so much fun!” he said, burying his face in her hair and she sighed heavily.</p><p>“Not to me,” she mumbled, patting his arms still wrapped around her waist from behind.</p><p>“Besides,” he continued, as if he didn’t even hear her. “I told you I would get you.”</p><p>She snorted, “Yeah, you and your long ass strides.”</p><p>Chat laughed loudly and nuzzled her neck lovingly, and she smiled at the softness. “Alright, Kitty, let me go.”</p><p>“No, I like you close.”</p><p>“Chat—”</p><p>“Stop struggling!”</p><p>She suddenly shrieked when she lost her balance, grabbing onto Chat for leverage but he yelled out when he went right on after her. They fell to the ground in an entanglement of limbs and loud groans of pain, both laughing and snorting.</p><p>“Oh jeez,” Chat said, lifting himself to his elbows over her and staring down at her, still laughing as he asked, “Are you okay?”</p><p>She giggled and rubbed the bangs out of her eyes, shaking her head as the laughter built up some more. “Yeah, I’m good.” Her little giggles slowly died down, but her smile remained when Chat pulled the rest of her hair back from her face, revealing her playfully glinting eyes.</p><p>“I didn’t hurt your stomach, did I?” Chat asked, his voice dropping to slight concern, which made her smile sweetly at him.</p><p>“No, I’m okay,” she said, searching his relieved eyes.</p><p>“Okay,” he said quietly, before reaching up stroking her stomach lightly, making her slightly tense in anticipation from possible pain, but none came.</p><p>She smiled at him widely, “You’re too concerned. I’ve taken worse hits.”</p><p>“I still don’t like it when you’re hurt,” he said, retracting his hand and leaning down.</p><p>At first, she thought he was going to kiss her, and she froze up, not expecting it. But instead, he touched noses with her and shook his head, so their noses rubbed back and forth against each other.</p><p>This surprised her so much she laughed and countered it, rubbing her nose back and forth against his as well, loving the playfulness behind Chat’s concern and attempts to make her happy.</p><p>He did make her happy, so happy in fact she couldn’t even try to push him off. Chat used to be the young boy her age she worked with to protect the city from akumas and Hawkmoth. Nowadays, she has to look at him to make sure he’s still there, she has to touch him to steady herself in any situation, and in all honesty, without him, she wouldn’t be here.</p><p>Chat Noir’s presence in her life has changed a lot, and she hoped it didn’t change back to whatever it was before. She wanted to need him like this, she wanted to be happy with him, she wanted to continue rubbing noses together and… maybe even kiss every once in a while.</p><p>The future, by all means, will not be perfect, and the road to healing was not going to be easy.</p><p>But… at least she didn’t have to do it alone anymore.</p><p>She giggled and grabbed onto his collar when he started purring, nuzzling her cheek with his in a very loving manner. She smiled and nuzzled back, closing her eyes and rubbing her hand against his chest, finding his heartbeat and feeling it pound against his suit.</p><p>He leaned back with his eyes meeting hers, staring at her in almost a drugged daze of happiness.</p><p>“Can I kiss you?” he asked quietly, like he was shy about it.</p><p>She parted her lips in a small smile and nodded, reaching behind his neck as he leaned down. His lips were like magic that opened up her airways and had her gasping against him. His lips alone could send her over the edge into an endless pit, where she would forever continue to fall for the man right in front of her.</p><p>It was gentle, his lips prodding hers open as his tongue licked her bottom lip tentatively. She opened her mouth wider in answer and felt him begin to slowly explore her mouth with his tongue. She felt like all the life was being sucked out of her in a good way and being drawn in by him. She could feel her body arching slightly at his attempt to deepen the kiss and damn, it was working.</p><p>He found her tongue eventually and gently rubbed his with hers, causing a small moan to escape the back of her throat. He smiled into the kiss and circled her tongue with his, drawing it forward and continuing to dance with it.</p><p>Although the kiss was very deep now and she felt like her soul was being touched by his, it was still a very gentle and intimate kiss. In that moment she felt very cherished and loved. Like he was trying to silently tell her that he wanted what she offered, all her little broken parts and pieces. All the shattered bitterness that would come with the package. All the scars and past pains that still lived on inside her, ruining her everyday life to the point where it’s left her in pieces.</p><p>But that didn’t stop him from kissing her again, deeper, taking one of her hands and holding it above her head, his tongue leaving her breathless as it danced with hers. </p><p>She understood now. He wanted all of it.</p><p>“Chat…” she whispered, as they parted for air, her eyes still closed since she was shy about meeting his eyes.</p><p>“My Lady?”</p><p>His voice is irresistible though. She opened her eyes and met his curious gaze, laced with concern and astonishment at her most likely ragged look. No doubt. They’re making out on a rooftop.</p><p>“Hey,” he said, his hand coming up and stroking her cheek gently. “What’s up?”</p><p>She would have continued if it weren’t for the loud crash.</p><p>Both of them jumped when the sound of glass shattering and something smashing to the ground surrounded the area. Shouting followed soon after, a group of people going back and forth with someone as they all shouted angerly.</p><p>“What was that?” Ladybug said, as Chat helped her up.</p><p>“No idea,” he said, looking off into the direction it came from, his ears twitching. He bobbed his head to the side, “This way.”</p><p>She followed him suit, nearing the sound as they jumped only down the block on top of the rooftops, coming to a stop on top of a convenience store. They looked down over the side and spotted three older men, most likely in their forties or fifties, big and burly with leather jackets and heavy scowls on their faces. They were pointing accusing fingers at two teenage boys, both of them holding grocery bags and looking terrified since the three older men had them backed against a wall. There was a shattered bottle of some sort of the ground, and two bikes were on the ground next to the boys.</p><p>Ladybug leaned forward further when she spots something on one of the older guy’s neck, a tattoo of a triangle and three dots inside it.</p><p>She scowled, “The Gubydal Gang,” she said, straightening as her face hardened. “This can’t be good.”</p><p>Chat followed her as she used one hand to jump over the side, falling only one story and landing behind the gang members with a loud <em>thud! </em>Both parties started when they heard the superheroes land on the street. They all turned in shock as the heroes approached them, walking with high chins and stern looks like they were about to scold some kids like some strict mother.</p><p>“What’s going on here?” Ladybug asked as she stopped and crossed her arms at them.</p><p>One of the gang members seemed to gather his composure by scowling heavily at her. “None of your business.”</p><p>“It is my business when you’re harassing innocent Parisians,” she said, her voice matter of fact as she lifted an eyebrow at them.</p><p>“They’re not innocent,” another one said, bald and a lot bigger than the other two. His big muscles made Ladybug froze up for a millisecond, but she easily recovered as she remembered she was a superhero and he was a man, a lot weaker than her superhero strength.</p><p>“They stole from some store,” he said, reaching out to one of the boys and grabbing one of the bags. The boy of course, resisted, resulting in the bag tearing and spilling a bunch of beer bottles on the ground, them shattering on impact.</p><p>Ladybug jumped backwards and Chat pushed her slightly back as well as one came dangerously close to her foot, shattering on the pavement as glass flew everywhere.</p><p>“Are you insane?” Chat asked, anger rising in his voice as he glared daggers at the man that ripped the bag.</p><p>The bald man ignored him and pointed an accusatory finger at the teens, his own anger shining through in all its glory. “These certified dumbasses decided to steal from a store in our part of town<em> and</em> were going to underage drink.” He turned to the teens and sneered at them, making the teen boys flinch away from his hateful gaze. “They deserve to be punished,” he said, before reaching out and grabbing one of the boy’s shirts and lifting him up to his ugly face. “We were lucky we caught them in the act.”</p><p>“Put him down,” Chat Noir said, his voice low and threatening. He stepped forward and raised his hands in an attempt to deescalate the situation. “He may not be innocent, but you have no right to harass them.”</p><p>“What?” one of the other gang members said, stepping forward with a frustrated look in his eyes. “And you guys were going to do something about it?” He snorted loudly and the other’s joined in, the man holding the boy released the teen and he stepped backwards, his friend grabbing him and pulling him away from the gang members. “If you cared enough to stick around years ago, none of this would be happening right now.”</p><p>“We are not responsible for your actions, or anyone else’s,” Chat said, fire in his eyes as he glared heavily at the gang members, daring them to challenge him. “We did our job and we left Paris as it was. What happened in the last few years is far from our fault.”</p><p>“This is just an excuse to be more of a dick you already are,” Ladybug piped in, stepping forward and crossing her arms. “You’re just digging a deeper hole for yourself when you go out at night and harass dumb teenagers when you were no different at their age.”</p><p>The gang member’s eyes darkened and that all fully turned to her, their eyes darkening in evil glares that had Ladybug faltering in her stance against them.</p><p>“You better watch your tone with me, little lady,” the larger of the three said, his tone dark and evil.</p><p>She took a step back in fear and she saw Chat step in front of her, glaring deadly daggers at the gang members who all faltered at his tall, muscular figure that shadowed over them in a terrifying sight.</p><p>“Don’t touch her,” he said darkly.</p><p>The four men had a standoff, which gave Ladybug enough time to sneak around the gang members and reach the boys, taking one of their arms and giving them an urging look.</p><p>“You’ve got to go,” she said, starting to pull him away from the scene. But the teen had other thoughts, as he suddenly ripped his arm from her grip, and she looked back at the now furious teen.</p><p>“Don’t touch me!” he yelled, anger flashing in his eyes. “Just because you got me outta this mess, doesn’t mean I’m thankful for you Ladybug. You’re worse than these guys, because you left Paris at the mercy of <em>them.” </em>He glared heavily at her, before dropping the bag in his hand, turning and grabbing his friend’s arm, then they ran off in the other direction.</p><p>Ladybug could only stare after them, even after they turned a corner and disappeared, she couldn’t look away. She was shocked, nonetheless, and for some reason, she couldn’t break herself out of it in time.</p><p>“You let them get away!”</p><p>“Ladybug! Watch out!”</p><p>She doesn’t really remember what happened after that. There was a flash of red, pain exploding on her stomach, and everything became blurry. She felt herself hit the ground hard, the air in her lungs completely gone from the impact her stomach felt just seconds before.</p><p>She couldn’t hear over the white noise; the surprise making her eyes water and soon tears spilled from her eyes as she tried to remember how to breath. She felt as it the life had been sucked out of her, the air flow and the blood becoming still, her abdomen tightening in painful throbs that wouldn’t allow her to breath.</p><p>She couldn’t even hear as everything seemed to blackout around her, and her vision was fuzzy, and everything hurt. She squeezed her eyes in an attempt to try and pop her ears, trying to hear anything around her but it didn’t work. She squirmed where she was on the ground, trying to fill her lungs with the sweet air that she could practically taste on her dry, open lips.</p><p>Something appeared in her vision and she flinched at it, seeing a dark figure in black she couldn’t recognize through the tears. She tried to scramble away but she stalled when she saw the gentle green eyes, the ones that looked panicked, worried, and concerned for her.</p><p>Chat Noir’s lips were moving, but she couldn’t hear anything as her lungs burned inside her, begging for air.</p><p>Suddenly, like a firework exploding in the sky, she felt his hand touch her side, and it was like her entire world just cracked and split open. His touch sent a shockwave through her body, shocking her so much it restarted her functions that weren’t working.</p><p>She gasped loudly and groaned as the shock ebbed and the pain moved in. Her body shuddered as it switched gears from shock to pain, a sudden change that had her dizzy and her eyes glazed over as she slowly lost sight.</p><p>“Hey, hey,” she heard a voice, a pressure on her cheek moving her head back towards his face, his eyes and face bent in concern. “You need to calm down and breath, alright? I’m right here.”</p><p>She scrunched up her face as her stomach started throbbing, sobs being forced out of her mouth even though they hurt, and she didn’t want them to come out.</p><p>She sobbed and jolted, wincing at the pain and looking down at her stomach, seeing nothing wrong with it. She dropped her head back down, Chat catching it before it hit the cement under her and gently lying it down. She felt his hand slip into hers as she jolted a few more times, every time wincing in pain.</p><p>“Ow,” she said quietly, trying to keep her breathing steady.</p><p>Chat, still mostly a ghost to her, squeezed her hand lightly and moved towards her, his arms wrapping under her and picking her up.</p><p>She flinched hard when she had to bend at her waist and pull herself up to help him hold her, using her core to pull herself up and hold herself around his neck. He held her bridal style in his arms, and even though it hurt like hell to be held like this, she liked the way she felt in his arms.</p><p>She groaned loudly as a bolt of pain jolted through her stomach and she buried her face in his neck, trying not to cry again. She tried to hold herself up more, but her shaking arms and her burning muscles refused to help her anymore, so she basically just caved in his arms.</p><p>“Relax, My Lady,” Chat spoke soothingly, nuzzling her forehead gently. “Don’t worry, I’ve got you.”</p><p>She sighed heavily and did as she was told, burying her face further into the safety of his neck. She felt more safe, relaxed, and like she could handle the pain and the emotions swirling around in her head nonstop.</p><p>But as soon as Chat tensed and jumped into the night, she immediately started crying.</p><p>Why?</p><p>Because it felt so good to be held.  </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hope you guys enjoyed! This was a very sweet chapter ya? Except towards the end there, but it's about to get a whole lot more sweeter when I post tomorrow!</p><p>Yes, I'm posting another chapter tomorrow to spoil y'all. </p><p>Check my insta for the teaser for tomorrow I'll be posting soon! @being_happy_official</p><p>Also, I posted a new song on there as well, hope you like it!</p><p>Have a great day! See you tomorrow!<br/>~Happt.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0020"><h2>20. Stay</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>After the events with the gang members, Ladybug and Chat Noir take a breather, and Ladybug makes a scary comment.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hey guys! Hope you enjoy!</p><p>Warning: Graphic descriptions of reference/want to self-harm. Please read at your own risk.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chapter 20: Stay</p><p> </p><p>Ladybug’s breathing was ragged and shallow as she leaned against the wall, her body keeling over itself as she struggled to remain conscious. Her hand was like a vice grip against Chat Noir’s shoulder, her fingers digging into the leather with alarming strength. Her other hand was pressed against her stomach, clutching at it desperately as if to shove oxygen through her body that was struggling already.</p><p>“Whoa, hey,” Chat said, pushing her slumping forward form back against the wall. Her eyes fluttered and she looked up at him, her eyes watery from pain rather than from fear now.</p><p>“Sorry,” she said, leaning forward and pressing her forehead against his shoulder.</p><p>He shook his head, “Not your fault, My Lady.”</p><p>The nickname seemed to sooth her, as she relaxed her vice grip on him and settling into his embrace a little bit easier. Instead of gripping his shoulder very tightly, she wound her fingers around to the back of his shoulder and tugged herself more up, like her own weight was too much for her.</p><p>Chat pushed his arms under her armpits and let the hook of her shoulders lean against him, so that all she had to do was keep her weight up by her legs. Although, it seemed almost impossible in that moment since she was trembling from both fear and pain as they both ricocheted throughout her body. He could practically feel the waves of ache and throbs coming off her body, even as she convulsed and shook against him, trying to force more oxygen into her already suffocated body.</p><p>He leaned down and let his lips brush her hairline, her skin hot against his lips. He pressed a gentle kiss there as he wrapped her in a tight but gentle embrace, just in case she ended up collapsing.</p><p>She gasped suddenly and groaned out loudly, her grip on him tightening and he felt his heart lurch out to her.</p><p>“Shh,” he soothed, reaching up and stroking her hair. “Calm down, it’s okay.”</p><p>Ladybug gave a deep inhale of breath, although he could tell how shallow it felt to her since her chest rattled. She pushed off him and leaned back, her eyes closed as she leaned against the wall that was right behind her, her face contorted in pain.</p><p>“It hurts, Chat,” she said, her voice trembling.</p><p>“I know,” he whispered, reaching up and stroking the side of her face gently. She opened her eyes at the gentle action and met his gaze, watching him study her in concern. “I know, but you’re gonna be okay, you hear me?”</p><p>She watched him for a long moment, her eyes hesitant and almost disbelieving. Just when he thought he was going to have to convince her, she slowly nodded while holding his gaze. She leaned forward again, and Chat reached around to hold her head as she buried her face into his neck, her eyelashes tickling his skin. Her warm breath made his skin feel hot and flushed as he closed his eyes and listened to her breath, terrified she was going to stop like she did several minutes ago.</p><p>He was the one that cried warning to her, but it seemed she heard it too late as the largest, and ugliest, of the gang members plowed his fist into her already injured stomach. She flew back several feet and landed on the pavement where the air was most likely knocked out of her again. Her wheezing was so loud he could hear it even over the white-hot anger he felt in the moments that followed.</p><p>Chat Noir, and neither Adrien, will ever be proud of the way he took down those guys. He was like a feral animal, driven by pure instinct as he grabbed, clawed, twisted and pushed those guys to the ground one by one. They were relatively huge, a lot rounder around the middle but they still sported muscles a lot bigger than the ones Chat Noir had. Even though he had super speed and strength over those guy’s heads, it doesn’t mean they weren’t capable of taking him down either.</p><p>Now that he thinks about it, they probably could if Chat wasn’t in such a white-hot anger moment.</p><p>He didn’t feel the punch until after the last gang member fell to the ground, a hot surge of pain exploding on the left side of his jaw. He doesn’t remember getting hit, but the animalistic being inside him must’ve taken the hit instead of him. The gang members were just lucky that they had the privilege of punching Chat Noir, not many get to have that experience.</p><p>Nevertheless, both Adrien and Chat Noir were going to sporting a huge bruise or maybe even a cut for the next few days. His Aunt Amelie wasn’t going to be too keen about that.</p><p>He would do it again though. If it meant his lady was in danger, he would do it again.</p><p>Chat looks down her body at her stomach. He didn’t know what he was looking for, considering he can’t see through her suit, and having that quality would suck for him and for Paris. He was blessed enough to have night vision, getting some kind of X-ray vision… well, let’s just say his preteen self would not have very good intentions with it.</p><p>He reached out to her and gently took her side, and she winced hard at the unexpected contact. He looked up at her contorted face with an apologetic expression.</p><p>“Sorry,” he said, using his thumb to gently stroke her side.</p><p>“It’s fine,” she said, opening her eyes and catching his gaze. “You weren’t the one that hurt me.”</p><p>Her hand was suddenly on top of his, and he felt a soothing warmth blossom from his hand that shot all the way his arm and into his stomach, and it pooled there in a comforting fondness he had for her.</p><p>Ladybug’s gaze turned away from him and settled on nothing to the side of them, her eyes falling sad. Her lips parted and her eyebrows furrowing as her thoughts started invading her once distracted mind.</p><p>He didn’t like the way her eyes seemed to turn foggy, so he gently shook her side which made her gasp lightly in surprise.</p><p>“You okay?” he called to her, his stomach losing the pleasant warmth and turned to an anxiety induced pool inside of him. When she didn’t answer he called out to her again, “Ladybug?”</p><p>She blinked once and looked back at him, her face still crestfallen and her saddened, darkened eyes were clouded with images of the past.</p><p>“My Lady—”</p><p>“Don’t, Chat,” she said, her voice low and sharp as she turned her gaze away from him, her eyes misting.</p><p>He followed her gaze, unable to get her contact back but he refused to accept her retreat back into her own mind. That could lead to dangerous waters he doesn’t want to test at all. One wrong move, and sharks could come up and start hounding on her, pulling her apart piece by piece and slowly tearing away her sanity until there was nothing left but a broken heart.</p><p>He wasn’t going to let her even touch those waters, so he had to bring her away from the shore that was crying her name all the time.</p><p>“Is this about what the teens said? That it’s your fault?” he asked, his eyes growing wide with concern.</p><p>She hesitated for a few seconds before nodding. </p><p>He sighed heavily and softened, stepping closer to her and finally catching her gaze. He held it for a moment until she turned her head back to him, her attention fully on him now.</p><p>He shifted his weight slightly, studying her face before speaking carefully. “Ladybug…”</p><p>She shook her head before he could even continue. “Don’t defend me, Chat.”</p><p>“They’re wrong,” he said, following her as her head rolled to the side, like she was restless and needed to get away. “It’s not your fault.”</p><p>“Yeah?” she countered, surprising him with venom in her tone. “And what if it is?”</p><p>Her voice sounded strangled by the end of that sentence and as he looked into her eyes, he saw the tears forming in the corners, threatening to fall.</p><p>He gave her a sad look, reaching up and pushing her bangs to the side. “It’s not your fault.”</p><p>“I <em>left</em> them,” she said, her words slurring as her throat tightened from the obvious sobs slowly forming in her chest. “I should’ve stayed with them. I should’ve—”</p><p>“Don’t. Stop it,” Chat said sternly, stopping her in her tracks as she looked back into his eyes. “I don’t want you thinking like that anymore.”</p><p>“Chat, it’s the truth,” she said, her mouth bending downwards as the sobs escaped her lips finally. They came out in small hiccups as she tried to force the words out. “No one cares that we came back, no one cares that we save the city every damn day. No once cares about <em>Ladybug and Chat Noir </em>anymore!”</p><p>“Shh, c’mere,” he said, gently taking the back of her head and pulling her crying face back into him. She gasped for air as he pulled her into a tight embrace, rubbing up and down her back as she finally caved and sobbed in his arms, which no doubt hurt her stomach.</p><p>“I care, My Lady,” he said quietly.</p><p>“But they don’t,” she said, her words sounding like a jumbled mess between her sobs.</p><p>“They do,” he said, still stroking her back. “If we didn’t come back, Paris would be in ruins.”</p><p>She doesn’t respond to this, instead she pushed herself more into him, grabbing onto him like he was her anchor that kept her from slipping into the past and kept her grounded in the present. He didn’t mind her vice grip on him, if she needed someone to hold onto, he would move heaven and earth to be that someone. He would rather be here, with her in his arms, than her crying alone in her room as she dealt with this alone. And she’s been doing that on her own for years.</p><p>He wasn’t going to let that happen any longer.</p><p>“No one wants me to stay.”</p><p>Chat froze at those words, his gentle touches up and down her back stopping as he listened to her next words carefully, an icy cold electric shock going through his veins.</p><p>“No one w-wants me to s-stay,” she whined, her fist tightening on his chest. She suddenly reeled back and slammed it against his chest, not hard, but enough it startled him to look down at her crippling, tiny form as she sobbed. “No one wants me to stay, Chat!”</p><p>He shushed her then, pulling her impossibly closer as she struggled to hold her own weight now. He wrapped his arms around her waist and held her close, letting her ramble into his neck as she breaks down. He didn’t understand one word that fell out of her mouth, but he did understand the trembling in her chest, the sobs that tore at her throat and the small whispers of his name that he heard over her rambles.</p><p>She was close and he shushed her quietly, trying to calm down her racing mind, which was going the same speed as her heart. He could feel her insides breaking as the tremor traveled up and down her body, waves of anxiety coiling inside her. The vicious beast inside her was making and breaking her, only to tear her down and destroy her emotions.</p><p>But he wasn’t going to let that happen. He would stand with her and hold her until she can stand on her own. He would tell her whatever she needed to hear, let her feel whatever she needed to feel, and tell him whatever she needed to say.</p><p>Ladybug fell silent some minutes later, the side of her face pressed against his chest as he continued with soothing touches up and down her back. He kissed her temple occasionally and listened to her breathing, which was shakier now as she trembled, but her chest was moving more, and her lungs were filling. She was breathing better, and he smiled fondly at her cute little sighs as she snuggled more into his chest.</p><p>He rubbed his hand up and down her back slower this time, feeling and listening to the deep breath she takes after a few moments of silence.</p><p>He sighed heavily and rested his chin on top of her head, swaying her from side to side as he waited for her to slowly calm down.</p><p>“You know,” he said carefully, listening to her gentle breathing once she calmed down. He readjusted and kissed the top of her head, “I really want you to stay.”</p><p>Ladybug didn’t say anything to this, instead he could feel a small smile tug at her lips since her cheeks pulled up against his neck and she shyly pushed her face more into his neck.</p><p>He smiled fondly at her cute reaction and held her tighter, continuing to rub soothing lines up and down her back. She seemed to like the touches, so he continued with them as she sank into his embrace and slowly relaxed in his embrace. Her nose rubbed against the crook of his neck and she inhaled deeply, before pushing out the air in her lungs. Her exhale ticked his neck, and he looked down at her, unable to see her face from the way they were hugging, but he could feel her closeness as she held onto him. The way her heartbeat was evident through her suit, matching his in a steady, slow rhythm.</p><p>“How’s your stomach?” he asked, carefully breaking the silence they had fallen into.</p><p>She didn’t answer at first, instead taking a deep, shaky breath before speaking. “It hurts,” she said, her voice still broken.</p><p>He rubbed her back one more time. “Okay, sweetheart,” he said, leaning back to look at her face, holding her cheek gently as she looked up at him through watery eyelashes. “Let’s go home.”  </p><p>.             .             .</p><p>It was a slow, impatient journey for the both of them, but eventually they did make it back to Marinette’s apartment. They both stumbled inside, Ladybug reaching out and braced the wall with one of her hands as Chat closed the window behind them.  She was still transformed, mostly because she knew she was going to collapse as soon as she lost her superhero strength.</p><p>She groaned as she turned her face more to the wall, contorting her expression as the aching never let up on her abdomen.</p><p>She felt Chat’s hand come up to touch her lower back, rubbing small, comforting circles there. She relaxed a little at his touch, finding warmth in his touch even through all the pain coursing through her body.</p><p>“You should release your transformation,” he said, his fingers finding the ends of her hair and petting it lightly in a comforting stroke.</p><p>“I’ll fall if I do,” she forced out, coughing some from the slight lack of air.</p><p>“I’ll catch you,” he said, reaching out with his other hand and wrapping it around her waist. “We should probably get some ice on you anyways.”</p><p>She sighed heavily and ignored him for a minute, still using the wall to brace herself as she refused to sink into his embrace. It was hard though, with his warm, muscular arms acting as a harness in case she really did fall over. His presence was gentle and affectionate, silently calling out for her to let herself relax against him, and honestly, it took everything in her to refuse the call of his soul.</p><p>She guessed, even after everything, she was still refusing help from him.</p><p>“You can lean on me Princess,” he called gently, his voice breaking through her walls as easily as a knife through soft butter. “I’ll hold you up.”</p><p>She was silent again for a moment as she pondered.</p><p>She sighed heavily before closing her eyes, “Spots off.”</p><p>As soon as the magic rushed off her body, peeling away the last bit of strength she had, she felt her muscles turning to jelly even before Tikki had completely left the earrings. She cried out as she collapsed, her aching body caving and falling apart. Her face fell onto his chest, and he easily caught her after her stumble, breaking her fall as he wrapped her in a tight embrace and stepping away from the wall.</p><p>She wasn’t able to hug him back, her body had gone limp as she struggled to regain her footing, but she whined loudly as she failed.</p><p>“It’s okay, I’ve got you,” he said, before releasing her with one arm and leaned down to reach her knees. He quickly picked her up bridal style, and she sighed shakily as she found his warmth again, using every ounce of strength she had to reach up and hold his neck gently, pressing her face into his warm skin.</p><p>He walked only a few steps away from where they were towards the couch before leaning down with her and setting her gently on the comfortable cushions. She shivered slightly and curled up into a fetal position, her head resting against the arm rest as Chat pulled away.</p><p>She felt his leaving presence and subconsciously reached out to him, surprising both of them when she grabbed his hand and halting him where he was. She met his glowing green eyes which were as wide as saucers above her, surprised to find him paralyzed by such a simple action.</p><p>Although, she wasn’t much different. His very gaze that was looking down at her was pining her to the cushions.</p><p>“Where—” she started to say, but she was cut off by a fit of dry coughing.</p><p>Chat shushed her gently before crouching in front of her, taking her hand more firmly and sitting there until her fit had ceased. He rubbed soothing circles onto the back of her hand as her spasms slowly came to a stop, and he sat there until she was able to breath properly again.</p><p>“I’m was gonna get you an ice pack,” he said, smiling at her kindly when she met his eyes. “I’m just going to the kitchen.”</p><p>She stared at him for a moment, hesitating to let go of his hand as he continued with gentle circles on her skin. The warmth that went up her arm felt so good and she wanted to feel it throughout her body, the warmth of his gentleness spreading through her veins. She felt as if she could live off it, and his warmth and gentleness could heal any wound.</p><p>But as her stomach ached, she felt her body silently telling her what she really needed, and it was ice in that moment.</p><p>She nodded slowly and watched him smile sadly, before squeezing her hand three times, both of them missing the meaning behind it, and straightening. He stopped for a moment as he noticed something on the back of the couch, before reaching out and taking it. He unfolded a large fluffy blanket in the air before laying it on top of her, tucking the corners around her shoulders and smiling as she snuggled into it.</p><p>Marinette’s heart warmed at the action, and it made the leaving of his close presence a little easier as he walked towards the kitchen. He shifted through a lot of things in there, from what she could hear. He opened and closed the freezer, which buzzed louder as it opened. He took out something plastic and squishy based on the noise it made as he held it in his hand and walked across the kitchen. There was a quick ripping noise from where he stood, before his footsteps were heard approaching her again.</p><p>She had closed her eyes when he left, but opened them as soon as she felt his presence close again, and she smiled lightly as he sat down next to her feet, holding an ice pack wrapped in a few paper towels.</p><p>“You doing okay?” he asked carefully, reaching out and rubbing her arm.</p><p>She nodded carefully, her heart warming again from his contact. “I’m okay,” she responded, watching his expression morph into slight relief.</p><p>Chat smiled kindly at her, the sweet smile she loved so much. It usually breaks his face when Ladybug and Chat Noir share an intimate moment, a moment just between them, or whenever she says something nice about him. It’s slightly sad to look at, because his eyes do this sparkling thing that makes it look like he’s going to cry. Sometimes he does, sometimes he doesn’t, but no matter what, it’s always a happy, relieved smile.</p><p>She loves his smile.</p><p>“C’mere, let’s get this on you,” he said, scooting closer to her and tugging on the blanket lightly.</p><p>She surrendered the warm blanket and let him peel it off her shivering body, the cold assaulting her once again.</p><p>Chat reached out to her, his clawed fingers lightly taking the hem of her shirt and fiddling with it, like he didn’t know what to do with it. His eyes looked up at her suddenly, blue and green clashing as he asked a silent question.</p><p>“It’s okay,” she all but whispered, her voice failing her.</p><p>Chat took that as an opportunity to gently take the bottom of her shirt and slowly lifted up her abdomen, exposing the bruised area.</p><p>Marinette didn’t want to look at it, so she averted her gaze towards the ceiling and instead, felt Chat’s stillness as he looked at it. She quickly realized that maybe that was worse than seeing it.</p><p>“Is it bad?” she called, her nerves jumping since it was Chat’s eyes on her rather than her own.</p><p>He was silent for a moment, and Marinette closed her eyes as she realized he was avoiding the question.</p><p>He took a steady, controlled breath as he gently took her side in his hands, the leather of his suit sending pleasurable tingles down her spine.</p><p>“It’s not awful,” he said, before carefully setting the ice pack on her stomach, making her flinch hard since she wasn’t expecting it.</p><p>“Sorry,” she said, her face reddening in embarrassment.</p><p>“You’re okay,” he said, before placing his hand over the ice pack, holding it there so it wouldn’t fall off her.</p><p>She took that moment to finally look away from the wall, casting her eyes down to his instead. She had shifted onto her back with her legs tucked under Chat’s arm as he leaned over her, using his other hand to hold the ice pack in place.</p><p>His eyes met hers gentler this time, and she smiled sweetly at him.</p><p>“Thanks,” she said, reaching down and lacing their fingers together over the ice pack, squeezing his reassuringly.</p><p>He smiles at her before lifting both their hands, twisting their laced digits around so that he could press his lips to her knuckles in a soft, gentle kiss. This has always been a symbol between them; a greeting, a farewell, a thank you, but this time, it was a silent way of saying <em>you’re welcome. </em></p><p>“Does it still hurt a lot?” Chat asked, resting their hands over the ice pack again.</p><p>She sighed heavily, considering. The aching on her belly had gone down some, and that was mostly due to the fact that she stopped moving. Her muscles were also relaxing, which meant the throbbing in her stomach was a result of her body reacting to pain.</p><p>“It’s not worse,” she explained, shifting uncomfortably. “The ice is helping a little.”</p><p>He nodded before scooting closer to her, which made her bring her legs up to rest against the back cushions, curling them next to him as he scooted closer.</p><p>“But it still hurts?” he asked, reaching up and stroking her hair lovingly as he leaned over her, his butt on the edge of the couch and right next to her waist.</p><p>She stared at him for a moment, feeling a slight blush coming up her cheeks from how close he was to her as he continued stroking her hair, waiting patiently for an answer.</p><p>She nodded a little before flinching as a shock of pain suddenly bolted through her body, and she whined.</p><p>“Hey, it’s alright,” he soothed, letting his hand drop to her face and stroking her cheek gently. “We’ll keep the ice on it for now then we’ll put some heat on it. You have a heating pad?”</p><p>She grew a guilty look on her face as she remembered only a few weeks ago, in her hour of need, she had found the cord to her heating pad, nearly torn, with wires on the inside hanging out. That was an emotionally draining day.</p><p>“The cord broke the last time I used it,” she said, carefully saying her words.</p><p>Chat’s eyebrows shot up in slight alarm. “Oh, alright, we’ll just—” he glanced behind her and his eyes brightened as he got an idea. “What about a shower?” he asked, taking her hand again and carefully lacing it.</p><p>Marinette hesitated, “Why would a shower work?”</p><p>“Warmth eases pain, and I’m thinking it could help you,” he said, rubbing small circles on the back of her hand.</p><p>Marinette felt anxiety coiling up in her lower stomach, adding to the aching pain that bloomed on her abdomen. Images of red, black, and several other traumatic scenes flashed before her eyes, and she felt the past calling out to her from the back of her mind. Waves brushed her ankles, and she squirmed where she lay, restless as the images came flooding.</p><p>“Um,” she said, squeezing her eyes shut to push the memories back. “W-What about… the-the—”</p><p>“Hey, whoa, calm down,” Chat said, his voice making her stall her breathing slightly as she felt his knuckle tracing her jaw. “Focus on me, darling.”</p><p>She did, and she would be lying if it wasn’t working. His gentle touch was sending signals down her body and too her brain, telling it to calm down and focus on anything but the glass island she was stuck on. Anything besides the waves that were slowly starting to creep up on her, ready to drown her and scream at her to join the currents below.</p><p>His eyes stayed locked on hers, his knuckle against her jaw proving to be effective as he continued the gentle stroking, and soon, the waves calmed.</p><p>The best part about it? Well, she didn’t even notice when the waves calmed.</p><p>“I took care of it,” he said, his voice a whisper as he continued his touches, sending tingling shivers down her spine that made her heart grow warm. “It’s safe to go in there.”</p><p>Marinette avoided any and all thought of what she had done in there, and what Chat Noir had so graciously cleaned for her. An overwhelming fondness and affection came crashing down on her, crushing her heart into little pieces as she stared up at this wonderful man. Her heart soured and broke at the same time, wanting nothing more than to kiss him right there and claim him to be hers.</p><p>She wanted nothing more, and all she had to do was ask. But really, she was absolutely awful at asking for any kind of help.</p><p>She took a deep breath and nodded finally, “Okay,” she said, smiling gratefully. “Thank you.”</p><p>He smiled back at her, “Of course, My Lady.”</p><p>It was a challenge getting off the couch, but luckily, she didn’t have to do it alone. As she struggled from the cushions holding her down, Chat had gently taken her hands and tugged her up, resulting her into falling into his arms. Neither of them minded, but she obviously pulled away first because of her massive awkwardness with these kinds of situations.</p><p>Chat walked backwards holding her hands while encouraging her to take one step at a time, which wasn’t hard, but she didn’t tell him to stop. She liked the sound of his voice, and she would be lying if she didn’t grow a small smile whenever he called her “darling” or “sweetheart.” The little name calling was endearing, and she laughed whenever he would pop in a little “Princess,” or, even better, “My Lady,” which has always been her secret favorite.</p><p>Of course, she would never tell him that, because that would add to his ego, but she did treasure every time he’d call her every single one of them.</p><p>When they reached the bathroom, Marinette stepped in first, flinching when she turned on the light and the brightness assaulted her eyes. She was kind of glad for the distraction, because it gave her an excuse now to look around and try to glance at something red. But even as her eyes betrayed her and looked for any evidence of the night before of her episode, she saw none.</p><p>She turned and smiled at Chat, a silent thank you.</p><p>He stood there with his arms crossed and leaning against the door frame, his eyes watching her carefully as he pressed his lips together. He nodded in an acceptance of her quiet thank you.</p><p>“Um,” she said, breaking the silence as she glanced between Chat and the hallway. “Could… I have a little privacy?”</p><p>His eyes suddenly widened, and his cheeks flushed with color, and she would have thought it was adorable if hers weren’t exploding with heat all the same.</p><p>“Oh! Right uh,” he glanced at her then he looked downwards, his eyes settling on something as his face fell. “Mari… I-I don’t think I should leave you alone.”</p><p>Curious, Marinette glanced down herself, catching sight of her arms. Suddenly she remembered, not that she’s forgotten, but her mind just reminded her why exactly Chat didn’t like to leave her alone. She’d forgotten sometime today, which is a good thing and it’s because he stayed here all day, distracting her and trying to make her smile and make the pain a little more bearable.</p><p>The bandages were hard to see if you weren’t looking for them, but under her sleeves she could see the outline of the wrapping that covered and protected her wounds.</p><p>“Oh,” was all she said, feeling like she had just cut through ice. “I guess you’re right,” she said, dropping her arms back down to her sides and looking back at him with a heavier expression. Her fingers started twitching along with her nerves as she carefully pushed out her question, “So, what do we do?”</p><p>Chat stared at her for a long moment, his eyes studying her carefully like he was considering this as well. The only thing moving in that moment was his chest, where his breathing was deep and shaky, yet controlled.</p><p>Marinette could feel her heartbeat pounding in her ears as Chat slowly pushed himself off the door frame, approaching her slowly like he was nearing an injured animal. Without speaking, he carefully stepped into her space and took her left hand, lifting it up so that he could look at her covered arm. He took the end of the sleeve and brought it over the edge of the bandage, before carefully tugging it over the wrapping, making sure not to get the fabric caught.</p><p>He then took the tape that was wrapped around her arm to hold the bandage in place and gently peeled it off her skin, looking up at her face and making sure it wasn’t hurting her. When he knew it was practically harmless, he tore the rest of it off and delicately lifted up the bandage, before tossing them in the trash nearby.</p><p>“Don’t look at them,” he said quietly, lifting her chin so her gaze met his. “Just look at me, okay?”</p><p>She nodded as he set to work on her other arm, doing the same thing and unwrapping the bandages with gentleness and ease.</p><p>She watched his focused face the entire time, admiring the way his eyebrows under his magical mask seemed to be molding with his facial expressions. His eyes were glowing and concentrated while his mask bent along with his eyebrows as he put all his energy into not hurting her. She liked the way his lips pressed together in a thin line then relaxed when he pulled another strand of tape off her arm, like he was relieved it didn’t hurt her.</p><p>“Okay,” he said, as he peeled away the last piece of her bandage and threw it away. He cast his gaze away for a moment before settling on her arms again, and she still couldn’t see them.</p><p>“What do they look like?” she asked, her voice almost a whisper.</p><p>He glanced up at her for a moment before gently taking her right arm as he inspected it, her eyes remaining on his face while he did so.</p><p>“They’re healing,” he said quietly, twisting her arm to look at more of her damaged skin. “They’re scabbing right now, and I think they’ll start to ich soon. Whatever you do don’t scratch or pick at them, you could reopen them.”</p><p>She nodded, “Okay.”</p><p>Chat glanced up at her and softened when he noticed something, she didn’t realize she was doing.</p><p>She was crying.</p><p>He hushed her gently before taking her face as she sobbed lightly, which created a spasm of pain that erupted from her stomach and throughout her body.</p><p>“Ow,” she said quietly.</p><p>“Shh,” he said quietly, before pressing his lips on the spot between her eyebrows, then resting his forehead against hers. “You’re okay, Princess. I’m here.”</p><p>She nodded in response, unable to speak as she reached up and grabbed his wrists, anchoring herself to him. She leaned into his touch, opening and closing her mouth to avoid another sob, but the tears still flowed and the pain in her stomach now was multiplied by the numbness in her chest.</p><p>Unable to feel anything else besides physical things, she stayed close to him, listening to his pointless claims that she’s going to be alright, that she’s okay, that everything was going to work out. She knew none of that was true even when it came from him. She knew none of this was going to end good, but she didn’t tell him to stop.</p><p>His voice and his touch were the only things keeping her grounded in that moment, and she was going to hang on until she couldn’t.</p><p>Chat pulled back once her small sobs turned to delicate sniffles, looking at her face and wiping her tears away as she cried. He kindly smiled at her before giving her another peck on her forehead, before letting go of her.</p><p>“I’ll close the door a little bit so you can change and get in,” he said, smiling as he took the doorknob. “You can call me back in if you want to.”</p><p>She nodded at him once as he shut the door, leaving only a crack open.</p><p>Marinette took a shaky breath in as she reached for her shirt, careful not to look down at her arms as she pulled it over her head. She was crying again as she tore her clothes off, trying desperately not to hurt herself as the waves clawed at her ankles, threatening to drown her. She was positive Chat could hear her on the other side of the door but respected her privacy as he listened for any indication that she was in danger.</p><p>She stood there in the middle of the bathroom for a moment, naked, and hugging herself as she struggled with herself. She felt alone, so alone, so gone as the waves covered her ankles and tugged her lightly, trying to pull her under, but she still resisted.</p><p>She gasped lightly as she forced herself to move, sucking in a heavy breath and pushing it harshly out. She furiously wiped away her tears and moved towards the shower, before getting in and shuffling towards the faucet. When she turned on the water, she waited until it was warm before turning on the shower head, and a stream of water shot down onto her skin.</p><p>Surprisingly, all the pain, eased a little.</p><p>But only a little.</p><p>“Mari?” she heard his voice call out to her over the sound of the shower. “You okay?”</p><p>She didn’t know how to respond.</p><p>“Mari,” his voice again, gentler this time, but there was an obvious tremor in it. “I need you to answer me if you can.”</p><p>She took a breath as her brain jump started again. “I’m okay,” she mumbled with a trembling voice.</p><p>There was a short pause.</p><p>“Are you sure?”</p><p>She squeezed her eyes shut and contorted her face, trying to resist the painful sob that was building inside her chest. Trying to resist the memories that were slowly crawling up her legs, waves of black water filled with the blood of her murdered past. Everything inside her was burning. Burning for something.</p><p>Just… burning.</p><p>“Chat,” she called out, her voice barely audible to her own ears. “Chat… I want to hurt myself.”</p><p>There wasn’t much of an audible answer except the crumpling of plastic, and she turned around curiously to see what was causing the noise.</p><p>She shrieked as Chat entered the shower, his eyes locking with hers.</p><p>“Chat!” she cried, desperately trying to cover her intimate places with her hands and arms. “What the hell—”</p><p>“I’m not looking,” he said, stepping close to her and taking her face gently. “Just focus on me, alright?”</p><p>Her face reddening by the second as she came down from her initial shock, she felt the embarrassment slowly creeping into her chest at their current predicament.</p><p>She looked down and looked at his collar, small droplets of water splatter across the thick leather of his suit. Her eyes were as wide as saucers as she tried to force her brain to work, but as she stared at his collar longer, she became more and more embarrassed.</p><p>“Chat, I-I can’t really—I-I’m—”</p><p>“I know,” Chat said, his voice deep and shaky, sounding like he was just as nervous as she was. “I know, just look at me, okay? I swear, I’m not looking.”</p><p>“Why did you get in?!” she suddenly cried, pulling back and looking at him incredulously. “You scared the shit outta me Chat!”</p><p>His eyes were sad as he continued to hold her, reaching up and stroking her bangs away form her eyes. “I’m sorry,” he said, his voice gentle.</p><p>“Why did you get in with me?” she questioned again, watching his reaction.</p><p>He stared at her for a long time, his finger stalling on her forehead as he locked eyes with her, making her still under his gaze.</p><p>“Instinct,” he said, pulling her closer again, until her chin was pressed against his shoulder, and he wrapped his arms around her back. “You scared me Princess.”</p><p>She softened slightly as she finally sank into his embrace, bringing her arms up and wrapping them around his shoulders. She shuffled closer to him and buried her face into his neck, which was warm and moist with the steam in the air.</p><p>“Thank you for telling me,” he said, his voice tight as he held her, and she felt a slight tremor erupt in his chest, and she held him tighter. “Please keep telling me these things, okay?”</p><p>She nodded against him, “Okay.”</p><p>He held her like that for a long time, until the water was running cold and she still didn’t let go of him. She needed him close in that moment, and she was so thankful that he was willing to be this close with her as well.</p><p>“Please stay!” she suddenly cried, erupting into painful sobs as she gripped him tighter, trying to make him stay, trying to hold onto him as she broke down even more.</p><p>He hushed her gently, “Calm down, My Lady, it’s okay,” his gloved hand rubbed up and down her back, soothing the pain of all different kinds furiously attacking her body.</p><p>“Don’t worry, My Lady, it’s okay.”</p><p>Was it?</p><p>“Cause, I’m not leaving.”</p><p>
  <em>I’m staying. </em>
</p><p>Maybe this was okay.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hope you guys enjoyed! I'm not posting tomorrow because this was just a two day thing I did to thank my 207 followers on instagram!! Thank you guys so much!!</p><p>Insta: @being_happy_official</p><p>See you next time!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0021"><h2>21. Trust</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Chat Noir and Marinette bond once again, and Adrien meets an unexpected old friend.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Warning: Light reference/descriptions of self-harm</p><p>Intimacy in this chapter!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chapter 21: Trust</p><p> </p><p>The moonlight streamed in through her bedroom window, the late-night hours mocking Marinette with their beauty and their teasing. Everything around her was quiet, including the kitten laying behind her with his arm under her head, acting as a head rest. She was holding his hand next to her head, her fingers lazily clasped around his relaxed digits.</p><p>He was warm, and his quiet breathing danced off the back of her neck, occasionally blowing away her hair and delicately touching her skin. She shivered every time it did.</p><p>The bed was tiny, so there wasn’t much they could do for personal space. Although, despite that Marinette preferred to have her own space, considering she likes to sleep like a spider, all sprawled out and drooling, she liked his closeness. His chest was pressed against her back, the t-shirt he was wearing being the only barrier between her skin and his. She was wearing a shirt as well, but it was thin and light, making it feel like she wasn’t wearing anything.</p><p>The fact that she was in really short pajama shorts wasn’t helping either.</p><p>Her stomach ached with unpleasant warmth coursing through her innards. Her muscles were tight and sore from landing hard on the pavement, most likely injuring her back as well since it was aching just as much. Her lungs hurt, like she’s just tried to run a full mile in a sprint, and that was from the excessive breathing and the labored breaths.</p><p>She shifted uncomfortably, her arm falling asleep under her. She yanked it from under her weight and shifted closer to the edge of the bed, trying let it hang over the side. She pulled it back two seconds later because she had the irrational fear of something crawling up under her bed and grabbing her.</p><p>She twisted slightly and shifted to her other side, coming face to face with Chat, whose eyes were closed, and his face was relaxed. She stalled for a second, watching him sleep peacefully, envying his ability to fall asleep. His mask was fitted perfectly over his eyes but showed just enough of his under eye that she spotted the shadows there.</p><p><em>He must’ve had a long day before he came and saw me, </em>she thought, somehow spotting the dark circles under his eyes in the awful lighting.</p><p>She searched his relaxed face before scooting forward ever so slightly, trying her best not to wake him. She tentatively tucked her head into his neck and loosely hung onto the front of his shirt, trying to keep him there even though he said he wasn’t leaving.</p><p>She took a deep breath and pushed it out quietly when she inhaled his warm, comforting scent. His presence next to her was practically glowing with warmth, and she wanted to inhale as much of it as she could.</p><p>She shifted slightly closer to him but that’s when he inhaled sharply, before groaning.</p><p>“Sorry,” she mumbled, as his tired eyes fluttered open and landed on her.</p><p>“What’s wrong? You okay?” he asked, his voice thick with sleep.</p><p>She swallowed hard at the sound of his deep, tired voice, finding it very attractive.</p><p>“Um,” she said, before pinching her arm to snap her out of it. “Yeah, I’m okay.”</p><p>His eyes furrowed slightly in concern as he brought a hand up and gently rubbed her bicep. His skin felt good on hers, and the warmth it brought was enough for her to relax and drop her head onto the pillow again.</p><p>“Can’t sleep?” he asks, his voice still deep and thick.</p><p>She sighed heavily before avoiding his gaze, her voice coming out cracked and broken as she answered him. “Not really,” she said, looking back up at him. “Sorry that I woke you.”</p><p>“No, you’re fine,” he said, before stalling to take a large yawn. “What’s up?”</p><p>She stared up at him for a moment before looking back down at his chest, a safer area to look at than his prying eyes. He was really good at prying her open, making sure not to hurt her but at the same time, wanting to see these ugly broken parts of her.</p><p>She didn’t understand it sometimes. Which makes her the bad guy because, really, she didn’t deserve this angel, especially with how gentle he is.</p><p>“My stomach hurts,” she said, shifting uncomfortably under his patient gaze. “It’s making it hard to relax and sleep.”</p><p>Chat studied her face for a moment, his eyes laced with concern for her. He hesitantly reached out to her and gently took her side, shifting backwards to cast his eyes down to her stomach. She watched him as he did so, caught between telling him he probably can’t see through her shirt and staying silent, because she liked his eyes on her.</p><p>Chat’s thumb smooths against her shirt lightly, moving the fabric with his movements as he physically comforted her. His hand moved from her side to her abdomen, and her insides completely melted when his fingers gently touched where her muscles ached.</p><p>“Here?” he asked, looking up at her.</p><p>She stared at him, her body rigid. “Y-Yeah,” she somehow forced out.</p><p>He looks down at her stomach again, and his fingers gently tapped her abdomen in gentle movements, sending pleasant signals down her spine.</p><p>“Can I try something?” he asked, his eyes meeting hers once again in question.</p><p>Marinette nodded slowly, “Yeah, sure.”</p><p>Chat hesitated before moving, using his arm to push himself up to a sitting position. At first, she thought he was leaving the room, and she panicked, grabbing his hand out of instinct.</p><p>Both of them flinched at the action, and Chat looked up into her embarrassed eyes as her cheeks flushed.</p><p>“I’m not going anywhere, Princess,” he said, his voice quiet as he smiled at her.</p><p>She hesitated, liking the feeling of his hand in hers before she finally let go of his hand, letting it slip through hers. She embarrassingly brought her hand to her chest and tucked it there, avoiding his gaze as he lingered where he was for a moment.</p><p>“Can you lie on your back?” he asked, obviously struggling to keep his voice steady.</p><p>Her eyes snapped to his as her heartbeat quickened.</p><p>“I’m not going to do anything,” he said, his voice calmer.</p><p>She hesitated, shifting uncomfortably before she rolled onto her back, intentionally using her arms to cover her breasts through the thin shirt she was wearing.</p><p>She watched with a skipping heartbeat as Chat shifted closer to her legs, before taking one of her knees in his hands and gently tugging it away from her other, tightly clenched one. She trusted him though, hesitating again before relaxing her leg when he gave her a patient look, then he scooted in between her legs.</p><p>Her entire body exploded with warmth when he leaned over her, her legs on either side of his hips as he leaned closer, using his forearms to hold himself above her. His face was very close to hers, and her eyes widened when his green eyes met her blue ones, her cheeks exploding with color.</p><p>With her nerves rising even more, she hesitantly cast her eyes down in between their very close bodies, his stomach touching hers, and his chest still far above hers. However, the heat pooling just below her abdomen was very present, and so was the very thing causing it.</p><p>“Hey, look at me.”</p><p>His voice had cut across the heat of the moment and she glanced up at him, her cheeks reddening even more as his eyes met hers again. Nothing about his gaze was lustful, or in need at that moment, everything about his gaze was gentle and quiet. His vibrant green eyes pined her to the bed more than his body was at the moment, and yet, she didn’t feel trapped.</p><p>In fact, she wanted him somehow closer.</p><p>Her face reddened even more at the thought.</p><p>“Relax, okay?” he said, his face bending into a kind smile that had her insides melting. “I’m not gonna do anything.” His fingers found her hip and gently traced tiny circles on her hip bone, which made her shiver slightly under him.</p><p>She stared up at him for a long time, opening and closing her mouth as she pondered.</p><p><em>Trust him, </em>she thought to herself before slowly nodding.</p><p>Chat nodded at her as well, before smiling down at her, his kind grin making her heart melt.</p><p>Again, she didn’t deserve this angel.</p><p>Chat took her right arm, which was still covering her breasts along with her other arm, and gently tugged it away from her body. She didn’t even realize how tight her grip was on herself until he pried her arms off her, and gently took her right hand. She was scabbing, so they had decided not to bandage her up tonight, considering they were annoying.</p><p>He intertwined their fingers together, being mindful of her injured palm as well as he gently stroked her knuckles. He brought their locked hands up to his lips and pressed a gentle kiss on her knuckles, before carefully unlacing their hands and holding her wrist gently. He then goes to press a gentle kiss to each pad of her fingers, gently showing them love before dropping to her palm.</p><p>The kiss he placed there was a lot gentler, as he placed it right on top of her cut. His lips merely brushed her skin, the scabbed line brushing against his soft lips before he kissed it again.</p><p>She shivered at the intimate touch, watching as he continued with his gentle kisses down her arm, placing a delicate kiss on each cut of her right arm. He kissed the furthest cut from her hand before moving back up to her wrist, before kissing her sweet spot there, where her erratic heartbeat was evident.</p><p>“You okay?” he whispered to her, readjusting to his other arm.</p><p>She nodded slowly at him, her eyes staying locked on him. She could feel the little traces of happy tears behind her lids and in the corners of her eyes, but she swallowed them back and watched him take her other arm with his other hand and do the same thing.</p><p>He gently pressed his lips to her knuckles before moving to her fingers, kissing them gently. His lips brushed the pads of her fingers, intimacy sparking between them as she struggled to hold back tears. The amount of affection she was being buried in was overwhelming, and it took everything in her power to not cry as he did this. Because if she cried, he would stop, and she didn’t want him to stop.</p><p>He was kissing her darkness, gently laying some beauty over it. Beauty that could only come from the intimate nature of two people that trusted each other. Trusted each other to the point where it was no longer trust, but a bond, an unbreakable bond of affection, and yes, love.</p><p>“Hey,” he said, his voice quiet as he looked into her watering eyes. “You don’t need to cry sweetheart.”</p><p>She inhaled deeply and pushed out a shaky breath, deciding not to trust her voice right now.</p><p>“Can I do one more thing?” he asked, his hand coming up and taking the hem of her shirt, fiddling with it. His eyes stayed locked on hers, and she refused to leave his gaze, knowing exactly what he was implying.</p><p>She slowly nodded at him, trusting him.</p><p>He kept his eyes on her before lifting the bottom of her shirt up, exposing her bruised stomach and stopping just under her breasts.</p><p>“What are you gonna do?” she asked quietly, her voice thick with emotion.</p><p>He looked up at her, smiling kindly. “Do you trust me?”</p><p>She paused before nodding slowly.</p><p>He gently took her sides in both of his hands, holding eye contact with her as he slowly leaned down. “Then trust me, Princess.”</p><p>She watched him as he leaned down and pressed his lips to her skin gently, her gasping at his contact. She arched slightly into his touch and closed her eyes, the heat below her abdomen increasing tenfold. His breath was hot on her skin as he carefully pecked the skin of her abdomen, the intimate action causing her heartbeat to jump in her chest.</p><p>“Chat,” she breathed, his lips travelling further up her torso.</p><p>“Relax, My Lady,” he purred against her skin, his voice thick. “I’ve got you.”</p><p>She lost herself in the sensation as he slowly pressed more kisses up her torso, her breathing becoming labored as he neared intimate places. She forced herself to relax as he rubbed a hand up and down her side, affection in the gesture helping her to relax, and trust him. Heat was pooling beneath her surface and she was unable to control her physical reaction, but in that moment, she wasn’t worried about it.</p><p>Nothing that he was doing was implying he wanted to go further. He was sweet, caring and very slow with his actions as he kissed up her torso. The gesture was overwhelming her heart so much her insides were melting, and she felt like she had to catch her breath after every kiss he placed on her stomach.</p><p>He wasn’t rushing her, he wasn’t frantically clawing at her clothes, he wasn’t even asking her if she wanted to go further. She wasn’t turned on because of the position the were in, or the implication behind the gesture, or even how hot her room was getting as a want built beneath the surface.</p><p>She was turned on from his gentle nature, not taking advantage of her, and just trying to make her feel good without sexual relations. She was turned on by how his hands gently held her sides, not holding her down, but cradling her as if she were a treasure, he had long lost but found. She was turned on because he was being intimate with her, without seeing her fully.   </p><p>Intimacy doesn’t mean seeing someone physically vulnerable, intimacy is about being vulnerable with someone. Whether that be physically, mentally, emotionally, or thoughtfully, it doesn’t matter. Intimacy is being vulnerable, and Marinette was lucky enough to be intimate with him.</p><p>Chat’s kisses slowed when he reached just before the valley of her breasts, stopping there as to not uncover her fully. Her heart was racing so fast she was positive he could hear it, or even feel it. He gave her one last loving, lingering kiss to her diaphragm, where the main muscle was to help her breathing, as if he were thanking it that it kept her alive before he leaned back. </p><p>He met her hazy eyes when he did, their faces not far apart from each other. Her entire body had melted after the gentle encounter that she was hardly aware of how exposed she was at the moment. The funny thing about that is that she didn’t care.</p><p>Because she trusted him.</p><p>“You okay?” he asked, his voice a whisper.</p><p>She nodded immediately, smiling up at him with watery eyes.</p><p>He noticed and leaned down, placing a delicate kiss on her forehead. The action calmed her racing heart, melting everything inside her enough that she was able to reach up and rub his side affectionately.</p><p>He didn’t move away when he pulled from the kiss, instead he pressed his forehead against hers. They shared a long moment of silence, of tranquility that she felt she could soak in forever. Being with Chat Noir was like swimming in a hot lagoon with no one around, naked, with smiles on their faces. Being intimate with him on the beach while no one watched. It was magical, and yet, nothing about this felt sexual or rushed.</p><p>Maybe that’s why she loved it so much.</p><p><em>Him, </em>she corrected, smiling to herself. <em>That’s why you love </em>him <em>so much. </em></p><p>“Can I have you?” Chat whispered, his voice breaking the tranquil dream.</p><p>Marinette paused, considering the question. She knew what he was asking, and she knew what she wanted, but she wasn’t sure if he was thinking right. This didn’t sound like something he would want, something with her, something so intimately powerful between them. A relationship, a bond of trust, and possibly falling in love.</p><p>She leaned back and he did the same, only enough to look into his eyes. “Are you sure you want this?” she asked, her voice also a whisper.</p><p>“I want you,” Chat said back, staring into her eyes. “My Lady, I’ve always wanted you.”</p><p>A warmth spread through her chest, a want to have him, a want to be called his. A want to be his lady, and the nickname finally means what she would kill for.</p><p>To be his.</p><p>Marinette stared up at him for a long moment, before smiling up at him, a small spark of hope igniting inside her chest as relief slowly swallowed her.</p><p>“Okay,” she said, taking his hand in hers. “I’m yours.”</p><p>The kiss that followed was gentle, but playful and lighthearted nonetheless, one that had her giggling against his moving lips, both their hearts jumping for joy.</p><p><em>Please, </em>she begged the universe or whatever God was out there. <em>Please, just let me have this. </em></p><p>.             .             .</p><p>“If you stare at them long enough, maybe the hot girl behind the counter will just give it to you.”</p><p>Adrien sneered at his kwami, currently tucked away from the world in the confines of his over shirt as he snickered.</p><p>“C’mon, don’t even deny that she’s been watching you like a hawk,” Plagg said, his voice laced in sarcasm and, obviously, the teasing tone the kwami is known for.</p><p>Adrien scoffed lowly before shoving his hands deep into his pockets, staring almost defectively down at the glass casing holding the beautiful gems.</p><p>“As if,” Adrien finally retaliated. “It’s not like she’s into me.”</p><p>“What about these pieces?” The girl that has been helping him with long dark brown hair and a dazzling smile walked up, holding a large, cushioned tray with several different charms hooked around long chains, necklaces. “These are some of our finest silver neck charms, especially with what you’re looking for. Most of the chains are pure silver, and each charm is silver covered, which means they’re dipped in silver after being molded from some kind of metal.” She gestured towards the left side of the tray, “These here are the single diamond ones, charms with on single diamond in them, and these”—She gestured at the right side— “Are the less expensive ones, which means no diamonds.”</p><p>“I’m just looking for something simple, these look great,” he looked up at her and smiled kindly. “Thank you.”</p><p>She gave him a brilliant, blinding smile before moving to leave, but not before speaking. “Anytime, Mr. Agreste,” she said, giving him a sly grin. “Just let me know if you <em>need </em>anything.” Then, she walked away, winking at him before helping an older couple a few yards away.</p><p>“You are the most oblivious person in this entire world,” Plagg said, his voice making Adrien jump a little. “No wonder it took so long for you to figure out who Ladybug is.”</p><p>“Shut up, Plagg,” Adrien said, lightly flicking his overshirt where the kwami was, but no hard enough to actually hurt him.</p><p>He should’ve known the kwami would scratch his side. He jumped hard and yelped in surprise, jumping away from the case, about ready to give Plagg a piece of his mind when—</p><p>“Adrien?”</p><p>Said person turned around in surprise, finding the most unexpected person there, staring back at him with an amused gaze.</p><p>“Alya,” he said, raising his hand to the back of his neck, a nervous tick he did when he’s surprised. “H-Hi,” he said, then cringed at how awkward he sounded.</p><p>But hey, it’s hard to come down from a miniature bicker argument with his sarcastic kwami then get jumped by someone he hasn’t seen in about five years. He was shocked, nonetheless, and he was surprised he hasn’t come up with a better response than just a stuttering hello.</p><p>“Agreste,” Alya greeted in response, her tone slightly playful but also professional. A friendly greeting, it’s not like they were ever close. “What are you doing here?”</p><p>“I could ask you the same thing,” he said, finally dropping his hand.</p><p>“Yeah, but I asked first,” she said, crossing her arms and giving him a grin.</p><p>Adrien smiled back at her, “You were always quite the reporter.”</p><p>“Still am,” she said, before gesturing for him to continue. “Now spill.”</p><p>“I’m here looking around for my… for my friend,” he said, cringing at his words. He’d almost said girlfriend, but it felt a little too early to say that, right? It’s only been a few days since that night in her apartment, after that patrol that had gone very wrong.</p><p>“What about you?” Adrien asked, pushing aside his excited thoughts about the certain someone. “Why’re you here?”</p><p>She smiles lightly, a glint in her eyes shining. “Same as you. Just looking around.”</p><p>“Ah,” he said, smiling at her. “And this has nothing to do with Nino?”</p><p>“Honestly, Agreste, if you’re really just going to stand there and accuse me of exactly what I’m doing…” she gave him a sour look, before flipping her hair back over her shoulder. “Then you’d be very right.”</p><p>Adrien chuckled, “Then it’s safe to say you guys are still together?” He already knew this from his visit with Nino a few weeks ago, but he wanted to keep the obvious tension from reaching them as much as possible.</p><p>Alya’s face brightened, “Yeah, we’re still together, uh,” she shifts hesitantly, a light blush lighting up her face. “He’s not here, it’s just me.”</p><p>“Oh,” he said, genuinely surprised. “Then… what are you...?”</p><p>Alya smiled almost knowingly, “It’s been a little too long to start asking such personal questions, don’t you think?” she said, meeting his eyes in a challenging gaze.</p><p>Adrien took the hint and huffed lightly, surprised by the familiarity of the phrase. It reminds him a lot of the early days of Ladybug and Chat Noir, when he was merely a pre-teen, and how much she refused to answer all his personal questions.</p><p>“I guess you’re right,” he said, leaning his hip on the counter in a casual way. “How’ve you been?”</p><p>“Good,” she said, sighing heavily as she moved towards the counter as well, placing a hand on the glass. “Busy as ever, with my job, and the paper and Nino,” she shakes her head before looking back at him, her eyes softening. “What about you? How’re you been?”</p><p>Adrien swallowed a lump in his throat, the reminder of how hard the last five years were, which is what she was referring to, most likely. He was mostly fine, still holding a grudge, but not large enough to do something with it. He’s mostly a wreck because he’s constantly worrying about Marinette, and especially with what he found in her apartment a few nights ago… well, he wouldn’t say he’s okay either.</p><p>“I’m… doing alright,” he said, casting his gaze down to avoid her disbelieving eyes. “I’m stressed with the Agreste fashion company, the brand’s barely holding on by a thread.”</p><p>Alya laughed, which he was surprised to hear, but she relaxed into the simple conversation easier afterwards. “Well, you never were a businessman, Agreste.”</p><p>“I appreciate the compliment of me being a man, but I am definitely not one of business,” he said, laughing dryly as he turned his gaze to the countertop, pressing his lips together.</p><p>Maybe he should drop the company.</p><p>“Why do you do it then?” she pries, stepping closer to him.</p><p>He eyed her for a moment, pausing to look for the right answer—the truth, so to speak. He could practically feel the cloud hanging over his head, and he grimaced at the bitterness it held. All the hatred towards his father and what he did, the hatred towards his name and the company, even to himself sometimes, for being an irresponsible partner, and never noticing his lady’s pain.</p><p>Yeah, that definitely took the cake.</p><p>“Because everyone expects me to,” he said, finally answering. “It’s like… I owe the company something. Like I owe someone… something.”</p><p>Alya watched him for a moment, “Is it because of your father?”</p><p>“This has nothing to do with my father,” he snapped, gritting his jaw.</p><p>“Okay, no need to get testy,” she said, her eyes softer than her voice. “Do you think everyone expects you to take the throne of this multimillion-dollar company because… they think you owe something to your father?”</p><p>Adrien shook his head, his frustration rising. “That’s how my not so subtle Aunt Amelia and Felix put it, yeah.” He sighed heavily and rubbed a hand up and down his face, “It’s a horrible topic to discuss in a jewelry store, don’t you think?”</p><p>“Yeah,” Alya agreed, eyeing him sympathetically. “I’m sorry for bringing it up.”</p><p>He shook his head again, “It’s not your fault, I’m just…” he trailed off, listening to the boiling rage in his chest rising angrily, and it took everything in him not to break the glass counter. “I’m just… I don’t like talking about it.”</p><p>“Noted,” she considered, and he felt the topic settle to unresolved, but it’s better than talking about it.</p><p>Hell, any way he can avoid the topic of his despicable father and the things he did as Hawkmoth was a win-win situation. He may still hold a raging torch for the man, wanting to burn something of his for a change, but he would never act upon it. He is not senseless, especially since revenge is the wrong thing to do. And especially if revenge is the route his father took.</p><p>He would do anything to prevent himself from being anything like his father.</p><p>“These are pretty,” Alya admired, walking closer and touching one of the silver charms. “What are these for? Something special?”</p><p>Adrien calmed at the topic of the person the necklace was for and he straightened, a fond smile playing on his lips. “Someone, actually,” he said, reaching out and inspecting one of the other charms as well.</p><p>Alya gasps dramatically, “Adrien Agreste has a muse! The world will be fills with the wails of thousands of broken hearts!”</p><p>“Alright, alright, keep it down,” Adrien said, laughing lightly. “We don’t wanna tell the whole world yet.”</p><p>Alya lifted an eyebrow, “Oh really?” she teased, her smirk saying things like <em>run </em>and <em>hide. </em>“And who is this lucky lady?”</p><p>Adrien smiled fondly at the irony of her choice of words, fiddling with a smaller charm with a diamond in the middle of a heart.</p><p>He looked back up at Alya, who was still waiting patiently for his answer, her smirk still present, when his face fell. He was reminded suddenly of the night a few days ago, how Chat Noir had found this said girl they were talking about, in her bathroom with blood running down her arms. How Tikki had stopped him from touching her, then explained just what happened, how her holder was triggered by two people.</p><p><em>Lila… </em>of course, and… <em>Alya. </em></p><p>He faltered with his words for a second, his tongue becoming dry as he tried to remind himself that he can’t make a scene.</p><p>He swallowed thickly before looking back down at the necklace he was fiddling with, before setting it down and turned more towards the prying reporter.</p><p>“You might not like who it is,” he said, his tone taking a deeper hum to it.</p><p>Alya’s face faltered for a moment, and she leaned back, giving him a suspicious look. “What do you mean?”</p><p>Adrien studied her for a long moment before sighing heavily and opened his mouth. “It’s Marinette.”</p><p>Alya blinked in surprise, her lips parting as her stature froze. She didn’t look shocked, but she also didn’t look as surprised as he thought she would be.</p><p>“Oh,” Alya said, coming out of her shock as she shifted on her feet.</p><p>“Yeah,” Adrien said, feeling the tension in the air.</p><p>“You know she lies, right?” Alya suddenly said, surprising Adrien with her words. “She’ll keep things from you, things that are unforgiveable.”</p><p>“Nothing’s… unforgiveable…” he said slowly, sounding like a hypocrite to his own ears. He studied her for a minute, a bitter taste his mouth. “Marinette said you guys were on bad terms but… I didn’t know it was <em>this </em>bad.”</p><p>Alya crossed her arms and gained a bitter look in her expression as well. “Well, you don’t know what she did.”</p><p>“Is it really that bad?” he challenged. “Bad enough that it ruined your guys’ friendship?”</p><p>“You don’t just lie to your best friend about being—” she halted her words and clamped her mouth shut, her eyes widening in alarm at what she could’ve said.</p><p>Adrien bit his lip to hold back his own thoughts which were racing as the situation presented itself.</p><p><em>She knows Marinette is Ladybug, </em>he thought, studying a flustered Alya. <em>So, that’s what tore them apart. </em></p><p>“She must’ve had a good reason.” He responded, watching her shoulders tense even more. “What’s Marinette’s business is hers. You may have been her best friend, but she has a right to keep things from you, especially it it’s private.” Adrien halted himself for a minute, watching her patiently for her response.</p><p>“Who knows, maybe she was trying to protect you,” He said, when she lacked a response.</p><p>Alya looked at him then, curiosity flashing in her eyes before she took a deep breath and untensed her shoulders, looking away from him. Her eyes seemed lost and tired, but also in the process of pondering something important.</p><p>“You should go see her,” he said, his voice quieter. “She… she could really use an old friend right now.”</p><p>Alya’s eyebrows furrowed in slight concern and curiosity, “She okay?”</p><p>Adrien paused at the question, not wanting to give too much away but also not wanting to lie.</p><p>“She’s… she’s hurting,” he said, almost laughing because <em>man </em>was that an understatement. “She’s going through a lot right now and I think… maybe a visit from you could help her.”</p><p>Alya snorted, “I’m almost positive I’m the last person she wants to see.”</p><p>“I highly doubt that,” Adrien said.</p><p>Alya studied him for a moment, her brain obviously turning gears, thinking and pondering this decision that was laid out for her.</p><p>“I’ll think about it,” she finally said quietly.</p><p>He smiled, “That’s all I ask. Thank you.”</p><p>He turned back to the tray full of necklaces, actually looking this time for what he was looking for, before spotting it. He reached out and picked it up, smiling at it, and the meaning behind it.</p><p>“Pretty,” Alya admired, and he nodded in response.</p><p>“Miss!” Adrien called, the girl behind the counter that was helping him earlier was just finishing with the elder couple and she smiled at him, letting him know she was coming.</p><p>“I see you still got that model charm,” Alya said, smirking at the now rushing girl that was trying to get the couple out of here.</p><p>Adrien looked at her curiously, “What charm?”</p><p>Alya only laughed and refused to give him an answer.</p><p>“Yes?” the girl behind the counter rushed up, once she got rid of the older couple.  </p><p>Adrien held up the glittering necklace, “This is the one.”</p><p>She smiled at him sweetly before delicately taking it from his hands, studying it carefully. “I’ll get it wrapped up for you, Mr. Agreste. You can pay for it at the other cashier. I’ll be with you shortly.”</p><p>He gave her a grin, “Perfect, thank you.”</p><p>She smiled wider before lightly tracing her fingers over his, making him jump in surprise.</p><p>“No problem,” she said, before walked away.</p><p>Alya snickered and he gave her a heavy glare as she turned back to him. “See? There’s glimmer to your name!”</p><p>He snorted, loudly. “Thanks,” he said sarcastically.</p><p>She giggled before patting his shoulder, “You’re welcome, now if you don’t mind, Nino will be wondering where I am.” She winked at him playfully, “See you around, Agreste.”</p><p>He rolled his eyes, “Yeah, whatever Césaire,” he said, smiling at her as she turned to the door. But then a thought came to him and he called out to her. “Alya!”</p><p>She turned back to him, her eyes meeting his. “What?”</p><p>He smirked, “I expect an invite to the wedding.”</p><p>Alya’s face burst with color as she cast her eyes towards the glass counter near the door, the one that was filled with glittering wedding bands with bling that called her name.</p><p>She gathered her composure and smiled at him, “Make sure to keep checking your mail box then,” she said, and just like that, she pushed open the door with her side, and she was gone.</p><p>Adrien smiled fondly before turned from the door and approaching the cashier that was across the room, where the girl was waiting.</p><p>“You sure you don’t wanna stop by the wedding rings either? I see a twenty-percent off sign,” Plagg teased from within his over shirt.</p><p>Adrien scowled, but not without a blush on his cheeks. “Shut up.”</p><p>Plagg only snickered.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hope you guys enjoyed! Have a happy happy Christmas and happy new years! &lt;3</p><p>Insta: @being_happy_official</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0022"><h2>22. Calamity</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Things take a turn in these hero's fortune.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Warning: Profanity and Strong Language warning, plus triggers and harsh things said. </p><p>WARNING: Torture Descriptions, No Blood drawn</p><p>(I hope I did well with the warnings...)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chapter 22: Calamity</p><p> </p><p>“Tikki! I <em>swear to God—” </em>Marinette was cut off as a light spray from the sink flung into her face, sprinkles of water making her flinch away from the cold. The load white noise the rushing water came with filled the room along with their laughter, which echoed around the apartment.</p><p>Another spray of water hit Marinette’s clothes and she flinched again, shrieking loudly as she tried to bat away the giggling kwami. But since that little thing could fly, float and fiercely attack the human that was begging for mercy as she splashed more water at her holder, she was powerless.</p><p>“Okay! Okay!” Marinette cried, giggling as Tikki stopped her teasing. She came away from the safety of her own arms and gave her little companion a teasing grin. “I get it, you like to throw water at me. How amazing,” she finished with heavy sarcasm.</p><p>Tikki made her little giggle, “I find that having water fights around the kitchen make you laugh while you do the dishes,” she said, eyeing the still running sink as Marinette turned it off. “You hate doing the dishes.”</p><p>“And who doesn’t?” she responded, smiling fondly at her as she took the final plate and placed it in the dishwasher, closing it as well. She reached for Tikki and gently scratched under her skin, “You’re lucky you’re so cute.”</p><p>Tikki giggled again as Marinette reached for the fridge, where a half-eaten apple was sitting. She grabbed it and took a bite of it, pulling out her phone to check her messages but was drawn towards social media instead. As always, some funny cat video came up on her feed and she laughed loudly as the little cat rolled on its back and stuck its tongue out. The silliness made her brain remember someone really similar, and her cheeks reddened at the thought of him.</p><p>She felt Tikki suddenly land on her head and she looked up, as if to look up at her little companion but couldn’t see her.</p><p>“Hey there,” she said, smiling with slight laughter in her voice. “Whatchya doin’?”</p><p>“That cat video is really cute,” Tikki said fondly, an obvious smile on her face. “Reminds me of Plagg.”</p><p>Marinette hummed in agreement, finding the other little kwami very amusing and adorable, despite what he suggests otherwise.</p><p>“Reminds me of Chat to,” she said shyly, almost ducking behind her mostly eaten apple.</p><p>She could practically feel the kwami’s smile above her. “I’m really happy for you, Marinette,” she finally said.</p><p>Said girl stalled for a moment, almost moving her head upwards as if to look up at the kwami but stopped as she realized she could knock her off.</p><p>“You are?” she settled on instead.</p><p>“Yeah,” Tikki responded, shifting on top of her head, the action making it feel like the kwami gave her a little head pat. “You’ve been having a really good few days, and I’m proud of you.”</p><p>Marinette flushed, caught between feeling self-conscious and happy about that fact as well.</p><p>It was true though. Marinette Dupain-Cheng has basically become a whole new person, especially since that night. It’s almost as if her mind has jumped into hyperspace, leaving behind a dark and decrepit planet and was now landing in a whole new, colorful world. She’s been waking up and getting her schoolwork done, she’s been very productive and involved at her workplace, even if it caused slight unease based on the last time she was there. Going to school was always going to be a struggle but having Chanel and Claire by her side made things a thousand times better. They kept her sane.</p><p>As for home life, she was doing pretty well. Chat had trusted her alone during the day now, especially since she’s been doing a lot better. Ever since the night he found her, she hasn’t had one single panic attack or blackout. Not one single episode has even tried to surface from the dark waters below, nothing like images from the past, tears, or cuts in reality have been made in her mind.</p><p>It almost felt… tranquil.</p><p><em>Maybe that’s partly Chat’s doing, </em>she thought.</p><p>She smiled silly to herself then, giggling fondly as she took the blanket in her hands and covered her face as best she could. She didn’t want the world to see her reddening face as she remembered his smile, his laugh, his touch, his lips.</p><p>It felt easy with Chat Noir. He brought the calm to her storm, the breeze to her dust, and the mountains to her tornados. He moved her in ways that felt easy to adjust to. Yes, of course, it was going to need some getting used to, all the love and affection she believed she didn’t deserve.</p><p>He was the reason for her stupid grin in that moment, and he was the reason why her heart fluttered every other minute of the day. He was the reason why her head has been so clear the last few days, why her shoulders seemed so much lighter from the burden she’s been carrying by herself for the longest time. Why the island that floated around in her mind, living amongst the dark waters, hasn’t experienced a storm in several days.</p><p>Everything that used to be her reality, shards of glass, torn clothing, and darkened eyes with smoke spilling over like toxic tears, was sitting there.</p><p>It wasn’t gone, but it was settled.</p><p>“It has been,” she said slowly, tucking the blanket under her chin. “It has been a few good days.” She nodded her head a little bit to insist her kwami come into her eyeline. She cupped her hands as Tikki flew down and settled in her hands, sitting like a toddler all adorably. “Thanks for believing in me, Tikki, I really appreciate you.” She nuzzled her kwami’s tiny cheek with a wide smile, “I love you, Tikki.”</p><p>“I love you to, Marinette,” her companion said, nuzzling her as well. “Chat Noir loves you to, you know.”</p><p>Marinette giggled shyly, deciding not to respond.</p><p>It was that moment when her phone dinged, notifying her that she had a message. It wasn’t a text or social media notification when she opened her phone though, instead she found something else. A pop up under her news stories app was there, and she curiously clicked on it, surprised what she heard next.</p><p>
  <em>“Parisian’s are running for their lives as the sentimonster mercilessly attacks the streets, crushing buildings and terrorizing the streets. It’s been several weeks since the last attack, so Paris was not ready for this sudden turn of events. The monster has been taking a ruthless trek down by the college, hopefully that helps Ladybug and Chat Noir to find it easier. They should be arriving any minute now.”</em>
</p><p>“A sentimonster?” Marinette cried as she stood from the couch, looking to Tikki in surprise. “But we haven’t had one in weeks! It’s so random!”</p><p>She looked down at her phone again, watching horrified as the sentimonster slams his giant fists into the nearest building, making the entire structure collapse.</p><p>“Marinette, we need to go! Now!” Tikki suddenly said, jerking Marinette out of her daze.</p><p>“Right,” she said, hesitating one more second, before looking to her kwami. “Tikki, spots on!”</p><p>.               .               .</p><p>Ladybug sped across the rooftops, jumping chimneys, dodging satellites and avoiding giant alleyways. Her eyes were locked on the monster just a few buildings away, his head and shoulders far above the top of the buildings. He growled furiously as he stomped through the streets, setting off car alarms and terrorizing the Parisians.</p><p>Thunder suddenly rumbled across the sky and Ladybug momentarily looked up at the cloudy skies, only a few lightning bolts ripping above the clouds.</p><p>“Looks like it might rain,” she said to herself, before settling her eyes back on the enemy ahead.</p><p>It was a giant sumo wrestler looking being, looking almost human. Its giant bulging muscles rippled every time he took a step, and his neck was about five times as wide as Ladybug’s shoulder length. It had only a small loincloth (well, small for him) wrapped around his waist not so securely with some kind of rope. Its feet were dirty and ragged, cut up from the rough streets of Paris. But the most disturbing thing about the giant creature was that it didn’t have a face, but only the imprint of one, like a thick layer of skin was covering his features.</p><p>“It’s huge,” she said quietly to herself as she stopped on the edge of a roof, reaching the street the sentimonster was on. It had its back to her as it walked further down the vacant, destroyed street and growled occasionally at nothing in particular.</p><p>The monster suddenly roared and reeled backwards, bringing its fists in the air. The next moment, it smashed his hands into the nearest building, a department store, with hopefully no one in it. Debris crumbled to the ground, and it growled in satisfaction.</p><p>Ladybug swung down the street and landed on the building opposite of the one that was now rubble. “Hey!” she yelled.</p><p>The sentimonster turned at her voice, its face contorting in what she assumed was a sneer upon “seeing” her.</p><p>“You sure you’re looking at me?” she yelled at it, waving her arms. “You don’t even have eyes!”</p><p>The monster growled at that, before very slowly bringing its large arms above its head. It only took a moment for Ladybug to realize what it was doing.</p><p>“Oh, jeez,” she said, before leaping off to the side, the monster just missing her as it smashed his fists into the building as it crumbling under his weight.</p><p>Ladybug threw her yo-yo around the monster’s neck and tugged herself forward. She lurched upwards and swung her feet forward as she came around the monster’s head, then landed on his shoulder.</p><p>The monster tried to grab at her, but she dodged easily and ran along his shoulder, coming up behind his head. She planted her feet and tightened her grip on her yo-yo, before yanking on it hard. Her yo-yo, now acting as a reign, wrapped tighter around the monster’s neck and it roared in defiance, flailing its arms around and knocking parts of the buildings next to them.</p><p>“Easy,” she strained as she pulled tighter, making the monster stumble back some. Her eyes caught something on his wrist, a red ribbon tied like a bracelet around his right wrist.</p><p>“The amok,” she said to herself.</p><p>The monster suddenly yelled in anger and flung around violently, making her lose her balance and stumble to the side, before finally, she lost her grip on her yo-yo and she flew in the air. Without her yo-yo, since it was still wrapped around the monster’s neck, she clawed at the air desperately as she arced into a freefall to the street below.</p><p>She’s close to the ground when something suddenly breaks her fall, an embrace that wraps her up protectively, spins in the air, before landing safely in the arms of—</p><p>“My Lady,” Chat Noir said, cradling her in his arms with a Cheshire Cat smile, “We’ve got to stop meeting like this.”</p><p>Ladybug had the audacity to snort at him. “Please, you love catching me,” she said, giving him an eyebrow.</p><p>“That I do,” he said, chuckling as he set her on her feet again. “So,” he said, gesturing at the sentimonster hundreds of yards away, “What’s the deal with <em>that?</em>”</p><p>“Well, for one, it’s got my yo-yo,” she said with a bitter taste in her mouth. “And two, the amok is in the ribbon of his right wrist. Should be able to tear it, if not keep you Cataclysm ready.”</p><p>“Always ready for you, Bugaboo,” he said, winking at her before running forwards.</p><p>“Stop calling me that!” she yelled, just for old times sake. But recently, she’s become very fond of it.</p><p>They drove the monster further down the street, Ladybug having trouble getting to its shoulders, where her yo-yo was still wrapped around his neck. She couldn’t get a hold of her lucky charm if she didn’t get to it, which they needed to win the battle and repair the damage done to the city.</p><p>“Chat Noir!” she yelled, running at the monster for the third time. “Leg up!”</p><p>He got the message and ran from the side towards where she was going, which was right at the monster’s feet. He faced her and locked his hands, which she stepped into and he threw her upwards, flying forwards until she landed and rolled on his shoulder. She stood quickly and ran forward, barely missing one of its giant hands and slide under another, reaching the back of his neck and grabbing her yo-yo.</p><p>She yanked it free, did a small celebration before calling upon her lucky charm. In her arms landed a lot of rope, making her stumble backwards from the sudden weight.</p><p>“What the hell am I going to do with this?” she asked, before looking around. She glanced downwards and the monster’s hands, which were currently trying to catch Chat, highlighted. Then Chat’s staff highlighted below her and then the rope.</p><p>A light bulb.</p><p>“Chat! Your staff!” she yelled, him glancing up at her before having to dodge another foot attempting the crush him. When he looked back up, she took advantage of the time and pointed behind the monster, “There!”</p><p>“Got it!” he yelled, before going into a dive roll to avoid another smashing hand and ran between the monster’s feet, both of them trying to stomp on him but he avoided easily.</p><p>While he did this, Ladybug quickly unraveled the rope and took both ends of it, before tossing the loop she made. It just went over one of the monster’s hands, and he roared in surprise and anger. She used the same loop, and, by some miracle, she got the other arm in. With the extra rope, she took a deep breath, before jumping off the monster’s shoulder, swinging her legs for momentum as she went under his flailing hands, trying to grab her, and under his other arm. She twisted her body and landed on the monster’s shoulder blade, before pulled it tight with one arm.</p><p>“Ready My Lady!” Chat yelled somewhere behind her.</p><p>She couldn’t see him, but she trusted he had lined up his staff with the back of the monster’s knees, acting to eventually trip the monster.</p><p>Ladybug used her other arm, while struggling to hold the monster’s arms to his chest to grab her yo-yo and wrap it around the monster’s neck once again. He clawed at the wire around his neck, as Ladybug tightened it, then pulled.</p><p>And man, she pulled <em>hard. </em></p><p>Using one arm to hold the rope securing the monster and the other to pull him backwards took strength she didn’t know she had. But she did it, she pulled and pulled, until eventually, she felt gravity get a hold of them. She waited for the last second, feeling the monster roar in anger as it tripped over Chat’s baton and lost its balance with her tugging. Once he was angling towards the ground, she let go of the rope, retracted her yo-yo, and used the rest of her strength to push on foot into his bone, climbing quickly over his shoulder.</p><p>As he fell, she latched onto the ribbon around his wrist, which came off easily and she flipped forward. She landed on the monster’s stomach just as he crashed into the ground, the buildings, windows and pavement beneath them shaking from the impact.</p><p>She groaned as her tired muscles barely helped push her to her feet and she made her way across the monster’s abdomen. Chat was waiting for her as she got on her butt and slid down the side of the unmoving monster, who didn’t seem to be breathing.</p><p>“You okay?” Chat asked her, wrapping her arm around his shoulders and holding her waist.</p><p>“Yeah,” she said, leaning against him for support. “Just tired.”</p><p>“Better purify that amok,” he said, rubbing her back gently.</p><p>She sighed, “Yeah.” She pushed off her partner and took a few steps away from him, ripping the ribbon in half, and watching as the dark purple feather flew out. She quickly purified it and sent it on its way, saying goodbye to it as she always does.</p><p>“Miraculous Ladybug!” she called out, throwing the rope into the air once she detangled it from the monster. The little ladybugs burst into the air and flew at the speed of sound across the city, fixing the buildings and all the other things the monster destroyed. The monster disappeared as well, and the ribbon she was holding turned into a small metal, with a bronze imprint of two guys wrestling, and the back had a name and a second place etched into it.</p><p>“Ladybug! Ladybug!”</p><p>She looked up as a tall, huge and very muscular teenager approached her, looking distressed and relieved, and maybe a little embarrassed.</p><p>“I assume this is yours,” she said, outstretching the arm with the medal in it.</p><p>He hesitated before carefully taking it, “Thanks… sorry.”</p><p>Ladybug smiled up at him, “It’s my job, and by the way,” she eyed the medal, “Second place is better than last.”</p><p>The boy blushed and gave her a sheepish smile before quietly thanking her and walking away.</p><p>“Well,” Chat Noir said, coming up beside her and looking down at her. “I would say that was a success.”</p><p>She rolled her eyes, “It almost wasn’t,” she said, before using her yo-yo to yank herself from the ground and land on top the building next to her, where he followed.</p><p>“Correct me if I’m wrong,” Chat said, his voice taking a curious tone as he stopped next to her. “But did that seem a little…” he hesitated, searching for the right word. “I don’t know, easy to you?”</p><p>Ladybug considered, looking at the ground as she thought about it. It took less time than most sentimonsters, and even some akumas in the past, the sumo wrestler was clumsy, but strong, but unbalanced, and it took only one attempt to topple it.</p><p>“Weirdly, yeah,” she said, looking back up at him while crossing her arms. “It’s almost as if… I don’t know like… whoever this enemy is, is toying with us.”</p><p>Chat pressed his lips together and nodded curtly, “Agreed. Plus, we know nothing about them, who they could be. We haven’t even seen them, they’ve only sent sentimonsters to do their dirty work, and as far as I know, they could have something else planned.”</p><p>Ladybug shivered, tensing as she looked around, a paranoid feeling coming up her spine. As if someone was watching her right this very moment.</p><p>“It’s weird, unlike anything we’ve fought before,” she said, sighing. “It’s almost familiar—” she stopped, something behind Chat catching her eye but it was too fast to see.</p><p>“Ladybug,” Chat called, but she didn’t answer. “Hey, you good?”</p><p>She glanced at him once before uncurling her arms and walking past him towards the edge of the building. She placed a foot in front of her right before the edge before she leaned over it, looking down at the ally below, where she saw nothing.</p><p>Ladybug shook her head, “There’s nothing—”</p><p>Her blood went cold when Chat cried out behind her.</p><p>She whipped around but was caught off guard by the sight in front of her, freezing her in place.</p><p>The newcomer was holding Chat around his neck, locking him against his chest. Blood ran down Chat’s nose and over his lips, giving him a bloody grimace as he struggled in the newcomer’s hold. The very sight of her partner, trapped and bleeding, scared her, but what really made her blood go cold and her heart to stall its beating, was the void absence of color the newcomer was wearing.</p><p>Otherwise known as white.</p><p>For a long and agonizing few seconds, she thought it was <em>him. </em></p><p>But no, luckily, it wasn’t.</p><p>The person holding him was just as tall, with eyes just as pale and grey as her akumatized partner had been. His gaze was dark, and almost resembled him in a way, especially with the way the threatened her without any words. His muscular body fit perfectly, almost molded into a white leotard, with a white, feathered cape that fell down his back and hanging from his shoulders. His mask, however, was completely different. The outside of it was white, but it faded into a harsh black then faded into orange around his nose, where a beak lifted from the bridge of his nose.</p><p>Chat Noir struggled in his hold, seemingly unable to free himself from the assaulter’s unmatched strength. The blood flowed heavily from his nose, covering his lips and dripping down his chin, dripping onto the white arm of the newcomer. His hands clawed desperately at the locked arm around his neck, but the white clad assaulter held him fast.</p><p>“Stop struggling!” the white being said harshly, before slamming his fist into Chat’s side, hard, making him cry out in pain and stop struggling.</p><p>“No! Stop!” Ladybug cried, breaking from her shock and stepping forward, but the pale gaze found hers with a threatening gleam to them.</p><p>“Take one more step,” he said, his voice low and cold. “And the next thing I break is his back.” He suddenly jerked Chat and he yelped, taking sharp, shattered breaths afterwards.</p><p>“Okay! Okay!” she said, taking a step back as her body trembled. “Just stop hurting him.”</p><p>Chat Noir grunted before laughing dryly, and the sound nearly broke her heart. He spat blood from his mouth and swallowed harshly, how he did it, she had no idea.</p><p>“Don’t worry, My Lady,” he said hoarsely. “This is nothing.”</p><p>Ladybug tried to clear her head for a moment before meeting those pale blue eyes again, unable to stop to shiver that ricocheted across her body from the familiar cold stare.</p><p>“Who are you?” she was able to force out, glaring darkly at the assaulter.</p><p>The newcomer stayed silent; his eyes trained on her. The tension between her and him was filled with Chat’s labored breaths.</p><p>“I asked you a question,” she said, her voice steely and cold. “Who are you?”</p><p>“That’s none of your business, Ladybug.”</p><p>The new voice had startled her, and she whipped around to find the most unexpected sight she could think of.</p><p>“Mayura,” she said, her heart suddenly aching but she didn’t know why. “You… you’re—”</p><p>“Still here?” she interrupted, her voice cold. “I never left Ladybug.”</p><p>“But—” Ladybug suddenly felt an overwhelming rage come over her, laced with confusion and frustration. “If you never left then-then why are you attacking <em>now</em>?!”</p><p>Her gaze darkened, “That’s still not your concern.”</p><p>“It is if you’re <em>hurting </em>people!” Ladybug yelled.</p><p>Chat suddenly groaned behind her and she whipped around, watching his face contort in pain while his eyes squeezed shut. He was hurting.</p><p>Ladybug turned back to Mayura with fire in her eyes, “Let him go. <em>Now</em>,” she said furiously,</p><p>Mayura paused, taking that moment to bring out her fan and delicately move it in front of her face. “Fine,” she said, smiling lightly at her, catching Ladybug by surprise. “In trade for the butterfly miraculous.”</p><p>Ladybug’s blood went cold, and her stomach dropped, feeling her body go rigid. <em>There’s the catch. </em></p><p>She shook her head, “Never.”</p><p>“I’m afraid you don’t have much of a choice, Ladybug,” the white clad newcomer suddenly said, making her turn back to him and Chat. He smirked suddenly, a cold expression. “Unless you want to watch as I break every bone in his body.” </p><p>“Don’t do it, Ladybug,” Chat struggled out, gasping in the assaulter’s hold. “They’re baiting you.”</p><p>She made eye contact with him, “But they’re threatening <em>you</em>.”</p><p>“Don’t worry about me,” he said, giving her a bloody smile. “I’ve got it.”</p><p>She could feel her entire body panic. <em>He didn’t use his Cataclysm. </em></p><p>“Chat—” she tried to warn.</p><p>“Cataclysm!”</p><p>Chat called upon his power, swinging his toxic hand backwards, towards the white clothed newcomer. But the assaulter was ready for him, grabbing his incoming wrist and then his shoulder, before using his hands and foot to push Chat to the ground. He lay there on his stomach, his toxic hand hovering above the cement and his other hand struggling to push himself up. A white boot found his center back, and pushed him to the ground, surprisingly gentler than she thought.</p><p>“That was a dumb move,” the assaulter said. “Use your Cataclysm on that rock a few inches from your face.”</p><p>Chat didn’t move.</p><p>“Do it,” White said, nodding towards Ladybug. “Or my friend here won’t be so nice with your little lady.”</p><p>Ladybug froze and whipped around, going to grab her yo-yo to defend herself, but Mayura just stood there casually, fanning herself.</p><p>“Do it, Chat Noir,” she heard behind her.</p><p>There was slight hesitation behind her before she heard the familiar crumbling of dust, and she turned around, where Chat was lying next to a pile of dust. The white boot was still on his back.</p><p>
  <strong>~Torture Warning~</strong>
</p><p>“Listen, Ladybug,” White said, turning his gaze back to her. “I’m going to count to three, and you better surrender and hand over the butterfly miraculous, or else…” he looked down at a gasping Chat Noir. “Things could get messy.”</p><p>“Ladybug,” Chat rasped, meeting her eyes with his alarmed ones. “<em>Don’t</em>.”</p><p>“Make your choice, Ladybug,” White said, pausing to wait for her.</p><p>She froze in that moment, unsure what to do, and said nothing.</p><p>White set his jaw, “One.” And he harshly pressed his foot into Chat’s back, forcing him against the roof fully and drawing out a loud <em>oof </em>from him.</p><p>“Stop!” she spluttered, watching as Chat’s face contorted from the uncomfortable feeling.</p><p>“Will you hand it over?” he said, his voice dangerously quiet.</p><p>Ladybug faltered, again. She hated herself for it.</p><p>“Two.”</p><p>He pushed harder, but this time, Chat cried out, and there was a harsh snapping noise.</p><p>“Stop! Stop! Please!” she cried, tears now appearing in her eyes as panic envelops her in a harsh, tight embrace. She felt like panicking, and her eyes misted. She pushed back her emotions, instead focusing all her attention into the situation, which might have made it worse.</p><p>“Surrender, Ladybug,” Mayura said behind her. “Or he dies.”</p><p>The assaulter suddenly pushed harder, and Chat screamed, the roof beneath him cracking underneath the pressure of the strength of the unknown enemy.</p><p>Something snapped in her when Chat’s eyes suddenly glazed over.</p><p>“Okay! Okay! I’ll hand it over! Just <em>stop!” </em>She looked down at a trembling, dazed Chat Noir, horrified she even let it get this far. “Stop hurting him, please.”</p><p>The white clad assaulter finally huffed and relieved the pressure off his back but kept his foot on him anyway.</p><p>Suddenly, her miraculous beeped, two minutes, and so did Chat’s.</p><p>“He has four minutes, Ladybug,” White said. “Better make it snappy.”</p><p>Ladybug looked back at Mayura, then back at Chat.</p><p>Everything inside her surrendered at his broken form.</p><p>She had to run to her apartment fast before his timer went out, where the Miracle Box was.</p><p>He didn’t have much time.</p><p>Without even thinking of the consequences that were yet to come, she turned and ran in the direction.</p><p>She was just lucky her apartment was close by.</p><p>However… was luck really on her side today?</p><p>.               .               .</p><p>Marinette transformed as soon as she was in her apartment, blindly saying something to Tikki about eating and ran into her room. She reached under her bed and tore through the crap under it, quickly finding the spotted Miracle Box. She put in the code before rushing into it, finding the butterfly miraculous, then standing up, not even bothering to close or put away the box.</p><p>“Let’s go, Tikki,” she said, her eyes watering again as her kwami followed her holder back into the fire escape, not questioning Marinette’s distressed state.</p><p>She transformed quickly and leapt off the fire escape, landing on another building and sprinting hard.</p><p>They were close by, so she quickly arrived back with tears in her eyes, and a cursed miraculous in her hand, her yo-yo in the other.</p><p>She walked up to them; her face grim.</p><p>“Don’t do it, Ladybug,” Chat said, conscious at her feet as she approached them.</p><p>For once, she ignored him and marched up to Mayura, where her hand was waiting, and basically slammed the miraculous into her hand.</p><p>“There,” she said, then turned back to the assaulter who was still holding Chat on the ground. “Now let him go.”</p><p>He snorted, “Not so fast Ladybug.”</p><p>A roll of thunder in the distance.</p><p>Her blood went cold. “You said—”</p><p>“I said I would release him,” he said, shaking his head. “But not when.”</p><p>Chat’s timer suddenly beeped. One minute.</p><p>“Let him go,” she said, stepping forward. “<em>Now.” </em></p><p>“Not until we know who he is,” he said, looking down at him. “Any second now.”</p><p>Suddenly, Mayura came up behind Ladybug and grabbed her arms from behind, and she startled, immediately struggling. She yanked one arm suddenly free from her before reeling back and slamming her elbow in her face, making her stumble back.</p><p>Ladybug turned to the assaulter, throwing her yo-yo at him. She knocked him down and away from Chat Noir and he landed hard on his back a few feet away. She ran forward, quickly gathered Chat in her arms and leapt off the building, running at a full sprint away from her place. His miraculous gave an alarming beep and she knew they only had seconds.</p><p>“Chat?” she called to him, “You awake?”</p><p>His eyes fluttered open, but he avoided her gaze, and she frowned at it.</p><p>She stopped and set him down next to a chimney, where he braced himself against it and held his chest, which no doubt was injured.</p><p>“Are you okay?” she asked tenderly.</p><p>He didn’t respond.</p><p>“Chat.”</p><p>It all happened at once.</p><p>There was a blinding green flash just as lightning struck above them, and she shielded her eyes away from it. When she slowly opened her eyes once again, slowly taking in the sight of a white over shirt and the back of a blond head, her heartbeat picked up at the sudden realization.</p><p>Chat’s identity. He detransformed. His real face and eyes were just a turn away.</p><p>“Chat…?” she called hesitantly.</p><p>He slowly turned around, and when his green eyes met hers, thunder rolled across the sky.</p><p>“What did you do?” Adrien Agreste said in front of her, his eyes flaming with anger, that was not his, but Chat’s.</p><p>Ladybug starred up at him in shock, caught between confusion and hurt at the anger directed at her.</p><p>But then… she realized.</p><p>That’s when the rain started.</p><p>.               .               .</p><p>The white butterflies, fresh from hatching, were flying around in the cellar. They flapped their delicate wings throughout the freshly watered garden, years and years of vegetation that shouldn’t be there. At least, not for five years.</p><p>The storm outside was vibrant with the mood, powerful, yet collected. The windows, newly fixed and sturdy, as the rain poured down on them, pattering hard against the glass. Lightning struck multiple times, and what always followed was the roll of powerful thunder that had the glass rattling.</p><p>“We got it.”</p><p>Lila turned from the window, uncrossing her tense, devilish arms as she met the eyes of the tall, blue figure of Mayura, and the deadly glare of him, her partner, and a powerful miraculous holder.</p><p><em>Cygne Blanc</em>.</p><p>“Good,” Lila responded, reaching out as Mayura did, her fist enclosing something.</p><p>And there it was, the butterfly miraculous, in Lila’s hand.</p><p>Oh, how she dreamed of this day.</p><p>She twisted it around in her fingers, before it shone brightly, and Lila resisted the urge to drop it. Soon, the little stone with wings became a necklace with a purple ribbon. She smiled brightly as she took both ends of it and reached around her neck, tying it in the back. As it rested on her chest, it shone brightly again, and she watched as the kwami came out of the necklace.</p><p>“Recognize me?” Lila said, smirking at the saddened kwami.</p><p>Nooroo just bowed his head, and said nothing.</p><p>“Well, Nooroo,” she said, looking down at her now own miraculous and smiling. “Dark wings, rise.”</p><p>A similar darkness overcame her, the butterflies all around coming forth and covering every part of her body as she transformed. Her cloak was a dark, dark purple, with few buttons in the front holding it together. She had the same dark purple pants that were connected to knee high combat boots matching the suit. It fluttered into two tails in the back, and molding against her body up her spine and stopping in between her shoulder blades. Her hair stayed the same but had two purple ribbons in the front and one in the back. Her mask covered just her eyes, silver and purple, while her staff with a sword tucked away in it, she held in her left hand and pressed it against the floor.</p><p>“I am <em>Papillon de Scoufre</em>,” she said, looking up through the windows as lighting struck, followed but multiple rolls of thunder.</p><p>“What now?” Cygne Blanc asked.</p><p>Soufre hummed quietly, before closing her eyes and listening. The butterflies seemed to whisper in her ears, she could feel every emotion, every twinge of distress in the entire city. It was a powerful feeling, a deep hum of energy that floated in several different waves throughout the air. She didn’t know which one to choose from, there was the frustration, the anger, the sadness, the anguish, the pain.</p><p>But then, there was <em>that. </em></p><p>She opened her eyes and locked on the emotion, feeling it inside herself, the deepest kind of hurt anyone could feel. Betrayal, blame, agony—falling in the wrong direction. It’s dark… and beautiful.</p><p>It’s a heartbreak.</p><p>“Now,” she said, reaching out and letting a single, beautiful white butterfly land on her fingers, bringing it to her other hand and letting it sit in the palm of her hand. “We watch the show.”</p><p>She enclosed the butterfly with her other hand, and watched as dark magic shimmered into the butterfly, turning it a dark purple with light purple veins that seemed to glow. Of course, Lila’s seen akumas up close, but never has she felt such evil, dark power running through her veins like this.</p><p>Never has she felt the power of having the power over another.</p><p>She brought the butterfly close to her face and whispered, “You know where to go.”</p><p>Then she held out her hand and watched the butterfly follow the trail. It slipped through a crack in the window, and flew out into the storm, almost as if the raindrops parted for the power it radiated. The purity of the water not able to touch it because it was so toxic and evil.</p><p>The three villains watched with nostalgic smiles on their faces as the butterfly flew over the city of Paris, looking for its first victim in years.</p><p>.               .               .</p><p>Its as if the rain was meant for them, because it seemed it was.</p><p>A heavy silence had fallen over the heroes, one still masked and the other not. The rain drenched her suit and his clothes, both of them staring wide eyed at each other as everything, including the rain, seemed to come down on them. Everything they faced, all that they’ve been through, and nothing… nothing prepared them for this.</p><p>For <em>this </em>terrible turn of fate.</p><p>But it was right and front of them.</p><p>And someone had to say <em>something. </em></p><p>Ladybug has never heard silence quite this loud.</p><p>“Um,” she started, her hands trembling not just from the cold. “Are… are you okay?”</p><p>Adrien had stood there the entire three minutes and forty-three seconds they were silent, she knew, because she started counting. She needed to do something about the white noise creeping in on the back of her brain, do something about the strangely quiet waves back there, which she didn’t trust.</p><p>“Am I okay?” he finally responded after a minute. She looked up and flinched, hard, when she saw the anger in his eyes. “You’re <em>seriously </em>asking me if I’m okay?”</p><p>She swallowed heavily, “You… they were, Ch-Adrien—”</p><p>“Don’t say my name like that,” he snapped, his eyes lowered and angry.</p><p>She stared at him as another roll of thunder ricocheted across the sky, combining with a bolt of lightning that broke the sky in half. The rain was coming down hard, her hair was already soaked, and Adrien’s—<em>Adrien’s</em>—hair was matted to his forehead, water dripping down the side of his face, and his clothes stuck to his body.</p><p>“Okay,” she said hesitantly. “What… what do I say?”</p><p>Adrien raised his hands to his face and rubbed the bridge of his nose. She could practically feel the controlled anger seething under his skin, about ready to burst.</p><p>“Why don’t we start with how you gave up the butterfly miraculous?” he said, dropping his hand and crossing his arms at his chest.</p><p>She swallowed again, “You… they were going to kill you.”</p><p>“And?”</p><p>She looked up at him, “What do you mean <em>‘and’</em>?”</p><p>“You packed that thing away for a reason,” he said lowly, stepping closer and pointing at nothing in particular. “It’s a danger to the world and it should have <em>stayed </em>in that Miracle Box. Better yet it should never have existed. It should’ve been destroyed.”</p><p>“Don’t talk like that!” she exclaimed, suddenly angry herself. “I’m not going to <em>destroy </em>that miraculous just because someone used it wrongly!”</p><p>“Yeah and that someone was my <em>father!” </em>he said, also raising his voice, making her step back. “He used that miraculous to torture people and take advantage of them! He used other people to try and get our miraculouses! And now you just handed it to the enemy, who’s going to do the exact same thing with it that he did!” he yelled, screaming over the noise of the storm.</p><p>“They were threatening to <em>kill you!”</em> she cried, searching for his gaze as he turned away. “I didn’t have a choice!”</p><p>“Yes, you did!”</p><p>“I wasn’t going to lose you again!” she shouted, a sob coming out unexpectantly. “I lost you once and I can’t do that again!”</p><p>“Well how do you think I feel?!” he yelled back, raising his arms in defiance. “The same miraculous that my father wielded, that killed you all those years ago, and killed many other people is now out there in the open so those lunatics can use it!”</p><p>“You would have done the same for me, right?!” she cried, making Adrien pause. “In fact, you <em>did do </em>the same thing years ago! When you traded your father’s life for my own!”</p><p>“This is different,” he said, quieter this time.</p><p>“How is it different?!” she cried.</p><p>“Because I didn’t know it was my father!”</p><p>“Oh, and so if you’d known it was your father would’ve made your decision different?!”</p><p>“Yes!”</p><p>Ladybug faltered, her face falling at that. A light pressure pressed on her heart, a signal of pain shooting through her body that wasn’t physical. Suddenly it was so much harder to keep the sob inside her chest, and her breaths became more labored.</p><p>She didn’t see Adrien’s reaction, but he’d fallen silent as well.</p><p>Ladybug turned away slightly as the tension between them increased to an almost agonizing level.</p><p>“You wish it was me,” she said slowly, looking back at him and meeting his cold, green eyes. Eyes that used to be so vibrant when they looked back at hers, but now, they just seemed cold. “Don’t you?”</p><p>He turned away, “I never said that.”</p><p>“But it’s the truth isn’t it?” she said, turning fully to him and crossing her arms at her chest. “You wish it was me. You wish I died that day, and you wish your father got to live so that you could try and mend a relationship that never had any hope in the beginning.”</p><p>“Marinette,” he said carefully, glaring heavily at her, making her falter. “<em>Don’t.” </em></p><p>“Well, then don’t blame me for your past mistakes, cause clearly you made one by bringing me back,” she said, turning away from him. She took and deep breath and forced her brimming tears to stay at bay.</p><p>There was a long, tense silence.</p><p>“I can’t believe it’s gone,” Adrien said, the sound of him running his fingers through his hair. “I can’t believe you gave it to them.”</p><p>A single tear fell down her cheek.</p><p>“Well, I’m sorry to disappoint.”</p><p>“<em>You </em>let them have it.”</p><p>She whirled on him and stomped up to him, not bothering to hide her waiver voice, the sobs between her words, and the tears now running down her face.</p><p>“This is <em>not my fault!” </em>she yelled, pointing at him.</p><p>“Yes! It <em>fucking is!” </em></p><p>Ladybug stepped back in surprise, watching as he yelled at her, raising his voice at her, which had her heart sinking.</p><p>“You let them have the butterfly miraculous! And now they are going to cause havoc across the city!” he yelled, his voice echoing in her mind. “They are going to <em>kill </em>people, Marinette! <em>Killing people!” </em></p><p>She stumbled for a response, “I… I can bring them back—”</p><p>“It doesn’t matter if you can bring them back or not! You <em>let it happen!” </em>he cried, falling silent with heavy breaths afterwards. “The blood that will be running in the streets will be our responsibility. And blood<em> will </em>flow, Marinette, I’m just worried with how much, and who.”</p><p>She was silent.</p><p>
  <em>Yes, it fucking is. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>One. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>This is different. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Two. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>It’s your fault. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Three. </em>
</p><p>Another roll of thunder.</p><p>“It’s my fault,” she said out loud, as lightning struck.</p><p>Adrien was silent as the roll of thunder followed.</p><p>The rain hit the ground harder.</p><p>Adrien seemed to turn to leave, but she didn’t quite notice, all she noticed was a black box that fell out of his pocket as he walked away. He didn’t seem to notice, but she did. She leaned down and picked it up with her ghostly fingers, turning it over in her hands before finding the crack in the velvet black exterior.</p><p>She opened the box, and looked inside, and what was inside, nearly broke her to pieces.</p><p>“Adrien,” she called out, and she heard his footsteps stop and turn around.</p><p>She brought out the necklace, a silver chain with a silver charm, a small band wrapped into an infinity symbol, the symbol of forever, or always. In the bottom right hoop of the infinity symbol, there was the word <em>hope </em>written in fancy cursive there.</p><p>He only stared at her with wide, alarmed eyes.</p><p>But then, his eyes softened slightly.</p><p>Then they immediately turned back to alarm as he looked at something off the side of her.</p><p>No, not surprise.</p><p>
  <em>Panic. </em>
</p><p>“Marinette,” he said calmly, meeting her eyes. “Marinette, I need you to stop crying.”</p><p>She hiccupped and thought it was meant to hurt her more, so she sobbed and pressed her hand to her mouth, which was dripping from snot and water. She had been sobbing this whole time and barely noticed.</p><p>“Marinette, hey, I’m sorry, okay? I need you to calm down,” he said, his voice leveled and careful.</p><p>But she couldn’t. Not even his consoling words could stop the flowing tears as they streaked down her face.</p><p>“Hey,” Adrien said, carefully approaching her while he kept his eyes on something beside her. He shushed her gently, “Hey, I need you to calm down okay? I’m not mad anymore.”</p><p>She could tell he was lying. She’s known him for years. Of course, he was lying right now.</p><p>“Marinette, please,” he said quietly. “Please, calm down.”</p><p>She was clutching the necklace hard in her right hand, the chained locked inside her fists as the charm dangled from her hand on the chain.</p><p>His eyes were trained on something beside her.</p><p>So, she looked over curiously, as she should.</p><p>But that’s when she saw it.</p><p>She screamed as she shoved Adrien away from her, him landing a few feet away from her as the akuma, toxic and very much evil, flew into the necklace she was desperately holding.</p><p>The voice that filled her already screaming head, just added to the agony of it all.</p><p><em>It’s been a long time, hasn’t it, Ladybug? </em>Said the voice, a cold, feminine voice that was familiar.</p><p>Ladybug clutched her eyes tight together and fell to her knees, holding her ears as the white noise surged forward, as the waves below that have stayed calm washed up to her waist, pining her to the island made of glass. The one she hasn’t seen in days.</p><p>
  <em>You’ve been wronged by Chat Noir, no? He just broke your heart, I can feel it. C’mon, Ladybug, don’t pretend like you don’t want revenge. </em>
</p><p>She cried out, “But it’s wrong!”</p><p>
  <em>Who said anything about wrong? He’ll be getting what he deserves, and you’ll be getting what you deserve, Ladybug. Trust me. </em>
</p><p>She trembled violently, a voice coming from somewhere but she couldn’t hear it very well.</p><p><em>Ladybug, </em>said the voice in her head, the water rising to her shoulders. <em>Give in, you know you want to. </em></p><p>“I shouldn’t,” she chocked out, “I shouldn’t.”</p><p>
  <em>You should, you’ll be given powers unbelievably powerful. Powerful enough to destroy Chat Noir for all that he’s done to you, for all the heartbreak he’s caused you over the years. </em>
</p><p>Ladybug hesitated, “What do you want?”</p><p><em>I want yours and Chat Noir’s miraculouses, </em>the voice said. <em>And I want Chat Noir dead. </em></p><p>There was a long, tense silence, filled with decision, heartbreak, and a whole lot of hurt in between.</p><p>Her eyes suddenly cleared, and she looked up to see Adrien’s face in hers. His lips were moving, and she could feel the vibrations of his panicked shouts at her, but she no longer heard words.</p><p>“Chat,” she said, as the noise around her came back, the pounding of the rain, the rolling of thunder, the breaking of lightning.</p><p>“What?” he responded, panic in his eyes.</p><p>He was right to panic.</p><p>Things were about to get <em>unfortunate. </em></p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>“<span class="u">Run.</span>” </em>
  </strong>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Alright guys. </p><p>Just gonna drop this angst pile right here. </p><p>Enjoy. </p><p>Love you all. </p><p>Now I'mma go get my wisdom teeth removed. </p><p>See ya!<br/>~happt</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0023"><h2>23. Falter</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Escape, survive, battle.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Warning: Strong profanity in this chapter and harsh things said. </p><p>Warning: Mentioning/Reference to self-harm</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chapter 23: Falter</p><p> </p><p>Run.</p><p>
  <em>Run. </em>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>Run? </em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>RUN WHERE?! </em>
  </strong>
</p><p>He knew he was running, but he didn’t know where he was going. The only thing alive in his ears was the pounding in his heart and the way his head throbbed with coursing shocks of heat going through his skull. His body ached with agony, strain and stress clashing in a fierce battle as his feet pounded against the wet asphalt. The rain was pouring even harder now, clapping against the ground in droves as he ran against it, wind and water pouring on his face, and making his escape harder.</p><p>
  <em>Escape. </em>
</p><p>He had to escape.</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>BUT WHERE?!</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>He didn’t even know his chest was hurting until he turned the corner, some sort of flashing sign passing over him as he briefly found shelter before sprinting in the rain again. His clothes were plastered to his body, and the wind tossed his long locks into his eyes, blinding him just as much as the rain.</p><p>He was running. She told him to run. So, he was running, and running <em>hard</em>. He ran so hard through the pouring rain, hoping to lose the senseless demon tracking him down with precision. Running so hard his breath started rattling in his chest, that his ribs started expanding like they were going to break beneath his skin. He felt as if his lungs were bleeding from how far and hard he pushed himself. He wasn’t going to let up, because he could just hear the constant sound of a string tightening in the distance.</p><p>Adrien gasped as he collided with a corner of a building, slamming a shoulder into it before pushing himself back up and began sprinting again. He passed through the other side of the alleyway, finding a fork in front of him. He could go straight out into the street, in the open, he could go right, where a dark alley led to a dead end, or he could keep sprinting to his left, where an opening to a courtyard seemed to be.</p><p>He heard the string tighten again and his heart dropped at the sound, but dread settled beneath his stomach at the idea of running again. He was so exhausted he knew he couldn’t run any longer, unless he took a break.</p><p>
  <em>Adrien. </em>
</p><p>He flinched at the sound and turned around, like the whisper had been right next to his ear, but no one was there. Just the emptiness that the storm carried as lightning and thunder continued to rumble across the sky.</p><p>
  <em>Adrien, run!</em>
</p><p>He looked to his right, the alleyway with a dead end. There were several dumpster cans, large green and blue ones lined up against the wall that created somewhat doable hiding places.</p><p>He heard the familiar tightening of the string again and he flinched, jerking his head back in forth between his options.</p><p>
  <em>Hide. </em>
</p><p>Adrien stumbled to the right and nearly collapsed of exhaustion inside the new alleyway, but he pushed himself away from the wall he braced himself from and moved forward. He clumsily stumbled to the end of the alleyway, ducked behind the dumpster furthest from the entrance and crouched there, his heart pounding in his chest.</p><p>He waited.</p><p>He flinched hard when he heard the soft footsteps of the thing he was hiding from. They took a few steps into the alleyway he was in and he held his breath as they neared him.</p><p>Adrien tried not to make more noise as he tucked himself further against the wall, trying to stay as quiet as possible. His chest burned with the need to breath, but he held it for only the reason to keep his breath from leaving his body permanently.</p><p>He covered his mouth to suppress the frightened noise that wanted to escape his mouth right then as the figure stopped just around the corner of his hiding place. He could feel tears running down his cheeks in fear and sorrow, combining into one single dangerous thing in his chest. He suppressed the sob as best as he could, wanting to keep his life.</p><p>They took another step forward, and Adrien’s entire functioning body stopped at the sight of their foot, only a yard or so away. He could only see one leg, in a black combat boot that was skintight against their calf, with red dots going up her leg.</p><p>They stood there in the silence as the rain continued pouring. Adrien was pretty sure the one thing hiding him now was the way the rain pounded against the ground in a loud frenzy and the way the darkness of the clouds above seemed to shroud the alley into a deeper shadow.</p><p>Adrien flinched hard and almost gave away his position when there was a loud crashing noise in the distance, something far around the corner of the alleyway. He watched with anxiety creeping up his spine as the foot turned, hesitated, then sprung away from its spot. He listened to the pounding of the figure’s footsteps exit the hallway, then the familiar footsteps stopped. Finally, he heard the familiar sound of the string tightening, and suddenly, the figure flew over the alleyway at speeds he didn’t know were possible.</p><p>He waited, anticipating the figure to come back for him.</p><p>Two seconds.</p><p>Five seconds.</p><p>Ten seconds.</p><p>Twenty seconds.</p><p>Adrien let out the quietest sob he’s ever let lose. It was like a pained whine from a baby kitten that just fell across the hard wood floor for the first time. But the agony behind the whine was far deeper than just a flesh wound, and he was pretty sure no other pain could match what he was feeling then.</p><p>He forced himself to focus, taking a shattered, gasping breath as he pressed his back to the wall, closing his eyes while he let the rain fall on his face, the coldness the only thing keeping him grounded. He clutched his chest desperately, trying to force himself through the overwhelming sense of anxiety and fear that roared in his body. Everything hurt and ached on a different level.</p><p>Everything inside him felt broken.</p><p>He knew this feeling.</p><p>It was the same panic he felt five years ago when he found out his father was Hawkmoth.</p><p>But this felt deeper.</p><p>Rooted.</p><p>Like something he believed was his own was ripped away from him.</p><p>It felt like when he lost his mother.</p><p>But worse.</p><p>“Kid,” said a voice, Plagg most likely. It was hard to tell over the rain and the white noise screaming in his head. “Kid, c’mon, we gotta go.”</p><p>Adrien opened his eyes, but it only resulted in suppressed tears to fall down his cheeks. This brought him out of his half daze as he furiously wiped them away and pushed himself to his shaky feet. He struggled to leave the safety of his hiding place, but he was running out of time. He needed to leave here and get somewhere safe before they found him.</p><p>“Thanks for the distraction, Plagg,” Adrien mumbled, his voice sounding like a croak.</p><p>Plagg doesn’t respond.</p><p>Adrien tried to ignore the stiffness of his legs as he pushed towards the front of the alleyway, carefully peeking his head around the corner in the direction they went. Seeing nothing through the rain, he hesitantly stepped back out onto the sidewalk, and sprinted down the other alleyway, finding the way he came from. He ran in the direction he came from, keeping his eyes and ears open as he carefully made his way down the street.</p><p>The streets were like a ghost town. No one was out in about. Sure, people liked to take strolls in the rain when they lived in Paris, but not when the thunder rolled and when the lightning struck. The rain was coming down, coming down in buckets as it nearly drowned the streets, making it almost impossible to see ten feet in front of you.</p><p>Adrien crept along the sidewalk, hiding under the canopies over stores that were doing somewhat a good job at hiding him from the rain.</p><p>His main concern was hiding from the demon that flew above.</p><p>He couldn’t see or hear them, so he allowed himself to walk and try to calm his erratic heartbeat and breathing. Everything was straining inside him, and he tried not to look like some homeless nut case that was wondering the streets, more like a dumb man that forgot his umbrella.</p><p>His shaking knees grew unbearable to stand on anymore and he leaned against the window of some shop he didn’t know the name of. He slumped down and slid to the ground with his eyes closed the entire time as his emotions started piling up again.</p><p>Adrien felt awful, guilty even, as he struggled to keep his emotions in check. He shoved the heels of his palms into his eyes, contorting his face as another sob forced its way through his chest and up his throat. He tried to keep from drawing blood from how hard he was biting his cheek, but the flesh within his mouth became too raw and tender to even touch as he brought his teeth away from it.</p><p>It was everything he could do to not start sobbing.</p><p>
  <em>This is my fault. </em>
</p><p>He hit his temple, not too hard, with one of his hands.</p><p>
  <em>My fault. </em>
</p><p>“Kid,” Plagg called, his voice barely audible over the rain and the white noise building up. He felt the kwami land on his shoulder, prodding his neck to get his attention. “Kid, call someone.”</p><p>Adrien felt as if his limbs have turned to lead, his blood to ice as he tried to force his body to more, but it was no use. Everything inside of him felt too heavy, and so was all the emotional baggage that was weighing him down.</p><p>He briefly heard someone’s voice, but he didn’t quite hear them. The white noise was too loud.</p><p>His heart crunched and throbbed with pain, overwhelming his senses and making him question his own sanity. He felt too vulnerable, too wide open and certainly too afraid to remove his hands from his face. He couldn’t return to the world filled with violent storms and horrific tsunamis as it continued to drown him.</p><p>He <em>refused </em>to return to the reality of <em>this. </em></p><p>The guilt… the heartbreak… the mistakes.</p><p>It all felt too much. It was all too much.</p><p>If he could go back and do it all again, he wouldn’t yell at <em>her, </em>he wouldn’t <em>blame her. </em></p><p>Because he was a <em>fucking hypocrite</em>.</p><p>Because he’s done the same thing for her.</p><p>“<em>Adrien!”</em></p><p>He startled, jumping so hard he was forced to remove his hands to see whatever threat had descended upon him this time. But no, it was just Plagg, the god of destruction, giving him both a worrisome, stern and angry look.</p><p>“Call someone,” Plagg urged.</p><p>Adrien blinked, caught between the fear of his voice and the stern look in his eyes as he reached down to his pocket. He fumbled for his phone, pulling it out and barely getting it open with his trembling hands as he opened his contacts. He pressed the green call button and waited.</p><p>After two rings, the call clicked.</p><p>“Hey,” Adrien said, mostly in a daze. “I need your help.”</p><p>.               .               .</p><p>Adrien doesn’t move when the black car pulled up. He doesn’t move when the driver’s side opened and out stepped a person. He doesn’t even move when the person stood right in front of him, waiting.</p><p>Someone lightly tapped his knee and Adrien finally came out of his daze, looking up at their face, and finding comforting eyes that were laced with concern and confusion.</p><p>“C’mon,” Nino said, outstretching a hand to him. “Let’s get you outta the rain.”</p><p>He hesitated, caught between taking his hand and not. But the pros outweighed the cons in that moment, and Adrien really wanted to get out of the rain. He clasped hands with his best friend and Nino hauled him to his feet, making sure he was steady before he let him go.</p><p>The drive after was dreary, not even the radio played in Nino’s luxury expensive car. The seat was warming his legs and glutes, and the heat was blowing through the vents, but he still shivered. He couldn’t tell if he trembled because of the cold, for from the fear that was still coursing through his veins.</p><p>Nino parked in a garage under some expensive apartment building, not as expensive as the one he lived in, but comfortable and suitable for someone that owns a large company. Adrien followed Nino almost zombie like from the car and into an elevator, which took them up about twenty stories before stopping. Adrien again followed him down the hall, around some corners, until they finally stopped outside a door with the number 2027.</p><p>He used a key card across the handle before pushing open the door and holding it open for Adrien as he slowly walked into the place. It was more homey than expensive looking. With a kitchen around the corner and a couch and TV further back, a large center area before the living room. There was a hall to the right that most likely led to some bedrooms and bathrooms and maybe a storage closet, but he wasn’t looking for details.</p><p>“Hey,” Alya said, appearing around the corner from the kitchen, wiping her hands on a towel. She glanced curiously at Adrien as he came into view.</p><p>“Hey,” Nino said, glancing back at his friend. “I found him in the rain a few blocks down. He was soaking wet and panting like he ran a marathon.”</p><p>“He’s shivering,” Alya observed.</p><p>Adrien could care less for the weird attention, but he couldn’t focus on that as a sudden bolt of pain went up his side and he flinched, grabbing his ribs and inhaling sharply.</p><p>“And you’re hurt,” Alya said, tossing the towel she was holding on the counter. “I’ll get the first aid kit.”</p><p>“C’mere dude,” Nino said quietly, taking his friend’s shoulder and guiding him to a chair at the counter.</p><p>Adrien sat facing the back of the chair as he shrugged off his shirt, wincing as the strain made him gasp with the shoots of pain going up his sides. Alya soon returned and opened the first aid kit on the counter as Adrien buried his face in his arms, letting his friends inspect his back.</p><p>“Can I see your front Adrien?” Alya called to him, resting a hand on his shoulder.</p><p>Adrien struggled to lean back but he did, forcing himself to breath as they inspected his chest and abdomen as well.</p><p>He could practically feel them tense from whatever they saw.</p><p>“That bad huh?” his voice came out hoarse and hollow, a dry laugh escaping his lips.</p><p>They were both silent for a minute.</p><p>“There’s no blood so that’s good,” Alya finally said through a strained voice she was trying to control. She reached out and took hold of his hair and pulling his head back to inspect his face. He whined in protest, but he knew better than to tell Alya to stop whatever she was doing. “Nino, will you get him a few ice packs?”</p><p>Once it was in his hands, Adrien pressed it to his nose and partially onto his aching eye. He felt a cold pressure go on his back and he hissed but didn’t pull away, the coldness was cooling down the heat on his skin.</p><p>Adrien adjusted the ice pack against his eye, also pressing it delicately against his nose which felt good.</p><p>“I don’t think anything’s broken,” Alya observed carefully, looking at his ribs this time. “These might be bruised by nothing too fixable. If you broke a rib you wouldn’t be able to breath.”</p><p>Adrien closed his eyes and sighed deeply, a heaviness coming over him. “Yeah,” he said, his body aching. “Awesome.”</p><p>Adrien leaned forward again and rested his chin against his arms, closing his eyes as he let the ice packs cool down his heated, injured skin. He groaned a few times, but mostly because his body was shooting bolts of pain up his sides. His muscles ached from how much running he did and how much he strained himself, and his head throbbed from the intense adrenaline he had been on.</p><p>“Dude,” Nino finally said quietly, pressing another ice pack to his ribs, making him wince. “What happened?”</p><p>Adrien readjusted the ice pack on his eye, “I got jumped.”</p><p>“Jumped?” Alya asked, surprised. “By who?”</p><p>Adrien didn’t answer, considering this for a moment. Who <em>was </em>that man in white? He’s never seen him before. He was definitely a miraculous user; no human could sneak up on him when he was Chat Noir. His voice sounded oddly familiar, which confused him. He did sound a little similar to himself, maybe that was it. And why and how did he team up with Mayura?</p><p>“I don’t know,” he answered honestly. “They easily took me down. I’m surprised I didn’t sense them coming.”</p><p>“Sense?” Nino asked almost jokingly.</p><p>“Yeah,” Adrien said dryly.</p><p>Nino stalled.</p><p>“How did this happen? Did you feel someone following you? Where was your bodyguard?” Alya continued as if Nino didn’t say anything.</p><p>“I don’t have one, not anymore.”</p><p>“Why not?”</p><p>Adrien didn’t answer, and instead closed his eyes and remembered a cold voice and strong arms holding him. He remembered how something inside him snapped and how painful it was. Then he remembered her running, and anger, so much anger as he lashed out.</p><p>And then… an akuma. The first one in years, flying towards…</p><p>Adrien covered his face with his hands, setting the ice pack off to the side. “I can’t believe I let this happen,” he said quietly.</p><p>There was a small silence between the three adults.</p><p>“Adrien, dude,” Nino spoke, calmly as he placed a hand on his shoulder. “It’s not your fault.”</p><p>“I let it happen,” he said, his voice coming out in a whine behind his hands. “I let it—”</p><p>“Adrien,” Alya soothed, her voice like warm water. “You’re not thinking straight—”</p><p>“Of course I’m not thinking straight! I let them <em>take her!” </em>he suddenly yelled, getting up from his seat and facing them.</p><p>His friends looked at him quizzically.</p><p>“Take who?” Alya asked.</p><p>Adrien covered his face as a sob threatened to force its way through his throat and past his lips, but he no longer cared as he half sobbed half spoke:</p><p>“My Lady,” he forced out, breaking into broken sobs.</p><p>The room fell dead silent.</p><p>“You’re…” Alya said slowly, her voice slightly panicked. “You’re <em>him.” </em></p><p>Adrien nodded slowly, not looking at them.</p><p>“You’re Chat Noir.”</p><p>He nodded again.</p><p>Silence again.</p><p>“And…” Alya continued after a moment, “And… and Marinette is…” Alya stepped away from the table as her eyes widened with fear, her fingers going into her hair as a look of stress crossed her eyes. She turned back to a cowering Adrien. “Who took her?”</p><p>“Mayura,” Adrien forced out, uncovering his face as he looked at his friends, no doubt tears running hot down his face. “Some man in white, and whoever now owns the butterfly miraculous.”</p><p>“The butterfly miraculous is out?” Alya asked incredulously, her expression taking one of shock. “And they have it? Why would Marinette do that?”</p><p>Adrien had to swallow back the sob making its way up his throat, pressing against his already aching chest.</p><p>“She…” he struggled, but his voice cracked, and he cleared his throat. “She did it to save me,” he said, looking up at them.  </p><p>Adrien finally cracked the barrier he’s created around his friends, telling them everything. He clearly told them that he was Chat Noir, and that Marinette was Ladybug. He told them about the sentimonster attack, how it was easier than they thought. Then he explained the mini torture session he had to go through while the new enemies demanded the butterfly miraculous. He told them how Ladybug had given in, how she handed it over, how she got him out of there before his secret identity was revealed to these new and old enemies.</p><p>He struggled out the part of them fighting and his deep anger towards her, how it hit her close to home because this was a sensitive topic for her. He explained how awful he felt about it, and how much he wished he could take his disgusting words back. Then, he noticed the akuma, how he watched as she struggled with it for a couple long, torturous minutes, then her one-word warning to run. Then how he took off running, climbing down the fire escape to evade her. How ran through the pouring rain, how he couldn’t see her, but he could hear her. His brief hiding from her, how he got away, and finally stopping at the part where he called Nino.</p><p>They all sat in silence for a long time.</p><p>“So…” Nino said, struggling with the amount of information that had just been thrust towards him. “So, Marinette is Ladybug… and Ladybug got… akumatised?”  </p><p>Without meeting their eyes, Adrien slowly nodded.</p><p>“I…” Alya started, then trailed off. “I never thought that she… that she would—” She stopped talking, her words getting caught in her throat.</p><p>It didn’t matter, all three of them already knew what she was going to say.</p><p>“It’s my fault,” Adrien claimed softly.</p><p>“Dude,” Nino said softly, laying a hand on his shoulder. “Don’t blame yourself for this.”</p><p>“Why not?” Adrien snapped, looking at his friends. “I made her upset, I blamed her, I’m the one that caused that stupid butterfly to come get her!” Adrien shrugged Nino’s hand off and walked into the living room, his friend’s following him with concerned gazes.</p><p>He raked his hands through his hair, glancing curtly at the TV blaring a news report, something about the weather, but he didn’t care. He tried to calm his breathing as well as his rising emotions, threatening to spill over in another cascade river of destruction.</p><p>In a more steady, controlled voice, he spoke.</p><p>“It’s my fault she’s out there, it’s my fault she got akumatised, and it’s <em>my fault </em>she’s been so <em>depressed </em>the last few years.” Adrien could feel hot tears squeezing through his shut tight eyelids again, and he struggled to keep his whimpers down. “It’s my fault she left, it’s my fault the city is against her, and it’s my fault she <em>punishes </em>herself for it.”</p><p>There was a long pause, one filled with Adrien’s controlled breathing.</p><p>“It’s just…” He shook his head and dropped his arms back to his sides, looking down shamefully. “It’s just all my fault.”</p><p>The room was silent as the waves of emotions rocked the room. They could practically feel the tension between the three friends ready to burst into fits of insane wails. Adrien’s own mental state was holding on by a thread, struggling to remember how to save her, how he could help her. But no matter how hard he tried to think, his mind always rerouted back to the spot of despair.</p><p>The scene of the crash.</p><p>“It’s not… it’s not all your fault.”</p><p>Adrien, surprised from the claim, turned around slowly to face his friends. It was Alya who had spoken, and he stared at her, waiting for her explanation on why he had to share this blame with her.</p><p>“Like always, you want to take all the blame so that no one else gets hurt, Adrien,” Alya spoke, fiddling nervously with her fingers as her head bowed guiltily. “But in reality… you’re not the only one to blame.” She looked up at him then, tears brimming in her eyes.</p><p>Adrien just stared at her.</p><p>“I believed someone else instead of standing by her side, like what a best friend should do. Then when I found out she was Ladybug… I lost it. she was lying to me for years, and to find out like <em>that—” </em>she shook her head, remembering the memory. “—Out of the blue and when… when Chat Noir left…”</p><p>Adrien stayed silent.</p><p>“I was so concerned about how hurt I was I never considered how hurt <em>she was.” </em>Alya looked up at him and bit her lip, tears starting to run down her face and fall to the floor. “I left her when everyone else was leaving her,” she said, shaking her head as her lips bent down even more as emotions started taking over. “You’re not the only one to blame, Adrien.”</p><p>“I…” Nino stepped forward awkwardly, the other two turning towards him as he continued. “I should’ve done something to,” He said, jumping into the conversation. “I’ve known her the longest, and I should have figured… I should have known she is not someone who lies without reason or keeps secrets without context.” He shook his head, also accepting the blame going around the room. “We all should have done something more.”</p><p>There was no argument that left any of their mouths.</p><p>
  <em>“—no sign of Ladybug and Chat Noir—” </em>
</p><p>Adrien turned around and looked at the TV behind him, blaring a news broadcast while a worrisome reporter held a paper in front of her, and spoke with a tremor in her face.</p><p>“Nino, turn it up,” he called, staring at the screen.</p><p>He heard some shuffling around before the volume bar popped up on the top of the screen, the words of the lady talking on the screen becoming more prominent.</p><p><em>“—buildings are crumbling, monuments are destroyed and the Parisians running ramped in the streets. No one has caught sight of who or whatever is causing the chaos. Whatever this might be is no doubt something Ladybug and Chat Noir should handle. In the meantime, everyone should stay indoors, lock your houses, and keep your loved ones close.” </em>The reporter seemed to meet eyes with everyone in the room, the obvious nerves evident through the way she looked through the screen. <em>“Stay safe, Paris.” </em></p><p>Then it switched over to another reporter, his words falling flat to the ground after what had just been said. He took a serious tone as well and seemed to have a mourning expression on his face as he turned around to point at the screen behind him. Then, the screen changed from the standard news background to images of the damaged city.</p><p>Images and videos taken by numerous people and amateurs popped up on the screen, the man talking over them and sometimes letting the videos play. Buildings crumbled to the ground, cars and houses on fire, smoke billowing in the air, and families with children in their arms running from the destruction to seek shelter.</p><p>Adrien watched, horrified as the streets, the streets he is supposed to be protecting, turned to chaos. The still pouring rain wasn’t enough to put out the fires, the lightning only added to the blindness the rain caused, and the thunder rumbled across the entire city. Sounds of destruction, crumbling and screams filled the streets, and Adrien felt hopeless as he watched it all unfold like the hot piece of guilt growing in his chest.</p><p>Adrien raked his hands through his hair again, “She’s destroying the city,” he said, watching another building crumble, barely missing some woman. “She’s destroying all of it.”</p><p>“How is she moving so fast?” Alya asked in disbelief.</p><p>Adrien shook his head, “I don’t know.” He watched a car blow up on video and the person holding the camera was blown backwards as a pile of ash covered him, and he couldn’t watch anymore. He turned back to his friends, looking back and forth at them. “What I do know is I have to stop her.”</p><p>“You’re injured,” Nino observed.</p><p>“Then who?” Adrien challenged, his voice rising. “The police? The army?” He pointed back at the TV, not daring to look at it as another scream rippled through the air. “Trust me, they can’t stop her.” He reached for his shirt and threw it on, calling out Plagg’s name as he slipped it over his head.</p><p>“Plagg,” he said, once his kwami appeared in front of him as he adjusted his shirt. “Eat as much as you can, you’ll need your energy.”</p><p>Plagg, looking a little distraught and angry, flew through their fridge and no doubt started eating.</p><p>“You can’t just take her on your own,” Alya spoke up again, him turning to her as she did. “She’ll kill you.”</p><p>Adrien scoffed, “Thanks for the vote of confidence.”</p><p>“I’m serious, Adrien,” she said, her voice taking a softer, concerned tone.</p><p>“Well, so am I,” he said, gesturing at himself. “I’m the only person who’s half as strong as she is right now. I’m the only person that’s powerful enough to save her,” he stopped to take a breath, steadying himself. “I’m the only chance she’s got. Anyone else stepping in is at risk.”</p><p>“We can’t just let you do this alone,” Nino said, stepping forward. “Both of you guys are important to us; we want to help.”</p><p>Adrien turned back to him, a wave of appreciation for his friends coming over him. “I don’t think we have much of a choice.”</p><p>Nino’s eyes fell and he looked down, somewhat defeated in that moment as he went still. Adrien watched him for a moment, caught between feeling guilty and feeling relieved.</p><p><em>At least they’ll be safe</em>, he reminded himself.</p><p>“I’ve got an idea,” Nino suddenly said, jerking his head up to towards them with wide eyes. “I don’t know if it’ll work though.”</p><p>Adrien locked his jaw, squeezing his fists together as he considered.</p><p>He finally sighed and relaxed his jaw and hands, “I’ll take anything at this point.” He stepped forward and nodded for Nino to continue, “What’s the plan?”</p><p>.               .               .</p><p>His hunt was pointless.</p><p>This was the moment Chat Noir realized just how much the needle in the haystack term was correct. Because even with the trail of destruction leading around the city in waves of chaos and smoke, he couldn’t find any sight of her anywhere.</p><p>He finally stopped in the middle of a deserted street, the rain coming down hard and making it hard to see around him, but he could see the destruction. He could see just through the sheet of rain and the storm that the cars were lit on fire and the buildings were crumbling, and windows of nearby shops were shattered. The sight depressed him, and he turned around in a frantic yet slow circle with his eyes wide, looking for the cause of it all. Horrified at the destruction, he just watched as his city fell apart.</p><p>He couldn’t see a single person in sight, and the thought relieved him. He just hoped not too many lives get lost today, especially since Ladybug isn’t going to be able to bring them back.</p><p>As he watched the destruction around him, he became suddenly angry. The day has just been a shit show from the beginning. He knew it wasn’t her fault, but he was still mad at her, mad for no reason and he was ashamed of it. He was angry at the people for blaming her—no, <em>furious</em>. Her past enemies and friends, him included, for putting her through so much abandonment. After a victory years ago that should have been celebrated, Adrien moved away and Marinette almost gave up entirely. He was pissed with whoever now owned the butterfly miraculous, wanting to use his claws and tear them limb from limb to show them how angry and feral he could be.</p><p>Everyone. He was angry with everyone. Including himself.</p><p><em>Especially, </em>himself.</p><p>It was this anger that made him finally open his mouth.</p><p>“I’m right here!” he yelled, his voice echoing over the rain as it drenched him. “Come get me!”</p><p>There was a brief silence.</p><p>Until something landed behind him, and he spun around only to see some kind of figure kneeling in a crouch several feet in front of him.</p><p>Tentatively, he spoke. “My Lady?”</p><p>He couldn’t quite see her, but her figure stood to her full height, and her voice rang out, him hearing it clear as day as it sent chills down his spine.</p><p>“I am not your lady,” she said. “Not anymore.”</p><p>Chat studied the silhouette, “The girl under there would disagree.”</p><p>“Well,” she said, seeming to smile though the way her voice changed. “She’s not here right now.”</p><p>A roll of thunder ricocheted across the sky.</p><p>“So, who am I talking to?” he called over the rain.</p><p>There was another pause before the figure stepped forward, her figure finally coming into view.</p><p>Chat’s heart dropped when he saw her.</p><p>“You can call me Lady Miss Fortune,” she said, smiling darkly as the thunder followed her claim.</p><p>Her suit was polar opposite of her original, red spots with a black base color. Her mask was the same as her suit, matching colors with it and making her cold blue eyes look like a ghost’s. Her lips were painted black, the dark shade making her expression even more haunting. Worst of all, the necklace he had dropped from before was sitting on her chest, with the chain clasped around her neck, glistening in the rain almost mockingly.</p><p>Chat felt grief settle in his chest. It was like watching her die all over again.</p><p>“Marinette…” he called sadly.</p><p>Lady Miss Fortune laughed, a sickly, evil snort that chilled his bones and made his heart heavy.</p><p>He missed his Lady’s laugh.</p><p>“You calling to your little Princess?” she said, her tone taking a high pitch squeal as she mocked him. “Well, I’ll take a message or whatever, Marinette seems…” she looked at him and smiled darkly. “Quiet.”</p><p>Chat shook his head, “I don’t believe that,” he said, studying her. “She’s still fighting under there. I can feel it.”</p><p>She snorted, “If she is, she’s not trying hard enough,” she said, turning to step to the side. “I’m sorry to say that… well, she’s given up.” She smiled, “She’s too broken to fight any longer, Chat Noir.” She shrugged and picked up her yo-yo, studying it for a moment, “You should just give up now. Either that or I’ll kill you.”</p><p>“I’m not leaving,” he said, watching her for a long moment. “I’m so sorry, Marinette… I’m going to set you free.”</p><p>“You can try,” Lady Miss Fortune said, sounding lazy. “But I’m willing to bet that you won’t last that long either.”</p><p>Chat was the one who snorted this time, reaching behind him and taking out his baton. “We’ll see,” he said, extending it then widening his ready stance.</p><p>“Finally!” she cried, looking almost relieved as she readied her stance as well. “Enough talking,” she said, taking her yo-yo and spinning it next to her. It created a dark illuminated shadow, not the pink glow her real one made. She sneered at him, “Any last words before I break every bone in your body?”</p><p>Chat stared at her, more saddened than angry now.</p><p>“I’ll save you.”</p><p>Miss Fortune smiled, “There’s nothing left to save Chat Noir,” she said, an evil glint in her eyes. “She’s already dead.”</p><p>He shook his head in denial, “Marinette, if you can hear me, I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere,” he said, gripping his baton harder. “I just hope I stay alive long enough to save you,” he mumbled to himself.</p><p>She sneered at him, becoming impatient. “C’mon already!” she yelled, before she rushed forward, a fierce and wild look in her eyes as she attacked like she’s gone insane.</p><p>Chat sprinted to meet her.</p><p>Yelling battle cries, their weapons clashed in a harsh roll of light, just as lightning struck and as thunder rolled across the sky, a drum for the battle to come.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>"HAPPY I SWEAR TO ALL THINGS GOOD IF YOU LEAVE US ON ANOTHER CLIFFHANGER-" </p><p>whoops. <br/>Sorry XD</p><p>Hope you guys are enjoying the suspense, it's looking kind of... kind of rough up there, no? </p><p>Aw well, see you guys in the next chapter!<br/>~happt</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0024"><h2>24. Repent</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Alya and Nino are on a mission, while Chat Noir is fighting for his life... and his love.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>EVERYONE READ PLEASE IMPORTANT:</p><p>WARNINGS: VERY Graphic Depictions of Violence, Harsh Profanity and Language, Triggered Mania and Insanity, Mentioning or Self-Harm</p><p>Guys, literally be careful about this chapter. Things will get bloody, things will get messy and there are a lot of EMOTIONS and SADNESS. </p><p>This fight is extremely hard for Chat Noir to face, and the turmoil it will leave Ladybug in isn't explained till the next chapter, but know that there are pretty scary things in this chapter. </p><p>Please be careful, but I hope you like the chapter anyway &lt;3<br/>~Happt</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chapter 24: Repent</p><p> </p><p>Alya couldn’t decide if she was hesitating or if she was stalling. Her fingers tensed and closed into a fist every other second, and when they weren’t fisted into tight grips, she was wiggling them around anxiously. She knew this was her normal reaction to anxiety, especially when she was staring at the problem directly.</p><p>Which just so happened to be the wooden door in front of her.</p><p>She took a deep breath before reaching out, tentatively taking the doorknob and twisting. She pushed it open carefully, letting go of it as gravity took affect and pulled it towards the wall. It made a loud creaking sound as it slowly opened, knocking against the wall behind it as it stopped swinging outwards. As she looked inside, she felt a chill go up her spine as an eerie feeling crossed the room, and the door finally came still against the wall.</p><p>Alya noticed the curtains moving on the other side of the room, the window open near the curtains as they moved with the storm wind as it blew inside the apartment. She cast her gaze more around the room and found several things littered on the floor, pillows, magazines, and the coffee table was slightly off center. There was a mostly eaten cookie on the counter on top of a napkin with crumbs littered around it, as well as dishes half washed in the sink.</p><p>“She must’ve left in quite a hurry,” Nino observed, coming up behind her and looking around the room as well.</p><p>Alya nodded in response but didn’t say anything.</p><p>As they made their way more into the apartment, they noticed the eerie darkness around the room that made it all the more haunting. As if a ghost was living in it before they walked in. The apartment was dark as the stepped more into it, the light from the hallway outside filtering in through the threshold. She looked around carefully with a tremor in her chest, taking slow measured steps like the floor might blow up from under her.</p><p>It didn’t blow up; it merely creaked under her weight.</p><p>Alya took a steady breath as she heard Nino shut the door softly behind her, cutting off the soft glow the hallway light gave the apartment. Now it was just cold and haunted, much like a ghost house would feel after a hundred years of vacancy.</p><p>She almost jumped out of her skin when she felt Nino’s hands on her shoulders, his featherlike touch relaxing her muscles a little despite the anxiety and guilt running through her body.</p><p>“You okay?” Nino asked softly.</p><p>Alya sighed and nodded, reaching up and patting one of his hands on her shoulder.</p><p>“We should try and find it,” he spoke again, reaching his hand down and taking hers. He gently tugged her down the hallway of the apartment, entering even thicker darkness than before.</p><p>They passed a bathroom, which was dark and shrouded with shadows, and Alya couldn’t tell what lie beyond the cloak of darkness. They continued down the hallway until they found a door, wide open, which lead to a room with a desk, bed, a closet, and several pieces of clothing littered around the floor.</p><p>But they weren’t drawn to the messy room, rather the wide open, red and black spotted box on the floor. Several compartments of the round magical box were opened, holding many individual jewels that seemed to hum with power. In the center of them all were the places which the most powerful miraculouses lay. Although, she could only see three of the sections were filled with the bee, turtle and fox miraculouses, while the black cat, ladybug, butterfly and peacock sections remained empty.</p><p>“She left it wide open,” Alya said, turning back to Nino who had his gaze fixated on the opened box.</p><p>“Good thing to,” he said quietly, still staring at it. “We would’ve had to figure out the code.”</p><p>Alya turned back to the glowing box on the floor, watching the dust dance around it like a bunch of sparkles in the dim lighting.</p><p>“Yeah,” she said quietly, watching the box hum.</p><p>Nino placed a hand on her shoulder, “Babe,” he said, tugging her a little so she’d look at him. “He’s gonna need us soon. We should hurry,” he said, his eyes carefully studying her.</p><p>She hadn’t realized she was holding her breath until she released a shaky one from her chest, it rattling inside her. She looked back at the Miracle Box on the floor and swallowed hard before she stepped forward and into the room lit by just the dim pink glow.</p><p>They both carefully approached the Miracle Box as if it was going to explode in front of them. They carefully kneeled in front of it, side by side and stared at it for a long moment, caught between amazement and hesitation. The box seemed to give off a powerful hum, like it was charged with several volts of electricity. A soft glow vibrated along with the hum of energy, lighting up the room and creating shadows in the corners and crevices of the small living space.</p><p>At the same time, Alya and Nino reached for their miraculouses, carefully taking the jewels from their section in the middle. The box, even if it was emanating a powerful protective field around it, did not snap at them as they retracted their hands rather quickly.</p><p>They both stared at the box for a moment, gripping their jewels in their hands.</p><p>“We should close this,” Nino said softly.</p><p>Alya only nodded as she reached for one side of the box while he reached for the other. The compartments slid inside the box once more like little drawers, and together, they carefully closed the top and tucked the aura away. The powerful hum that once filled the room, quickly snapped to silence as the Miracle Box was fully shut.</p><p>Alya wordlessly took one side and slide it away from Nino, pushing it back under the bed where it seemed to come from. She shoved some clothes and shoes in front of it, hiding it from whoever would look under the bed if they went looking for it. Once it was hard to see, Alya slowly slid back and cast her eyes up on the bed with the rumpled bed sheets and blankets, pulled back as it waited for its owner to return.</p><p>“Let’s go,” Nino said softly as Alya continued to stare wordlessly at the empty, ghosted bed.</p><p>She nodded wordlessly as she got up from the floor with him, taking his hand as they slowly left the room. She followed him out of the room and down the hallway towards the main living area, where the curtains still drifted back in forth as if a ghost was playing with them. The shadows seemed to follow them as they walked past the living space then through the kitchen towards the main door of the apartment.</p><p>Nino opened it and stepped out of it first, turning to wait for her outside as she followed. She reached out and took the doorknob and began to twist her arm to shut the door behind her.</p><p>But she stopped, hesitating as the door stopped just inches from its frame, her hand still gripping the door handle as she stared at the floor.</p><p>A thousand things went through her head in that moment, as if her thoughts were screaming at her to do something about it, to say something. But she couldn’t, she didn’t have the right to do such a thing. She didn’t even know what she was supposed to say, do or think about; what she was turning her back on, and she didn’t even realize exactly who or what she was supposed to be saying something to.</p><p>But even with confusion written in her mind, a blank space that awaited to be filled with an answer, she ended up turning around anyway, looking back into the shrouded apartment that blended in with the shadows. It was a wall of darkness and eeriness that clouded the room, like a dark cloak of heaviness that covered it from head to toe.</p><p>The apartment seemed to hide the essence of a lost soul in agony.</p><p>And she could almost hear the screams.</p><p>Alya gripped the handle harder, looking around the room.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” she whispered to the darkness, because that’s all she could say.</p><p>And since it was all she could do in that moment anyway, she slowly turned around, pulling the door with her, and it clicked shut behind her.</p><p>The screams stopped.</p><p>.               .               .</p><p>Chat Noir was tired. He could feel the exhaustion sinking in his limbs, the lead spreading through his body and slowly turning it solid. He could almost taste the salt on his tongue from the bitter statue he was bound to turn into, since he was the one that sinned and looked back at the burning city.</p><p>But no, it wasn’t the salt of his future forever, it was the salty dryness his tears came with.</p><p>But he couldn’t focus on that now.</p><p>He was in the middle of a fight.</p><p>Chat flew against a wall, barely able to catch his own staff that had been ripped from his grasp earlier as it was shoved towards his throat. He caught it in his hands and resisted against the impossible strength of the cold eyes in front of him.</p><p>Her eyes bore into his, the cold blue stare looking haunted under that black mask that she wore.</p><p>Chat used the leverage he had against the wall and jerked his baton upwards, smacking the tip of it against Lady Miss Fortune’s temple. She stumbled backwards with a howl of pain from the suddenness of the attack, letting go of his baton and reaching up to her head. While she was distracted, he twisted to the side and slammed his foot against her stomach, sending her flying several feet backwards with a few tumbles until she fell flat on her back.</p><p>She lied there on her back, her arms spread out as her chest heaved up and down since the wind got knocked out of her.</p><p>Chat struggled to push himself to his feet since he almost completely collapsed from exhaustion right after that desperate attack on her. He grunted as he used his baton to push himself up, his limbs trembling from the sheer exhaustion he was feeling. She was a powerful being now that she was akumatised, most likely having ten times more strength and power than before. Which meant he had to tire himself every time he grabbled with her, this fight between them requiring him to use every ounce of strength he’s got.</p><p>He groaned as his legs trembled beneath him, shaking at the knees. He was no doubt going to pass out if—<em>when </em>he saved her.</p><p>With shaking legs, Chat pushed himself the rest of the way off the ground, leaning on his baton for support before carefully approaching her, limping since he injured his leg earlier while fighting her. As he neared her, he let his baton fall to his right hand and rest against his elbow and past the back of his arm.</p><p>When he reached her, he let the tip, stained with blood, hover above her face as she took a shaky breath and pushed her head up off the ground to look at him.</p><p>“Yield,” he demanded, steadying his own breath as he met her steely gaze.</p><p>The roll of thunder ricocheted across the sky, making their silence between each other all the more tense. The sky above leaked heavy droplets of water that splattered loudly once they hit the ground. The storm amidst the storm between the two superheroes could never hold so much symbolism between this historic, tragic event. </p><p>She smirked up at him, her bangs plaster against her forehead from the rain and her pigtails dripping wet and messy from the storm. Her dark smile could be seen through the storm as if a haunted ghost owned it.</p><p>“So demanding,” she forced out, half rolling to the side to spit out a glob of blood before turning back to him, the smile still plastered on her face. “I’ve always liked ‘em demanding.” She groaned as she pushed herself up to her elbows, and he stepped forward to put the tip of his baton closer to her face, and she looked up at him.</p><p>“Stay down,” he said, his voice cracking from emotion. “I don’t want to hurt you anymore.”</p><p>Her face bent in fake sympathy, “Aw, I’m sorry,” she said, batting her eyelashes like a sweet, innocent girl.</p><p>Suddenly, she lashed out at him, kicking his baton and knocking it away with a swing of her leg. She locked his ankles together so fast before he could even react, then twisted her body, forcing him to lose his balance and fall over on his back. She readjusted her position quickly, using her legs to pin his waist and legs to the ground, grabbing his wrist and pulling it harshly, making him cry out in pain as she jerked it up.</p><p>“I’m not done yet,” she all but purred in his ear.</p><p>Chat reached up with his other arm and tore one of her arms off his wrist before locking his elbow with hers quickly. Before she had time to react, he flipped them, jerking her body over his and making her face plant into the cement, which had her grunting in pain.</p><p>The move made it easy to roll on top of her and grab her wrists, pining her arms to the ground and using his legs to pin her struggling legs down.</p><p>“Stop fighting me!” Chat begged, struggling to keep her squirming body on the ground. “Let me help you!”</p><p>She somehow got her legs free from under him and tucked them up to her chest between their bodies. She pressed her feet against his chest before shoving him hard with her strong legs, the move sending him flying hard and fast backwards.</p><p>The street they were in momentarily blurred as he went airborne, before crashing hard on the ground and rolling several feet from his landing spot.</p><p>Once he was able to make out that he was still alive, Chat groaned loudly as his body screamed at him, his body aching from the several hits he’s already taken today.</p><p>He put a hand on the ground and pushed off the wet cement that bounced large water droplets into his eyes as the rain kept coming down from above, and finally stood to his feet with a trembling body. When he was upright again, he saw Lady Miss Fortune slowly approaching him, her figure becoming more discernible.</p><p>“Has it crossed your mind that maybe I don’t want to be saved?” she asked, stopping several yards away from him, spinning her yo-yo next to her. “I mean, where were you when I needed you? Huh? Where were you when I was <em>hurting</em> <em>myself</em>?!”</p><p>Chat flinched at the mention of her self-harm, and watched her, his heart tearing in two at the way her eyes looked. They were filled with agony, pain, betrayal, disgust, and most of all, hatred. Those emotions should not be in her eyes, not when her soul was the brightest one he’s ever met.</p><p>“I never meant to hurt you,” he called softly to her, trying to find her behind those dark, hateful eyes. “I’m sorry I did, but you’re not thinking straight right now. I know you’re in there, Marinette, but I need you to keep fighting.”</p><p>He looked into her eyes and he swore he saw her falter.</p><p>“Please,” he begged, taking a single step forward. “Let me help you.”</p><p>She actually paused for a moment, looking off to the side and stopping her yo-yo, it hanging limply from her hand on the string. Chat approached her slowly, making sure she heard every step he took in order not to startle her in any way. He got to be three feet in front of her, before she tensed, turning her head away from him and closing her eyes, knowing how close he was.</p><p>“I can see you fighting in there,” he said, watching her. “But you need to let me in, alright?”</p><p>She stayed silent, so he took another step towards her.</p><p>“Let me in,” he said quietly, reaching up for her necklace, trying to be discrete about it.</p><p>She sensed him a mile away.</p><p>She lashed out and grabbed his wrist, moving it to the side forcefully before twisting him around. He spun until his back faced her, and she used her foot to kick him forward, making him stumble away from her.</p><p>“I told you,” she said, readying her yo-yo again next to her as Chat turned around again to look at her. “I’m good as it.”</p><p>She lunged at him and threw her yo-yo at his torso. Chat dodged and rolled to the side, coming up fast enough to block a fist coming at his face from her, but not fast enough to see the knee coming for his side. It slammed into him and he let out a harsh puff of air from the way his lungs expelled air forcefully. He naturally keeled over from the blow and she grabbed his head, before slamming his face into her knee, making a stream of blood come out of his nostrils.</p><p>She grabbed his shoulders and harshly pushed him backwards, making him crash through the front window of some antique shop, glass and pottery pots breaking all around him.</p><p>Chat barely rolled to the side in time to dodge her hand, reaching out to grab him through the broken window. He lashed out and grabbed her wrist, yanking her against him as he stood up to meet her weight, her crashing against his chest as he wrapped his arms around her neck and head in a headlock. She stumbled against his grasp and sudden move, but he held fast as she struggled and clawed at his arm holding onto her neck.</p><p>Her struggled faded slightly and she instead took that moment to catch her breath, him doing the same as he held her fast against him, refusing to let go of her. She still tugged on his arm to try and set herself free from him, but he wasn’t letting go, and, even though she had a super power up, she was getting tired as well.</p><p>“Why don’t you just kill me now?” she asked, making his heart drop to his stomach from how simple she put it. “It’d be much easier to get it over with than fight against me more, trying to get to my akuma.”</p><p>She tried lurching in his arms at another attempt at escape, and her attempt was well executed. It took him a moment to strain against her and readjust his grip on her to make her stay in his arms.</p><p>“I’m not going to kill you,” he said, tightening his grip.</p><p>She laughed dryly, but it sounded strained from the headlock he had her in. “Yeah, this headlock is completely not hazardous,” she said, again trying to yank herself free, but he held her fast. “One twist of the head and then it’s over, Chat Noir,” she said, tugging on his arm around her neck harder, but it was no use. “Make your choice. Kill me, or be killed.”</p><p>“Neither,” he answered immediately. “I’m going to save you.”</p><p>He could hear the smirk that appeared on her face. “Good luck with that.”</p><p>Her elbow came back and hit him in his side, making him cry out in pain and forced to let her go. She turned around and pushed him hard against the brick wall behind him by his shoulders, sneering darkly at him as she pined him there with her strength.</p><p>“I can hear her, you know,” she said, while bringing her fist slowly back and behind her. “Marinette.”</p><p>She tensed and punched him hard in the face while holding him against the wall by his clavicle with the other hand. His head jerked to the side and pain immediately exploded in the side of his head, an uncomfortable warmth sprouting like fire over his cheek.</p><p>“She’s always screaming in my head,” Lady Miss Fortune continued, grabbing him by the neck suddenly and pining his head in place. “Right now, she’s <em>begging </em>me to stop.” She reeled back quickly and socked him hard in the face, making more blood gush from his nostrils and he let his throbbing head fall back against the wall behind him.</p><p>“But you know something?” she said, inspecting her bloody knuckles before casually wiping them off on her suit. She pulled her fist back again behind her head, smirking at him darkly as she continued, “I’m not going to stop—”</p><p>Another punch on his jaw made his head jerk to the side.</p><p>“—Until every bone—”</p><p>A punch in his stomach.</p><p>“—In your body—”</p><p>A hard punch on his temple.</p><p>“—Is broken.”</p><p>She reached up higher and grabbed him harshly around his neck, lifting him up against the wall as his feet dangled off the ground. He struggled for breath, his vision immediately going hazy as the lack of air forced suction cups up in his brain, making him feel like the life was being sucked out of him. Blood mixed with saliva poured over his lips as he suffocated from the lack of air.</p><p>“So,” she said, watching him with a satisfied grin before lifting her fist again, marked with his blood. “Let’s see how long you last under <em>my </em>control.”</p><p>She tensed to throw the next punch when—</p><p>“My Lady,” Chat struggled out, his hands gripping her wrist.</p><p>She froze as her eyes widened, surprised.</p><p>“Please,” he practically whined as tears fell from his eyes. “Please… stop.”</p><p>Everything went silent for a moment. A roll of thunder boomed across the sky as the pouring rain against the asphalt and Chat’s staggered breathing filed the silence of her hesitation.</p><p>Chat let out a desperate cry as he gripped her wrist harder and forced it to the side, his feet dropping to the ground. He twisted her arm and then bent down to roll her body onto his shoulders, the motion easy since she was surprised. He spun her around fast before gaining the momentum he needed to let go of her and throw her upwards, the adrenaline and need to breath forcing himself to get her away from him. When he let go of her, she flew over the top of the buildings, her screaming as he did.</p><p>When she fell out of sight and there was a loud crash somewhere off in the distance, he took that moment to collapse to one knee, taking a few moments to breath and clear his head.</p><p>His lungs ached from the lack of air and the desperate attempt to get her away from him. He hated that he hurt her most likely, from the loud crash in the distance that was most likely her, but if he wanted to save her, he had to stay alive. Besides, her suit would most likely absorb most of the impact and protect her body.</p><p>But that didn’t mean it still hurt her.</p><p><em>Just a little longer, </em>he told himself, taking a second to steady his breathing. <em>They can’t be much longer. </em></p><p>With a grunt and a lot of self-discipline, Chat was able to force himself off the ground. He braced himself against the wall for a moment as he wiped his nose, shoving most of the blood off his face. He spat out a few globs of saliva and blood from his mouth, leaving a metallic taste, before he finally looked skyward, in the direction he threw her.</p><p>He looked to the side and saw his baton lying there in the rain, luckily it hadn’t gone far.</p><p>He groaned as he limped to it, his legs aching from all the strain he’s put them under today so far. He must have landed on them weirdly a couple times as well, which doesn’t help his situation at all. He reached down and grabbed his baton once he neared it, inspecting it for any damage. Luckily, his weapon seemed unharmed and it was just as invincible as his suit was, so he didn’t have to worry about it.</p><p>He turned and walked across the street, using his baton as a walking stick since his legs weren’t being of much help right now. Once he reached the building across from where he was at, he used his stick to extend himself above the building, landing safely on the rooftop.</p><p>He couldn’t see much through the still raging storm, but he looked around for her anyway. He could see pretty fine through the water coming down, but he caught no sign of her anywhere, even when he did a full circle. It’s almost as if she disappeared, or she was still completely conscious when she landed and she snuck off to hide, or she left.</p><p>He momentarily panicked whether or not she left or not.</p><p>But he calmed himself that he highly doubted she could have simply gotten up after that fall. It’s a hard blow to take, even for a superhero, nevertheless a super charged one.</p><p>He was just about to search further when he saw it, on the building across from the one he was on. A large hole was caved in from the roof, the rain falling through it and landing inside.</p><p>Chat moved towards it, jumping across an alleyway to get to it. He landed on the roof of some kind of warehouse, the roof old looking and from his first glance down the hole from the side, there were crates and boxes inside. He reached the hole and stopped just before the opening, looking down inside and searching for any sign of her.</p><p>He felt his heart drop when he spotted her.</p><p>She was conscious, but she was clearly immobile at the moment. Dust covered her face from the debris that settled around her, plastering to her face as the rain continued to pour down on her. There were tear stains running down the side of her face, her eyes squeezed shut and tight as she seemed to cry but also refused to show it, but her body forced her to. Her chest heaved up and down in hollow, shattered breaths as she struggled for air that seemed to refuse entering her lungs. Cement debris was littered all around her from the crash and falling through the roof, and her limbs were splayed around her like a helpless rag doll.</p><p>The rain was still pouring down on her as she struggled to breath.</p><p>With a heavy heart, Chat jumped through the hole, being careful to make his feet land on either side of her torso as he stood above her to his full height.</p><p>It was his landing that made her open her eyes to look at him.</p><p>For a second, she looked like his lady.</p><p>“Stop fighting me,” he said quietly, crouching down and reaching for her necklace. “Let me help you, Marinette.”</p><p>She looked so vulnerable and weak that Chat thought he had her.</p><p>Lady Miss Fortune suddenly grabbed his wrist and used his weight against him, throwing him off balance then lurching him several feet to the side. He was barely able to get up from this sudden attack before her feet slammed into his chest, sending him through the wall and out into the rain again.</p><p>The rain hit him again as he landed on his back on the wet asphalt, the air getting knocked out of his lungs again. He lay there for a second, struggling for breath before he saw the flying figure coming straight at him from above.</p><p>He was barely able to move out of the way before she slammed a foot where he just was, creating a dent in the asphalt. He stood up quickly and backed away from her fast, putting as much distance between him and her as he could.</p><p>“I am <em>not</em> Marinette anymore!” she screamed at him; her eyes crazy while streaking tears down her face as she turned to him. Her body was seething with rage as she continued, “I am Lady Miss Fortune!”</p><p>“I know you’re hurting but you don’t want to be this!” Chat cried back to her, not stopping the emotion in his voice from reaching her, for all he knew this could be his last chance to save her. “Come back to me Marinette!”</p><p>“I’m not Marinette!” she screamed, running for him, but she was so angered and raged that it was easy to dodge her, and she ran past him a few steps.</p><p>“<em>YOU </em>did this to me!” she screamed at him, turning back to him. “You’re the one that broke my <em>fucking heart</em>!”</p><p>“Let me fix it!” he yelled back, watching her as angry tears ran down her face, mixing with the water coming from the sky above them. “Let me save you!”</p><p>“NO!” She screamed, real emotion in her voice as she pointed at him. “YOU DID THIS LAST TIME! IF I LET YOU IN, I’M GOING TO <em>FUCKING DIE AGAIN</em>!”</p><p>“I WON’T LET YOU DIE!” He shouted over the storm, desperation in his voice. “I’M NOT LETTING YOU DIE!”</p><p>“THEN I’M GOING TO HAVE TO KILL YOU!” She cried back, a sob escaping her mouth as she brought out her yo-yo, sobs racking her body. “I’M GOING TO HAVE TO KILL YOU, CHAT NOIR, AND I <em>DON’T WANT TO!” </em></p><p>“THEN DON’T!” he cried back to her. “FIGHT AGIANST THE AKUMA MARINETTE! <em>FIGHT IT</em>!”</p><p>“I CAN’T!” she screamed back. “I CAN’T CHAT NOIR! <em>RUN</em>!”</p><p>“I’M NOT RUNNING!” He called back to her, feeling his own tears welling up in his eyes as he locked eyes with her. “<em>I’M STAYING</em> MY LADY!”</p><p>She could only stare back at him after that, her entire body was trembling violently in the cold rain and the fight going on inside her. Her mind fought against her heart, and her body fought against its nature to move in for the kill. Everything in that moment seemed to still. Their breathing, their bodies, the battle; even the rain and the storm seemed to still during this tense moment.</p><p>And during that moment was the perfect time to act.</p><p>But Chat Noir wasn’t the one that acted.</p><p>And it happened so fast.</p><p>A flash of green suddenly knocked Lady Miss Fortune to her knees, her crying out as she fell forward. Her yo-yo skidded several feet to her left, out of her reach unless she moved.</p><p>But when she did move to grab it, a chain suddenly lashed out and wrapped around her right wrist, yanking her back and away from her yo-yo. Another chain wrapped around her left wrist and yanked her arm away from her body, and the sudden strain on her body made her cry out in pain.</p><p>Chat could only stare in horror.</p><p>Because there she was, completely soaked, tears streaking down her face, her eyes looking around in a panic, on her knees and chained to the spot… at his mercy.</p><p>Chat has never seen a worse sight.</p><p>“Chat!” she called frantically, and he flinched from how similar her voice sounded to her real voice. Her tone was panicked as she flung her wild eyes to meet his. “Chat! Help me!”</p><p>He couldn’t move.</p><p>“Chat Noir!”</p><p>He was surprised because the voice hadn’t come from the unrecognizable being in front of him, rather off to his right, he saw a green figure holding tightly to a chain that was shaking as she thrashed against the chains.</p><p>Carapace stood several feet to his right, holding the chain with both hands, holding Lady Miss Fortune down. He didn’t even hear him yelling at him at first.</p><p>“Chat Noir! Do it Now!”</p><p>He looked back at the thrashing being in front of him, her wild eyes and her teeth snarling in the air, her mouth producing unholy noises as her animalistic instincts took over. Her need to survive overruled all common sense from her body and she fought against the chains, her body taking over and letting instinct rule that moment. Drool poured over her mouth and sobs and growls rose from her chest, blood dripping from wounds on her head and from her mouth. She looked like a caveman for a long moment, her human features drowning beneath the surface as her will, need and instinct to survive took over her body and her mind.</p><p>She looked manic.</p><p>And for a moment, he didn’t know who, or what, he was looking at.</p><p>It was the flash of the necklace around her neck that jump started his body.</p><p>He rushed forward, collapsing to his knees in front of the snarling animal chained up in front of him. He grabbed the back of her neck and forced her to stop moving, for fear if he just tried to grab it, he could hurt her more than necessary.</p><p>“Hey, hey, stop, stop, it’s okay,” he cooed, trying to get her to calm down. “You’re going to be okay, you’re okay.”</p><p>She still wouldn’t look at him, her wild eyes still panicked as she avoided his gaze. A loud whine escaped her mouth, the unholy noise sounding inhumane as she fought against him. The noise broke his heart a thousand times over. </p><p>“Hey,” he called gently, watching her eyes. He shook her gently, and this made her meet his eyes. “Hey, you’re going to be okay.”</p><p>She stopped, and closed her mouth as she looked at him, confusion overcoming her face for a moment before she recognized him, and her face broke the animalistic mask she was wearing. Her eyes widened so fast he was scared her eyes were going to fall out of her head, but she just contorted her face as more tears welled up in her eyes.</p><p>She broke down in sobs and new tears fell down her face, bowing her head in shame and guilt as she realized what she had done, and what she had just shown him.</p><p>The ugliest parts of her, the animalistic parts of her, the <em>worst </em>parts of her.</p><p>He didn’t say much as he reached out to her, gently taking the necklace away from her chest, but she flinched, and he looked up at her in concern.</p><p>“Please stop hurting me,” she said, not meeting his eyes and continuing to bow her head. “Please just… just… stop…”</p><p>Her voice sounded so broken it was hard to make his own voice work.</p><p>He shook his head, “I’m sorry,” he said softly, rubbing the back of her neck soothingly to calm her. He let go of her necklace and reached out to tuck a stray strand behind her ear, the wet hair plastering to her head. “I’m sorry, I’ll stop, okay?” he looked at her with grief in his heart. “I’m so… so sorry, My Lady.”</p><p>She sobbed and leaned into his touch, his hand cupping her cheek gently. “Please, make the noise stop,” she said, her voice broken as tears rolled down her cheeks. “Please, make it stop.”</p><p>He nodded, “Okay, hold still, alright?” he soothed, before reaching down and getting a firmer grip on the charm resting on her chest.</p><p>He took the charm in his hand and didn’t hesitate to rip it from her neck, her flinching in turn.</p><p>The purple butterfly flew from the broken necklace and into the air, and Chat quickly enclosed it in his hand. He forced his emotions down, not giving the akuma the chance to use him as well.</p><p>Besides, who knew how badly that could end up being?</p><p>Knowing he had to free her from her akuma and since he couldn’t just let the akuma go, he knew he only had one option in this moment. And although this thing caused many casualties around Paris, it still pained him to do this at all.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” he whispered to the butterfly trapped between his hands. “Cataclysm.”</p><p>He watched as the ash spilt from between his fingers.</p><p>He looked down at the being below him, kneeling down carefully as the darkness slipped away from her body. He could feel the relief settling in his chest as he watched the dark cloud passing from her body and into nothing.</p><p>Ladybug, slightly dazed and in her original red and black spotted suit, looked up and into his eyes with a hazy look.</p><p>“Chat…?” she called softly.</p><p>“Hey,” he said gently, trying for a small smile. “You okay?”</p><p>“My… my arms…”</p><p>He quickly reached out and tugged on the chains around her wrist, being careful not to hurt her anymore as he let them drop from her arms. Once she broke free from the trap, she slumped forward and Chat caught her as she leaned into him, immediately passing out in his arms.</p><p>He looked up as Carapace and Rena Rouge approached them, looking skeptical and nervous as they stopped beside them.</p><p>“Is she…?” Rena asked, her question rhetorical.</p><p>Chat nodded as he held Ladybug, making sure she was breathing, which she was.</p><p>“Hey,” Carapace said, grabbing his attention. “I hate to interrupt but we should get her outta here before people show up.”</p><p>Chat nodded slowly and moved, slipping his arms under her and delicately lifting her over his shoulder. He held onto her legs with one arm as he stood, following Rena Rouge and Carapace into a nearby alleyway. They found a fire escape and Chat hauled himself up using one arm before he swung himself over the side of the railing and onto the landing, before making his way up the stairs.</p><p>When they reached the rooftop, Chat carefully laid Ladybug against a chimney, watching her as she breathed. He sat by her legs, holding his legs to his chest as he watched her, his eyes never leaving her unconscious face.</p><p>“Is she awake?” Carapace asked, approaching them.</p><p>Chat shook his head, “She passed out.”</p><p>“Will she be okay?” Rena asked, sitting next to Carapace.</p><p>Chat turned back to his friends, who sat across from him and on the other side of Ladybug. He then turned his gaze to the side, watching the buildings burn and crumble all over the city. He watched everything shatter into a million pieces, and the city of Paris just crumbled beneath the weight of the attack they just suffered. The destruction <em>she</em> caused.</p><p>“Not after she sees that,” he finally said, using his head to gesture around the crumbling city.</p><p>The rain stopped after a few minutes, as if the skies above knew the worst of it was over.</p><p>At least, for now.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Alright guys, how we doing? We okay? Don't mind me just dropping this steaming pile of angst in your way and just leaving it there to rot. </p><p>I promise I love you guys lol &lt;3<br/>Insta: @being_happy_official<br/>~Happt</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0025"><h2>25. Paralyzed</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>She wakes up from her nightmare, only to find a worse reality.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>WARNINGS: Triggered Panic Attacks, Descriptions of Blood, Profanity and Harsh Things said, and DESCRIPTIONS OF SELF-HARM. </p><p>The self-harm isn't until after the second page break. It's the final scene of the chapter.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chapter 25: Paralyzed</p><p> </p><p>Cold.</p><p>The only thing she knew was cold.</p><p>She doesn’t remember why she was cold, or how she got there. She was just so… cold.</p><p>It was like her mind was stuck in an endless void, a limbo filled with nightmares and torture devices all that would make her lose her mind. Everything like this, everything that defined pain, everything that defined cold, was there. They lurked beneath the waters, like the loch ness monster ready to jump out and snatch up its first victim tonight. Only tonight, Marinette was the victim, and she was the one strung up and tied upside down, slowly being lowered into the dark waters.</p><p>She couldn’t even hear herself scream.</p><p>
  <em>Marinette. </em>
</p><p>Suddenly, she was upright, standing in just a tread of water barely covering her feet. The surface beneath was just as cold as everything else in this giant nightmare room that seemed endless. She looked around frantically, her feet planted and almost molded into the floor by her own will. She was just way to scared to move from the safe spot, in case the water around her led to a drop into the depths.</p><p>
  <em>Hey, can you hear me? </em>
</p><p>“Where are you?!” she cried, screaming back into the void. Her voice didn’t even echo back at her, it just kept flowing into the cloak of darkness.</p><p>She could see, but she couldn’t at the same time.</p><p><em>Listen, </em>the voice said, clearer now, it was warm and gentle, almost as if they were trying to sooth her awake. <em>Can you wake up for me? </em></p><p>“I can’t!” she screamed back, hoping they’d hear her, but she felt like she was screaming at a wall.</p><p>
  <em>You’re okay, you just need to wake up, Marinette. </em>
</p><p>She pressed her hands over her ears, the white noise suddenly invading her mind and waters flooding past her borders. She cried out as she fell to her knees, panting and shouting as the piercing headache seemed to chase away all peace and tranquility, the limited amount she had.</p><p>
  <em>Wake up, Marinette. </em>
</p><p>“Wake up,” she told herself, squeezing her eyes shut.</p><p>
  <em>Wake up. </em>
</p><p>“Wake up!”</p><p>She lurched forward and screamed, her vision blurry and fuzzy, the white noise the only thing she could hear besides the constant pounding of blood in her ears. She tried to make sense of the moving images in front of her, but all she could see was the distorted figures moving about and they were close. They were so close it made her panic more; not only were they close, she could feel them grabbing her, grabbing at her thrashing arms and legs, to pin her down.</p><p>Unable to see or hear, she fought their strength, trying to get herself free and maybe be able to crawl away somehow. The panic running through her veins was nothing compared to anything she’s had before, and it all swelled inside her until she could feel herself snapping.</p><p>Her sanity, she means.</p><p>Someone grabbed her harshly by the back of her neck and something warm pressed against her forehead, surprisingly gentle that it made her calm her thrashing a little. She struggled a little against the solid hands that had her wrists, but the warmth so close to her made her ease her attempts at getting away. All because the warmth in front of her was so calming and gentle, and she didn’t want to pull away from it.</p><p>Slowly, the fog in her mind and eyes cleared and the white noise pounding in her ears died down, like water slowly draining down a pipe from a fountain. She relaxed in whoever was holding her and even leaned forward, leaning into the warm touch against her forehead, and she sighed.</p><p>And she heard it.</p><p>She slowly opened her eyes and found that she could see again, even though it was slightly foggy like she was looking outside an icy window. Her wrists were being held by two hand in front of her chest as if to hold them there in case she lashed out again. She tentatively looked up through her lashes as whoever could hold so much warmth inside their body and was so relieved to see <em>him </em>in front of her.</p><p>Chat Noir’s lips were moving, and she could distantly hear the deep rumble of his voice talking, and for a minute, she just watched him, waiting patiently until his soothing voice appeared in her ears.</p><p>“You’re gonna be okay,” he soothed softly. “It’s scary I know, but you’re gonna be okay.”</p><p>She relaxed fully in his arms, “Chat…?”</p><p>He suddenly leaned back and looked into her eyes, a look of relief making his contorted face relax as he gazed back at her.</p><p>“Hey,” he said softly, letting go of one of her hands and reaching up to touch her cheek. “You okay?”</p><p>She nodded slowly, “Yeah, I’m fine but…” she looked up and noticed the state of his face and gasped, letting her free hand cover her agape mouth as she stared at him in horror. “Chat, what happened?”</p><p>His jaw and left cheek were severely bruised, purple marks angerly peeking out from under his skin. Red trails of dried blood were smeared all over his face, in the corners of his lips and under his nose. She could tell his eyes were tired and most likely injured as well, but she couldn’t tell with the mask covering most of his face.</p><p>“You don’t need to worry about me, okay?” he said, taking her hand again and squeezing both of them. “I’m more worried about you.”</p><p>She stared at him quizzically, “What do you mean? What happened?” She stared at his broken face, her eyes softening as she slipped from his grasp and gently traced her fingers over his jawline. “Chat, that looks like it really hurts.”</p><p>He flinched away and she immediately retracted her hand, staring at him in confusion as she held her arm against her chest. His eyes told her he flinched away from her from more than just pain. The way he cast his eyes away and down, almost guiltily, avoiding her gaze as she stared at him.</p><p>“Did something happen?” she almost whispered, catching his gaze. “Did I… did I have a blackout and… and do that?”</p><p>“No,” he answered tenderly, taking her hand again and scooting closer to her, still holding both her hands gently and securely, almost like he was scared she was going to disappear. “No, you…” he met her eyes as he trailed off, the gaze coming off as guilty. “You… you didn’t mean to.”</p><p>She deflated and instinctively retracted her hands, staring at his broken face with wide, hurt eyes, because now she knew she was the cause of it.</p><p>“What triggered me?” she whispered to him.</p><p>He shook his head and leaned his hands on the ground, bowing his head as he closed his eyes. “You… you weren’t having a blackout, Marinette.”</p><p>She swallowed uncomfortably, “Then how did I hurt you?”</p><p>He went silent as he refused to lift his head and meet her eyes.</p><p>She nodded and moved away from him, keeping her hands from him as far as possible, as if they’d lash out without her permission and hurt him again.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” she said quietly, before pushing herself to her feet, Chat following her.</p><p>“No, you should stay—”</p><p>“I’m fine,” she said, not daring to touch him as she moved away from his touch. She turned from him to leap from the building, “Now let’s—”</p><p>She stopped, and finally noticed the state of her city.</p><p>Smoke billowed up into the air on almost every street corner, intoxicating the air as its poison turned into ashes that fell like black snowflakes. There was the distant sound of sirens ringing through the city, along with several screams rippling in the air. Buildings crumbled in the distant, the ones still standing littering debris onto the ground as they struggled to stay upright. Fire consumed most buildings and cars, explosions from gas tanks and stoves burst around them. The street below her was vacant, but she could hear her people screaming and shouting at anyone and everyone.</p><p>“Ladybug.”</p><p>She jumped at the new voice and turned, finally noticing the green and orange figures of Rena Rouge and Carapace, fully suited up and staring at her with sorrowful eyes.</p><p>“Wh-what—”</p><p>“I asked for help,” Chat interjected, stepping forward and gesturing at himself. “I… I couldn’t do it alone for long.”</p><p>“Do what?” she demanded, turning fully to the group, anger evident in her eyes. “Chat, what aren’t you telling me?”</p><p>Chat grew a small, tired look in his eyes, briefly glancing at the others who in turn, betrayed him and turned away, avoiding her gaze as well. He slumped his shoulders from the weight on his back as he slowly turned back to her, and met her slowly panicking eyes.</p><p>“Listen to me,” he spoke softly, taking a step forward. “It’s not your fault, okay? It’s just like all the other victims. It’s <em>not </em>your fault.”</p><p>She shook her head as panic welled up in her chest and she whipped around, staring back out at the crumbling city. She listened to the distant screams of her citizens, the desperate cries as they called out to her, and she ached to answer their call. But she couldn’t move. Her feet were planted to the ground like cement had engulfed them and was slowly swallowing her whole. She was sinking, sinking into the waters of panic as the memories suddenly flooded back into her mind, confirming her deepest, darkest fear.</p><p>All of it rushed back as she suddenly remembered all of it, the panic, the pain, the agony of the events, the heart in her chest just <em>breaking. </em>She remembered Chat’s real name—Adrien, and the anger in his eyes as they fought back and forth. She remembered the moments before everything in her line of vision went black, and a dark voice closed off all her senses to the outside world. The anxious, heavy feeling settled over her chest as her eyes slowly shut unwillingly, blocking it out as some unknown entity took control over her body.</p><p>It was like falling asleep and entering a void with no noise, voices or people to break her out. She was asleep but awake, unable to watch the events as her body did unspeakable things, but she could feel them. She could feel the way she jumped through the air at alarming speeds, how the rain burned against her cheeks as she powered through it all. How she jumped and ran but couldn’t seem to find him. And while she was bored, she could feel her muscles ripple as she tore something open that screamed, something that didn’t last long and died quickly.</p><p>She remembered feeling disappointed they were gone so quickly.</p><p>This entity was looking for something <em>fun. </em></p><p>Ladybug looked down at her hands, unable to see the blood anymore since it wasn’t entirely her then, but she remembered it, she <em>felt </em>it.</p><p>Her hands began shaking as she closed her eyes, realizing the truth about the lie she had become.</p><p>She turned back to the group, which hadn’t said a word since she turned around.</p><p>“Did I do this?” she asked, her voice breaking.</p><p>They all stayed silent, glancing at each other with panicked looks.</p><p>She got her answer.</p><p>“It wasn’t you,” Chat finally said.</p><p>She looked at him, “Oh, and I suppose someone else did this? Huh?”</p><p>“You were akumatised,” Rena spoke, surprisingly. “It’s not your fault.”</p><p>“I let it happen,” she countered, before pointing back at the crumbling city. “I did that,” she said, looking at them, daring them to argue with her. “Tell me how this isn’t my fault.”</p><p>“Everyone has emotions,” Carapace spoke, his voice uncertain. “No one’s going to fault you for this.”</p><p>“They will!” she exploded. “They will! And you know why?!” she snapped, gesturing back at the city. “Because I’m unable to fix all of it!”</p><p>Chat stepped forward, “Ladybug—”</p><p>“Don’t, Chat,” she snapped at him, stopping him with a wave of her hand. “You’ve blamed me enough today.”</p><p>She hadn’t meant for it to slip, but Chat’s evident notice of it made him furrow his eyebrows at her, watching her curiously. “Well, what does that mean?”</p><p>She didn’t know why, but she turned on him.</p><p>“You got me crying! You got me angry! You got me—” she stopped, chocking on a rising sob but she pushed it down. “You were the one that caused that akuma!”</p><p>“That akuma came for you!” he argued back, gesturing at nothing. “I’m sorry for what I said but it was <em>you </em>that handed over the butterfly miraculous!”</p><p>“Oh,” she said, anger pulsing through her veins. “So, this is my fault?”</p><p>“No! I’m just saying that if you hadn’t handed over the butterfly miraculous, none of this would’ve happened!”</p><p>“And what?!” she cried back, raising her voice louder than his. “Just let that man in white crush you to death?! I wasn’t going to let that happen!”</p><p>“It would be better than this!” he cried back, gesturing around at the city. “At least the lives today wouldn’t have been lost and the city wouldn’t be destroyed!”</p><p>“I would have <em>lost you!” </em>she cried, desperation in her voice. “What about <em>me</em>?! Are you willing to leave me <em>that </em>easily?! Just like five years ago?!”</p><p>“If it prevented other people getting hurt and you getting akumatised than yeah, I would!” he yelled back.</p><p>“So, just like that?” she said, slightly lowered her voice as she gestured at nothing. “You’d leave me? <em>Again?” </em></p><p>Chat paused as he looked at her, hesitation in his eyes as he seemed to try and tear his eyes away, but couldn’t at the same time.</p><p>But she got her answer from the silence between them.</p><p>She nodded grimly, “Fine!” she shouted, throwing her arms up in the air as she walked past them, vaguely aware of Rena and Carapace watching this whole thing, but she didn’t care. “I’m leaving.”</p><p>Chat followed her, reaching out to grab her arm. “Ladybug, hold on—” She felt him graze her hand, but she snatched hers away before he could touch her.</p><p>“No Chat!” she cried, her emotions breaking through in her voice. “I’m <em>not </em>letting you in this time! If I do then you’re going to leave again!”</p><p>“That’s not true!” he cried back, taking her arm and tugging her back as she made to turn away again. “I… I’m sorry I said that, I didn’t mean—”</p><p>“What?!” she shouted, breaking his sentence, her own cry sounding shattered and broken. “What do you have to tell me, Chat?! I thought it was pretty clear that you can leave me just so <em>fucking easily!” </em></p><p>“That’s not what I meant,” he said, his voice quieter now as he watched her, still not letting go of her arm.</p><p>“Well tell me how it really is then!” She cried, more angered than sad now. She pointed an accusatory finger at him, “You certainly take after your father, because you leave people just as easily as he left you!”</p><p>Her words rung out over the rooftop, and she watched Chat’s eyes widen slowly with shock, surprise, and above all, hurt. His body went stiff except for his hand, which broke from her arm, and he took a single step back. The rooftop was silent as she stared him down, her slowly coming down from her infuriating anger that burned a hole in her chest.</p><p>It took Ladybug a few seconds to realize what she had just done, and her heart dropped into her stomach. Her eyes widened as the anger immediately left her system and she slapped a hand over her open mouth as she also took a step back. She stared at Chat in horror as he remained where he was, just staring at her with an unreadable look on his face.</p><p>“Adrien…” she said, her heart hurting even more as he flinched at his real name that she used for the first time. She spoke quietly as he continued to stare at her. “I… I didn’t… I… I’m sorry—”</p><p>“Don’t,” he snapped, his voice cold as he slightly turned away as his eyes glazed over and away from her.</p><p>Ladybug could only stare at him in horror, before she swallowed a thick lump in her throat and dropped her chin to her chest in shame.</p><p>It was the dry, emotionless laugh that startled her, and she looked back up to see Chat laughing with tears brimming in the corners of his eyes.</p><p>“You know, maybe Alya and Lila are right; you are a liar,” he said, his eyes surprisingly meeting hers as she stared at him. “You keep telling the city you’ll protect them when in reality, <em>you’re </em>the one that hurt them the most.” He shook his head disapproving of her as he gestured around them at the crumbling city. “I keep defending you against the media but look around you Ladybug! <em>You </em>were the one that messed up this time. <em>You</em> did this, miss <em>Guardian.” </em></p><p>She flinched at the venom in his voice, staring at him as she slowly caved within herself. She wanted to run, she wanted out, but she couldn’t. Her feet froze underneath her, failing her when she needed them the most, her spine going rigid as he continued, and he never noticed the paralyzed look in her eyes.</p><p>“Imagine what Paris is thinking right now, the people, the families, the civilians that lost loved ones today because <em>you </em>were reckless and gave up the butterfly miraculous.” He gestured at her, his eyes still cold and emotionless, “Imagine what <em>Master Fu and Tikki </em>would think? Huh? When they find out you used your power—<em>your responsibility—</em>for evil?”</p><p>“I…” she tried to speak, but her voice failed her.</p><p>“You keep talking about people leaving but take a look at yourself! You left Paris for <em>five years </em>and it crumbled without you. And now this happened <em>because </em>of you. So, don’t try to blame this on everyone else when at the core of it all, <em>you </em>screwed up everything.” He stepped forward and towered over her, “So, don’t come crying to me when <em>you’re </em>the one that destroyed the last shred of hope you had at regaining the city’s trust.”</p><p>…</p><p>She was paralyzed.</p><p>She felt numb.</p><p>She felt… just… done.</p><p>Ladybug stared up at him, her entire body freezing as the hollow feeling in her chest slowly expanded, creating a vacuum inside her that seemed to suck out the last bit of hope inside her.</p><p>The last shred of hope… the last thread she held on to… the last bit of light in her life…</p><p>… was him…</p><p>
  <em>                White noise.                                                                                                                                                       Your enemy.                                                                                                       This is your fault. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>                                                Evil.                                                                                                        You screwed up. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Last shred of hope.                                                          Don’t.                                                    Help me. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>                                Someone please.                                                              Help me. </em>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>
      <span class="u">This is your fault.</span>
    </em>
  </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>“Shit,” she said, gasping lightly as she touched her chest, feeling it starting to expand rapidly, her lungs slowly. “Shit shit shit,<em> SHIT</em>!”</p><p>The white noise. The darkness. The waters. The island. It was all coming back.</p><p>Panic flooded her emotions and drowned the beating thing in her chest like it was some useless drum rattling her chest. It was hurting, it hurt, it was beating, and she just wanted the pounding to <em>stop. </em></p><p>She stumbled backwards, tripping and falling onto her back and looking up at the sky momentarily, watching the ashes slowly fall around her for only a second.</p><p>She scrambled to her feet and closed her eyes, feeling her senses and body go numb. She could vaguely hear someone’s voice, but she couldn’t hear anymore, the white noise was turning into a high pitched squeal.</p><p>Or maybe that was her screaming.</p><p>She couldn’t tell anymore.</p><p>Something touched her and she cried out, slapping whatever it was away from her as she fell back again, but this time a hard surface broke her fall. She felt cornered by the three monsters in her blurry vision slowly approaching her, creeping near her with long talons to rip off her skin and leave her to rot.</p><p>She had to get out of here.</p><p>Mostly feeling with her hands in feet, she found the edge of the building and grabbed the thing on her waist. She threw it somewhere and she felt the tug and she yanked on it and she felt herself getting yanked hard into the air, flying over the crumbling city that she once called home.</p><p>But this place was no longer a home, it was a prison.</p><p>A prison that plagued her with memories.</p><p>When she hit the next rooftop, she broke out into a sprint, not caring about the shock of pain going up her leg, she just ran, and ran <em>hard. </em></p><p>She vaguely thought someone called her name behind her, but she could no longer hear as the white noise flooded inside her and drowned her inside her own mind.</p><p>.               .               .</p><p>“What do we do now?”</p><p>Soufre stood in the center of the circular platform, her fingers wrapped around the orb like head of her staff. She watched as her vision faded away through the eyes of the victim, and her power grew to a still silence within her. No more hum of energy, no more race of adrenaline, and she could no longer feel the burning desire and hunger to kill.</p><p>She tapped her finger against the staff’s tip, waiting patiently as she felt herself lose contact with the akuma completely, which means they lost her. Purity coming over the darkness like a thick, warm blanket, but not the rush she would feel when Ladybug purified the akuma, more like a cover over the darkness that was still there, eradicating it, but not freeing it.</p><p>Soufre hummed thoughtfully before turning her back on the large window, and facing her comrades, Mayura and Cygne Blanc, who both had impatient, curious gazes.</p><p>“Dark wings, fall,” she said, and the cloak of power fell off her shoulders, leaving behind the sly fox, Lila Rossi. She looked back up at them, “I’ve got a plan.”</p><p>“A plan?” Cgyne Blanc said, Mayura and him turning with Lila as she walked between them onto the bridge in the middle of the dome. “Like the one that just failed?”</p><p>“Don’t get cocky with me, <em>Cygne,</em>” she said, passing halfway across the bridge. “You just need to leave everything to me.”</p><p>“I don’t trust that,” Mayura said, as they reached the elevator, stopping outside it.</p><p>Lila turned to the unknown purple figure, sizing her up. Even after all this time and all this work she’s put into this moment, the woman behind the mask still didn’t trust her with her identity. She of course, knew who was under the <em>Cgyne Blanc </em>mask, but that wasn’t important to her right now.</p><p>She put her hands on her hips, standing her ground. “You mean, you don’t trust <em>me.” </em></p><p>Mayura sneered, “I don’t trust mere children.”</p><p>“<em>Children</em>?” Lila said, exasperated. “May I remind you that this <em>child </em>found out who Ladybug was <em>and </em>was able to get her akumatised. So, I wouldn’t be pointing fingers, <em>old lady</em>.”</p><p>“A plan that failed,” Cygne Blanc butted in, his cold voice interrupting the two women’s dispute. “May I remind <em>you </em>that both Ladybug and Chat Noir walked away, <em>alive </em>and with their miraculouses, <em>and </em>they now outnumber us.”</p><p>Lila glared at the two other teammates, surprised by their judgement, but not unprepared for it.</p><p>“Okay, well, let me tell you my <em>real</em> plan,” she said, gesturing for them to follow her into the elevator. “Apparently you guys are getting a little impatient.”</p><p>The elevator shut behind them as they entered, and Lila pressed the button near the door so the lift could start driving them upwards.</p><p>“From the beginning, our main objective was to separate the team,” she said, as the elevator lifted upwards. “And now it’s finally happening. Ladybug and Chat Noir are <em>fighting</em> each other, and I imagine they still are, considering that’s what got her akumatised in the first place.” She tossed some hair over her shoulder before continuing, “And since we got them mad at each other, they are divided, which makes it easier to get to them, because they’re both vulnerable.”</p><p>“They were separated for years,” Cygne Blanc interjected, his tone a deadpan. “Why are we just acting now?”</p><p>She scoffed, “I don’t know,” she said, gesturing to Mayura. “Ask feathers.”</p><p>Mayura sneered, “I had personal business,” she said, glaring darkly at Lila.</p><p>She sighed heavily before continuing in a more tired tone, facing Cygne Blanc again. “It’s because we didn’t know their real names then, and my job, which took forever, was to find out at least one of their names.” She smirked, gaining back her uncharming charisma, “Now we know one of them.”</p><p>The platform rose above ground, and the three villains stepped away from the old elevator, entering into an old and unlived in space. It was cold, and green moss hung to the marble walls, old papers and books were stacked on the floor, boxes of unpacked belongings littered around mostly the center of the room.</p><p>“Marinette Dupain-Cheng,” Mayura said as they separated into more comfortable spaces away from each other.</p><p>Lila nodded, “But that’s not even the best part,” she said, leaning on the old desk across the room in the corner. “I’ve been tormenting Marinette, making her paranoid, learning her schedule, spreading bad press about her—I even started the Gubydal Gang.”</p><p>Cygne’s eyes widened, “That was you?”</p><p>She nodded, lifting her chin in a proud gesture. “I can only do so much, and then I got Alya to gang up on her, and finally I was able to push Chat Noir to the edge with Ladybug giving up the butterfly miraculous.”</p><p>“How’d you know he’d be so affected by it?” Mayura questioned.</p><p>Lila smiled, “That thing is what got Ladybug killed in the first place,” Lila explained, looking up from the desk at them from across the room. “It was a stretch, and I honestly guessed, but I figured he’d be mad at her. Chat Noir doesn’t know it, but he is very blind when it comes to anger, and love. They both blind him severely.” Her smirk grew wider, “It was the perfect opportunity to—”</p><p>“—to get Chat Noir mad,” Mayura finished, understanding.</p><p>“To anger the closest person to Ladybug,” Cygne said, turning his gaze back to the girl now sitting on the desk. “You certainly are clever.”</p><p>She smirked, “Well, thanks,” she said, before turning more serious. “And in doing so, angering Chat Noir I mean, I used him to rip Ladybug’s heart out for us, to akumatise her, and <em>possibly </em>kill Chat Noir and get his miraculous.”</p><p>“Possibly?” Cygne observed.</p><p>“Well, you see,” Lila said, letting her fingernails tap on the desk. “I had to take in the account that Chat Noir could deakumatise her, which he did.” She smirked at them, “But the best part about this plan, is that it can’t fail. All the factors are now perfectly lined up. We make Lady Miss Fortune kill Chat Noir in the beginning, make it go much faster… which didn’t work. But there’s always the second part that is almost impossible to fail,” she smiled, a satisfied feeling coming over her. “<em>If </em>everything falls into place perfectly.”</p><p>Mayura stepped forward, “How do you mean?”</p><p>Lila sighed, “If Chat Noir succeeded in deakumatizing Ladybug, which he did, they are going to a mess. Ladybug is going to see the destruction, get upset, Chat will try and calm her down, by his nature. But Ladybug will get frustrated that she will say something out of line most likely, also by her nature. They’ll fight, Marinette is already blaming herself for the destruction of Paris, now she’s about to lose her partner again, and she’ll just…” she smirked, “Give up.”</p><p>“What are you getting at?” Mayura asked, her patience getting tested.</p><p>Lila looked up at them and smiled smugly, “I have different… stations set up around the city based on her schedule. Thanks to some members in the Gubydal Gang, we are going to be able to drive Marinette Dupain-Cheng over the edge.” This time, she laughed, “And we won’t have to do anything.”</p><p>“Cut to the chase, will you?” Cygne cut in, his voice snapping at her. “What are you talking about?”</p><p>Lila smiled, “I’m saying… after the day she has tomorrow, we won’t have to kill her.” She smirked even wider and turned from them, looking out the window as the sun slowly made its way down towards the horizon.</p><p>
  <em>“She’ll do it herself.” </em>
</p><p>.               .               .</p><p>
  <em>Stop. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Please stop. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Just… just stop it’s… it’s too much… I… can’t... </em>
</p><p>Ladybug had slowed to a near crawl as she tried running—no, <em>sprinting</em>—towards her apartment, stumbling around and nearly falling over if it weren’t for the several walls and chimneys she ran into along the way. Her vision was slowly going dark, and she had that heavy feeling inside her chest that indicated a blackout was near, and the idea of having one so out in the open was terrifying to her. She had to run, she had to <em>keep</em> running to stay ahead of those monsters that kept seeking her out.</p><p>At one point she had to hide, hearing them rush past her hiding place as they snarled and whispered to each other for a minute before moving on. One lingered back though, turning in her direction and lightly sniffing the air, as if trying to find her. But the smoke in the sky masked her scent very well, and the three beasts all dressed in different colors disappeared into the night.</p><p>After that, she was barely able to get off the ground, and as she pushed off the wall she was hiding behind, she got dizzy and had to stop for a second. But when her body seemed to refuse going at high speeds at that moment, she resorted to just taking it slow and hopefully she got home before the blackout attacked.</p><p>Someone could easily take her now, while she’s so weak. A civilian could jump her even, angered that she was the one that destroyed the city, ready to yell at her, or better yet, kill her so she could no longer hurt anyone.</p><p>She wouldn’t mind the second one. She felt as if she was dying already.</p><p>As she walked, she tried to push down the haunting thoughts, the ones that would shoot terrible heartbreak shocks up to her heart. They weren’t even physical, but they were so intense, she thought they were and wondered for a while if she was having a heart attack. That was all before she realized her heart was breaking, or it was already broken, and the shards were just tearing up the remaining pieces.</p><p>She cried out as her foot caught on something and she fell forward, not bothering to catch herself on her trembling, useless arms. She crashed hard to the ground, letting out a whine of pain as she lay there for a while, her arms laying next to her unresponsive as she struggled to hold her emotions back. Her entire body just ached while her mind screamed at her, her will slowly breaking as the white noise continued to bury her.</p><p>Every part of her body was unresponsive, all of her energy going into the war against her own mind. She felt like she had an autoimmune disease, like her body was attacking itself, hacking apart all the good she’s built up the past few days. The bad things suddenly moved in, with their rotting boxes and packages and their toxic, alcohol breath that sent chills down her spine.</p><p>Worst of all, she was forced to watch in horror as the one thin piece of paper, the only happiness she allowed herself to have, and watched as it burst into flames. The heat consumed all of it, the words she had written on it, the list of the things and people dear to her, but none of that mattered as hell fire first broke it down, like how it broke her down. It burned until it couldn’t anymore, until ashes crumbled in between her fingers and fell to the ground in scorched flakes.</p><p>Everything she worked so hard for, everything she tried and pushed herself to believe, the good things that happened to her, the things she thought the universe would allow her to have, the bad things that were fading—all of it seemed to be slowly disappearing as the darkness latched onto her again.</p><p>And the grip… the grip crippled her.</p><p>It was like her spine was snapped in half and ripped from her body when the darkness returned and she flinched on the ground, writhing in agony. Her bare feet dug into the shards of glass acting as sand, the familiar storm clouds fogging up her vision, the empty island full of pain, but it was the only thing keeping her alive. The blood that flowed within her body sank into the shards of glass, standing above them as they ripped open her feet and swallowed the crimson liquid. She was facing the black sea, an endless void, before storm clouds thundered angerly at her below as the sea tides rose. Lightning struck and there was the snapping sound again and she flinched hard on the ground, unaware of where she was in reality.</p><p>The waves haven’t even touched her toes yet, which worried her, but she took the opportunity to pinch her cheek, snapping her back to reality somehow in a hard, awakening flinch. She seemed to push through the clouds covering her eyes and looked around her. The sun was setting in front of her, golden and orange rays shooting across the rooftops. It was such a beautiful and relieving sight despite the destruction around her, smoke and the faint sound of buildings crumbling.</p><p>She stared at the sunset for a moment, noticing the way how the roof she was on was biting into her cheek. It was this slight pinching sensation that jolted her body, begging her to move before the next wave of panic broke through her ranks she was fighting so hard to keep up.</p><p>With trembling limbs, Ladybug struggled to her feet, turning upright as the blood flow returned to her numbing body. The action of standing upright made harsh black spots dance in her vision and she stumbled to the side, a chimney catching her before she fell off the building.</p><p>She could hear the waves rising again in her head, but they weren’t touching her yet. She still had time to make it home before the blackout and the panic hit her again.</p><p>
  <em>Home. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I need to get home. </em>
</p><p>With much effort, Ladybug pushed herself to her feet once more, dots still spinning and blinking rapidly in her vision, but she pushed herself on. The darkness was slowly catching up to her, and there was nothing she could do about the inevitable panic she would soon be swallowed by.</p><p>But she can suppress it.</p><p>Yes, she can push it down until she got home, or until her body gave out on her. She just hoped she was in her apartment by then.</p><p>She did.</p><p>She made it.</p><p>But as soon as she got inside and released her transformation, the extra strength her powers gave her faded and she was immediately swelled with panic, the void screaming at her.</p><p>She whined as she fell over, crashing into her wall before falling hard to the ground, landing on all fours as her mind lashed out at her, pulses of pain piercing her body and mental state.</p><p>“Marinette?!” Tikki cried, noticing her wilted holder. “Marinette what happened?!”</p><p>“It’s too loud,” Marinette mumbled to herself, but Tikki heard it. “It’s too loud.”</p><p>“Marinette!” Tikki yelled, but her voice was fading. “Marinette! Talk to me! What can I…”</p><p>Marinette shook her head violently, trembling all over as she struggled to regain control of her mind. She could feel herself slipped, and the only thing keeping her above the waves was the constant need to <em>stay awake. </em></p><p>She made a loud whine in agony as she grabbed the sides of head, an overwhelming feeling of intense frustration at her mind. She hated that she was like this, so vulnerable, so easy to break. The white noise was getting to loud, and the soft mumbles of Tikki’s voice was quickly fading until she could no longer stand the fight anymore.</p><p>And she gave in.</p><p>She gasped when she felt the black waters lap against her ankles, almost tugging on her as they drew back. They came back again, only this time they went higher, reaching for her shins and pulling even harder, but she pulled back, some sense of survival instinct forcing her to want to live.</p><p>But in this moment, she didn’t want to.</p><p>She didn’t want to let go yet.</p><p>And yet she did.</p><p>It’s so… confusing.</p><p>She could hear the pounding blood just roaring in her ears, screaming at her to make it all stop, to just let the river flow and release the pressure inside her body. If she didn’t cut herself open and release the pressure, she was going to burst and cast all her anxieties, fears and worried on the wall for all to see. Her entire body continued to scream and convulse like the endless void calling out to her was begging for her mind. The dreamless landscape before her, that wanted her to let herself drown in, was filled with all the monsters of her nightmares, but not the nightmares themselves, that led to an endless hunt. The winner gets to own her life.</p><p>She tossed her body to the side in an attempt to escape the angry black waves, which somehow got up to her waist without her noticing. Her attempt at escape was no use, because now the hands beneath the surface had her, dragging her along the shards of glass that took the place of sand. She screamed and thrashed, hitting the hands away and hitting herself to try and escape this catacomb threatening her very sanity.</p><p>But nothing worked, and she fell to her stomach as the hands under the water finally latched onto her with an iron grip. All she could do now was grab at the glass beneath her, not caring as it dug into the front of her body and tore at her palms and arms.</p><p>She just needed to get away.</p><p>The hands clawed at her and soon she was in the tides, still grabbing at the shards and trying to escape but it was no use. The hands turned into the current below, locked onto her legs and dragging her the rest of the way in.</p><p>She made one final desperate cry before she was dragged under, her world falling silent as she lost all hearing. She would have thought it was blissful, but the silence was so quiet she could no longer hear the white noise anymore. Oddly enough, it creeped her out.</p><p>The silence sounded like the screams of death.</p><p>And yet there were no screams.</p><p>She turned around in the water, the entirety of it just a blackness that went on forever, and a mirror that reflected her very, bloody, mutilated soul.</p><p>She stared at herself, looking at the deep cuts all over her body, how blood floated into the water and around her, almost like a red dye. Her face was pale, and her faded figure reminded her of a ghost that’s seen too much of the world and wanted to get out of here.</p><p>But then, her expressionless face changed in the mirror, and she looked closer at it out of curiosity.</p><p>Suddenly, it wasn’t her anymore.</p><p>The darkness molded with the figure in the mirror, and wrapped around her like a cloak, tightening and forming until something unrecognizable floated before her that was more haunting than the black waters that surrounded her.</p><p>The demon in the black and red spotted mask smiled like she was crazy, then she opened her mouth and let out an unholy noise that seemed to come from the pits of hell. Her jaw unhinged violently with a loud snapping sound and her teeth grew long fangs as her head lengthened. Her eyes flipped over and turned crystal white, haunting and pale, as the demon formed. The transformation was such an unholy thing to watch but she couldn’t look away either, hearing the harsh snaps and cracking and deforming until it came out as a snarling, fanged demon, grinning back at her with a horrible smile.</p><p><em>The sooner you realize you are your own enemy, </em>it seemed to whisper down her spine.</p><p>The beast suddenly transformed again, quickly this time, until she was staring at herself, only it was her younger self, back when she was fourteen, young and naïve and happy.</p><p>She spoke in the same demon voice, as if the monster never left.</p><p>
  <em>The easier it will be to kill the enemy. </em>
</p><p>Something sharp suddenly snagged on her wrists and she looked down, only to see a long cut mark that was dripping heavily with blood, filtering into the dark water.</p><p>
  <em>And you… </em>
</p><p>Another sharp cut dragged across her arm.</p><p>
  <em>Are… </em>
</p><p>Another cut.</p><p>
  <em>The enemy… </em>
</p><p>An invisible force that seemed to wield knives continued to snag at her skin, tearing it and letting the blood flow from her arms. She was paralyzed, the monster breathing down her neck making her watch as the torture lasted forever. She was crying and then she was screaming as the demon had their way with her but didn’t even try to stop it either.</p><p>No, she didn’t even try.</p><p>She couldn’t.</p><p>She was paralyzed.</p><p>When it was over, she could no longer feel. She just floated there, a mutilated, rejected piece of meat sinking further into the black sea. The black darkness of the water slowly turned crimson red as her blood stained the water, the entire sea relaxing since it finally had done its job.</p><p>And in the real world, Marinette lay curled up in a fetal position, cuts lining her arms while her fingers gripped a bloodied razor. Blood dripped onto the hard wood floor beneath her, as she finally gave into darkness that she was no longer fighting. She watched streams of blood flow down her arms, tear stained cheeks touching the floor, and the crushing weight on her heart is what kept her there in that position, unmoving and unfeeling.</p><p>She finally closed her eyes and invited the nightmares in, embracing the horrible night ahead as her eyes shut closed, and she passed out from sheer exhaustion.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Not that these kids need things to get worse, right? (Oh jeez)</p><p>Fair warning and on a serious note, the next three chapters, 26, 27 and 28. They are the darkest chapters I've ever written, so it you don't feel comfortable reading it, then don't. Please read the last few tags carefully. </p><p>And if you guys ever want to talk, I'm here. My insta DMs are always open. @being_happy_official</p><p>Much love, <br/>~happt</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0026"><h2>26. Menace</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>She wakes up after a night full of void, only to find the reality around her is full of nightmares.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>WARNINGS: Descriptions of Self-Harm, Physical Assault (Not Sexual), Threat and Threats of Violence, SO MANY TEARS I'M SORRY. </p><p>....enjoy?</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chapter 26: Menace</p><p> </p><p>She woke slowly, like a newly born butterfly leaving its cocoon. Ironic this feels like a rebirth from a caterpillar and into a butterfly, when just the day before, she was controlled by one.</p><p>Her eyes slowly adjusted to the dim lighting of the room, her eyes slitting in just a fraction of the way open. She noticed the way how her eyes were stuck together, and she had to almost force them open in an unpleasant pull of skin as her wakefulness started becoming aware inside her mind. Her body seemed to be waking up before her mind did, and for a moment she wondered why she felt so stiff, and why her bed was so hard, and why her arms hurt so much.</p><p>For a moment she thought she had caught a fever since her body ached so much, but she didn’t feel hot or stuffy, nor cold and shaky. She just felt awful, and awful with how much her mind worked to slowly repair her memories from the night before.</p><p>She guessed she always knew what happened the night before, but she didn’t want to face it, so she lay there on the floor for several minutes, numbing her emotions until her memories settled. If she let herself panic again in that moment, she could break like the fragile piece of glass she was, and it would happen all over again.</p><p>She didn’t want to feel like this, but her automatic senses told her she deserved it.</p><p>She groaned as she let her muscles relax for the first time in what seemed like hours. She must have been tensing her entire body all night as she dreamed about nothing. Even the void, empty dreams she rarely got seemed like nightmares now.</p><p>As she slowly opened the gates inside her mind to let her emotions back in so she could figure out what to do, she accidentally slipped from its grip and it all poured in at once. The sudden flooding of emotions drowned her furiously as she tensed once again, a warm, unpleasant feeling building in her stomach.</p><p>She whimpered as she pushed herself to her feet, sprinting to the bathroom and slamming the door open and letting it hit the wall hard as she collapsed in front of the toilet. She gripped the sides as the wave of nausea overtook her entire body and the waves erupted from her stomach, pushing out what little she ate the day before and into the water. She retched hard and horrible as wave after wave kept over taking her body. Even when there was nothing left for her to throw up, her body kept trying to convulse and push her insides out as well.</p><p>When it finally died down, she sucked in a long breath of air and let it out slowly, her body shaking uncontrollably as she leaned back, closing her eyes as she curled around herself. She hugged her knees to her chest and leaned back against the wall, letting a hand rest on her face as she tried calming down.</p><p>“Marinette…?”</p><p>The voice was uncertain and gentle, and Marinette recognized Tikki’s concerned tone from a mile away. The gentle creature delicately laid herself on her knees, the warmth from her little companion easing her mind and body a little bit.</p><p>“Marinette… what happened?”</p><p>Marinette opened her exhausted eyes and looked up at Tikki, whose eyes were wide and alarmed while she gazed back at her.</p><p>She opened her mouth to say something, but her voice failed her. Not even a small squeak from her weak voice escaped her before the panic of speaking overwhelmed her and she clamped her mouth shut. When she tried again, it happened again, and she shook her head and dropped her head into her hands and immediately started sobbing.</p><p>She felt her little companion rub her arm delicately, trying to be as gentle as she could. “It’s okay, Marinette,” she said, a sad understanding tone coming over her thick emotional voice. “You don’t need to say anything.”</p><p>She was relieved that she understood. That she remembered. Marinette had a vague memory of struggling to speak for a few days after a panic attack to this extent. She even remembered after she woke up in the hospital all those years ago how she didn’t even try to speak for almost a week. She just didn’t even try, because she didn’t feel like there was a point when all she wanted to do in that moment was make the pain stop.</p><p>Marinette nodded back at her kwami, before sobbing a few times and sniffling, removing her hands from her face to try and wipe the tears away. She covered her eyes once more and took a deep shaky breath, before she pushed to her shaky knees and reached out to the toilet. She flushed it and put the lid down before using it to stand to her feet, her kwami following her everywhere.</p><p>That’s when she steeled herself to look down at her arms, and she stilled when she saw the damage.</p><p>There weren’t that many, just two on her right arm and three on her left. But the worse part about it was how deep and long they were, with swelled red skin around the cuts. They stung and ached, and made her feel woozy as she stared at them for several minutes, feeling more tears fall down her face. Blood stained her skin with red flakes that wouldn’t come off even as she picked and rubbed at the stains.</p><p>She reached for the pantry and took out a rag and wetted it with warm water, before carefully rubbing away the dried blood on her skin, being careful to avoid her cuts. The familiar sensation of warmth on her injured skin reminded her of a time not so long ago, in the dark, and maybe not so alone.</p><p>The thought only made her start crying again, trying to see around the tears in her eyes at the cuts on her arm, so she could see what she was doing. She eventually gave up when she hit a cut for the third time, and it stung like crazy at the unexpected pressure. She threw the rag into the sink before leaning on her arms on the sink, sobbing hard into the silence of her apartment.</p><p>Tikki didn’t say anything to her, only staying near her holder as she struggled to even stay upright in the midst of her agony. The weight on her chest was so heavy she felt dizzy, but she kept herself upright until the tears and sobs calmed down a little bit.</p><p>Her voice was very thick with tight emotion when she finally was able to speak.</p><p>“What time is it Tikki?” she asked her kwami as she walked back outside the bathroom, the wet rag in her hand as she kneeled down in the spot she was lying in before.</p><p>“It’s 7:45 am,” the little creature responded, coming closer to her holder as she started rubbing the rag across the blood-stained hard wood.</p><p>Marinette nodded, “Okay, I have enough time.”</p><p>“Enough time for what?” Tikki asked.</p><p>“I’m going to work today,” Marinette said, before sniffling more snot up her nose. “I don’t want to be inside all day.”</p><p>Tikki hesitated before speaking. “Are you sure that’s a good idea?” She questioned carefully, grabbing Marinette’s attention enough to make her look up at the kwami. “Maybe you should take the day off and relax,” she continued, her voice gentle. “Mlle. Abreo would understand if you needed a day.”</p><p>She shook her head, “I can’t,” she said, before scrubbing the floor harder, shaking her head as more tears started bursting from her eyes. “I can’t stay in these walls today, Tikki.”</p><p>“Marinette,” Tikki said, floating to her hands and touching them to make her stop scrubbing the floor so hard. “Marinette, the floor is clean.”</p><p>Said girl looked down at the floor, and sure enough, all the blood that was stained there earlier was gone and soaked into the wet rag in her hands.</p><p>Marinette nodded before letting go of the rag, swallowing hard and leaning back on her heels.</p><p>“I have to do something today,” she spoke softly, looking down at her wet hands. “I just… I need to do something today.”</p><p>“Marinette,” Tikki said quietly. “It’s—”</p><p>“Please don’t tell me it’s going to be okay, Tikki,” Marinette said, beginning to cry again as sobs raked across her body once more. She leaned forward and buried her face in her knees, sobbing horribly as she shook on her knees. “It’s not okay, Tikki. I’m not okay.”</p><p>She ignored her kwami’s protests on going out today as she undressed in the bathroom, taking a short shower to calm her body and ease her muscles a little bit. She avoided hurting her arms as she dried herself off and wrapped herself in her towel, before pulling out her first aid kit. She asked her little kwami to help her wrap her arms in thin bandages, protecting them against the cotton long sleeved shirt she put on.</p><p>She slipped on some blue jeans and some shoes before drying her hair and styling it into little waves around her shoulders, not bothering to do anything with it and leaving it straight down. She put on a thin layer of makeup to cover up the dark bags under her eyes and some contour to make her cheeks look raised rather than drooped from all the crying she’s done.</p><p>After adding small things to her makeup and readjusting her outfit, she grabbed her purse and her school bag before walking out the door.</p><p>As she walked the streets just past eight am in the morning, she tried not to be affected by everything she passed. Some shops were undamaged from the attack and some cars bustled about the city, only a handful of emotionless people passed her in the street.</p><p>She noticed some of the buildings crumbled to the ground, but some teens beside it were laughing at some kind of joke, not entirely acknowledging the shattered bricks behind them. There was a businessman dressed in a suit with a briefcase in his hand walk from an apartment building and took one disappointed look at his crumbled car under a piece of building debris before he hailed a taxi. And there was a teenage girl that passed by Marinette, gripping an oversized sweater in her hands as she looked around franticly, searching for something, or someone.</p><p>After that last one, she kept her head down and tried not to notice all the horrible sights around her, but her eyes betrayed her as she neared wherever she was going.</p><p>To catch a breath, she stepped into her usually coffee shop, finding almost no one there except for a single bartender, who was idly picking at some recites on the counter.</p><p>“Hello,” he said, surprised as she approached the counter, staring at her in astonishment.</p><p>“Hi,” she said, avoiding his eyes incase he saw the guilt in her gaze as she looked at the menu. “Can I get just some hot herbal tea with a little bit of sugar?”</p><p>“Of course,” he said, taking the size she picked before turning around to start making her tea.</p><p>Marinette took that moment with his back turned to steady herself, closing her eyes and trying her very best to get all her emotions out in one violent shake of the head. She tightened her fists and took a shaky breath before relaxing, feeling a slight cover of relief fall on her shoulders as she separated herself from the outside.</p><p>
  <em>“… Although many still attest that what they saw was not related to the sentimonster attack at all—” </em>
</p><p>Marinette’s attention was grabbed by the TV shelved behind the counter as it played the live news broadcast. A woman, unrecognizable to her, stood in front of an animated screen with the standard news backdrop behind her as she read from a paper in her hand.</p><p>
  <em>“Amateur footage and several eyewitness accounts caught video and photo evidence that yesterday’s events had nothing to do with the random sentimonster attack. While many people both in and out of the field were bare witness to the events and what caused the destruction, we received the first clear video just an hour prior from some nearby shop owner who watched and recorded what he saw.” </em>
</p><p>The screen cut into a vertical video, most likely taken from a phone, where the scene was behind some window, looking outside in the street as he struggled to see through the rain. There were some bleeps that signified that he cursed before he readjusted his position, and that’s when she saw it.</p><p>The scene took place just across the street from the shop owner, where two figures in the rain fought it out and dodged and punched and avoided each other. She could barely see through the rain, but soon they came into view when Chat Noir flew through the air and hit the ground hard.</p><p>And there she was, approaching him with a dark look on her face. The demon she hoped she never would become, the demon that was unrecognizable to herself. They talked briefly before she attacked him again, and they fought it out for a few moves before this demon that possessed her body had him pinned to the wall.</p><p>The opposite her was holding Chat Noir by the neck, pining him to the wall as she threw punch after punch into his face, making blood pour from his face. She watched as she raised him off his feet against the wall, still holding his neck, getting ready to punch him again before the video cut out and the woman appeared again.</p><p><em>“Chat Noir and rogue Ladybug went about Paris and destroyed several shops, buildings, homes and landmarks. Not to mention she took… she took several lives with her.” </em>The reporter stared at the camera for a moment as a look of sadness and maybe even panic came over her eyes. She looked down finally and took a moment to steady herself before she looked up and continued. <em>“Authorities are taking charge and declaring Ladybug as a danger to Paris, and that she is to be arrested on sight and… and surrender herself to the Paris police. The chief of police made a statement about this earlier today.” </em></p><p>The screen switched again to an older man that had several medals attached the front of his chest as he stood behind a podium with several microphones and cameras pointed at him.</p><p><em>“I’m declaring a full hunt on Ladybug. She is to be brought in for questioning and trial against her case for destroying the city and seemingly to disappear. The judge shall deem her guilty or not depending on her case. If found guilty, she will face a life sentence in prison for the lives she took during her assault on Paris.” </em>He momentarily looked down at his notes before coming back up with a more intense expression on his face. <em>If you see any sign of her, contact the number below or tell the nearest police station. Justice in Paris!” </em></p><p>The crowd that was behind the cameras all repeated his claim, shouting it over and over again, and Marinette couldn’t take her eyes off it.</p><p>A swell of anxiety coiled inside her that was so tight she felt it might break inside her and send her into a fit. She knew she couldn’t have one here and now, there’s no way. It was a public place, plus she could somehow reveal to everyone in a ten-mile radius that she was Ladybug.</p><p>She was the one they were after.</p><p>She was the one they hated.</p><p>“Awful isn’t it?”</p><p>Marinette jumped at the unexpected voice and looked across the counter at the man, who had set down a coffee cup that was steaming through the little mouth hole in the lid.</p><p>She swallowed hard before reaching for her credit card, trying to steady her shaking hand as she held it out to him. “Yeah… it’s…” she looked back up at the screen, more photos and videos of her fight with Chat Noir popping up, not as clear as the first one, but evident now that it was her. “…Awful,” she finally finished.</p><p>“Can you believe it?” he asked, distaste in his mouth as he momentarily glanced at the TV behind him as well. “I mean, for five years she’s a no show, and she suddenly comes back and now she’s attacking the city?” he shook his head and began ringing her up, typing in numbers on the cash register as he continued. “I just hope they catch her. She doesn’t deserve to be protecting the city, not after that stunt.” She paused as he looked back up at her, “Is that all for you then?”</p><p>She had to take a moment and remind herself that he was talking about the tea she had asked for.</p><p>“Uh, y-yeah, thanks,” she said, before taking her card, a receipt and her tea and turning away from the counter and quickly leaving the coffee shop.</p><p>Marinette walked down the sidewalk as more people started coming outside, trying to avoid the destruction and instead pretend like nothing happened. She guessed they did this to get a sense of normalcy after the traumatic events she caused yesterday.</p><p>She tried not to think about it as she continued walking, seeing the blank stares in several people’s eyes. They all were expressionless, emotionless. They avoided eye contact with each other, walking around each other and keeping their heads down. The only voices she heard were brief conversations and soft apologies when two people ran into each other from not keeping their head up.</p><p>She finally couldn’t take the numbness of the situation and stopped inside an alley, pushing her back against the wall and closing her eyes, hoping no one noticed her unkempt self. She felt like she was going to pass out again from the amount of hurt, heartbreak and horrible anxiety coursing through her veins.</p><p>“Marinette?” Tikki called to her, peeking up at her through the crack of her purse.</p><p>She shook her head, “I don’t feel good, Tikki.”</p><p>Tikki couldn’t risk leaving her purse in broad daylight like this, but she fazed her little paw through the fabric and lightly rubbed Marinette’s thigh, trying to give her comfort as she struggled.</p><p>“You should go home Marinette,” Tikki said softly.</p><p>Marinette immediately shook her head, “I don’t want to.”</p><p>She looked down at her tea, unused so far and watched the steam lift out of the little hole in the lid. They curled into the air like early morning dew disappearing as the day got warmer, and it gave her a slight sense of calm.</p><p>The anxiety still roared inside her as she lifted it to her lips, pressing the opening to her mouth as she started to tilt it back for the warm liquid.</p><p>But then a cry sounded from across the street and she flinched, automatically jumping off the wall and looking for danger.</p><p>But no… no it was the girl from earlier that was gripping the oversized sweater across the street, her face contorted in unbearable pain as she fell to her knees. Two adults that she assumed were her parents kneeled next to her, holding her in her arms as they cried with her. The girl, who had to be younger than Marinette, was still gripping the oversized sweater to her chest, crying and screaming something like “he can’t be gone.”</p><p>“Marinette,” Tikki whispered, breaking Marinette’s gaze away from the scene. “You okay?”</p><p>Marinette considered the question before she cast her gaze back at the teenager most likely, keeling over herself as the truth slowly buried her.</p><p>An overwhelming, crushing guilt overcame her.</p><p>“Yeah,” she said, looking down at the cup in her hands. “Yeah, I’m fine.”</p><p>She turned around and walked up to a trash can before opening the lid and tossing the filled cup into it, no longer thirsty. Then she turned her back on the trash can and left the alleyway, and the girl behind on the ground, her cries being heard down the whole street.</p><p>.               .               .</p><p>Mlle. Abreo was surprised to see Marinette walk into the boutique, especially since she looked rather awful, and not to mention she hasn’t given her a reason why she randomly left the boutique last time. But when she was going to ask her why she was in today, she saw the look in her employee’s eyes, and decided to drop it. She honestly looked lost and unsure of where to go during the whole attack on Paris.</p><p>Her mentor gave her little work to do, since she could see she didn’t want to talk about it and her mind was a little distraught. She would ask her about it later, but for now she helped her apprentice distract her mind. She filled out some paperwork for her, before leaving Marinette with a few cookies on the desk in the back room, since she knew she liked them, before giving her space and leaving the boutique to run a few errands.</p><p>Marinette didn’t eat the cookies though, she heard Tikki munching on them quietly on the desk beside her while she pulled one knee to her chest and stared at the wall. The waves clashed loudly in her mind, but in a way that wasn’t letting her drown completely beneath the surface. It’s almost as if the storm was celebrating, because last night she did drown, and now they were just mocking her because of it. They weren’t even trying to drown her again, they already knew she was drowning, and they could do it again so easily, they were just waiting for the perfect moment.</p><p>Well, Marinette wasn’t prepared for when that moment finally arrived.</p><p>The door in the front room suddenly made a loud chime as someone entered the boutique, making Marinette slowly look up at the open door to the little room. She sighed as she pushed herself out of the chair she was in and walked on shaky legs out of the room.</p><p>She turned the corner and into the center part of the boutique, putting on a smile for whoever’s there to show just how much of a mess she wasn’t… before she saw who it was.</p><p><em>Please, </em>she begged whatever God was out there. <em>Please, I can’t deal with her right now. </em></p><p>“Hey there,” Lila said, smiling at her as she faced Marinette. “How’s it going?”</p><p>Marinette stared at her, relatively surprised she was here. “What are you doing here?”</p><p>Lila snorted, “What? No friendly hello?”</p><p>“The last time you were ‘friendly’ to me, was in high school, and that didn’t end well,” Marinette countered, crossing her arms at her chest. “So, what are you doing here?”</p><p>Lila scoffed, “Yeah, I guess you’re right.” She sighed heavily before she reached out and traced her finger over a beautiful dress. “I’ll cut right to the chase then.”</p><p>“You mean you’re not here just to torment me some more?” Marinette asked, raising an eyebrow.</p><p>Lila laughed, “I knew you had some spite in you, Marinette,” she said, turning and crossing her arms at her chest. “I just wanted to talk to you.”</p><p>“Oh?” Marinette asked, not believing it for a second. “What about?”</p><p>Lila hesitated, actually <em>hesitated</em>, before she glanced around like she was looking for something or someone. She grew uneasy, shifting on her feet as she carefully met Marinette’s eyes once more, a look of urgency in them.</p><p>“Is there anyone in here?” she asked quietly.</p><p>Marinette faltered, glancing to the side uneasily. “No?”</p><p>“Good,” Lila said, suddenly walking closer and Marinette instinctively took a step back while Lila quickly closed the distance between them. “We need to talk,” she said, urgency in her eyes when she stood a few feet in front of her.</p><p>“About what?” Marinette asked, the look in the other’s eyes intriguing her.</p><p>Lila hesitated again before looking around, as if someone was listening in on their conversation. “We can’t talk about this here,” she said, looking back at Marinette. “Got somewhere more private?”</p><p>Marinette hesitated, not liking the sound of being alone in a place with just Lila for company, but there was something going on. Obviously, Lila had something important to talk to her about, something that needed privacy and required being discrete. She obviously didn’t trust her; there is past evidence that she should absolutely not trust her, in fact it could be dangerous.</p><p>But it was the look in her eyes, the convincing stare with urgency in her gaze that had Marinette nodding in agreement, now just curious what Lila of all people could tell her.</p><p>“This way,” Marinette said, nodding to the back of the room as she turned, hearing Lila’s footsteps close behind her as they made their way to the back of the store.</p><p>They walked through the threshold of the little room and Marinette gave Tikki a quick gesture to hide before Lila walked in, just after her small companion disappeared inside the desk.</p><p>She turned back to Lila as she closed the door behind her, crossing her arms in a sign of defense and distrust of the situation. “Okay, what do you want?”</p><p>Lila turned to her as she let go of the door, and stepped more into the room. “If I told you, you’d probably run the other direction.”</p><p>“I don’t run from anything,” Marinette snapped at her, more distrust of the situation by the second. “Why are you here, Lila?”</p><p>Lila hesitated again, making Marinette even more frustrated and irritated of the situation. She didn’t trust Lila one bit, considering how awful she’s been to her in the past; it was her own curiosity that betrayed her and made her want to know what she was hiding. Whatever it could be, she didn’t have a good feeling about it.</p><p>“Lila, if you’re just going to stand there and not tell me what this is you can just—”</p><p>“I know you’re Ladybug,” Lila suddenly blurted.</p><p>Marinette faltered, staring at her in confusion. “Wh-What?”</p><p>She shrugged half-heartedly. “I know you’re Ladybug.”</p><p>She just stared at her. “H-How… how did you—”</p><p>“That doesn’t matter right now,” Lila said, taking a step forward, opening her mouth to say something more but Marinette cut her off.</p><p>“Of course it matters! You’re the last person I want knowing!” Marinette exploded on her, feeling the panic swelling up inside her as she stared at the unwanted person in front of her.</p><p>“Listen to me,” Lila said, urgency once again in her voice. “I’m…” she trailed off, her voice becoming softer as she looked away… with a shameful—<em>guilty </em>look in her eyes. “I’m… sorry…”</p><p>Marinette furrowed her eyebrows, confused once again. “Come again?”</p><p>“I’m sorry,” Lila said, louder and clearer as she looked back up at her. “I’m sorry… for everything…”</p><p>Marinette stared at her, completely confused and dumbfounded by her words that sounded so <em>genuine </em>and <em>kind. </em>She still didn’t trust her, but she had to say, even if she was a liar, this was very believable.</p><p>“Sorry?” Marinette asked.</p><p>“Sorry,” Lila confirmed, before raising her hand to her, reaching out as if to shake her hand between them. “I… I’m not good with apologies,” she said sheepishly, shaking her head as she continued. “But… I’m not proud of my actions.”</p><p>Marinette watched her, confused still… because she looked like she was really, <em>really sorry. </em></p><p>“I hurt you and… and stole your best friend, and lied about you so many times and blamed you and put everyone against you for <em>years </em>and I—” she stopped, her eyes now brimming with <em>real </em>tears. “You do so much for this city, and you’ve even saved my sorry ass multiple times and it took so long to realize… but I see it now.” She looked back up at her and smiled, a real genuine smile. “I just wanted to make amends… apologize if you’re willing to accept it… and maybe we could be…” she locked eyes with her, a tear falling down her cheek. “Friends?”</p><p>Marinette stared at her, completely shocked. At first, she didn’t know how to react, first off, the person who’s tormented her for so many years was crying in front of her. Second, she knew she was Ladybug. Third, she wanted to be <em>friends, </em>and she would be lying if the idea didn’t sound tempting. Maybe Lila had changed, and maybe knowing she was Ladybug finally helped that.</p><p>She relaxed a little, her heart softening slightly at the crying girl in front of her. She <em>did </em>look sorry, and she sounded genuine, plus she was crying, it’s hard to just fake that. Not to mention that if Marinette rejected her, her identity could be in danger, and she couldn’t risk that, especially now.</p><p>How Lila found out, she had no idea, but she instinctively rushed to protect her secret. Or maybe, it was the temptation of a possible friend during these times that made her reach out and take her hand, lightly shaking it.</p><p>“I forgive you,” she said softly.</p><p>Lila stopped crying and looked up at her, relief crossing her eyes. She sniffled, “Really?”</p><p>Marinette nodded, before lightly squeezing her hand. “I believe in second chances.”</p><p>Lila sniffled before reaching up, still holding onto Marinette’s hand almost too hard, like she didn’t want her to let go. She wiped her tears away and sniffled a few times, before resting her other hand over hers.</p><p>Then she suddenly smirked, “Good.”</p><p>She yanked her arm up and across her body with one hand before grabbing the back of her belt behind her under Marinette’s arm. She quickly judo flipped her surprised form onto the ground, her body slamming onto the floor and knocking the air out of her lungs.</p><p>Marinette’s vision went fuzzy as the air quickly left her lungs in a harsh push on her diaphragm, and she struggled to regain oxygen. She felt the pressure increase on her neck suddenly and instinctively lashed out, her vision slightly clearing to see Lila kneeling over her, straddling her waist and pinning her to the ground. Her grip on her neck was tight, barely giving her room to breath and just tight enough that she clawed at her iron like grip, pining her head to the ground.</p><p>“You’re really gullible, you know,” Lila said, smirking down at her. “That was the <em>worst </em>lie I’ve ever told to someone.”</p><p>Marinette gasped and squirmed under Lila, but she was strong and had the dominance, holding her down with her weight and grip. She tried to frantically push Lila off her, but as soon as her fight got more intense Lila’s grip on her neck tightened harshly, her nails biting into her neck and closing off her airway.</p><p>“Stop fighting and I’ll let you breathe,” Lila said coldly, the venom in her voice promising.</p><p>It took everything in Marinette to lay still, pushing back on her instinct to survive against her dominance, but she really wanted to breath, so she went still under her.</p><p>“There you go,” Lila said coolly as Marinette went completely still under her, before unlocking her tight grip and allowed her to breath, and she gasped.</p><p>“Alright, listen,” Lila said, flipping her hair over her shoulder. “Since I know your Ladybug, you’re going to do <em>exactly </em>what I say, or else I’ll out you.” She chuckled darkly, “And we both know how convincing I can be.”</p><p>Marinette didn’t say anything. She would’ve spat in her face, but she figured that’s maybe not be the best idea right now.</p><p>“Such pretty earrings,” Lila said, grinning as she reached out and tugged loose hair away from her face before fiddling with her earlobe and touching the jewel. She studied it carefully, “I could just take it right now.”</p><p>Marinette whimpered in protest.</p><p>“Oh, don’t worry, I’m not,” she said, retracting her hand and looking back at her. “You’ll need them later; I’ll just take them when the time is right.” She reached out and harshly grabbed her hair, before shoving the back of her head against the ground, drawing a cry of pain from Marinette.</p><p>“Oh, stop whining,” she said, tugging on her hair harder, making her whimper. “You’ve taken worse hits.” She stalled as a thought occurred to her, and she smirked. “In fact, you’ll be taking a harder hit later.”</p><p>Marinette stared at her, a questioning gaze that Lila read easily.</p><p>“Oh, you’ll see,” she said, smirking. “We wouldn’t want to ruin the surprise. I just came here to give you a fair warning,” she said, before letting go of her neck and harshly grabbing her jaw, making Marinette sob in pain as she squeezed hard and pined her head to the floor again.</p><p>“Listen to me, <em>Marinette</em>,” she said, her voice low and threatening. “You’re going to get through the rest of the day, take whatever people say to you and about you, you’re going to stand by and <em>watch it happen </em>later tonight, and stay silent and unresponsive to anyone. You can’t tell anyone what is happening to you today or so help me,” She pushed her head harder into the floor, making Marinette whine in pain. “I will torture, maim and <em>kill </em>anyone and everyone you’ve ever said <em>hello </em>to.”</p><p>Marinette just sobbed, sobs embarrassingly escaping her chest as she gave up her fight against the girl above her, nodding in agreement.</p><p>But that was before the necklace slipped out from under Lila’s shirt, and Marinette started at it as the recognition hit her hard.</p><p>“You—" she coughed as Lila loosened her grip so she could talk. “You have the butterfly miraculous.”</p><p>Lila smirked, not hiding it. “I know,” she said, before reaching out and taking the charm into her fingers, dangling it in front of her face. “Looks good on me, right?”</p><p>“G-Give it back,” Marinette said weakly, before sucking in a sharp painful breath as Lila gripped her throat again.</p><p>“To you? No,” she said, putting it back inside her shirt. “I think it suits me, and I’m gonna keep it.”</p><p>Marinette narrowed her eyes, a challenge rising up inside her, but it quickly died down when Lila suddenly tightened her grip on her throat, closing off her airway.</p><p>“Stay down, Marinette,” she said, before leaning down where their noses were close enough to almost touch, her eyes coldly staring into hers. “This conversation never happened. I’m going to walk out that door and you’re going to let me, or else,” she gripped her tighter, and Marinette’s vision got fuzzier as she writhed in agony under her. “Well, we wouldn’t want that.”</p><p>She suddenly released her, and she gasped loudly for air as her airway cleared and her lungs filled with sweet oxygen. Lila got off her, Marinette now too tired to try and stop her as she stood over her, her dominance clearly stated.</p><p>“Remember what I said,” she said, before stepping over her and turning towards the door, pulling it open and looking back at her, smiling like they had a nice little chat. “That was fun!” she said, before walking out into the outer room, “Let’s do it again sometime!”</p><p>Her footsteps echoed outside until she reached the main doors, pulling it open with another chime, and walking out into the air.</p><p>Marinette lay on the ground for a long time, coughing and struggling to get a full breath of air in her lungs. She touched her already aching stomach as the muscles overworked themselves to try and get air inside her body. She convulsed, and honestly felt like she was going to throw up again from how hard her abdomen was punching itself right now.</p><p>“Marinette?” Tikki called, appearing in her line of vision above her, a very concerned look in her eyes as she stared down at her.</p><p>She looked at her little companion for a moment, before she sobbed, covering her mouth as she felt the tears rolling down the sides of her face. She was no longer coughing for air, now she was sobbing and begging for relief, which seemed impossible to find now.</p><p>“Marinette, call someone,” Tikki urged, tugging on her arm a little as she trembled. “Call Adrien, Claire, Chanel, your parents, someone.”</p><p>Marinette forced another sob down to speak, removing her hand from her face before swallowing harshly and shaking her head. “You heard what she said, Tikki, I can’t tell anyone or she’ll—” she stopped as another sob ripped across her chest.</p><p>“But Marinette,” Tikki said quietly, “She just… Lila just physically assaulted you, and she has something planned for you later—you can’t do all that alone, not now.” She stopped as her holder sobbed harder, convulsing on the floor. “You need to tell someone, Marinette.”</p><p>She shook her head, “I can’t.”</p><p>“Marinette—”</p><p>“I can’t Tikki!” she shouted, sobbing again as she struggled to push out her next sentence. “I can’t r-risk a-anyone by asking f-for h-help,” she said, stopping to take a sharp breath. “If I do, then they could get k-killed.”</p><p>“She wouldn’t know if you did it in secret,” Tikki said carefully.</p><p>Marinette again shook her head, “I can’t risk it,” she said, then forced herself with a whimper of pain onto her side, curling into a fetal position to try and hide away from the agony inside her soul.</p><p>Tikki snuggled closer to her holder, trying to hold it together for her sake. “You just need to keep fighting, Marinette, everything’s going to be okay.”</p><p>Marinette only sobbed harder, muffling her cries into her hands because she wanted to believe it, she really did. She wanted to hope despite all the pain and agony, to hope against the hopeless situation that has overwhelmed her to the point where she feels like giving up. She wanted to stand up and fight, for once not let it bother her. She wanted to be stronger than this.</p><p>But, in all honesty, all the fight slowly drained out of Marinette Dupain-Cheng as she cried on the floor.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Dropping angst is my specialty. </p><p>And no the angst isn't over yet. </p><p>Next chapter is really, REALLY intense, so be careful. </p><p>(please don't hate me)<br/>Much love!<br/>~happt</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0027"><h2>27. I Can't...</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Marinette is keeping her deal with Lila. She stays quiet, Lila stays quiet. </p><p>...but at what cost?</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>WARNINGS: Triggered Panic Attacks, SUICIDE WARNING, Graphic Descriptions, and Descriptions or Implied Self-Harm.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chapter 27: I Can’t...</p><p> </p><p>It used to be so easy to hide everything inside, so easy to just say that she was “fine” and walk away while her mind continued to rage at her. It used to be so simple to just smile a little bit and pretend like everything was okay, when it wasn’t, when she was burning on the inside, when she felt like she was dying.</p><p>But now… now it seemed so… so hard.</p><p>Impossible, even.</p><p>She didn’t entirely know where she was, only that she was shrouded in darkness and she’s been there for hours. She vaguely remembers coming home in a stumbling fashion, muttering something incoherent to Mlle. Abreo about her needing to get home. She remembered stumbling inside her apartment like she was drunk or high, walking on shaking legs towards the couch, and then collapsing on it.</p><p>The room itself was covered in a thick layer of darkness, like the waves inside her mind had escaped and decided to hang out in the same room as her. As if hoping they had escaped her, Marinette was almost relieved for the silence, but as time grew on, it became her worst enemy.</p><p>Her mind was quiet, too quiet. She hated how uncomfortable and empty she felt. She felt as if there was something missing, her entire heart and being had been cleared, carved and forced out of her like she was a stuffed toy.</p><p>Her head was full of mud, her thoughts slicking out of her grip and drowning themselves as she tried to fight back against the darkness, the darkness that had its hold on her. She felt so empty it hurt, and she didn’t understand why it hurt so much, why it hurt so much to feel numb. She didn’t like it, she wanted to feel warm, not cold. She wanted to be filled, not empty. She wanted to be loved, not hated.</p><p>“Marinette?”</p><p>She flinched as something touched her hand and she opened her eyes, finding Tikki in her line of vision a comforting sight.</p><p>“Hey,” she croaked, before clearing her throat. “How long was I out?”</p><p>Tikki stared at her for a while, “Maybe ten minutes.”</p><p>Marinette nodded, sighing heavily. The blackouts were getting longer, and the panic attacks were getting worse. Her anxiety has increased ten-fold and she honestly felt so hot yet so cold that she just wanted to drown and burn at the same time.</p><p>It was a strange feeling, dying inside.</p><p>“I feel so sick,” she said, curling more in on herself. “Tikki, where am I?”</p><p>“You’re in your apartment, on your couch,” she paused as if she were studying her. “Marinette can you please call someone now? You’ve been having blackouts for hours.”</p><p>The darkness inside the apartment was haunting, and the slowly dimming light outside was another reason why it was so dark. The day was already ending, and she felt like she hadn’t even lived it.</p><p>“I… I can’t,” she said, shaking her head and burying her face in her elbow. “I can’t… I can’t risk them.”</p><p>“But… But…” Tikki said, struggling with her words. “Marinette,<em> please</em>, I’m begging you.”</p><p>Before she could respond her phone rang on the coffee table, telling her she had a notification that needed her attention. With a whine of pain and exhaustion, Marinette was able to push herself to a sitting position on her couch and carefully picked up her phone with shaky hands.</p><p>She opened it and the bright screen assaulted her eyes before she could turn down the brightness. Once she did, she pulled down from the top of her screen and read her notification, furrowed her eyebrows, before pressing on it.</p><p>
  <em>“—man currently on top of a building, standing on the edge and threatening to jump off—” </em>
</p><p>“Oh my God,” Marinette said, covering her mouth with her hand.</p><p>“What is it?” Tikki asked.</p><p>“Someone’s gonna jump,” she said, before she pushed herself off her couch and standing up, immediately feeling woozy.</p><p>“Marinette, are you sure this is—”</p><p>“If I can save someone then <em>yes, it is</em> a good idea,” Marinette argued, looking at her kwami with urgency. “If I can help him, then this will save him. I can’t… I can’t sit back and do nothing.”</p><p>Tikki stared at her holder for a long time, before nodding grimly at her as Marinette called upon her transformation and Ladybug stood in the middle of the room. She climbed out of her window before jumping off her fire escape, using her yo-yo to fling through the air to get to the building.</p><p>She saw the building in the distance, ten stories high with a figure at the top looking down at the ground from above. There were a bunch of people at the base of the building, looking up and shouting things at him that she couldn’t make out.</p><p>Before she knew it, she landed on top of the large apartment complex, maybe ten stories high, and a man was standing on the edge on the other side of the rooftop, looking down. His back was turned to her, his legs slightly spread and his shoulders heaving like he was breathing heavily.</p><p>Ladybug stared at him for a minute, noticing his tension and the hesitation in his figure. He wasn’t set on it just yet, he was debating, but there was still a chance she could save him.</p><p>“Hey,” she said carefully, softly so she didn’t scare him.</p><p>The man flinched before whipping around, his eyes alert as he spotted her, his face blooming in a fit of fear and anger.</p><p>Ladybug held an arm out in a nonthreatening manner, “You don’t need to be afraid of me,” she said calmly, raising her hands at him. “I’m not going to hurt you.”</p><p>“B-But you…” he stared at her for what seemed like forever, before his face morphed into such rage Ladybug flinched as he started talking in a venomous tone. “You-You attacked Paris… you…” he started trembling with rage as he spat at her. “You killed my wife!”</p><p>Ladybug flinched and stepped back, raising her hands again as if he were going to attack her. “I…” she realized what he was talking about and she deflated. “I… I didn’t mean to—”</p><p>“You killed her!” he shouted back at her, not seeming to hear her quiet mutters. “I watched you kill her in the middle of the street! You—” he sobbed and suddenly started crying, and the sight broke her heart, his anger still evident as his emotions debilitated him.</p><p>Ladybug stared at the man, horrified at his reaction and disgusted with herself for all the horrible things she’s done. She didn’t care if she remembered it, she knew she did all this, caused all this pain. She was the cause of this man wanting to jump off this building. Her very muscles still remembered how <em>good </em>it felt to rip open her body, listening to the man’s screams in agony as she left her broken body to rot in the middle of the street.</p><p>She hated herself for all the people she didn’t know she killed.</p><p>She swallowed thickly before taking a tentative step forward. “Sir,” she said quietly as she approached him. “I just need to get you off this roof. It’s not safe—”</p><p>“No, you’re the one that’s not safe!” he shouted at her, pointing at her with a harsh jerk of his hand. “You leave us for years and come back just to kill people?! People with families?! My <em>wife?!” </em>He gave her such a harsh look it physically hurt her to look at him. “<em>You </em>should be the one that’s dead! Not my wife!”</p><p>It was scary how much she agreed with that.</p><p>She stared at him with shock, watching him as he stumbled towards the edge, his face contorting with pain and agony as tears rolled down his face. Ladybug watched his dazed form stumble away from her and more towards the edge. He seemed unaware of how close he was getting to the side of the building, and this action jerked her out of her stupor, and she acted.</p><p>She stepped forward, “Sir! Watch out!”</p><p>“Stay away from me!” he cried out, taking another step backwards.</p><p>He was right on the edge.</p><p>“Sir stop!” she cried, taking another step forward.</p><p>That was her mistake.</p><p>The man attempted to step back again, trying to get away from her, but there was no more roof to step back on. The man made a startled gasp as he lost his balance and fell backwards, gravity taking hold of his body and pulling him hard towards the ground below.</p><p>She cried out as she jumped forward, attempting to grab onto his leg, pants, anything that would enable her to grab him and haul him up. But he was already falling, and her heart dropped in her stomach as he fell out of her reach. He went over the edge just as she landed on her stomach at the end of the rooftop, him falling headfirst towards the ground. She felt his shoe tip barely graze his fingertips before he fell out of reach. She threw her yo-yo down the side of the building just as he fell over, trying to reach him and save him.</p><p>But it was a small building. The fall only lasted seconds, before his screams cut off abruptly, people below crying out as well as he hit the ground, his body crunching against the pavement, just as her yo-yo reached him.</p><p>Ladybug made a cry as she fell backwards, scrambling away from the edge as she tried to force the images from her mind. The horrifying image that wouldn’t burn so easily and was plastered itself there, like a giant framed painting of a job “well done.”</p><p>She had a hand to her mouth as she struggled to let herself breath, but she couldn’t allow herself to, not with the agony ripping at her chest, forcing her to bleed instead of breath. Everything inside her collapsed in on itself and only replayed the traumatic event over and over, again and again. It tormented her in the worst ways possible, a silent torture she allowed herself to do upon herself that was slowly killing everything inside her. The haunted image of a man, splattered on the ground, was all she saw in her line of vision now, as her body forced it to lock down.</p><p>She was in complete, utter shock.</p><p>“Ladybug?”</p><p>She cried out unexpectedly as she clambered to her feet, whipping around to face whatever demon was going to kill her this time. Whatever the night had planned for her, it couldn’t be good.</p><p>But when she saw who was standing there, she couldn’t tell whether or not Fate was on her side, or not.</p><p>Chat Noir stood there, his eyes wide and terrified as he gazed at her. “What… what happened?” he asked, staring at her before carefully looking around the building rooftop. “Where… where’s the… I got here as soon as I could… I could’ve sworn—”</p><p>“He’s dead,” she said, her voice shaking.</p><p>He stared at her, his eyes widening and his ears drooping. “What—”</p><p>“He fell off,” Ladybug explained, her bottom lip trembling as she bit down harshly on it. “I-I couldn’t… I scared him and… and he—”</p><p>“It’s not your fault,” he said softly, his gaze soft and sad.</p><p>Ladybug looked up at him with tears already forming in her eyes, anxiety and such depressing waters drowning her harshly into the waves. But the longer she stared at him, the quicker the memories of the night before came back to her, and she got angry. Oh, so angry, with him, with how shitty today has been, with Lila and everything that has come down on <em>her </em>of all people.</p><p>She was done.</p><p>And she just exploded.</p><p>“That’s not what you said last night!” she yelled at him, him flinching in surprise and raising his eyebrows at her. “Last night you told me that <em>all of this—” </em>she gestured around at the city. “—Was my fault! What could’ve changed your mind over night?!”</p><p>“Everything!” he said back, urgency in his eyes rather than anger this time. “<em>Everything </em>changed overnight Ladybug! The city is crumbling, people are dead, and <em>everyone </em>is blaming you for it! I don’t—” he stopped to regather his thoughts as he took a shaky breath. “I don’t want to blame you any longer,” he said quieter.</p><p>But Ladybug was still angered, she still had spite inside her soul which was catching fire. She felt as if she were going to burn to the ground until she had nothing left, until she got everything out. She felt like fighting this, but only because her hatred for everything right now was ruining her. She felt like giving up so much that she wanted to fight everyone on everything and challenge them when they say she matters, and that her problems matter.</p><p>She did not matter to anyone, not anymore. Not when she felt like she has killed thousands. Not when she had the world on her shoulders, and she was being crushed by their sins and hers alike. Not when all the deaths fell upon her, because she was covered in their blood, and their blood was her blood.</p><p>Boiling inside her like a hot furnace, all the anger rose out of her like a volcano about to erupt, and she struggled to keep it inside her for a long time. Even though it seemed as if Chat Noir wanted to make amends, her will to fight and live was all gone now, and so was her desire to please everyone and anyone.</p><p>So, she let the heat rise within in her, and she burst at the seams.</p><p>The fight was over for her, but her anger still lived on.</p><p>“You can’t just take back what you said!” she shouted, pointing at him with an accusatory look in her eyes. “You still blame me and you’re <em>lying </em>to me about it! Why? Because you want to keep your record? Be all of Paris’ sunshine boy and model and flirt with everyone in a ten-mile radius, huh?!”</p><p>“I’m not lying!” he cried back, urgency more prominent in his voice. “I would never lie to you! I’m not still talking to you because I want to ‘keep my record’!”</p><p>“Not lying to me, right?!” she countered angerly. “What about the time when you lied about my death? How you kept that from me and <em>lied </em>about it and was going to <em>keep lying </em>about it for what, all my life? Or just till I found out?!”</p><p>“I—” she shook his head, gazing at her with a sad expression that only hurt her more. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”</p><p>“Well you did!” she cried, her voice cracking. “You hurt me by leaving, you hurt me by lying, and you hurt me for blaming everything on me, including giving up the butterfly miraculous in order to save your life!”</p><p>“Because you shouldn’t have given it up!” he shouted, exploding just as hard and angry as she did. “You should have let that thing stay in the Miracle Box where it belonged!”</p><p>“See? There you go again!” she shouted at him, taking a shaky breath as she gestured at him. “You’re blaming me again!”</p><p>“Then tell me why you let it go,” he asked, looking at her with a tired expression. “Give me a <em>good</em> reason not to mad about this.”</p><p>She gritted her teeth at him, “Because I couldn’t lose you,” she said, staring at him, almost like she was challenging him. “I’m not just going to sit back and let my <em>partner</em> get crushed to death.”</p><p>“That’s not the real reason,” he said, stepping closer and lowering his voice. “I already know you’re scared to lose me, and I’m scared of losing you to. But that’s not the real reason why you saved me. You’re not telling me the truth, Marinette,” he said, staring at her. “Why did you give it up?”</p><p>She almost growled in anger. “I just told you!”</p><p>“You’re not telling me!” he cried back, gesturing at nothing. “You <em>can </em>lose me, Ladybug! You don’t <em>need </em>me!”</p><p>“I wasn’t going to let you die if I could do something about it!” she shouted at him, pointing at him again. “And you’re wrong, by the way! I do need you!”</p><p>“Why?” he asked, his voice hard. “Why do you need me?”</p><p>She faltered at this, freezing under his demanding eyes that seemed to pin her where she was, making her go still as a statue. “I… I—”</p><p>“The truth,” he said, dominance and demand in his voice as it lowered. “I want the truth, Ladybug. Why do <em>you </em>need <em>me?” </em></p><p>She stared up at him for a minute, noticing the way how his eyes never left hers, pining her to the rooftop beneath her feet. He had such an affect on her, even in her darkest moment, he somehow knew how to reach her through all the fog.</p><p>But she couldn’t tell him.</p><p>She couldn’t.</p><p>She raked a hand through her hair and avoided his gaze, feeling the heaviness settle over her chest, like a dumbbell was ready to crush her ribs. She could feel the pressure rising, a bomb about ready to go off, the anticipation, the spark on the fuse getting closer to the explosive. She could let it happen, let it explode, let herself feel for the first time in several days, but she couldn’t.</p><p>She couldn’t risk hurting Chat.</p><p>“I can’t,” she said quietly, struggling out the word while she bit her lip to prevent herself from outright saying she was lying. She couldn’t lie to him, and she hated when she did, because he always knew when she was being untruthful, even when it’s her best lie.</p><p>“I know you’re lying, Ladybug,” he pried, stepping even closer to her and she held her breath as he caught her eyes and held her gaze, paralyzing her with his gentle yet demanding gaze. “Tell me why you need me.”</p><p>She stared at him, the truth right on the tip of her tongue, and all she wanted to do was say it. She could even scream it if she wanted, scream it from the roof top, claim it as hers and only hers. She could so simply say it.</p><p>But she can’t.</p><p>She shook her head and tore her eyes away from him, looking down. “I can’t,” she said, her voice cracking as she felt shame wash over her. “I’m… I’m sorry.”</p><p>That’s when he got frustrated, and she felt it, she felt his roll of anger that made him step away, tossing his arms in the air. He gave an exasperated breath as he struggled to hold down his rising emotions, his shoulders tensing and heaving up and down.</p><p>“And why not?” he asked, louder this time while he turned back to her. “Why is it so hard to tell me?”</p><p>She looked up at him, alarmed by the way her tongue almost moved in sync with what she really wanted to say. She bit down on it, and continued instead with, “I-I just… can’t.”</p><p>“What? Ladybug!” Chat cried, urgency and hurt in his voice that startled her so much she looked up and was horrified when she saw the tears prickling in the corners of his eyes. “Why is it so hard to talk to me?!”</p><p>“Because I’m not allowed to tell you!” she shouted, her slapping her hand over her mouth again since she let it slip. She felt the waves inside her head roaring in the harsh waters, grabbing the sides of her head as she felt like it was splitting open. “Shit, <em>shit</em>, I’m sorry!”</p><p>“Ladybug?” Chat called carefully, before raising his voice because she couldn’t hear him. “Why aren’t you allowed to tell me?!”</p><p>“BECAUSE I FUCKING LOVE YOU!”</p><p>The rooftop went dead silent.</p><p>Just like the night before, it took her a second to realize what she just said, and she slapped a hand over her mouth when she finally replayed it all back. She stared at him wide-eyed, watching his blank, surprised and shocked expression stare back at hers like some paralyzed ghost.</p><p>“Wh-what?” he asked, his voice quiet.</p><p>Ladybug shook her head and dropped her hand, looking down in shame as panic started swelling inside her. “I-I’m sorry… I didn’t mean—”</p><p>“No, no, hold on,” he said, taking a step closer and making her look up. His arm outstretched to her in a nonthreatening manner, but it looked just as dangerous as a snake bite to her. “Just…” he stared at her, nearing her carefully. “Just… say it again, please.”</p><p>She felt a tear roll down her face as she shook her head, backing away from him as he tried nearing her. “I-I…” she squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head, contorting her face like she was in pain. “I can’t, I’m sorry.”</p><p>“What do you mean?” he asked, his voice now concerned. “Ladybug, what’s going on?”</p><p>“I-I—” she sobbed and covered her face. “I can’t tell you.”</p><p>“Ladybug, what?” he said, stopping his attempts to near her. His face seemed to register as he gazed at her, “Is… is someone threatening you?”</p><p>She looked up at him then and shook her head again, beginning to back away again. “I can’t tell you anything, Chat, I’m sorry.”</p><p>Before he could respond she ran and jumped off the side of the building and into the side alleyway between two buildings. She heard Chat following her, calling her name with alarm in it but she ignored it and quickly walked out of the alleyway, turning the corner.</p><p>But something worse was before her.</p><p>Police cars with flashing red and blue lights surrounded the area, cornering her against the building. At least a dozen of them were flashing their lights and chirping their sirens, all holding several handguns out towards her. One policeman, a lot older than most of the deputies, stood on top of one of the police cruisers with a megaphone at his side, before he spotted her and lifted it to his mouth.</p><p>
  <em>“Ladybug! We’ve got you surrounded! Surrender yourself and no one has to get hurt!” </em>
</p><p>Ladybug looked up above her and saw the two, very loud helicopters above her as they hovered with spotlights shining down on her and more heavily padded men hanging outside the doors, weapons drawn.</p><p>She quickly turned around to start sprinting out of there, desperate to keep her secret, but she stopped when she saw who was in her way, a bigger obstacle than any number of policemen.</p><p>“Ladybug…” Chat said sadly, his ears drooped as he stared at her.</p><p>She looked up franticly and back at the cop cars, desperately looking for an escape. She saw a chimney across the street and quickly threw her yo-yo at it, both Chat and the policemen yelling at her to stop before she yanked herself into the air. She flew quickly through the air, hearing the helicopters pursing her from behind at a quicker pace than she was flying at.</p><p>She hit a rooftop hard and kept running, sprinting as fast as her super charged legs would take her, feeling the sweat starting to fall down her face. She could hear the distant sirens blaring into the air as the chase was on, and she wasn’t intending on getting caught.</p><p>She saw a spotlight shine down on her, her shadow a dark silhouette on the rooftop beneath her as she looked over her shoulder and up into the air.</p><p><em>“Surrender Ladybug!” </em>the voice boomed over the speakers on the helicopter above her. <em>“Before we open fire!” </em></p><p>Ladybug only sprinted harder, just barely getting past the line of the of the spotlight before her foot unexpectantly hit the edge of the rooftop, and she lost her balance. She flew down into the alleyway below her, going airborne for only a few seconds before her middle hit the fire escape on the other building. She flipped backwards once before she finally hit the ground hard, no air left inside her lungs.</p><p>She gave herself only a couple seconds to regain her bearings and whimper in pain before she heard the helicopter again. She scrambled out of the line of sight of the spotlight, pushing herself against the wall as hard as she could just as the spotlight entered the alleyway from above. It lingered there for a long moment, seeming to search for her, before it continued on and studied along the other rooftops as the hover craft left her sight as well.</p><p>She waited a few second to let it get further away and to catch her breath before she used the nearby trashcan to help herself stand onto her feet.</p><p>She stumbled against the wall and used it to walk out of the alleyway, searching the street for any sign of danger, before she stepped out into it, in the open. She almost fell over several times from the lack of air in her lungs and the unbearable pain inside her body from the hard fall.</p><p>“Ladybug!”</p><p>She whipped around, fully alert again before she saw Chat running along a nearby building, jumping off it and rolling onto the street, immediately running to her.</p><p>“Stop running!” he called to her, as she turned around to leave again. “I can help you!”</p><p>“No, you can’t!” she cried back, turning to him again. “You can’t help me no matter how hard you try! Look around you!” she shouted, gesturing at the city. “I destroyed the city, killed a bunch of people, the police are after me and now I’m a wanted fugitive!”</p><p>“We can fix this!” he cried, trying again to approach her. “Just—Just come back to my place, okay? We’ll figure this out.”</p><p>“Then what?!” she cried, tears running down her face. “Just hide out until it dies down?! I can’t do that! I’m going to have to fight akumas, sentimonsters, anything the people of Paris can’t handle!”</p><p>“You’re not alone Ladybug,” he said carefully, as he began approaching her again.</p><p>A wave a fear rolled into her chest. “S-Stay back Chat!”</p><p>“No!” he shouted as he grabbed her arm and stopped her from running. He held her wrists firmly in his grasp as he stared down at her. “You need to tell me what’s going on. Right now. Who’s threatening you?”</p><p>“I can’t!” she shouted, yanking herself from his grasp, but he reached out and grabbed the sides of her face and pressed his forehead to hers.</p><p>“Stop running from me,” he said gently, his intake of breath shaky as he begged her. “Please, come home with me. You’re going to be okay.”</p><p>She wanted so desperately to hold onto the moment forever that for a second, she let herself believe it, she let herself believe that she could have this. She let herself bask in his warmth for a few, long, torturous—<em>dangerous </em>seconds. She could feel him relaxing against her, feeling her believe it, but what he didn’t know was that she was going to turn tail and run any second.</p><p>But for a second, she let herself have it.</p><p>Possibly for the last time.</p><p>“What’s going on, My Lady?” he said quietly, his warmth still gentle and caring. “I need you to tell me what’s going on.”</p><p>She shook her head against him, “I can’t,” she whispered to him.</p><p>“It’s just you and me here,” he said, gentleness emanating from his soothing voice. “You can tell me anything.”</p><p>She started crying again, “I c-can’t, Chat, I can’t.”</p><p>“My Lady—”</p><p>“Just please stop,” she said, quickly pulling away from him, the feeling like ripping off a band aid from a really sore cut.</p><p>His expression was so gentle and caring that it was hard not to run back into the safety of his arms, those arms that could hold her in these moments. The darkest moments.</p><p>“Ladybug,” he said, taking a step towards her. “Ladybug, you’re scaring me.”</p><p>“Stay back, please,” she begged, holding a hand up between them, but he didn’t stop approaching her. “Chat stop!” she yelled.</p><p>“No! I’m not letting you go!” he cried back for her, reaching to take her hand, but she snapped away from him.</p><p>“Don’t,” she said, the hot tears like acid running down her cheeks. “Don’t, Chat.”</p><p>He took a step forward into her space, “Ladybug—”</p><p>“Stop!” she yelled, shoving him away hard and fast, backing away to put distance between them. “Stop trying to save me! Stay away from me! <strong><em>I hate you</em></strong>!” she screamed, before she turned tail and ran into the night, sobbing horribly and barely staying on her feet as she sprinted for the safety of her apartment.</p><p>Chat Noir didn’t try and run after her this time.</p><p>.               .               .</p><p>She was so tired, so tired of running, so tired of fighting. She just wanted the roaring waves inside her head to stop, for everything all around her to stop. She wanted her world to stop spinning, she wanted to let the white noise drown her and let the currents drag her under the surface of the waves. She wanted to be in the silence of the sea, she wanted to listen to the silence as it filled her ears and let everything just <em>drown. </em></p><p>She just wanted it to stop. She was<em> begging </em>it to stop.</p><p>But it wasn’t, and maybe that was the problem.</p><p>She could hear the distant sirens outside her window and she occasionally saw the flashing blue and red lights that passed her building. The chase was still on, policemen and authorities keeping a sharp eye for the red and black superhero, that had unknowingly slipped back into her apartment.</p><p>She stared at the open window from across the room, sitting on the floor with her knees pulled up to her chest and tears silently running down her face. The room was almost pitch black, the glowing softness of the moon her only source of light now as its rays streamed in through the window.</p><p>“Marinette?” she vaguely heard Tikki’s voice, and she tilted her head in the direction she was coming from to listen again. “Can you hear me?”</p><p>She stilled before nodding slowly, not taking her eyes off the window. Another roar of sirens passed by her apartment on the streets below, the red and blue lights flashing momentarily before disappearing along with the noise.</p><p>The room fell dead silent again.</p><p>“Marinette,” Tikki said softly, before lying a little paw on her holder’s knee. “I <em>really </em>think you should call someone.”</p><p>She shook her head, “You know I can’t.” Another tear silently rolled down her face as she watched the still night outside slowly drag on. She took a shaky breath, “Someone could get hurt.”</p><p>“Yeah, <em>you,</em>” Tikki said, her voice taking on that gentle motherly tone as she continued. “Marinette, I hate pushing you, but you need to—”</p><p>“I killed someone, Tikki,” she said, more tears falling down her face.</p><p>Tikki stared at her owner for a long moment. “Marinette—”</p><p>“<em>I killed someone!” </em>she cried, finally breaking and sobbing into her hands as her resolve crumbled once again. “I killed so many people! I killed his wife, I killed him… I remember faces of people I killed but I don’t know their names! All I remember are their <em>screams!</em>” She sobbed and covered her entire face, her entire body trembling as she struggled to push the dark thoughts out of her head. “I… I deserve to be punished… I’ve caused so much pain—”</p><p>“Marinette, please don’t think like that,” Tikki said, panic slowly edging into her voice. “This isn’t your fault.”</p><p>“But <em>it is!</em>” she cried, sobbing again while facing her kwami. “Everyone keeps saying it is! And they’re right!<em> I’m</em> the one that let go of the butterfly miraculous! <em>I’m</em> to the one that got akumatised!<em> I’m</em> the one that <em>killed</em> all those people!” She made a small noise and buried her face in her hands, “It’s my fault,” she said, her voice muffled from behind her hands.</p><p>“It’s not Marinette!” Tikki countered, flying closer to her owner’s face. “This is <em>not </em>your fault.”</p><p>Marinette shook her head, “Please stop lying to me, Tikki.”</p><p>“I’m not.”</p><p>“Then stop saying it!” she cried, looking back up at her kwami furiously. “I just—” she stopped, looking down again and seeing her trembling hands. “I just…” she shook her head, more tears falling from her eyes. “I… I don’t deserve…” she sniffled and began sobbing again, covering her face. “I don’t deserve to be Ladybug.”</p><p>Tikki was silent for a moment, and she could hear the panic in her voice when she spoke. “Yes, you do Marinette.”</p><p>“<em>No, I don’t</em>!” she shouted, reaching up and taking one earring out, furiously unclasping it and removing it from her ear. “I don’t deserve this!”</p><p>“Marinette! What are you <em>doing?!” </em></p><p>“I can’t do it anymore. I can’t.”</p><p>“Marinette, please don’t—”</p><p>“I renounce you, Tikki.”</p><p>There was a small spark of light that flashed around the room as Tikki disappeared inside the jewels once again, the miraculous flickering into camouflage mode as it went inactive in her hands.</p><p>She looked down at them for a second, a wave of fear rolling into her chest as her tears built more heavily and fell onto the floor beneath her.</p><p>She looked around the room, confused. “Tikki…?” she called.</p><p>There was just silence.</p><p>Marinette broke down in harder sobs this time, gripping the earrings in her hands hard even as the tiny needle bit into her skin. She didn’t care, she was just trying to fight, trying to hold on to something as she was slowly pulled under the dark waves.</p><p>She stood from her spot and gently laid the miraculous on her counter, like she was afraid she’d hurt the little entity living inside them now.</p><p>She stumbled towards the bathroom, bracing herself against the hallway walls as she walked slowly there. She had a hard time reaching it, since the sobs and the agonizing tug in her chest kept making her fall to the floor in sputtered tears. The agony in her heart as she felt it breaking was unbearable and debilitated her to the point where she almost passed out several times.</p><p>But she made it to the bathroom, almost like it was her goal, but she didn’t sigh in relief.</p><p>She flicked the light on, whining and falling back against the wall from the sudden assault of light inside her eyes. She covered her face and made a noise that sounded between a groan and a sob, but she didn’t care; she was alone, and no one could hear her.</p><p>She finally dropped her hands from her face and slowly adjusted to the light in the bathroom, before looking up into the mirror before her, and sobbing at what she saw.</p><p>She knew she felt awful, and that she most likely looked the same, but she didn’t expect to be so hurt by how disgusting and horrible she looked. The bags under her eyes were so dark it looked like her eyes had been hollowed out. The tear stains down her face mixed with the mascara she put on this morning made her look even more disgusting as she tried to find the human beneath all that pain.</p><p>She bowed her head shamefully, trying to avoid looking at the creature in her mirror that she couldn’t recognize.</p><p>But that’s when she saw the razor.</p><p>Still bloodied and sitting there from the night before. It was the same one she’s used every time, and she knew this because she could hear her cries of agony inside the tiny piece of steel.</p><p>She reached out and picked it up, studying it carefully as her hands trembled and struggled to hold it between her fingertips. She fiddled with it a little longer, before she looked back up at the creature in her reflection, searching.</p><p>She didn’t know what she was searching for exactly, or what it could turn out to be. All that she knew was that she needed to find something, something that would keep her alive long enough.</p><p>She stared back at herself, searching long and hard, searching for her soul, a blink of light, a ray of hope, a colorful landscape or a rainbow within all this rain. Something that was there, anything that was beyond those helpless, worthless, <em>dead </em>eyes. She searched and with every passing moment, she started crying harder, because she wasn’t finding anything, she wasn’t seeing anything. She tried, looking for anything that was enough to keep her breaking heart beating, anything that would keep her there, in that world.</p><p>But she found nothing.</p><p>And all she saw beyond those eyes, was a shell, with nothing left.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>National Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1800-273-8255</p><p>Insta: @being_happy_official. DM me if you ever want to talk &lt;3</p><p>Stay safe my lovelies. </p><p>~happt</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0028"><h2>28. Skywalker</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>A past memory resurfaces, a conversation with Plagg, and a horrible find.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>READ THIS BEFORE CONTINUING!!!</p><p>IF YOU DO NOT FEEL COMFORTABLE WITH THE FOLLOWING WARNINGS PLEASE SKIP THIS CHAPTER. I MADE THIS CHAPTER SKIPPABLE FOR A REASON. </p><p>WARNINGS: Graphic Descriptions of Self-Harm, A lot of Blood Warning, SUICIDE ATTEMPT AND GRAPHIC DESCRIPTIONS OF IT. </p><p>This chapter is skippable for a reason, please do not read it if you do not feel comfortable with it. <br/>Read at your own risk. </p><p>AS FOR THE CLIFFHANGER!!!<br/>I am posting another chapter tomorrow, and to reassure you guys, SPOILER ALERT, Marinette survives. <br/>Yes it's Marinette. </p><p>Please be careful when reading this chapter, and I am making it literally impossible for you to miss the warnings. I will put in BOLD and ALL CAPS Right before the scene and right before the graphic descriptions. </p><p>AGAIN if you read this chapter, I AM NOT AT FAULT. I have WARNINGS and you're reading at YOUR OWN RISK. </p><p>But again, please be careful with this chapter, and good luck if you are reading it. </p><p>~happt.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chapter 28: Skywalker</p><p> </p><p>Turning thirteen definitely had its perks. He was a teenager now, he had social media now that his parents allowed it, he was able to actually connect to the outside world. He got new presents; a new video game about zombies and freedom fighters and more zombies, some cool action figures, and, to his mom’s insistence, new socks, because apparently, he needed some. He was growing for sure; he’s grown at least a few inches in the last month, and he was slowly out growing his mom, which felt awesome and his dad… well, he’ll get there.</p><p>What wasn’t awesome was the awful fight that broke outside of his room, the echoing of their voices signifying it most likely took place in the front room. He could hear their voices over the video that played on his screen about the best ways to play this new game he got. He paused it, listening carefully, and immediately recognized his mom’s frustrated, annoyed voice and his dad’s angry, loud voice.</p><p>He was rarely ever loud; he only yelled when he was really ticked off, and he guessed tonight was one of those nights.</p><p>Which sucked, because Adrien was the one turning thirteen today.</p><p>He had tucked himself into the corner of his room, the one farthest from his doorway so he could block out the yelling. He had his back pressed against the wall with his left shoulder against the cold window while he stared outside into the dark night, the moon filtering blue beams over the city.</p><p>He wished with everything he had he could just leave his room, sneak out, and jump across those rooftops that were so close together. He could jump them even without his imaginary superpowers, which he longed for.</p><p>Longed to do something other than sit in this cold room and listen to his parent’s fight all day.</p><p>It was maybe twenty minutes after the yelling had ceased when his door opened, light from the hallway pouring in as the door swung open.</p><p>“Adrien?” Emilie said, stepping into the room and looking around. “Adrien, you in here?”</p><p>He glanced at her figure over the couch blocking most of her body before pulling his knees to his chest and looking out the window. “Over here,” he croaked.</p><p>Emilie’s gaze flicked over to him in the corner, and she gave him a smile he didn’t see as she closed the door and walked to him.</p><p>“Hey there, Skywalker,” she said, sitting in front of him and tucking her knees underneath her.</p><p>Adrien scoffed, “You haven’t called me that since I was like seven.”</p><p>Emilie let out a low chuckle, “I say it whenever I know you’re upset, love,” she said, reaching out and touching his cheek gently before pulling his gaze towards hers. “What’s wrong, sky-guy?”</p><p>Adrien softened at her gentleness while looking at her. His mother was the most beautiful person he knew, with long blond hair like his that fell to her lower back. She didn’t have a hint of old age in her features, not one grey hair even as she slowly started getting older and weaker. Her face was so smooth without makeup and she barely had any wrinkles anywhere. Her eyes always seemed to have a glint to them, like she was always hiding a surprise or something up her sleeve. And she had delicate skin that seemed as strong as steel even despite all the needles she’s poked herself with while sewing.</p><p>She retracted her hand from his face and watched him with a small smile of understanding, waiting patiently for him to continue.</p><p>Adrien hesitated before looking away and outside the window, watching the night go on without him.</p><p>“I don’t like it when you guys fight,” he said, almost guiltily.</p><p>Emilie stilled in front of him before she studied him with attentiveness, pursing her lips as her eyes gained a guilty look in them. “You heard that, huh?”</p><p>Adrien paused before nodding, then looking at the floor in front of him.</p><p>Emilie sighed after what seemed like hours before scooting closer to him. “You know,” she said, pressing her back to the wall and situating herself next to him. “I don’t like it when you two fight either.”</p><p>Adrien rolled his eyes and grimaced, “It’s cause he’s a jackass.”</p><p>Emilie surprisingly burst out laughing, catching Adrien off guard enough as he looked next to him at his mother. As he watched her laugh after the harsh fight he heard downstairs, his heart slowly softened at the beautiful noise.</p><p>“Well,” she said, still getting over her laughing fit while wiping a tear of mirth from her eye. “I think I know that better than you, honey,” she said, looking at him and smiling. “I didn’t marry him for his warmth, that’s for sure.”</p><p>“Then why did you?” he asked, actually curious. He didn’t mean for it to sound as distasteful as it was.</p><p>She looked at him and smiled fondly, “If I hadn’t you wouldn’t be here, little Skywalker.”</p><p>He scoffed, oddly fond of the nickname as he looked outside again. “Yeah, but,” he looked back at her with real confusion. “Why him?”</p><p>For a moment, Emilie just stared at his son in wonder. Images and memories with so many emotions seemed to appear behind those eyes, and they all looked both heartbreaking and completely joyful. He wanted that for a moment, watching her tell him without any words what it feels like, how painfully amazing it is.</p><p>Falling in love, she means.</p><p>“You know I used to call your father Anakin?” she said suddenly into the silence.</p><p>Adrien unexpectedly laughed, not taking it seriously. “Really?”</p><p>“Oh, yeah,” she said, laughing lightly herself as she shifted. “I don’t anymore, because well, he changed.” She looked up at her son and smiled at him lightly. “Your father, no matter how much he pushes and frustrates me, in the end he tries everything he can to make it up to me.” She smirked at him, “You two are very similar.”</p><p>Adrien laughed dryly, “Funny,” he said, before staring at her widening smirk and realized she was serious. “Wait, you’re serious?”</p><p>“What? You’ve never noticed it before?” she said, laughing fondly as she spoke. “I call you Skywalker because you remind me of your father, and he reminds me of my, and I admit this, childhood crush,” she said, before looking up and sighing dramatically “What a hottie back in my day.”</p><p>Adrien grimaced, “Gross, mom.”</p><p>Emilie laughed loudly. “Your father said the exact same thing, you know,” she said, looking back at her son with a loving glimmer in her eyes. “He is a lot like Anakin, willing to do anything and everything for the people he loves and cares about.” She paused as she gained a dark cloud over her eyes, glancing away. “Just… the flaw in that is that he is willing to do <em>anything </em>and <em>everything, </em>even if there’s a price.”</p><p>Adrien stared at her, opening and closing his mouth. “And me?”</p><p>She looked at him and smiled, “You, Adrien, are more like your father than you realize, but—” she reached out and ruffled his hair, making it spike all around his head and drawing a loud laugh from him. “I personally think you’re more like your mom.”</p><p>“Okay, okay,” he said, swatting her hand away before letting the joyous moment die. He turned back to her, regaining a more serious, slightly worried tone in his voice. “And… will you guys be okay? Even after your worst fight?”</p><p>Emilie smiled before reaching out to him, pushing his bangs away from his eyes and kissing his forehead. “Don’t worry, sky-guy,” she said, dropping her hand to his cheek. “We’ll have our afterglow.”</p><p>.               .               .</p><p>The room around him was similar to the one years ago. Dark, shrouded, filled with ghosts that made the place more vacant than lived in. He knew he wanted a spacey place to live in when he finally lived on his own, but the last thing he thought he would live in was a place quieter than his house.</p><p>Of course, he wasn’t alone this time. Plagg sat about a foot away from him on his bed, munching and drooling all over a wheel of camembert that should’ve made him sick an hour ago.</p><p>Adrien himself was lying on his back, wearing a white t-shirt and some grey sweatpants with his arms above his head. His chest rose up and down in a steady breathing pattern as he played, replayed, analyzed and studied the events from earlier over and over again. He hated how much it hurt in his chest when the words came back to him full force, and the hurtful pit inside his heart longed for her presence.</p><p>He was hurt, which meant he was not thinking straight.</p><p>“Do you think she’s okay?” he called to Plagg through the darkness of the room.</p><p>The kwami’s slurping noises died down momentarily as he recognized the anguish in his holder’s voice.</p><p>“I don’t know, kid,” he responded slowly.</p><p>The silence that followed meant that Plagg had put down his camembert, which meant he was also upset as well. When that happens, you know it’s serious because Plagg never gets serious about anything other than his overexaggerated hunger and demand for camembert.</p><p>“I want to go check on her,” he said, shaking his head. “But I’m scared I’m going to make it worse.”</p><p>Plagg paused for a moment before continuing. “How?”</p><p>Adrien shook his head, “She…” Images in his head screamed loudly at him and he closed his eyes to hold back his emotions. “She said she loves me.”</p><p>Plagg seemed startled, “Wait, really?”</p><p>“But…” he trailed off, covering his face as tears threatened to burst from his eyes. “But she said she hated me to.”</p><p>Plagg was silent for what seemed like years. “That must be confusing.”</p><p>“Tell me about it,” he said, groaning into his hands as he sat up, scooting to the edge of the bed and planting his feet on the floor. He dropped his head in his hands and shook his head behind them, frustration and tiredness in his voice. “I’m just… I hope she’s okay. I’m terrified for her right now.”</p><p>“Then why don’t you go see her?” Plagg questioned, his voice casual as he floated in front of him this time.</p><p>He dropped his hands and gave his kwami an incredulous look. “You heard her, Plagg, she wants nothing to do with me. She—” he shook his head and looked at the floor as his emotions overflowed his eyes. “She hates me.”</p><p>Plagg was silent for a long moment, floating there and staring at his holder in confusion, almost like he wanted to question everything he’s ever done.</p><p>“Alright,” he said, before flying down and grabbing another piece of stinky cheese and flipping it into his mouth. “I still don’t understand what’s stopping you from going to see her,” he said around a mouthful of cheese.</p><p>Adrien looked at him, confused. “I just told you why.”</p><p>“Yeah, yeah, she hates you, blah, blah, blah,” he rolled his eyes and swallowed the mouthful of cheese before turning on him with a more insisting tone. “Big deal, she hurt your feelings. Now, why stay away from her?”</p><p>He furrowed his eyebrows at his kwami, “Because she asked me to.”</p><p>“No,” Plagg countered sternly, like he was talking to a child. “No, you’re trying to please her.”</p><p>Adrien raised an eyebrow at him, “And what does that mean?”</p><p>“Just because a woman says she’s okay doesn’t mean she is,” Plagg said. “Women are backward creatures, kid, I’m surprised you haven’t learned this yet. They lie about everything, their height, their age, their weight, their feelings—”</p><p>“Don’t be rude, Plagg,” Adrien interrupted.</p><p>“I’m not being rude, I’m being factual.”</p><p>“Alright,” he said, giving him a challenging look. “And what does ‘women being backwards’ have to do with Marinette?”</p><p>Plagg stared at him, “You are literally the <em>dumbest </em>person I know. How are you alive?” he said, and before Adrien could protest, he continued. “She’s a woman, right? You’ve noticed?”</p><p>Blushing for “unknown” reasons, Adrien nodded.</p><p>“She told you to stay away,” he said, gesturing with his paws at nothing. “What do you think she was really trying to say to you?”</p><p>Adrien only stared at him.</p><p>Plagg groaned loudly, “Do you really need me to spell this out for you?”</p><p>“I <em>really </em>don’t know what you mean,” Adrien said flatly.</p><p>Plagg gave him a half-lidded look of annoyance. “Awesome,” he said flatly, before sighing heavily and continuing. “Marinette didn’t want you to leave, despite what she told you. So, next time when she tells you to leave, stay, because she’s really begging you to stay.”</p><p>Something clicked in Adrien’s head and it felt like a whip had cut across his heart when he realized what it was. It took him only seconds to realize just how much of a dumbass, insensitive little brat he was. All the signs were there, all the hints were there, and here he was sitting in his dark apartment with his foot up his ass because he didn’t see it earlier.</p><p>He was, by far, the biggest idiot he knew.</p><p>“Do you <em>still </em>need help?” Plagg asked loudly, annoyance in his tone.</p><p>“No… no, she—” he stopped and looked up at his kwami. “She wanted me to <em>stay?</em>”</p><p>“Finally!” Plagg said, exasperated, “You’re not as dumb as you look, Agreste.”</p><p>But he did feel dumb. He felt stupid and <em>livid </em>with himself from the way he acted. He was not proud of it at all, he was aggressive, and heavily insistent and yet in the end, when she hurt him with those words and left him behind, he stared after her like a broken-hearted boy as she disappeared into the night. He didn’t try and go after her, he didn’t try and go find her, he didn’t even stop by her apartment to make sure she was okay. He just went home, sobbed in the shower and laid in his bed for so long he forgot what time it was.</p><p>He didn’t even think about how she might have felt. He even saw the anguish behind those hurting eyes of hers and ignored all of it when she ran off and shouted at him to stay away. He was too focused on his own hurt that he didn’t even try to make sure she knew she wasn’t alone. Instead, he wallowed in his own loneliness and heartbreak until he was completely focused on himself and yet still worrying about her, which he didn’t think was possible.</p><p>He did nothing about it, even when he knew she was hurting.</p><p>He didn’t even think about how awful she must be feeling, especially with all that she’s been through, and all he’s said to her.</p><p>“She… she really wanted me to stay?” he questioned, looking at his kwami. “She wanted me to go after her?”</p><p>Plagg glared daggers at him, “Yes, you dumbass. She never wanted you to leave.”</p><p>He pondered this for a moment, “What… what do I do?” he asked, feeling anxiety coiling inside him. “I… I don’t know what to do. She was so panicked earlier that—” he stopped as a scary thought occurred to him, “I let her go when someone is threatening her.”</p><p>“Kid—”</p><p>“I’m so stupid.”</p><p>“Adrien!” Plagg shouted, startling the blond. “You’re not going to accomplish anything if you start panicking.”</p><p>Adrien fell silent, catching his breath as he took a few moments to steady himself.</p><p>“I-I’m sorry, I just—” he shook his head and ran his fingers through his hair. “I just… I didn’t get to tell her.”</p><p>Plagg softened at his holder’s distress. “That… that you love her?”</p><p>Adrien nodded, dropping his hands as a single tear made its way down his cheek. “She has no idea how much I love her and now… I don’t know.” He shook his head and looked down shamefully. “Now… now I feel like it’s too late.”</p><p>Plagg was silent for a long moment as the entire apartment became vacant of noise. Only the small sounds the blond made echoed around the walls as he cried, and the kwami actually felt bad for him as he further watched him.</p><p>He floated forward, “Word of advice, kid,” he said, tilting his head until he caught Adrien’s gaze. “It’s never too late.”</p><p>They were both silent for a long time as they took that in, Adrien trying to slow his crying, but it was no use. He felt so pathetic in that moment, but he honestly couldn’t care; his kwami has seen worse. He felt so guilty and anxious and so heart-wrenching worried for Marinette, the girl that does everything for anyone except herself. She had no idea how much she was loved by him and others and how much she was wrong about herself. She deserved the world and more, and he hated the idea of her not knowing that while she cried in the dark, alone once again.</p><p>“What do I do now?” he asked quietly, once he could speak.</p><p>Plagg sighed, but sounded less annoyed then earlier, which relaxed him a little bit. “Well, you have two options, you can either sit here and continue moping by yourself or you can finally go after her.” He shrugged, “Your choice, I don’t—” he stopped, pressing his nonexistent eyebrows together as a look of confusion rippled across his expression.</p><p>“Plagg?” Adrien called, curious as to why his kwami suddenly looked startled. “What’s wrong? You okay?”</p><p>“It’s so—” Plagg suddenly turned frustrated and made a loud, whining noise that he’s never made before in his entire infinite lifetime. “I’ve literally eaten so much cheese since we’ve gotten back, and I <em>still</em> fell so… <em>empty.”</em> He huffed angerly as he flew around in circles, continuing, “I don’t think…” he took a breath, “I don’t think I’m hungry, I just fell like… something’s <em>missing.</em>”</p><p>Adrien furrowed his eyebrows, “What do you mean?” he questioned, standing from his bed. “What’s up?”</p><p>Plagg growled at him, “That’s what I’m trying to figure out, <em>kid.</em>”</p><p>“Okay, jeez,” he said, raising his hands in surrender. “You don’t need to snap at me, Plagg.”</p><p>“Well, you don’t need to—” he suddenly stopped, and Adrien literally watched as all the fight drained out of his little friend’s face.</p><p>“Plagg?” Adrien called quietly, more concerned now. “What’s wrong?”</p><p>His ears suddenly drooped and his eyes widened in fear, “It’s Tikki.”</p><p>Adrien felt the anxiety in his chest rise exponentially. “What? What about her? Is she okay?”</p><p>Plagg looked down, “I… I don’t know,” he said, before meeting his gaze. “She’s not active anymore.”</p><p>Adrien felt an uncomfortable thing grow inside his chest, filling up like a thin balloon about ready to pop inside him and fill him with fear. He didn’t have a good feeling about this.</p><p>“That doesn’t sound good,” he said.</p><p>“We need to go,” Plagg said, urgency in his voice. “I don’t like how I can’t feel her anymore. We need to go. <em>Now.</em>”</p><p>Adrien grew hesitant as the event from earlier came back to him. “I… I don’t—”</p><p>“It’s not always about you Adrien!” Plagg snapped at him, making the blond flinch. “Now suit up and let’s go!”</p><p>Adrien nodded in agreement, and before he knew it, he was outside on his balcony, jumping over the railing as Chat Noir, and speeding off towards Marinette’s place, with the bad feeling continuing to grow inside his chest.</p><p>.               .               .</p><p>
  <strong>THIS IS THE SCENE.</strong>
</p><p>Chat Noir rolled onto the rooftop of Marinette’s apartment complex before he quickly scaled the side until he came to her room. He peeked inside and noticed how the window was fully open, most likely left open from her getting in as Ladybug earlier if that’s how she got in.</p><p>He quickly crawled inside and left the window open, not bothering about it since he was here before he looked around the darkened room. The vacancy was very evident in the living space, only echoes and ghosts seemed to linger in this room before leaving because of the heavy feel to it.</p><p>Something must’ve happened here, something that made even the haunted, vengeful ghosts leave.</p><p>“Plagg, claws in,” Chat said, before his transformation dropped, leaving behind a worried Adrien and a concerned, frantic Plagg as he sped off to look for his other half.</p><p>Adrien crossed the room and turned down the hallway, coming to her bedroom and opening the door to only find a cold bed and no Marinette. He closed the door slower this time, as if expecting her to jump from the darkness and assure him that she was alright.</p><p>He turned from her bedroom to walk back down the hallway, but before he entered back into the living space of her apartment, he stopped abruptly outside her bathroom door. It was closed, but the light was on underneath the door, so he suspected she was in there.</p><p>He rapped lightly on the door, “Marinette? You in there?” he called, just before Plagg flew up to him with an alarmed look in his eyes.</p><p>“I don’t see her or Tikki anywhere,” he said, his voice panicked. “Something’s wrong.”</p><p>“Yeah, I don’t like how I feel about this either,” he said, turning back to the door and knocking again. “I think she’s in here. Marinette? Can you hear me?”</p><p>There was no answer.</p><p>He suddenly worried that she was having a blackout as he reached down for the doorknob, but was surprised when it wouldn’t twist, which meant she had locked it.</p><p>“Marinette?” he called louder, jiggling the knob some more. “Hey, can you hear me? It’s Adrien.”</p><p>Still, nothing.</p><p>“I don’t like this,” he said, again trying the doorknob. “Why would she—”</p><p>“Adrien.”</p><p>He stalled, looking up at Plagg who had his back turned to him and was staring into the darkness of the kitchen. At first, he couldn’t see anything, but when he squinted his eyes and looked harder, he saw them. The pair of earrings that was sitting on the counter, plain and simple earrings, that didn’t look like hers or that looked active at all.</p><p>A wave of fear and confusion filled Adrien’s chest. “That’s—”</p><p>“Her miraculous,” Plagg finished with panic in his voice, before he turned around and flew through the door.</p><p>He appeared only a second later with wide, panicked eyes. “Break down the door now!” he shouted.</p><p>Adrien didn’t even question it from his tone as he took a few steps back, readied himself before reeling back with his foot and then slamming the bottom of his foot near the doorknob. It only flinched on impact, but the adrenaline running through his veins made the second kick even harder, which put a half hole in the door before it swung out hard and hit the back of the wall.</p><p>Wood pieces flew everywhere as it swung back at him, him reaching out and pushing it out of the way, before stepping into the bathroom.</p><p>His heart stopped.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>GRAPHIC DESCRIPTIONS WARNING!!!</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>Marinette was sitting in the bathtub across the small room, water filled almost to the top of the bathtub. She was naked and pale, so very pale as her head lulled to the side, her neck bending in a weird angle since she was unconscious.</p><p>Her arms were practically ripped open severely, one hand locked around a very bloody piece of steel. He could see the blood still flowing out of her maimed arms, tinting the water in a dangerous, dark shade of crimson.</p><p>Adrien made an unholy noise as he ran to her, immediately starting to cry but trying to stay calm as he grabbed onto one of the towels on the rack. As delicately as he could, he picked up one of her arms from the water, and it immediately started dripping heavy droplets of blood and water. He wrapped her arm tight with the towel before grabbing another one and doing the same to her other arm, which was so cut up the blood flowed heavily out of her arm and into the water.</p><p>Extremely nervous about her blood lose, he ripped off strips from his shirt before tying two pieces on the upper part of her biceps on each of her arms, hoping it did something about the blood flow. Despite the makeshift half turnicid, the towels on her arms were already started to spot with her blood, despite how heavily wrapped they were.</p><p>The water was freezing cold, so he knew he had to get her out of the water. He carefully pulled her naked, pale and limp body from the water and laid her across his lap, grabbing another larger towel before wrapping it tightly around her naked body.</p><p>He lifted her in his arms with a grunt, before he made his way out of the bathroom, trying not to run in the apartment in case he dropped her.</p><p>“Ambulance?” Plagg questioned.</p><p>He shook his head, “No time, Plagg, claws out!”</p><p>Chat Noir crawled as fast and as carefully out the window as he could, before leaping from the fire escape, running at speeds he didn’t know he could run before.</p><p>.               .               .</p><p>
  <strong>ANGST AND HEAVY CLIFFHANGER.</strong>
</p><p>Adrien burst through the doors of the hospital, being carefully not to hit Marinette’s lulled back head against the door, before he started screaming.</p><p>“HELP!” he shouted, his voice cracked and broken from the panic and run here. “HELP ME! PLEASE!”</p><p>The front part of the hospital broke out in terrified, horrified screams and shouts as nurses ran forward, pulling a gurney with them as they began talking to each other.</p><p>“I think she’s dying,” he said to the nurses as he laid her down on the gurney as gently as he could, sobbing hard and watching her face getting greyer by the second.</p><p>Once she was on the gurney, they began rolling her away, Adrien following close behind as they spat words to each other, using tools already on the rolling bed to try and stop the bleeding. One nurse fastened a real turnicid on one of her arms before they made a sharp turn into the closest operation room, which had a window.</p><p>Adrien knew he wasn’t allowed in, but he watched in horrified, terrifying anxiety and praying to any higher power out there as they started hooking her up to machines and using tools to stop her frantic bleeding. They pricked needles and IVs into her arms, wherever they could find since she was so severely cut up along her upper limbs.</p><p>Her face remained unconscious and ghostly as Adrien watched, feeling helpless as they continued hooking things up to her body, nurses continuing to turn the turnicids now on both her arms. They looked so tight and agonizing, Adrien had to hold himself back from breaking in there and demanding they stopped.</p><p>They were hurting her, and he hated that, but they were also trying to save her life.</p><p>They cut off the towel around her naked body and began pressing some kind of gel on her chest area and pressing little pads on her breasts. They then rolled a heart monitor machine near her and started to attach the chords to the machine.</p><p>Just as they turned it on, it made two solid heartbeats, before the line went flat.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>OKAY. </p><p>So, I will be posting the following chapter tomorrow. </p><p>AND YES MARINETTE SURVIVES. SHE'S GOING TO BE OKAY. </p><p>National Suicide Hotline: 1800-273-8255</p><p>And if you ever want to talk, my dms are always open on Insta and Discord. <br/>Insta: @being_happy_official<br/>Discord: @being_happy_falling </p><p>You are loved, I promise. <br/>much love, <br/>~happt</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0029"><h2>29. Selfish</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Marinette's parents find out what happened, Adrien finally has a moment away from the madness, and Marinette gets a special visitor.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Warnings: Mentioning of Suicide Attempt, Mentioning of Self-Harm, Triggered Breakdown and Panic Attack.</p><p>Hope everyone's okay after that last chapter. &lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chapter 29: Selfish</p><p> </p><p>It was hard to say exactly what he was feeling, because at the moment, it was hard to get the images out of his head. It was like he was on a ticking time bomb, but the timer only stopped and let the bomb explode when something terrible happened, or when he received relieving news. He’s received neither, and the prospect of the awful, tense and agonizing situation has got him bobbing his knee in his seat.</p><p>He couldn’t take his eyes off his hands, staring down at them in shock and horror at the sight of the red tint in them, like they’d almost been rubbed raw. But it was the foul smell and the metallic scent coming from his entire form that made him think otherwise.</p><p>He could feel the front of his shirt sticking to his chest, the blood still damp and drying into his clothes. He felt uncomfortable as the blood continued to stick to his skin like liquid glue stuck in between his fingers. He could see himself trembling from the way his hands shook against his lap, and his heart hammered painfully against his already aching ribs from the intense sprint he did. The blood that stained the front of his shirt and sweatpants was giving him a haunted house vibe as he sat there and waited so impatiently for good or bad news.</p><p>He was there for thirty minutes before his anxiety got so bad inside his restless body that he ended up standing and pacing back and forth across the lobby. The people around him were giving him <em>looks. </em>Looks that he was vaguely aware of, but almost didn’t care enough to acknowledge them. Some looked horrified, most likely from his state of dress and his abnormal shaking; not to mention the blood staining his entire front side. Some looked at him with pity, seeing his pain and worry, maybe even hoping that whoever he tried to save gets through it for <em>his </em>sake. But the most annoying ones that he was <em>very </em>aware of, didn’t even try to look at him at all. They kept their eyes off him and distracted, looking down at their phones or magazines as their awkward demeanor seemed to penetrate his stress even more.</p><p>But despite how aware he was of his surroundings and how much he hated hospitals and especially the people inside it, he was too busy worrying and anxiously waiting for the results.</p><p>While he was making maybe his hundredth lap across the room about an hour since he arrived, he stopped pacing when he heard footsteps approaching him, and he looked up.</p><p>The doctor that he saw working on Marinette earlier in the operation room before they shut the curtains on him walked up to him, holding a clipboard. Images flashed in his head as the tall man approached, pictures of the first shock failing and them just about ready to try their second shock before the curtains shut in front of him, leaving him to stare at his ragged self.</p><p>“Mr. Agreste?” the doctor questioned, stopping in front of him.</p><p>He swallowed and faced him fully, “How is she?”</p><p>The doctor took a long breath in before looking down at the clipboard he was holding, his eyes reading the lines over the sheet clipped to it.</p><p>For a moment, Adrien’s heart stopped.</p><p>“She’s stable,” he said, finally looking up at him. “She lost a lot of blood and we had to fix some internal damage and stop the bleeding before we stitched her up. The cuts were so deep she ended up hitting a vein in one of her arms, but luckily it wasn’t a big one, so it was less complicated to fix. Her heart stopped twice, but we were able to resuscitate her before she…” he trailed off and cut off his voice before he finished the sentence, maybe realizing that it was no longer important.</p><p>Adrien felt a lump forming in his throat as he tried to swallow it, but his voice was still thick and shaky as he spoke. “Her… her heart stopped?”</p><p>The doctor stared at him for a moment before nodding slowly.</p><p>Adrien had to look down to hide the panic forming in his eyes, closing them and trying to get a hold of hid unsteady, ragged breathing.</p><p>“Mr. Agreste,” the doctor said quietly.</p><p>He lifted his head to look up at the tall figure and was surprised to find the fatherly kindness he’s never had behind the doctor’s kind smile.</p><p>“She’s alive,” he said, smiling at him like he was impressed. “She’s in the recovery room right now, a breathing mask on her, the bleeding stopped, and we have a nurse constantly checking her vitals.” He tucked the clipboard under his arm to hold his hands in front of him as he continued. “If it wasn’t for you, she’d be gone right now. The turnicids and the towels you used saved her life.”</p><p>Adrien stared at him for a long moment, debating the words inside his head. He tried to hold himself together a little longer as he licked his lips to try and speak again.</p><p>“Can—can I see her?” he asked quietly.</p><p>That’s where the doctor faltered, and Adrien could only figure why. “Mr. Agreste, we’re only allowing family at this time. You can come back at visiting hours tomorrow.”</p><p>“Please?” he begged, his eyes watering. “I-I’m the one that brought her in. I—”</p><p>“I understand, but it’s against the rules to allow anyone except relatives or married in family,” he said, pausing as he studied him. “Are you married to her?”</p><p>Adrien stalled and looked down, like he was in shame. “No.”</p><p>“Then I’m sorry,” the doctor said, his tone pitiful which made it worse to hear. “You can’t see her unless her parent’s or guardian’s give permission that you can.”</p><p>He looked back and stared at him for a long time, before nodding slowly. “I understand.”</p><p>The doctor nodded carefully, giving him an apologetic look from his eyes before bringing the clipboard out from under his arm and reaching for a pen in his breast pocket of his white doctor coat.</p><p>“Can I have a name?” he questioned, clicking the pen and pausing for Adrien’s answer.</p><p>He nodded carefully, “Marinette Dupain-Cheng.”</p><p>He nodded after him, scribbling down the name on the clip board for a moment. “Alright. And her parents?”</p><p>“Sabine and Tom Dupain-Cheng,” he said, reaching up with a shaky hand and rubbing the back of his neck. “I-I have their number. I can call them.”</p><p>The doctor looked up at him, pausing his scribbling. “You sure, son?”</p><p>Adrien involuntarily flinched at the name before nodding slowly, “Yeah… they’d want to hear it from me.”</p><p>The doctor nodded as he resumed his scribbling, before clicking his pen and dropping the clipboard to his side again and replacing the pen back in his breast pocket.</p><p>“We’ll wait here for them, I’ll have a nurse standing by her bed until they get here,” the doctor said.</p><p>Adrien nodded, before dropping his own arm back to his side again. “Thank you,” he said quietly, avoiding the doctor’s gaze.</p><p>He nodded one last time before turning and walking away, his lab coat floating behind him as he walked down the hallway once again.</p><p>Adrien took a moment to steady himself, closing his eyes and letting his shoulders relax from their tense state. His exhale of breath was shaky but relaxing as he took a few more breaths before opening his eyes and rolling his head around. His muscles were stiff from how tense they were, and he tried his very best not fall over as he made his way over to a vacant seat across the room.</p><p>He sat down and rubbed his hands up and down his face, staying there behind the safety of his hands to take another shattering breath to calm himself. With trembling hands, he fished out his phone from his pocket and leaned forward on his elbows as he opened it.</p><p>He scrolled through the contacts before he found Sabine’s cell phone number and he momentarily paused while looking at it for a moment. He knew it was late right now, but he knew she’d pick up even then, he didn’t know why or how, but he somehow knew.</p><p>He pressed the call button and put the phone to his ear, listening to it ring a few times before a soft click was heard, and Sabine’s gentle, slightly worried voice filled his ears.</p><p><em>“Adrien? What’s wrong?”</em> she asked, her tone slightly warbled over the speaker.</p><p>He took a moment to clear his throat before speaking lowly into the speaker. “You and Tom should come to the hospital,” he said, looking down at his shoes. “It’s… it’s Marinette.”</p><p><em>“Tom,”</em> Sabine said, before some shuffling around was heard and then the noise stilled and Tom’s voice spoke gruffly into the phone.</p><p><em>“What happened?” </em>he asked, his worried voice already implying he had some idea of what could be going on.</p><p>Adrien pressed his lips together to try and force the tears back, but one rogue tear slowly fell down his face as he spoke again with clear words.</p><p>“She tried to kill herself.”</p><p>.               .               .</p><p>Adrien looked up as the doors slid open for the fourth time since he was on the phone with Marinette’s parents. Those two people finally did briskly walk through the sliding doors, stopping just before the lobby and looking around until they spotted him and walked to him.</p><p>Sabine had obviously been crying, while Tom had a hard look in his face that looked similar to Adrien’s face when he was trying to mask his emotions, trying to hold it all back so that he could focus on the task at hand.</p><p>He stood to meet them on weary legs as the two walked towards the blond. As they approached, they both suddenly stopped and stared wide eyed as his front.</p><p>Adrien realized what they were staring at and looked down at himself as well, noticing again the harsh crimson color plastered all over his shirt, pants, and arms.</p><p>“Is… is that—” it was Tom that attempted to speak, but he stopped when he was unable to finish his sentence and just pointed at him.</p><p>Adrien swallowed thickly, “I… I was the one th-that found her.”</p><p>“Not only that,” said the doctor, walking up to them, no longer holding his clipboard. “He’s the one that ran through that door and got her here so that we could save her just in time.” He gave Adrien an approving nod, “We might have done the science of it, but Mr. Agreste here was the one that really saved her life.”</p><p>Adrien didn’t know how to feel about the compliments, because in all honesty he really didn’t feel like a hero. He didn’t get the adrenaline rush or the affection he felt for those he saved from akumas or anything threatening the city of Paris from saving Marinette. He only got the horrible anxious feeling that felt like he was going to go berserk if he didn’t do something about her.</p><p>He didn’t feel like a hero, especially since he felt like the one who caused this.</p><p>Tom Dupain’s movement was so sudden, Adrien thought for a second that he was going to hit him.</p><p>But what came next was also unexpected.</p><p>Tom was hugging Adrien to his chest, his tight embrace making it almost impossible to breath as he struggled for air. He maybe lost all the oxygen in his body and also cracked a few ribs when he was going to ask him to let go, but that was before he sobbed.</p><p>“Th-thank you,” he said, sobbing next his head as his shoulders started shaking. “Thank you for saving my baby girl.”</p><p>Before Adrien could even respond, the giant baker pulled away, but not before giving him a soft pat on his shoulder.</p><p>“You should go home, sweetie,” Sabine said, her motherly touch tingly against his arm as she laid a hand on it. “We’re hear now; she’ll be okay.”</p><p>A wave of panic overcame Adrien for a moment, “B-But—” he began to protest against it, instinctively looking down the hallway where she most likely was.</p><p>“She won’t be alone, son,” Tom said. “We’ve got her for the time being. You can come back tomorrow.”</p><p>“You’ve taken care of her,” Sabine said, smiling up at him through her falling tears. “Now go take care of yourself, honey.”</p><p>Adrien looked back and forth between them, confusion rippling through his body like the tides on the beach rising. It was like the parents that weren’t even his could see right through him better than his own parents have done in the past. He was honestly tired, scared and just wanted this day to end and live in his dreams for a while, despite how selfish he felt about leaving her here alone.</p><p>But she wasn’t alone. She had a team of nurses and a kind doctor working to keep her stable and alive, and her loving, gentle parents were most likely going to be by her side twenty-four seven until she wakes up. Adrien had gotten her here just in time before she could have died in his arms or in the bathtub.</p><p>She was alive, maybe not okay, but she was alive right now. And right now, with how exhausted and terrified he was in this situation, her being alive was enough for right now.</p><p>He slowly nodded, “Okay,” he said, before opening his mouth to speak again, but Tom beat him to it.</p><p>“We’ll call when she wakes up,” he said, before taking his wife’s hand and turning to the doctor that was still standing there. “Where is she?”</p><p>The doctor nodded behind him, “This way,” he said, before turning and walking down the hallway once again, Marinette’s parents following him close behind.</p><p>Adrien stared after them for a long minute, uncertain of what to do now that the weight of her life was no longer on his shoulders.</p><p>He didn’t want to feel relieved from it, but he did anyway.</p><p>And it felt guilty, but good.</p><p>.               .               .</p><p>Chat Noir dropped on the large balcony, his shaky legs making it hard to stand up as he leaned against the railing to try and keep himself from fainting.</p><p>“Claws in,” he whispered, before the rush of power left his body.</p><p>Plagg floated there in the air for a second, watching his distraught holder for a long time before he finally spoke.</p><p>“Kid,” he said, his voice soft, which he only did during tender situations. He floated lower to catch Adrien’s lowered emerald eyes that were pointing at the ground. Once he met them, he continued, “You should clean up. You don’t want that stuff on you any longer.”</p><p>Adrien knew he was right, and he nodded numbly before pushing off his balcony railing and walking shakily towards the door. The sliding glass door slipped open and he was welcomed by the familiar scent of home, and the familiarity was nice to have as he pushed the door shut again.</p><p>Silence filled the room, and he suddenly felt like he was buried in mud.</p><p>The suffocation in his lungs was very subtle, but the panic was there and starting to build. He could feel his younger self from only an hour prior just sitting in this room, doing nothing but complaining while she was just… while she used… while she was alone.</p><p>Before he let the panic overwhelm him, he walked towards the bathroom, mumbling to Plagg about privacy before he opened the door to the large bathroom. The black marble tiles on the floor and around the dark tiled bathroom always made him feel warm. He liked dark colors, specifically because they reminded him of his alter ego and made him feel safe.</p><p>But depending how scared and panicked he was getting by the moment, he knew he was slowly losing his sanity and his sense of security. He hated the feeling of losing his security, because it reminded him of how he lost his mother back when he was young, and then he lost his mother a second time while at the same time losing his father.</p><p>He didn’t know why everything that had gone wrong in his life was piling up and he felt selfish for the painful sob he let rip across his chest into the dark bathroom but it did and he couldn’t take it back. The feeling of panic he was feeling burying inside his chest was just so similar to the one he felt years ago.</p><p>But it was the relief that filled his chest when he reminded himself that she was alive, that she survived, and the relief finally set in.</p><p>But he only cried harder. His thoughts felt so horribly heavy that he sank to the ground and pressed his back against his cupboards, sobbing horribly into his hands as tears fell down his face. They rolled under his jaw and down his throat, past his hands and down the insides of his wrists, like they were cutting lines across his skin.</p><p>He was suddenly terrified they were cutting him open and he flinched away from his hands, looking down at his arms to look for cuts and blood. He did find blood, but there were no cuts or blood of his own.</p><p>Feeling disgusted by the blood on his body, he suddenly stood up and quickly ripped off all his clothing, throwing it away in the trash as he sobbed harder when he saw that the blood had bleed through his shirt and onto his skin.</p><p>He turned the shower on and waited until it was warm, before stepping into it and immediately felt like the toxins were leaving his body. He felt relief settle over his shaky bones as he whimpered in the echoey bathroom, before covering his face and beginning to cry again.</p><p>Only this time, this was not fear or anxiety or terror even, but rather the sigh of relief that passed his lips was shaky from his exhausted state, distraught mentality, and most of all, his horrible cries that sounded agonizing to anyone else.</p><p>But really, they were his cries of relief.</p><p>.               .               .</p><p>She never knew pain like this, pain like the knife stabbing hot blade inside her stomach, pain like the blood gurgling in her veins and bursting as they exploded from the pressure. Pain like the numbing ice against her skin as she got more and more frosty, icicles attaching to her paper thing skin. She felt so fragile, in the way where she felt like breaking was easy and breaking is what she deserved, breaking is what she was destined to do.</p><p>She couldn’t feel anything in her body except the roaring agony in her arms, the numbing pit of anxiety inside the pit of her stomach, and the horrible ache in her heart. She felt like she was freezing cold outside in a snowstorm but also so hot that she was burning up with a fever.</p><p>The fetal position was agony as well, the cold ground biting into her sides and making her feel like needles were being pricked and shoved inside her body. Her chest felt so heavy, like it was tired of breathing, and her lungs ached for more air, but her body forced her to take shallow breaths.</p><p>She felt like she was dying. She <em>wanted </em>to die. The pain was so agonizing that she just wanted it to stop, wanted it to kill her so she could rest in peace six feet under daises. Poison was coursing through her veins as it spread throughout her body stiffening her up and making it agonizing to move and to be still.</p><p>She couldn’t keep this up forever, she needed to stop. She needed it to all stop. It was too much, the agony, the pain, the disaster was so… so… much.</p><p>When her eyes finally did open, they were crusty from tears, and the place around her was unrecognizable to any part of the human world.</p><p>The big empty around her was void. No colors, no light, no dark, just empty. It was like a giant black box around her that seemed endless, entrapping her from anything outside the box. She couldn’t see herself, even though the surface around her seemed reflective, and she could see herself, yet it was completely sealed off from any fixture of light.</p><p>She was still in agonizing pain as she pushed herself from the floor, feeling like her bones were cracking inside her as she whimpered and cried out in agony. But she stood, not wanting to lay on her side all her life inside this giant empty void that seemed to be filled with invisible echoes. The echoes cried out to her, little whispers from the dark like spirits from the other world, but rather than other figures that had no relation to her, she heard familiar words. She heard voices, voices that reminded her of her past, she heard laughing and a rumbling voice that slowly got louder and louder.</p><p>
  <em>“Here, Marinette, now take the eggs and crack them on the edge.” </em>
</p><p>She turned slowly as her side throbbed in pain from the action, and she saw an image start flouting inside a little cloud before her, like a TV playing behind a fog.</p><p>
  <em>“Good, good, now slowly open them up from the middle—that’s it, you’re doing great! Now do the next one!” </em>
</p><p>She recognized the memory quickly as she watched her seven-year-old self-crack a second, third and fourth egg into an unknown substance in a large bowl. She watched her father beam at her proudly before reaching to the side and grabbing a spatula and he started rhythmically stirring the mix.</p><p><em>“Now, when you stir a batter, you want to do it slowly and steadily at first, to mix the batter up as best you can while slowly adding more ingredients,” </em>her father said, a smile on his younger face as he watched his little daughter jump up and down excitably.</p><p>She didn’t recognize the joyful glee on her younger self’s face, only recognizing the two pigtails on the back of her head that barely held any of her dark hair. Her face was babyish, and she had a lot of baby fat still on her arms and her face, her legs—everywhere.</p><p><em>“I wanna try papa! I wanna try!” </em>her high-pitched squeal warbled as she jumped up and down again, and her father couldn’t help but smile down at her.</p><p><em>“Alright dear, then I need you to promise me something, okay?” </em>her father said, putting down the bowl and spatula as he turned fully to his little daughter.</p><p><em>“Anything papa!” </em>she squealed, jumping again.</p><p>He smiled, before getting down on one knee and looking his daughter in the eyes seriously. <em>“Promise me you’ll be more careful crossing the street from now on, okay? You almost got hit by that car.” </em></p><p>His daughter nodded confidently, before lunging at her father, promising exactly what he’s asked her for, both of them laughing giddily as they turned back to the waiting batter.</p><p>But then the image faded, and a new one appeared to her right and she immediately turned to it, watching wide eyed as her mother and her came into view. Her younger self looked maybe twelve at this time, and she was sitting on her chaise in her old room back when she was living at the bakery. Her head was in one hand, not watching as her mother seemed to be wrapping her hand with a cloth.</p><p><em>“I know you’re excited to finish your first shirt, Marinette, but you need to be more careful with that new sewing machine.” </em>Her mother shook her head as she finished up the wrap on her daughter’s hand before turning to her. <em>“You almost lost your hand! That machine could’ve eaten your entire arm off!” </em></p><p><em>“I’m fine, mom, plus, I doubt a beginner’s sewing machine could eat anyone’s arm off,” </em>her younger self said, waving off her mom. <em>“I’ll stay away from the moving needle next time, okay?” </em></p><p>Her mother hesitated, watching her daughter in concern and slight worry. <em>“Promise me you’ll be more careful while sewing, darling, I’d hate to take you to the hospital with a needle straight through your hand.” </em></p><p>Her twelve-year-old self laughed before hugging her mom. <em>“Thanks mom, I will, promise.” </em></p><p>She watched as the image froze before slowly fading away from her sight, disappearing within the fog around her. She instinctively turned more to the right and was not surprised when an image started forming, only this one, was a lot more different from the others.</p><p><em>“Pound it?” </em>maybe sixteen-year-old Ladybug said, holding up her fist confidently to her partner that was standing beside her.</p><p>The hurt behind Chat Noir’s eyes were evident. He was scared, but the relief in his eyes was clear as he shook his head harshly and rushed her, wrapping his arms around her tightly and pulling her into a huge embrace, squeezing her against his chest.</p><p>Her heart warmed at the sight. She remembered that hug, she remembered how surprised and good it felt to be held by him, how strong and steady his arms were around her. She remembered wanting him to hold her longer as he pulled away, almost pulling him back in for more before he spoke.</p><p><em>“What were you thinking?!” </em>he cried, his voice shrill and slightly panicked as he grabbed her shoulders and lightly shook her. <em>“You could’ve gotten hurt!” </em></p><p>Her past self-widened her eyes as she stared up at Chat Noir of the past. He never raised his voice at her, he never questioned her, and he never looked so crazy for the two long years she’s known him. She was a little scared from his sudden change in demeanor before he started talking again.</p><p><em>“You need to be more careful! The akuma almost got you and I don’t know what I would do if—” </em>he stopped, looking down at Ladybug as she stared at him, her eyes looking up through her lashes.</p><p>His face softened as he reached out to her again, his growth spurts taking advantage as he rested his chin atop her head, wrapping his arms around her shoulders and swaying them from side to side.</p><p><em>“I don’t know what I’d do without you,” </em>he said softly, squeezing her tighter to him as he released a shaky breath. <em>“Promise me that you’ll be more careful, okay?” </em></p><p>She remembered that moment, she remembered how she buried her face further into his chest, wrapping her arms around his middle and pulling him closer. She remembered how warm and comforting it was to be in his embrace that felt so protective and beautiful.</p><p>She remembered that’s when she started falling for him for real. Right there.</p><p><em>“Okay,” </em>her younger self said softly against him, before hugging him tighter.</p><p>Then the image froze, and slowly disappeared from sight.</p><p>She turned to the side and waited for the wall of images to appear again, but nothing appeared, and she found herself once again, in the void with nothing but the white noise for company.</p><p>“Hello?” she called softly and was surprised when her voice continued on in the dark, not echoing, not coming back to her, but just continuously disappearing into the empty. “Hello?!” she called louder and listened again as it continued one without her.</p><p>“Hello.”</p><p>She turned quickly around, the action causing a shock of pain to pulse up her spine and she cried out and stumbled, falling over and landing hard on her butt.  </p><p>“Careful,” said a voice.</p><p>Marinette looked up and froze at the figure in front of her.</p><p>“You could hurt yourself,” Adrien said, smiling softly at her.</p><p>She stared at him for a long time, caught between shock and relief as he stepped forward and offered her a hand up. She hesitantly took it, his skin real and soft as he gently tugged her back to her feet, helping her steady herself once she was upright again.</p><p>“Feeling better?” Adrien asked, letting go of her once she could stand by herself.</p><p>“H-How—you—” she started, but she couldn’t finish.</p><p>“I’m not whoever you see me as,” he said, before he shoved his hands in his jeans pocket, his classic outfit of his black striped shirt, white overshirt and blue jeans looking his size despite the fact that he outgrew it years ago. “I may look like them, but I am not them.”</p><p>She stared at him, her eyes watering from the sight. “Then… then who are you?” she questioned.</p><p>He smiled at her, soft and loving, like how the real Adrien was. “I’m your subconscious, Marinette,” he said, studying her carefully. “And I’m here to talk to you about something.”</p><p>Marinette stared at him, “B-But—” he held up his hand to stop her.</p><p>“I’ll answer all your questions, Marinette,” he said, before returning his hand to his pocket. “But first I need you to listen to me.”</p><p>She studied him carefully, swallowing thickly as she carefully wrapped her arms around herself, watching him with hesitance. “… okay.”</p><p>He nodded, “Alright,” he looked around the void for a second, before returning his gaze back to her. “You saw the images I sent you?”</p><p>She nodded, “They were… memories?”</p><p>“Yes,” he said, nodding at her. “I showed you very specific ones from when you were growing up.” He studied her for a moment, his eyes careful. “What did you notice about them?”</p><p>Marinette swallowed thickly. “My mom, dad, Chat Noir, all the people that—” she stopped, looking down as she realized herself.</p><p>“All the people that love you the most,” he finished for her. “Good, good, what else?”</p><p>“I made a promise,” she said, her eyes watering and her throat tightening from emotion. She swallowed thickly to get rid of the lump forming in her throat. “I made a promise to… to be more careful...”</p><p>“With?” he pushed her for a further answer.</p><p>She looked down shamefully. “With myself.”</p><p>Adrien nodded carefully, “And did you keep that promise?”</p><p>Her face contorted as emotions rolled into her heart and she covered her face as she felt the guilt once again crush her.</p><p>“No,” she said, sobbing into her hands. “No, I broke the promise.”</p><p>“You did,” Adrien confirmed, watching her as she cried.</p><p>“But it hurts!” she suddenly burst out; her face streaming tears as she faced the one accusing her of just ‘dealing’ with the unimaginable pain she is in. “It <em>hurts so bad </em>to just live like this every day! To constantly have to fight with myself about whether to keep living on or not! I <em>had </em>to do it! I killed people and I deserved to <em>die! Everyone</em> would be so much better off without me!”</p><p>Adrien stared at her for a long moment, his face emotionless yet had emotion and light sympathy emanating off him. She hated how silent he was being, and she hated that it wasn’t the real Adrien in front of her. She was again, arguing with herself about living or not, and the human part of her wanted to give up, wanted to let herself breathe her last breath and float away to into the sky and never return to this bleeding life she was leading so far.</p><p>“Pain is painful,” he said, once she was done shouting at him. He shifted on his feet as he continued, “But that doesn’t mean suicide is the answer to end all that pain.”</p><p>Marinette stared at him, baffled. “Then… how do I end it?”</p><p>He smiled at her, a soft, gentle smile that reminded her of the real Adrien outside, most likely waiting for her to wake up.</p><p>“Love,” he said simply, still smiling at her. “Love beats pain, Marinette, because it’s the only thing that honestly keeps you sad, broken humans alive. There is always someone that loves you, no matter what, whether it’s your closest family or friend, or a stranger in the street you pass by who notices how distraught you look, someone loves you.”</p><p>“I have people that love me,” she argued. “And yet I still feel all this pain.”</p><p>“That’s because you won’t tell anyone you’re in pain,” he said, countering her argument. “Pain sucks, Marinette, but as humans you have to deal with it because once you’re gone, you’re gone. There is no taking it back. Suicide is never the answer because it is a permanent fix to a temporary problem that will go away with time.”</p><p>She tapped the side of her thigh with her fingertips, studying him carefully. “Did… did I do something wrong?”</p><p>“No one will tell you but me,” he said, giving her a knowing look before nodding at her. “Yes, you did do something wrong, Marinette. Suicide is one of the most selfish, cowardly and hateful acts anyone can commit. Those who have ever had to deal with someone’s suicide know: The emotional devastation for those left behind is unbelievable. Suicide doesn’t solve problems. It dumps them on someone else, multiplied many times over. Don’t believe the lie that, ‘everyone will be better off without me.’ They won’t. You’ll just cause overwhelming pain and heartbreak.”</p><p>Marinette stared at him for a long time, before dropping her chin to her chest, staring down at the floor as a million things went through her head.</p><p>“Be ashamed,” he said, making her look back up at him as he stared at her with serious eyes. “Because that shame, will keep you from doing it again.”</p><p>She stared into his eyes, him also holding her gaze for however long she needed it as her mind worked through the new information.</p><p>“Why do you look like him?” she asked, studying his perfect, angelic face.</p><p>He smiled at her, “Because in your subconscious, he is the only person you would listen to about this.” He laughed lightly, his grin widening so far that it almost looked like Chat Noir’s crooked grin. “And… sometimes, we don’t know what’s best for ourselves, and we need a little more push from someone we trust.”</p><p>She nodded before glancing down for a moment before looking back up at him, a decision in her eyes.</p><p>“I wanna live,” she said, her voice cracking. “How… how do I get back?”</p><p>He smiled at her, a proud smile. “You just need to let go, Marinette.”</p><p>She stepped forward, “Of what?”</p><p>He smiled, “Everything.”</p><p>She stared at him, shifting shakily on her feet, “Will—will you stay with me?”</p><p>He smiled, “I’ll always be in the back of your mind, whispering my encouragement.”</p><p>“And…” she swallowed, taking another step closer. “And… Adrien?”</p><p>“He’ll be right there when you wake up,” he said, smiling down at her. “I promise.”</p><p>She swallowed thickly. “How do I get out?”</p><p>“You need to wake up,” he said softly.</p><p>“How?”</p><p>He shook his head, “Just wake up, Marinette.”</p><p>“How?”</p><p>“Wake up, Marinette.”</p><p>
  <em>But… but how? </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Wake up, you’re okay. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Just wake up. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Everything’s going to be okay. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Everything’s going to be fine.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>You’re going to be okay. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>It’s okay, <strong>My Lady, </strong>I’ve got you. </em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>"Suicide is one of the most selfish, cowardly and hateful acts anyone can commit. Those who have ever had to deal with someone’s suicide know: The emotional devastation for those left behind is unbelievable. Suicide doesn’t solve problems. It dumps them on someone else, multiplied many times over. Don’t believe the lie that, ‘everyone will be better off without me.’ They won’t. You’ll just cause overwhelming pain and heartbreak" (New Living Translation Study Bible: Ultimate Issues: Suicide. Page 817). All rights reserved. </p><p>National Suicide Hotline: 1800-273-8255</p><p>Insta: being_happy_official<br/>Discord: being_happy_falling<br/>dm me if you ever wanna talk &lt;3</p><p>Much love, <br/>happt &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0030"><h2>30. Storm</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Marinette wakes up finally and finds Adrien waiting there beside her, but it's not a happy reunion yet. Adrien has a conversation with Nino and Alya over the phone, and reveals some dreadful news.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Warnings: Mentioning and Flashbacks of Suicide Attempt, Want and Mentioning of Self-Harm, Harsh Language and Profanity, Usage of Drugs by Medical Professionals (I am no doctor, so I don't Know if my Descriptions are accurate.)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chapter 30: Storm</p><p> </p><p>Marinette has been drunk once and it was an occasion she intended never to repeat again. Back when she was nineteen and a little too depressed one day, she ended up agreeing to go out with her friends, Claire and Chanel, to some party to get to know her fellow peers.</p><p>From the moment she arrived, she immediately knew this wasn’t her crowd, and it most certainly wasn’t somewhere her past self would approve of. But after a huge fight with her parents, just meeting Claire and Chanel, and maybe a little desperate for some friends, was the real reason she ended up walking through that door.</p><p>The hosts were rich, with both money and pride, and the intoxicating smell of the place meant they <em>really </em>liked their beer as well. It was crowded to the very brim with teenagers to young adults inside these white walls made of marble. The loud music made her ribs rattle inside her chest and the floor jumped every time someone on the dance floor decided to throw a fit, or a punch.</p><p>Right when she walked in, she was offered a red solo cup with some strange clear liquid inside it, and she mostly took it out of politeness and didn’t intend to drink it. But when she attempted conversating with this really hot guy behind the bar, she ended up taking a drink to fill the awkwardness between them.</p><p>She didn’t get the guy’s number. But she ended up remembering only flashing lights and shouts, and Claire and Chanel spilling her into a cab about an hour later. The next clear memory she had was just manifesting inside her bathroom as she spilled her guts into the toilet, Claire and Chanel holding her hair back and scratching her back as she dispersed everything past everything.</p><p>That was the first time she, Claire and Chanel actually bonded that night, and she opened up to them that she struggles with her mental health sometimes, and the fight with her parents about exactly that, didn’t help one bit.</p><p>The next morning was filled with black coffee, Advil, heating pads and ice packs, and a whole lot of sleeping. But it was one of the best days of her life, because Claire and Chanel stayed the night and helped her through her first hangover. It was the first time in over a year where she finally felt like she had friends.</p><p>Although, waking up now, was worse than her first and last hangover.</p><p>The darkness shrouding her vision slowly turned into the red tint you see through skin when light was shining through it. The pounding headache didn’t encourage her to open her eyes to her inevitably blinding room filled with sunlight. The ache in her bones and arms didn’t feel nice either, and she almost ignored the wakefulness slowly returning to her body and pass out once again.</p><p>But the strange constant beeping was what annoyed her, and she assumed it was her alarm going off way too early again. She reached out to it with one arm, trying to find the snooze button and shut the damn thing off so she could sleep again.</p><p>What she found made her slowly open her eyes as her fingertips grazed over the TV like structure, and she finally fluttered them open to see a green line going across it, occasionally jumping at the same time the beep when off.</p><p>She looked with light shining in her eyes painfully around the white room unfamiliar to her, finding the bed sheets on her unfamiliar, the bed with rails unfamiliar and the countless things stuck inside her arms, which were wrapped heavily in bandages.</p><p>Her neck suddenly stiffened up and she groaned quietly at the tense muscle, dropping her head back to the pillow that was also unfamiliar.</p><p>“Mari?”</p><p>She flinched and opened her eyes, surprised by the voice as she looked up to her astonishment at who was sitting in the chair to her right, staring at her.</p><p>“Hey,” Adrien said, standing up to his full height and carefully walking to her. “You’re awake,” he said, reaching out and stroking her hair gently.</p><p>She licked her cracked lips and swallowed down her dry throat. “Adrien…?” she croaked, her voice sounding rusty from the lack of water.</p><p>“Yeah, yeah, it’s me,” he said quietly, pushing more strands from her face as she slowly came out of her stupor. He studied her face for a moment, “How do you feel?”</p><p>She swallowed thickly down her dry throat and closed her eyes. “Sick,” she said, liking her lips again. “I feel really sick.”</p><p>“I know,” he said softly, continuing his gentle stroking of her hair. “I know, but you’re safe now, okay?”</p><p>She nodded slowly, “Wh-where am I?”</p><p>He slightly stalled his gentle stroking as he studied her face carefully, continuing with his ministrations as he looked into her eyes with care. “You’re in the hospital right now,” he said, shifting his weight. “You’ve been unconscious for three days.”</p><p>“Three days?” she whined, groaning just after. She would have shouted, but her voice sounded so fragile from the lack of liquid or food there that it prevented her from doing such a thing. She dropped her woozy head back on the pillow and closed her eyes again. “Why… why am I in the hospital?”</p><p>He stopped his stroking and stared down at her with a perplexed look. “You… you don’t remember?”</p><p>She opened her eyes and stared at him, shaking her head as she studied him. “Remember what?”</p><p>His gaze lingered on her for a long time, a wide eyed, depressed look in his eyes before he cast his eyes down to the floor, shifting uncomfortably.</p><p>“Adrien?” she called, but he wouldn’t meet her eyes. She brought her head off her pillow no matter how woozy it made her feel and stared at him urgently. “Adrien, remember what?”</p><p>He took a long time before he finally met her eyes, and when he did, he looked up through his eyelashes and held her gaze for a long time.</p><p>“Marinette,” he said, reaching out and gently taking her hand, holding her fingers carefully. “You… you…” he stared at her hand as he sighed heavily, struggling for words. Her eyes on his contorting face as he fiddled shakily with her fingers, as if trying to get a grip on himself before he finished what he was trying to say.</p><p>“You… pushed yourself too far,” he said, before meeting her eyes once more.</p><p>She was astonished with how tired he looked. His eyes looked sunken into his skull with the bags under his eyes as dark as night, as if he wasn’t sleeping. His eyes were red and raw, obviously from crying, and the anxiety emanating off him was so strong it was making his hold on her weak and shaky.</p><p>She shook her head in confusion at him. “What do you mean?”</p><p>He stared at her and looked down, stalling his fiddling with her fingers as anxiety reached his face and his warbled voice as he continued for her. “You…” he shook his head and tried looking for words this time. “Marinette, you… tried to… to…” he trailed off and met her eyes carefully, unable to finish his sentence.</p><p>But that was when she finally understood, feeling her stomach hit the floor and plummeting all the way to the pits of hell, where it was sure to burn. She could see the terrified, exhausted look in his eyes that was practically a carbon copy of Chat Noir’s gaze on her all those nights ago. When he found out everything, when he found her like that, only this look was much worse, much more tired, terrified, and desperate.</p><p>She slowly tore her gaze from his and down to her arms, which were just how she saw earlier, heavily wrapped in white bandages, only this time she could see the thin crimson lines along her forearms bleeding through the material. The hospital gown she had on also had marks of dried blood on it, like she had ended up bleeding through previous bandages and onto her gown. This explained the ache in her arms and the stiffness of her neck and body, the intense hold she had on herself as she…</p><p>Images suddenly flooded her mind in a powerful wave, the black waters suddenly attacking her out of nowhere and making panic well up like a bomb inside her. She could see herself through her future eyes, watching her past self fill the tub with cold water, gripping the steel thing in her hand tightly as she stripped and got in. She remembered the pain and the numbness of what she was doing, but not understanding what she was doing. It was like a haze, a desperation to make her emotions stop feeling, to make her head calm and to overwhelm her physical body rather than her emotions.</p><p>She didn’t intend to do anything this major… but she did at the same time.</p><p>The last thing she could even remember, was being inside an already slowly tinting bath, shaking uncontrollably from the panic and the cold soaked into her tiny body. And then, came the familiar voice calling her name softly on the other side of the door as she accidentally cut too deep. Something snapped and a course of pain shot up her arm before the panic, pain, and sheer will of living leaving her made her pass out just as a loud something smashed through the door.</p><p>“Oh my <em>God,” </em>she said, tears forming in her eyes as she covered her trembling lips with her hand.</p><p>Now that she was fully aware, she could feel the ache inside her arms, or more specifically, the individual cuts that each seemed to have its own heartbeat.</p><p>“Hey, Marinette, it’s going to be fine,” she heard Adrien say through the white noise slowly clouding her ears. He gently took her hand into hers, his voice almost soothing in her ears. “You’re okay now, you’re safe.”</p><p>Suddenly she snatched her hand violently out of his, sobbing loudly and trying to muffle her cries into her hands, avoiding his eyes even as he followed her to the other side of the bed.</p><p>“Hey, hey, Mari?” Adrien called gently, shushing her quietly as he pushed some hair from her face. “I need you to calm down, okay?”</p><p>She shook her head as her sobs shook her entire body, her rocking back and forth on her butt as she came forward, because she couldn’t sit still anymore with the panic rising inside her like a tsunami.</p><p>“<em>No, no, no, no,” </em>she mumbled to herself, bringing her arms in front of her and staring down at them as tears started streaming down her face.</p><p>“Mari, hey, hey, <em>stop,</em>” he said, trying to reach for her hands but she flinched away from him when he tried taking them into his. Instead, he reached up and around and gently stroked her back, his fingertips gently caressing her skin since the gown was basically backless. “You’re going to be okay,” he soothed.</p><p>She cried horribly as she lurched from his touch, scrabbling away from him, which made him jump back and stare at her wide eyed.</p><p>“You don’t know me!” she yelled, her cracked voice sounding horrible as it echoed out the door. “You don’t know I’m going to be okay!”</p><p>She looked down at the bandages on her arms and suddenly hated how they were there, she hated that they were hiding her from how ugly she was. How ugly her own self was and how much she didn’t belong in this world, how much she deserved to just not even exist. She wanted to see the cuts, before she tore herself open again and let herself close her eyes.</p><p>She desperately latched onto the bandages and tried to begin ripping the disgusting things off her, but Adrien was suddenly there, and he latched onto her wrists, pulling her away from her work.</p><p>“Marinette, I’m begging you,” he said, tightening his grip on her as she struggled against him, crying loudly as he retained his gentle, soft look. “Please, <em>stop.” </em></p><p>“<em>NO!” </em>she cried, pushing him away from her so hard his back slammed against the wall opposite of him, close to the door out into the hallway. “No!” she cried again, pressing her hands to her head like she was trying to block out the noise rising inside her head. “No! I’m not going to be okay! I just want it to be <em>over</em>! I just want it all to <em>fucking end</em>!”</p><p>“Help!” Adrien cried outside the door, peeking his out of the room as he yelled down the hall. “She needs help!”</p><p>Suddenly, he was by her side again, pulled her hands away from her arms since she tried working at her bandages again, and it made her go crazy as she tried twisting out of his grip.</p><p>“Let go of me!” she screamed.</p><p>“NO!” Adrien yelled back at her.</p><p>She stopped suddenly, surprised by his outburst as she met his eyes, staring into the green irises that looked like a green sea she wanted to drown in, but the good drown. His face was so close to hers, his eyes watering behind those eyelids, like he was about to cry if he continued looking at her. But he wasn’t looking away, and it was selfish of her to be begging him to keep looking at her like that, especially as her mind was slipping between fantasy and reality.</p><p>His eyes seemed to stop time.</p><p>But that power could only last so long.</p><p>Adrien was suddenly lurched backwards, his hands leaving their grasp on her wrists and making it look like she was reaching out to him as a nurse pulled him out of the room.</p><p>“A-Adrien…” she called softly, reaching out further to him as he fought the nurse verbally outside the door, pointing back at her.</p><p>But suddenly, nurses all flooded the room, their blue shirts and pants looking like ice monsters as they reached out to her. As one nurse suddenly latched onto her wrist and pushed it against the bed, before forcing her to lie back against the bed, her mind snapped, and she began fighting once again.</p><p>The ice beasts pinned her to the bed, and she arched, thrashed and fought against the beasts as they held her down, trying to restrain her fight and flight. She could hear her distant voice crying out and begging for them to let go, trying to rip her arms from their iron grasp, but they were too strong. Her screams made her throat feel like it was bleeding, and her cries ripping apart her chest like a painful sob.</p><p>She absentmindedly looked off to the side, her face contorted horribly as her eyes flicked through the door.</p><p>Adrien stood frozen outside the door, watching helplessly as she fought against her will to live, a single tear falling down his cheek as he stared at her.</p><p>“Adrien!” she cried out, before a needle was shoved into her arm and within seconds, she blacked out.</p><p>.               .               .</p><p>
  <em>“How is she?” </em>
</p><p>Adrien stalled at the question, sitting on the edge of his very large bed inside his apartment as he held his phone to his ear. He looked down at his shoes, the moonlight streaming inside his apartment bouncing off the floorboards and making his tennis shoes look like they were glowing. The phone against his ear was buzzing with life at the active call, and for a moment the noise reminded him of the flat line he witnessed the other day.</p><p><em>“Adrien? You still there?” </em>Nino called over the phone, jumpstarting his heart.</p><p>“Yeah, I’m here,” he said, rubbing a hand up and down his face as he tried to wake himself up. “I just… got lost in my thoughts for a second.”</p><p><em>“It’s good, dude,” </em>Nino said again, before repeating his question. <em>“How’s Marinette?” </em></p><p>Adrien momentarily flashed back to earlier, remembering the thrashing, screaming and her cry of his name right before the needle was shoved into her arm and she slumped on the bed.</p><p>“She’s…” he trialed off, looking down as he struggled for words. <em>Okay </em>wasn’t really the right word to use right now. “She’s… she’s alive,” he finally said, looking up into the darkness of the apartment.</p><p>There was a small pause on the other side of the phone.</p><p><em>“That’s good, at least,”</em> he said awkwardly, obviously at a lost of what to say.</p><p>Adrien understood as an uncomfortable silence passed between them.</p><p><em>“Has she woken up yet?” </em>It was Alya’s voice this time, slightly tight from what he could hear, but it was hard to tell through the phone.</p><p>Adrien briefly looked down at his shoes again, “She… she actually woke up finally this morning,” he said, scratching the back of his neck. “But, uh, she didn’t remember what happened at first and when she… figured it out she sorta… just, went a little… she freaked out and they had to knock her out so she wouldn’t hurt herself.”</p><p>There was another pause over the phone from the couple he was talking to.</p><p><em>“Oh,” </em>was all Nino said in response.</p><p>Adrien rubbed his neck, “Yeah.”</p><p>They were all silent for a moment.</p><p><em>“Is she taking visitors?” </em>Alya asked, shifting something on the other side.</p><p>He shook his head, “They used a drug that’ll last about twelve hours, so she’s most likely still unconscious right now.” He sighed as he closed his eyes, his exhausted state slowly getting to him since the apartment was so quiet except for his voice. “They wouldn’t let me see her even after she was knocked out; they’re only letting family in right now. I doubt they’ll let anyone outside family see her for a few days.”</p><p><em>“Did they blame you for her… outburst?” </em>Alya questioned.</p><p>Adrien grimaced, <em>that’s one way to put it. </em></p><p>“They did at first, but her parents stepped in and defended me, thankfully,” he said, kicking a furball Plagg most likely coughed up away from his foot. “In they end, they thought it was just ‘her mind deteriorating’.” He said distastefully.</p><p><em>“What does that mean?” </em>Nino asked.</p><p>Adrien rubbed his eyes as the anxious, dreaded feeling came back when her parents first told him. “The doctors think it’s best they send Marinette to a mental hospital.”</p><p>Dead silence crossed the room and through the phone.</p><p><em>“Really?” </em>Alya said quietly.</p><p>He nodded, “After that outburst earlier, they’re already trying to pitch the idea to her parents.”</p><p>
  <em>“What do they think of it?” </em>
</p><p>“They’re not sure,” he answered honestly, rubbing his neck again to try and calm herself. “She’s been to one before, but only for two weeks… they want to send her away to America for a year, where the best mental hospital is.”</p><p><em>“Oh my God,” </em>Alya said through the phone, her voice struggling to hold back the emotion in it.</p><p>“Her parents are unsure right now though,” he said, feeling guilty about the hope in his chest. “Their last experience was lacking, and they don’t like the idea of her being so far away from them. Plus, they’d have limited contact with her, they’re scared of hearing… bad news through just a simple phone call.”</p><p><em>“Understandable,” </em>Nino said quietly. <em>“What do you think about it?” </em></p><p>Adrien looked down guilty at his shoes, hating himself for his selfish wants and desire of keeping her close to him so he could watch her. He hated the idea of having less to zero contact with her for a year, and maybe she hates him by the time she finally comes back, if she even wants to or remembers his name.</p><p>Even though he wanted to bear this burden with her, he also knew it was debilitating for her, which would be very horrible to carry himself alone if he tried helping her alone. He’s seen what carrying someone for too long does to somebody, and he knew it would be near impossible on these weak bones. But he also knew… that he was willing to do anything for her, even if it broke him to pieces beyond repair, and that fact about himself terrified him.</p><p>“I-I don’t know,” he answered honestly, bobbing his knee nervously. “I… I want her to stay because I… because I care about her, but I also know this could be good for her, this could help her, I just—” he stopped to rub his face to try and get control of his threatening to spill over emotions. “I just want her to get better, and if she needs to go to do that… then…” his eyes welled up as he struggled out his last sentence. “…then I’m willing to let go of her.”</p><p>There was a brief silence over the phone.</p><p><em>“Don’t let her leave,” </em>Alya said.</p><p>Adrien looked up in confusion. “What?”</p><p><em>“Don’t let her leave,” </em>she said again, her voice still fragile behind the speaker phone. <em>“Whatever you do, don’t let her leave you. She’ll die if she leaves.” </em></p><p>He stalled, “How… how do you know that?”</p><p><em>“If she’s as scared as you are about her leaving, then leaving won’t help her, it will make things worse,” </em>she said, urgency in her voice. <em>“Trust me, I know that girl even if… even if I haven’t known her in years. Moving away from her city, her friends, her family, the people that actually care about her to a place that will just see her as another damaged being—” </em>she briefly paused for a moment. <em>“She’ll be alone, and it will happen all over again… only this time she’ll be able to succeed.” </em></p><p>Adrien was silent for a long time as he felt his guilt wash almost completely away as the fear took over from there. The idea of her being alone inside a building that trapped her inside impenetrable walls would make her go crazy and hate it there. She would have no one there except someone who has appointments with her and prevents her from hurting herself. She would have no one to hold her at night, no one to tell her she’s loved and actually mean it, and she would have no one that would know how to bring her out of a blackout.</p><p>He’s the only one that knew how to do that.</p><p>“Alright,” he said gruffly, before clearing his throat. “Alright, I’ll… I’ll keep her from leaving.”</p><p><em>“You better Agreste,” </em>Alya said, before she seemed to leave Nino and him alone.</p><p><em>“You okay man?” </em>his friend asked after a moment.</p><p>Adrien almost laughed dryly, because the question seemed so outrageous, he almost considered it funny. “I’m just…” he shook his head, closing his eyes. “Barely holding on, Nino… She just—” he chocked up and forced a cough through his throat to cover it up. “She <em>really </em>scared me for a second.”</p><p><em>“She scared everyone,” </em>his friend said, stating the obvious. <em>“But… it must’ve been… horrible.” </em></p><p>Adrien nodded as a tear fell from his eye, his emotions getting to him once again. “There was so much blood, Nino, for a second I thought she was—” he couldn’t even begin to say it or imagine it.</p><p><em>“It’s alright dude, she’s okay now,” </em>he said, his voice low and calming to hear. <em>“Do you want Alya and I to come over? So, you’re not alone?” </em></p><p>Adrien smiled and wiped his tears away, “I’m okay dude thanks, Sabine is gonna call me any minute with news and I wanna be ready for it.”</p><p><em>“Alright dude, well, my phone’s always on, just call me if you need anything,” </em>he said, a little shyly because that was his nature.</p><p>He smiled on the other end of the phone, “Thanks man, goodnight.”</p><p>Nino exchanged similar goodbyes before they call detached and Adrien was left alone once again, in the dark. He took a moment to steady himself and buried his face in his hands, shaking his head as his emotions poured out in a chorus of sobs and whimpers, a very unmanly thing to do, so he thinks.</p><p>But it was good to get them out here, alone in his apartment, especially when he was alone. He rarely had time for himself, between the failing company and the complications with his Aunt Amelia, pressures from Nathalie and Felix constantly ringing on his doorbell, always asking for something. He was always on his toes as Chat Noir as well, between sentimonsters and akumas, which have been oddly quiet the last few days, and before the big reveal, he was constantly worried about Marinette.</p><p>He’s always been worried for his lady, because of the long years separated from her and college distracting him and then the company fell on his shoulders. He hasn’t even bought it yet and he already seemed to own it. “Learn the ropes,” Aunt Amelia said, “Fun,” it would be she said.</p><p>He was suddenly jumped back to reality when his phone once again rang on his bed next to him, and he stared at it in shock for a moment before it registered in his mind he should probably pick it up.</p><p>“Hello?” he called, relaxing when he heard the callers voice, but then his eyebrows furrowed in confusion as his chest seemed to fill with water. “<em>What?” </em></p><p>.               .               .</p><p>When Marinette awoke, she woke suddenly, panic still swelled inside her veins, her heart still hammering in her chest, and her insides feeling weak and like sludge. From the weird drug that was coursing through her system for the past twelve hours, says her parents, she immediately lurched to the side where a nurse was waiting with a bucket like thing and vomited her guts out. The nothing in her stomach still pushed itself up, dinners she didn’t know she had were in there as she retched into the bucket.</p><p>When she was done, she collapsed with shaky bones back on the bed, looked at her parents to the right who stared at her with intense curiosity and nervousness.</p><p>But they had nothing to worry about, because as soon as the event before she was knocked out came rushing back into her memory, she immediately broke down. She tried reaching for her parents as they approached her, but the leather binds holding her wrists to the bed kept her from embracing her parents.</p><p>“They were for your safety,” her mother said, brushing her daughter’s hair out of the way as she talked. “They wanted to make sure you wouldn’t try and hurt yourself in your sleep. We didn’t really have a say in it.”</p><p>She nodded numbly as she stared down at her bare feet, since her legs were now free from the blanket. Her toes looked weird to her, but she didn’t know why. Maybe it was just strange to look at something normal for what seemed like the longest time.</p><p>“How long?” she croaked, not looking at her parents.</p><p>“About twelve hours,” her father said, sitting in the chair to her right. “They wanted to calm you down for a bit before they…” he trailed off and looked down at the binds on her wrists.</p><p>She nodded, “Right.”</p><p>The room was silent for a moment as the situation sunk into her bones.</p><p>“What’s—” her voice cracked, and she broke down into sobs again, “What’s happening to me, mom?” she called, her voice shattering as she sobbed loudly.</p><p>“Oh, baby,” her mother said, bringing her daughter close as she hugged her to her chest as best she could. “It’s okay.”</p><p>“I’m s-sorry,” she said through horrible sobs, her father taking her other hand since he stood up and walked to her bed. “I d-didn’t mean t-to hurt y-you,” she struggled out.</p><p>“Honey,” her mother said softly again, petting her hair as she hugged her tighter. “You… you scared us is all.”</p><p>She pulled away gently and looked up at her mom, feeling tears falling down her face unashamed. “I’m s-sorry.”</p><p>It was her father’s hand that gently caressed her hairline this time, and she looked to her right as her father smiled down at her. She’s never seen her father cry before, and the sight of two tears streaming down his face and falling off his jaw was something she was never going to forget.</p><p>“We’re just happy you’re alive, sweetheart,” he said deeply, smiling through his tears as more fell from his eyes. He leaned forward and gently pressed a kiss to her hairline, continuing to push hair from her face.</p><p>She sighed as she leaned her head back and closed her eyes for a minute, letting her parents have a little privacy for their emotional states and recover from it. When she finally opened her eyes, she looked to her mother and asked one of the many questions she had.</p><p>“Who found me?” she asked quietly.</p><p>Sabine hesitated, glancing at Tom before she turned her attention back to her daughter.</p><p>“Adrien was the one that found you, honey,” she said, stroking her hair again.</p><p>Marinette nodded slowly, “Why am I not surprised?”</p><p>“Because you two are rather close, I figured,” Sabine answered, taking a strand and pushing it behind her ear. “He’s been here the whole time during visiting hours the past few days, waiting for you to wake up.”</p><p>She looked up at her, surprised this time. “Really?” she asked.</p><p>Her mother nodded, “Yes, honey.”</p><p>She tore her gaze away at that moment, looking back at her toes which had not changed since the last time she saw them, except their position had changed because she couldn’t sit still. She felt like the binds were making it worse rather than better. She still felt like ripping her arms off just to be free of the binds, which made her think that maybe it was time to start thinking differently.</p><p>“Can…” she turned her gaze back to her parents, looking back and forth between them. “Can I see him?”</p><p>Her parents hesitated before glancing back at each other, like they were having a silent conversation in front of her like she wasn’t even there.</p><p>She’s always hated that.</p><p>“He can come back during visiting hours tomorrow, love,” Sabine said softly, stroking her hair. “I don’t know if they’ll let him in, but he can try. You’ll get to see him eventually.”</p><p>She nearly bounced up and down with frustration in her bed but restrained herself as she slightly sat forward. “Please?” she begged, looking back and forth at them once again. “Please, I need to see him.”</p><p>They went to answer but they stopped when they saw the pleading look in her eyes, a desperation behind them like she was going to have another breakdown if she didn’t see him right now. Her parents didn’t like the idea of breaking the rules, but they both knew Adrien would never hurt her; if he wanted to, he could’ve simply left Marinette in that bathtub to bleed out.</p><p>But he didn’t, instead he saved her.</p><p>That was enough family material for them, blood or no blood.</p><p>So, Sabine silently turned from the bed and walked to the small round table on the other side of the room and opened her purse. She dug around in it for a little while before she finally found her phone and she turned back to the bed while holding it.</p><p>She took Marinette’s hand in her hold as she clicked the dial button on her touch screen, before holding it to her ear, listening as the phone rung once, twice, before someone answered.</p><p>
  <em>“Hello?” </em>
</p><p>She perked up at his voice and stared at her mother as she started talking.</p><p>“Hi Adrien, sorry to bother you if you were sleeping but…” she trailed off and glanced at Marinette, before quickly going on. “Marinette’s awake, and she wants to talk to you.”</p><p>There was a short pause over the phone.</p><p><em>“What?” </em>he said incredulously.</p><p>Marinette’s heart sank in her chest and she slumped. She had the feeling he didn’t want to see her.</p><p>“She’s…” her mother continued, glancing at her daughter once again. “She’s really jumpy and she really wants you around. She’s okay… but she wants—<em>needs </em>you here with her.”</p><p>There was another short pause as Adrien seemed to take it in.</p><p>Then a sigh came over the phone, <em>“Alright,” </em>he said, making Marinette look up in surprise as he continued. <em>“Tell her I’ll be there in ten.” </em></p><p>They exchanged goodbyes before Sabine hung up the phone, rubbing Marinette’s back soothingly as her heart both skipped and sank at the idea he was coming. Exactly how much the anticipation was making her insides melt and burn at the same time, made her feel like a storm of confusing energy was spiraling like a cursed tornado heading straight for her heart.</p><p>And it was either going to make her or break her.   </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hey guys! </p><p>I'm proud to announce that I am ALMOST finished writing Afterglow, so you can expect updates to start happening more often. I'm thinking I'm finish writing it this weekend since I'm only in school for two days this week. Hope everyone is staying safe out there, and please take care of yourselves &lt;3</p><p>Much Love, <br/>happt</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0031"><h2>31. Afterglow</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>A lot of apologies, and a lot of redemption</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Warnings: Mentioning of Suicide Attempt and Self-Harm, Mentioning of Panic Attacks, Mentioning of Usage of Drugs by Medical professionals (I am not a doctor, so I don't know if my descriptions are accurate).</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chapter 31: Afterglow</p><p> </p><p>He does this every time he stands outside her hospital door, with hesitation and complete awareness of the situation. He never forgets the anxiety or the terrified feeling that bounces around inside his bones either, making his stomach and organs rival against him and threaten to fail him. He hated this feeling, this feeling of his body and mind fighting against himself, ganging up on him like some elementary bullies. He felt pinned to the wall, and yet, he stood in the middle of the hallway, staring at the door with a single long window in it, which led to the room where too many emotions swam inside it.</p><p>He both wanted to burst the door open, sweep Marinette into his arms, swing her around and cry happy tears that she was alive. But at the same time, he dreaded entering that room, he wanted to run the other way, and never look back, he wanted to forget this ever happened, and hopefully she would forget to.</p><p>But the horrid memories were still buried deep inside him, his mental state was still shaken from the terrifying moment he endured, and yet he was still here. He was here because <em>she </em>needed him; he wasn’t about to run when she needed him. This isn’t about him; this is about her.</p><p>He finally took a deep breath and slowly walked forward, reaching for the doorknob before the door suddenly carefully clicked open. Tom Dupain was there, and he greeted him with a halfhearted smile.</p><p>“Adrien,” he said, like he was expecting him. “Come in.”</p><p>Adrien hesitated, glancing at the opened door before swallowing hard. He stepped forward and tried to control his already trembling body as he walked forward, his eyes immediately snapping to hers once he was inside the room.</p><p>Her eyes immediately welled up and she looked down at her lap, like she was ashamed, and he followed her gaze and noticed the straps on her wrists.</p><p>“We’ll leave you two alone for a bit,” Sabine said, standing from her chair and walking to her husband who was waiting by the opened door. “Just call us if you need anything,” she said quietly to him.</p><p>He nodded and didn’t respond as they left the room, leaving the door cracked before they walked a little down the hallway and sat down, no doubt waiting in case their daughter freaked out again.</p><p>He cast his gaze back to her again, studying the straps on her wrist, pining her to the bed and making it impossibly to do anything on her own. Her parents must have to feed her, help her with drinking, and even going to the bathroom. He knew how stubborn she was, and she no doubt hated people helping her with such basic things, and he knew how much she liked taking care of things by herself.</p><p>Yeah, that worked out great.</p><p>“I didn’t know they put those on you,” he said, gesturing at the restraints.</p><p>She looked up at him then, her eyes hollow and swollen from crying, the bags under her eyes from exhaustion despite how much sleep she got the past few days. She looked down at the restraints herself, moving what little amount she could and making the leather slightly pull on the skin of her wrists.</p><p>“They didn’t want me hurting myself in my sleep,” she said, her voice chipped and wet, like she’d been coughing for hours. She relaxed her arms and dropped them on the bed before looking back up at him. “Or when I woke up.”</p><p>He nodded, staring at her from the long side of her bed. “I understand why.”</p><p>She nodded as well, “Me to.”</p><p>There was a tense silence between them as they stared at each other, exchanging what seemed to be frequencies of confusing emotions. It wasn’t reading their mind, but they could see it in the other’s eyes exactly they were feeling.</p><p>“Can I come closer?” Adrien asked softly, hoping he didn’t scare her suddenly like earlier.</p><p>She nodded after a moment, inviting him to sit in the cushioned chair to the right. He sat down and relaxed his legs for a moment, before resting his head in his hands, listening to the constant sound of her heartbeat on the monitor.</p><p>“How’d you get in?” she asked after a long silent moment.</p><p>He sighed heavily and dropped his hands, looking at the floor instead at her. “I tried getting in through the front desk but that didn’t work because you’re both not taking visitors for a couple days and it’s not visiting hours. So, I ended up scaling the wall until I found your floor, jumped into an empty room, and detransformed before I came and found you.”</p><p>She nodded, “And… and Tikki?”</p><p>That’s when he met her eyes. He could tell from the look in her beautiful, exhausted eyes that she was nervous about her little companion, especially since she remembered what she did.</p><p>“Safe,” he said, watching her relax a little. “I locked her inside a safe back at my apartment.”</p><p>“A <em>safe</em>?” she asked incredulously.</p><p>He stared at her for a moment. “Well… she is inactive.”</p><p>She relaxed, “Right… right.” She looked away from him and at the door for a moment, before looking up and blinking rapidly to clear the emotions swimming in her eyes.</p><p>Adrien glanced down at her wrists again, feeling another swell of panic and anxiety course through him as he leaned forward and pressed his tight fists against his lips, squeezing his eyes shut. He blew out a harsh rush of hair in an attempt to suck in more air into his lungs, but the anxiety only got worse.</p><p>“Adrien?”</p><p>All thoughts left him when he heard her warbled voice, and he opened his eyes so that he could see her.</p><p>She looked nervous, like she was waiting for a bomb to blow up under him, or for the other shoe to drop to the floor. Just waiting on something to happen so that she wouldn’t have to feel so anxious anymore.</p><p>He broke his gaze and dropped his hands, “I don’t like this,” he said, dropping his gaze to the floor. “I don’t like… I don’t like seeing you like that.”</p><p>She was quiet. </p><p>“Like you’re some caged animal that… that I can’t trust alone anymore,” he said, squeezing his eyes shut and shaking his head. He dropped his chin to his chest, taking a deep breath before he spoke again. “I’ve… I’ve never been that scared,” he admitted softly.</p><p>He didn’t know what expression she was wearing, but her silence said enough that she was staring back at him, watching him spill his fear to her.</p><p>After a long moment, Marinette finally spoke softly. “They told me that you were the one that found me,” she said.</p><p>He waited a moment before looking at her. Her eyes were still tried and exhausted from her fried mental state, but her gaze was filled with alertness, and regret.</p><p>“I’m sorry you had to see that,” she said slowly, apologetically.</p><p>“I’m not,” he snapped, looking at her with agony in his eyes. “If I hadn’t found you, no ambulance, car or person would’ve gotten you here in time.” He paused as he gestured at himself, “It <em>had </em>to be me.”</p><p>She stared at him with regretful eyes.</p><p>“I had to carry you while you bleed all the way down my suit, all the way down my clothes as soon as I detransformed. You were bleeding so much so fast I barely—<em>barely </em>got you inside the hospital in time before your heart stopped.” He kept his eyes on her as he continued. “It’s like you were trying to bleed <em>because of me.”</em></p><p>“That’s not what I’m trying to say,” she said quietly.</p><p>“Then what are you trying to say?” he asked back.</p><p>“Can we just—” she shook her head in frustration and looked away from him, with tears brimming in her eyes. When she finally did look at him, her expression was just as painful as his. “Can we just stop fighting for <em>two seconds </em>so we can understand each other?”</p><p>He stared at her, pausing to study her emotional expression, before he nodded.</p><p>She took a moment to take a deep breath, closing her eyes and seemingly to force her emotions back so she could properly speak to him.</p><p>“I’m trying to say I’m sorry,” she finally said, her voice warbling a little on the last word. She opened her eyes and looked at him, pressing her lips together before taking a sharp breath in. “I… I did something stupid and I… I didn’t call you when Tikki said I should and I—” She stopped to take a shattering breath as tears made their way down her face. “I just… lost it.”</p><p>He stared at her, “Lost what?”</p><p>“My sanity!” she gasped, laughing dryly as she refused to look at him. “The noise and the voices got too loud and I just wanted it all to <em>stop.” </em></p><p>He stared at her, understanding. “You don’t always have to be the one that stops it, Mari.”</p><p>She looked at him furiously, “Then who will?!” she cried, looking away from him again.</p><p>He stared at her for a moment before slowly getting up from his chair and approaching her carefully. She noticed him coming for her and she whipped her head back to him, studying him up and down as he stopped right next to her.</p><p>“I can stop it, Mari,” he said tenderly, reaching up and pushing some hair from her face.</p><p>Her face immediately contorted as she held back her emotions to speak. “Really?” she asked, her voice very tight from the pressure to sob in her throat.</p><p>In that moment, looking at her while she started to believe that there could be relief in the future with him, his emotions threatened to spill over his eyes and tumble into sobs just as she had. But for her sake, he held it together, and he would get out his emotions later, so that she can focus on herself for now.</p><p>“Always,” he said, continuing to stroke her hair gently. He studied her for a moment before looking down shamefully. “I guess this is where I ask for your forgiveness.”</p><p>Marinette was silent, which meant he was right.</p><p>“I’m…” he trailed off to find his words before speaking again. “I’m sorry for how stupid I’ve been,” he said, unwillingly looking up into her eyes for fear that he’d start crying. “For the things I said and… and blaming you for something that was <em>not </em>your fault, obviously.” He finally did look up, meeting her attentive eyes which hurt to look at, but he held her gaze anyway. “I’m such a hypocrite,” he said, shaking his head and stroking her hair again. “Especially since I’m the one that saved you by doing something reckless in the first place.”</p><p>She smiled halfheartedly, her eyes misting once again before she opened her mouth to speak. “I’ll forgive you, as long as you forgive me for all I said.”</p><p>He shook his head at her, “You don’t need to worry about that right now.”</p><p>“But I want to,” she insisted, facing him more directly. “If I don’t, I’m gonna be up all night thinking about it and thinking you hate me for not asking it.”</p><p>“I could never hate you,” he instinctively said.</p><p>“That’s no what it’s about,” she said, softer this time as she looked down. “I’m sorry,” she said first, pausing for a moment. “I shouldn’t have said anything about your father. I had no right to. You’re nothing like him, far from anything like him. I just said that because… I… I wanted to hurt you,” she said quietly, looking up at him through her eyelashes.</p><p>Something hurt in his chest as he stared at her, “Well, it worked,” he said nonchalantly.</p><p>She lifted her head to fully look at him with tears brimming in her eyes. “I’m sorry. For everything,” she said, shaking her head. “It was stupid to say things I know nothing about.” She paused before looking down, “And… and I’m sorry for… for trying to…” she trailed off, unable to say it either.</p><p>He reached up, before gently stroking a piece of hair and tucking it behind her ear, making her look up at him. “And I’m sorry for blaming you,” he said, using his other hand to put another strand behind her other ear. “That’s not something Chat Noir should have said.”</p><p>She nodded, agreeing with him. “What came outta my mouth isn’t something Ladybug should’ve said either.”</p><p>He smiled lightly at her, “We were both stupid.”</p><p>She smiled back at him, a beautiful sight that covered the hurt in his chest with a warm blanket. Relief passed over his body as she continued where he left off.</p><p>“Yeah,” she said, leaning into his hand beside her face. “Yeah, we were.”</p><p>They both shared a light, halfhearted laugh that was quiet and gentle. The laugh was not playful or endearing, but it did symbolize the burden falling off both their shoulders at the same time, relief like sweet air entering your lungs after a lifetime of not breathing.</p><p>“Can we just…” she trailed off, looking up at him with pleading in her eyes as she searched his gaze, acknowledging his closeness. “… forget all that was said?”</p><p>He stared at her, a rock forming in his chest of nervousness. “A-All of it?”</p><p>She stared at him and her eyes told him that she knew exactly what he was talking about.</p><p>He tilted his head slightly at her, “You told me you love me.”</p><p>Her cheeks reddened, but she didn’t look away as she nodded slowly.</p><p>“But…” he swallowed as the rock enlarged inside his chest. “But you also said you hate me.”</p><p>She immediately shook his head, “I only said that so you’d let me go.”</p><p>“Alright,” he said softly, reaching up and cupping her cheek, stroking his thumb against her cheek bone as he stared into her eyes. “Then which one is it?”</p><p>She gulped nervously, “The first one.”</p><p>His heart fluttered, and he felt the rock slowly melt as he inched closer to her, their breaths mingling as he neared her.</p><p>“Say it,” he said quietly.</p><p>She stared at him with wide eyes, slowly shaking her head carefully. “No.”</p><p>He stared at her for a moment before leaning closer, glancing down at her lips which were parted and dispersing shaky, nervous breaths. He flicked his gaze back to hers and found that she was doing the same thing as he was before she tore her gaze from his lips and looked back into his eyes.</p><p>He leaned in closer, their noses touching.</p><p>“Say it,” he whispered.</p><p>She stared at him for a long moment, a tense few, delicate seconds passing slowly as the time dragged on, his heart pounding in his ears as he anxiously waited for her answer.</p><p>“I love you,” she finally whispered back to him.</p><p>He leaned closer and closed the distance between them, acknowledging her surprised squeak before slowing down to her needed pace. He just delicately pressed his lips to her, feeling her relax into his touch and lean into him, opening her own mouth and capturing his lips again. Sparks emanated off their now joined lips, and he felt every cell in his body exploding. The passion and gentleness he tried pushing through her lips was very delicate, and he just wanted her to know how treasured and precious she was to him.</p><p>It only lasted seconds, but it really felt like forever to him.</p><p>He pulled away first, gently pulling his lips off hers and leaning back enough to look into her eyes.</p><p>“I love you to,” he said quietly as he leaned forward and pressed a gentle kiss on her forehead.</p><p>“Will you meet me?” Marinette asked suddenly, looking up into his eyes.</p><p>He furrowed his eyebrows together as he gave her a confused look. “Meet you where?”</p><p>She stared at him, swallowing nervously. “In the afterglow?”</p><p>He almost laughed at what she was referencing, but he didn’t mind as he smiled and pressed another tender kiss to her forehead and rested his forehead against hers.</p><p>“In the afterglow,” he whispered.</p><p>.               .               .</p><p>Two days passed of her not seeing him, and Marinette was about to go insane if she didn’t. She had two panic attacks while he was away, and the only way the nurses where able to calm her down was to knock her out until she was calm. The drug they used wasn’t as strong as the one they used before, but it was strong enough to make her pass out within minutes of taking it and wake up nauseated when it was still slowly leaving her system.</p><p>She felt like the drug was a substitution for Adrien, and no matter how many times she pleaded, begged and even asked her parents to see him, they said they bended the rules enough by having him sneak in that night when she really needed him.</p><p>Which the nurses found out about by the way. The didn’t know how he turned up in a room just across the hall from her, but he wasn’t threatening to kill her or being stalky so they couldn’t make him stay away.</p><p>Besides, she trusted him. And she told them that he was good for her.</p><p>When they finally did open up visiting hours for her two days later, Adrien showed up not two minutes past visiting hours began, and she jumped at the sight of him.</p><p>“Hey,” he said softly, reaching for her and taking her head in his hands, planting a gentle kiss on her forehead which felt so good to have after days of not seeing him.</p><p>She immediately felt calm in his presence, and she leaned into his touch as he let the kiss linger on her skin.</p><p>“Hi,” she said back, moving her newly free arms to wrap him in a hug and pull herself closer to him. He smelled of warmth and fruit, but she couldn’t tell why. She unwrapped one arm and took his hand, gently kissing his knuckles with affection before curling around him again.</p><p>“What was that for?” he said, returning the hug.</p><p>“They finally freed my hands today and I’m taking advantage of it,” she said, leaning closer to him and almost going over the side of the railings.</p><p>He wrapped his arms more tightly around her shoulders, “You have more energy today.”</p><p>“You’re here,” she said, nuzzling her nose more into his warm chest. “I haven’t seen you in two days. I got excited.”</p><p>He chuckled, rubbing his arms up and down her back. “I know,” he said, before pecking the top of her head. “I missed you to.” He looked around the room curiously before he said, “Where’re your parents?”</p><p>“They went to get something to eat, I told them to,” she said, not letting go of him.</p><p>He continued rubbing her back. “Was that wise?”</p><p>“I haven’t tried to… you know, since when I woke up, and I’m feeling moderately sane right now, so I figured this was the best time for them to finally eat,” she said, her fists twisting around in his shirt like she was trying to keep him close. “Plus, they’d knew you’d be here. They left only a few minutes ago.”</p><p>He nodded, “Alright.” He pulled back and he gently held her face with one hand, studying her eyes carefully. “How are you? You okay?”</p><p>Marinette considered, she felt sane and okay, but she wasn’t good or alright. One minute she could be smiling with her mom and dad, eating some sort of hospital food, or she could break down crying as she remembered things. She missed him, she still felt bad for their huge fight a few days ago, and she was still struggling to fight these panic attacks and blackouts.</p><p>The doctors couldn’t figure it out, the blackouts. At first, they thought she was just being unresponsive of outside stimuli, but as the days moved on, she became more and more detached. A nurse once walked in on her having a blackout, and Marinette was staring out into space while she tried to get her attention. Eventually, the doctor just thought she was silently panicking and therefore couldn’t respond, so they waited until she flinched awake about two minutes later, having a full-blown panic attack where she thought she was fighting two different white beings.</p><p>They just knocked her out again, and she hated how unconscious and frustrating it was.</p><p>Plus, she wasn’t sleeping, not properly. She was afraid of the dreams.</p><p>“Marinette?”</p><p>She flinched at the voice and looked up at Adrien who was staring at her in concern.</p><p>“You okay? You looked lost for a second,” he observed.</p><p>She stared at him for a moment before looking down at her hands, fiddling with them as they seemed to match her nervous energy.</p><p>“I’m okay, I guess,” she said, shaking her head. “I just… hate it here.”</p><p>He nodded, “I know.” He studied her for a moment, “Have you been sleeping? You look exhausted.”</p><p>She snorted as he stroked her cheek gently, “You mean besides the drugs they’ve been giving me?”</p><p>He gave her a sad look. “They’re just trying to protect you, Mari.”</p><p>“Yeah, but they make me feel so sick, I’m barely eating, sleeping and I’ve had a panic attack everyday since you left and I—” she stopped, exhaling sharply. “I finally feel relaxed now that you’re here and as soon as you’re gone, I’m going to have another panic attack and they’ll knock me out again.”</p><p>“They’re trying to help you, sweetheart,” he said, stroking her hair out of her face. “I know it sucks but… believe it or not they don’t trust you with yourself right now, and even though the drugs and the constant sickness you get sucks, it’s working, it’s keeping you from hurting yourself.”</p><p>She took a shaky breath, “I know,” she said quietly, looking down shamefully. “I know and that’s why I hate it so much,” she said, leaning into his touch when he stroked her cheek. “I don’t have control and they have control and I don’t like it.”</p><p>“No one likes being out of control,” he said quietly, continuing his gentle touches in her hair and on her face. “But sometimes it’s best to give someone else control when you don’t have it yourself. Sometimes we don’t even know what’s best for ourselves until someone points it out to us.”</p><p>She looked up at him, recognizing some of the words he spoke, but unable to place them on where she heard them from.</p><p>She sighed heavily and pressed the side of her face into his chest, “I think I’m in denial,” she said, noticing the way he stalled his stroking.</p><p>He seemed to think for a moment, his fingers now brushing through her hair. “Well, admitting that at least helps you acknowledge that maybe you do have a problem.”</p><p>She was slow to her response. “I guess.”</p><p>He waited a moment before responding at all. “What are you denying?”</p><p>She shifted her position and pressed his ear close enough to his left peck so she could hear his heartbeat, which calmed her. “That I need help,” she said, reaching up and touching his arm just because she liked touching him.</p><p>He nodded against her slowly, pausing before responding again. “It’s okay that you don’t understand it or want it at all,” he said, reaching out and gently pulling away, resting his hand on her cheek as he looked down at her. “Just know, you’re gonna get help no matter what, and when someone wants to help you, try not to reject them, okay?”</p><p>She stared up at him, before turning her head into his hand and kissing the inside of his palm. “Okay,” she said, smiling up at him. “If it’d come from anyone else, I wouldn’t have listened.”</p><p>He snorted, pulling her back into a tight embrace, “That’s almost scary, but that’s okay for right now.”</p><p>She listened to a few more heartbeats before saying anything. “Promise this is okay for right now?”</p><p>He seemed to catch her secret meaning behind the question as he kissed the top of her head, “Promise,” he mumbled against her hair.</p><p>They stayed like that for a few minutes, Marinette soaking up every drop of peace from him as she could get. She knew he’d have to leave eventually, but she didn’t like the idea. She needed him close so she could actually sleep tonight, so that he could calm her panic attacks and bring her out of the blackouts. But that was unrealistic, there was no way he could stay here without the security dragging him out by the shoulders.</p><p>She hated the idea of him leaving, so she hoped the feel of his arms around her would stay long enough so that she could actually fall asleep alone tonight.</p><p>“So,” he said, after that long moment ended, and he pulled back to look into her eyes. “I brought someone with me today.”</p><p>She raised an eyebrow at him, “Okay?”</p><p>“And well, I just want you to hear me out, okay?” he asked, a careful look in his eyes.</p><p>She eyed him suspiciously. “… alright.”</p><p>“Alright,” he answered, before straightening and pulling himself from her embrace to walk around the bed. “They’re right outside the door, I’ll be right back.”</p><p>She nodded and followed him with her gaze outside the door, watching his hand rest on the frame as he seemed to refuse to leave the room. He walked back inside after only a few seconds and walked to her side once again, just as the other person he had supposedly brought with him walked slowly through the door.</p><p>“Alya,” Marinette said, surprised once she saw her.</p><p>Alya Césaire stood there, wearing a grey zip up sweater, a dark shirt, blue jeans and a nervous expression on her face as she saw the girl on the bed. She had a purse strap around her shoulders, the bag hanging off her hip and one hand holding the strap nearest to the bag.</p><p>“H-Hey,” she said, giving her a half wave.</p><p>Marinette turned back to Adrien, slight panic in her voice as she met his eyes. “Wh-What—”</p><p>“Hey, it’s okay,” he said softly, taking her face gently with one hand. “She’s not here to hurt you.”</p><p>“Then—” she chocked and regained her breath, looking back at him. “Then why?”</p><p>“She just wants to talk,” he said gently, using his other hand to trace gentle lines up and down her bicep, which soothed her. “She’s the one that came to me first.”</p><p>She stared at him, shaking her head like she didn’t want to face this yet.</p><p>He shushed her gently, kissing her forehead carefully which stilled her panic before it slowly drained from her body.</p><p>“If you don’t want to talk then you don’t have to,” he said carefully, taking her hands and rubbing circles on her knuckles. “But… I think you should hear her out.”</p><p>Marinette briefly glanced at Alya before looking back at Adrien, finding warmth and comfort in his gaze. She leaned forward and pressed her forehead to his, finding stillness in his warm presence and wanting it to stay like this forever. With him only a breath away, she decided to be brave and open her thoughts, and only something simple came out.</p><p>She didn’t entirely trust Alya yet, but she did trust Adrien.</p><p>She took a deep breath in before releasing it slowly. “Okay,” she said carefully, listening to the way his breathing changed.</p><p>He leaned back and smiled at her, reaching up and holding her cheek and stroking it gently. “Okay, sweetheart,” he said, before straightening. “I’m right outside if you need me, okay?”</p><p>She nodded back, holding onto his hands tighter.</p><p>He turned to Alya, “Just yell if you need help,” he said.</p><p>She looked at him and nodded grimly.</p><p>Adrien turned back to her, tearing his hands from her grasp gently and taking her face in his hands. He gently planted a lingering kiss to her forehead, before finally letting go of her. She watched him step away from her, holding onto her hand until he couldn’t anymore. He rounded the bed and gave Alya a friendly pat on the shoulder, then gave Marinette one more gentle smile, before finally leaving the room.</p><p>There was a long, tense silence that passed between the two girls as they avoided each other’s gaze.</p><p>“I’m happy for you,” Alya finally said to break the silence.</p><p>Marinette looked up at her, “What?”</p><p>“Adrien,” she said, awkwardly gesturing at the door with a wave of her hand. “I’m just… I’m glad you finally… I’m glad you guys have each other.”</p><p>She stared at her, “Took extreme measures for it to finally happen.”</p><p>Alya bit her lip, “Yeah.”</p><p>Another awkward silence passed between them as they seemed to both look down at the same time.</p><p>“Uh,” Alya said quietly, making Marinette look back up at her. The brunette looked uncomfortable as she fiddled with her bag strap and shifted on her feet. “I’m… I’m not good with apologies,” she said, a harsh grimace bending her face like she ate a bad egg.</p><p>Marinette pressed her lips together, inviting her to continue.</p><p>“So, just forgive me for the horrible, cheesy and probably the <em>worst </em>apology you’ll ever hear so just—” she gave her a helpless look. “Bear with me,” she said.</p><p>Marinette nodded slowly.</p><p>She looked down and played with her fingertips while her mouth hung open, her figure slightly trembling, a sign she was thinking deeply.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” she mumbled, loud enough for Marinette to hear as Alya looked up at her. “I’m sorry for… everything,” she said, shaking her head as emotions began swimming in her eyes. “What I did to you is unforgiveable and… I already know how stubborn you are that you won’t accept my apology… and I can’t blame you for that.”</p><p>Marinette just watched her, surprised by this but also curious to see where this was going exactly.</p><p>“But… I don’t even know why I came here… I just…” Alya shook her head and looked down. “I guess I came here to see if the one and only true friend I’ve ever had was willing to take me back.”</p><p>Marinette’s eyes widened and she felt her heart skip a beat.</p><p>“But…” Alya continued, shaking her head as tears started falling from her eyes and her face contorted, her voice rising in pitch as she spoke more. “But I just… I wanted t-to let you kn-know—” she sniffled harshly and breathed out her nose. “I don’t deserve your forgiveness, or your friendship, but I just wanted to let you know that…” she looked up at her hesitantly, tear streaks down her face. “I’m sorry, and if I could do it over again, I would do the right thing and s-stay with you.” She shook her head again and looked down at the floor, sniffling again. “I’m just… so sorry.”</p><p>Marinette studied her for a long time, watching the tears fall from her face and onto her hands or onto the ground, slashing on the tiled floor. She could see the innocence behind those eyes, and the purity of those tears that seemed to be truthful. And even after years of not properly talking to her friend, she perfectly knew that she wasn’t lying, because Alya doesn’t cry unless she knew she did something wrong.</p><p>“’Mistakes are always forgivable,’” Marinette said, making Alya look up at her curiously. “’If one has the courage to admit them.’”</p><p>Alya stared at her for a moment before snorting lightly, reaching up and wiping the tears from her eyes as a smile slowly crept up her face.</p><p>“Bruce Lee?” she asked softly.</p><p>Marinette smiled, before nodding. “Yeah.”</p><p>Alya laughed shortly before she carefully took a step forward. “Does… does that mean you forgive me? Even after everything?”</p><p>Marinette smiled at her, feeling the past lift off her like dead weight. “How could I not?”</p><p>Alya smiled, more tears brimming in her eyes. “C-Can I hug you?”</p><p>Marinette nodded eagerly, feeling her own eyes watering by the second as Alya closed the distance between them, wrapping her in such a tight hug, she forgot where she was for a second.</p><p>It felt like a thousand pounds was just lifted off her.</p><p>All of a sudden, the hallway was filled with a high-pitched scream, and Marinette didn’t even have time to react before she was suddenly swarmed by hordes of brown and blonde curls.</p><p>“Oh my God Marinette!” Chanel cried, hugging her tightly. “We heard <em>days</em> ago but they wouldn’t let us come see you!”</p><p>“I almost broke down the walls to get to you!” Claire said, trading spots with Chanel to give her another tight hug before she pulled back, tears of her own brimming in her eyes. “We… we were so worried.”</p><p>Marinette has rarely seen Claire or Chanel emotional, but it looked like they were both going to cry in that moment.</p><p>“I’m okay guys,” she said, giving them each a hug back. “I… I just had a bit of a breakdown, that’s all.”</p><p>“I get it, but…” Claire looked at her with deeply concerned eyes. “Just… Just call us next time you need help, okay?”</p><p>Marinette took the request to heart, “Thanks guys, I will.”</p><p>“Sorry!” Adrien said, suddenly crashing through the door and almost falling over. He righted himself and leaned very un-suavely against the doorframe to mask his falter in steps. “I-I couldn’t stop them.”</p><p>She giggled at him, but smiled sweetly as he approached her, reaching her side and touching her arm.</p><p>“It’s fine,” she said, looking at the three other girls in the room. “Besides, nothing could stop Claire and Chanel.”</p><p>“She’s got that right,” Claire said, bumping shoulders with Chanel playfully.</p><p>Adrien returned his gaze to Marinette, “I’ll give you guys some space to catch up.”</p><p>She smiled at him, “Alright, but I want you back in here before visiting hours are over.”</p><p>He smiled comically at her, “Yes ma’am,” he said, before leaning down and giving her a gentle, chaste kiss on the lips, then nodded at the other girls, before leaving the room.</p><p>“<em>Dude,</em>” Chanel said, once he was gone. “How’d you pull <em>that </em>off?”</p><p>“Oh, you should have seen her back in high school,” Alya interjected, grabbing the two other girl’s attention. “She was stumbling all over him, trying to get up the nerve to talk to him, stalking him—”</p><p>“<em>Stalking him?!”</em> Claire exclaimed, turning back to a beet red Marinette who was staring wide eyed down at her lap. “Who were you? A spy?”</p><p>She only groaned in response before covering her face with her hands.</p><p>“Worse,” Alya said, before leaning closer to them like she was sharing top secret information. “She had the most obvious crush on him.”</p><p>Claire and Chanel gasped dramatically, before all three girls burst out laughing.</p><p>“Alya Césaire,” she said, reaching out and shaking hands with the blonde and the brunette.</p><p>“Oh, the reporter!” Claire acknowledged. “You’re very good.”</p><p>“Well, thanks,” Alya said, before looking at her face with more concentration. “How do you get your eyelashes to curl like that? Mine are just straight.”</p><p>“Primer and eyelash curler,” Claire said, before giving a chief’s kiss to the air. “Works every time.”</p><p>Alya laughed, “I have a feeling we’re gonna be good friends.”</p><p>“You guys are gonna be ruthless, aren’t you?” Marinette jumped in, looking at each other the girls around her accusingly.</p><p>Alya, Claire and Chanel all exchanged knowing glances, before they all burst out laughing.</p><p>Marinette soon joined them, and it was the first joyous laugh that crossed her lips in what felt like forever.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! Maybe it is time for a little healing &lt;3</p><p>See you next time &lt;3</p><p>Much Love, <br/>happt</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0032"><h2>32. Grasp</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Struggling to fight off her mind, Marinette battles for her life in the hospital, while Adrien has a strange encounter with the doctor, and his promise is tested.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Warnings: Mentioning of Self-Harm, Mentioning of possible Torture.</p><p>Not a lot of warnings in this chapter :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chapter 32: Grasp</p><p> </p><p>Marinette didn’t know where she was or what she was doing. Her entire mental state was in shambles as she looked around herself but stopped short when she saw the crumbling scene all around her. The sky was blood red, streaks of crimson lightning striking the sky as dark colored rain started falling from the clouds above. Thunder rumbled like a loud bomb going off close by and burned with the vengeance of a sleepless man that had a thirst to kill. It looked as if a thousand nukes have gone if in the sky, leaving it a sickly orange color as the intoxicating smell rained down on her restrained form.</p><p>Her bones were shaking. Every muscle in her body ached with a goal to make her even more terrified, as if the scenery wasn’t enough for blood bath in her mind. She could no longer feel a single soul out there, living, or even calling out to her. Nothing in her proximity, or even across the entire planet, seemed to be living, except for the sure fact of the nightmare her reality has become.</p><p>She couldn’t see what exactly she was looking at, rather she couldn’t tell where she was, or recognize it. She felt as if she were on top of a mountain with icy plates you could slip on if you weren’t too careful. Wind roared in her ears, whispering her failures to her as she strained against the things on her wrists, holding her down to the chair beneath her as she continued her struggle.</p><p>No matter how hard she pulled and fought against the things that were preventing her from being free, the restraints held her down like nothing else had done before.</p><p>The panic rising in her chest was like bile rising in her throat, threatening to choke her with her own air. Despite the horrid storm going on all around her, she was too focused on the storm raging inside herself. Her mind was foggy with terror, although despite it, there was nothing but the storm that threatened her. Her heart was racing in her chest, a tense grip of panic wrapped around her tiny, throbbing heart. Her ribs ached, her lungs rapidly expanding against them as she tried to remember how to breath against the toxic air. The water below the buildings slowly filling the streets was such a dark, crimson and black color; she couldn’t recognize it, if it was her treacherous waters that constantly roared in her mind, or the blood of the innocent that flowed thickly across the pavement from the body she just ripped open.</p><p>The innocent people<em> she</em> killed.</p><p>She suddenly heard footsteps, walking up behind her as they approached closer and closer. She stilled, listening to the steps closely, and quickly realized there was more than one, that all stopped behind her.</p><p>“Well,” said a dark, cold voice, walking up and around her from the left. He turned to her, pale blue eyes meeting hers in a cold stare. “This is certainly not how I thought it would end.”</p><p>The feathered white being was a close resemblance to her akumatized partner, whom she feared most, but this being seemed to emanate power, not the power of <em>him, </em>rather a dark dominance, unlike the other.</p><p>“But I’m not complaining,” he said, his voice terrifyingly quiet and calm. “This almost makes it easier.”</p><p>She didn’t know what he meant by that, but the reassuring coolness in his eyes resembled that of a dead man walking, frozen to death in the Arctic. His body was somehow still living, but his heart was as cold as ice.</p><p>“What?” she said, challenging the stranger. “To kill me?”</p><p>He huffed, “To kill you would be too simple and… boring.”</p><p>“Irrational,” said a new voice, and she whipped around to see an even more terrifying sight that stepped around her right.</p><p>“Stupid, even,” said Lady Miss Fortune, grinning her ears off with a black lip stained smile that burned into her mind. “It would be a pleasure to watch you die… slowly.”</p><p>A bolt of fear went down Marinette’s spine, and she suddenly wasn’t aware of the storm around her, more terrified of the storm that was coming her way.</p><p>“I’m already dying,” she said to the demon, pulling on the restrains again as more fear pulled at her insides. “I can feel it.”</p><p>“Oh, can you?” Lady Miss Fortune said, taking a step forward and crouching in front of her. She gave her a wicked smile that sent chills down Marinette’s spine. “Well, I’m glad you can predict your future,” she said, before standing again. “Because you don’t have that much of it left.”</p><p>“And the rest of it,” said another voice from behind her, a voice that she recognized. “Will be taken by <em>me</em>, and me alone.”</p><p>Footsteps came around her left, and she turned her head to look up and figure, only to find the most terrifying sight out of the other two before her.</p><p>“We’ve done this before,” Chat Blanc said, his icy blue eyes like glaciers that weren’t melting. “Only this time, you’re not going to win. You’re the one that’s tied down this time.”</p><p>The fear that had crawled into Marinette’s trembling body was breaking her heart as she stared at the three, terrifying figures. Each one of them had a certain trauma related to them, and the images that flashed in her mind continued to punch her in her heart like it was some punching bag. She could barely make herself look at them with Lady Miss Fortune’s wicked witch smile, with the white stranger’s icy stare, and Chat Blanc’s expressionless—<em>loveless</em>—face. It was merely breaking her to pieces.</p><p>“Aw, you scared?” Lady Miss Fortune teased, crouching in front of her once again. She chuckled lowly before harshly grabbing Marinette’s chin, making her cry out. “That’s good,” she said, her voice low and her eyes suddenly dark and serious. “You should be afraid of us, after all,” she said, standing and backing up while she held her terrified gaze. “You are your worst enemy.”</p><p>Chat Blanc suddenly stepped forward, grabbing her neck harshly and expelling the air out of her body, meeting her gaze heatedly and forcing her to look into his terrible eyes.</p><p>“You are the enemy,” he said, raising his other hand as she stared up at him in fear. “And the enemy must die.”</p><p>“No,” she forced out of her aching jaw. “No, no, NO!” She screamed, just as his clawed hand came slashing down on her face.</p><p>Marinette bolted upright, still screaming as the nightmare ended.</p><p>.               .               .</p><p>Her face was pale and serene at the same time, almost like her body had frozen from extreme temperatures and preserved her beautiful features, an unlikely sight as he stared at her still ghostly face. Even after the ugly situation she went through, the trauma she had faced, her radiance and her light never stopped gleaming. She was like a beckon to him, even in his or her darkest moments.</p><p>Adrien closed the book he was reading and set it down on the table, folding his fingers together before leaning forward on his knees, still staring at her.</p><p>Marinette had fallen asleep as soon as her friends took off from the hospital, him only returning a few minutes later after getting a bite to eat to find her fast asleep. She had been shivering, and he tucked the blanket around her shoulders and readjusted her hospital gown, so she’d be more comfortable.</p><p>She was completely passed out and was very aware of how cute she looked when she slept. Of course, he knew this, since he’s shared a bed with her before, but he’d never get tired of watching the worries and anxieties fall off her as she slept. She always looked so beautiful and at peace when she was sleeping, which he understood why she liked sleeping so much. It was like living in a dream landscape for a few hours before she returned to reality to live her life.</p><p>And knowing how heavy it got for her sometimes, he thanked whatever higher power there was for inventing sleep, because he was positive anyone would’ve gone insane by now with how crazy life gets.</p><p>As he stared at her, wondering if she was having a peaceful dream or not, and hating the fact that he couldn’t just reach into her mind and find out so he could pull her out, he couldn’t help but think long and hard. He usually took these rare moments of peace as she slept to make sure she stayed asleep, so that she could get the much-needed rest she deserved.</p><p>But as he continued to watch her, the more he wanted to wake her up. Her every growing pale face was looking more and more like she was not so much asleep, but dead. Lying there completely undisturbed by the outside world as if bustled and made a lot of noise. Even though her room was quiet and her door was closed, he could still hear the loud rumbling of carts moving past her door, carrying steel tools that rattled with the intent to wake up the entire floor.</p><p>He hated the way how she looked lifeless. The only thing keeping him from freaking out was the constant, steady beeping of the heart monitor and the rising and falling of her chest as quiet, shaky breaths continued to pass from her lips. She no longer had anything besides the heart monitors on her chest and torso, the several chords that carried fluids and drugs into her system finally have been taken out. He hated how the drugs made her sick, and despite how much he distrusted her own strong urges, he was glad that the last two days have been alright for her, especially since she was more calm around him.  </p><p>Except for the drugged and exhausted pale form of her body lying there completely limp, she looked peaceful and wonderous right now. Mostly because the worry lines in her eyebrows relaxed and the constant panic in her eyes had disappeared into the land of dreams. Allowing her body to relax for what seemed like the first time in hours; her mind seemed to be relaxing as well, which was a good thing.</p><p>Despite how beautiful and peaceful she looked in that moment, he noticed the change in her face. Her eyebrows furrowed only slightly, like she was confused of worried about something. Then her lips parted, and her breath hitched in a light gasp.</p><p>Adrien stood from his chair and carefully approached her, watching as her eyes moved around rapidly under her eyelids.</p><p>“Marinette?” he called quietly, stopping a foot away from her bed. “Are you awake?”</p><p>Her response was a panicked whine, rising from her throat a little too quickly as it suddenly became a frustrated sound.</p><p>He closed the distance between the bed and him just as she lurched forward. The sounds that escaped her lips were panicked whines and shouts, tears immediately flowing down her cheeks. She squeezed her eyes shut, even as he grabbed her wrists in case she tried to hurt herself or lash out at him. She didn’t like that at all, retaliating by thrashing in his grip, but he held fast.</p><p>“Marinette,” he called to her as she trembled in front of him. “Marinette, can you hear me?”</p><p>“Make it stop! Make it stop! <em>Make it stop!” </em>she cried desperately, making another whine as she rocked back and forth on the bed, squeezing her eyes shut.</p><p>“Hey whoa, whoa,” he said, rubbing his thumbs against the inside of her wrist as she fought him some more, but her fight slowly calmed. “You’re okay, you’re okay.”</p><p>“No,” she said, contorting her face and shaking her head rapidly. “No, no, they’re gonna kill me.”</p><p>“No, no, you’re safe, alright?” he said, watching her as she grew a confused look on her face, but she stopped fighting and just panted heavily.</p><p>She made a loud whimpering noise as she broke into heavy sobs, him shushing her gently as he leaned forward and pressed his forehead to hers.</p><p>“Hey, hey, you’re okay,” he said quietly, reaching out and gently taking her face in one hand, catching a tear as she looked up at him finally with tear streaked cheeks. “I’m right here darling,” he said, smiling at her as she stared at him.</p><p>She took a shaky breath before looking around the room with frantic, panicked eyes. “W-Where am I?”</p><p>“You’re still at the hospital, love,” he said, gently nudging her so he could look into her eyes. “You’re safe, alright?”</p><p>She stared at him for a long moment, her eyes studying him like she was trying to convince herself that he wasn’t a threat. He knew she sometimes needed a little time after her panic attacks to refocus and settle her crazy mind, and it was interesting and painful to watch as she organized herself.</p><p>She wouldn’t leave his eyes though and she was holding onto him just as tightly as he was holding onto her, like she was scared he was going to disappear.</p><p>“I-I’m safe?” she asked, her voice a whisper.</p><p>“Yeah, My Lady, you’re safe,” he reassured, taking her hand and guiding it to his chest, letting it rest over his heartbeat as it pounded against her hand.</p><p>She stared at it for a long time, taking a long minute to take in his heartbeat and realize that she was safe, and that this was real. After that long, intense minute her face contorted painfully and she released a shattering breath, pressing her palm more into his chest as she looked up at him with teary eyes.</p><p>“You’re real,” she said, her voice high pitched from her emotions pooling inside her.</p><p>He smiled at her, “Yeah, I’m real Princess.”</p><p>She sobbed once before she reached out to him, wrapping her arms around his torso as he straightened and returned the hug fiercely. He swayed her gently, a hand holding the back of her head gently as she started crying into his chest, her hands fisting the material of his t-shirt, but he didn’t mind. As long as she had someone to hold onto that kept her from slipping, he was alright with it.</p><p>He noticed the door to the little room opened a little bit and a nurse appeared there, holding the doorknob as she seemed to try and enter the room. But she had stopped in her tracks when she saw the scene, studying the crying girl on the bed before her eyes slowly drifted to him, giving him a wide-eyed look.</p><p>She seemed to ask a question in her eyes, tilting her head as she used her eyes to gesture at Marinette, waiting for an answer from him.</p><p>He shook his head at her before readjusting his grip on Marinette, holding her tighter and shushing her gently. He didn’t notice when the nurse had left, and when he raised his head to look at the doorway again, she was already gone.</p><p>It took her a few minutes to finally fall into silence, which he spent just holding her, whispering and shushing her, reminding her that he’s here and that she’s safe. Everything was going to work out, he didn’t know how well it was going to work out, but he knew he had to keep working to help her.</p><p>“You okay? What happened?” he asked, carefully untangling himself from her to look down and hold her face, watching her for an answer.</p><p>She sniffled and wiped some tears away, breathing through her mouth as her voice came out nasally from all the crying. “I’m okay. I just…” she shook her head, looking down as his fingers stroked her arm gently. She shivered, “Nightmare.”</p><p>Adrien dragged his fingers back up her arm as he stared down at her, tilting his head in concern. “Wanna talk about it?”</p><p>She hesitated before looking up at him slowly, a look in her eyes that said that’s the last thing she wanted to do.</p><p>“I can’t,” she said, looking down at her lap to avoid his eyes. “I shouldn’t.”</p><p>“Hey,” he said, lifting her chin back up to look into her eyes. “Who ever said that you shouldn’t?” he asked quietly.</p><p>She didn’t answer, instead she looked away from him.</p><p>His shoulders slumped, “Marinette—”</p><p>“I can’t, Ch-Adrien,” she said, catching herself before shaking her head and looking away.</p><p>His blood went cold, “You almost called me Chat,” he said, tilting his head to try and meet her eyes but she only turned her head further to the side. “Marinette.”</p><p>She shook her head and still refused to say anything.</p><p>He shook his head, “I thought we agreed you wouldn’t shut me out anymore.”</p><p>“I can’t tell you,” she said, looking back at him with fire in her eyes. “Adrien, if I tell you—”</p><p>“What’s the worst that could happen?” he asked gently, trying to keep himself restrained for her sake. “I know that it’s a struggle to open up to people for you, but you’ve gotta understand it’s not just for you.”</p><p>That’s when she looked back up at him with a slightly confused expression, so he continued.</p><p>“It’s for me to,” he said, reaching out and taking her hands, gently rubbing his thumbs over her knuckles and watching her shoulders slump as she relaxed. “It’s so I know how to help you, and so that you can learn to trust me with the hard stuff, so I can help you carry them.” He studied her face carefully as he paused for a moment, rubbing soothing circles around her knuckles as he held her gaze. “Was this a conversation meant for Chat Noir?”</p><p>She didn’t need to answer as she closed her mouth and her eyes hardened, giving him his answer.</p><p>“You don’t have to tell me,” he reassured, reaching up and stroking some hair from her face. “But remember, him and I are the same person; there’s no difference between us.” He hesitated, “Well, besides the cat ears, shiny leather and the lame cat puns.”</p><p>Her face broke out into a wet smile as she giggled at his lame joke, looking down at her lap as she slowly composed herself. He gave her a moment before she surprisingly spoke first, raising her eyes to meet his again.</p><p>“I think the lame cat puns still remain in both of you,” she said, smiling at him as another tear fell down her face.</p><p>He reached up and caught it, wiping it away with his thumb and smiling at her. “I won’t push you right now, but I wanna be here for you, and I don’t mind waiting until you’re ready to talk about it.”</p><p>Maybe she would have started talking, maybe she would have kept on rejecting him; he’d never know. Because at that precise moment as he stared down at her, watching her contemplate for maybe a full minute, the door suddenly flew open and startled to the two heroes as they looked up at the door.</p><p>“Mr. Agreste,” Dr. Thomas, the doctor that has been taking care of Marinette since he brought her in, stood at the entrance of the room with his hand on the doorknob and the nurse he saw earlier standing behind him.</p><p>Adrien glanced at Marinette for a moment before looking back up at the doctor. “Yes?”</p><p>“May I speak to you for a moment?” he said, his tone insinuating this wasn’t a request.</p><p>Adrien hesitated, looking back at the girl on the bed as she gently laid her hand on his arm, a protective gesture he recognized as his own.</p><p>“For?” he asked, turning back to the doctor.</p><p>Dr. Thomas glanced at Marinette before looking at him again. “Could you come outside for a moment?”</p><p>“Why?” Adrien pressed, not liking the idea of leaving Marinette alone without him.</p><p>“Just for a moment,” the doctor insisted again, using his head to gesture outside. “Colene will keep Marinette company until you get back.”</p><p>Colene, whom he assumed the nurse was, walked past the doctor and into the room, coming to a stop next to Marinette across from Adrien. She smiled warmly at the vulnerable girl there, and Adrien relaxed at her seemingly gentle and honest approach.</p><p>Adrien sighed before turning back to Marinette, smiling down at her as he leaned forward, pressing a gentle kiss to her temple before looking into her eyes again.</p><p>“I’ll only be a minute, alright?” he said, giving her a soft look.</p><p>She hesitated for a beat before nodding slowly, and he reached up and stroked her cheek comfortingly before leaving her side, walking around the bed, and following the doctor out into the hallway. They walked only few yards down the left side of the hallway, stopping between two other patient doors and a full room away from Marinette.</p><p>The doctor turned to him, rubbing his hand on his chin as he thought for a long moment. Adrien stood there awkwardly, trying to look casual as nurses, families and doctors walked past them, briskly bringing more carts full of tools and occasionally pushing someone in a wheelchair.</p><p>“How’d you do that?” Dr. Thomas finally said quietly, looking up at Adrien with a tired, expecting look.</p><p>Adrien gave him a confused look, glancing to the side warily before looking at him again. “D-Do what?”</p><p>“That,” the doctor pushed, bobbing his head behind him towards Marinette’s door. “Colene tells me you calmed her while she was having a panic attack,” he said, resting his hands on his hips. “I’ve only seen so many people do that. So, how’d you do it?”</p><p>Adrien hesitated, staring at the doctor with wide eyes as he processed the question with concentration. Everything around him seemed to stall while his situation sped up, his heart beating fast and hard in his chest while he stared at the doctor. How did he <em>do</em> it? He doesn’t know how he <em>did </em>it. All he knew in that moment was that she needed to calm down and that she needed reassurance, and lucky for him he seemed able to reach her. He wasn’t some wizard or anything like that, not even with the so to seemed radioactive kwami hiding in his shirt proved he, was in any way, special.</p><p>He just knew her. He knew what she liked. He knew her sweet spots on her body. He knew how much she liked physical touch and how much she sometimes hated it. He knew how stubborn she was. He knew how much she loved being Ladybug. He knew how her voice changed when she was panicked. He knew that she sometimes was crippled by her anxiety and fears and needed to be caught or held up in that moment. He knew she <em>needed </em>him with her in her worst moments. He knew she hated confrontation. He knew she hated being blamed or lied to. He knew her body reacted to pain and emotional distress differently. He knew she flinched when in pain and held it all in when her emotions attacked her. He knew when he needed to shut up, listen to her, or just sit with her in the dark of her apartment so that she could just come down from her panic.</p><p>And when she was in the midst of panic, clouded by the illusion that everything around her was going to hurt her, he knew she needed his touch. He knew that she needed him close and telling her it’s okay. He knew being physically intimate helped calm her and distract her from her out of control mind. He knew she liked stomach kisses in the dark and first dances to cheesy music. He knew her little gasps that meant she was turned on. He knew the way her body worked. He knew when to hold her and when to give her space. He knew how to bring her out of a blackout, to continue pushing her to the edge so that she can fall right into his arms.</p><p>There are so many ways he could describe how well he knew her, but there isn’t a book in the world that could hold all the infinite reasons.</p><p>“I don’t know, I just…” he said, finally coming out of his stupor and looking at the doctor with a hesitant look. “I just… know what she needs.”</p><p>Dr. Thomas stared at him before shaking his head in astonishment, the moment stretching to an uncomfortable length of time. “Amazing,” is what the middle-aged man finally muttered.</p><p>“Past trauma?” the doctor asked quietly, pulling Adrien’s attention away from the very interesting floor.</p><p>He momentarily lived in the past, watching as a blade was forced through her body, watching as she fell into his arms, and watching as the life drained from her eyes in a slow, long drag.</p><p>“Yeah,” he said, shaking his head to rid the memories. “Something like that.”</p><p>Dr. Thomas nodded, “Noted,” he said, sighing heavily before resting his hands on his hips. “She’s had it rough then, huh?”</p><p>Adrien’s expression fell as well as his voice. “More than she deserves.”</p><p>The doctor nodded and looked down for a moment, thinking as the two fell into silence for a long moment.</p><p>“I wasn’t the doctor that treated her several years ago,” Dr. Thomas said, making Adrien look up. “But it looks like on her record she’s had a suicide attempt before?”</p><p>Adrien nodded, “When she was eighteen or nineteen, I can’t remember which.” He looked down, shame washing over him like a great, powerful river. “I… I wasn’t with her at the time.”</p><p>“So, she relapsed,” the doctor concluded, a heaviness to his voice as he shifted his feet. “From her paperwork, it seemed like last time was… I don’t want to say easier, but this time looks worse than last. She never tried to hurt herself in the hospital.”</p><p>Adrien sighed, “She’s the kind of person that buries it all,” he said, shaking his head. “I think this time she finally just… broke.”</p><p>“I can see that,” the doctor said, his voice also low and heavy. “She’ll need help, and a lot of prayers to. She’s strong, she just doesn’t see it yet.”</p><p>Adrien smiled lightly, “Couldn’t agree more.”</p><p>The doctor gave him an encouraging smile before studying him carefully, his eyes analyzing like some high-tech robot looking for diseases.</p><p>“I’ve never seen someone take the approach you did,” he said, giving him a nod. “It was interesting to watch.”</p><p>Adrien only glanced to the side awkwardly and said nothing.</p><p>“Thanks, son,” the doctor said, patting his shoulder before turning away from him and walking down the hall, disappearing into the crowd.</p><p>And Adrien was left standing there, wondering that was all about.</p><p>.               .               .</p><p>“I don’t want you to leave.”</p><p>Adrien looked back at her, glancing down at the hand clasping his fingers tightly just as he was turning to do exactly what she forbad him to do. Leave.</p><p>He smiled before fully turning around again, leaning forward and pecking her lightly on the forehead before bringing her in a tight embrace, wrapping her tiny body around his. She was honestly like a clingy monkey that needs attention constantly and wants nothing to do but climb all over him and cuddle in his arms.</p><p>Considering this little monkey was Marinette, he wouldn’t mind that.</p><p>He sighed and rubbed her back, “I don’t wanna leave either, love,” he said, cupping the back of her neck gently and rocking her back and forth. “But I have to or else they won’t let me come back to see you.”</p><p>She was quiet a moment, hugging him tighter and fisting his shirt again, pushing her face into the cotton.</p><p>“I know,” she said, pouting like a five-year-old while she leaned back to look at him, bringing her arms back to her lap. “But I still don’t like it,” she said quietly, looking down and worrying her lip.</p><p>He stared at her for a long moment, studying the gentle features across her face. Her expression was saddened and pouty, and otherwise adorable, but he could tell through the silliness there was sincerity. He loved that she wanted him to stay, it made him feel needed.  But he also knew he couldn’t see her without the rules, and if it weren’t for the rules, he would have been with her the whole time. But unfortunately, he had to follow them if he wanted to continue seeing her.</p><p>He reached out to her and gently took her chin, lifting it so he could look into her beautiful blue eyes that seemed to reflect all light and sky.</p><p>“You’ll be okay,” he said, leaning forward and gently kissing her forehead. He looked down at her before pressing his forehead to hers, looking into her eyes until she closed them to contain her emotions. “I’ll come back tomorrow, okay love?”</p><p>She opened her eyes and stared at him for a bit, her lips turned down in a frown that clearly stated she hated this. He was feeling the same thing, being separated from her was the worse thing ever. But he kept his eyes soft and let the sourness of the situation flow off his body for her sake. She needed him to be soft and gentle right now.</p><p>She sighed heavily before meeting his eyes with hesitance, emotions swimming in her eyes along with the tears she refused to believe were there. “Okay,” she finally said quietly.</p><p>He smiled at her, proud at how strong she was at least trying to be, even if she didn’t feel like it. He leaned forward, giving her a gentle reward kiss on the lips, letting it linger only for a few seconds before he literally had to force himself off her. He hated not being near her, and he hated not being able to see her and touch her and make sure she was okay.</p><p>Rules, by all means, can go suck a—</p><p>The door suddenly flung open in the familiar way as Dr. Thomas walked into the room, followed by Colene, the nurse, and Marinette’s mom and dad. Tom and Sabine filed into the room slowly, their faces sunken in and swollen from obvious crying and worrying. Their eyebrows were thinned into hard lines, like they had been doing some serious thinking and talking.</p><p>Marinette sat up in bed, “Mom? What’s going on?”</p><p>Sabine took a moment to reply, not meeting her daughter’s eyes for a long time before slowly turning to look at her for a moment. Then, she met Adrien’s eyes, and a flash of worry crossed her gaze that made his stomach churn anxiously.</p><p>“We’re gonna decide where to go from here,” she said, reaching out and stroking her daughter’s hair gently. Her voice was cracked and shattered, like she was anticipating the worst.</p><p>Adrien looked at Sabine curiously, “What do you mean?”</p><p>“Alright,” Dr. Thomas said, pulling out a clipboard from his hand and then clicking a pen open before looking up at the four, then noticed Adrien. “Mr. Agreste, this is a family matter, visiting hours are over so if you kindly—”</p><p>“I’m gonna stay,” he said, wrapping an arm around Marinette’s shoulders and eyeing the doctor.</p><p>The doctor’s mouth twitched upwards, like he was fighting off a smile before looking back down at the clipboard. “Alright, fine,” he said, in a not so irritated way. “If you must, I suppose you can stay.” He then went silent for a good thirty seconds as he wrote down a few things, Colene remaining silent at his side.</p><p>“There are a few options we can explore, obviously Mr. and Mrs. Dupain-Cheng have a heard a few, and have yet to make a decision…?” The statement sounded more like a question as he eyed the older couple with a patient stare.</p><p>“We don’t know,” Sabine said hoarsely, shaking her head. “We wanted Marinette to be apart of this decision and I guess—” she stopped, looking at Adrien with a small smile. “Having him here would be good… and another opinion would be nice to have.”</p><p>“Good, good,” the doctor said, nodding encouragingly at them. “So, I figured we should go through a few of the places I’ve found…”</p><p>“Places?” Marinette questioned, just as Adrien’s heart dropped.</p><p>“The mental institutions in America are highly rated and best fitted for your daughter, but if you prefer to keep her closer, the closest one is in England that is still up and running,” he said, picking up some brochures and passing them to her parents. “Clarification, these are not like the horror stories you’ve heard in movies or in books, they are real mental hospitals that treat their patients with kindness and therapy, constantly aware of them, and being careful that they have nothing in their possession that could harm them.” He held his clipboard in one arm as he continued, “Although, their methods are not harmful, it does not mean that that in some situations you will be uncomfortable. For example, Marinette, in your case, you’re not allowed to be in a locked room by yourself, or shower for a long period of time before they require you to get out, while a female guard stands and waits with you.”</p><p>Adrien glanced at Marinette beside him, and he could see her face paling.</p><p>“These places can get scary, but I assure you that they are not meant to be scary,” the doctor tried to reassure, but his whole shower bit had really made Adrien’s blood turn to ice. “They’re meant to reform your mind in order for you to slowly heal and reshape your way of thinking, so you’re not so drawn to self-harm. Some patients that leave the facility leave fully recovered, but most that do finally leave, come out as completely different people.”</p><p>Adrien felt his spine go rigid as he raised his hand halfway to get the doctor’s attention. “They leave as completely different people, you said, what exactly does that mean?”</p><p>The doctor nodded, “Coming back from a suicide attempt changes you, but going to a mental institute to make a full recovery without such a high risk of relapsing is different. The mental hospitals are meant to reshape your thinking and your mind. They could turn a completely aggressive drug dealer to a kind, noble follower of Jesus with he right treatment, but that’s an example of course.” He sighed as he gave Colene the clipboard and pen, holding onto one of his wrists front of him. “It’s usually an option when… when you’re nervous about the other route.”</p><p>Adrien lifted an eyebrow, but Tom asked the question before he got to. “And the other option is…?”</p><p>The doctor turned to Marinette’s father, “Take her home, make sure she takes her pills, keep her room door open. Always being aware of her and her movements, making sure she’s okay while she goes to a therapist here. It’s the harder route, but this way you can keep her close and under your eyes.”</p><p><em>The second one, </em>he said, hating the idea of Marinette being alone in a mental institute with only doctors and people that couldn’t help her or be there for her.</p><p>Maybe sometimes it was a good option, but he knew her, and he knew she wouldn’t speak up for herself, but he knew she wanted to stay here, with her family, her friends… him.</p><p>Tom and Sabine started discussing it with the doctor hesitantly, asking questions while he answered, while Marinette sat on her bed, her face blank as she stared at nothing.</p><p>“Hey,” he said gently, nudging her arm a little, which made her come out of her daze and slowly look up at him. “I’m not letting you go, okay? I know you, and I know you don’t like the idea of being away from the city that long.”</p><p>She stared at him, before nodding at him, confirming what he said.</p><p>“I’m not leaving,” he said, taking her hands gently and rubbing her knuckles. “I’ll keep you near me, okay? Whatever it takes. I promise.”</p><p>She nodded at him again, before her eyes welled up and she opened her mouth to speak. “Adrien, I don’t wanna go,” she whispered, taking shattering breaths.</p><p>He shushed her gently and pressed his forehead to hers, letting her calm down in his presence. He knew he couldn’t do much about whatever they decided, but he also knew he was Chat Noir and that he could slip in here in the middle of the night and sneak her away. He hated the idea of freaking out a bunch of people, and he most likely would have to tell their parents that she was alright if it came to that. But that was a last resort, the first thing to try was to convince them that she should stay.</p><p>“She can’t go,” Adrien suddenly blurted, the room suddenly going dead silent from his claim.</p><p>The doctor eyed him specifically, regarding him in, not a cold way, but rather in an interested way that had Adrien feeling almost threatened.</p><p>“And why not?” Dr. Thomas questioned, raising an eyebrow.</p><p>Well, if only Adrien had a valid reason that could convince them.</p><p>Well, he did, it just might not sound all that promising to her parents or the doctor.</p><p>He reached out and took Marinette’s hand, lacing their fingers together and looking down at her with a small, promising smile.</p><p>“Because I promised her, I’d stay,” he said, squeezing her fingers reassuringly.</p><p>The doctor smiled like he was talking to a naïve little boy. “Son, with all due respect—”</p><p>“You are <em>not</em> my father,” Adrien snapped, the room going cold at the mention of the evil man that still seemed to haunt his days. “So, don’t go and call me <em>son</em> when you’re talking about sending <em>My Lady </em>away from me.”</p><p>Dr. Thomas is surprised by the snap in Mr. Agreste’s voice, because for a second, he sounded as cold as his namesake.</p><p>But the doctor smiled, not wickedly, almost like he was… proud?</p><p>“Very well,” he said, folding his hands in front of him again. “The best thing to do is keep her in a place she’s never been to before or rarely has been to. The new environment will cause an inspiration to change, and most likely keep out most of the bad memories and less triggered panic attacks.” He finally landed his eyes on Marinette with sympathetic eyes. “So, unfortunately, that subtracts your apartment and anywhere else you’ve harmed yourself.”</p><p>Marinette gulped loudly, before nodding slowly. Obviously, she was getting tired of this conversation.</p><p>“She could…” Adrien trailed off, glancing at Marinette than at her parents, hesitance in his voice as he slowly forced out his suggestion. “She could… stay with me?” he offered, looking at her parents again with questioning eyes. “If that’s alright with you.”</p><p>Sabine looked up at her husband and for a moment, they both seemed wary at the idea. They turned to each other, making eye contact as they had a deep, insistent conversation through just their expression.</p><p>They considered for a long time before turning back to the rest, settling their gentle, loving gazes on their daughter, whose eyes were welling up.</p><p>“Marinette is an adult,” Sabine claimed, glancing at Adrien again, her eyes holding some form of gratitude. “I think she should decide.”</p><p>Marinette stared at her parents for a long time while Adrien held his breath. All he wanted was for her to stay in Paris, if she gets to stay with him that’s a bonus, but whatever is best for her is what he wants.</p><p>He watched her as she scanned the room slowly, pulling her gaze from her parents, momentarily glancing at Dr. Thomas and Colene, before finally turning her gaze towards him.</p><p>They stayed like that for a long time, having a slowly forming understanding pass between them, before he felt the gentle brush of her fingertips. Then, her hand was slipping into his, grabbing onto him with a shaky, but sure grip.</p><p>“I’ll go with him,” she said, looking back at the doctor.</p><p>Dr. Thomas smiled at her, “Alright,” he said, before he took the clipboard and pen from Colene and started writing things down. When he finished, he tucked it under his arm and looked back at Adrien. “We’ll keep her overnight for one more observation, and if she does well, she can leave with you in the morning.”</p><p>Adrien felt relief crash down on him as burdens fell off his shoulders like a falling sheet in the morning. He knew it wasn’t going to be easy, taking care of her, but he was willing. He knew her, and he knew what she needed and what she liked.</p><p>And it just so happened, <em>he </em>was exactly what she needed and liked.</p><p>Scratch that.</p><p>He was whom she <em>needed </em>and <em>loved. </em></p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>lowkey think i used "whom" wrong in that last sentence but whatever lol, i wrote this late at night with like 4 hours of sleep tho. </p><p>Hope you guys enjoyed! I'm almost done writing Afterglow, and once I am, updates will be happening more often, so that's exciting! </p><p>Also, be on the lookout for the announcement at the end of Afterglow, it will be in the notes and I will be posting all over my Instagram. @being_happy_official</p><p>much love!<br/>~happt</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0033"><h2>33. The Start</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Chat Noir pulls an all nighter, Marinette leaves the hospital, and Adrien has a revealing conversation with Marinette's father.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Warnings: Implied Suicide Attempt, Triggered Anxiety/Panic Attacks, Flashbacks of Traumatic Scenes, Blood Warning.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chapter 33: The Start</p><p> </p><p>Adrien hated facing truths. Especially when he felt like he’s already faced it. But as he stood in front of that wooden door, the midnight silence in the hallway of the quiet apartment haunting, he couldn’t see a single reason why he should face this fear again.</p><p>Having been unsuccessful at sleep, he had shaken a sleeping Plagg awake to fly over the city at one am. It was innocent frolicking at first, satisfied by the dry, shivering air it gave him when he sucked it into his lungs, trying to, for once, let go of the promising anxiety waiting for him back home. But as fate would have it, he levelled his eyes, shook his head, and bounded across the rooftops towards the familiar street with one thought in mind.</p><p>
  <em>I am the most pathetic, annoying and irresponsible Chat Noir there ever will be. </em>
</p><p>Maybe it was the stench of the quiet air, the streets remaining lifeless even at the wakeful hour Paris usually was in. At one am, it was normal to watch a car buzzing through the streets, being careful not to honk their horn as to wake the angry neighbors with sleeping babies. It was the City of Lights, which means to him, City of <em>Life. </em>He liked when people walked around in the middle of the night during his late-night outings. It made him feel less alone.</p><p>But with the crumbled buildings and the screaming protests of the still out of control civilians, demanding the head of his fellow partner after she ruined the city… he hated to admit, but the City of Lights had gone dim. No one in the streets walked with a midnight craving for the stars and depressing music. No cars drove quietly along the road, their music lowered to a quiet whisper as to put a soft feel for the early morning. Even the unexpected drunks left alone the nice lady—the only apparent human beings in sight—walking across the street with a skirt a little too tight, walking briskly away from the alley the men rested in. But she need not worry, Chat Noir was watching, but the drunks didn’t know that, and yet they remained still, staring into the blackness of the alleyway.</p><p>Everything around him had gone silent, except for the hollow crumbling in the distance of a building that has yet to fall completely.</p><p>He usually expected the unexpected.</p><p>But he hated unexpected visitors.</p><p>Which is why he hated himself.</p><p>He wasn’t even expecting to arrive at her place.</p><p>But he did, and so there he was. Detransformed, somehow feeling like being civil and not break through her window tonight. And <em>standing there </em>like some romanticized <em>rom-com idiot</em> waiting for his lovebug to open up the door and tell him to <em>get out of the rain</em>.</p><p>He really, <em>really </em>hated himself at the moment.</p><p>Because, for one, there was a solid, not so solid roof hanging above his head, about ready to cave in from God knows what.</p><p>And two…</p><p>He was, by all means, the biggest romantic of his time.</p><p>His lovebug wasn’t in there.</p><p>But what he needed was.</p><p>Adrien reached out quietly to the door, grimacing at the harsh squeak it made after he opened it only a foot. He cringed the whole way through opening the door, finally opening it wide enough to slip his huge body through the crack between the door and the frame. He closed the door with a satisfying click, before turning back to the very place he didn’t want to be in.</p><p>He liked Marinette’s apartment, he did, he just… hated the dreary, ghostly feel to it. It felt like someone had died and came back to life here.</p><p>He shivered,<em> technically, someone has. </em></p><p>He pushed the thought away, feeling anxiety creep through his bones as he scanned the apartment, feeling like someone else was in there. The moonlight filtered through the glass of her window, the curtains moving from what he assumed was a vent below them since no window was open. It was messy, the countertop was filled with dirty dishes and a couple sheets of paper. Mostly drawings and notes for some schoolwork or design ideas. The floorboards beneath him creaked eerily, and he made a mental note to try and make as little noise as possible, mostly for his sake.</p><p>He hesitantly stepped forward, feeling his kwami squirm uncomfortably in his shirt, grumbling to himself about some cheese and beauty sleep. He ignored the creature and continued to move deeper into the apartment, stopping just behind the couch and seeing the blanket he used to cuddle her with all those nights ago.</p><p>He then slowly shifted his gaze to the left, looking down the even darker hallway that lead to her more personal areas. He hesitantly stepped forward, and as soon as he passed the threshold of the hallway, he saw the damaged door.</p><p>It was only cracked, the light left on from all those nights ago. The foot imprint near the doorknob allowed light to pass into the hallway and shine on some part of the wall across from the door. He stopped in front of it, admiring his handwork in the most distasteful way because… it brought back the flashbacks.</p><p>Without warning, several positions of Marinette and Ladybug alike flooded his vision. Gallons upon gallons of blood completely filling the cracks in the concrete, clogging up the drains and making the city glow in the most unholy way. He watched as blade after blade, all different kinds, short, long, razors, swords, cutting up her body and forcing the blood from her tiny figure like a vacuum.</p><p>The images caused a widespread panic to erupt in his body, and he squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head violently, trying to force the images out. He panted for a few moments, noticing the way his heartbeat could be heard in his ears and the adrenaline had already kicked in before he cut it off. Instead he reminded himself that she was safe, <em>alive, </em>and maybe not well, but she will be, eventually.</p><p>With shaky hands, Adrien reached out and cautiously pushed the door open. The broken pieces of the wood fell off the door and onto the ground, joining the woodchips already down there. It swung open slowly, gently hitting the wall behind it and stopped.</p><p>Adrien’s heart dropped all over again, the harsh rich color staining the whiteness and purity of the room. It was the same panicked feeling he had gotten the day of, watching in horror as the blood drained quickly out of her body. It was subdued, mostly because he didn’t see her there like she had been before. Lifeless, pale, and completely broken upon the torturous sight, a sight that looked downright sinful and completely horrid.</p><p>He swallowed thickly, before turning his back on the scene and walking carefully down the hall, pulling open a small closet just across from Marinette’s bedroom. He pulled out several rags and cleaning supplies, soft scrub, paper towels, and Clorox wipes. He made his way back to the bathroom, bracing himself again for the horrid sight, and was right to do so. He paused at the door, stared at the red tinted water, before gulping and walking into the bathroom, pushing all his memories and false realities into the back of his mind.</p><p>For a solid hour, he washed, rinsed, cleansed, and scrubbed down the bathroom, making sure to rid every crimson stain that somehow avoided all his angered cleaning. He first reached into the red water and pulled the drain up, listening to the water immediately start falling down the drain. He watched as the water left a red tint to the sides of the tub, and this it where he began. Wetting the tub once again, he waited till there was a good amount of fresh water to work with before he dropped some soft scrub onto the tinted surface. Luckily, the red stain came off easily, and within only ten minutes, the tub was sparkling clean.</p><p>He then cleaned the floor with Clorox wipes, ridding all the blood droplets into the chemical wipe before tossing it. He cleaned off her counter, finding other small dabs of red on top before easily wiping them off. Finally, he threw away the bloodied razor and poured more soft scrub into the sink and scrubbed some more, finding an alarming amount of blood in there.</p><p>There was nothing he could do about the door except replace it eventually, so he just left it as is as he finally exited the bathroom. His watch told him it was just past two am, and he was still wide awake. He was supposed to do this early the next morning with Marinette, but he didn’t like the idea of her coming back here any time soon.</p><p>He walked down the hallway and rounded into her room, immediately finding an average sized duffle bag in the corner of her room. He proceeded to fill it with her essentials, finding her drawers and tossing undergarments inside along with sweatpants, comfortable shirts, one zip up sweater, socks, and pajamas. He walked back to the bathroom and looked under the sink, finding her toiletries bag with all the essentials in it she needed. He then grabbed her shampoo and conditioner from the shower and put it in the duffle bag.</p><p>As he looked back under the sink to look for more things she might need, he noticed the boxes stacked to the top of her cupboard that had a wide assortment of colors. He reached out and took one, noticing immediately that it was empty, then proceeded to notice that most of them were empty, except for one single box that was only half full of the little packages he was looking for.</p><p>“I’ll just buy her some later,” he said to himself, noting the main brand she used for her pads and the colors of the tampons she liked to use. He noticed she mostly bought the medium sized ones for everything and committed that to memory before snapping a picture of a few of the boxes just in case.</p><p>He might be over thinking this, but he didn’t know how long she was going to stay with him. And if it so happens that time of the month came around while she was staying with him, he wanted to make sure she was ready for it.</p><p>He hated the idea of her being in pain, and he made a mental note to buy some pain killers while he was at the store as well.</p><p>He found her phone plugged in by her bed and he tossed it in the bag along with her charger, as well as a small sketch book in case she got bored and wanted to do some of that magic she does. He finished all this in about thirty minutes, since he wanted to be thorough and make sure he had everything.</p><p>Finally, after checking and double checking that he had everything for her, he left the duffle bag, closed and ready in the kitchen before he went on his last hunt of the night. He knew she’d want to have it near her, considering how protective and secretive she was of the thing. He searched for another thirty minutes before he came into her room again, looking under her desk, behind her dresser, he even tried to pull up some floorboards that wouldn’t budge.</p><p>He finally found it when he lifted the blanket from the floor and onto her bed, seeing behind a wall of clothes and old shoes the red polka dotted oval like object.</p><p>Adrien grunted as he pulled the surprisingly heavy box out from under the bed, admiring the soft glow and hum it gave off. Holding the Miracle Box in one hand, he reached for her pillow and ripped off the pillowcase with the other. He slid the opening over the smooth surface before lifting it up by the excess fabric he didn’t need. He could have just carried it, but he didn’t want any prying eyes looking at him with curious expressions, especially if his enemies were out tonight.</p><p>He was about to leave the room when he spotted some kind of fluffy mass on the floor, wedged between the leg of her desk and the side of her bed. He reached out and pushed on the mattress to free the thing, before he grabbed it and pulled it from its trap.</p><p>It was an adorable teddy bear with tan fur, a red beanie on its head along with a matching red sweater with blue and green strips going across its chest. It felt really soft and looked really adorable, and he smiled down at it with the reminder of innocence that warmed in his chest.</p><p>Without thinking much more about it, he took it with him, along with the Miracle Box wrapped in a pillowcase. He stuffed the teddy bear in the bag before zipping it again and throwing it over his shoulder. He double checked everything in his head, remembering everything she needed for the time being before walking slowly to the door, a bag on his shoulder and an oddly shaped pillow in the other.</p><p>He left the apartment after that, making a quick stop at the pharmacy to grab some painkillers then going to the grocery store. After a long and terribly embarrassing conversation with a sleep deprived woman behind the counter, he finally found his direction and entered the women’s aisle. And after what seemed like years of searching, he found the brand she liked and bought one large box of medium pads, her brand of tampons and a box of panty liners to because apparently those were <em>essential. </em></p><p>He bought some more casual things, more food, ice cream, some playful things he thought she might like, and this adorable cute straw pair that was Ladybug and Chat Noir themed, and he bought it on impulse.</p><p>Again running the numbers in his head, he tried to think of anything he could have forgotten, and after the final anxiety attack and final reassurance from Plagg that he got everything, he left the store with a full cart.</p><p>By the time he finally finished with all his shopping, it was almost three am, which gave him enough time to get a coffee and head back to his place to drop off the duffle he made for Marinette and the things he had bought. He hung out at his place for about an hour and a half before he got back in his car, with a bag full of clothes, and headed to the hospital.</p><p>It was 4:30 am in the morning when he pulled into the parking lot of the hospital, finding it surprisingly occupied with only a few cars holding spots. He had no trouble finding a spot near the entrance though.</p><p>Despite the hour and no sleep on his clock, Adrien was wide awake, energized by the fact he would be seeing Marinette in about thirty minutes and the caffeine running through his veins. He waited patiently though, even though he wasn’t supposed to be there for another thirty minutes. He was eager, but also had the strange urge to go see his lady right this second.</p><p>He ignored it though, thinking it was just his eagerness.</p><p>But when the clock finally did strike five am, he jumped out of his car and walked as fast as he could towards the entrance, feeling anxious and eager to see the lady beyond the walls.</p><p>.               .               .</p><p>Adrien had a paper bag in his hand, filled with clothes he thought she might want to change into on the way over to his place. In his other hand, he held a smaller paper bag that was white and had the hospital name on it and it felt like two containers of pills were tucked inside. His heartbeat pounded in anticipation as he made his way down the first level hallway. Once he reached the elevator, he stepped in with a bunch of other people before pushing the button of the floor number she was on, and it lifted the rest of the way up.</p><p>There were three stops along the way, which were agonizingly long, but he tried to keep his knee from bobbing anxiously under him.</p><p>When the elevator finally did land on her floor, he walked briskly from it and down the hallway, dodging many nurses and patients as he moved towards the room he wanted to be in. He eagerly reached the door and immediately pushed it open, feeling his muscles relax when she turned her exhausted eyes towards him.</p><p>“Hey,” he said softly, slowly moving to the other side of the bed. He tossed the two bags on the chair in the corner before he reached out and cupped her cheek gently. He studied her face and noticed the hollowed-out look in her gaze, dark bags of skin under her eyes and the slight tremble of her body.</p><p>“Hi,” she said hoarsely, smiling at him despite the amount of pain she looked like she was in.</p><p>He reached up and stroked some hair out of her face, staring down at her in concern. “You okay? You look awful.”</p><p>She leaned into his touch and closed her eyes, “I just feel really sick. I didn’t sleep much last night.”</p><p>He gently let his knuckle trace her jaw, and she hummed at the gentle gesture. “Well,” he said, taking her hand. “Let’s just get you outta here so you can sleep back at my place.”</p><p>She nodded, “Okay.”</p><p>He whispered kind things to her for a few more minutes to try and keep her awake, drawing some lame jokes just to make her smile or giggle. His heart soared whenever he was able to make her laugh, so he continued with his gentle touches and their shared intimacy of being close.</p><p>After a few minutes, the door opened finally and Marinette’s parents entered the room, looking grim, worried, and if he was being honest, they looked like a mess.</p><p>But when he thought about, he figured he couldn’t look much better himself.</p><p>“She’s all checked out,” Tom said, his voice coming out forced.</p><p>Adrien nodded, “Great, thanks,” he said, before turning around and taking the larger bag from the chair. He set it on her legs which were covered by a blanket. “Why don’t you change into these?” he suggested gently. “They’ll be more comfortable.”</p><p>She stared at him for a moment before tentatively reaching for the paper bag, hesitantly open the slip, the sound crinkling from her movement. She looked inside for a moment before looking back at him with slight disbelief in her eyes.</p><p>“Did you go to my apartment and get me these?” she asked, gesturing at herself.</p><p>He smiled at her, “Of course,” he said, reaching out to her and taking the bag from her hand and taking out the clothes for her, laying them on her legs and then tossing the bag to the side. “I’ve got you covered. There’s a bag filled with all your stuff waiting for you at my place.”</p><p>She stared at him for a long moment in disbelief, before her face morphed into a warm expression as her lips stretched into a small smile.</p><p>“Thank you,” she said quietly.</p><p>He smiled at her, “You’re welcome.”</p><p>Her mother stepped up to the bed and planted a gentle kiss to her hair before looking into her daughter’s eyes while hers welled up with tears.</p><p>“We’ll wait outside for you two,” she said, giving Adrien one last approving nod before she took her husband’s hand and walked outside, pulling the door shut behind them.</p><p>He looked up at Marinette, who was staring at the clothes for a moment before she looked up and met his gaze as well.</p><p>“I don’t think I can stand on my own,” she said shyly, looking down like she was embarrassed.</p><p>He smiled and reached out to her, taking her hands and meeting her eyes when she finally did look up at him. “It’s okay, I can help you.”</p><p>She nodded before taking a deep breath and tossing the blanket off her body, returning her hands to his to steady herself before Adrien gently tugged on her arms. She stood up by herself, her legs wobbling underneath her and her eyes closing as the blood rushed to her head. Her dizziness lasted a few seconds, and she took those moments to breath and close her eyes, most likely trying her very best not to pass out.</p><p>“I’m so tired,” she whined quietly, rolling her head around before Adrien caught it and made her look at him.</p><p>“I’m sorry, Princess,” he said, before taking her hip gently to catch her in case she fell. “You’ll get to rest soon, I promise.”</p><p>She only nodded and leaned more into his touch.</p><p>“You wanna change now?” he asked softly.</p><p>She nodded back at him.</p><p>Adrien gently took her shoulders and twisted her around so that she faced away from him. He found the back of the hospital gown completely showing her entire spine, with two strings holding it together just below the back of her neck and her lower back.</p><p>“I’m gonna take this off now, okay?” he said quietly, watching her as she nodded her head in response.</p><p>He delicately undid the little bows the strings made to hold the gown on her. When they came undone, Adrien gulped loudly before gently taking either side of the now freed fabric and pulled it over her shoulders. She still had these little shorts on that looked really uncomfortable as they stick to her legs from the heat of the room.</p><p>Other than that, her entire torso was bare, and he studied the line of her spine very carefully. He followed the straight bone structure all the way down her back, stopping when it dipped below her shorts.</p><p>He hesitantly looked back up at the back of her head, noticing the way her hair was tied up in a messy bun, most likely kept there from all the vomiting she’s been doing.</p><p>He forced himself to move and he reached to the bed, finding the black bra he packed earlier and holding it in his hands delicately, like he was going to break it.</p><p>He stepped up right behind her and kissed her ear, making her hum at the contact before he spoke.</p><p>“I’ll help you put your bra on, alright?” he asked, more permission rather than a statement.</p><p>She nodded back at him, and he reached under her arms with both his hands, holding the article of clothing in front of her. Her hands rested over his, and he tried not to jump in the heat of the moment when she helped him place the pads right over her breasts. She held the bra in place as best she could so he could slip around the fabric to the back again, holding each clasp in hand before clasping them together. He rested the clasp against her back gently, being careful not to pull back and snap it against her skin.</p><p>He then gently took her shoulders and turned her around again, finding the straps to her bra have yet to go over her shoulders.</p><p>“Here,” he whispered, taking the strap and widening it so she could slip her arm through, before doing the same to the other arm.</p><p>“You’re doing great, love,” he said, noticing the way how her eyes were welling up. She looked so fragile in that moment he took a moment to touch her cheek, bringing her gaze to his and smiling gently at her. “Almost there, love,” he said quietly.</p><p>She only nodded before taking a deep breath, her body trembling a little as she exhaled.</p><p>He shushed her gently and kissed her forehead before reaching over and taking the shirt with some old band on it and ripped off sleeves and helped slip it over her head. One of her arms eventually got stuck, and the bandages that still remained on her arms almost got torn off when she tried to struggle out of the hold.</p><p>“Hey, whoa, it’s okay,” he cooed, gently laying his hand on the arm that was trapped. “I’ve got it,” he reassured, before pulling the shirt more open and helping her arm out of its trap.</p><p>“Can you hold me up for a second?” she asked softly when both her arms were free.</p><p>He nodded, “Of course,” he whispered back, before taking her arms and resting them over his, letting her fingers wrap around his forearms for stability. She leaned on him, pressing her forehead against his as he watched her close her eyes and steady herself. Her breathing was hitched and shallow, and he could tell she was ready to pass out and sleep for a long time.</p><p>“I’m okay,” she whispered eventually, pulling herself a little away from the closeness to look into his eyes.</p><p>He nodded, looking back at her. “Okay.”</p><p>Getting the shorts off her was easy, and he made sure to avert his eyes for her sake as she held onto his shoulders with one hand at a time to get her underwear on. Getting the grey sweats he packed for her on was trickier, seeing as once she stepped into it, her foot slipped out from under her and she nearly fell back. Luckily, Adrien was holding her lower back at the time, and so he easily caught her and steadied a slightly panicked Marinette back on her feet.</p><p>She easily calmed before she shakily helped him get the sweats up past her waist, him tying the string there to keep them up.</p><p>He bent to one knee as she sat on the chair and put her shoes and socks on for her, tying the laces with double knots and making sure they wouldn’t trip her.</p><p>“Alright,” he said, sighing heavily.</p><p>He bent down and grabbed the hospital gown and shorts off the ground before tossing them back on the bed. He took the last article of clothing off of the bed, a light zip up sweater he packed only a few hours ago. He helped her slip it on before he took her hands and helping her to her feet, ready to catch her in case she fell forward on him. He held her hands between them, staring into her exhausted eyes for anything he should be aware of. When he saw nothing he could deal with right now, he squeezed her hands and spoke.</p><p>“Let’s get you outta here, yeah? You wanna leave?” he asked softly.</p><p>She nodded eagerly and stepped closer to him, wrapping her arms around his middle and pushing herself against him. He returned the hug and held her delicately, swaying her from side to side because he knew she liked it. He might have heard a small whimper or sob, but she was in his arms and that way he knew she was alright, so he just listened to her for a minute before pulling from her shaky embrace.</p><p>“Alright, Princess,” he said, taking her hand and pulling her towards the door. “Let’s go home.”</p><p>Getting her in the car was a challenge, especially when her knees finally gave out from under her and she just so happened to right next to Adrien. She fell into him before crumbling to the sidewalk, sobbing hysterically while he got close to her and her parent’s watched from a distance.</p><p>“Adrien, I c-can’t do this,” she said through her weak, broken sobs.</p><p>He shushed her, “Yes, yes, you can, you’re gonna be okay,” he said, scooting closer to her and gently taking her hands in his, which were digging into her eyes and looked like they were attempting to rip them out.</p><p>She latched onto his hands and sat up straighter, squeezing her eyes shut as she forced her breaths to be deep and even, tears still falling down her cheeks.</p><p>“That’s it,” he said gently, reaching up and wiping her tears away. “Good job, you’re doing great.”</p><p>When she was calm enough to be moved, Adrien pushed his arms under her knees and lower back. He grunted as he lifted her, bringing her close to his chest as he began walking back to his car. When he reached it, he gently placed her feet back on the ground but held onto her waist as he went for his keys in his pocket.</p><p>By some miracle, he unlocked it, and was able get the door open and carefully slip Marinette inside, her half conscious as he leaned over her and buckled her seatbelt on.</p><p>She was crying again, softly, but he just touched her face, wiped her tears and waited for her to calm down before he closed the passenger side door, pausing for a moment, before turning back to her parents. They had insisted on following them out to the car, probably intending to say goodbye to their daughter, but she was obviously in no state to say any goodbyes.</p><p>“Feel free to come by anytime,” Adrien said, handing them his address on a small piece of paper. “I know that… that you don’t like her being so far away from you—”</p><p>“This is better than a mental institute,” Tom said, interrupting him with a tight voice. “We never liked the idea of her going away, but we understand that this is the best option for her.”</p><p>Adrien didn’t say anything for a long time, studying the two adults before him, the parents of the girl he was responsible for now. He had to look after her, not that he minded, but he knew it was going to be tough, and hard, and he might even get frustrated with her a few times. But the situation made it easier to be gentle with her and keep himself on his toes about her. He knew she needed him right now, which is why he refused to let her go so far away.</p><p>“Make sure she gets some sleep, please,” Sabine broke the silence, her tiny form hugging her shaking hands to her chest as she looked in the window at her daughter, who lay still. “She-she likes to hog the blanket sometimes,” she said, almost laughing but it quickly died in her throat. “She likes softer blankets more than the linens or sheets, and she likes to curl into a ball when she’s cold. When she can’t sleep, she sometimes likes to sleep with a fan on or a TV with the volume low. She—”</p><p>“Honey,” Tom said gently, resting a hand on his wife’s shoulder, making her look up at him with wide eyes. “She’s in good hands. Why don’t you got wait in the car?”</p><p>Sabine hesitated, looking back at the car where her daughter sat in before slowly pulling herself away from the spot she was rooted to. She disappeared into the dark parking lot, walking in the direction of one of the few cars, leaving the two men alone.</p><p>There was a long, tense silence.</p><p>“She likes nightlights,” he said, breaking the silence, looking up at Adrien. “She hates the dark.”</p><p>Adrien nodded, “Noted.”</p><p>“And something else,” Tom continued, his voice forced and tight, like he was pushing his emotions down. He didn’t blame him. “When she was little, she used to have a lot of trouble sleeping. She and her mom would go downstairs and watch an old movie until it put her to sleep.” He looked up at the gleaming stars, their beauty mocking the situation. “Sabine would rub her arm while she drifted off, and it worked most of the time,” he said, looking back at him. “Thought that’d might help.”</p><p>Adrien nodded again, “Sounds useful,” he said, studying the older man with interest and concern. “Thanks.”</p><p>A long pause filled their silence afterwards, but neither male seemed like they wanted to leave yet.</p><p>“You love her.”</p><p>Adrien looked up at the claim, studying him and saying nothing.</p><p>“I can see the way you look at her,” Tom continued, a monotone hum to his voice. “Like she’s your sun and moon.”</p><p>“She is,” Adrien said automatically, before his ears burned red with slight embarrassment.</p><p>Tom only nodded, regarding the red slowly filling the other’s cheeks. “I figured,” he said, looking at him with an interested look in his eyes. “Look,” he said, shifting on his feet and shoving his large hands in his pockets. “I don’t want to be that dad that threatens every boyfriend his daughter ever dates.”</p><p>Adrien just stared at him.</p><p>“But if you ever hurt my daughter, I swear I will show you exactly how possible it is to murder someone with a roller,” he rushed, before he took a moment to breath and compose himself, nearly scarring Adrien shitless for a moment, but he didn’t blame him.</p><p>“My daughter’s been through a lot,” Tom continued, calmer now. “And I’ll be damn sure that not just any guy gets to date my baby girl.”</p><p>Adrien felt like he was about to get smacked.</p><p>“But,” Tom said, leaving his hand at his side and making no obvious sign that he was going to hit him. “You’re not like any other guy she’s met before,” he said, breathing out that last sentence like it was some kind of relief to say it.</p><p>Adrien felt a lump form in his throat, a small hope shine in his chest.</p><p>“We’ve been trying to find a cure for these blackouts of hers and trying to find a way to slow down her frequent panic attacks,” he said, shaking his head distastefully. “We were looking for <em>so long</em> that it felt hopeless up until this point, asking drugs, money and doctors to try and save our baby girl when—” he stopped, shaking his head as he looked back at the man who still felt like there was a catch.</p><p>“When all along it’s been you,” he said softly, smiling at Adrien for what seemed like the first time.</p><p>He felt his heart swelling with emotion and for a second, he thought he was going to cry.</p><p>“I’m not saying you’re the cure to her depression,” Tom said, looking down at the ground for a second before lifting his gaze back to the other man. “But you make her really happy, and I think you could be a really good start for her long road to recovery.”</p><p>For a long moment, Adrien just stared dumbfounded at the man before him. This was Marinette’s <em>father </em>telling him—<em>her boyfriend—</em>that he was good for her. He had never thought he needed to hear that until now, and he was unbearably happy to hear it. Tom seemed like the best father in the world, he raised Marinette after all. But as he stared up at him, he soon realized that there was another reason why he looked up to the man, saw him and Sabine as amazing people. Someone who’d be proud of him, take care of him when he couldn’t, hold him in his worst moments… love him for once.</p><p>They were the parents he never had.</p><p>Adrien finally took Tom’s outstretched hand, shaking it and matching his firm grip.</p><p>Tom looked him dead in the eyes, “Take care of my daughter, Agreste.”</p><p>Adrien gave a curt nod before turning just as Tom did, walking around the front of the car and dropping himself into the driver’s seat, the door slamming shut next to him as he pulled it closed.</p><p>He looked over at Marinette, finding her slumped form leaning into the passenger’s side door and staring at nothing, silent tears rolling down her cheeks.</p><p>“Hey,” he said gently, reaching out and gently rubbing her thigh.</p><p>Her attention slowly turned to him, her wavy dark hair falling around her shoulders as she gave him a thin line of her lips, a small attempt at a smile.</p><p>“You okay?” he asked softly.</p><p>She stared at him for a long moment, contemplating something behind those sad, beautiful eyes before she slowly shook her head, and furiously wiped the tears off her face.</p><p>“Okay,” he whispered, smiling at her lightly to give her warmth and comfort. His thumb rubbed gently circles on the top of her thigh, which helped her relax a little before she finally turned back to him.</p><p>“You’re gonna be okay, alright?” he said, meeting her eyes to make sure she understood. “Got it?”</p><p>She only nodded curtly before resting her head in her palm, leaning her head back against the seat as she looked out the window. Her eyes turned skywards, the stars and the moon reflecting off the moisture from her eyes, her tears looking like diamonds as they slowly fell down her cheeks.</p><p>He knew he couldn’t do much about her emotions right now. The best thing to do for her was start driving and get her home so she can relax. She hasn’t been held while sleeping in a long time, so he intended to help her fall asleep tonight by doing that and other helpful things.</p><p>He started up the car and carefully backed out of his spot, before changing gears and rolling towards the exit of the parking lot. He found it, turned his signal on, and since barely anyone was on the road at this hour, he pulled out into the street, and drove into the night.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>And now, onto the soft emotional hurt comfort :)</p><p>Thanks for reading!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0034"><h2>34. Hold Onto Me</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>A lot of pet names, comfort, and a sick Marinette struggles to get through the day. Luckily, she has an angel by her side.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Warnings: Mentioning of Self-Harm, Mentioning of Physical Assault (Not Sexual Assault). </p><p>Not a lot of warnings for this chapter, enjoy &lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chapter 34: Hold on to Me</p><p> </p><p>Any moment, and she was going to pass out. Her body ached horribly, sending raging pulses up her body that made her head feel like it was splitting open. She felt as if she were in a dream like state, watching as the stars blurred into lines as they drove down the quiet streets of Paris. The streetlights flickered above them, and the haunted shadows of the city fell over the concrete.</p><p>Marinette tried to ignore the awful mud in her chest, the racing of her heart and the painful brick in her stomach. She felt as if everything inside her was going to explode and rip her body into pieces, leaving the familiar blood splatters all over the walls. Only this time, it would be from the ticking timebomb inside her body, rather than the intended want to tear herself down once again.</p><p>Well that to, but it felt less dominant this time.</p><p>Adrien pulled into a garage under a huge, modern apartment building that looked like something a celebrity could live in. Considering Adrien was one of them, she figured he had the right mindset to live here.</p><p>Her legs were stronger than before, and she pushed the car door open just as Adrien ran around the back of the car and caught the car door, pushing it more open. He reached down and took her hand, helping her stand onto her feet while her ankles wobbled. She leaned against the side of the car while he reached into the back seat and grabbed that weird white bag the hospital apparently gave him. She wondered what was in it.</p><p>She pushed herself off the car and took his hand, following him through the sliding doors from the garage and into a nice, open lobby. There weren’t many people walking around considering the very early hour, but the front desk clerk smiled and waved at them as they walked past her.</p><p>They walked a ways down a long, glowing hallway, the lights dimmer than she had expected while lights at ankle height illuminated the floor as they walked. At the end of the hall they reached a few, large elevators, and he pressed a button for up and the middle one immediately opened for them.</p><p>They stepped inside, and Adrien pressed some floor number, she couldn’t remember which one, but it was pretty high up. He leaned against the metal wall of the lift and pulled her closer, wrapping an arm around her shoulders and kissing her temple. She leaned into him, resting her head against his collarbone and closed her eyes for the remainder of the ride.</p><p>Maybe just over a minute later, the doors to the lift slid open and she was the first on that stepped out, Adrien never letting go of her hand as they stepped onto the level. They rounded a corner before walking down the same hallway, so it seemed, with the light illuminating the walkway. They passed several doors that were pretty spaced out with four digits on them, their room number. They walked for another solid minute or two before finally coming to the last door in the hallway, the rest of the space used as a small lounge with coffee, cushioned chairs and coffee tables.</p><p>Adrien swiped his keycard from his pocket into the slot and waited before it turned green, then finally pushed on the handle and opened the door.</p><p>As they entered the room, the lights turned on with a flick of a switch Adrien just touched next to the door, before dropping his keys and wallet in a little bowl on the corner table next to the door. The lights were very dim, and considering how tired she felt, she was grateful because the overload on light would hurt.</p><p>By the time she stepped into the apartment, Adrien shutting and locking the door behind him, she actually felt like she was going to fall over.</p><p>But before she could, she felt strong arms sneak around her waist, before a warm, soft surface pressed against her entire back and pulled her close.</p><p>“You okay?” he asked softly.</p><p>With the aching in her body, the anxiety coiling inside her stomach, and her burning hot skin making her sweat, she felt like she was going to burst into tears any moment.</p><p>She just shook her head and closed her eyes, feeling his living, breathing body press more into her as his hold on her tightened, and she sighed heavily from the nice feeling. She could feel his strong, steady heartbeat through his shirt that seemed to pound along with her own. She listened to the two different heartbeats and felt as they synced up together in a careful, intimate dance.</p><p>Adrien twisted his head and gently planted a kiss on her jaw, the action surprising her and making a whimper escape her mouth, emotions suddenly flooding her chest. She felt so small, pathetic, and fragile as he held her tightly and close, swaying to a nonexistent beat in the air as she struggled to hold it together a little longer. She had almost lost her mind in the parking lot earlier, and the fear alone of repeating another panic attack with Adrien and her parents watching was the only thing that forced her to stay grounded.</p><p>She was barely holding on though, she could feel the pressure growing and growing, like a balloon was about to pop loudly in both her mind and chest.</p><p>“C’mon,” Adrien spoke softly, gently pulling away and circling around her while keeping a hold on her waist as he came to stand in front of her. His eyes were gentle and caring as he stared down at her, taking her hands in his own and lacing them. “Let’s get you into bed,” he said, nodding his head in the other direction.</p><p>
  <em>Bed. She was so excited to go to bed. </em>
</p><p>They removed their shoes at the door before padding softly to the other side of the room, passing what looking like a living room that had sunken into the floor. Two steps lowered down into the living room, were red couches with soft cushions surrounded a glass coffee table and a large TV. Right behind the TV was the great tall wall of glass that opened up into the balcony outside, the glass starting at the floor and reaching the ceiling. Adrien tugged her to the left and she found his bed, king sized, and tucked into a large corner with two nightstands on either side of the bed.</p><p>The windows stretched all the way next to his bed, which concerned her at first because she doesn’t like the idea of people inside the building across from them to watch her sleeping. But Adrien reassured her by picking up a small remote, pressing a few buttons, and all the windows suddenly turned dark, allowing no light in and giving the couple privacy.</p><p>“Alright,” Adrien said, turning back to her as he set the remote back down on the nightstand. “That should be good.” He gave her a once over before carefully meeting her eyes, “You wanna change before we go to bed.”</p><p>She shook her head slowly, already feeling herself nodding off.</p><p>“Okay,” he responded, facing her at the foot of the bed. He gently stroked some dark waves out of her face before reaching out to her, gently tugging on her sweater. “Can I help you?”</p><p>She met his eyes before closing her mouth and nodding slowly.</p><p>Adrien slipped his hands under her sweater and helped her shrug of the clothing, pulling the sleeves carefully off her bandaged arms. He seemed to avoid them as he turned away from her for a moment, hanging the hood of the sweater on the bed post and then turning back to her.</p><p>He reached out to her and his fingers slipped under her shirt, his hands making a trail up her back and sending shivers down her spine. She tried hard not to flinch when his fingers found the clasp of her bra, fiddling it for a moment with a question in his eyes. Her shirt ridded up her torso, exposing most of her stomach as she shivered under his gentle fingertips.</p><p>She nodded in response to the question in his eyes, and she prepared for the gentle release of her breasts as the bra came undone. He helped her slip off the straps from her arms before pulling it out from under her shirt.</p><p>She subconsciously crossed her arms over her chest as Adrien hung the bra from the bed post as well, turning back to her with a gentle look in his eyes.</p><p>“Why don’t you lie down?” he suggested, his voice sweet and quiet. “I’m gonna go get some things across the room. You just get comfortable.”</p><p>She nodded curtly as she watched him hesitate, lean in and peck her gently on the forehead, before turning and padding across the room. She turned towards the large bed, studying the grey covers and the grew pillowcases. As she came around it and pulled back the covers, they were white and rather cold as she sat down in it, and she shivered and sniffled a little as she hugged herself to keep warm.</p><p>Adrien stayed in her sight, only grabbing a few things off the couch before walking back to her. He held a blanket in one hand, then stopped to grab something just around the corner with the other hand. He pulled a tall standing fan and placed it facing the bed before plugging it in and setting it to high. He then turned back to her and unfolded the fluffy blanket, getting into bed himself and wrapping her up in the large fluffy blanket, her skin warming some as she relaxed into the bed. </p><p>He leaned back on the pillows with her, pulling the sheets and linens around himself and her to keep her warm that night. He took the edge across her and tucked it more around her before retracting his hand back only to slip it under the various blankets and scooting closer to her.</p><p>He kissed her nose gently, letting her relax in his arms as he wrapped her in a very tight, but calm embrace as if he was scared that she would disappear in the morning.</p><p>She shivered despite all the warmth she felt with the blankets and the heat inside his very tight embrace. She still felt an awful ache in her bones, making her tremble as she struggled to keep still for more than a few seconds.</p><p>Adrien was patient with her, shushing her gently and rubbing her side whenever she’d make a frustrated whine or groan.</p><p>She snuggled more into his collarbone, finding a somewhat comfortable position there and sighing heavily, her hot breath bouncing back at her.</p><p>“Adrien?” she called, her voice hoarse.</p><p>“Yeah, I’m here,” he reassured, rubbing her back gently.</p><p>She bit her lip in an attempt to keep her emotions in check, but she eventually had to relieve the pressure and let a tear slip onto the pillow.</p><p>“Just…” she trailed off, listening the very alive heartbeat in his chest, and suddenly she found a reason to stay still for a moment, just listening. After a long pause, she spoke again.</p><p>
  <em>“Thank you.” </em>
</p><p>She wasn’t entirely sure what exactly she was thanking him for, but she just felt the need to thank him. Thanking him for being here, in this moment with her as she struggled to hold onto herself and her reality. Thanking him for staying with her, holding her, and tolerating her madness as she continued to drown, over and over again. Thanking him for listening to her, listening to her voice, her cries, her heartbeat, and making sure that it continued to beat. She thanked his body for emanating life, his own evidence of living pounding along with hers in his chest. She thanked his tender and gentle hands that always was able to bring her back, no matter how hard or tough the false reality was.</p><p>She guessed she was having a hard time finding what she was thanking him for, and it was because there were too many reasons to even list on a paper.</p><p>There were more things to thank him for than just the beating of her heart.</p><p>But her tongue went hollow and she was suddenly unable to speak as her throat tightened up violently, forcing out a loud sob from her chest.</p><p>“Shh, it’s okay, My Lady,” Adrien said, his fingertips gently stroking up and down her back. “It’s okay, I’ve got you.”</p><p>And with that, Marinette shattered.</p><p>She broke down harder than she ever has before, letting the flood gates open and letting out all the emotions that have built up in her past up until now out. She could barely breath as she cried, making ugly noises as she struggled to stay civil and not go crazy again. The agony in her heart was tearing her body apart from the inside out, and she couldn’t help but just let it happen.</p><p>It just felt so good. It felt so good to break, and in <em>his</em> arms, of all places.</p><p>Maybe it was the exhaustion, maybe it was the want for the pain to end for a little while, or maybe it was the warmth that held a steady line of comfort from his arms and the blankets. But after everything that day has given her, after all the gory details set into place like a missing puzzle piece, after the horrible exhaustion her body had forced into her.</p><p>She felt her body collapse on the inside, her sobs and chest relaxing suddenly after the agonizing crying, and her mind went silent for the first time in years as she fell into a void sleep.</p><p>.               .               .</p><p>The first thing Marinette wakes up to is the horrible ache in her bones. She felt like she had run a marathon while wearing a mask over her nose and mouth. Her throat was dry, her lungs burned, and her eyes hurt from all the crying she’s done. Her muscles trembled underneath the covers, despite not even holding her body weight up, she felt like she would fall over if she tried standing up.</p><p>Her head pounded against the pillow her face sweated into, her skin damp everywhere. She sniffled hard to try and prevent the snot to run down her face, but it made her eyes burn and she groaned.</p><p>She suddenly felt a shift on the mattress that wasn’t hers, and then finally noticed the weight that wrapped around her middle and held her against something warm on her back.</p><p>The thing groaned, before another presence awoke in the bed, and snuggled closer to her. She relaxed when she recognized Adrien’s touch, his arm pulling her impossibly closer and making her curl more into a fetal position.</p><p>“Hey,” he said groggily, his breath bouncing off the back of her neck. It was hot, and a wave of heat rolled down her body and she could feel the sweat started to form under all the covers.</p><p>“You okay?” he asked softly, nuzzling his nose on the back of her neck.</p><p>She groaned as she forced her aching muscles to work, twisting in his arms and facing him before wrapping her arms around him. Despite how hot she was getting, she snuggled closer to him, resting her forehead against his chin and grimacing at the heat wave that rolled across her body.</p><p>“I feel sick,” Marinette rasped, sniffling again and closing her eyes, trying to ignore of the raging headache that pounded behind her eyes.</p><p>Adrien shifted one of his arms around her, bringing an arm out from under the covers and scooting his head away from her. She relaxed backwards against the pillow and watched him feel her forehead and her cheek with his hands. The pressure and touch felt nice, and it momentarily soothed her.</p><p>“You’re burning up,” he said softly, feeling her forehead again. “I think you have a fever.”</p><p>He dropped his hand to her neck, gently cupping it but she winced away from the pressure, the skin tender. He stared at her curiously, and the guilty look in her eyes gave it away as she avoided him by looking down. She pulled away from him a little, dropping her head in order to hide the thing she had on her neck, but Adrien simply lifted her chin and inspected it.</p><p>“Where’d these bruises come from?” he asked softly, smoothing a thumb over the side of her neck, lowering himself to look at it better.</p><p>She shook her head, “I don’t wanna talk about it.”</p><p>The bruises were hard to notice by the time Adrien was finally allowed to see her when she was awake and sane, so she counted on her hair to hide the rest of them. But Lila’s grip had been strong and almost lethal, and maybe she didn’t notice them or the pain while she was in such emotional destress, but she notices them now. And so does Adrien.</p><p>“Did someone do this to you?” he questioned; his voice was still soft, but she could tell he was holding back his anger.</p><p>She didn’t want his anger right now, even if it was directed at someone else. She felt too fragile, too much like glass that would break or crack at his impact. She just needed him to be gentle, and careful, and above all patient with her as she slowly unravels for him, shedding all her old skin and slowly healing from it. She’s surprised at her way of thinking, surprised when her mind presented the idea of <em>healing. </em></p><p>But… it didn’t sound too bad either.</p><p>She pushed her face into his neck, hiding away from the reality of the situation beyond what she did to herself. She felt like she would cry if she gave it a moment’s glance, and she was felt too sick, too powerless, and too fragile to cry anymore right now.</p><p>“Can we talk about it later?” she mumbled into his shoulder, gripping his shirt into her fists.</p><p>He hesitated, actually considering it for a few seconds before letting his other arm wrap around her again, pulling her body against his. His silent rest to the situation drew out a shuddered breath from her, and she let him push his hands under her shirt and touch her skin. He rubbed his hands up and down her back, his fingertips doing their magic and somehow helping the little trembles that rolled down her spine calm.</p><p>She waited a few minutes, letting his heartbeat and the feel of his breathing relax her before she allowed herself to finally break down those doors and speak.</p><p>“Is there anything to help this headache?” she rasped, keeping her eyes closed.</p><p>His hands slowed slightly as he spoke. “I have some painkillers that should bring the fever down.”</p><p>She nodded, “Can I have some?”</p><p>“Yeah, of course,” he said, shifting and pulling his hands off her. He pushed himself until he was over her while leaning on his elbow, staring down at her sweating face. “I’ll go get those to help, okay?”</p><p>Without warning, he started to move away from her, and she suddenly latched onto his wrist, making him stop right before he was going to get off the bed. He met her eyes curiously, her still weak, lying down form staring back at him without any explanation in her eyes.</p><p>“Please stay,” she suddenly forced out, her face contorting as another sob built in her throat suddenly.</p><p>Adrien’s face broke out in concern and he moved towards her again, leaning back over her and shushing her gently as he reached up and stroked her hair.</p><p>“Hey, whoa, it’s okay baby,” he said gently, smiling down at her and using his other hand to wipe away the one tear she allowed herself to drop. “I’m not going far, just across the room to get you something to help with the pain.”</p><p>She studied him for a moment, staring and memorizing his gentle features as he hovered above her. She reached out and touched his shirt, only his shirt, fisting it and keeping him there for a moment. She doesn’t know why she likes fisting his shirt, all that she knows she needs to hold onto him, and this was a good way to do it.</p><p>She eventually does let go, allowing him to get off the bed, flashing her a gentle smile before padding across the room. He was right, he didn’t go far. He stopped at the island in his kitchen that was just beyond the couches that faced the TV and pulled a duffle bag she recognized as hers from the floor and gently setting it on the counter.</p><p>As another roll of heat curled around her body and she made a frustrated noise as she flipped the covers off herself, feeling the heat practically rising from her body. The dampness under her arms and in all her crevices were agonizing and annoying to feel, which added to the uncomfortable aches that pulsed up and down her body.</p><p>She couldn’t take it anymore and she reached down and undid her sweatpants with her trembling, weak hands. Before forcing them off her legs and throwing them to the far corner of the bed. She felt the cool air of the apartment touch her bare skin as she lay on top of the sheets in just her underwear and an old band shirt. She pulled her knees up and let them bend on the mattress, letting the cool air hit under her thighs as well.</p><p>Marinette ached to take the annoying bandages off her arms. Sweat dripped in and out of the folds of cloth, and the pressure against her cuts make her teeth ich with the uncomfortable feeling. Her hot skin made it worse, and she almost did rip the annoying things off, but she had a feeling she was supposed to leave them on.</p><p>She groaned as she shifted again, rolling onto her side and curling into a fetal position on the bed, closing her eyes while she listened to Adrien’s shuffling across the room. She could sometimes feel the fan pointed at her give her a chill, but it was soon replaced by an uncomfortable heat wave.</p><p>“Hey,” Adrien said, sitting on the edge of the bed as she looked up at him. “You achy?” he asked, handing her a couple pills and a glass of water.</p><p>She nodded as she sat up, taking a quick, cold sip of water by itself to sooth her throat before she popped both pills in and swallowed them with another gulp.</p><p>“Those should bring the fever down,” he stated, reaching out and touching her hair again. He scooted closer to her and held his fist out to her, implying something else was in it. “And you need to take one of these as well,” he suggested, before dropping a single pill in the palm of her hand.</p><p>She studied it for a moment, recognizing it but not remembering where she’s seen it. “What are they?”</p><p>He watched her for a moment, tucking his knees closer to him. “Antidepressants.”</p><p>Marinette blanched, “I hate these things.” She looked at him, a small challenge in her eyes, “I don’t need to be medicated.”</p><p>“I know you hate them, Princess,” he said, his voice still patient. “Just take one right now, alright?”</p><p>She softened, the fight immediately dying in her chest. He asked so gently it was hard for her to even consider saying no to him, which was hard enough to do. She’s had bad experiences with these before, not that she’s ever tried to abuse them in any way, but she just hated the way these things made her feel.</p><p>She studied the pill for a long moment, taking a moment to understand it and the situation. She could feel Adrien silent beside her, not pushing or pressuring, just silently waiting for her to do something.</p><p>Shaking her head slightly, she popped it in her mouth, taking another gulp of water to down it really quickly. The sudden pressure on her throat from the intense swallow made it burn momentarily, but quickly faded before she downed the rest of the glass.</p><p>Adrien took the empty glass from her hand before taking her chin in his hand, tilting her head in his direction. He was suddenly kissing her, gently pressing his lips to hers in a caring, tender and filling way that made her heart momentarily stall in in her chest. She leaned into his gentleness, soaking up every ounce of it she could get her hands on. She sighed contently when he pulled away, still cradling her chin in one hand and the glass in the other as he smiled at her.</p><p>“I’m proud of you,” he said, before kissing the corner of her mouth gently and moving towards the nightstand.</p><p>She blushed wildly and smiled away from him, just getting control over her burning face when he turns back to her. His hand finds her bare thigh and he rubs it soothingly, making her look back at him as he sat facing her, reaching out and playing with the ends of her hair.</p><p>“What time is it?” she asked, sniffling away the snot which made her eyes water again.</p><p>Adrien glanced back at the clock that sat on his nightstand before turning back to her, still stroking her hair. “Almost eleven,” he said, studying her. “You got about five and a half hours of sleep.”</p><p>She nodded, turning to look at him. “And you?”</p><p>He smiled at her, “I slept to, don’t worry about me, alright?”</p><p>She rolled her eyes, “You know I always worry about you.”</p><p>He snorted, “Bad choice of words,” he said, making Marinette smile a little. “I meant don’t worry about me <em>right now. </em>I want you focused on yourself, okay?”</p><p>She stared at him for a long moment, clenching and unclenching her toes and trying to decide if the erratic beat in her chest was anxiety or excitement. She wondered how on earth she got to actually call this man—<em>this angel</em>—hers.</p><p>She nodded slowly, before a lingering pressure weighed on her chest and she had to look away from him, pulling her knees closer to her chest. It was heavy, but not enough to make her break down again. She just needed a minute to herself, a moment to close her eyes and push back on the waves, forcing them back so she could relax.</p><p>“Baby,” Adrien called, scooting closer to her and touching her leg, making her look at him. His eyes were concerned, and he leaned closer to her as she squished her cheek into her knee, staring at him. “Are you cold?” he asked, this time stroking her leg once with his hand. “You’re not wearing anything.”</p><p>She shook her head as best she could while pressing it to her knee. “No.”</p><p>He studied her for a moment, seeing whatever it was she was hiding beneath the surface. “Are you okay?” he asked softly.</p><p>She contemplated, and she hated that she had to think about it. She didn’t know what she was upset about, she didn’t know what was lingering in her chest except the empty darkness. There was no reason for her to be sad at the moment, nothing was happening.</p><p>And yet… she still was?</p><p>She sighed heavily in defeat, adjusting her head to look straight forward. “I don’t know,” she whispered, feeling the darkness trying to surge forward but she ignored it, letting it crumble inside her and making her feel worse until she buried the last bit of it.</p><p>“Hey,” Adrien said, his warm hand finding her sweaty one and pulling it to him. She kept her eyes forward as he spoke, ignoring the warmth because she didn’t want to fell vulnerable.</p><p>“It’s okay to be upset, Mari,” he whispered back, rubbing his thumb over her knuckles. “You’re sad, and that’s okay right now.”</p><p>She didn’t have the ability to speak so she just nodded, forcing it down and squeezing his hand to let him know she heard him. She took a minute, appreciating his silence as she steadied herself, organized her emotions and pushed them away for now, not having the energy to deal with them at the moment.</p><p>It was him leaning forward and gently pecking her cheek that finally warmed her heart and made her feel something, giving her enough courage to face him. She gave him a small smile, scrunching up her shoulders and dropping the side of her head to her knees again, feeling like she could sleep for a few more hours.</p><p>“You wanna go see Tikki?” Adrien suggested.</p><p>Marinette was suddenly wide awake as she sat up straight, eyes wide. “Tikki!”</p><p>She was so exhausted and caught up in her emotions she completely forgot about her little friend that literally is the one that’s seen it all, even more than Adrien. She felt sick, more than she already was, anxiously looking back at him and nodded her head frantically, eager to see her little companion.</p><p>Adrien helped pull her off the bed by her hands and tugged her away from the scorching sheets. They stopped by her duffle bag and he quickly pulled out a pair of work out shorts for her. She felt gratitude flood her emotions as she slowly slipped into the tiny pair of shorts, feeling his eyes watch her in case she fell over. She maintained her own balance long enough to tie the knot in the front, then take his hand and let him lead her wherever Tikki was stored.</p><p>They went past the kitchen and into the hallway by it, stopping just across the threshold and facing a black wooden door. He quickly opened it and they stepped inside his office, modern, black, and very prestigious as she looked around the room.</p><p>He turned and let go of her hand, coming up to a small black safe that resided inside a closet on the bottom shelf, which was already open. He kneeled down and punching in a code to the keypad, each button filling the room with a high-pitched beep, and after four of them, the safe clicked open like a microwave.</p><p>He opened it fully and reached inside, pulling something out and standing up, closing the safe as he did so. He turned back to her and held out a little black box to her, the contents inside obvious.</p><p>She reached out and took it from his palm, immediately opening it eagerly. A pink flash filled the space around her, and she winced away from it, holding the box at arm’s length as she waited for it to pass.</p><p>When it faded, Marinette eagerly opened her eyes, and her heart leaped out of her chest when she saw the little kwami floating in front of her, eyes closed.</p><p>Tikki, alive and well, opened her large blue eyes and looked around for a moment, confused, before her eyes landed on her holder, and she brightened.</p><p>“Marinette!” she shrieked, flying forward and hugging her upper chest desperately. “Oh, thank goodness you’re okay!”</p><p>Marinette felt like she could cry from the kwami’s happy tone at just seeing her, and she gently hugged her back. “Oh, Tikki,” she said, feeling the tears already brimming in her eyes again. “I’m so, so sorry.”</p><p>Tikki sniffled adorably and nuzzled her head against her, making warmth sprout in her chest. “It’s okay, Marinette. Everything’s okay,” she said, her voice tight.</p><p>The girl shook her head, “It’s not,” she said, feeling like she was crumbling to pieces. “Tikki, I-I—”</p><p>Tikki shushed the girl gently and floated up more to nuzzle her cheek warmly, making the girl giggle a little bit. “I know, Marinette,” she said, before looking past her. “Thank you.”</p><p>Marinette turned around and found a sheepish looking Adrien, who smiled and nodded without saying a word.</p><p>The serious tone was broken by the most horrendous, yet endearing, scream of all time.</p><p>“SUGAR CUUUUBE!” cried Plagg, flinging into the room like he was thrown by a slingshot and crashing into his other half in a serious of laughs from both of them and a whole lot of spinning. “I’M SO GLAD YOU’RE OKAY!”</p><p>Tikki giggled and hugged Plagg close to her, sniffling and wiping her tears away as the darker kwami held on for dear life to her. “It’s okay, Plagg, I’m okay,” she said, before looking up and Marinette and smiling.</p><p>“We’ll give you two some time,” Marinette said, taking Adrien’s hand and walking towards the door. She vaguely hears Plagg sniffle a little bit but doesn’t address it as she pulled the office door shut and let them be.</p><p>“You okay?” Adrien asked, the warmth in her hand steadying her.</p><p>She looked at him, taking a deep breath before she stepped closer to him, pressing her forehead to his shoulder and letting his arms wind around her body. He pulled her closer without hesitation and buried his face in her hair, feeling him inhale her most likely disgusting scent because of the sweat, fever, and need to shower. And if she addressed it, he would say something about how he doesn’t care or pretend like he didn’t smell it, and he would still hold her like this. In her worst, disgusting moments, he held her like this, and she couldn’t bring herself to pull away.</p><p>“Just… help me hold onto you,” she whispered, gripping his shoulders. “Please.”</p><p>His arms held her tighter, and she couldn’t let go even if she tried.</p><p>“It’s okay, I’ve got you,” he said, swaying them a little bit. “I’ll hold onto you.”</p><p>And with those words, she realized that maybe this won’t end up as bad as she thought it would.</p><p>Maybe it would be okay for once.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hope you guys enjoyed, just so you know the next few chapters will still have warnings in them even though Marinette's situation has softened. Yes, she will have her ups and downs, but for now I think you guys deserve some fluff, am I right? </p><p>Anyways, see you next time &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0035"><h2>35. Peace</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>A little too many emotions overwhelms Marinette, but she doesn't face it alone. But she almost hates how "needy" she is.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Warnings: Anxiety Attacks, Very Vague Mentioning of Past Suicide Attempt.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chapter 35: Peace</p><p> </p><p>The last time Marinette felt this awful was when she had the flu last year. As the virus made its whirlwind travels across the planet, latching onto any human being they could find before relentlessly attacking with an intent to kill. If she didn’t know any better, the flu felt like her body was attacking herself, like cancer and her inner signals had a mutation.</p><p>Every movement caused her joints pain, her muscles, which were working overtime to try and keep her body operational and somehow beat the sickness, felt weak and shaky. She couldn’t go more than ten minutes of standing without having the need to sit down. Her head was woozy, and her stomach did somersaults and contracted along with the sharp pains her body produced.</p><p>She constantly was throwing the blanket on her, off, and then on again, trying desperately to get warm, trying desperately to cool off. She would be covered in sweat one moment before she had to curl up in a ball the next. It’s been a while since she’s been this sick, or felt this awful, or really, let herself relax while someone else took care of her.</p><p>Adrien was there with her through all the moments she shifted, groaned, sweat, and cried. She hated feeling sick—hated feeling vulnerable. She hated being taken care of, it made her feel weak and indescribably embarrassed.</p><p>But there she was, curled up in a fetal position while her head laid on Adrien’s lap, facing the TV as it played some old show she didn’t recognize. She liked the background noise; it gave her something to focus on other than the coiling pit her anxiety was rising from. She didn’t tell him though, in case he’d give her the <em>look, </em>a look she knew she couldn’t fight against when he’d slowly suggest they go back to the white room.</p><p>The white room. Otherwise known as the hospital.</p><p>That’s the last place she wants to be. She never felt safe or secure there, and the one thing she wanted more than anything was to stay there, listen to the old movies. She wanted to lay like this with her head in his lap, his fingers idly combing through her free hair as she tried to lie still and control her erratic heart. If he noticed, he’d take her back. He’d take her back and she wouldn’t be able to see him for a full twenty-four hours.</p><p>She didn’t need the white room, she needed <em>this, </em>here, his arms, his touch delicately tracing across her arms, drawing small hearts on her shoulder blades. She needed his hands to keep doing that thing with her hair, twirling it in his fingers and gently scraping her scalp in comforting ministrations.</p><p>Literally, only him, his constant presence, his touch and his voice, was keeping her grounded.</p><p>And the three little words she couldn’t wait to hear again.</p><p>When her thoughts took a turn, and reminded her exactly what she did and how much of a screw up she was, she groaned and tried to ignore the jump of her anxiety in her stomach as she turned more into Adrien’s thigh. She pressed her forehead to his leg, squeezing her eyes shut and trying to shut down the familiar rushing of water that treaded in her mind. It’s been days, almost a week since the last time she felt the black waters that had drowned her enough to drive her over the edge. She remembered how this felt, she knew how this worked, and she could either fight it, or let her agony wash over her like a feral animal waiting for someone to put them down.</p><p>She didn’t like either option, so she tightened her fists and forced her breathing to be steady, even as the need to breath erratically started to manifest.</p><p>“Marinette?” Adrien called, his voice quiet and concerned. His slight shift meant he leaned forward to look at her, so she buried her face more into his leg. “Hey, what’s going on?”</p><p>His voice. His voice was so beautiful. His voice was like listening to a song that seemed like it was written just for her. His voice was like a harp on a middle, constant string, a low note that resonated around some cathedral and rang for hours inside her head. His voice was as slick as honey and as strong as the bee, protecting what was his and what he owned.</p><p>She realized, that if she had succeeded in her attempt of drowning herself forever, letting the white noise consume her and finally end the torture, she would never have heard his voice again. If she had completely drained herself in that bathtub that night, her skin chilled from the freezing water, she would have never seen him again.</p><p>Even if she admitted to her mind days ago that she wanted to live, her instinct is to hurt and punish herself, so when that desperation rose in her chest, she didn’t understand it. When the will and need to live suddenly overcame her with such power and force, she had a moment of panic, her brain registering that this was new, that this wasn’t her. This was an invasion, she was being invaded, she needed it to stop, she needed the storm to quiet.</p><p>Her legs twitched and a surge of frustration made her fling to soaked with sweat blanket off her, startling a wide-eyed Adrien as he followed her form with his eyes. She walked around the couch, feeling the cold tile beneath her bare feet making her shiver against the heat wave roaring in her body.</p><p>She finds herself pacing the length of the back of the couch, holding her arms across her chest and counting the tiles she steps in. One, two, three, four—</p><p>“Mari?” Adrien called, making her snap her eyes back to him. He was still sitting on the couch, his neck craned around as he watched her with a perplexed yet alarmed look in her eyes.</p><p>The look scared her, and a new wave of anxiety coils inside her when he sees the tired look in his eyes, like this was exhausting, taking care of her. She already knew she was a burden; she already knew how much she wasn’t a need in everyone’s life anymore—the people of Paris made that clear. He was getting tired, annoyed, and soon frustrated enough to even try anymore, and he’d leave her just like five years ago, only this time he’d leave for good.</p><p>But she <em>needed him. </em>Despite how much she hated herself for admitting it, she <em>needed him. </em>He was the one that saved her life just a few days ago, he was the one that was there every minute he could be, he was the one that brought her out of her blackouts. He was the one person that is able to ground her besides the cutting, and the cutting doesn’t always work.</p><p>The terrifying fear of him leaving because she was too much to handle overwhelmed her, and she was suddenly sinking back into her mind.</p><p>She touched her face, slipping a little bit before she bit down on her lip, shaking her head and squeezing her eyes up as she scrunched up her mouth as well. She tried the things that she used to cope with, the safe things. Tapping her face, squeezing her eyes, measuring her breathing and looking up to try and blink the images away. But the voice in the back of her head was winning, and the sinking feeling of dread bit her in her spine and she flinched when her thoughts won.</p><p>“Um,” she struggled out, her voice shaky. “I-I think something’s h-happening.”</p><p>She more felt him get up rather than saw him, since she was squeezing her eyes shut so tight, she was seeing the colors of pressure dance in the darkness. He was close, close enough she could feel his heat and gently breathing, the tips of his hair brushing over her bangs. His touch was soothing when he took her arms gently, pulling them away from each other since she started fiddling with the bandages.</p><p>“I’m here,” he said gently, his voice calm which she was grateful for. “You know what’s happening?”</p><p>She shook her head rapidly, but it wasn’t because she didn’t know what was going on—she knew what was happening, she just also knew admitting it would force her to deal with it. She hated admitting these things were real, and she hated facing them when the time came.</p><p>But she was alone those times. Maybe this time, since she had him, it would be different.</p><p>“Marinette?” his voice was a beacon of light, and she locked her eyes on it, trying to force herself to open up to him. She can trust him. She can trust him.</p><p><em>You can trust him, </em>she thought, letting him slip his hands into hers as she took a deep shaky breath in.</p><p>“I’m…” she trailed off, feeling her lungs tighten as the dread came back full force and she rushed out her next sentence. “I’m h-having an anxiety at-tack.”</p><p>She felt her knees wobbling and could only give Adrien a cry of warning before she stumbled forward and into his arms, him catching all her weight in a surprised gasp. She couldn’t help him when he bent down and took the back of his knees in his arm, lifting her up and adjusting her in his arms.</p><p>She shivered against him and let him carry her trembling form towards the bed, where comfort was waiting. She tried to control her need for him to be close in that moment, she really did, but the weight crushing in her chest was so painful and heavy she felt like she was going to be pulled off a cliff from it. She grabbed at his shirt and arms, latching onto him like he was her lifeline which, in a way, he was. She felt herself being drowned from the inside out, her lungs filling with liquid and fire crawling through her veins and acid burning her throat.</p><p>She was being cradled, like a baby. And being rocked like a baby as she cried, coughing every once in a while. She felt chocked by her own air, trying to suck in the cold gas in order to continue breathing but everything in her felt like it was being ripped from her.</p><p>Her sanity was already gone, her secureness was all but existent, and her very mind and heart have been taken and crushed by so many people she was desperate for the relief. She would have latched onto anything to survive, even though she lost the will to do that days ago. The scary part was that she could have walked into the wrong friendship days ago without even knowing it. She was too desperate, too fragile, and too lonesome to even try and think through the pros and cons, all she could think about was the loneliness she could finally escape.</p><p>This anxiety attack was unlike anything she’s had before. For one, the dreadful feeling was slowly dying down in her chest and she could feel the trembling and terror slowly fading away. Even though the sickness still made her feel like she was dying already, she recognized the familiar heat and ache of her bones and realized quickly that the attack was over.</p><p>She could feel his arms again, one wrapped around her shoulders and the other wrapped around her waist, her butt resting in the hole of his crossed legs. Her legs draped over his other thigh and lay on the sheets beneath them, wrinkled from their lack of organizing it. Her arms were latching onto his shirt, crinkling it and pulling it as close as she could, like she was trying to wear it herself.</p><p>He rocked her, shushing her gently as she lay still in his arms. The movement helped her as she closed her eyes, turning her head more into his shirt and inhaling. His comforting scent was the last thing that finally eased the coil that writhed inside of her.</p><p>It was debilitating, the anxiety that trampled her emotions and destroyed her entire world. It distorted her vision and made her feel like she was drowning. She hated those emotions, especially when they made her feel as vulnerable as she has been feeling so far today.</p><p>“Shh, you’re okay,” he said gently, continuing to rock her even though her body had finally relaxed. “You did great Mari, you fought it. I’m so proud of you.”</p><p>His praises weren’t meant to affect her. People being proud of her wasn’t a necessity and therefore it didn’t require any sort of acknowledgement. But the way he said it, and the way he sounded relieved when she was finally released from her panic or her anxious thoughts. She wasn’t used to this, so forgive her as she slowly adapted to the new environment of being taken care of, and being forced to start taking better care of herself.</p><p>“You’re proud of m-me?” she implored, like she was begging for him to be.</p><p>Adrien nodded and continued rocking her like she was a baby, and she didn’t mind one bit. “You did great, Princess. You told me, you stopped yourself from your instincts, and you seemed to have found a way to stop yourself from harming yourself again.”</p><p>She looked up at him quizzically, “I did?”</p><p>He nodded, smiling down at her, obviously proud. “I’ve noticed it since the hospital,” he said, before withdrawing the arm from around her hip to touch her still clenched fists around the cotton of his shirt. He smiled down at her, “You hold onto me,” he said, giving her hands a gentle squeeze.</p><p>She stared up at him, obviously astonished by this. “Really?”</p><p>“Really,” he confirmed, winding his arm around her waist once again. “Keep doing that, okay? I’ll be here whenever you need me.”</p><p>She intends to hold him to that promise, and she has no doubt he’ll do everything in his power to do such a thing.</p><p>She’s surprised when she catches herself thinking those positive things.</p><p>Adrien does that to her, she figured.</p><p>.               .               .</p><p>She was rocking herself now, headphones on her head while they plugged into her phone, playing soft, gentle music. She never knew this kind of thing could work on her, the words flowing in one ear, traveling her deep thought train, before relaxing into a steady chorus of satisfying notes. Some tracks were songs, some orchestra based, and some of them were soundtracks you hear in the background of a casual movie scene.</p><p>Her eyes were closed, and her hearing was basically gone, her body gently rocking along to the beat and somehow helping her racing heart. Cutting off two of her senses from the outside world while she moved so she wasn’t restless, it helped ease the rattling of her ribcage as her heart pounded. She wasn’t the one that thought of it however, it was Adrien who came up with the idea.</p><p>“It helped me on some of my bad nights,” he had explained, smiling at her proudly. “Focusing on the beat and closing my eyes while I swayed back and forth.” He had looked at her then, a question in his eyes. “You wanna listen to music?”</p><p>So hence, Marinette sat there on the couch, her back rigid and aching from how tense she was. She had held onto Adrien for a little bit, fisting his shirt like she did sometimes, apparently, and forced him to stay right beside her as she struggled to calm herself down.</p><p>But she did, and Adrien’s idea ended up helping a lot. The music, but mostly the beat, was a constant for her, something she could listen and latch onto so that she could start getting control of herself again. Keeping her eyes closed helped, unable to look around at the overwhelming things in case they triggered panic inside her again. Sometimes colors, lights, or even specific sounds made her feel like her insides were going to burst from her body.</p><p>But soon enough she did calm down, enough to stop rocking herself back and forth and stare down at the floor. She had taken the headphones off, wanting to hear Adrien shuffling behind her in the kitchen, making her something that should, “help with the fever” or something like that.  </p><p>Little did she know, the man came back around the couch holding two mugs with some steam coming out from the top. Her mouth watered when she smelled the all too familiar scent, which reminded her of skipping school and sleeping all day.</p><p>“Chicken noodle soup?” she asked, taking the mug carefully in her fingers as he sat down beside her.</p><p>“Yeah,” he said, enthusiasm in his voice. “It’s the cure to every disease.”</p><p>She snorted as she stirred the warm liquid with her spoon, watching the oil and noodles swirl around in tandem. “If you say so,” she said, before tentatively putting the spoon in her mouth.</p><p>She took small sips, spacing them out as she slowly filled her stomach. The warmth spread through her body in a comforting wave, soothing her dry throat and filling her mostly empty stomach. Her insides still did somersaults down there, churning uncomfortably between the heavy drugs she’s been on and all the throwing up. But it was an easy fill, and she drained the entire mug, feeling satisfied, but also not too full.</p><p>She felt a little better with the food in her stomach, but her head still ached, and her joints felt like they were scraping against each other.</p><p>She groaned as she leaned forward and set the empty mug on the table in front of her, feeling her muscles tremble from the strain.</p><p>“How do you feel?” Adrien asked, scooting closer to her and laying his hand on her forehead. He lightly grimaced as he felt her cheek, “You still feel pretty hot,” he said, his voice quiet.</p><p>She liked the gentleness, and she leaned into his touch and scooted closer to him, resting her forehead on his shoulder and letting his fingers brush through her hair. She stayed there a moment, relishing in his touch and memorizing the brushes of his fingertips for when he stopped. He didn’t stop though, and for those few, tender moments she captured inside the safety of his shoulder, she grew an odd warm feeling in her chest.</p><p>It wasn’t the same one when Adrien would kiss her, or when he’d hold her through all her sobbing and crying. It wasn’t even the moment when he arrived back to the hospital that day, and they talked, and talked, and worked out their problems and… it came out better than she thought.</p><p>This feeling felt like the moment Chat Noir held her for the first time in years, this felt like the moment he came back, and she realized he wasn’t an illusion. This felt like the night he asked her to be hers finally, by cradling her sides and kissing the darkness she had put on herself while he intimately bonded with her.</p><p>This felt like she was touching his soul, and yet it was such a simple action and embrace, him fiddling with her hair while she buried her face in the crook of his neck. A gentle flicker of candlelight ignited in her chest, and she felt that glow warm her heart in a way it hasn’t been warmed in a long time.</p><p>It wasn’t exactly healing… but it was something.</p><p>She could, again, feel the afterglow.</p><p>She nuzzled closer into him and turned her head before she pressed her hot lips to his neck in a simple, closed mouth kiss. “I love you,” she said, taking his other hand which rested in his lap and held it between them.</p><p>She could feel his grin, “I’m never gonna get used to you saying that.”</p><p>“Well, you’re gonna have to,” she said, a small laugh in her voice as she leaned back to look at his face. “Cause I’m gonna be saying it all the time from now on.”</p><p>He only stared at her with soft wonder, before reaching up and tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.</p><p>“I don’t mind that,” he said quietly, dropping his hand. “I love you to.”</p><p>She hummed at the way the words rolled off his tongue, and it made her stomach do a happy flip.</p><p>He smiled at her, before reaching out to her mug on the kitchen table. “You done?”</p><p>“Yeah,” she responded, watching him as he stood from his spot, taking his mug as well. She stood with him, following him around the couch and into the kitchen.</p><p>A flash of tile catches her eye and she looked to the side. Across the room, a door was cracked open and inside she could just make out a glass shower door and a black tiled bathroom. Seeing the cleansing room, her body suddenly felt hot, and sticky, even more than what the fever was doing to her.</p><p>“Can I grab a shower?” she asked Adrien as he started loading the mugs and other dishes on the counter into the dishwasher.</p><p>He paused a moment, giving her a wary look. “Alone?”</p><p>She pressed her lips together, “Well, yeah.”</p><p>He was quiet for a minute, continuing to load the few dishes into the dishwasher, rinsing and soaking them in soapy water.</p><p>“You sure that’s a good idea?” he asked, looking back at her as he picked up a plate to rinse it.</p><p>She stiffened, annoyed by his avoidant of an answer. “Well, I don’t wanna smell like a dead body,” she remarked.</p><p>The plate he was just moving to the dishwasher suddenly fumbled out of his hands and landed on the hardwood floor. It made a load crash noise as it shattered on impact, the pieces bursting like a firework outwards and making both Adrien and Marinette jump backwards. She made a loud <em>eep </em>noise while he gasped loudly and staggered back to avoid hitting his bare feet.</p><p>“Dammit,” Adrien muttered angrily once the dust had settled. He crouched down and began picking up the broken pieces around the floor, a cross look on his face. “You don’t just say stuff like that, Mari.”</p><p>She crouched down with him, picking up a few pieces herself as she gave him a perplexed look. “Like what?” she asked.</p><p>“Like smelling like a dead—” he stopped abruptly as he raked a hand through his hair before looking at her. “Just… just sit down while I clean this up,” he said, picking them up quicker this time.</p><p>“I-I can help,” she insisted, picking up the pieces and laying them in the palm of her hand. She felt a little ashamed from her remark earlier, and it triggered a need to make it up to him somehow.</p><p>“No, no, I got it,” he said, grumbling to himself.</p><p>She shook her head and felt a little emotion swimming behind her eyes. “It’s okay, I can help.”</p><p>“I said, I got it,” he snapped, giving her a hard look.</p><p>Marinette froze, a shattered plate piece in her fingers halfway from the floor to her palm. She stared at him for a minute, pressing and biting her lips as she felt a familiar hurt start growing in her chest.</p><p>Adrien studied her for a minute, before he seemed to spot the slight panic in her eyes as she finally turned them downwards.</p><p>“Oh… Mari. I-I didn’t—” he stopped, cringing as she dropped her head to the floor. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to snap at you.”</p><p>She sniffled and shook her head, hating herself for showing the hurt in her eyes as she tried to hide the tears about ready to fall down her face. She hated that she was this fragile.</p><p>“It’s fine,” she said, her high pitched, strained voice saying otherwise as she began picking up the pieces on the ground again. “It’s fine.”</p><p>She collected only two pieces before Adrien had moved, making her freeze in her attempts at cleaning as he took her shaking hands. He stopped her cleaning, taking the small handful she had and pouring it into his own waiting palm. He dropped them on the counter above them before gently taking her hands, and she completely stilled at his touch, but avoiding his eyes all together.</p><p>His grip tightened around her fingers before he stood up, pulling her with him and that’s when she finally moved, allowing him to guide her. He drops his hands to her waist and suddenly he’s lifting her, causing a surprised gasp to escape her mouth. He set her down on the island countertop gently, forcing her to meet his shy gaze as he took his hands off her, before turning back to the mess.</p><p>She lets her thumbs play with each other as she watched him take a couple minutes to clean up the rest of the mess on the floor. It only takes him another minute to quickly sweep up the tiny pieces into a dustpan then toss it into the garbage under the sink.</p><p>That’s when he slowly turned back to her, rubbing the back of his neck as a nervous tick. He avoided her eyes for a minute, before meeting them hesitantly. He stared at her, then slowly walked up to her, standing close to her as he took her hands and rubbed her knuckles with his thumbs.</p><p>“I’m sorry I snapped at you,” he said, meeting her eyes with real regret in his eyes. “I got frustrated and I took all my anger out on you… and that’s not fair.” His voice was gentler, calming, and more sincere as he smiled at her wistfully. “Let’s just… not mention anything about being dead, alright?”</p><p>Her blood went cold, and her heart skipped a couple beats before she rushed on, fully realizing what she had done.</p><p>“Oh, I—” she shook her head, feeling horrible. “I-I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking. It won’t happen again,” she said, rushing to reassure him.</p><p>“Hey, it’s okay,” he said, smiling at her before touching her face gently, his fingertips featherlike on her cheek. “All’s forgiven, My Lady.”</p><p>She smiled in relief, slouching her shoulders and looking into his eyes, having a hard time finding a reason to worry when she’s got the perfect view in the world.</p><p>“Okay,” she whispered, before tentatively leaning forward.</p><p>Adrien met her halfway, gently taking her cheek in one hand and tilting his head as he pressed his lips to hers. The serene ocean breeze that passed over her heart was like a long-awaited moment, like watching the blue waves roll over each other on the sand. Tranquil, was a good word, but the peace in her heart was another thing entirely.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hope you guys enjoyed! Looking forward to posting the next few chapters &lt;3<br/>Afterglow is actually coming to an end!</p><p>See y'all next time! &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0036"><h2>36. Intimacy</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>After a strange nightmare, Marinette seeks some solitude, but she doesn't realize that's not what she needs.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Warnings: Mentioning/Want to Harm Oneself, Triggered Panic Attack.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chapter 36: Intimacy</p><p> </p><p>The storm around her raged like a vengeful giant, a voice rumbling along with the thunder and snapping at her like the lightning. Marinette tried not to get drawn in by the chaos, but like the natural order, she was inclined to inch closer. Her nature beat her will to survive, if the last few days hadn’t taught her a few things about herself, she walked away at least knowing this. She recognized the sting of the freezing cold wind, icing and smoothing against her features as it felt like her skin was being peeled off.</p><p>The wind snapped at her, blowing her hair back and forth, like it was trying to pull her one way then the other. She felt like she could hear the lost souls speaking to her under the whisp of the wind, like a gentle whisper hidden in the depths covered up by the loud storm. But the storm couldn’t hide the screams she heard, not even when she covered her ears and tried to block it out. No, the screams were coming from inside her mind, tearing apart her mental state and slowly bringing her closer to insanity.</p><p>Like a river overflowing a stream, the dam broke and she looked to the sky to see two angels, one pure white and the other crimson red as they fought like lions in the sky. They each held a large sword in their hand, power bouncing off it as they hit one another over and over again. Lightning and thunder shook the unrecognizable street she was on, and she tried not to flinch every time there was a clash of nature against nature.</p><p>But even as the fight between the two seemingly invincible beings progressed and the damage on the buildings around them crumbled to mere dust, they would not stop. Marinette could only watch in pure horror as they continued to fight, one side versus another, both seemingly knowing what their fighting for. They were both fighting for an equal cause, one side logical and the other side emotional. Both were right, but she couldn’t decide which one was the decision she had to go with.</p><p>Their swords clashed once again, and the blinding flash of light and terrible roll of thunder is what forced Marinette awake and flinching against the soaked sheets.</p><p>She was facing an open window, with rain pouring down on it as a storm raged outside. Lightning flashed and attempted to strike the buildings, but it was no use, but its attempts were still fiery and dangerous. Thunder rolled like an angry troll with a fever, like the rumbling anxiety that boiled in her stomach and made her all the more alert, yet distraught.</p><p>Her vision was blurry, and the drowsiness and distraught confusion that hit her sent her into panic mode. She didn’t know where she was, what she was doing here, why she was here and why she felt like she was pinned to this bed she was on. Her side expanded rapidly as she looked around with just her eyes, feeling the adrenaline pounding in her ears as she searched for any indication of where she was. Her hands clenched the wet sheets, soaked through with the sweat that rose above her skin from the anxiety that the dream caused.</p><p>As quietly as she could, she carefully unlocked her fingers around the sheets with a pained strain of breath as she forced her whimper down. Once she freed herself, she rubbed her aching hands from their painful grip before finally noticing the tight embrace around her middle. She momentarily panicked again, feeling another layer of fear roll under her skin and down her body as she felt herself being pinned down. It’s like whoever was holding her refused to let go, so much that his arm practically had wound all the way around her middle in a tight embrace.</p><p>The uncomfortable weight on her waist is what made her slowly twist her head around, straining her neck to see who exactly was holding her down.</p><p>Adrien’s mop of blond hair was lopsided against the pillow behind her, his mouth hanging open slightly as he breathed steadily behind her. She could feel the heat of his breath bouncing off the back of her neck, causing another roll of heat to course down her body in an uncomfortable manner. She was also shaking, not just from the panic coiling inside her stomach, but also from the cold. No matter how hot she felt and how sweaty she was, she felt like a freaking icicle that kept getting melted then frozen all over again.</p><p>Her panic was quickly replaced with the uncomfortable feeling of this awful fever that kept taking her sleep away from her. She felt hot, then cold, then hot, then back around again, and every time it just continued to get worse. She tried her best to close her eyes, relax back into Adrien’s gentle and secure embrace, but with the heat of his breath and the shiver in her bones, she felt like she was either going to freeze or burn to death.</p><p>She had a hard time getting her trembling hands under control, but once she did, she carefully wrapped her hand around his wrist and gently tore it out from under her. She was able to do that without him stirring, so she gently laid his arm on his side before scooting away from him.</p><p>To say she stumbled out of bed was an understatement. Between her sleep deprived state, pounding headache, distraught from her nightmare, and the heat rolling off her body while she trembled, she had a hard time staying upright. But, with a little help from the bed post, she was able to keep herself upright and push herself off the bed.</p><p>Leaving Adrien sleeping on the bed, she slowly rounded the corner and walked into his bathroom, flicking on the light as she silently closed the door behind her. She flinched at the sudden exposure to light, and she let her eyes adjust to it for a couple minutes before she let herself relax and look around the bathroom. Just like her glimpse from the day before, the black tiles were everywhere, plastered into the floor, wall, and even inside the shower.</p><p>Upon seeing the shower, Marinette was suddenly reminded of her stickiness and the sweat that dripped from her body. She bent her lips in a grimace as she was reminded with how bad she could smell from not showering in over a day while having a fever.</p><p>Cringing at the idea that Adrien has been smelling her the entire time, breathing in her stench while he took care of her, made her feel like she owed both of them a shower.</p><p>Marinette slowly undressed herself, being mindful of her drowsiness and her huge need to sleep. She felt like she could sleep for another few hours, but in all honesty, she hated the idea of returning to those nightmares and finishing them. She didn’t want to see which angel ended up winning. Either of them winning felt like a loss to her.</p><p>Once she was fully undressed, she looked down at the bandages on her forearms, hiding the stitched-up marks there that would most likely be ugly to her. She stared at them for a moment, feeling a numbness inside her as she studied them, like they were suddenly going to start ripping off her skin and revealing the monster beneath.</p><p>She began trembling not just because of the chill in her bones now. The prospect that she could start panicking from just the sight of the wounds she inflicted on herself had her scared and afraid. She didn’t want to face those images again, she never wanted to, but sometimes it just happened.</p><p>She felt a little whisper in the back of her head to go get Adrien for this, just in case she ended up panicking again. She had to admit she was tempted for a moment, the longing in her chest giving her a bad feeling about doing this alone. She was going to have to take these off now, but she didn’t want to do it alone, and having Adrien there to calm her would be enough.</p><p>But then the thought of him sleeping in bed peacefully came to mind once again, and the fact that he had been up for days with barely any sleep taking care of her made the idea less attractive. He deserved a break and a few hours of sleep without worrying about her. Besides, she has been feeling a lot better, besides the fever making her even more emotional than she really was and only amplifying her reactions. She knew the fever made her more fragile and needy, which meant that these weren’t reactions that needed to be worried about. As long as she kept in mind that she was okay, and that it’s okay to gentle with herself sometimes, she’d be okay to be alone for a few minutes.</p><p><em>Be gentle with yourself, </em>she reminded herself, before reaching up and gently taking the end of a piece of tape.</p><p>It was a process, the struggle to pull the tape off the sensitive skin was proving to be not her favorite. The skin was pulled with it and as she neared the already aching cuts pulsated horribly with pain that coursed up her arms. But she reminded herself that she wasn’t hurting herself, rather trying to get it off to have a little bit more room to breathe.</p><p>She finally did get them off, tearing the rest of the bandages off her skin with a sigh of relief before tossing the slightly bloodied bandages into the trash can.</p><p>She steeled herself by taking a very shaky breath, her body trembling all over from the cold and the anxiety in her blood. She didn’t want to look down at them, not yet at least, but she knew she’d have to do it at some point, and she almost wanted to have the privacy and security of letting her reaction be free ranged without worrying about what Adrien would do to help her. She liked his comfort, but she also liked handling things on her own sometimes. Maybe this would help her slowly start coping with her “problems.”</p><p>She closed her eyes and reminded herself again. <em>Be gentle with yourself. You’re in control. </em></p><p>Without opening her eyes, she lifted her arms in front of her, her forearms facing the ceiling above her as she listened to the rain pounding against the roof.</p><p>When she was ready, she carefully opened her eyes and rested her gaze on her arms.</p><p>She didn’t panic like she thought, instead, an overwhelming disgust and hatred for her actions overwhelmed her at the sight of the cuts. She couldn’t exactly see the damage completely done, but the uncomfortable pull of some of the stitches on her skin made her throat close up like she was about to choke. Not all the cuts were stitched up, only the thinner, scabbing cuts were left alone, but the tight stitches that held some of the skin together pulled uncomfortably. She knew there was no way these things would not hurt, but depending on how many drugs she was on in the hospital, she doubted she even felt the pain once. They still ached in a sort, but it wasn’t to the point where she was crying or complaining.</p><p>Her emotional state didn’t falter at first, her eyes staring intensely at each cut like they had a story to tell and she was waiting for the punch line. She felt like she was waiting for a show that wasn’t going to happen, or a jump scare in a horror movie she didn’t want to watch.</p><p>But nothing happened.</p><p>It was the raw, bleeding numbness she was so used to instead.</p><p>Dropping her arms to her side again, she stepped towards the shower and reached inside, pulling the glass door open as she touched the facet. She turned it all the way towards the heat side, waited until it started to warm up before turning it back towards the middle, which was a comforting temperature.</p><p>She held her arms to her chest as she stepped in, closing the door behind her as she put her back up against the stream of hot water. It felt like the water untensed her aching muscles, before she sighed in relief as the pain eased inside her body. She closed her eyes as she backed for into the stream, allowing her hair to get soaked from the warm water, easing her headache a little bit.</p><p>She even turned around and let the warm water hit her from the belly down, washing comforting waves over her. She felt as if she had melted into Adrien’s arms once again, but this time it felt like the first time, and the last time, because she knew she was never letting go of him.</p><p>She smiled at the thought of Adrien, his presence inside her mind giving her a different warmth inside her chest that had nothing to do with the warm water running down her body.</p><p>She spends quite a long time in the shower, her mind constantly knocking on her door with some bad news about her mental state. Of course, she already knew how bad the news was going to be, but she tried to push it from her mind anyway. She could feel her trembling even through the hot pour of the water that lay a comforting blanket over her. She knew she was a little unsteady, especially with the images of the nightmare still clashing in her mind, but with her body and mind as fragile as they seemed, she tried to push those away.</p><p>Although, she is human, and she was bound to slip up eventually. She did slip, and the slip she was expecting, but she wasn’t able to catch herself. It wasn’t like she wasn’t expecting the attack of images, and yet she was still offended they had caught up to her. She guessed it was just her exhausted mind playing games.</p><p>Even if it was playing games, they were pretty good games, and convincing as well.</p><p>But she had control, she reminded herself, as her legs started wobbling underneath her, making her unsteady. She had control over this, she can resist it.</p><p>But in that moment, the only thing she felt like she couldn’t resist was collapsing.</p><p>She was able to stay upright long enough to brace herself against the tiled wall, holding her soaked arm against it as she forced herself to turn around and press her back against the wall. Her mind lashed out of her, and she took a shaky breath as her legs finally gave out and she slid down the wall, the tile rubbing painfully against her back, but she couldn’t feel it.</p><p>The hot water still scorched her skin, icy hot waves blistering her skin and making her tremble harder. Her entire body jerked and shook painfully, like the fever was burning a hole in her body and forcing all the blood to the surface.</p><p>She felt burned, yet frozen at the same time. She tried to fight the images that burned in her head, but the red flashes of panic surged forward angerly and made her flinch. She felt like she was going to breakdown and yet she couldn’t make herself cry, whether she wanted to or not. The pain was just so unbearable that it became numb, which she recognized as her nature.</p><p>It was her nature to automatically numb herself when things got worse, when the pain was too scorching hot, when it felt too random. She didn’t understand the pain as it rippled through her body like a powerful tsunami, merging with her panic that was settled beneath the surface. She could feel it coming like a rising volcanic explosion, the ash burning her skin and the smoke chocking her and clogging up her lungs. She felt like she couldn’t breathe, and yet she could, she just wasn’t allowing herself to breathe anymore. She didn’t think she deserved it.</p><p>She didn’t understand why she felt worse. She should be getting better. She was supposed to be better. Instead, she was going to break again in the same place yet different situation, with these dangerous thoughts running around like little monsters inside her head.</p><p>This was the first time since that treacherous night she’s felt the need to end it all, and it wasn’t a painful, dramatic sequence of events that forced her off the edge. This time, it was just her, and her thoughts, and the need for the numbness to stop. The numbness was so cold, and void that she felt as if she needed to feel something, and her logic was that if that something was pain, or even death, then she was fine with that.</p><p>She felt as if she was watching herself drown in a sea of blood, hers and other’s alike, while she listened to the endless screams of the innocent.</p><p>She didn’t know what her nature would have forced her to do if the door hadn’t opened.</p><p>“Mari?” Adrien enters the bathroom, his figure distorted because of the droplets on the glass door, but she watched him approach the shower.</p><p>She watched him as he opened the shower door and looked down at her soaked, naked form, a similarity of the sorts from a few nights ago, but this time she was awake.</p><p>“What’s going on? You okay?” he asked her, crouching down in front of her and giving her a concerned look.</p><p>She opened her mouth to respond, but was horrified when her voice failed her, the same way it had a few days before. Her throat closed up, and even when she tried to force herself to speak, she ended up choking because her body rejected the very action.</p><p>“Hey, whoa,” Adrien said, leaning closer to her and touching her leg, but as soon as he did, he flinched away, hissing almost. Then, with slight alarm in his eyes, he leaned more in and felt the water, and he gasped lightly. “Jeez, Mari, the water’s freezing.”</p><p>She hadn’t realized it was until he pointed it out, but the chill came full force, and it made her tense and curl more in on herself, shivering from the harsh ice water.</p><p>Adrien had moved around her, grabbing the facet and shutting the shower off before he turned back to her. He crouched in front of her trembling form and studied her with a caring look in his eyes.</p><p>“Is it okay if I touch you?” he asked, sincerity in his eyes.</p><p>She stared at him, before she nodded slowly.</p><p>He reached out to her then, gently cradling her in his arms before bringing her closer to him. His muscles rippled against her, and his warmth made her relax against him, letting him do the work for once.</p><p>She didn’t like being lifted though, it caused an unexpected stab of pain to shoot up her spine as he held her bridal style to get her out of the shower. She tried to hold back her sounds, but she whimpered when he finally did get her out of the shower, and she gasped in pain as he set her down on the toilet seat.</p><p>“Sorry, sorry,” he muttered breathlessly, before turning from her shaking form only for a moment to grab her a towel. He came back seconds later with a large fluffy towel and quickly wrapped it around her shaking, naked form, before bending to one knee in front of her. “You okay? What’s going on?”</p><p>She shook her head and squeezed her eyes shut as her chest throbbed, like a broken heart breaking over and over. She was terrified of how similar she felt to all those nights ago, how terribly it ended that night, and how ashamed she was of it. She didn’t even want to end it like that anymore, she didn’t want to end it at all, and yet her mind kept repeating the things back to her like a mantra, as if the pain was the only thing keeping her alive.</p><p>
  <em>You’re not worth it. This is pity, coming from him. He doesn’t love you. Everyone hates you. You’re such a fraud, and it was all your fault. </em>
</p><p>“Marinette,” Adrien’s voice is what broke through the slowly rising white noise that would no doubt shatter her soul and leave him unable to reach her. “Hey, I need you to talk to me,” he called gently, reaching out and touching her leg. “What can I do? Can you say something?”</p><p>She shook her head automatically, which she guessed was her answer.</p><p>“You… you can’t talk?” he asked confused, but then she nodded, and his eyes became even more confused, but understanding. “Okay, you want me to keep talking?”</p><p>She nodded immediately.</p><p>“Alright,” he said, his eyes turning upwards as he thought for a few seconds, before looking at her again. “Remember that time we were out for patrol and there were some jerks yelling at us about how stupid we looked in our… what was it? Lame excuses for an acrobats audition?”</p><p>She did remember it. It was a time before she had died, they were out for patrol and these punk teenagers were yelling at them as they hung out on a rooftop just talking when those jerks showed up. She was seventeen at the time, and she was just laughing at a stupid joke her partner made when the first girl with spiked pink hair yelled at her from across the street. It wasn’t a very fond memory, considering how uncomfortable it made her, but it was a happy, stupid memory that had her laughing by the next week, and it had Chat Noir in it to, so she let him continue on by nodding.</p><p>“Well, I remember what they were saying and wow,” he said, his voice sarcastic as he laughed shortly. “I have never felt like punching anyone more.” She could feel him study her for a moment, before he continued. “Well, that one girl called you something along the lines of ‘garbage girl with a target on her back’ and you—” he broke into a grin, “You freaking <em>laughed </em>and told her to, and I quote, ‘fuck off.’” That’s when he was laughing, and his smile and the fond memory got her smiling a little to.</p><p>“I will never forget that day!” Adrien exclaimed, shaking his head and looking at her with a fond look in his eye. “It was the first curse word I heard come out of your mouth and I just remember being <em>completely shocked</em>.”</p><p>“And—” she chocked out, wanting to add on with a small smile of her own. “And when I looked over at you, you just looked at me and said, ‘I hope you know how fucking <em>hot </em>you are.’”</p><p>His grin only widened as he playfully touched her cheek, squeezing the skin around her cheek bone as she made a surprised sound from the action.</p><p>“There’s the fucking hot girl I know,” he said, leaning forward and kissing her nose, which had her giggling.</p><p>After a minute of them giggling and playfully fighting each other with gentle hands and slaps on the shoulder, Adrien finally fixed her with a serious, concerned gaze.</p><p>“You okay, love?” he asked, taking one of her hands gently, only holding onto her fingers.</p><p>She looked back up at him, feeling more relaxed and in control. Maybe she should have gotten him in the beginning if he knew how to make her laugh in the midst of her panic.</p><p>“I’m okay,” she said quietly, pulling the towel more around her.</p><p>Adrien glanced down and recognized her insecurity, “You want some new clothes? Something warm?”</p><p>She nodded eagerly, “Yes, please.”</p><p>He smiled, touched her face once before he left the bathroom, his footsteps being heard from the opened door as he walked towards the kitchen. She heard the familiar unzipping of a bag, some shuffling around, and finally it zipped up again, and his footsteps approached the bathroom door.</p><p>“I got you some sweatpants, I hope that’s okay?” he said, giving her an anxious look.</p><p>She nodded, “It’s okay,” she said, as he approached her. He also had gotten her more undergarments and a new t-shirt along with the sweatpants. He helped her stand to her feet and always made sure to have his hands on her in case she fell over, but the wall was providing great support to. She didn’t feel like wearing a bra at the moment, so she rejected that piece, but he helped her into her underwear, sweats and the new t-shirt after he helped her dry off.</p><p>Adrien finally took her hands gently and studied her arms, the insides of them where the stitches were. He was quiet a long moment, his thumbs rubbing her skin gently as he stared down at them for a long time.</p><p>“Did you take the bandages off yourself?” he asked, looking back up at her.</p><p>She stared at him for a moment, before nodding slowly.</p><p>He held her gaze for a moment before looking down at her arms again, his hands still featherlike against her skin. She still trembled from the cold and the fever still burning her insides, but she felt good in his hands, with him standing this close to her. She felt safe, like she was okay with falling as long as he was there to catch her.</p><p>“Alright,” he finally said, before letting her lean against the wall and turning to the sink and crouching down.</p><p>He opened his cupboard and paused, searching around in it before he reached out and took something out from it. It was a white first aid kit, and he opened it and grabbed several pieces of gauze, antiseptic wipes and tape before turning back to her and extending his hand.</p><p>“C’mere,” he said sweetly, giving her a gentle smile.</p><p>She felt put off by his gentle demeanor but trusted him as she slowly let her hand rest in his. He pulled her towards him, guiding her in front of him so her hip leaned against the counter. He dropped her hand for a few moments to tear open an antiseptic wipe package. He took her hand again once he had unfolded it, then twisted her arm so her forearm faced upwards.</p><p>“This might sting a little, alright?” he said, giving her an apologetic look.</p><p>She nodded in permission, and he gently dabbed the wipe on the outer part of one of her stitches. The chemicals just barely touched her still swollen skin, but she held her breath as he only dabbed at her stiches gently, and never rubbed it. The feeling was unpleasant, but bearable as he proceeded to clean each one of her stiches.</p><p>“Sorry, baby,” he said gently, once he was finished with her arms. He let go of her arms to cup her face and press a kiss to her forehead. “I just don’t want them getting infected at all. We need to keep them clean.”</p><p>She nodded, “I know, it’s okay,” she said, pulling away to see his face. “You’re just looking after me.”</p><p>He smiled and pushed some hair from her face, before reaching down for the gauze and tape. She let him wrap her arms carefully, his hands steady and gentle as the light pressure directly on her wounds was uncomfortable, but bearable.</p><p>“I’d say your doctor would be proud of me,” Adrien said with a smile, inspecting his very standard medical work.</p><p>Marinette hummed, inspecting it herself. “Don’t worry, Dr. Agreste, I’m sure you beat level one of treating a wound.”</p><p>He chuckled before wrapping her in his arms, his warm embrace welcomed by her as she hugged him tightly back as well. His warmth seeped into her bones, and despite the uncomfortable heat of her fever slowly coming back from the cold shower she took, she felt like she could never leave. His embrace felt more like home than anything in this world had to offer.</p><p>The love she felt for him was unmatchable by any living being. Her love for him is what gave her the will to live again, at least that’s what she believes. If Adrien was able to bring her out of her blackouts, calm her panic attacks, and somehow settle the waters that kept treading in her mind like some shark waiting for the right time to attack, there was some kind of connection with him.</p><p>Of course, she understands that not even Adrien could hold back the waters some of the time. He suffers to, just as much as she does. Maybe he took a different route and decided to heal instead of rot in his misery, but he knew what pain was, she could tell he felt it just by watching her suffer, or even cry. Sometimes the waters will be too much for either of them, and no doubt they will drown her with her own self-hatred and loathing for herself and her actions. She was used to it, but she still hated it to the point where she… well, you know.</p><p>But Adrien did something weird to her. After five years of ups and downs, of confusion and repetition, and relapses and reoccurrences of the same blackouts and the same nightmares, she recognized something when he came back.</p><p>At first, she thought it was fondness for him, missing him after so long and pent up feelings for him since he left and they never truly got to say those three special words in peace. But as her relationship for him grew, from professionalism, to partners, to best friends, and for a short period of time, they were lovers with his mask still on him. Now, they were sharing the same bed in his apartment, intimately sharing their fears for one another since technically, they’ve seen and found each other at each other’s worse.</p><p>She wouldn’t believe it if she went back in time and told her eighteen year old self to just wait, and be patient, and someday, she’ll be able to finally cry in front of someone and not feel ashamed. She wouldn’t believe it if she told herself a week ago that it was all going to be okay, that if she just waited and <em>called him</em> that he would be there for her first and then they’d settle things later.</p><p>He’s seen her <em>naked. </em>He’s caught her <em>cutting herself. </em>He was the one that <em>found her. </em>He was the one… no… he <em>is the one. </em></p><p>He has seen her at her most vulnerable. Her most <em>intimate. </em></p><p>And they haven’t even started talking about sleeping together yet, which she doesn’t think she’s ready for yet, considering how fragile she was right now. But she never would have believed herself, if a week after she tried to kill herself, she would be sharing intimacy with the person she’s loved all her life.</p><p>She wouldn’t believe it if she said she was starting to feel hopeful.</p><p>That maybe… maybe everything will be okay.</p><p>And that maybe it will stick this time.</p><p>“C’mon, My Lady,” he said, leaning back and taking her hands as he smiled at her. “Let’s get back to bed, yeah?”</p><p>Her drowsiness hit her again, and she suddenly opened her mouth and yawned loudly, covering her mouth to not seem rude, but Adrien only laughed.</p><p>It’s seconds before their back in bed, sharing a comfortable silence with each other as Adrien held her close to his chest. She had snuggled up right under his chin, nuzzling her nose against his neck and inhaling his comforting, warm scent.</p><p><em>This feels intimate</em>, she realized as he brushed his fingers through her hair gently. <em>This feels really good.</em></p><p>“Hey, Mari?” he said, his voice tender, timid, which meant he was about to confront her about something, but he didn’t want to interrupt the intimacy of their position.</p><p>“Yeah?”</p><p>He was silent a moment, continuing to brush his fingers soothingly through her hair, gently pulling on her scalp. His ministrations were comforting and gentle, which gave her ease as she listened to his heartbeat, nervous about what he was going to confront her about. And when he finally did speak, she wasn’t surprised.</p><p>“You do know that… that I can’t really trust you alone right now… right?”</p><p>She tried not to get annoyed, she really did. But it was that same annoyance she gets when someone else is trying to help her when she believes she can do it on her own. She wasn’t some damsel in distress that constantly needs saving, she was Ladybug for crying out loud, she should be the one doing all the saving.</p><p>But then there was the part about her harming herself, and her attempt not so long ago. She had to admit it, she was terrified of someone doing that to her, if the situation was flipped. She wouldn’t stand it, she wouldn’t. So, she was a hypocrite for not accepting the help and getting annoyed when someone offered it, when in turn she would do the exact same thing that Adrien was trying to do now.</p><p>She shifted so she was closer to him, resting her head under his so that she could be pressed against his skin, trying to inhale his scent as best she could. She found herself trembling again, and she tried to hide it as she finally opened her mouth to speak.</p><p>“Okay,” she said, reaching up and fisting his shirt, like she’s done so many times now. “I’ll be more careful. I’m sorry.”</p><p>“It’s okay, baby,” he said, pushing his hands under her shirt and rubbing her bare skin, his touch relaxing her muscles very quickly. “Try to get some sleep, alright?”</p><p>A roll of fear burst in her chest and her grip tightened on him, even as her exhaustion was slowly pushing forward to the front of her mind. She didn’t want it, she didn’t want to face those demons again, or the angels, or the toxic environment of her dreamscape that held only nightmares for her. She could feel them waiting patiently for her return, and she could feel herself getting sick from the idea of even falling asleep.</p><p>“B-But,” she stuttered, her entire body shaking now as she struggled to get out a full explanation. “The n-nightmares—”</p><p>“Shh, it’s okay love,” he soothed, rubbing her back again which calmed her. “I’ll be here if it happens again, I promise.”</p><p>She paused for a moment, taking a deep, shaky breath before closing her eyes, and immediately was lulled to sleep by the constant pounding of his gentle heartbeat.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I hope everyone is doing alright! Just know that each and everyone of you is loved, cherished and precious. Love you all and thank you so much for all the kudos and comments, it really makes my day &lt;3</p><p>Hope you guys enjoy the rest of Afterglow &lt;3</p><p>~happt</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0037"><h2>37. Kiss and Cry</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>A little fluffy and a little teary, and she feels like she can't breathe.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Warnings: Mentioning of Past Physical Assault (Not Sexual), Really bad Triggered Panic Attack, and Light Usage of Drugs. </p><p>This is a looooonnnnngggg chapter lol, you're welcome &lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chapter 37: Kiss and Cry</p><p> </p><p>It was the soft morning glow that woke Adrien from his slumber, a peaceful awakening compared to other mornings. His body felt cold and sluggish, his back freezing cold from how exposed it felt outside the blanket, and his chest warmed by the breathing presence sleeping soundly next to him.</p><p>Marinette was curled into his chest, her face buried in his shoulder as her chest slowly rose and fell against his, her steady breathing gentle and quiet. She was still, and her soundless sleeping made it hard for him not to fidget, since he wanted her to sleep a little longer. </p><p>Her forehead was damp from sweat and the back of her neck had matted hair sticking to her skin. He studied her for a moment and noticed the color in her cheeks and the sweat and heat practically dripping off her.</p><p><em>Her fever must’ve broken last night</em>, he concluded, a sense of relief coming over him as he gently kissed her damp skin.</p><p>His lips brushed her hairline and tingled his spine as he felt her slightly stir against him, but not fully awake yet. One of her hands was tightly wrapped in his shirt in a locked grasp, not white knuckled, but tight enough to signify she didn’t want him going anywhere. Her other hand was tucked close to her chest however, holding its opposite shoulder like she was trying to hug herself. Her legs were tangled with his under the sheets, her feet freezing compared to his warm skin. Her unconscious form seemed frail and anxious, considering the tense lock she has on him and herself, but her breathing was steady, and her trembling was almost nonexistent.</p><p>She felt so small in his arms as he held her, her tiny form just snuggling ever the more closer to him as her body was put at ease. She was either completely relaxed while she slept, or she was getting another mind-bending nightmare that eventually led to a panic attack. He’s had a few of those, and watching Marinette get them almost every night, sometimes more than one, was horrifying to watch.</p><p>But a few weeks ago, she was dealing with this on her own, facing those nightmares with nothing more than the darkness and Tikki for company. And she has expressed how amazing Tikki was in helping her… but all of them knew that she was no Adrien… or Chat Noir for that matter. He had no idea how that worked, how he was able to reach her rather than her tiny best friend. But for whatever reason, he did, and he wasn’t going to waste it when she was suffering like this.</p><p>Maybe inviting her to come stay with him was something he did for himself as well. His intentions were to get her away from the possibility of staying in a mental hospital when she was like this. He understood her wordless begging to him that she didn’t want to go, and both of them knew how bad it would have ended up if he had just let her go. Just like that, faster than a blink of the eye, she would have been gone. And more ways than one.</p><p>He knew her better than anyone else did, he knew she needed to be held in his arms, not held captive in a place that was a mental prison. Her mind was a prison of itself, she didn’t need another one. She needs to be close to him, if the past few days haven’t proven anything.</p><p>He also wanted to keep an eye on her, as much as he hated the idea of being selfish with her, he wanted to make sure he knew everything going on with her. He knew she couldn’t just lean on him with this unbearable burden completely breaking her knees and making it impossible to hold on her own. She had her parents, her friends, Tikki and even Plagg. But she also had him… and for some reason, despite all the hurt and horrible things he did to her, she was relying on him.</p><p>She wouldn’t admit relying on him, but her actions spoke louder than words. He knew how much she needed him right now.</p><p>And, just for emphasis, he needs her to.</p><p>It was a few minutes later before Marinette stirred in his arms, breathing deeply as her mind slowly woke up from its dream state. Her first sign of wakefulness was her unlatching herself from his shirt and smoothing her hand over the fabric, rubbing her hand up until it reached his shoulder and stayed there.</p><p>She hummed lowly and nuzzled her face more into his shoulder, which made him chuckle.</p><p>“Hey, you awake?’ he called softly, looking down at her still snuggled up form.</p><p>She hummed in response and snuggled closer, throwing one of her legs over his waist and pulling him towards her.</p><p>He chuckled at her, wrapping his arm more securely around her waist. “You’re such a snuggle bug, you know that?” he said, a fond smile pulling at his lips.</p><p>She made a sour face, her eyes still closed as if she refused to accept that she was awake now. “Shut up,” she croaked, sounding exhausted. “Or I’ll leave the bed.”</p><p>Adrien snorted, shaking her hip gently which made her groan in response.</p><p>“Stoooop,” she drew out, groaning and holding him tighter.</p><p>“You’re the one that’s threatening to leave,” he said, still smiling. “You gonna leave me here to cuddle myself, Bugaboo?”</p><p>Marinette made an unimpressed hum. “Your Chat is showing, Adrien.”</p><p>Adrien threw back his head and laughed loudly, making Marinette open her eyes finally and adjust her head on his shoulder to look back up at him. He shook with laughter under her light embrace, finding joy in the tiniest bit of banter they were able to latch onto in the peaceful morning.</p><p>“And My Lady’s attitude seems intact,” he said, reaching up and brushing the damp hair out of her face, noticing the tiny smile and glint in her eyes. He hasn’t seen that look on her in a long time, and it made his heart warm as he softened even more to fuss over her.</p><p>“Your fever broke last night,” he stated, feeling her forehead and cheek for confirmation. “How do you feel?”</p><p>She sighed, relaxing her hold on his shoulder a little bit and smoothing his hand over her shirt. “Better, I guess,” she said, her voice still sounding wet or clogged. “I still feel really tired and I have a headache, my stomach feels really weird and crampy.” She seemed to feel the concern coming off his expression since she looked back up at him, seeing it in his eyes before she smiled. “But I feel better, honestly.”</p><p>He smiled down at her, grateful for the break in between her emotional and physical state. “I’m glad,” he said, rubbing her arm gently as he studied her more. “And you?”</p><p>Her eyes had glazed over before he asked his question, then her eyes snapped to his. She looked startled for a second before she relaxed in his hold, drawing small little circles in his shirt as she spoke quietly.</p><p>“I’m okay,” she almost whispered.</p><p>He studied her for a moment, letting her take a few seconds before he met her eyes, finding them shy and timid. They didn’t look scared or frightened, but anxious and tired of lying but also tired of explaining. He knew she wasn’t telling the entire truth, but he also knew when to push her for an explanation and when to take her words. Right now, her eyes were honest, so she wasn’t lying, she was just holding it all back so she could hold onto this fragile moment between them.</p><p>This moment between them was so rare it was vital they latch onto it whenever it comes around. Her mind was calm, her waters were calm, and the storm inside her raging emotions seemed relatively tamed at the moment. She wasn’t lying, but she wasn’t telling the truth either.</p><p>But he took it, because she seemed okay for the moment.</p><p>And he was going to hang onto that moment.</p><p>He reached up and touched her face, brushing the damp locks out of her face and studying her eyes.</p><p>“Okay,” was all he said, giving her a reassuring, understanding smile.</p><p>She leaned into his touch, a silent thank you for leaving it be for now.</p><p>“Can I have some coffee?” she croaked, closing her eyes and dropping her head to the pillow.</p><p>He hesitated, “Coffee might make your anxiety worse, baby,” he said, feeling worse when she made a small groan of complaint. “I can get you some caffeinated tea?” he offered.</p><p>She looked at him with a new light in her eyes, “With milk and sugar?”</p><p>He smiled, finding the glint in her eyes reassuring. “Of course,” he said, before pushing himself to one elbow and looking down at her. “You can stay here for a bit and come to the kitchen when you’re ready.”</p><p>She smiled, a real, tender and lighthearted grateful smile that shone all the way into her vibrant eyes. “Thank you,” she said, the emotion tender in her voice.</p><p>He smiled, leaning down to give her a gentle kiss on her forehead before twisting away from her and planting his feet on the floor. He pushed himself from the bed, stretching his arms and back as he walked to the kitchen and looked under the island, where a kettle was stashed away.</p><p>He was just setting the filled kettle on the stove and turning it on when he finally looked back at the bed, where Marinette still resided.</p><p>She was sitting on the edge of the bed, facing the window with her shoulder pointed at him. The window was dark, since he liked his privacy especially in the mornings, but he also liked to watch the sunset in the evenings. She seemed lost in thought for a second, and he was about to ask her if she was okay before she slowly pushed herself off the bed.</p><p>She faced away from him, and for good measure, before she took the bottom of her shirt and slowly dragged it up her torso.</p><p>Adrien felt his face go red as he watched her completely bare back flex and move as she rolled her shoulders and neck. She tossed the shirt she had been wearing on the bed before slowly leaning over and picking something off the floor.</p><p>As she fiddled with whatever she was holding, Adrien couldn’t help but study her perfect skin and structure from behind. Her shoulder blades peeked out from under her skin, and he watched as her muscles continued moving as she got frustrated with the item she was holding.</p><p>She finally was able to untangle the straps of the bra from one another for who knew how long before she finally wrapped the straps around her torso and clipped them in the back like it was magic. She was turning around as she slipped the straps up her arms and over her shoulders, before repositioning the placement of the bra and what it held.</p><p>He averts his eyes as she slipped the shirt on while she was walking towards him, adjusting it for the final time when she reached his side.</p><p>He feels the pressure of her hand on his back as she looked up at him, making him raise his gaze back to hers. He notices the slight distraught look in her eyes and furrowed his eyebrows, before turning away form the stove to fully face her.</p><p>He took her face in his hands, rubbing his thumbs on her cheek bones gently as he stared into her deep blue eyes that seemed to hold too many things at once.</p><p>“How you doing?” he asked softly, brushing some hair from her face.</p><p>She gave him a look, a look he saw through. “You asked me that five minutes ago,” she retorted, gently tearing herself from his hold.</p><p>“And a lot can change in just five minutes,” he said softly, reaching out and touching her cheek. “You doing okay?”</p><p>She stalled at his gentle touch, her shoulders relaxing when he didn’t even notice how tense she was. She wouldn’t look at him, instead fixing her eyes on the stove and the slowly heating up kettle, which held boiling water inside it. She looked dazed, like she was stuck in a stupor that made it hard for her to pinpoint exactly where her real being was. Where she was supposed to go? What was she supposed to be seeing right now? She looked so lost for a second it hurt.</p><p>“Hey,” Adrien said gently, letting his arm gently touch her shoulder.</p><p>She jumped at the touch and backed away a few steps, holding her hands firmly to her chest as she stared at him with open mouth shock. She obviously hadn’t meant to jump, or even lose focus on the reality, but she had, and with the alarmed look in her eyes he began to worry that something else was going on.</p><p>“What happened?” he asked gently, staring at her in concern.</p><p>She only looked at him for a few seconds before dropping her gaze to the floor, pointedly avoiding his prying eyes. He watched as she began to tremble, a shaking hand raising to her neck and gently rubbing the back of it as her eyes continued to avoid his.</p><p>“What happened with your neck?” he called gently, not daring to step closer in case he scared her again.</p><p>She looked up at his voice and met his eyes. He could tell now that there was something wrong, and though the bruises on her neck were a lot fainter now, he knew something happened. He only didn’t pressure her for it the day they left the hospital because she was fragile and needed to let her be in case it got too much to talk about.</p><p>He knew he was taking a risk by asking about it now, but if his mind was going in the wrong direction and was <em>right </em>about his assumptions, he just might kill someone.</p><p>“U-um,” she stuttered, dropping her hand quickly to her side as if that did anything to hide the fact that something was wrong. She shook her head as if to get a hold of herself. “I-It was just… I was…” she looked up at him as if she was afraid of it being true. “It’s… not a big deal, I’ve dealt with worse and you don’t need—”</p><p>“Marinette,” he interjected, making her stop. “What happened?”</p><p>She stared at him for a long moment, her hand slowly raising back to her neck and gently rubbing it as if to wipe something off her skin.</p><p>“I-I—” she struggled, looking down to try and force it out of her. “S-she came to my work a-and she… she flipped me on the ground and held me down while she—” she chocked a little, but was able to get a handle on her tongue again. “She just… hurt… it hurt.”</p><p>Adrien instinctively stepped closer, staring at her in horror as his chest seemed to cave in. He knew it. He knew that night when they were talking for the first time since she got deakumatized that something was wrong. She seemed distraught, more drawn in than usual, and cut off from reality in the most excruciating way possible.</p><p>So, she had been threatened. And not just threatened.</p><p>“Were you assaulted?” he asked carefully, his voice shaking with fear and anger, but he tried to hide it as best she could.</p><p>She looked at him then, her eyes understanding what he was really asking.</p><p>“Not like that,” she said, her voice cracking with the emotion in it.</p><p>He stared at her, “Are you sure?”</p><p>She was already nodding before he finished his question. “I remember it, Adrien, nothing… like <em>that </em>happened.” She swallowed thickly and carefully wrapped her digits around the front of her throat, her visibly shaking. “She… she was over me though, and she held my head to the floor, switching her grip between my throat and jaw.” She took a deep breath, her shuddering from the way she struggled with admitting what happened. “It… it scared me…” she said, before looking up at him. “But… I’m okay, just… just be gentle with me, please.”</p><p>“Always, My Lady,” he said, taking a tentative step forward and reaching out to her with one hand, his posture asking permission.</p><p>She nodded and stepped closer to him, walking into his waiting embrace and buried her face into his chest. He held the back of her head gently, holding her closer as she shyly wrapped her fingers into his shirt, hanging onto him like she usually does in distress. He knew she was still adjusting to the new feeling of comfort and warmth in the middle of her distress, but he wanted her to know she wasn’t alone.</p><p>“Who was it?” he asked quietly once she was just sniffling against his chest.</p><p>She took a long time to respond. “Lila.”</p><p>He tried so hard not to move one inch, but the very name made him want to break everything in sight.</p><p>He gritted his teeth as he spoke again. “Why was she there?”</p><p>“She…” her voice sounded shaky again and her fists tightened on his shirt. “She threatened me. She knows I’m Ladybug.”</p><p>This time, Adrien pulled away from the embrace to hold her by the shoulders and look down at her face. “And you’re just telling me this because…?”</p><p>She sighed, shaking her head. “There was no point,” she said sadly, looking away from him with shame in her eyes. “I couldn’t. She wouldn’t let me.”</p><p>“Why?” he asked, trying to restrain his anger at the situation.</p><p>She looked up at him. “Because she would out me,” she said, shaking her head. “She said if I told anyone, she was going to kill the people I loved. She was going to kill <em>you. </em>I—” She stopped, taking a breath to control herself, even though he could tell she was slipping already. “I couldn’t risk anyone finding out or else something would happen to the people I love.”</p><p>Adrien got a sick feeling in his stomach, like he was going to throw up just from the disgusting situation that was being laid out before him in such a gruesome, horrific way.</p><p>“Do you think she… she forced you to stay quiet so that… so that you…?” He didn’t know how to word it, but she knew what he was asking.</p><p>She slowly nodded. “That was her plan, I think.” She looked up at him, “A plan to get me out of the way without lifting a finger.”</p><p>He was going to be sick.</p><p>He swallowed his nausea as he stepped forward, cupping her face and lifting her head enough so he could look into her eyes. “You don’t have to do that anymore, okay?” he said, feeling tears prickling in his eyes, but he held them back for her sake. “You don’t have to hide from me, you don’t have to keep me in the dark. I know sometimes it seems like you have no choice, but I promise you—” he gently took her chin in his hand and lifted it since she was beginning to look away. “We’re a team for a reason, Marinette. We work through these things together, and together, we will figure it out.”</p><p>She looked like she was going to break down any moment as well. “Really?”</p><p>He nodded, “You don’t have to do it on your own anymore, okay? You can trust me.” He took her arm and gently pulled her back into a hug, the embrace giving them both comfort and warmth. He was patient with her, since she took a moment to actually touch him. “We’ll figure it out, it’s gonna be okay. <em>You’re</em> gonna be okay.”</p><p>She took a shuddering breath against his chest, “Please stay with me,” she whispered, before grabbing onto the back of his shirt like he was her lifeline.</p><p>He kissed the top of her head, “I’m staying, Princess,” he said, rubbing his hands up her back to ease her tense muscles and emotions. “I’m staying.”</p><p>It was a long time before they let go of each other, and even when the kettle started playing that high note, singing that it was ready, he held her for another few minutes. It was just to remind her there was nothing more important to him than her.</p><p>.               .               .</p><p>The TV played some old black and white movie in the background, Adrien not really paying attention at all, but he could tell Marinette liked it. He couldn’t remember what it was about. At first there was a lady in a white dress that snuck out at night to see the younger man she’s cheating on her husband with. Then suddenly there’s vampires, and the husband is actually a secret CIA agent that married her just so he could get close to the man she was cheating with to kill him. The younger man was a vampire, for your information, but he lost interest in the bizarre movie about thirty minutes in and just scrolled through a book downloaded on his phone.</p><p>Marinette liked it though, since she laid her head in his lap with her eyes watching the movie screen as a gun shot rung out. One of his hands played with her hair, fingering it gently and scratching her scalp because he knew how much she liked affectionate touches while they were relaxing.</p><p>What really drew his attention more than the science fiction novel he was reading was what Marinette was stuffing her face with. Red hot chili powder covered her fingers as she ate flaming hot Cheetos, chewing them easily as if they weren’t just burning her mouth.</p><p>At one point he was concerned about it, because the one time he tried them he could only have a few at a time and Felix called him “childish” when he stole the bag and walked away with it. He bought a bag on impulse at the store the other morning before he went to the hospital to get Marinette, feeling like she’d like them. And he was right, she was gobbling them up like a hungry baboon.</p><p>“How can you eat those?” Adrien suddenly blurted, making Marinette look up at him from his lap. “They literally burn your tastebuds off.”</p><p>Marinette had the audacity to glare at him, “Just because your tastebuds are weak doesn’t give you the right to judge other people’s abilities.”</p><p>He raised an eyebrow, “And this is all because your tastebuds are—supposedly—more superior than mine.”</p><p>She smirked up at him, “You knew I’m better than you.”</p><p>He laughed then, throwing his head back and shaking his shoulders. This girl just gives him pure joy.</p><p>“So, really,” he said, his tone implying he had a lot more to say but was holding it back. “I should just, you know, worship the ground you walk on?”</p><p>“I thought you already did,” she said, popping another Cheeto in her mouth.</p><p>He smirked down at her, “Touché,” he said, watching her as she licked the remaining powder off her fingers, and he grimaced playfully. “You’re disgusting.”</p><p>She glared at him, “You’re annoying.”</p><p>He raised his eyebrows at her, almost like a challenge. “Oh, so we’re doing this again, huh?” he said, readjusting his position so he looked directly down at her face.</p><p>There was a game Ladybug and Chat Noir played exclusively back in the day. They would be playing cat and mouse and banter along with it, as they should, but then it would turn into a “roast battle.” Where whoever says the best roast, wins and has to buy the other ice cream or something. It never meant they said hurtful things, and of course they never meant them. They were usually stupid things, like “disgusting” or “annoying.” And because they knew one another and trusted each other, they never took the words to heart.</p><p>Adrien stared down at her, narrowing his eyes and pretending he was actually focused. “You’re dumb,” he said.</p><p>“You’re brainless,” she shot back immediately, staring up at him with a smug expression.</p><p>He grinned, “You’re stubborn.”</p><p>“And you look like the discounted version of Chat Noir.”</p><p>Adrien’s jaw dropped, “Okay, rude.”</p><p>“Well,” she sniggered, covering her smile as if that would make it better. “You kinda are.”</p><p>“Yeah, but—” he pulled away from her, but he was grinning because she <em>did </em>have a point. “You don’t need to point it out,” he muttered, looking back at her before reaching out to her hand again.</p><p>She giggled and lightly pushed his hand away from her, sitting up and giving him the most devious smirk he’s ever laid eyes on. He studied her for a second, before he reached out again, attempting to gently touch her face, but she pushed his hand away, a playful glint in her eyes.</p><p>Adrien looked at her, feeling offended only in the slightest. “Stop pushing me away. I wanna touch you,” he said, attempting to touch her leg instead, but she hurriedly scrambled off the bed and walked around it, giving him a wide smirk.</p><p>“I bet you can’t catch me,” she sniggered.</p><p>His eyebrows rose, and he stood from his spot, keeping his eyes on her. “You want me to chase you, huh?”</p><p>She giggled and backed away as he started approaching her, but she shook her head and backed away quicker, keeping out of his reach.</p><p>“Adrien,” she said, raising a finger at him like a stern mother. “No.”</p><p>“Oh, yes,” he said, still walking after her with a grin. “You can’t get away from me that easily, Princess.”</p><p>That’s when he reached for her, but she yelped and jumped back, immediately turning and sprinting away from him with him close behind. They reached the kitchen, her getting just ahead of him enough to put the island between them, both of them watching the other for their movements in case they bolted.</p><p>“You’ll never catch me,” she said, a wide grin on her face.</p><p>He gave her a knowing look, wiggling his eyebrows. “I think we both know who’s faster here.”</p><p>She nodded, “Yeah, we do.”</p><p>There was a brief pause of confusion.</p><p>“We’re talking bout me, right?” Adrien suddenly blurted.</p><p>“Nope!” Marinette cried, before bolting from her spot to the side, running to his right.</p><p>She didn’t get very far when she passed only a few feet in front of Adrien, who lunged for her and wrapped his arms around her waist. She shrieked, him lifting her up and spinning her around while she cried out in surprise at the loss of her footing.</p><p>“Shut up! There’s people who live next door!” Adrien cried, talking through his laughter as he set her back on her feet.</p><p>She laughed in her arms with a red tint in her cheeks, holding onto his arms for stability. “W-Well maybe you shouldn’t chase your girlfriend around.”</p><p>He chuckled before kissing her forehead, “As if you don’t want to be chased.”</p><p>She hummed, closing her eyes and leaning into the touch as the moment slowly softened. “You’re right,” she said, her fingers lightly holding his biceps. “It feels good to be chased around by a lost kitten.”</p><p>He laughed out loud this time, “Am I still just a mere kitten to you?”</p><p>“A first born.”</p><p>“Oh,” he said, still half laughing. “I happen to think you’re a puppy,” he said, before he suddenly was tickling her sides, making her cry out in surprise. “Who always likes being tickled!”</p><p>“A-Adrien!” she shrieked, bursting into uncontrollable laughter as he gently attacked her sides, making sure not to hurt her but also leave her completely breathless.</p><p>Once she keeled over from laughter and the overwhelming sensation, he suddenly wrapped his arms under her and swept her off her feet, making her yelp in surprise. She was still immobile from his attack and giggling like an adorable little puppy as he walked with her in his arms, her featherlike weight almost nothing compared to his strength.</p><p>She gasped in surprise when he tossed her on the bed, making her huff in annoyance from how out of control she was of the situation.</p><p>Adrien quickly grabbed the fluffy blanket close by before she could move and tossed it over her, elicited a surprised gasp from her lips. Before she could throw it off her however, he kneeled between her legs and grabbed the corners of the blanket next to her shoulders before he tucked them under her. He then used his forearms for leverage to lay down on top of her, making sure not to crush her. He tucked the blanket more under her, locking her arms under it and against her chest, but she didn’t seem to mind since she was already cuddling into the warmth.</p><p>“There you go,” Adrien said, rather proud of himself. He watched her fiddle with the end of the blanket near her face and saw her pull the blanket over her mouth and nose, nuzzling against it. He reached up and brushed the hair from her face, making her look at him. “Wrapped up like a burrito,” he said, dropping his hand next to her head.</p><p>She hummed as she closed her eyes and nuzzled her nose more under the blanket again, looking adorable all relaxed and cuddled under him. It was a moment before she opened her eyes and wasn’t shy about meeting his gaze, a smile breaking out under the blanket. He couldn’t see her smile, but he saw they way how her skin crinkled around her eyes from the way her muscles pulled on her skin.</p><p>“I wanna see your smile,” Adrien said, reaching up and pulling the blanket from her face, revealing an adorable smile that beamed up at him. He grinned back at her, “Hey.”</p><p>She giggled, her stomach spasming against his. “Hey,” she responded back.</p><p>He smiled at her, feeling his heart lurching in his chest painfully at the beautiful sight of her under him, happy, and cuddled up like a little koala who needed their mother.</p><p>He readjusted himself, pushing his hands under her and cradling her shoulders gently, all the while studying her face as she stared right back at him.</p><p>He looked at her for a moment, before a soft, gentle need rose in his chest, and he tried to contain his want for it in that moment as he spoke tenderly.  </p><p>“Can I kiss you?” he whispered softly.</p><p>Her expression softened from playful to quiet consideration. She didn’t look nervous or scared, because he knew he didn’t scare her. She just was unsure, and he could tell why. With all that she’s been blamed for, with that she blames herself for, she doesn’t believe she deserves that kind of kindness from him. He knew their relationship was fragile and new, but he also knew that he wanted to treasure her, be gentle with her, and love her literally until his heart gave out.</p><p>She doesn’t believe she deserves the kindness of a kiss, but that was okay, because he was there to remind her whenever she was confused.</p><p>Before he could speak, however, she slowly nodded, looking into his eyes, trusting him.</p><p>He slowly closed the gap between them, feeling their breath mingling and dancing around each other in a sway. Her could feel her nerves now, like a bundled-up ball in her chest that was ready to explode in a good way, but she didn’t know it was good yet.</p><p>When his lips touched hers, she did wince, so he was careful. No matter how tough and unbreakable she seemed, she was fragile in those moments of intimacy they shared. He knew she was new to being loved or someone taking care of her, and he wanted her to know that’s what a relationship was. You take care of each other, you lean on one another, you fight for one another. She didn’t understand that a relationship meant being gentle, considerate, and kind to one another.</p><p>The kiss they were sharing just spoke his true kindness for her.</p><p>It was a very gentle kiss, their lips not going farther than just gentle caressing and occasionally capturing again. As the kiss slowed, she became a little more confident and kissed him back, her lips capturing his and gently pulling him closer by the touch. He didn’t know a kiss this simple, this gentle, could leave him breathless. But as it progressed, letting her have control and gain her confidence, he began feeling lightheaded and breathless, like her touch could just send him over the edge.</p><p>He let her have the lead, insisting on it because kindness also meant letting a fragile person have control. Not that he thinks of Marinette as a fragile person but considering her emotions and her very dangerous instincts and thoughts, she was fragile when it came to these moments.</p><p>She was not used to intimacy, but that was okay. He wasn’t used to it either. But letting her have control over the kiss felt very relieving to him, like he was shedding a bit of his fragileness onto her and letting her take care of him. He guessed, that even though Marinette was the one he was supposed to be taking care of, she was also taking care of him. In a different way, that is.</p><p>She took care of him by trying. Trying and fighting. Not giving up and letting him see her vulnerable parts.</p><p>She whimpered as he gently took control back, his tongue sliding against her bottom lip.</p><p><em>That right there, </em>he thought, prodding her lips open and gently asking for entrance. <em>This is vulnerability, and she’s sharing it with me. </em></p><p>She made a small sound between a whimper and moan when he gently pushed his tongue into her mouth, finding hers and doing a small dance with it. He was especially careful with this part, knowing how nervous she was by her slight tremble and her whimpers of nervousness. But he took it slow, just touching her tongue and sliding his against hers, making her feel good but at the same time not overwhelming her.</p><p>The heat in her mouth was hard to fight because he wanted to take this further. He wanted to feel her quiver under him and beg him for more, he wanted to hear those whimpers again, those sounds she was making. He wanted to make her sing with pleasure, only to take her away from both the horrid dream landscape and the harsh reality that she was faced with. He wanted to make her forget, of only for a little while so she could just like in a euphoric dreamlike state while he took the burden from her. He wanted to make that burden fall off her for a while, so she could feel good, feel so, s<em>o good. </em></p><p>But alas, she was still fragile.</p><p>And he didn’t want to break her before he made her.</p><p>Much to her protest, he gently slid his tongue out of her mouth, giving her a few slow and gentle kisses on her swollen lips before pulling away slowly. He let the feeling linger on both of their figures, their lips slowly pulling apart as their intimacy still remained, but was less like a dream anymore.</p><p>He could feel her sudden change in demeanor as he pulled away a little too far, her eyes still closed as her chest suddenly spasmed, a sign she was scared.</p><p>He studied her for a moment, watching her struggle for dominance over her thoughts. He doesn’t know what suddenly triggered her or why, but she was in distress, she was just taking it slower and trying to calm herself. He waited for her, letting her fight it on her own for a moment because he could tell she needed a moment to herself. But he stayed where he was, wanting her to know that he’s close, he’s not leaving and that she’s not alone.</p><p>It was her sudden draw of breath, like she couldn’t breath that drew him closer. He laid his forehead against hers, watching her carefully as her breathing got more intense and staggered.</p><p>“Shh,” he cooed gently, rubbing a hand up her side to try and calm her. “You’re okay,” he whispered.</p><p>She nodded shakily against him, a little too jerky and fast. “I’m okay,” she said, her voice shattering.</p><p>He leaned back to look at her, and that’s when he noticed her very evident shaking and the tears prickling in the corner of her eyes.</p><p>“Why are you shaking?” he asked quietly.</p><p>She opened her eyes then, the emotion there saying more than she can say out loud.</p><p>She shook her head, “I don’t know,” she managed, holding his gaze as panic started to settle behind her eyes.</p><p>“Shh, it’s okay,” he said, rubbing his hand back up her side. “If you need room to breathe, I can move.”</p><p>“No,” she weakly said, but it was obviously meant to be a shout. Her hand pushed away the blanket from her chest and reached out, fisting his shirt again as she took a shattering breath. “Please, stay.”</p><p>He stared down at her, meeting her pleading eyes that looked so full of pain they were hard to look at. But he held her gaze, too scared that if he looked away, she would break right under him.</p><p>“Yeah,” he said, leaning over her face. “It’s okay, I’m here.”</p><p>She released a sob that had been building for some time and squeezed her eyes shut, “Please…” she said, but her voice was so small he barely caught it.</p><p>“What?” Adrien asked, looking at her with a questioning gaze because he didn’t know what she needed.</p><p>Tears started running down the sides of her face and her trembling increased until she was basically vibrating. Her hand that had a fist full of his clothing was white knuckled and the strain on her body was very tense as the panic finally found its mark and attacked.</p><p>“Sweetheart, what is it?” he asked, reaching up and gently brushing the bangs from her eyes.</p><p>“I… I don’t w-want this to e-end,” she said, her trembling worsening as she looked at him with wet eyes. “I… you make me feel normal again and—and I’m so terrified that I’m gonna wake up from this dream that has given me everything I want and I—” she hiccupped loudly and covered her face as she sobbed for a few seconds. She took a large gulp of air before forcing out her next words. “I have a really bad feeling that it’s all gonna be t-taken away from m-me because I’m such a screw up—”</p><p>“You’re not a screw up,” he insisted gently, reaching out and taking her hand away from her face. “You’re Marinette, My Lady, and that’s all you need to be.”</p><p>She gasped lightly for air and sucked in as much air as her lungs could take, before looking back at him with the same fear in her voice.</p><p>“I’m never gonna give you peace,” she said, shaking her head as her bottom lip trembled. “I’m going to be a burden to you. I’m a burden to <em>myself.” </em></p><p>“You’re not to me,” he said, holding her hand and intertwining their fingers together. “You’re <em>not </em>a burden, Mari, and this is <em>not </em>a dream. This is real. I’m real.” He took the hand he was holding and brought it to his chest, before pressing her palm on his heart, where it pounded. “That heartbeat you feel is for you. And us—” he shook his head as he gave her a small smile, trying to be as gentle and insistent as possible. “I’m not going anywhere, you hear? I will literally help you hold onto me.”</p><p>She only stared up at him as he let his words linger for a few moments, before continuing.</p><p>“We’re not ending,” he said, before raising the hand on his chest to his lips, kissing her knuckles. “I love you infinitely.”</p><p>Marinette only stared at him, her eyes filled with shock and wonder as her world seemed to have warped and flipped on its axis. Maybe it was the intensity of the moment, or maybe it was the confusing thoughts and distraught memories running around in her mind, but he could see everything behind those eyes. The way her brain was working in the wrong direction and telling her the wrong things, forcing them through her head.</p><p>It was horrible to watch, and he hated how he could only do so much for her.</p><p>Her face contorted again as another sob raked across her body. “Please stay with me,” she begged, covering her mouth with a shaking hand.</p><p>“I’m staying, I’m staying,” he said, leaning down and pressing his forehead to hers. “I’m not leaving, Princess.”</p><p>Her breathing was staggered again, but her hands are moving to his face and he lets her touch him. Her fingers study his face, gently touching his eyelids and his lips before they cup his cheeks, pulling him down to her.</p><p>It’s the gentlest kiss, only lasting a few seconds before she has to breath again. But the intimate touch seeped into her bones and relaxed her a little bit, even though she still was shaking terribly.</p><p>“Stay,” she begged, latching onto his shirt again and holding him there in a tight embrace. “Stay,” she urged again, a whimper escaping her lips.  </p><p>“Shh, shh,” he hushed, taking her tightly locked hand on his chest and covering it with his own. “I’m not going anywhere. I’m staying right here, alright?”</p><p>She suddenly released a loud sob and cried out, a cry that sounded like she was more frustrated than scared. He could feel the intense battle against her mind, like she was trying to separate fantasy and reality, which is something she should never have to do.</p><p>“Ad-drien,” she sobbed, stuttering over her words. “I’m so s-scared.”</p><p>This is when an ice-cold feeling runs through his veins, and he leans back to stare down at her in concern, watching her writhe in mental agony.</p><p>“Are you panicking?” he asked.</p><p>She could only nod as another shudder went through her, and she tried to curl into a fetal position, but his weight over her wouldn’t let her.</p><p>He knew how much she was going to hate this in the morning, but she looked just as scared as she did the first time she woke up in the hospital with him next to her. He has tried calming her down before, but with a panic attack to this extent, he knew he, himself, nor anyone else could do anything.</p><p>But he was given something. The second bottle the doctor gave him.</p><p><em>“For emergencies only,” </em>he had said.</p><p>“Hey, hey, can you hear me?” he said, trying to get her attention. When she nodded curtly, he continued. “I need you to stay right here and try not to move, okay? I’ll only be a minute.”</p><p>“No!” she cried, latching onto him tighter this time. “Please, s-stay.”</p><p>His heart hurt in his chest, but he needed to get her to calm down. “I need to get you something, alright? It’ll help My Lady, I promise.”</p><p>He’s patient with her, no matter how much she needed him to stay right there with her, he knew what she needed really. Of course, he wasn’t going far. He was only crossing the room to the kitchen, to get the other set of pills the doctor had proscribed, the ones that could knock her out in a couple minutes.</p><p>He knew she hated them, but he also knew she needed to sleep. She needed to be calmed, and no matter how much it hurt him, he couldn’t help her as himself in that moment.</p><p>Her grip on him slackened a little bit, and he took the opportunity to untangle himself from her, which made her start crying harder. He hated how much it hurt her, but this was going to get worse if he didn’t do something.</p><p>He stood up and slipped his t-shirt off before taking one of her hands and giving it to her, which she automatically latched onto. She immediately knew it wasn’t him, and she cried out to him, but he was not longer as close to her as she thought.</p><p>Her cries broke his heart as he sprinted to the kitchen, quickly opening the bottle that was stuffed inside the side of her duffle bag and taking a single pill out. Then, listening to her heartbreaking sobs across the room, he filled a glass full of water before moving back to her as fast as the filled cup would let him.</p><p>“Hey, hey, I’m here,” he said, as he sat on the edge of the bed, holding the pill and glass in one hand as he reached out to her. He brushed the bangs from her face, her eyes squeezed shut which forced tears down her face.</p><p>She had curled up in a fetal position this time, her hands shaking form how hard she was gripping his t-shirt to her chest. She was trembling violently as her mind attacked her mercilessly, and all he could do was watch and wait until she finally opened her eyes to see him.</p><p>“Can you sit up for me?” he asked gently.</p><p>She shook her head, “This isn’t real.”</p><p>“This is real, love,” he insisted, before guiding an arm under her shoulders. “Can you sit up?”</p><p>It took a lot of effort on both their parts, because it seemed that with every move, it caused her physical pain. He would have let her stay in a tight position in order to prevent her from the pain, but he had to somehow put her to sleep so she could calm down. She seemed more cooperative and calmer to his touch, but her trembling and terrified eyes said that she didn’t know what was real or not.  </p><p>“Hey, you see this?” Adrien said, holding up the pill in front of her face. “It’s gonna help you sleep, okay? I think you should take it.”</p><p>She shook her head as her face contorted again, a new wave of sobs raking her body. “No… no more drugs, please.”</p><p>“Hey, hey, darling,” he said gently, touching her face carefully which helped her focus on him better. “I’m not gonna force you, but you need to sleep to calm down for a while.”</p><p>She hesitated, mostly because her eyes looked clouded and distraught. She looked confused yet she seemed to recognize the urgency in his voice. He could tell she didn’t like it, but it was by her own movements she took the pill and the glass of water and lifted them to her mouth. She swallowed it quickly, before she almost dropped the glass on the bed, which he caught just in time.</p><p>Adrien turned around to set the water back on the nightstand, before turning back to her. She was already reaching for his presence when he crawled closer to her.</p><p>She was still clutching his t-shirt to her chest when he pulled her between his legs, letting her curl up against his chest and rest her head on his collarbone. He could feel her presence slowly ebbing as the minutes passed by. She seemed calmer now as the medicine started kicking in, but he also figured it was the water and his arms that helped her calm down.</p><p>One of her hands came up and touched his chest, and tapped an uneven beat against his heart.</p><p>“Th… thank you,” she whispered, before she went completely limp in his arms, her breathing slowing and steadying.</p><p>He listened to her for a moment, before pressing a gentle kiss to her hair and letting her sink fully into the dreams that would hopefully treat her with kindness the whole night.</p><p>She slept soundly for twelve hours.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Poor Mari doesn't deserve what she's going through :(</p><p>Hope you guys are doing good and sending loves to all &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0038"><h2>38. Coma</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Mari wakes up feeling sick at an early hour, but after that it slowly starts looking up. But then the memories come back.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Warnings: Anxiety, Light Triggers. </p><p>There isn't a lot of warnings for this chapter, just enjoy &lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chapter 38: Coma</p><p> </p><p>The waves that sloshed back and forth in her head didn’t feel like the dark oceans that have trapped and maimed her mind in the past. This time, it felt different, more physical, warmer. It burned, like acid on skin and flames on metal, like a piece of her was being ripped out of her torso and being displayed for her eyes to see.</p><p>Maybe it was the way her eyes couldn’t rip away from the bloody mess in front of her, maybe it was the nightmares that have locked her down so hard she isn’t able to wake up from the nightmare. Either way, she could feel her stomach starting to pinch and slosh back in forth in nauseating waves.</p><p>Marinette was barely aware of her body’s reaction as her eyes snapped open after what felt like only minutes of sleep and she stumbled out of bed. Feeling her insides spasm violently inside her and rising to the surface she covered her mouth and sprinted to the bathroom, already feeling the contents pass her lips before she fell in front of the toilet.</p><p>Barely aware of what was going on, she retched and gagged so much that each wave was just followed by another, to the point where she felt like she would pass out from the lack of oxygen. The smell and feeling of her throat being burned was enough for her to gag again, only spilling out a white liquid with a red tint to it, which could only be blood.</p><p>When the waves finally had passed and the agonizing feeling eased, she was able to lift her head away from the toilet, feeling like she had swallowed a whole gallon of salt water. She was still in a cloud of confusion as she tried to squint into the darkness of the room, only a faint light coming from outside the door that gave her a slight sense of security. She didn’t like the way the room felt haunted and echoey, her coughs and hiccups sounding very loud and weak in the smaller space as she tried to remember how to breath.</p><p>She rested her arm against the toilet seat and collapsed on her butt, not having enough energy to even reach for the handle and flush the sickness down the drain. She just buried her eyes in the crook of her elbow and tried to control her shaky breathing as she came down from the horrible pain.</p><p>“Mari?”</p><p>She only gave a groan in response.</p><p>She heard familiar footsteps coming up to her from the side and then a shift in movement as the being sat next to her, crossing his legs.</p><p>“Did you throw up?” Adrien asked, his voice thick from sleep.</p><p>Marinette paused for a moment, before nodding slowly, not even sure if he could see her.</p><p>She got her answer when he rested his hand on her back and rubbed her soothingly. “I’m sorry, babe,” he said quietly, tugging lightly on her hair. “This can’t be easy.”</p><p>She had a feeling he meant more than just the constant vomiting, but she stayed silent instead of addressing it. She had a feeling if she tried to talk, she would vomit again.</p><p>Adrien rubbed her back for a few minutes as her stomach eased a bit before slowly unclenching in her stomach. She still felt awfully and shaky, but the nausea had subsided and the burning in her throat relaxed to a dull ache.</p><p>The silence and touches were helping calm her nerves as well, since she still felt like she was going to bounce off the walls from how much anxiety was coursing through her veins. She tried not to think about the thirst she had and how empty she felt, and how much she ached to just feel better. But with her emotional state combined with her weakened physical health, she felt just as golden as a rusty penny.</p><p>She would blame the sudden sickness on the nightmares, but her mind felt tired and exhausted. When she had nightmares, she’s usually distraught, panicked and confused. She was a little distraught from the veil of sleep still hanging over her eyes, but her senses were fried, and she felt too tired to even try and feel panicked.</p><p>She finally had the strength to lift her floppy arm and grasp at the handle of the toilet, before pushing herself from the toilet seat and closing the lid. She flushed it, the loud noise making her wince and close her eyes as if it was going help. She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and looked down at it, studying her knuckles and palms.</p><p>From the single streak of light outside the bathroom provided, she could see a small stain from wiping her mouth and trying to hold the acid back. She stared at it for a second, wishing she could stand on her own and wash it all away, but the very idea of trying made her feel nauseous again.</p><p>“How you feeling?” Adrien whispered, his voice gentle inside the silence of the apartment.</p><p>She shook her head and closed her eyes. “Awful,” she rasped, feeling her throat being ripped from talking.</p><p>Adrien was silent for a second before he reached out to her clean hand, the one without the stains on it. “C’mon,” he said, before getting to his knees to stand up. “Let’s get you cleaned up.”</p><p>He helped her stand, which was proving her point earlier. She immediately felt like sitting down again after her body was upright and her head spun. Her knees wobbled under her and her ankles felt like they were going to give out under her. She was shaking so bad she swore she saw two Adriens.</p><p>Adrien guided her away from the toilet and helped her on the counter, setting her weak form onto the solid surface so she wasn’t left standing on her own. The act gave him time to step away and grab a small rag from the rack of towels.</p><p>She had closed her eyes when he was moving, but she heard the faucet running beside her and the vague sound of the water being muffled.</p><p>She felt his hand land on her thigh gently and she opened her eyes as he stepped in front of her, a wet rag dripping in his hand. He reached down and gently took the fingers of her stained hand and rubbed the rag across her knuckles, the wetness taking away the gross excess before rubbing away the small amount in her palm. He then folded the rag in half and gently took her face in one hand, his eyes sparkling despite how tired he looked. The rag gently crossed her lips and dabbed at the corners of her mouth, taking away anything else that remained.</p><p>Her chest bloomed with comforting warmth when Adrien gave her a small smile and a gentle caress on her cheek, before turning and tossing the rag in the sink.</p><p>She sighed heavily and watched him run the water over the rag some, steam rising up from the sink because of how hot the water was. He shut it off a minute later before resting his hands on the counters, bowing his head in a way that he was ashamed.</p><p>“Do you remember what happened?” he asked quietly, his voice echoing around the room.</p><p>She waited a moment, letting her brain slowly turn back on from the sudden wakefulness and distraught state the vomiting left her in. When it did finally wake up, it showed her images of last night. Fuzzy flashbacks of moments she can’t quite recall yet, and she dreaded the moment they would come back to haunt her. But nonetheless, the dimness of her memory didn’t surprise her, which meant she had either had a panic attack, or she had a blackout.</p><p>She slowly shook her head when he raised his head to look at her.</p><p>The corner of his mouth twisted upward for a moment, before returning to the soft frown he wore of exhaustion.</p><p>“You had a panic attack,” he said softly, reaching to the side and taking something near the corner of the counter. “And… nothing was working so I needed to calm you down.”</p><p>She nodded before dropping her head back against the mirror behind her, closing her eyes as the lingering taste of her insides resided in her mouth. She tried not to think about anything in that moment, afraid it might cause her stomach to spill over again. But her mind was currently in control over everything that her body did, and the emotions from last night flooded in.</p><p>She remembered being scared. Her hand was sore from how hard she was gripping Adrien’s shirt. She remembered feeling the warmth of his body doing nothing for the numbness that was burning her veins. She could still feel the effect of her mind still trying to make her panic, but something was keeping them back. A wall of sleepiness was holding all her emotions back right before they would send her into another hurricane of panic.</p><p>But when she felt his presence leave, she could remember the way how her insides screamed in agony. Her mind was tearing away at her and then her worst fear of him leaving her came true. She just lost it, she lost her sense in reality, she lost her balance, she forgot her living being and where she was. All she could feel was the coldness of him leaving her in that moment, and then everything just went ice cold.</p><p>Then suddenly everything went black, like someone had knocked her out cold. She couldn’t remember much about that moment, only the feeling of warmth and unsteadiness as she dwelled in the land of unconsciousness. She felt like it had only been minutes before she woke up again, stumbling her way to the bathroom before vomiting the little she ate the day before.</p><p>The reaction and symptoms were familiar, and she came to a conclusion.</p><p>“Drugs?” she croaked. Her throat felt so raw from the sickness and she could still taste the vomit and the blood in the back of her throat.</p><p>Adrien looked at her for a second, before nodding slowly.</p><p>She groaned loudly, “Why’d you give me that?”</p><p>“Cause you needed to calm down,” he said, his voice low. He reached out and gently touched her arm, rubbing his knuckles up and down it.</p><p>Despite his gentle voice and gentle actions, she pushed his hand away, frustrated with everything around her. She felt trapped, like a prisoner. She thought by leaving the hospital the drugs would leave her to, and she would finally be able to go maybe a week without vomiting, which she hated doing. But no, apparently the drugs were going to follow her here to, a place that was meant to be helping her.</p><p>Instead, she felt like a dead animal that someone had run over in the road, then having no regards for it.</p><p>“I hate those things,” she groaned again, rubbing her eyes with the heel of her palm. “Why’d you force me?”</p><p>“I didn’t force you to take anything, Mari,” he said slowly.</p><p>“I was distraught and confused, I didn’t know what I was swallowing,” she countered, knowing that was a complete lie. She remembered that part, getting handed the pill and the water, swallowing it, feeling a sense of heaviness fall over her before she was just gone.</p><p>“You knew what it was,” he said softly, stepping in front of her. “I made sure you knew.”</p><p>She gave him a tired look. “I’m so tired of drugs, Adrien,” she said, her voice cracking. “Why couldn’t you calm me down this time?”</p><p>He gave her a hard look, the first one she’s seen in days.</p><p>“I’m not always gonna be able to calm you down, Mari,” he said, only a small bit of spite on his tongue. “Sometimes it’s going to be too much for me to handle, and sometimes you will need more than my help.”</p><p>She looked at him, feeling a small spot of shame spot on her heart and she bowed her head. She tried to hide the hurt behind her eyes, but she also knew he was right. She hated taking criticism, especially since she takes it like it’s an insult when really it could be something that could help her.</p><p>She also knew he was trying to help her, and in that moment, he didn’t know what to do.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” she said, too exhausted to lift her head again. “I know you were just trying to help me.”</p><p>There was a brief pause.</p><p>“I’m still trying to help you,” he said, gently cupping her chin and lifting her head to see her eyes. His own gaze was soft again and apologetic as he stared at her. “I’m sorry love, I didn’t mean to snap at you.”</p><p>Her heart softened as well, and she melted under his touch. She leaned forward and used their close proximity to reach out and touch his chest, which was bare for some reason. She splayed her palm over his heartbeat, his steady, calm and lulling. His forehead touched hers and she felt his hands gently touch her arms, one sliding down her arm and spreading it over the one on his heartbeat, the other finding her hand and holding it.</p><p>She doesn’t know what comes over her in that moment, but she suddenly gets a rush of emotion. Not like she wasn’t already feeling such things, but her heart unexpectantly swelled in that moment. She could feel the intimacy of their silence connecting their hearts and syncing them. She could feel the way how her breathing shifted from normal to shallow and light, like she was afraid of breaking this special moment. His body leaned towards hers and pressed close to hers, physically overwhelmed by his presence and not wanting him to step away at all.</p><p>In that moment, she felt her heart swell with something other than pain. Not for the first time ever, but something else took the heavy weight inside her and gently touched it, gently easing it. It felt like a gentle caress on her skin, a gentle intimate brush of bare skin and caring touches. She felt like she was being intimate with him without fully committing to the physical part.</p><p>Of course, that would come later, since in no way was she emotionally ready for that intense intimacy. She has heard that, from people who have had the experience with someone they love, it is like a sharing of something—a sharing of selves. She once heard that it was also the touching of souls and the merging of two beings becoming one and syncing for a period of time. They say the first time is nerve-wracking, exciting, and deliriously pleasurable.</p><p>But they’ve also said you can’t understand it until you let your lover lay you down and trust them with your body. With your soul.</p><p>She doesn’t yet trust herself with her body, since she has never pleasured herself and spent the time she could’ve, hurting herself instead.</p><p>She doesn’t know if she could give that part of her away just yet, not even to Adrien, when she can’t even think about doing anything besides harming her body.</p><p><em>But this is good, </em>she told herself, letting him wrap his arms around her and remain in their close intimate moment. <em>This is something I can allow myself for now. </em></p><p>“I’m sorry you got sick, baby,” Adrien whispered, genuine regret in his voice. “You… you had a bad episode last night and I needed to calm you down.” He paused for a long moment, but by the way his breath released, she could tell he had one more thing to say. “You scared me for a second. You… you were just so upset and <em>terrified</em>.”</p><p>Marinette didn’t know how to respond at first, so she took a few moments to collect her thoughts before speaking.</p><p>“I know…” she whispered back. “I don’t remember everything though…”</p><p>“That’s okay,” he said, softly pecking the space between her eyebrows. “I’d rather you don’t remember it, actually.”</p><p>She looked at him then, his eyes still turned downwards and his forehead still against hers, but she could still feel the way how he must’ve felt in that moment.</p><p>“Was it that bad?” she asked.</p><p>He met her eyes, which were very close to hers. He nodded.</p><p>She took his silence as an invite back into his intimacy, and she closed her eyes as he pulled her closer, despite how close they were already. In those following moments of silence, she took the time to start building temporary walls around her memories, specifically the ones of last night. She knew this isn’t what Adrien would want, but she also knew she wanted nothing to disturb this closeness she found with him. She also knew she wanted to have a dreamless sleep once she let herself fall back to unconsciousness.</p><p>She’d deal with them later. She just didn’t want to deal with them right now.</p><p>She sighed heavily once she was in control again and leaned back only inches to see his eyes, which were also saying the same thing she was.</p><p>“What time is it?” she asked.</p><p>“Almost six am,” he said, running a hand through his hair.</p><p>She groaned, which earned a small laugh from Adrien. “Can we go back to bed now?”</p><p>He smiled through the darkness and the haze of the morning hours. “Great idea,” he said, before gently pulling himself from her embrace.</p><p>She missed his contact but felt his hands on her hips before he gently lifted her off the counter and set her on her feet again. She tried not to focus on the moving walls from how exhausted she felt and just put one foot in front of the other, holding tightly to his hand.</p><p>The eventually found their way to the bed once again, and they both flopped onto it like lazy potatoes. She was too tired to even get into the covers, but she felt Adrien wrap the fluffy blanket around her curled up form before he got under the linens himself. He pulled her under with him before lazily resting his arm over her waist and burying his face in the back of her neck, which made her feel warm inside.</p><p>“Goodnight, My Lady,” he said, before his breathing evened and he fell asleep.</p><p>She giggled weakly, “Good<em>morning, </em>Kitty.”</p><p>They fell into a dreamless slumber.</p><p>.               .               .</p><p>She awoke alone this time. She was searching with her hand for his presence but was only rewarded with the warmth he had left behind. Marinette opened her eyes then, a sour coldness settling in her chest like a frosty steel railing. Her arm was splayed on his side of the bed, the sheets rumpled and creased from his weight as well as the warmth of his body still lingering.</p><p>She rolled onto her back, groaning as she made her long and horrible journey to his side of the bed. She brought the blanket wrapped around her more around her neck and cuddled deeper into it, curling into a ball as her body soaked up his warmth. She missed his presence and touch, so this was the best she could settle with.</p><p>But that was when the smell invaded her senses, and she was suddenly wide awake.</p><p>She opened her eyes again and lifted her head off the bed, looking over at the kitchen and seeing Adrien himself standing in front of the stove with two pans steaming only a little, stirring the contents in it with no shirt on. </p><p>“Adrien?” she called weakly.</p><p>He looked over his shoulder and grinned at her, “You’re awake Princess! I’ve got something for you over here.”</p><p>“Whatever it is, smells good,” she said, dropping her head back on the pillow and cuddling further into his lingering warmth and closing her eyes.</p><p>She heard him turn the stove off before his familiar footsteps echoed as he walked to her once again. She cracked her eyes open just as he came around to the side of the bed she was closest to and saw him smiling down at her.</p><p>“You’re gonna have to get up to come eat it,” he said, his tone playful.</p><p>She hummed, “Make me.”</p><p>He laughed and leaned down wrapping his arms around her tiny curled up form. She giggled at his playful energy and let him tease her, but she didn’t give into her secretly growing excitement, even when he was kissing her face.</p><p>“You’re smothering meeee!” she complained, trying to push him away but it was no use since his kisses were addicting.</p><p>“But you’re happy,” he said, acknowledging her small giggles that escaped her lips. “I can’t stay away from you when you’re like this.”</p><p>“You’re hopeless,” she insisted.</p><p>“Hopelessly in lo-ve,” he said, hitching the word.</p><p>“Okay! Okay! I’ll come over!” she said, pushing his face away from hers and pointed at him. “But only if you stop <em>smothering </em>me.”</p><p>He grinned, “No promises.”</p><p>She figured that was all she was going to get out of this and took the deal. Although, she would be lying if she didn’t like his playful kisses. They really did make her happy and sent little sparks of joy down her spine whenever he was being sweet and smitten. He wasn’t trying to be aggressive or deep or even romantic, he was just trying to take care of her and make sure she knows she’s loved. And in moments like these, little by little, she began to believe it.</p><p>“I don’t cook much,” Adrien stated as they neared the stove. He was rubbing his neck the way he does when he’s nervous. “But I can cook some simple things, like scrambled eggs and mac and cheese.”</p><p>“And bacon,” Marinette acknowledged, studying the floppy meat strips in the pan that just didn’t look right.</p><p>He grimaced, “I still don’t know about that one, but I tired.” He shrugged his shoulders like he didn’t care, but she could tell he felt upset that he couldn’t impress her.</p><p>She chuckled and touched his arm, “This is great, Adrien, thank you.”</p><p>He beamed at her, “Anything for you,” he said, before pecking her cheek playfully, making her grin.</p><p>“You should go put a shirt on now, surfer boy,” she said, pushing on his bare chest lightly. “Before I try to jump your bones.”</p><p>She got the intended reaction when Adrien’s face went beet red. “M-Mari?!”</p><p>To say the least, they had a good, fully clothed breakfast of slightly overcooked eggs, floppy bacon and chocolate milk, which made her happy.</p><p>“Why don’t we both cook dinner tonight?” she suggested as they washed the dishes side by side, him washing and her drying. “We can make like, tacos or something?”</p><p>“Tacos?” he questioned, raising an eyebrow at her. “We’re <em>French.</em>”</p><p>She gave him a look, “Well, prince charming, would you like to make <em>Coq au vin?</em>”</p><p>They agreed on tacos, to say the least. Her reasoning: anyone can have tacos!</p><p>The rest of the day was just like their breakfast; playful, happy and endearing. After washing the dishes and putting them in the dish washer, they cleaned up the wet splotches around the sink. Bubbles from the soap were still foaming near the brim, and Marinette couldn’t help herself when Adrien turned his back on her for a moment.</p><p>How unfortunate it was when a loud wet <em>slap </em>hit his arm from behind, making him flinch and turn to a giggling Marinette. He gave her a minute to laugh her butt off before he stalked towards her, grabbing a handful of bubbles and sending water and bubbles her way. It landed in her hair, the cold water hitting her and making her shriek. Droplets rolled down the back of her neck and down her shirt, making her shiver and glare heatedly at a laughing Adrien.</p><p>This whole exchange was a declaration of war. Just after they had finished cleaning the kitchen, their work was pointless as they ran around the kitchen, throwing water and bubbles at each other. At some point, Marinette threw a wet, soapy sponge with food pieces on it on Adrien’s shirt, splattering his clean shirt he just put on.</p><p>He stood there frozen for a second as Marinette laughed, doubling over because the look on his face was so utterly stupid it was laughable.</p><p>“Fine, <em>fine! </em>You win,” he said, giving her a pouty look.</p><p>She giggled, liking the way he looked with that kitten face of his. “We both knew I was going to win this time though.”</p><p>He hummed, “I guess I could relinquish my crown for the Water War,” he said, before giving her a devilish smile. “But we both know I am the victor of the Tickle War.”</p><p>He did catch her after she started running, tackling her on the couch and tickling her sides until she was laughing and unable to breath. He wasn’t letting up until the moment she was begging him to stop, her pride getting in the way from thinking she could take it. But she had to, shamefully, admit that Adrien was in fact the victor of the Tickle War.</p><p>They spent most of the day sitting on the couch and talking, watching stupid movies and occasionally cuddling. She loved it when he would grab the blanket from the side and hand it to her, then when she’d smile and giggle at him, he’d take the edges and wrap her tiny form in it before pulling her closer. She spent most of the day tucked into his side or her head in his lap, letting him play with her hair or scratch her scalp.</p><p>At one point she was lying on her stomach while watching a movie while Adrien sat behind her, pulling her legs onto his lap. He didn’t dare tickle her feet, even though she could feel his fingertips grazing her skin and making her spine tingle. But he didn’t and when she sighed heavily, not entirely sad but not entirely happy either, she felt his shift in movement.</p><p>He moved behind her on the couch, enough room on the huge cushions for him to be on his side with his head propped up on his hand right behind her. She didn’t turn to look at him, either too afraid to see his honest eyes and let herself break under him again. She didn’t want to.</p><p>But he didn’t force her to do anything, not even talk. He just gently reached out to her, his fingertips grazing the skin of her lower back before he gently pushed his hand under her shirt. It’s not like the gesture was new or foreign, he’s done it in the past to help put her to sleep, to ease her panic induced dreams, and even to calm her while she was sick for the hundredth time. But the familiar feeling of his fingernails gently scratching her back and making her sleepy is what calmed her. She was only going to close her eyes for a minute to rest them, but she ended up falling into a deep, peaceful sleep.</p><p>When she woke hours later, she was in a different position, a softer more comfortable position as well. Her head rest on something living and breathing, and her legs were wrapped around something warm and secure and her arms were pushed just under the living breathing thing, like she was hugging them. She could feel the light hand rubbing a gentle line from her side, down her hip and to her thigh, the sweetness of the touch making her heart swell.</p><p>She opened her tired eyes and lifted her head, bringing her arms out and pushing against the cushions for leverage. Green eyes greeted her, first turned to the side and watching the TV that was playing in the background and then meeting hers, a warm smile breaking his face.</p><p>“Hey there,” Adrien said fondly as Marinette slowly woke up from her slumber. “How’d you sleep?”</p><p>She groaned and cuddled him closer, shifting on top of him. “How dare you make me fall asleep.”</p><p>The light chuckle that warmly burst from his chest is what made her smile. “I don’t remember making you fall asleep, darling.”</p><p>She hummed, “Then stop being so gentle with your touches.”</p><p>He hummed as well, leaning forward and pressing a kiss to her hair, “Never, My Lady.”</p><p>They stayed like that for a long time, Marinette determined to stay awake so she could still feel the pleasant feeling the hand going down her side and to her thigh gave. The warmth in her chest and the comfortable pillow Adrien was under her was proving to be difficult factors for her wakefulness.</p><p>“Ugh, I hate you,” she groaned, pushing off him in an attempt to stay awake, but he pulled her back down.</p><p>“No, don’t leave,” he begged, fondness in his tone.</p><p>She couldn’t find it in herself to say no.</p><p>“Why do you hate me?” he asked, a small hint of teasing in his voice.</p><p>She sighed as she allowed herself to relax on top of him again, “You’re so damn comfortable and I hate you for that.”</p><p>He laughed at that then, his laughter making Marinette smile widely at because him being happy, makes her happy.</p><p>She shifted so she could look at him, lifting her head off his chest and instead resting her chin on him and looking up at his face. He had his other arm behind his head while the other one had moved to her back and rubbed under her shirt again. His eyes were tired and sleepy, and there were bags under his eyes that made it look like he hadn’t slept for days.</p><p>“Did you sleep?” she asked, concerned for him.</p><p>He smiled sweetly, “I wanted to make sure to be awake if you needed me.”</p><p>She frowned, “But you’re still sleeping, right?”</p><p>He cringed, “Well… here and there.” He looked at her then and noticed the worried and intrigued look on her face. He smiled at her reassuringly, “It’s okay, My Lady, I know how to go a while without sleeping.”</p><p>“Me to, Adrien, but that doesn’t mean it’s good,” she insisted, still seeing the resistance in his gaze. “I know you want to be there for me, but I’m not going to sleep any better knowing you aren’t sleeping at all. I get that you want to be ready if I have a nightmare or something, but I want you sleeping too, okay?”</p><p>He stared at her a for a long moment, surprised at her lecturing him. She’s done it several times as Ladybug, just because that’s the way Ladybug was with her partner who always goofed around rather than focused on the mission. But she was also one for yelling at him after he did something risky for her and had the <em>nerve </em>to do it <em>again. </em>His reaction was always the same, the small sorry and the speech about “protecting her at all costs” before she would either storm away, stare at him, or start crying. It was usually the last one, but she rarely did it in front of him.</p><p>She does remember a time where she did break down in front of him. And it was for the same exact reason of him being stupid and stepping in front of her, risking his life like the stupid cat he was.</p><p>This is what triggers the waters in her mind to suddenly start sloshing back and forth for the first time in several days.</p><p>Adrien was about to open his mouth and say something when Marinette dropped her head to his chest again, pushing her face into the warmth of him and squeezing her eyes shut. She groaned loudly and whimpered, the waters not going away even as she tried to push them back.</p><p>“Mari?” Adrien called gently, his body tensing from trying to see her. “Hey, what’s wrong?”</p><p>She tried to calm her nerves as the white noise slowly crept into her ears, slightly dimming the noises around her.</p><p>Adrien didn’t hesitate to move. He gently raised them both back up to a sitting position, gently moving her to the couch to give her a little breathing room. He stayed close though, and she found his shirt and was able to latch onto it with a shaking hand.</p><p>“You’re okay, sweetheart,” he said quietly, letting her hold onto him rather than him holding onto her. “You can do this, just focus on me. Try and push it away.”</p><p>She starts panting, her chest feeling heavy. “I can’t, I can already—”</p><p>“Shh,” he hushed, scooting closer to her and taking her other hand. “You’re not there right now, Princess. You’re here with me.”</p><p>She tried to push back on her emotions, tried to let the waters flow from her mind and out of her so she could get a hold on herself again. She hated the idea of floating back into the past when she’s gone so long without a blackout, without a horrid dream that left her shaken. She didn’t want to relive that traumatic event again, she didn’t want to watch <em>his death</em> all over again.</p><p>That was the worse way he had died. Ever. She still had nightmares about it.</p><p>She squeezed her eyes shut and focused on her breathing for a minute, slowing it and trying to get that grapple on her emotions. Every time this happens, every time she’s able to calm herself down, she gets a sense of relief, but she’s always disappointed when she opens her eyes.</p><p>“Adrien,” she said, her grip on his shirt tightening. “Adrien, I can’t see.”</p><p>Adrien was silent, probably knowing there was nothing he could do for her at this point.</p><p>“Alright, My Lady,” he said gently, squeezing her hand. “You’re okay, Mari, I’ll be here when you come back.”</p><p>And with that, her mind took over and she fell into the pit of traumatizing memories and the death that was not her own.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Just a quick reminder that I have a life too guys, I'm not writing every single night and I have shit to do. So when you comment stuff about "how i can't wait any longer" It stresses me out. I appreciate and absolutely LOVE that you're enjoying the story, and thank you for reading it because I work my ass off to just write and somehow balance my life, on top of school, mental health problems, and keeping up with friends. My family is also stressing out too so please don't pressure me. </p><p>You have no idea what some of us writers have to go through daily and you have no idea what someone could tolerate. I'm sorry for ranting but I've been getting a lot of these comments lately. Please PLEASE don't comment stuff like this on my stories or anyone else's, it makes us feel like we are doing a chore when writing is really enjoyable to us. </p><p>I thank and Love all of you that you're reading my stories and I'm not calling anyone out or shaming them, but please know that I feel like I am being pressured for the next chapter. </p><p>Anyways, sorry for my rant, thanks for coming to my ted talk. </p><p>On other news, I have finished writing Afterglow, and the reason why I haven't posted all the chapters yet is because I'm currently already working on something NEW that will be announced at the end of Afterglow, and I need time to prepare for the announcement. </p><p>I'm also blowing up the announcement all over my Insta (being_happy_official) when such day comes. </p><p>Anyways, Thank you guys for reading, I love you all and thanks so much for all the love this fic is getting, I truly appreciate it. Please leave comments like "looking forward for the next update" instead of saying something about how you can't wait any longer. </p><p>Yes, you can. </p><p>thanks guys, much love,<br/>~happt</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0039"><h2>39. One Day</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Have a traumatic blast from the past.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Warnings: Blood Warning, Violent Temporary Character Death, Panic Attacks.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chapter 39: One Day</p><p> </p><p>She doesn’t remember her name, what she looked like, her objective, or even why this victim was akumatized. All she knew was that there were shiny weapons flying everywhere, sticking into the concrete and onto walls, barely missing her cheeks and limbs. She frantically jumped and dodged as best she could, the akuma proving a hard one to beat, and no doubt was going to take every ounce of concentration, idea and strength in her body.</p><p>But you know, that’s her job. There’s nothing she hasn’t seen before.</p><p>Ladybug slammed against the wall behind her after being violently kicked by the akuma with several different knives glistening off her back.</p><p>“Give me your miraculous!” she screeched, throwing another trio of sharp steel.</p><p>Ladybug ducked before rolling to the side, pushing herself off the ground just as another round of knives stuck into the concrete.</p><p>“Never!” the superheroine yelled, jumping up and over the akuma, dodging more blades.</p><p>She jumped and dodged several more knives flying through the air at record speed, with one objective to kill and maim. She landed in a crouch, ducking under another wave of steel flying over her head. She looked up at the akuma, right when she was going to jump and attack again, there was another voice that joined the mix.</p><p>“Well, this fight should be interesting!”</p><p>Ladybug turned her head and felt a flood of relief to see the all too familiar cat boy, seventeen years old, standing on the rooftops above her and giving her the most stupid smirk ever.</p><p>“Oh, <em>now </em>you show up!” she called, smirking right back at him.</p><p>Chat Noir laughed, jumping off the building and landing gracefully on the cement, “I always come when you call, My Lady.”</p><p>She smiled back for him; thankful he finally did show up.</p><p>His face morphed to panic, “Watch out!” and he threw his baton just barely catching a knife coming straight for her face and shoving it to the side.</p><p>She yanked her yo-yo out and began spinning it in front of her, blocking the other two knives that were coming for her just after the first one.</p><p>Chat lunged behind her yo-yo shield, barely escaping the wave of knives coming at him.</p><p>“Pay more attention,” he mumbled to her.</p><p>She looked back at him, irked by his remark. “<em>You’re </em>the one lecturing <em>me?” </em></p><p>He used two fingers to gently push her face forwards, back at the enemy.</p><p>“Focus, Ladybug,” he said quietly in her ear, before he jumped to the side to try and get to his baton.</p><p>Trying to ignore the chills his low, demanding voice gave her, she focused back on the enemy, totally not taking his advice and telling herself she needed to focus. And that it was all her idea.</p><p><em>Stupid pride, </em>she thought.</p><p>Ladybug threw her yo-yo out, latching onto the akuma’s right wrist and yanking it down, forcing her to drop the three knives in her hand. But her left hand was just as good at throwing as her right hand. The second wave of knives came flying to her, and she barely rolled out of the way in time.</p><p>“Chat Noir!” she yelled.</p><p>“On it!” she heard his voice somewhere behind her.</p><p>He leapt over her head, barrel rolled on the cement before coming up right before the akuma and socking her hard in the face. She stumbled backwards, making Ladybug follow with her. Chat used his baton to lock her left hand in place and forced her to drop the knives in between her fingers.</p><p>“The brooch! Cataclysm it!” she yelled, right when the akuma screeched and lashed out.</p><p>She somehow got free from Chat’s iron like grip and forced him to the ground, before kicking him hard in the stomach and sent him tumbling towards Ladybug. He stopped near her feet, wheezing from the lack of air the kick had forced out of him.</p><p>With her attention stalled, the akuma suddenly yanked hard on the yo-yo and dragged Ladybug forward until she was right in front of her. The akuma grabbed her neck, momentarily chocking the air out of her before throwing her against the wall behind her. She grabbed these ropes on her waist and they moved like snakes, like they were alive once she picked them up. She snapped them at the heroine, and suddenly her arms were pulled tight above her and around her waist, pining her to the wall and rendering her useless.</p><p>She didn’t know what exactly these ropes did, but they sent some kind of electrical current up her spine that made fear spike in her heart. An intense fear she’s only had a couple of times, the feeling right before death or a close call. She knew it wasn’t entirely her own helpless situation, but there was that lingering feeling of fear from being pinned down and the combined forces of her partner still a little dazed on the ground, and the fact that she felt paralyzed.</p><p>“Finally,” the akuma said, holding up a larger piece of sharper steel than the other’s she’s thrown at her. It was long and thin, almost like a sword, but it was shiny and less decorative. “I can take care of you, and it should be so much easier taking your miraculous.”</p><p>She readied her long piece of steel, and Ladybug braced herself for the impact. She lunged forward with it, and Ladybug shut her eyes tight, not wanting any of the pain that most likely will follow.</p><p>But nothing like that came. Instead, she heard a loud clang of metal, and something clattering to the ground.</p><p>“Stay away from her!” Chat shouted, pointing his baton at the akuma and his back turned to her.</p><p>“Chat?” she said, involuntarily.</p><p>He turned to her, and gave her a warm smile, “Give me a minute. I’ll be with you in a second, My Lady.”</p><p>She stared at him for a moment, before nodding.</p><p>“Now,” Chat said, turning back to the akuma with a smirk on his face. “Where were we?”</p><p>While they lunged at each other, his baton clashing with her knives, Ladybug took the time to try and free herself from the clutches of these fear inducing ropes. She tried pulling on them and found them a little stretchable; she could pull down on them just enough to fidget and just not far enough to touch her other wrist. She knew she could do something with this, and an idea slowly started forming in her head.</p><p>But before she could tell Chat, everything went wrong.</p><p>There was a loud <em>oof! </em>from where the fight was taking place, and she watched as Chat slammed into the side of a building. It looked like it hurt him a lot, and he was just trying to push himself off the wall, when a knife suddenly flew into his shoulder and pinned him to the wall. He gave a loud howl of pain, his shout echoing around the street.</p><p>“Chat!” she cried, watching as a dazed expression appeared on his face.</p><p>Blood was already pouring from his wound, the knife embedded in his shoulder most likely stopping most of the bleeding. He rested his head against the wall, closing his eyes for a moment before he tossed his gaze over to her. They were both pinned down.</p><p>But she saw the look in his eyes, and he kept his eyes on her as he reached for the knife.</p><p>“Chat, no!” she cried, but he had already gripped it, the edges digging into his gloved hand, before he started pulling.</p><p>The noise that escaped his lips was not a tough, badass shout from what she’s seen in the movies, but a scream. It was not a manly scream; it was a bloodcurdling scream that ripped her heart out of her chest to see him in that much pain. The knife was already deep, all the way through his shoulder and in the wall behind him, so it was a lot of pain getting it out. The process was so slow and caused him immense pain. The sharp edges were cutting through muscles, veins, and most likely some bone as he tried forcing it out. The blood was pouring out of the wound more heavily as he moved the object, which was a dumb move in itself. </p><p>He was still screaming in agony when Ladybug noticed the akuma turning back to her, no longer entertained by Chat’s agony. She was getting another knife ready, gripping it to throw it right through her head, before suddenly the screams stopped.</p><p>And a pounding of footsteps came, Chat, bloody and barely coherent, grabbed the akuma’s wrist and forced her to face him. It wasn’t much good though, as she easily shoved him to the side, making him stumble and almost fall over.</p><p>But she turned her attention back to Ladybug, who was trying hard to break these unbreakable ropes that wouldn’t give ever under her strength. The akuma got the knife ready again, tossing it to the correct grip, reeling back and only seconds away from throwing it.</p><p>Knowing there was no way out, Ladybug shut her eyes tight and turned her head to the side, hoping to dear God it would be over quick.</p><p>She heard a <em>shing, </em>and a <em>squish </em>before she heard a small intact of breath.</p><p>She slowly opened her eyes and looked up, finding Chat standing tall and firm above her, his forearms pressed against the wall on either side of her head. His hair was matted to his forehead and on his cheeks from the sweat pouring down his face. His eyes were open and locked with hers, and the expression on his face was like he was seeing her for the first time.</p><p>“H-Hi,” she stuttered, surprised with how close he was to her.</p><p>He grinned at her, “Hey,” he said quietly.</p><p>Everything in that moment was perfect.</p><p>But that was before he coughed, and blood poured over his lips.</p><p>“Chat?” she asked, confused.</p><p>“U-uh,” he said, coughing again, more blood coming up and drippling down his chin. “I-I’m sorry.”</p><p>And that’s when he lost his balance, tilting to the side before completely losing his footing and falling over on his side.</p><p>That’s when she finally saw the large blade sticking out of his back and going straight through his chest, blood starting to pool around him.</p><p>The first few seconds she didn’t believe what she was seeing.</p><p>The next she was screaming.</p><p>“Chat!” she screamed, her throat ripping apart from the unholy noise. “Chat wake up! Come back! Please!” she cried, searching him for any sign of life, but he had none. She didn’t want him to be gone, she refused to let him be gone. How could he leave her so easy like that?</p><p>“Don’t leave me!” she yelled at his lifeless form. “Don’t leave me, Chat!”</p><p>But alas, he gave no answer. The only thing she could do was stare back into those lifeless eyes staring off into nothing as the blood seeped out of his body.</p><p>“Unfortunate casualty,” the akuma said after Ladybug had stopped screaming. The heroine looked back at her, and the akuma was looking at Chat like he was some dumb dog she had to put down. Then she looked back at her, “But it makes my job so much easier.”</p><p>Ladybug has never made a plan faster.</p><p>Just as the blade was being shoved into her, she craned her head as far to the side as possible then pulled her arm down as hard as she could. Her plan immediately worked, and the blade went straight through the rope rather than her head and was impaled into the wall. She used the wall behind her and the two ropes still attached to her to lift her feet off the ground and kick the akuma back, making her stumble and distracted again.</p><p>Trying to avoid her emotions, she forced the images threatening to make her go insane with grief so she could focus on getting him back. She untangled herself from the snake like ropes, the forced on fear leaving her body when she lost contact with them, before she turned back to the blade imbedded in the wall.</p><p>She ripped it from cement, passing Chat’s body as the akuma attempted to turn and run from the fury running through Ladybug’s veins and showing in her eyes. She kicked her in the back, forcing the akuma down, before bringing the blade down and shoving it through her leg.</p><p>The akuma howled in pain, pinned to the ground just like Chat had been pinned to the wall. Ladybug tried not to think about her actions, but in that moment, all she could think about was getting the miraculous cure and getting Chat back.</p><p><em>The victim would be healed with the cure</em>, is what she told herself.</p><p>She called upon her lucky charm, and a pocket watch landed in her palm, something useless to her now. But after that, she snapped off the brooch of the villain and broke the toxic butterfly free, cleansing it, before reeling back and calling “Miraculous Ladybug!” as she tossed the pocket watch into the sky. She watched the little ladybugs explode above her then went about healing the city.</p><p>She turned to Chat, still lying on the ground and unmoving, and she ran to him, hoping the ladybugs would do their job fast.</p><p>She reached him just as the ladybugs did, and she collapsed next to him as the blade disappeared from his chest, the blood cleared from the cement and the color slowly appeared in his face again.</p><p>His eyes fluttered open; he looked like he just woke up from a cat nap.</p><p>“Ladybug?” he said, as he sat up and looked at her, his eyes filled with concern. “What’s wrong? You okay?”</p><p>She could only stare at him, completely in shock that only minutes ago, he was stabbed right through the heart and collapsed dead on the ground. Now he was awake and asking her if she was okay. She’s never heard anything so <em>Chat Noir </em>in her life.</p><p>She barely felt the tears silently running down her cheeks.</p><p>“My Lady,” Chat said, more quietly this time as he leaned closer. “There’s people watching us.”</p><p>
  <em>Please stay this close. </em>
</p><p>His expression grew confused, and she realized she had said that out loud.</p><p>Chat looked around them for a few moments, almost growling as she felt people trying to get closer. But when he turned back to her, he softened and touched her cheek, trying to get her attention.</p><p>“Let’s get you outta here,” he said quietly. He picked her up then, letting her crawl into his arms before lifting her bridal style and walking away from the crowd she still didn’t care about.</p><p>She closed her eyes as he jumped through the air, letting him do all the work for once since she felt like she could collapse any minute. She hung onto him, like he was her lifeline at the moment, which he is.</p><p>They landed on top of a large building, high enough to see the whole of the city and away from prying eyes. Her transformation was about to drop, so he guided her in her shocked state behind the small building that led to the stairs below, and he stayed with her in silence until the last minute before he walked away.</p><p>She took a few minutes to herself, clearing her mind, crying only a little bit, and listening to Tikki’s soothing voice. She brought herself out of her shocked state and took a deep breath before she retransformed and walked out of her hiding place.</p><p>Chat Noir was waiting for her, sitting on the edge of the roof with a leg propped up to his chest while he watched the orange sunset. She was still in a little bit of shock, and that’s why she said nothing as she approached him but made sure she touched him with her shoulder as she sat down next to him. She used the small amount of contact to ground her in the next few silent minutes.</p><p>“You scared me today,” she said, breaking the silence with her small voice.</p><p>He was silent for a long moment. He breathed in deeply before replying, “I know,” and he’s quiet as well.</p><p>She kept her eyes on the city, watching the lights turning on below her as the afternoon turned to evening. The sun set in front of her was beautiful, but it was hard to look at with the harsh sun rays burning her corneas. The big ball of gas was slowly descending and turning the sky dark, the stars peeking out from their hiding spots as the sun slowly disappeared behind the horizon.</p><p>“I just—” she cut herself off, trying make herself speak without bursting with emotion. “I don’t like watching that.”</p><p>Chat was silent again, but he responded after a minute. “I don’t like seeing you hurt either, you know,” he said, his voice still small and quiet. “That’s why—”</p><p>“You didn’t just get <em>hurt, </em>Chat. You <em>died.” </em></p><p>She finally looked at him then, noticing the way the sun beams accented his features perfectly and making his skin look flawless. She hated how much she softened at his features, because his face was naturally soft and sweet, like the little bit of honey in afternoon tea. She guessed no matter how mad she could be with him, just a soft look from his eyes would completely undo her.</p><p>He kept his eyes on the horizon for a moment longer before finally turning back to her, his eyes clashing with hers in a mix of blue, green and sunlight.</p><p>“I’m not gonna stop protecting you,” he said quietly, somehow keeping his cool even when she was obviously furious with him. She guessed he just understood. “You’re more important to me than anything, and I would never forgive myself is something like that happened to you. I’d rather it be me.”</p><p>“And I don’t know what I would do it you decided to just leave me like that,” she said, countering his argument because she felt the same way. Her entire body was shaking, despite how mad she was trying to be at him, she just felt completely overwhelmed with relief that he was alive and sitting here with her.</p><p>“I’m <em>mad </em>at you, Chat Noir,” she said, trying to sound furious as her throat tightened.</p><p>He studied her for a second, before slowly shaking his head. “No, you’re not,” he said softly.</p><p>Her face contorted, “Yes, I am.”</p><p>He shook his head again, and without saying another word, he reached out to her and pulled her closer. Wrapping his arms around her and embracing her tightly. He held the back of her head as she buried her face into his neck, inhaling his scent as she tried to hold it together. But as soon as he started stroking her hair gently, she sobbed and broke down, mostly out of relief.</p><p>She held onto him and he held onto her, even as she soaked his neck and suit with her tears. She doesn’t know why she’s crying with him; she never does this. The smallest bit of emotions between them could change everything, and everything could be completely ruined, confusing and awkward. She didn’t want to ask him to be anything more than her partner, and it used to be because she didn’t like him like that.</p><p>But things have changed, she’s grown fond of the way he looks at her secretly, she’s felt the way her spine tingled whenever he would let his touch linger a little too long. She was keeping their relationship as a sincere friendship, because she didn’t want to lose him if she were ever to pursue a deeper relationship with him, then they’d break up. She wouldn’t be able to look at him every day if something happened like that.</p><p>But she threw all that out the window in that moment, because then, and for the rest of the days she knows him, she needs him.</p><p>When she had finally calmed down but remained in the safety of his neck, he started to pull away, like he usually does when he feels like he had crossed a line. She would usually pull away too.</p><p>“No!” she yelped, not caring how embarrassed she would feel later about her neediness. “Please… don’t leave me right now,” she said, and for emphasis, she latched onto his collar to keep him close. “Please… stay with me.”</p><p>
  <em>Please stay forever. </em>
</p><p>She didn’t say that one out loud though.</p><p>“Hey, it’s okay, My Lady,” he said, before pulling her closer. “I’ll stay with you.”</p><p>And he did.</p><p>.               .               .</p><p>Marinette felt something snap inside her and suddenly she was back in reality, the memory faded into a vivid dream she would most likely live through again. An ice-cold wave went down her body, filling her with chills and nervous flinches when her brain tried to switch back to reality.</p><p>This was always the worst part of the blackouts, to her anyway. Of course, the traumatizing, wistful memories that plagued her every so often were terrible and keeping her from completely engaging with her thoughts. But when it came to blacking out for who knows how long, then snapping back violently to reality after a traumatizing memory, she always was confused. Then, after confused, she would feel panicked. And where panic is, so was a panic attack.</p><p>But those were of old times, when she was forced, and refused, to ask for help with these things. Now, she had someone who was ready, right next to her, and keeping his word about staying.</p><p>“Shh, shh,” Adrien hushed, his fingertips ghosting her arms. “You’re here with me, Marinette, you’re okay.”</p><p>She wasn’t able to answer at first, not with her lungs squeezing the air out of her. Her chest felt like a balloon was inside it, ready to pop and release another wave of dizzying emotions. That’s what her body usually does, once the panic settles in, her natural reaction is to make it as painful as it can be, even when she herself didn’t want it.</p><p>But this is what she taught herself. This is what she was made to believe.</p><p>“Hey, hey,” Adrien’s voice was still prominent in her ears, and just the sweet melody of it made her feel grounded. “Mari, it’s over. You can calm down now. Can you breathe with me?”</p><p>She looked at him then, only able to see his figure and not his features with the tears blurring her vision. The clouds in her mind were still soaking with the heavy weight the blackout had come with, but his nearby presence was proving effective with how safe she felt, yet still feeling unsteady. Mostly because she didn’t trust herself one bit.</p><p>“I-I can’t b-breathe,” she gasped, struggling out the words when they tried getting caught in her throat.</p><p>“I know, I know,” he said, and suddenly a gentle pressure was on her hand. Her hand was lifted from its tense grip on her leg and placed against something warm and solid. She felt the familiar smoothness of fabric. “Hold onto me, Mari. I’ve got you.”</p><p>It took her a minute to trust herself to move on her own, but once she closed her fingers around his t-shirt and gripped him hard enough to make her hand hurt, it settled a sense of steadiness in her. The next few minutes were torture, because she had to be very patient with herself as her nerves and jerks calmed down. Being patient was definitely something she was not good at, and the horrible tightness in her chest made it hard to breathe which was another factor making it hard to wait.</p><p>“Can you hear me?” Adrien asked softly, and she nodded. “Okay, I want you to breathe with me, alright? In four seconds, hold for seven, then out for eight. Can you do that with me?”</p><p>Once she nodded, Adrien counted down from three before they breathed in at the same time. She felt his chest tighten and expand from the deep breath he took, and it pushed her to match his movements. She breathed with him for a couple minutes before she was surprised to feel the panic at almost faded. She was still careful with it though, and she waited one more minute, before she finally released a shaky breath and untangled her fingers from his shirt.</p><p>They held hands after that, her eyes still closed, and Adrien waited for her to settle.</p><p>After a few minutes of silence, Marinette finally opened her eyes and stared down at their hands, watching as Adrien ran his thumb over her knuckles.</p><p>“Wanna talk about it?” he asked, his voice soft.</p><p>He sounded a lot like that night she just watched over again.</p><p>She slowly nodded.</p><p>“What did you see?”</p><p>She closed her eyes and shook her head, feeling another set of tears rolling down her cheeks. She inhaled lightly, shakily, before responding. “You died,” she whispered, sniffling as the image of him on the ground, blood pooling around him entered her thoughts again. “Remember that akuma with the knives? She was throwing them everywhere.”</p><p>He smiled, “How could I forget? That was the first night you let me hold you for hours.”</p><p>She finally raised her head to meet his gaze, giving him a confused look. “That’s the way you remember it?”</p><p>He smiled and reached up to her, gently brushing some hair away from her eyes. “You mean you don’t remember that?” he asked, and when she shook her head, he continued. “I remember thinking how selfish I felt for what happened, because I was almost happy it did so I could be there in that moment with you. It just… felt so good just to hold you in complete silence.” He looked down at their hands, gently cupping her lonely fingers again and running a thumb over her knuckles. “I remember the best part was when you were trying to get closer to me, except you weren’t saying anything, but I knew.”</p><p>He paused, looking at her for a second as his eyes studied hers, like he was looking for something, and yet he had no idea what he was searching for.</p><p>“I pulled you into my lap, and you were embarrassed, but you curled up comfortably as soon as I put my arms around you. You even held onto my suit the way you’ve been holding onto my shirt the last few days.” He smiled at her, spreading a warmth inside her chest. “You slipped your hand under my collar while you were half asleep and you just touched my skin, and I remember thinking, <em>‘oh shit, this is happening.’” </em>This drew a giggle from her, and he smiled at her small sprout of joy. “You know, your hand was still inside the collar of my suit when you just fell asleep randomly on me, your head against my heartbeat.”</p><p>She smiled at him, reaching up and touching his chest, right above his heart. “I remember that. I remember it made me sleepy and I memorized it.”</p><p>His eyes morphed into hearts, “You memorized my heartbeat?”</p><p>She smiled, nodding as she took his hand again. “What happened after that?”</p><p>There was a huge grin on his face, “I remember I almost started crying when you woke up and pulled yourself off me. I almost whined,” he said, chuckling lightly. “Your eyes were different when you looked at me to. Like…” he shook his head in wonder and stared at her. “Your eyes held something I’ve never seen in them before. They looked vibrant and alive and… I don’t know how to explain it, but that night was the moment I realized…” he paused, a shy blush creeping up his cheeks. “Just how hard I’ve fallen for you.”</p><p>Marinette had to take a long moment to herself after that romantic spill. She has heard the dramatic poems and songs of Chat Noir, how he poured his heart out to her in the cheesiest of ways to the most serious situations. It took her a long time to realize Chat Noir was serious about those three silly words that always popped up between them, only at different times. She’s seen the way he used to look at her in those days, and it’s not like the look changed, but it made her blush when she started looking back.</p><p>But with the beautiful confession Adrien had just simply let spill from his lips, she was surprised how calm and timid her waters were. Usually when a blackout was over it took her a few hours to feel even the slightest bit calm. But as he told her this magnificent story of the night he remembered as one of the best nights of his life, she had focused all her attention on the details of it, and not the raging waters begging for control over her.</p><p>His words, his confessions, and the whole lovely story gave her a sense of calm, and security. She realized that if Adrien told her something good, a story, it calmed the after affects of the blackouts. And maybe, it could help her gain better control over them as well.</p><p>Marinette readjusted her grip on his hand, and the shift made him look up into her eyes, and she met him there as well.</p><p>“Can you do something for me?” she asked shyly, wondering if this will even work.</p><p>He nodded, “Anything.”</p><p>She gripped his hands tighter, “Every time I start to have a blackout, I need you to tell me something nice.”</p><p>He gave her a look, tilting his head in confusion. “Something… nice?”</p><p>She nodded, “Like a story, or something.” She looked down, staring at his giant hands still gently holding hers. “I… think it might help.”</p><p>She felt his shift in movement, then there was the gentle pressure of his lips against her forehead. “Alright, Princess,” he said gently, giving her another kiss there.</p><p>She looked up at him when he pulled away from her space, but not too far away. In fact, it was only inches away when he opened his mouth and asked her something.</p><p>“Can I kiss you?” he whispered, staring at her eyes.</p><p>It took her a minute to decide, because she didn’t want a repeat of the other night. She hadn’t realized kisses could be a trigger for her. But she guessed, with how fragile her mind and emotions were, she was completely scared of intimacy, which is what his kisses and touches always emanated. She hated the idea of ruining a moment with him, especially since she <em>liked </em>kissing him and <em>loved </em>the way it made her feel.</p><p>But there was always that lingering sense of insecurity, that raw part of her that still wanted to keep that part of her to herself. She knew she wasn’t ready for intense intimacy, but she knew that day would come with him, and whether she decided to do it with him tomorrow or next year, she had no idea. All she knew was that she loved him, and she’s willing to slowly give a small part of her to him every single day, until she was ready to face that side of her and let him have control.</p><p>It was the lack of control that scared her. But she had a feeling Adrien would handle her fear gently and always make her feel like she was in control, even when she wasn’t.</p><p>But those were all future things to worry about later. Tomorrow will worry about tomorrow. Today, she can kiss Adrien without being scared of losing him tomorrow.</p><p>She nodded for him, and he slowly closed the distance between them. When his lips gently pressed against hers, all her fear and anxieties immediately washed away, and the gentle gesture completely melted her. She leaned into his gentle touch, letting him take the lead in the very timid and shy kiss. Their lips brushing and caressing very lightly was all she needed to realize that no matter how afraid she will be of that intimacy again when they pull away, she will be able to trust him one day with the deeper parts of her.</p><p>She will one day be able to fully trust him with her depths, her fears and her immense terror of being out of control. She will one day see herself as a treasure to him, and a treasure to this world. She will one day see herself no longer as a piece of grime on the sidewalk, but a passing diamond on the street.</p><p>One day she will be able to love herself the way Adrien, her parents, her friends do. She will see it one day. One day.</p><p>Just like every one of you will see how precious and beautiful and vital you are in this world. There is no doubt you are here for a reason.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hope you guys enjoyed! Sorry for the delay on the upload, had to catch up on my studies. </p><p>Reminder I have a HUGE ANNOUCEMENT at the end of Afterglow!! </p><p>Much Love,<br/>happt</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0040"><h2>40. Home</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>There's a lot of blood in this chapter... I swear it's not what you think.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Warnings: Blood Warning, Want/Almost Self-Harm, Intimacy. </p><p>Not too many warnings for this chapter, just enjoy &lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chapter 40: Home</p><p> </p><p>By the time dinner rolled around, they had professionally argued over tacos and chicken noodle soup. Marinette found out Adrien wasn’t a huge fan of tacos, so they initially went with the soup. As per usual, Adrien was acting like a goofball, and she frequently told him his “Chat Noir is showing.” He wasn’t too amused by it, but she got a good laugh out of it.</p><p>He got her back by making her stir the noodles and broth while he got the fun job of chopping up the veggies and the chicken. She was still a little salty about it, and she glared at him ever time he looked back at her and beamed at her.</p><p>“Stop looking at me like that!” she whined, sending a sprinkle of water droplets at his face.</p><p>“Hey!” he yelped, wiping his face. “I’m handling a knife you know!”</p><p>“You see, that could change if you just handed the knife over to me,” she said, dramatically gesturing at herself.</p><p>He waved a finger at her, “Nah-uh, not happening. You’re gonna stab me right in the back as soon as you have your little fingers wrapped around it.”</p><p>She finally did laugh at that point, because only Adrien could make a joke like that.</p><p>And hide the real reason why he wasn’t letting her handle the knife go almost unnoticed, a reason they both knew. </p><p>She didn’t mind stirring the broth and noodles though, especially since she got a pretty good view of his back muscles working through his shirt. She was pretty sure she had memorized the way his muscles clenched then released as he chopped the ingredients clumsily. Adrien was definitely no cook, but he knew his way around some foods and generic ways to cut things. She was almost sad when he turned around and looked at her, setting the knife down on the cutting board.</p><p>“I’m gonna go to the bathroom,” he said, wiping his hands with a towel. “Please don’t touch the knife.”</p><p>She pressed her lips together, holding back her protests before she nodded. She felt like she had been sidelined for a really important game, even if the game was chopping veggies and boiling noodles.</p><p>Adrien gave her one last look before tossing the towel back on the counter and walking around the island. He crossed the floorboards to his bathroom, straight across from the kitchen, gave her one last look at her, before shutting the door behind him and going about his business.</p><p>The apartment fell quiet, and she felt as if the entire world had just shut off around her despite how alive the city below her really was. She had been so filled with Adrien’s presence she guessed being in a room alone without him was new to her. It felt weird, actually, being alone.</p><p>She didn’t like it at all, despite the peacefulness it came with. But with Adrien, his presence gives her the most peace and he calms her. He knew she hated being alone now, not being able to trust herself completely without thinking of something dark. But there would come a time where one of them would have to leave the room for a moment, push up from the couch or even untangle limbs in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom. She always noticed, despite how discrete he was trying to be, she always woke up when he left the bed in the middle of the night. Whenever he would wordlessly leave the couch to go get some water or tea, she would look to see where he was going to make sure he wouldn’t go too far.</p><p>She hated how needy she was sometimes. But at other times it was okay, because he was there, and he was always waiting with his arms open.</p><p>But sometimes she got impatient when he was gone too long.</p><p>Like now, a minute and he wasn’t back yet. She almost laughed at herself at how stupid she was being.</p><p>She looked over at the cutting board and noticed the unfinished chicken and veggies sitting there, just waiting to be cut. She glanced up at the still closed door of the bathroom and saw no movement of the handle or door.</p><p>She pressed her lips together as she considered, glancing back and forth between the door and the cutting board she was not supposed to be anywhere near.</p><p>
  <em>Please don’t touch the knife. </em>
</p><p>Marinette felt a stubborn spark flare up in her chest. She understood his caution, but she has been around knives her whole life. She’s handled knives during her dark phases and had not even been tempted to harm herself. She was a baker’s daughter for goodness sake; she wasn’t a stranger to anything sharp.</p><p>She stepped towards the cutting board and stopped right in front of it, before slowly reaching out and taking the handle of the knife. It made a <em>shing</em> sound as she picked it up, the metal reflecting the light from above her. It wasn’t that heavy, but the steel did weigh her down a little bit as she studied it for a moment. She took a moment more to look at it before she looked down at the veggies still uncut, and she reached out and took them in a handful and began cutting them against the board.</p><p>It felt good and natural to be doing this now. She hasn’t done it in so long she forgot how good and fun it could be to cook. From the countless times she’s done it with her father and the several times she decided she was going to spend a night cooking by herself. She’s cooked for several people before: her friends, professors, her parents. She’s never cooked for any boy she was interested in before, except for Chat, but she insisted, and then he asked her to dance.</p><p>As she chopped up the veggies, a sense of familiarity overcame her, and the slight bend of her wrist and the solid grip on the knife made her smile. It made her feel like her old self, before the whole incident happened and even before she died all those years ago and was brought back to life. Cooking had always been a part of her, and it reminded her of good times, innocent times.</p><p>The happy little daze she fell into as she chopped made her falter and lose track of where she was for a second.</p><p>She yelped as the knife tip pricked into her finger, cutting open her skin and immediately drawing blood. There was a little flap of skin that opened right in the center of the pad of her finger, a red line slowly forming before dripping over the edge of the opened skin.</p><p>The first droplet of blood slowly made its way down her finger, reaching her palm and resting there for a minute before dropping even further to her heel. Her finger throbbed like a heartbeat where the small wound was, and the pain was only dull, but the feeling felt familiar. Familiar enough for her to still grip the knife like a lifeline, her hand shaking from the effort of keeping her arm up and the grip on the knife.</p><p>The crimson color staining her fingers and palm now with the dull ache of the wound made her mind suddenly start treading the waters. The waters she had spent so long dealing without. But her feet unwillingly walked about ankle deep into the dark waters and stood there, not exactly calm and not steady either. She could feel the light tug of the darkness the color and pain caused, and it triggered a sudden ache in her heart that she could only recognize as heartbreak. It reminded her of moments right before her big decision, days before she finally broke, and how much she wished things could go back to normal.</p><p>She remembered feeling hollow in the most painful way, like she had been carved into exactly what the world wanted her to be.</p><p>And that’s exactly how she felt in that moment.</p><p>“Mari.”</p><p>Something broke her from her daze suddenly, a familiar presence.</p><p>Her vision cleared from the clouds in her mind and she looked up to see Adrien, just closing the bathroom door behind him as he stared at her. His eyes were wide and alarmed, but his demeanor was calm despite the obvious urgency in his voice.</p><p>She had no doubt her parents or some friends would rush across the room to rip the thing from her hands that was threatening her life. But Adrien stayed calm, stayed where he was, and stayed nonthreatening. If someone suddenly jumped her, panicking to get the weapon from her hands and save her life, it would send her into a deep panic mode.</p><p>They stared at each other for a long moment, holding each other’s gaze, one steady while the other one shook violently.</p><p>“Put the knife down,” he said slowly, raising a hand towards her, as if to touch her.</p><p>She slowly tore her eyes off him and looked at the knife in her hand, shining in the light from above her. She noticed the small bits of veggies still stuck to it from wetness and juices, and the small specks of crimson that ran down the sharp edge of the blade.</p><p>She was suddenly reminded of where these thoughts eventually took her in the past, and she immediately felt distaste for the steel.</p><p>She dropped it on the cutting board and stumbled backwards until her back hit the counter behind her, her eyes locked on the weapon sitting beside the cutting board. She had an intense urge to get as far from it as possible.</p><p>Adrien had walked around the counter then, his steps more desperate before he slowed down to stop in front of her. He looked down at her, studying her distraught, clouded eyes before reaching down and taking her hands. He flipped them over, so her forearms were facing up, but she barely noticed his actions. She guessed she knew what he was looking for, but he wouldn’t find any. She didn’t get too far.</p><p>She vaguely was aware of him leaving her for a moment to grab something in the cabinet beside him and pulling something from the top. She heard shuffling, but she was too far into a daze to even watch or figure out what he was trying to do. She felt him take her hand again, the one that was throbbing, and felt a small sting from something wet before a pressure was wrapped around the tip.</p><p>Marinette’s attention was finally grabbed when Adrien gently cupped her chin and made her look at him. His eyes had obvious hurt in them, like he’d been betrayed or hurt by a close friend. She hated that look on him.</p><p><em>I’m sorry, </em>she tried to say, but her tongue felt so heavy. <em>I’m sorry I’m always messing up. </em></p><p>“Why don’t you go sit down?” Adrien suggested gently, gesturing with his head towards the couch.</p><p>She glanced over at it in a daze again, before Adrien gently took her hand and pulled her away from the kitchen. They walked out of it and into the living space, finding the steps before finally making it to the squishy couches that seemed too comfortable to actually be a thing.</p><p>He helped her sit down, her mind still hazy from what happened and the shock of feeling her mind suddenly having the urge to hurt herself again.</p><p>She doesn’t notice when Adrien left, but she turned to him when he sat down next to her on the couch, setting two bowls of steaming, finished soup on the counter.</p><p>She stared at the steam for a minute, watching it curl into the air like a small little dance.</p><p>They sat in silence for a long moment, not even trying to make conversation after what happened. She could still feel the lingering waters of her past self still drowning there, her screams echoing in her head. The funny thing is, is that she could go after her past self, try and pull her to safety and tell her that everything would be alright, that everything was going to get better.</p><p>But she didn’t. Because in that moment, she was doubting all the “progress” she had made, the last few days and the warmth that came with them. She criticized herself for ever thinking it could get better, and she hated how much she hoped and was suddenly let down by her own doing. She didn’t believe there was any end to this agony, this pain that seemed to be evermore.</p><p>In that moment, she doubted she was ever meant to live. That she was a mistake. That she wasn’t meant to be here.</p><p>She doubted that she deserved to survive all those nights ago.</p><p>“You okay?” Adrien spoke, breaking her from her bloodcurdling thoughts.</p><p>She stared at the steam of the soup for a moment, before looking back at him slowly. For a moment she just stared into his eyes and wondered how she could ever deserve to love this angel.</p><p>She slowly shook her head at him before looking down in shame.</p><p>Adrien watched her for a moment before continuing. “What’s going through your head right now?”</p><p>Marinette shook her head lightly, “Some dangerous thoughts.”</p><p>She felt him scoot closer.</p><p>“You don’t have to think like that anymore,” he said softly, touching her leg.</p><p>“Well, I’m sorry!” she snapped at him, her voice hoarse. “I can’t just stop these thoughts from happening! They don’t just go away when I tell them to!”</p><p>“Hey, it’s okay,” he said, still managing a soft tone despite her outburst. “I’m not trying to tell you what to do, love.”</p><p>The nickname melted her, and she relaxed against his touch, allowing him to rub soothing circles against her thigh.</p><p>“Can you tell me what’s going on in there?” he tried again, moving to her back and rubbing lines up and down her spine.</p><p>She let his touch sooth her for a moment, before she took a deep breath and released it shakily.</p><p>“I just—” she was cut off from how tight her throat was. “One minute I’m so content and fine and then the next minute I want to—” she shook her head, unable to say it. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”</p><p>He was silent for a long moment, a sign that he was thinking deeply.</p><p>“You’re recovering,” he said, feeling his eyes watching her. “It’s normal to have a few setbacks and urges to go back to your old coping mechanism.” He was quiet again, and he must’ve saw the obvious unsteadiness in her shoulders. “Nothing’s wrong with you, though,” he said, still rubbing her back.</p><p>“But I don’t know what to do,” she snapped, frustrated. “I’m so tired of fighting with myself and having to choose sides over which part of me is going to take over today.” She shook her head and looked down, still feeling ashamed when she continued, “I don’t think I can do it any longer.”</p><p>“Hey, whoa,” Adrien said, taking her hand suddenly and bringing it to his chest. “Please don’t think stuff like that. It makes me scared when you say something like that.”</p><p>“I know, I’m sorry,” she said, regret in her voice as she looked at her lap. “I just… I don’t know what to do anymore.”</p><p>“You can hold onto me,” he immediately answered, before rounding his fingers around hers and making her take a fistful of his shirt. “Just hold onto me, and I’ll keep your head above water for now, alright?”</p><p>She looked up at him then, finding his eyes urging her to accept the words, let them soak into her heart and settle there. She knew she could let them flood into her and reassure her that she was going to be okay as long as he was there to steady her. But of course, as always, she was scared of letting him see her like that. There was nothing in this world that could stop her from loving this wonderful man in front of her, willing and offering to help her with her burdens. But she has trained herself for so long to worry and care for herself, even if that “caring” was a little distorted.</p><p>But as she stared into his eyes, wishing for something to be true about this, she realized that all of it, all that he promised her, was right there.</p><p>His living breathing body was expanding against her hand as he breathed deeply. His eyes were watching and studying her deeply with the warmth of a lagoon in the summer, and the welcomeness of a homecoming party. She looked at him, and she realized just how thankful she is that she can see him every day, that she can <em>breathe </em>by herself so that she could wake up next to him. And she is so thankful, and happy, she has blood pumping through her veins that keeps her warm, like the way his arms did when he held her close.</p><p>She reached out to him with her free hand and gently cupped his cheek, leaning forward towards him so she could be closer to him.</p><p>“Thank you for saving my life, <em>Chaton,</em>” she said, smiling at him as she stroked his cheek bone. “I’m so happy I’m alive so I can see you every day.”</p><p>Adrien’s face broke into shock for a second, before contorting with emotion and he suddenly looked like he was going to cry.</p><p>“Oh, Mari,” he said, dropping his chin to his chest as he tried to hide his emotional side from her, but the bomb had already been undone.</p><p>He reached out to her with his head still bowed and she immediately scooted closer to him. He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her towards him, sliding her tiny form into his lap and cradling her like a baby. He pressed his forehead to hers as he held her, beginning to rock her back and forth as she fisted another handful of his shirt and <em>held onto him. </em></p><p>He sniffled loudly, “I’m so happy you’re alive, Marinette,” he said, sobbing again. “You scared me so bad that night and I—” he shook violently and cried harder. His voice was tighter and higher pitched when he spoke again. “I don’t know what I had done if I didn’t catch you just in time.”</p><p>She was the one hushing him this time, “It’s okay, Kitty, I’m okay now.”</p><p>He sobbed against her, his tears falling onto her cheeks as he continued rocking her back and forth. “Please don’t leave me, My Lady,” he said, holding her tighter. “I swear, I will always come and save you, I promise. <em>I promise</em>.”</p><p>Marinette didn’t say anything after that, but she just held onto him, and shed a few of her own tears as well. Having no doubt that this angel of a man would hold his promise close to his heart, like he did with her.</p><p>.               .               .</p><p>Adrien woke up the next morning with crusty eyes and a warm presence curled up against him. His arm was wrapped around Marinette’s middle and locking her sleeping form against his chest, making it almost impossible for her to move by herself. He could feel her heartbeat gently pounding inside her chest and he felt her back and shoulders expand from the small little breaths she was taking.</p><p>He couldn’t help but just hold her for a minute, staring at the back of her head while her slumber still held her down. Her arms lay beside her head on the pillow and her legs were tucked up against her chest as she curled into a fetal position. The blanket wrapped around her shoulders and body tucked her close into warm, pleasant dreams.</p><p>She was still asleep when Adrien gently pulled away from her, pulling his arm gently from under her weight and carefully moved away from her. Being as quiet as he could, he padded across the wooden floor and into the kitchen, where he took the glass he was using last night and filled it with water.</p><p>He felt exhausted, but despite how tired he was and how much he wanted to sleep a little longer, it had been drilled into him to be an early riser. For the next two and a half hours while Marinette slept soundly, he sat on his side of the bed and read a book or scrolled through his phone. He didn’t dare do anything that would wake her, hoping she could get as much peaceful rest as possible.</p><p>It was just past ten-thirty in the morning when she finally stirred, Adrien sitting next to her on the bed with a cup of coffee and a book.</p><p>“Good morning,” he said fondly as she rolled over and groaned.</p><p>“You’re way too happy at this hour,” she said sleepily, her eyes still closed.</p><p>He chuckled fondly and set down his book and coffee on the nightstand. “I can’t help it when you’re the one sleeping all curled up next to me.” He reached out to her and wrapped an arm around her, rubbing her back through the blanket, “How do you feel today, Princess?”</p><p>She groaned and rolled onto her back, draping an arm over her eyes. “I don’t feel very good,” she said, a small whine in her voice.</p><p>Adrien furrowed his eyebrows in concern, “Do you feel feverish again?” He reached out to her and touched her forehead, which was normal temperature. “You don’t have a fever or anything,” he said, looking down at her curiously. “You nauseous?”</p><p>She shook her head, “I don’t know, maybe? I just feel awful.” She closed her eyes and dropped her arm, sighing heavily as she took a moment to herself. “I think I’m gonna go to the bathroom, is that okay?”</p><p>“Do you want me to come with you?” he asked, sitting up with her as she started pushing herself off the bed.</p><p>“No, I’m okay, it’s probably nothing,” she said, shedding the warm blanket and giving him a small smile. “I’ll be careful, I promise.”</p><p>He hesitated a moment, remembering the last time she was behind locked and closed doors. He didn’t like the idea of her being by herself at all, knowing that in the past it was never a good idea. But the look in her eyes was honest, and she seemed like she was okay to be by herself for a couple minutes.</p><p>Adrien slowly nodded at her, “Don’t close the door,” he said, a little more hesitant.</p><p>She nodded and smiled, “Okay.”</p><p>She walked around the bed and around the corner to the bathroom door, before disappearing inside.</p><p>Adrien didn’t hear the familiar click of the door completely shutting so he relaxed back against his bed post, resting his head against it and looking up at the ceiling. He heard the familiar silence of Marinette’s lack of presence in the room and he almost laughed at how quiet it used to be. Of course, at times he needed to be quiet for her sake, but her presence was so prominent and loud that it stretched to every corner of the room. It made him happy how much she filled the void space of a place that he called home and made it her home in his bed.</p><p>He loved the way she giggled at the black and white movies and their ridiculousness. He loved the way she sometimes got lost in her good thoughts and he would have to repeat himself because she was thinking about something happy. He loved how she curled up when she slept and hugged the blanket to her chin while she snored lightly. He loved the little cute sounds she sometimes made when she was asleep, and he loved how he could tell the difference between the happy ones and the ones that told him he needed to wake her up.</p><p>He never understood the true meaning behind the word “home” until it was finally made clear to him, that “home” is a person.</p><p>He opened his eyes when he was done soaking in his content thoughts and looked down at the blanket, the fluffy one she was just curled into only a minute ago.</p><p>But that’s when he saw the darker shade against the white and grey linens. Furrowing his eyebrows, he reached out and pulled the fluffy blanket away from the sheet, to reveal a dark, crimson color.</p><p>He only had about a second to recognize what it was before the entire apartment filled with a loud, shrill scream.</p><p>Adrien flew out of the bed, turning the corner and pushing the bathroom door open.</p><p>He felt his heart drop for a second.</p><p>He felt like he was witnessing all those nights over again. As he looked around the bathroom, he felt like he was looking at a murder scene. Except for Marinette who had crumpled to the floor against the wall behind her and was breathing heavily, still alive and snapping her eyes to him when the door slammed open from his entrance.</p><p>“I’m okay, I’m okay,” she said to him as he collapsed to his knees in front of her. She was obviously lying from how pale and panicked she looked, and the look in her eyes was alarmed. “I’m fine,” she said again.</p><p>Adrien looked around the room and at the blood that was on the tiled floor. It was streaked and in a line that lead to her and started at the toilet, like she had fallen and dragged herself away from the toilet. He didn’t really understand at first, because at the sight of blood and it obviously coming form her, he was already going to conclusions.</p><p>“Did you—”</p><p>“No,” she immediately interrupted, still shaking as she tried to reassure him. “No, n-nothing like that.”</p><p>He looked at her, then back at the scene.</p><p>“Then… what did happen?” he asked, still confused.</p><p>That’s when she clamped her mouth shut and looked down, avoiding his eyes like she was ashamed.</p><p>Adrien turned back to the toilet, seeing the red tint in the water and the blood on the floor, leading right towards her, or most specifically, between her legs.</p><p>He looked at her face, still turned away from him, before his eyes dropped to her legs. He finally noticed that her sleep shorts were around her ankles, and she was naked from the waist down. Her thighs were tightly pressed together and shaking, like she was scared.</p><p>Adrien suddenly understood, and it made him feel really dumb for not understanding before.</p><p>“Did you start your period?” he asked quietly.</p><p>Her eyes snapped to his, “W-What?”</p><p>“Your period,” he said, studying her carefully. “Did you start it?”</p><p>Her cheeks suddenly flushed red in embarrassment as she stared at him, before she nodded curtly.</p><p>He gave her a half smile before reaching out and brushing some bangs from her eyes. “Did the blood scare you for a second?” he asked gently.</p><p>Her eyes suddenly flooded with emotion as she nodded back at him. “Um,” she struggled as her voice wobbled from the tears about to spill over. “For—for a second… I thought… that I was—”</p><p>“Shh, I know,” he said gently, running his fingers through her hair. “I know, but it’s okay. You’re not there right now.”</p><p>She nodded, her face contorting. “I know.”</p><p>He reached out and touched her leg, “You can relax now, it’s okay.”</p><p>“I don’t want to bleed anymore.”</p><p>“I know,” he said, stroking her hair. “But it’s natural for you, it’s gonna be okay.”</p><p>She squeezed her eyes shut and leaned her head against the wall, still not relaxing. “I’m so tired of bleeding, Adrien,” she said, her lips bending down as she tried to force back her emotions. “I don’t want to bleed anymore.”</p><p>“Baby,” he said sweetly, reaching out and taking her hand. “You’re not hurting yourself. It’s okay to bleed like this.”</p><p>She groaned and squeezed his hand tighter, tilting her head towards him. She was silent for a long time, just closing her eyes and finally letting some silent tears fall down her cheeks. He let her soak in the peaceful silence for a little bit, letting her grip his hand as hard as she wanted.</p><p>She finally slowly opened her eyes and looked at him, and his eyes were already trained on her face, so he was ready to meet her gaze.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” she whispered.</p><p>He shook his head, “You’re not a burden,” he said, squeezing her hand three times. “I love you, and I’m doing my part in taking care of you.”</p><p>She stared at him for a moment, a confused look in her eyes that looked both relieved and anxious. Adrien knew women’s periods did something weird to their emotions, he just didn’t know how far it went into their eyes and made it look like their souls were drowning as well. Every time he looked into her eyes, he could see both a vibrant, alive woman stronger and braver than anyone he’s ever known. But he also sees the terrified, anxious pieces of her that want to shrivel up and hide in a corner. He hated the idea of her being in more pain than she had to, but sometimes that’s just how it was.</p><p>“I’m—” but she stopped herself, taking a deep shaky breath before finally letting it out. “Thank you,” is what she said instead.</p><p>He smiled, “Of course, My Lady,” he said, before tilting his head at her, implying that he had a question. “You want a shower?”</p><p>Again, there was that part of her that looked like she would shatter into a million pieces if she was shown just a little bit of kindness.</p><p>She nodded slowly at him.</p><p>First, they both cleaned up the tiled floor, Adrien insisting on helping her. Once it was all clean, he had Marinette change behind him while he got the warm water ready for her. He gave her privacy while he did so, his hand under the water a minute past its perfect temperature. Once he heard her stillness from behind him, he slowly turned around to look at her.</p><p>She held a towel to her chest, wrapped around her small body with her bloodied clothes on the floor. He smiled with how cute she looked, despite the exhausted, shaky look in her eyes.</p><p>He reached out to her and gently took her face in his hands, and pressed a tender kiss to her forehead.</p><p>“I’ll leave the door open,” he said, still holding her face as he smiled down at her. “Just yell if you need anything.”</p><p>She was silent for a moment before she nodded back at him.</p><p>He kissed her forehead one more time, letting it linger before he let go of her and stepped around her. He was just about to leave the bathroom, when he heard her weak voice call him from behind.</p><p>“Adrien?”</p><p>He turned back to her just outside the threshold of the door.</p><p>“Um…” she shifted nervously on her feet. “I… I don’t trust myself alone right now.”</p><p>His expression softened, “Do you feel like…” he trailed off, leaving his implication open ended.</p><p>But she knew what he was asking, and she stared at him for a long moment before slowly nodding.</p><p>He walked back into the bathroom and stopped in front of her, “Do you want me to stay with you?”</p><p>He guessed she wasn’t much for talking today, because all she did was nod after that.</p><p>He smiled before reaching out and cupping her cheeks and kissing her forehead again, the intimate touch gentle and sweet.</p><p>“You can get in before me,” he said, trying to offer her a little bit of privacy he knew she needed. “I’ll meet you in a second, alright?”</p><p>She hesitated, before putting on her soft brave face and taking a deep breath. “Okay,” she said softly.</p><p>“I’ll be right back, love,” he said, before turning and leaving the bathroom, shutting the door only halfway and giving her the privacy, she needed.</p><p>He was only gone a minute though, going to Marinette’s duffle bag and pulling out the pads he got her several days ago and some new clothes since the other ones were all bloody now. He took another minute to get rid of his sheets and linens with the blood on it, tossing them in the washer and reaching for the soap.</p><p>“Adrien!” he heard from the bathroom.</p><p>“Yeah!” he called back, pouring the soap in with the bloodied sheets.</p><p>There was a short pause before the next thing was said.</p><p>“Can you come back?” it was quieter, a shy request, but his smile grew fondly at her voice.</p><p>“Yeah! Just give me two seconds!”</p><p>He finished up with the soap and starting the washer and closed the laundry door and headed back towards the bathroom, where running water could be heard. When he pushed the door open, the room was already filling with steam, and the once see-through glass was now distorted from the mist.</p><p>“I’m here,” he said, seeing her foggy figure standing in the stream of water. He set the things he brought for her on the counter, waiting for her to acknowledge him.</p><p>She didn’t respond to him, instead stood there and seemed to be staring down at the floor with her arms wrapped protectively around herself.</p><p>He studied her for a moment, unable to see her expression or anything about her body language that implied something was wrong.</p><p>Adrien didn’t like the idea of invading her privacy, but it’s not like he hasn’t done it before.</p><p>He reached up to the collar of his shirt and tore it over his head before dropping it on the floor. He kicked off his pants and boxers, before stepping closer to the steamy door.</p><p>“I’m coming in, okay?” he said carefully, trying to let her know.</p><p>But she didn’t respond, and this made him even more worried.</p><p>He pulled the door open and stepping into the shower, feeling the warmth only on his toes as he stared at Marinette’s back. Her shoulders were tense, and her body was rigid from the way she was holding herself, like she was trying to hold her organs in.</p><p>He reached out to her but paused. If she was in a daze, he could scare her if he unexpectantly touched her, and he drew back his hand. “Mari?” he tried instead.</p><p>Her back tensed up and he knew she heard him, and he stared at her, waiting for her to turn around and look at him.</p><p>“I don’t want you to see me,” she said quietly, unexpectantly.</p><p>He furrowed his eyebrows, “But I’ve seen you a hundred times.”</p><p>“Adrien,” she said quietly, knowingly. “I meant… <em>see</em> me.”</p><p>He understood when his eyes drifted down her spine, studying her naked back, but not letting his eyes get to far.</p><p>“You don’t need to be embarrassed with me,” he said, being brave and stepping closer to her. “It’s not like I haven’t seen you before.”</p><p>She sighed heavily in front of him, “Adrien—”</p><p>“I’m just saying, you don’t need to hide that part of you from me,” he said, finally reaching out to her and gently touching her shoulder with just his fingertips. “It doesn’t bother me.”</p><p>She shivered at his touch but didn’t pull away. “I know,” she said, her voice slightly shaky. “I’m just… I’m scared of intimacy.”</p><p>Adrien paused, letting that seep under his skin before he took her shoulder a little firmer and tugged on her gently. She hesitated for a moment before going with his movements and turning her body around, so now she faced him.</p><p>“You’re not scared of being intimate with me, are you?” he asked, staring down at her carefully.</p><p>She met his eyes, readjusting her arms so she covered her breasts. “I… I don’t know,” she said, looking at his chest to avoid his eyes. “I’ve just… I’ve been hurting myself for so long I just… can’t really imagine letting myself be… pleasured…” she trailed off, looking away like she was almost embarrassed by the truth.</p><p>He stared at her, feeling a heavy sense of sadness settle over his heart, and like a dumbass, he says, “That’s sad, Mari.”</p><p>She scoffed, “Yeah, I know.”</p><p>“No, no, wait,” he said, stepping closer to her and gently taking her arm. “I’m sorry, I meant… you deserve to feel good about yourself, you deserve to have intimacy with someone you love. I know you’re scared but…” he stopped and studied her, meeting her eyes that watched him for the rest of his statement. He swallowed as he forced himself to continue, “You don’t need to be scared of me.”</p><p>“I’m not scared of you,” she said quickly, grabbing his arm as if to make it clear she wasn’t scared of him. “I’m just…” she looked down and shook her head. “I don’t trust myself with letting someone else have control other than me.”</p><p>He gave her a look, “I’d never have control if you wanted it that way,” he said, taking her hand gently and pulling it to his chest. “I’d never take that from you. I know how the blackouts and the panic attacks make you feel like you’re out of control. But please don’t forget this,” he stepped closer to her, and looked deeply into her eyes. “If we ever decided to go that far with each other, soon, like tomorrow or something, you would always have control. Always.” He let that sink in before he continued in a gentler, more subdued voice. “But… sometimes it’s better to wait until the day you’re ready to give me that control. But that never means I would take it from you.”</p><p>There was a long silence as their eyes bore into the others. He knew she was taking it all in, putting it to heart and trying to run it by her mind and calm herself. He guessed he always knew she was afraid of intimacy, or had a fear of it, he even used to think she was scared of it back before her death. Back when she kept rejecting him and insisted their partnership be nothing more than that. He just guessed she was scared of letting herself be vulnerable with him, which is why he always took those few moments she was in need of him and stored them in his heart.</p><p>Never in his wildest dreams did he ever believe that he would be having a conversation about intimacy with his Lady, in the shower, while she expressed a worse fear of hers.</p><p>He was brought back to reality when he felt her fingertips gently graze over his abs as she stepped closer to him. She had dropped her arms from her chest, but she still looked a little shy under his gaze as he drank in her beautiful figure.</p><p>“I’ll give it to you,” she said, staring up into his eyes. “When I’m ready, but I know I can trust you with control.”</p><p>He smiled down at her, “You can,” he said, leaning forward and pressing a tender kiss to her forehead and pulling her into an embrace. “You can always trust me.”</p><p>There is a brief moment of silence, the only sound was the water hitting the tiles under their feet.</p><p>“I’m not ready,” she mumbled against his chest. “I don’t think I’ll be ready for a long time.”</p><p>He shook his head against her, “Intimacy isn’t always about sex, Mari,” he said, feeling her shuffle awkwardly from the word, but he just continued. “You being here with me, in my arms, talking about your fears, is intimacy.”</p><p>She was still for a moment, “It is?”</p><p>He smiled, before kissing the top of her head, “It is.”</p><p>And that was enough for right now.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Sorry for my hot headedness a while back, I was in a mood. Just comment encouraging things please and I won't get angry XD &lt;3</p><p>Hope you guys enjoyed the chapter!&lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0041"><h2>41. Let the Games Begin</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Title says it all...</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Warnings: Mention of Suicide Attempt. </p><p>No more warnings :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chapter 41: Let the Games Begin</p><p> </p><p>Adrien and Marinette were just stepping out of the shower when they heard a knock on the front door. It wasn’t against the bathroom door, so the kwamis, who have been surprisingly respectful about their privacy the last few days, were not the ones to instigate it.</p><p>Adrien furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. He hardly got visitors; when he was lucky, he would open the door to someone who needed help or by the doorwoman at the front desk on her breaks (he assumed she had a small crush on him). He sometimes got solicitors to, mostly posing as one before they’d snap shots of him shirtless at six in the morning before bolting down the hallway. It usually left Adrien a little frazzled, but he was used to the happening by the third time it happened.  But the point was that he doesn’t know that many people, besides close friends, and he had no family left willing to swing by and say hi.</p><p>“Who is that?” Marinette asked, hiding just behind him as she wrapped a towel around herself.</p><p>Adrien looked back at her; she looked a lot better than she did before. Her cheeks were a healthy shade of shy pink from the steam or her vulnerability, and her wet hair fell down her back and around her shoulders. Compared to the pale look on her face and the anxiety in her eyes earlier, she looked a lot better. She only looked timid and slightly nervous now.</p><p>“I don’t know,” he said and fully turned to her while pulling the rest of his clothes on. “Might be a solicitor or the doorwoman.” He acknowledged her slightly anxious eyes and gave her a sweet smile while touching her arm, “It’s okay, there’s nothing to worry about.”</p><p>She hesitated once before nodding curtly, “Okay.”</p><p>“Alright,” he said, before pulling his shirt back on and moving to the door. He opened it but before he completely left, he turned back to her. “Can I trust you with this door closed for a minute?”</p><p>Her body stiffened, but she nodded and smiled at him with reassurance. He smiled back once, before shutting the door behind him, more for her privacy than anything.</p><p>There was another knock on the door, this time more urgent as he finally walked to it.</p><p>“I’m coming!” he yelled, jogging a little to reach it before whoever it is annoys the neighbors.</p><p>He reached the door, and quickly pulled it open, expecting to see some person in a uniform or someone with a camera. What he wasn’t expecting was the woman standing in her usual business suit with her phone clenched in her hand, and the familiar stern look on her face.</p><p>He furrowed his eyebrows at her, “Nathalie? What are you doing here?”</p><p>She looked rather pale, but normal just the same, she could have a cold or something. Her eyes were tired and red, with bags hanging under her eyelids that were too dark for the thick makeup she was wearing. She looked as if she hadn’t slept for days, the prospect of it making her features look sharp, but rigid and tight. Her clothes were rumbled, like she had slept in them after passing out from exhaustion.</p><p>“Adrien,” she said, her voice cold and hoarse. “I’ve been calling you for hours. Where have you been? Everyone is wondering where you are.”</p><p>Nathalie usually didn’t put Adrien into a sour mood, but the mentioning of the people not caring about him at all, “wondering” where he was when they only cared about his money and his name, irked him.</p><p>He snorted in response, “That’s a first.”</p><p>She gave him a hard look, “I’m serious, Adrien. What have you been doing? All of Paris thinks you’ve been kidnapped!”</p><p>Adrien laughed dryly, crossing his arms. “That’s rich. They care about my wellbeing only when I disappear.”</p><p>“Adrien.”</p><p>Adrien melted his sarcasm at her more tender voice, and he dropped his arms. “I’m sorry, I haven’t even touched my phone in days.”</p><p>She gave him a curious look, “That’s very unlike you, Adrien.” She studied him for a moment, “And why not?”</p><p>He hesitated this time, unsure whether he is supposed to entirely keep the whole situation with Marinette on the downlow. Of course, he respected her privacy and he wanted to keep her situation under wraps because she knew she hated this many people in her life knowing already. But he also knew Nathalie well enough that she wouldn’t let anything go, especially with him, unless he has a damn good reason. This could be a good reason, but he also didn’t want to expose his lady like that.</p><p>“Personal matters,” he said, taking on his more business tone because this was the type of conversation Nathalie responded well to.</p><p>Nathalie wasn’t in a good mood today though. She raised an eyebrow at him, “What <em>personal matters?”</em></p><p>“Adrien?”</p><p>It was a different voice this time, and he turned away from the stern woman in front of him to the girl just exiting the bathroom, shutting the door behind her. She was dressed now, wearing a long-sleeved shirt while the bandages she must have wrapped herself were creasing under the fabric. Her wet hair left wet splotches on her shirt, and the grey sweatpants looked all too big for her, until he realized they were his.</p><p>He smiled at Marinette, who stood awkwardly staring at the two in the doorway. “Hey, give me a second, okay?”</p><p>She glanced between the two, obviously recognizing Nathalie before nodding slowly, encouraging him to get this over with. He took that as an opportunity to turn back to Nathalie and step through the door, closing it completely behind him.</p><p>“Was that Marinette Dupain-Cheng?” Nathalie asked once the door was closed.</p><p>Adrien looked at her, “Yeah,” he said, tilting his head. “Why?”</p><p>She looked like she had seen a ghost, her already pale face growing whiter by the second, as if the ghost was possessing her body. She opened and closed her mouth like she was in shock, and she kept glancing from the closed door back down to the phone in her hand. The sweat from her hands left fingerprints on the screen and case.</p><p>“What is she doing here?” she asked finally, turning to him with an urgent look in her eyes.</p><p>Adrien gave her a wary look, “She’s staying with me for now.”</p><p>She almost looked furious, but her voice was subdued. “And you <em>didn’t tell me?” </em></p><p>He raised an eyebrow in surprise to his tone. She hasn’t spoken to him like this. Ever.</p><p>“I didn’t know I needed your permission,” he said, almost spiteful but he held his tongue.</p><p>She stared at him for a long minute, like what he was explaining was completely foreign and complicated to her. Her eyes were calculating a math equation behind her eyes, but she couldn’t figure out the solution. But suddenly it had been thrown at her. She looked like she had been shown something she had been looking for, but the now prominent solution was both everything and nothing she wanted.</p><p>She looked like she was going to be sick.</p><p>“Nathalie?” Adrien called, watching as her gaze briefly wondered off to the side. “You okay?”</p><p>She looked at him finally, like a deer caught in headlights.</p><p>“U-uh,” she stuttered, but she looked down at her phone and seemed to recenter. “The… the business needs its CEO right now. The Agreste Brand is falling apart without you.”</p><p>He rolled his eyes, returning to his sarcasm. “It was falling apart without me before I was in charge. I haven’t even bought the place and it’s like the place is already my burden.”</p><p>“Your <em>responsibility,” </em>Nathalie countering, returning to her business tone as well. “And it’s more important you save this company instead of frolicking with a high school crush.”</p><p>“I’m not—” he began, but he stopped himself. “I’m not <em>frolicking </em>with her,” he said, now calmer but with spite on his tongue now. “I’m… looking after her for a while.”</p><p>Nathalie grew a disapproving look on her face, and it only made Adrien even more frustrated.</p><p>“She’s a big girl, she can take care of herself,” she said, adding a little sting to that frustration. “You should come in tomorrow, get back into the business. Ms. Dupain-Cheng should’ve never distracted you in the first place.”</p><p>Adrien gritted his teeth, “She’s <em>not </em>distracting me, and I was the one that invited her over. It’s not her fault she’s here.”</p><p>“Then she can stay here until you get back then,” Nathalie suggested a little more forcefully. “It isn’t like you to be so irresponsible, Adrien, I thought better of you.”</p><p>“I can’t just leave her alone, Nathalie,” he spat back. “She’s not supposed to be alone right now!”</p><p>Nathalie furrowed her eyebrows curiously, gaining an interested look. “And… why’s that?”</p><p>Adrien hesitated again. But this was exactly what he expected, and he knew from experience Nathalie wasn’t just going to walk away with a blank space.</p><p>He looked down the hallway to check for any signs of people nearby, and he looked around the corner at the little sitting area beyond his door, only to find empty space.</p><p>He sighed as he looked back at Nathalie, who waited patiently with anxious eyes.</p><p>“The reason why I can’t leave her alone…” he said slowly, trailing off and still having a hard time saying it out loud in front of people still. It’s not like he’s talked about it a lot in the last few days, plus, he was spending every waking and sleeping hour next to a person who attempted. A person he loved so much it hurt.</p><p>“She…” he looked at Nathalie, who was still waiting with raised eyebrows. “She… tried to kill herself.”</p><p>Nathalie stalled for approximately two seconds, before her eyes widened.</p><p>“I’m not coming back to work anytime soon,” Adrien said, defending his position by crossing his arms. “All my focus needs to be on her right now. And that’s all I’m going to be doing.”</p><p>It was maybe a few seconds that Nathalie stood at complete shock from the news before her expression slowly fell into that cold stare again.</p><p>“She can stay with her parents,” she said, readjusting her feet. “Your responsibility is not with her, it’s with the brand. You should know better than to try and take on this by yourself, especially when you have a lot on your plate right now. Like a decision that could mean the reopening or closing of the brand. Pick your battles better, Adrien.”</p><p>He shook his head and looked to the side, “You sound like my father,” he mumbled.</p><p>Nathalie sighed, “If your father could—”</p><p>“I am <em>not </em>looking for my father’s approval,” Adrien spat furiously. “That man can burn in hell for all I care.”</p><p>Her eyes widened at his comment, “Don’t say that, Adrien.”</p><p>“Why not?” he countered. “The man never loved me, he never even <em>tried </em>being a father. He was just <em>obsessed </em>with getting mom back and he never turned and saw what he was losing in the end.”</p><p>“Adrien—”</p><p>“No, I can’t do this right now,” he snapped, and he turned around and grabbed the doorknob, yanking the door open and stepping through the threshold and slamming it behind him.</p><p>Adrien made a frustrated noise as he walked further into the apartment, running a hand through his hair and feeling like tearing it out, just to spit in Nathalie’s and the brand’s face. But he knew he’d get chewed out for it, by everyone, plus it was painful, and he didn’t like the idea of walking around with a bald patch.</p><p>“Hey.”</p><p>Adrien stopped pacing and looked at the couches, where Marinette was sitting on the cushions with her legs tucked up under her chin. Another black and white movie was playing on the TV, one he knew she’d seen a hundred times since she was over, but she still couldn’t get her eyes off it.</p><p>“Hi,” he said rather heatedly, before continuing over to his bed and flopping down on it.</p><p>There was a brief beat of silence between them.</p><p>“You okay?” she called softly from the couch.</p><p>He didn’t respond right away, instead sighing heavily because the last thing he wanted to do was snap at her, which is what he felt like he was going to do if he didn’t take a second.</p><p>“Gimme a minute,” he said, before draping an arm over his eyes.</p><p>He sat in the darkness for maybe a minute before he heard the light shuffling of her getting up and the pausing of the TV. She padded across the floor barefoot, her footsteps making him feel fond of her despite how much he hated everything in a ten-mile radius at the moment.</p><p>“You know,” she said, the bed dipping as she sat down next to him. “Just because you’re taking care of me, doesn’t mean I can’t take care of you too.”</p><p>He doesn’t look at her while he responds. “I don’t wanna burden you with my problems,” he mumbled.</p><p>“You’re not burdening me if I’m asking,” he felt her shift more until the cushion right beside him dipped further, so she was lying right next to him. “What happened?”</p><p>He took a moment before finally dropping his arm and looking back at her questioning gaze. She was leaning over him with her head propped up on her hand and her elbow against the bed. Her body naturally curled closer to him, but she kept her distance when it came to physical contact.</p><p>He sighed as he reached up to his face and rubbed his tired eyes, feeling like a thousand fires where burning inside him from the irritation the conversation. It wasn’t even a conversation, so to say, but a revelation that yes, Nathalie can be a bitch, but sometimes she can be a really cold and frenzied bitch with ghost problems.</p><p>That ghost being his father.</p><p>“It was Nathalie,” he said tiredly, dropping his arm above his head. “She… she tried to get me to go back to the office tomorrow.”</p><p>He could feel her studying him, “Do you want to?”</p><p>“No,” he said, almost laughing. “I hate sitting in something my father once owned. Not to mention I’m already occupied at the moment.” He looked at her and grinned, “You could be an actress; you’re so distracting.”</p><p>“Adrien.”</p><p>His resolve melted at her soft look.</p><p>“You can be real with me,” she said, gently taking his other hand that rested on his stomach. “I’m not going to criticize you; I’m not going to tell you what to do. I’m here to listen.”</p><p>He paused only to look at her and watch the glimmer of honesty shine in those blue-bell eyes.</p><p>He tore his gaze away and looked up at the ceiling, “I… I don’t want to own Agreste Brand,” he said, shaking his head. “I was never passionate about designing or modeling, but everyone’s telling me and expecting me to buy the company back and that’s the last thing I want to do.”</p><p>“Well,” Marinette said, her tone implying she had a question. “What do you want to do?”</p><p>He shook his head and looked at her, “I don’t know… I’ve never thought about it before.” He looked back up at the ceiling and thought for a moment, before continuing. “But I know I want to choose it,” he said, looking back at the girl he first chose in the beginning. “But… even if I have that freedom, I feel like my father is still running my life even when he’s—”</p><p>He stopped at the very thought of mentioning death, and for a moment it paralyzed him.</p><p>He still felt guilty for the wish, because now Marinette’s soul was calling out for death. She was supposed to die on that day with a sword to her stomach, and he suspected he was supposed to carry on the mission after her. Like it was as easy as moving on from a dead fish. Instead, he made the wish, something his father was searching and killing for all those years ago.</p><p>Huh, in a way, he guessed he was similar to his father.</p><p>And that terrified him.</p><p>Marinette picked up from there after he paused for a long moment. “You’re in charge of your own life,” she said, his attention turning back to her voice. “No one gets to decide what you can and cannot do with it. You’re not a child, and you’re <em>not </em>your father.”</p><p>He didn’t know how, but it seemed like she knew exactly what he needed to hear. For the longest time he has always been afraid of becoming his father, getting suffocated by so much emotion it drives you into a cold landscape of sand and glass. He thought he was going to become that when he first found out about his father. About a year into grieving and drinking his emotions away, he realized how ironic it would be if he lost the love of his life, became so consumed with the desire for her to come back that it made him go mad just like his father.</p><p>But she was here, and he hadn’t gone insane. He wasn’t power hungry, he wasn’t abusive, he wasn’t planning on doing anything and everything, including evil intentions in order for her to get better. He was going to walk through this with her, hold her hand through the pain and suffering, despite how much he wanted to take it away. Unlike his father, he wasn’t willing to work through the pain and heartbreak, instead of skipping right to the solution.</p><p>But, so he didn’t make it too awkward, he cracked one of his jokes to lighten the mood.</p><p>“You’d be so much better at this than me,” he said, truthfully but also in a teasing tone.</p><p>She laughed at that, and it made his heart swell.</p><p>“I don’t think so, Mr. Agreste,” she said, bopping his noise with her index finger. “I can’t see myself as a businesswoman.”</p><p>He shrugged, “I can, it’d be hot.”</p><p>She laughed again, and it was again, the sweetest melody to hear. “I don’t know about that,” she said, looking down a little sadly. “I’m not even sure what I want to do with my life.”</p><p>“Well,” he said, propping himself on his elbow and meeting her eyes. “You don’t have to worry about that right now,” he said, reaching up and pushing some hair from her face, trying to bring back the lighthearted mood. “I just want you focused on yourself, My Lady.”</p><p>She nodded, dropping her gaze again and refusing to meet his eyes.</p><p>He reached out to her and lifted her chin, gently asking her to meet his eyes. She complied, and the blues swam with a little hesitance and timidness, which just made her even more cute.</p><p>“Thank you for listening,” he said quietly.</p><p>She beamed at him, her mood brightening slightly, “You’re welcome.”</p><p>He leaned towards her, giving her a chance to refuse. But when she didn’t, he closed the distance between them slowly. He gently pressed his lips to her, the kiss very timid and small, closed mouth and gentle. It wasn’t a passionate kiss or anything to it, more like a thank you or a reassurance that everything will be okay.</p><p>Which in that moment, they both believed.</p><p>“Do I need to worry about Nathalie?” Marinette asked once they separated.</p><p>He gave her a strange look, “What do you mean?”</p><p>She shook her head, “I don’t know, I’m just… she… looked at me weird.”</p><p>He smiled, “Not everyone is out to get you, you know,” he said, reaching up and touching her cheek. When he met her eyes, she could see the hesitation and nervousness behind them, so he continued. “No, you don’t need to worry about her. Nathalie may have worked with my father for years and she can be a little cold sometimes, but she isn’t like him. She had no idea he was… who he was.”</p><p>She bit her lips anxiously, “So, she’s okay?”</p><p>He nodded, “Yeah,” and kissed her cheek in reassurance. “I trust her.”</p><p>Little did they know their calm sanctuary would be shattered that night.</p><p>.               .               .</p><p>The door slamming made Nathalie jump back, staring dumbfounded at the shaking door that just moments ago, was seemingly harmless. But as the violent noise faded into a silence that pressed an eerie atmosphere around her, she couldn’t help but ask the empty air why it was so mad at her.</p><p>She pressed her lips together, clutching her phone more tightly in her hand. Adrien has never, not for however long she’s known him, had an outburst like that. Even under the strict restrictions made by his father and ones she used to enforce, the only times he really rebelled was when he snuck out a few times. He was a very subdued child and now controlled adult, who wasn’t afraid to hide his very evident sarcasm, but pushed down his emotions enough to give the impression he wasn’t reacting at all.</p><p>But she knew Adrien, he was an emotionally unstable person for a few years, maybe still is now. The point is, is that he never yells at anyone, he knows how to make a poker face. So, when you really anger or rile him up enough, he could put you in his place and have a coldness similar to his father’s.</p><p>She’s never heard him yell in his life, so the chill she got from his words and the anger reflecting in his eyes was surprising.</p><p>For a moment, she just stared at the door, and contemplated knocking on the door again to try and convince him… again. She knew he wasn’t too keen on going back to the business, but it was talk of Marinette Dupain-Cheng that really made him upset.</p><p>And that’s when her brain clicked, and she remembered. Marinette was still alive.</p><p>
  <em>She… tried to kill herself. </em>
</p><p>So, Lila’s plan had worked. She had been driven off the edge. But Adrien had interjected.</p><p>For the past several days she, Lila and Cygne have been looking for any sign of Ladybug, Chat Noir, or even Marinette in random places. They’ve gone to her workplace, her apartment, even sneaking into her room to search for her and looking around common spots Ladybug was known for. But there was no sight of her, and when Nathalie found out Adrien hasn’t been to work for days, she went to his apartment, only to run into Marinette as well.</p><p>This may have been an episode of luck, just a small chance that she would find her here and possible confirm that the universe was on her side. That she was doing the right thing in avenging Gabriel’s death, and taking their miraculous to finally fulfill his wish, even if it cost the life of someone else.</p><p>Lila’s plan had almost worked, everything was going to work out, but Adrien and his soft heart saved her. He didn’t know the trouble this girl has caused, that her very being prevented Gabriel’s plan and instigated his death. He probably didn’t even know who she was under all that lying and betrayal. That Gabriel’s life was traded for hers, that she wasn’t even supposed to be here, and that Hawkmoth should have triumphed that day.</p><p>This sent a spiral of frustration and anger through her bones, an anger that almost made her break down the door and rip Marinette from the apartment so she can throw her off the building without her miraculous. He wanted to see that superheroine dead; she wanted to rip her spine from her back and make her know how much pain and suffering she has caused just by being alive.</p><p>Just before she was going to call upon Duusu to transform her and throw the door off its hinges, she stopped herself. The adrenaline still coursed through her veins and want to kill burned in her chest, but she held her hands to her side, glaring daggers at the door as she resisted.</p><p>“Madame?” Duusu shyly peeked from her coat pocket. “Are you alright?”</p><p>Nathalie forced her need to kill down and suppressed her vendetta. But she wouldn’t have to wait long.</p><p>“Fine, hide Duusu,” she said coldly, before turning down the hallway and walking away from the door. She unlocked her tight grip from her phone and flipped it open. She searched through her contacts, and pressed on the icon she was looking for, before raising it to her ear while it was dialing.</p><p>There was a click and an annoyed voice that appeared over the phone.</p><p><em>“I hope you have actually news instead of lecturing us this time,” </em>Lila’s cool voice resonated calmly through the speaker, and her chill tone caused a grimace of annoyance to rise up in Nathalie.</p><p>“Meet me at the Agreste Mansion in ten minutes,” she said, reaching the elevator on the floor and pushing the down button. “And bring <em>Cygne </em>with you.”</p><p>She didn’t wait for the sarcastic remark she was starting before hanging up, dropping her hand back to her side. She stared at the metal doors of the elevator, waiting and willing them to open.</p><p>When they did, she stepped through, pressed the main lobby, before the steel doors slowly slid shut in front of her.</p><p>.               .               .</p><p>Mayura was the second one there, walking into the mossy, abandoned mansion and shoving open the office doors, where Lila sat on the desk, looking at her nails.</p><p>“You’re late,” Lila remarked, not even acknowledging her.</p><p>“Where is <em>Cygne?” </em>Mayura asked, not even responding to her remark.</p><p>Lila finally turned to her with a cool expression, “He’s coming, he got held up.”</p><p>“Held up with <em>what?” </em>Mayura asked furiously.</p><p>“My mother.”</p><p>Both Lila and Mayura turned just as Felix Graham de Vanily entered the room, looking just as stern and annoyed as the other two. His blond hair was sleeked back behind his ears and his normal mannerism of clothes were rumpled, like he hadn’t slept for days.</p><p>“She was drilling me,” he said, walking further into the room and crossing his arms. “She’s suspecting something is up with me, but if I’m being honest, she’s been on edge since my father died.”</p><p>Lila scrunched her face up at him, “You look awful,” she commented.</p><p>Felix turned to her, his cold gaze boring into her like frozen icicles. “And you look just the same.”</p><p>“Stop it you two,” Mayura snapped, making both of them look at her. “You two really are children.”</p><p>“Tell us why we’re here and we’ll stop arguing,” Lila suggested, still glaring daggers into the back of Felix’s head.</p><p>Mayura will live to see the day those to finally get their karma, but for the time being, she needed them.</p><p>She stifled the annoyed flame inside her chest and looked at them, “I found Marinette Dupain-Cheng.”</p><p>There was a beat of silence, one where they all just stared at each other.</p><p>Lila jumped off the desk she was perched on and went to stand by Felix, crossing her arms at her chest as she gave Mayura a suspicious look. “Where was she this entire time?”</p><p>“Hiding,” Mayura answered immediately. “She went into hiding with someone else she knew. Right after she tried to kill herself.”</p><p>Lila’s face grew surprised, “So, my plan <em>did </em>work.”</p><p>“It didn’t,” Mayura corrected, giving her a hard look. “Someone jumped in and saved her, and now she’s staying with him.”</p><p>Felix was the next person who spoke, “Who?”</p><p>Mayura hesitated this time, glancing at her two much younger allies. By exposing Marinette’s true hiding place and sanctuary, she would also be exposing Adrien and most likely, her identity, which she has managed to keep hidden all this time.</p><p>“I can’t tell you, because it involves my secret identity,” Mayura said, already feeling the hypocrisy as she continued. “You just have to trust me.”</p><p>Lila scoffed, “Rich,” she said, shaking her head disapprovingly at her. “You get to know our names and we don’t get to know yours? What kind of trust system are you trying to run here?” She stalked to the older woman, who held her ground even if the brunette glared coldly into her eyes, threatening. “I’m the one that comes up with the plans, Felix was the one that tortured Chat Noir, what have you done? Besides demanding miraculouses and sending sentimonsters after them?”</p><p>Mayura stood her ground, her chin still raised high, “I was at Hawkmoth’s side the whole time he had the butterfly miraculous. He trusted me with everything, including his identity, I am not simply going to follow a lousy, weak—”</p><p>“<em>Weak </em>as in I almost snapped Chat Noir’s spine in half?” Felix stepped forward with his diplomatic stance. “She’s lousy by the plans that got closer to defeating Ladybug and Chat Noir than Hawkmoth ever did?” He pointed an accusing finger at her, “Lila’s right, you’re always on the side lines, while we are the ones who do all your dirty work. We have a right to know both your name and what you know, since we are the ones who agreed to do this massive, years long, half ass plan of yours, that was so, <em>so lame.” </em></p><p>Mayura looked at the two accusing teens while they beat her pride down to the ground. She never liked being put in her place, especially when she knew they were right all along. Eventually, she would have to bring them with her to get to the baker’s daughter, hiding inside the home of her long-time child that was never hers, if she was even up for the title of him being under her watchful eye. And to live up to that name and wanting to protect Adrien against all the things she knew were harmful to him, she knew she had to get rid of that Ladybug, and Marinette alike.</p><p>“Fine,” she finally spat, before stepping back and glaring one last time at them. “Duusu, fall my feathers.”</p><p>The transformation melted off her form, the room flashing in a dark blue light from the aura of the suit. Duusu flew out of the brooch on Nathalie’s chest, but said nothing as the little kwami noticed the tense situation in front of her.</p><p>“Now,” Nathalie said, as Duusu landed on her shoulder. “Do I have your trust?”</p><p>They both looked unsurprised, but still half in disbelief from the prospect of her being Mayura, Hawkmoth’s apprentice and partner all those years ago.</p><p>“I knew it,” Lila said, smirking as she studied her. “I always knew you had a thing for your boss.”</p><p>Nathalie glared daggers and was going to retort back when Felix suddenly spoke. “Where is the Dupain-Cheng girl?” he asked, almost like he knew the answer.</p><p>She looked at him, “You say it like you already know.”</p><p>Felix’s face hardened, “I’m looking to confirm or deny my beliefs.”</p><p>Nathalie studied him for a moment, “Adrien Agreste’s apartment,” she said, looking back and forth between them as they reacted. “I went to see him this morning, and she was there.”</p><p>Lila and Felix were silent, both having different responses.</p><p>“Well,” Lila said, almost like a sigh. “He was always a soft one.”</p><p>Nathalie nodded before looking at Felix, who had crossed his arms and was staring at the corner of the room. His eyes were hard and his jaw was locked as the gears turned in his head, analyzing the situation like it was a book from the 1900s.</p><p>“Felix,” Nathalie said, just to jump him from his daze. “What are you thinking?”</p><p>His eyes slowly met hers, but they were hesitant this time, hiding secrets that no one could get to even if you had the key to the locked box.</p><p>“Nothing,” was all he said, his eyes saying otherwise before he put his mask of numbness back on. “What are <em>you </em>thinking? We can’t just break in there and grab her.”</p><p>Nathalie looked between them, “Who says we can’t?”</p><p>Lila and Fellix stared at her quizzically, but she only turned away from them and went to leave the room, speaking as she held the doors open and looked back at them.</p><p>“We leave at dawn,” she said, before she stepped forward and let the door shut closed behind her.</p><p>.               .               .</p><p>Soufre, Cygne Blanc and Mayura landed on the balcony as the horizon behind them started glowing from the small bit of light arising from behind the line splitting the line and the sky. It was still dark above them and across the sky, but the wide cascade of golden flames flourishing across the sky just before sunrise were like the signal flare to begin the battle.</p><p>A perfect beacon and starting shot for the race to begin.</p><p>“The balcony door is always unlocked,” Mayura said quietly, whispering to the two other super charged humans. “No one in their right mind would climb up here at these heights.”</p><p>“And if it is?” Soufre countered, her dark mask looking haunting in the glowing light.</p><p>“Thank Cygne for his power,” Mayura said, turning to him. “You can phase through the glass door, right?”</p><p>He set his jaw, “As long as electrical particles can pass through it.”</p><p>They both blinked at him.</p><p>He rolled his eyes, “Yes, yes I can.”</p><p>“Awesome,” Soufre said, turning back to the shaded windows before her. “Let’s get the door open.”</p><p>The handle was easy to fine, and the door slid right open when they pulled on it, the apartment inside shadowed. The three villains snuck inside, Cygne being the last and sliding the door shut to prevent any outside noises suddenly waking anybody in the apartment up.</p><p>“Over there,” Mayura pointed across the room, where a bed lay, and two forms were under the blankets in the dark grey sheets.</p><p>“Soufre,” Cygne whispered, stepping closer to the two women. “You’re up.”</p><p>Soufre nodded and went to take a step forward, but Mayura suddenly grabbed her arm and tugged her back, harshly whispering in her ear.</p><p>“We only want Marinette,” she said, squeezing her arm. “Don’t wake Adrien.”</p><p>Soufre shrugged her off with a quiet, annoyed huff. “I know what I’m doing.”</p><p>Without another word, she stepped forward with quiet steps, being mindful of her loud boots that could click and set off an alarm or something, and wake the two individuals in the bed. She neared the side of the bed, where a thin ray of sunlight peeked through the shaded windows, where a part of the windows must be open.</p><p>Marinette was completely knocked out, with her mouth hanging open and her arms resting by her head under the pillow. There was a fluffy blanket wrapped around her shoulders, and a large, thick arm was wrapped around her body over the blanket. The mop of blond hair was visible over her head, but she could only see one closed eye while the rest of his face was buried into the back of her head.</p><p>Soufre tilted her head down at the small, pathetic girl, curled up against Adrien like he’s her savior with bandages hugging her forearms. She looked so weak, so tired and so pathetic and small below her, at her most vulnerable state.</p><p>Lila smiled down at her, and held back a cackling laugh, before speaking.</p><p>“Let the games begin.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>annnnnnnddddd cliffhanger. </p><p>would i really be being_happy if there wasn't a cliffhanger here? </p><p>Hope you guys enjoyed! <br/>~happt</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0042"><h2>42. Orphan</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Bring on the battle.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>No warnings needed :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chapter 42: Orphan</p><p> </p><p>Marinette was buried in a ball of warmth, a comfortable fire flickering in her chest that told her everything around her was safe. That the arms around her middle and the breath hitting the back of her neck was a safe place. That the heartbeat pounding through his shirt and gently tugging on hers, wanting attention from her, was safe and something she was willing to hold and wanting to hold. She was so happy in that moment, indescribable, soft, and gentle joy was laced over her heart, like a wedding dress on a mannequin the night before wedding day.</p><p>She couldn’t describe it to you even if she wanted to, but she curled around the man’s hold under the soft blankets. She was half asleep, she could tell, but her senses were dulled, and her mind was closed off from the world, unaware. She felt safe, so she felt no need to be aware at all.</p><p>But her mind told her something was happening, and that the air around her had changed. Like it had dropped in temperature. She felt a small rush of air, and then heard the voices of her subconscious to wake up, but she ignored it. She was so comfortable and safe and warm she didn’t want to leave his embrace, because if she did, she would be revealed to herself how vulnerable she truly is.</p><p>And from the near future, Marinette Dupain-Cheng wished with all her might that she had listened to her subconscious screaming at her and wake up.</p><p>But she didn’t.</p><p>And that’s how the calamity happened.</p><p>She felt the movement before she even woke up, the warmth from around her middle leaving her and the breath against her neck, tickling her spine soon became nonexistent.</p><p>And then came the hands.</p><p>Oh, how the hands were so cold.</p><p>That’s when she flinched awake, feeling her body being moved away from the warmth and the blankets so close to her. At first, she thought Adrien was moving her cause she fell asleep on the couch again. But as she felt her feet carefully being dropped to the floor and arms coming up behind her to carry her, she finally realized.</p><p>Someone was there.</p><p>Her vision went hazy from how fast her eyes split open, and she saw herself about a yard away from the bed, where Adrien lay on his side and his arm hugging a pillow.</p><p>She struggled at whoever’s solid grip had on her, and just before she was going to make a loud noise to wake Adrien up, a gloved hand slapped over her mouth, pinching her nose and mouth so she couldn’t breathe. There was a silent struggle, and even as she felt the oxygen leaving her body and being cut off, she stomped her feet against the ground to try and get his attention. But not even her second attempt happened before someone else grabbed her ankles and hauled her feet off the floor, and he came into vision.</p><p>The white figure that almost crushed Chat to death all those days ago was giving her a cold gaze, as if his eyes were telling her to shut up and stop struggling.</p><p>But she did the opposite of that, she fought, and she fought hard.</p><p>But her fight was almost too easy to stifle, because her lack of air was making it hard to stay awake and her body told her she needed to pass out. Her lungs were screaming at her to breathe, but the hand over her mouth wouldn’t budge, and so she did what she could.</p><p>Marinette, tired and weak from the lack of oxygen, suddenly lashed out, kicked the white figure hard and made him stumble back, which caused her feet to land loudly on the ground. She pushed the arm away from her mouth, and with the little oxygen she had, screeched as loud as she could and as quick as she could before the gloved mouth slapped over her mouth again.</p><p>It wasn’t a lot, but it was enough as Adrien suddenly lurched up in bed with alarmed eyes. His eyes landed on her, before his eyes looked around the room and widened at the situation.</p><p>He jumped out of bed, and rounded it before standing before it and raising a nonthreatening hand to them.</p><p>“Let her go,” he said, slightly panicked and disheveled.</p><p>Someone above her chuckled, the one holding a hand over her mouth but leaving her nose open so she could breathe. They were female, that she could tell, and the voice was unforgettable because each time they spoke, she felt chills go down her spine.</p><p>“That’s not happening, pretty boy, she’s coming with us.” It was Lila.</p><p>And just like that, she was lurched from her spot, struggling as Lila’s suited up arm wrapped around her neck and hauled her outside. Her eyes widened when Mayura and the white figure followed her, with Adrien close behind.</p><p>Her mouth was clamped shut, so she couldn’t shout her transformation words to change into Ladybug to get herself out of this situation. And she didn’t like how she was now maybe fifty stories in the air, with no suit, and someone she didn’t trust to keep her above the ground.</p><p>“Stop!” Adrien shouted over the wind. “Take her miraculous if you want but leave her here!”</p><p>“It’s not just her miraculous we want,” Mayura said, her deep and chilling voice implying that she was in charge of what was happening. “This is about more than making the wish. We want revenge.”</p><p>“Take me!” he begged stepping more out onto the balcony. “I’m the reason she’s alive! Take me!”</p><p>“Wrong!” Lila said above her, dragging out the word like she was annoyed. “According to feathers over there, Chat Noir made the wish to switch miss Marinette Dupain-Cheng for Gabriel Agreste,” Her voice darkened as a wide smile crossed her face. “She’s not even supposed to be alive.”</p><p>“Because of me!” Adrien shouted back, desperation in his eyes. “It’s—”</p><p>Marinette saw it in his eyes what he was going to say, and she struggled hard then, cutting him off by making a series of screams behind the gloved hand. She fought against Lila’s impossibly strong hold, flinging her arms free from her grasp and trying to push her off her. But Lila simply grabbed her wrist and twisted it painfully, causing a sharp twinge inside her arm that made her cry out. It made her shut up.</p><p>“What?” Lila asked, looking towards him. “What were you going to say that made her go crazy?”</p><p>Adrien glanced at Marinette, and clamped his mouth shut.</p><p>“Adrien,” Lila drew out, like she was singing to him. “Tell us.”</p><p>But he stayed silent.</p><p>Lila growled at him, before suddenly grabbing the front of Marinette’s throat and twisting her around and forcing her to the side. She lifted her off her feet by her throat, closing off her airway and making her choke in her hold. Her feet flailed, and her hands snatched up to instinctively try and tear her painful grip off her sensitive piece of flesh.</p><p>Her vision went shady, and her insides tightened at the again lack of air in her body. She tried to fight the need to pass out again but her insides were already twisting, and her lungs were already shriveling. Her vision was already going dark when she heard voices again as her fight slowly died.</p><p>“Tell me,” Lila said, as Marinette’s vision got fuzzy. “Or she dies.”</p><p>“Stop! Stop! I’ll tell you! Put her down!” Adrien flailed his arms at them and the desperation in his voice could be heard over the haze Marinette was fading into.</p><p>Lila hesitated once before finally dropping Marinette, who crumpled to the floor in a fit of splutters and gasps of air. She desperately filled her lungs with drinkable air that tasted so sweet, she felt like she was sipping on a glass of water after being dehydrated. She was still spluttering on the ground as the voices continued.</p><p>“Now,” Lila said, her dark, purple suit finally coming into view after the haze in her vision bled away from the edges. She stepped forward with a suspicious look in her eyes, “What were you going to say?”</p><p>“No—” Marinette coughed again, rubbing the front of her neck. “Adrien, <em>don’t.” </em></p><p>He looked at her with panic in his eyes, “What am I supposed to do?! They were gonna <em>kidnap </em>you!”</p><p>She gave him a look, before gesturing with her eyes to the trio next to her. <em>Keep them distracted. </em></p><p>“And we still are,” the white figure finally spoke after being quiet for so long, and his voice sent chills down her spine. “You’re merely a mortal; you have no say in this.”</p><p>Adrien eyed him, understanding her look before, “What are you, a god?”</p><p>The white figure huffed, “Something like that,” he said. “I am Cygne Blanc.”</p><p>Adrien actually had the audacity to snort, “There’s only one God dude, and he sure as hell doesn’t dress like that.”</p><p>“Okay, you boys done?” Lila snapped at them.</p><p>Adrien shrugged, “I don’t know, ask the guy dressed in feathers.”</p><p>Cygne Blanc’s eyes narrowed, “You’re playing at a dangerous game.”</p><p>Adrien smirked, “I always play dangerous.”</p><p>“Adrien!” Marinette yelled, and with her now lose earrings in her hands, she tossed them in his direction, and he was ready for them.</p><p>But as soon as the jewels left her palm and flew into his, Lila grabbed the front of Marinette’s shirt and hauled her to her weak feet. She suddenly shoved her against the railing, the cold metal digging into her back that was sure to leave a bruise.</p><p>“Give them back! Now!” Lila yelled, holding Marinette with one arm and the other outstretched towards Adrien.</p><p>Adrien shock his head, “Never,” he said, stepping forward. “Let her go, or you’ll regret it.”</p><p>Lila chuckled, “What? Regret this?”</p><p>And just like that, Lila with her enhanced strength suddenly grabbed Marinette’s legs and hauled them over the railing, twisting her in midair. She screamed when she went over the side, becoming weightless only for a second before she realized Lila was still holding onto her shirt. Marinette latched onto her arm, pulling herself up despite how bad her arms were shaking.</p><p>She screamed again when she looked down and saw how high she was. Fear spiraled down her body and sent a course of shock that paralyzed her in midair, and she barely had the recollection of what it was like standing on something solid. From this high of a drop, there aren’t even statistics of her survival, just at what rate of speed will she fall until she hits the ground and splatters her guts on the sidewalk.</p><p>“Stop!” Adrien cried desperately, stepping forward more. “I thought you wanted her alive!”</p><p>Lila laughed while still gripping a flailing Marinette, gasping and holding onto Lila’s arm desperately. “Alive? Preferrable, but we only want her alive so we can make her death long and sweet.” She smiled sickly, “That’s proper revenge on a silver platter. But she’s gonna die anyway. We don’t care whether she lives of dies.”</p><p>“You’re sick!” Adrien spat at them, taking another step forward. He was trying to reach her. “Put her down! Now!”</p><p>Lila smirked, “Put her down?” she chuckled, “Alright.”</p><p>Marinette barely had time to react before Lila let her go, and she immediately fell into high speeds as she barreled down the side of the building, screaming as she neared the ground below.</p><p>.               .               .</p><p>For a second, Adrien was frozen.</p><p>But as a superhero, he knew how to react with these situations. And that was to, of course, jump off after her.</p><p>“Plagg, claws out!” he yelled, just as he grabbed the railing and hauled himself over the side, feeling his transformation coming over him and the earrings sliding into his suit pocket.</p><p>He lunged off the railing, pushing himself off the outside of the balcony to get up to higher speeds before pointing his body straight down, diving headfirst. He picked up speed fast, going at higher speeds than Marinette, who flailed and screamed as she fell.</p><p>Wind whipped in his hair as he neared her, the winds deafening and muffling her screams. She managed to turn her body and face him in midair, and she grew shocked from how close he had become suddenly.</p><p>“Chat!” she screamed at him.</p><p>“I’m coming!” he yelled back, before outstretching his arm to her, only yards away. “Grab onto me!”</p><p>She reached for him to as he neared her, almost falling into step with her speed. But his fingers neared her, and as soon as he was able to latch his hand around her wrist, he grabbed his baton and extended it quickly. It hit the same building he had jumped off and stabbed a deep enough hole for them to balance on.</p><p>As soon as the jerk happened from the sudden stop, Chat felt a sharp pull to his muscles when he fell between Marinette’s weight and the solid hold his baton had on the building.</p><p>He looked down on Marinette, who looked panicked and sharpened, her eyes reflecting tears from the wind whipping in her eyes and most likely because she was scared. Because of the violent stop the baton had provided for them, her hand had come loose off his wrist, but his super strength kept her wrist locked in his grasp.</p><p>Her eyes were frantic and her breath was hitched as she looked down, seeing only ten more stories to fall before she would have hit the ground.</p><p>“Hey! Hey! Mari, look at me!” he said, jerking her arm to make her look at him, but she didn’t budge, only locked her gaze on the ground below her where a crowd of people stared up at their predicament. “Marinette!”</p><p>Her gaze suddenly snapped to his, and he looked deeply into her panicked eyes.</p><p>“You’re okay,” he reassured. He readjusted his grip on her and squeezed her wrist just to tell her she was okay. “It’s okay, I’ve got you.”</p><p>She was silent as she stared up at him for a few seconds, before the initial shock finally faded from her eyes and she nodded at him.</p><p>Chat nodded back at her before gripping her wrist tighter, then lifted. It was hard to do with one arm holding them up and the other trying to bring her closer. He grunted in effort before she was finally close enough to wrap her free arm around his shoulder and help herself up. Her breathing was still hitched and frantic as she wrapped her arms around him and hugged him close, and he brought his leg up so she could sit on it and feel more secure.</p><p>“Shh, shh, you’re okay,” he whispered in her ear and wrapped his arm tighter around her. “You’re okay.”</p><p>“Don’t let go of me,” she whimpered, holding onto his shoulders for dear life.</p><p>“It’s okay, you’re okay,” he said back, bringing her closer to his chest. “I’ve got you.”</p><p>He let her breath for a few seconds before he pulled his head back to look at her, their faces only inches apart.</p><p>“Hold onto me, I’m gonna get you somewhere safe,” he said, pressing his forehead to hers.</p><p>She nodded and wrapped her arms around him tighter, holding herself up as best she could. He carefully unwrapped his arm from her and dropped his leg, which made her hold on tighter, but he had to in order to get them out of there. He reached up and grabbed his baton and retracted it so they were closer to the building. He wrapped his arm back around Marinette before grabbing his baton, bringing his feet up against the glass, before pushing hard against the glass and pushing them through the air.</p><p>He flipped in the air and adjusted Marinette into a bridal style hold before he finally landed then rolled onto a lower rooftop across from his building. He protected her head as he rolled, before landing in a crouch, then standing to his full height, feeling her tremble.</p><p>“Shh, you’re okay,” he soothed, stroking her head as she whimpered. “You wanna stand?”</p><p>She nodded and Chat gently set down her feet. She held onto him as her knees wobbled, and he wrapped his arms around her waist to help keep her steady.</p><p>“You okay?” he asked quietly.</p><p>She nodded before finally opening her eyes, shock instead of tears forming in them. “I’m okay,” she said shakily. “I… I thought I was gonna die.”</p><p>“I caught you, you’re okay,” he reassured, pressing his forehead to hers but keeping his eyes open to look at her.</p><p>“M-My miraculous?” she asked.</p><p>“Right here,” he said, pulling the earrings out of his pocket and helping her clasp them in. He made sure not to pinch her as he slid the clasps on in the back of her ear.</p><p>“Marinette!”</p><p>They looked up just as a red blur crashed into Marinette’s chest, hugging her tightly.</p><p>“I thought I wouldn’t get to you! I thought—”</p><p>“It’s okay, Tikki,” Marinette said, hugging her companion back. “You’re okay, it’s not your fault.”</p><p>Just as the conversation would have continued, there was a loud thump from behind them and they turned around, just as the white figure, Lila in her suit and Mayura landed only a few yards away from them.</p><p>“Well,” Lila said, her purple uniform flinting in the rising sunrays. “That proved pointless.”</p><p>“Transform,” Chat said, before instinctively pushing Marinette behind him as he glared darkly at the three figures. “Keep back,” he spat.</p><p>Lila rolled her eyes, “Please, as if I can reach her with <em>you </em>in the way.” She smirked, “But you’ll have to separate sometime.”</p><p>“Don’t push us,” Ladybug said, stepping up besides Chat with her arms crossed. “We’re partners. We aren’t meant to be separate.”</p><p>Before Chat could add in a witty comment, he was interrupted.</p><p>“Adrien?”</p><p>It was Mayura who spoke, stepping forward and giving him a look of shock and disbelief.</p><p>Chat eyed her, “Yeah, and?”</p><p>She stared at him for a long time, before she closed her mouth and seemed to make a decision.</p><p>“Duusu, fall my feathers.” Mayura’s form faded away at her feet, the blue aura taking over her body as she transformed back to whoever was behind that mask. Chat held his breath as he watched her feathers fall, but he felt every muscle in his body tighten when the face was revealed.</p><p>His chest tightened, like his lungs were squeezing the life out of him as he looked at Nathalie, the woman with glasses that carried around a clipboard and was always kinder than his father. The person that lived under the same roof as him for years and continued to be by his side even as he lost everything and grew into an adult.</p><p>The air was sucked out of his lungs and his knees started wobbling under him as he stared, dumbfounded and at a loss for words. Horror struck him, a familiar grief settling over his heart that pounded furiously in his chest, like it was trying to break his ribs. The grief was exactly like the one he felt years ago, and as he stared at her and felt the images and memories flood into his mind, he realized that everyone he ever knew, lied to him about <em>everything. </em></p><p>That might have broken him right there, but no one knew it because he buried it beneath his now blackened heart, filled with grief.</p><p>“I knew it,” Cygne Blanc jumped in, making Chat look at him almost numbly. “You’ve always been strange, talking to invisible voices in your room, pretending there wasn’t anyone else with you.” He shook his cold, blank stare at him, “It was obvious this entire time.”</p><p>Realization hit Chat further, and he felt his heart drop lower, and harder.</p><p>“Felix,” he said, no emotion, no expression. Just numbness coursing through his veins.</p><p>There was a silence, and Chat felt himself start to feel angry.</p><p>“You—You both were in on this?” he asked, looking between the two people he considered family.</p><p>“We didn’t have a choice,” Nathalie said, her voice urgent but quiet just the same. “Your father’s death was… it wasn’t meant to be like that. It wasn’t supposed to happen.”</p><p>Chat felt his throat vibrate as he growled, but Ladybug was the one that spoke next.</p><p>“So, you were going to what?” she interjected, stepping in front of Chat like she was shielding him. “Kill me for revenge? Switch one of our lives for the man that was supposed to be his father but treating him like he was not there? Who was betraying and assaulting all of Paris? Betraying his <em>son?” </em></p><p>Nathalie glared coolly at Ladybug, “This does not concern you.”</p><p>“Of course it concerns her!” Chat jumped in, pushing Ladybug behind him again to keep her out of it. He didn’t want her to get in between him and Nathalie. “You were going to kill her! And trade her for my father?!”</p><p>“Emilie was meant to come back!” Nathalie said urgently. “Your father was meant to live on, and you were meant to have your family back!”</p><p>“It isn’t family when they <em>hurt </em>you like that!” Chat yelled furiously back. He turned on Cygne Blanc, a mask that was just hiding Felix. “Felix, c’mon, you can’t be serious with this! You don’t actually believe the bullshit they’re telling you!”</p><p>Cygne’s expression remained blank as they stared at each other.</p><p>“You aren’t any better,” he said back, his voice powerful and chilling. “Hiding your identity from your family.”</p><p>“You guys are a bunch of hypocrites!” Chat yelled back at them. “You kept this from <em>me! </em>The person <em>you’re </em>supposed to care about! How could you do that to me?!”</p><p>Chat could feel the anger and frustration burning into his soul, the heat of him rising off his body and making it feel like he was going to burst. He tried to hold back the emotions that were about to spill over his eyes and show his enemies just how broken and shattered they had left him.</p><p>“We were doing this for you,” Nathalie said, reamaing calm despite the heated situation. “You… you lost everything in one day, I couldn’t just leave you like that without doing nothing! It needed to be rectified, it needed to be…” she looked at Ladybug, and her eyes started blazing. “She was meant to die that day,” she said, pointing furiously at her. “Not Gabriel.”</p><p>“She did,” he said, grabbing Ladybug’s arm next to him just so she’d stay there, as his anchor. “And I would rather her be alive than my good for nothing father that barely knew I existed.”</p><p>“He was doing it for you—”</p><p>“I’ve heard that before!” Chat exploded, stepping forward. “If he cared about me, he wouldn’t let me grieve my mother alone! If he freaking loved me he would have moved on and paid attention to me!”</p><p>“Adrien—”</p><p>“NO!” he shouted, but emotion cracked his voice and suddenly tears were spilling over his eyes. He grabbed Ladybug’s hand to keep him steady as he looked the woman that acted like a mother to him since the day his real mother left in the eye and darkened his gaze. “You wanted to win—because for some reason you believed he actually cared about you,” he said, shaking his head. “You believed in his toxic way of thinking, that what he was doing was an act of love and that he cared for me so much he—” He got chocked up with emotions, but he forced his tight voice to work. “He was obsessed with my mother, and he couldn’t move on or live without her.”</p><p>There was an indignant snort from Lila as she injected herself in the argument. “Hypocrite,” she said. “You’re the one that ended up just like him. You couldn’t live without your Ladybug.”</p><p>He stopped, thinking about his words as his grip on Ladybug’s hand tightened, making his hand start to shake. He thought about the wish, and how he had played God that day. How he betrayed his lady’s wishes and made the wish despite the several years they have been working to try and prevent the very thing from happening. He pictured his father’s lifeless eyes, his soul screaming in agony as it entered the pits of hell too early.</p><p>For one horrible moment, Chat stalled. And for one terrifying moment, he thought he was like his father.</p><p>But Ladybug stepped forward, and like she does, she saved the day.</p><p>“Maybe I’m meant to live,” she said, raising her chin. “And I only believed I wasn’t because I felt guilty… guilty for taking Adrien’s father away from him. That because of me, Adrien was now… an orphan.” She looked back at him, and met his eyes with a pain behind them. She turned back to the enemies, “Survivor’s guilt,” she said, shaking her head. “But Adrien was already hurting because his father was never present in his life. He was already an orphan in every sense of the word because… because his father, the man that was supposed to take care of him, wouldn’t.” She took a shaky breath before continuing, “But Gabriel Agreste was never meant to triumph, and neither are you, which is why we’re going to stop you.”</p><p>Cygne and his blank stare stepped forward, “Three against two,” he said. “You’ll lose.”</p><p>Ladybug huffed, “Well,” she said, readying herself into a defensive stance. “We’ll see who’s side God’s on today.”</p><p>“We’ll see,” Lila said, readying herself as well as she smirked at them. “You can call me Soufre, by the way.”</p><p>“And I will gladly take that miraculous back,” Ladybug said back, glancing at the other two as well. “All of yours.”</p><p>“Unlikely,” Nathalie said, before taking off her glasses and tossing them to the side. “Duusu, spread my feathers!”</p><p>Chat lowered himself to a ready position next to Ladybug, still squeezing her hand. “I love you,” he whispered only for her to hear.</p><p>She looked at him and squeezed his hand back, “I love you too,” she said, before turning her eyes back to the readying villains. “Good luck, Kitty.”</p><p>“Good luck, My Lady.”</p><p>And the orphan’s rage was released like a nuclear bomb exploding and decimating the city.</p><p>The battle was on.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>another cliffhanger?? happt i SWEAR-</p><p>I have no excuse. </p><p>Anyone notice the Marvel reference??</p><p>As you can tell I'm trying to finish up Afterglow so I can announce the thing that I'm so excited about!! </p><p>Love you guys, thanks for reading &lt;3<br/>~happt</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0043"><h2>43. Fray</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Bring it on.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Warnings: Graphic Depictions of Violence, Character Death.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chapter 43: Fray</p><p> </p><p>Luckily, there was nobody in the skyscraper when Ladybug crashed through the forty something floor. It was an unfinished tower, with the top of it mostly made up of metal beams and wooden platforms so that the construction workers wouldn’t fall. Although, those platforms proved pretty useless when it came down to two super charged human beings grappling for dominance, and for life.</p><p>Ladybug crashed through a metal beam, the metal crumbling from under the force of being thrown from fifty feet away. She only bent it in the middle before being tossed across the so-be room, her body flailing wildly before hitting another support beam. She was lucky again when she landed face first into an intersection of four different beams, past them was a four hundred fifty drop.</p><p>“You’ve gotten weaker since the last time we met.”</p><p>Ladybug pushed her face from her arms and looked up, feeling blood trail its way down the side of her temple as Soufre, Lila’s super villain form, landed a few beams away from her.</p><p>“It’s no doubt you’ll be easy to kill,” Soufre said, grinning like a maniac.</p><p>Ladybug groaned as she pushed herself to her feet, feeling every tweak and ache of her body grinding together. Trying not to look too out of it, even if she felt like absolute shit, she stood to her feet and braced a hand against the support beam behind her to keep her balance. Her head spun as soon as she was upright, but she planted her feet and closed her eyes, willing herself to stay awake.</p><p>“If it’s so damn easy why haven’t you killed me yet?” she asked, holding her injured arm with her other hand.</p><p>Soufre hummed and nodded, “Maybe it’s because I enjoy making you suffer.” Her grin darkened, “Or maybe it’s because I want to feel each one of your bones break under my hands one, by one.”</p><p>“Then what the hell you waiting for?” Ladybug said, bringing her yo-yo out and spinning it next to her. “Come and try.”</p><p>Soufre lunged with her blade ready, and Ladybug side stepped easily onto the beam just behind her, jumping backwards and to the side to avoid the sharp object. She eventually got inside her guard, and grabbing her sword arm she used the other hand to punch her hard in the face, making her arch backwards.</p><p>Soufre jumped suddenly, and used her weight against her by tucking them shoving her feet against Ladybug’s chest. This sent her backwards, flailing around as her lungs squeezed all the air out of it and her diaphragm refused to cooperate with her wishes to breathe. Barely aware of her surroundings, she was vaguely aware of tumbling over the beams, before she was suddenly air born.</p><p>In a desperate attempt to stay alive she lashed out and somehow got a hold of the final beam off the side of the unfinished tower. Her fingertips dragged right up until the very edge and she felt her grip slipping as soon as she stopped sliding. Her tired weak body was not capable of finding the strength to pull herself up.</p><p>She didn’t have to, because a shout of outrage came from above her, and she saw from under the beams Soufre was closing in with a long blade that called for blood.</p><p>Without giving it a second thought, Ladybug let go of the edge right before Soufre stabbed the tip of her sword into the edge of the beam. Ladybug landed between the two beams shaped like a V and caught her breath, before feeling the hairs on the back of her neck prickling up and she moved.</p><p>This was a game of cat and mouse, only not the fun game she and Chat Noir played often when they were out on patrols. This was a game where the winner takes all, the other’s miraculous, powers, pride, and possibly their life. Ladybug knew for a fact that she would never kill intentionally, but after being akumatized and forced to do so, she wasn’t so sure now what she was and wasn’t capable of. But she somehow knew that this was different, that this was something she had to do, and if it came down to one of them dying, so be it—at least she did her best.</p><p>Ladybug spun up the beams, climbing the tower at a steady pace to keep away from Soufre, but to also not tire herself out anymore than necessary. If she was going to reach the top of this thing and Soufre ended up there too, then she was going to need energy to fight her without falling off the building.</p><p>Just as she was jumping to another beam, Soufre crashed into her, falling about ten feet before they crashed into a wooden platform that held by some miracle under their super strength. The breath did leave her body entirely, and she coughed desperately for it. But she suddenly had to focus all her energy into dodging the blade coming for her head in that moment.</p><p>Soufre was straddling her, holding her down as best she could while repeatedly trying to stab through Ladybug’s head. Her loud grunts and frustrated noises as she stabbed the blade repeatedly into the wood, centimeters away from Ladybug’s head. She moved her neck from side to side a few times, before getting her hands free from her sides and grabbing Soufre’s assaulting wrist.</p><p>She twisted her arm painfully above, making Soufre whine in pain as Ladybug twisted her off her enough that she was able to wrap her legs around her waist and flip them. They were now on the edge of the platform, with Soufre pinned underneath Ladybug as she reeled back. She punched her hard in the face, making her yelp in pain again, and she reeled back to do it again when something interrupted her.</p><p>A loud groan from the building below them made her have the brace herself on the platform, giving Soufre time to get her hands free and push Ladybug off her. Ladybug scrambled away from her and jumped off the platform, Soufre right behind her as she threw her yo-yo at one of the beams on the edge and swung down. She went through a hole on the side before swinging out into the opening of the building, twisting upside down once she was at the peak of her swing and landing about seven stories above Soufre, who sneered up at her and began climbing up the beams.</p><p>Ladybug took a two second breather, bracing herself against the beam next to her and looking up and down at the construction tower she was in. It was groaning and making these horrible screeching noises that only meant metal grinding on metal. Pieces of heavy debris where falling from the places she had hit and the areas Soufre and her had crashed into. The support beams she had crumbled earlier were central ones, and counting the ones that were crushed and crumpled from being thrown into them frequently, it made the building unstable.</p><p>She felt the strain the building was being put under from the super charged fight, and since the building was not completed and it was not fully supported, there was a high chance of her going down with it.</p><p>It’s Soufre’s screech of anger that jumped her from her thoughts, and she turned around just in time to block a hit to her face. She twisted inside her guard and elbowed her in the face, before using her leg to swing up then shoving it back, forcing Soufre to fall off her and into the center of the building. She crashed into another support beam, and this one must’ve been the one holding most of the building together. The building gave a loud groan before something large and heavy snapped above her, and she looked up just in time.</p><p>The top half of the building was tilting, just enough so that only a few beams snapped from the pressure or bent to its will. A few beams still remained, but it was clear the building was going to give in any minute.</p><p>“See what you did?!” Soufre yelled, attacking her again with a fury in her eyes. “You’re the one causing all this destruction!”</p><p>Ladybug barely caught the katana coming down on her head between her palms, struggling to hold the blade in place so it didn’t slice through her head.</p><p>“Look at yourself!” Ladybug yelled back, dropping the sword still between her palms to the side before kicking Soufre back. Ladybug dropped the sword to the side and caught herself against a beam as the building gave another violent jerk. “You’re the one that is causing all this! Do you really want to destroy the city?!”</p><p>“Nothing will stand in my way until you’re all dead!” Soufre screeched before lunging at her, grabbing her sword from the ground and parrying forward. Ladybug kicked the sword away from her before jumping up and climbing the beams.</p><p>She climbed about two stories before she took a breather, then looked down at her yo-yo. She could call upon her lucky charm now, but that will give her less time to get down the building since Soufre kept pushing her upwards. She could use it now, and then have an advantage that Soufre does not.</p><p>She debated, and when she saw Soufre climb through the beams and onto the floor she was across to the other side from, she called it over the noise as her enemy closed in on her.</p><p>Ladybug had just enough time to catch the hilt before shoving it in front of her. Blade clashed against blade, and she felt the heavy <em>twang </em>ricochet up her body. They strained for a moment, grimace of effort against grimace before Ladybug pushed back on her hard and fast. It was a match of steel against steel as Ladybug used her very sharp and effective katana against the other wielding one equally as dangerous.</p><p>Soufre still pushed her to the roof, and by the time the two already exhausted, grappling supers reached there, Ladybug had about two minutes left on her timer.</p><p>There was half of a platform built more solidly than the others below them, but it would do nothing for the already tilting tower. The roof was at a slant when Ladybug climbed onto the platform, Soufre right behind her with an angry grimace on her face.</p><p>Soufre lunged at her, going back and forth between parries and slashes, taking the offensive while Ladybug had no choice but to choose the defensive. She blocked and deflected as best she could, but she was getting tired and exhausted from the strain of fighting something hard and fast. It’s been a while since she’s fought something this difficult, especially with her energy and general heaviness keeping her down.</p><p>She heard the familiar beep on her earrings, that she had only one-minute left until she was left defenseless, and there was no one there to help her this time.</p><p>In a desperate attempt for this to be over, she lashed out suddenly, blocking another blow from Soufre’s blow before jumping inside her guard, holding her dominant wrist while kicking her hard in the stomach. She ripped the sword from Soufre’s hand, causing a painful lurch from the other girl because Ladybug is pretty sure she broke some of her fingers from the loud snap she heard. She tossed the blade behind her, hearing it slide off the roof and into the air below.</p><p>Ladybug grabbed the front of Soufre’s suit and the side of her face before shoving her down to the ground, pinning her beneath her weight like she had before.</p><p>That’s when Ladybug latched onto the miraculous wrapped around her neck, then ripped the thing off her.</p><p>As Lila’s suit faded, leaving just the liar with a beaten-up face and a few broke fingers, Ladybug held the butterfly miraculous tightly in her hand as she stepped over the girl and more towards the center of the platform. Tightly holding both her lucky charm, the katana, and the miraculous in the other hand she felt the building shiver again, and she reeled back so she could cast her cure across the damage she and Lila had caused.</p><p>She had only seconds left before her suit faded, and she had to cast her cure in order to possibly save lives below, and her life.</p><p>Just as she was about to throw it in the air and cast her cure words, something jumped on her, screaming in her ear and making her stumble over and lose her lucky charm. Lila grappled with her, sending the girls into a stupid cat fight with fingernails raking across Ladybug’s face. She felt her sharp claws dig into her cheek then jerk downwards, a warmth and sting spreading cross her cheek.</p><p>She fell backwards onto her back with Lila on top of her, still trying to scratch her eyes out. Ladybug briefly saw her lucky charm fall off the side of the building, just as her suit fell off.</p><p>In a flash of anger, Marinette shoved Lila off her and a few feet away.</p><p>“Are you crazy?!” Marinette yelled, getting to her feet. “We’re both going to die up here now!”</p><p>Lila also stood to her feet, eyeing the miraculous Marinette had in her hand. “Maybe you are,” she said, her eyes dark and desperate. “But I’m not.”</p><p>She lunged again, but this time Marinette was ready.</p><p>She grabbed Lila’s arms to protect herself from the blow, before grabbing the back of her hair and jerking her downwards.</p><p>It wasn’t intentionally for her to throw her forwards so hard.</p><p>Lila’s side hit the edge of the platform, before her entire body completely went off the side, her hand coming up just in time to grab the side. She screamed as held on just barely, the tower groaning under them loudly and jerking as the beams that were still intact snapped under the pressure.</p><p>Marinette, partly out of sympathy and partly because she didn’t want her to die, dropped to her knees and crawled to the edge, laying on her stomach as she reached out for the girl over the edge.</p><p>Suddenly, she had to hold on herself as there was a snap right in front of her. The beam Lila had been holding onto gave way and got shoved more out and away from the building. The girl on the steel beam, still somehow holding on after the violent jerk, screamed loudly as she got shoved away from possible safety.</p><p>Marinette could still reach Lila if she reached too, so she crawled more towards the beam that had half broken off and extended her arm, catching her attention.</p><p>“Grab onto me!” she screamed over the noise.</p><p>Lila stared at her, half in amazement and half in hesitation, before she carefully held on pulled herself more up so her chest was resting on top of the steel beam. That’s when she reached for Marinette as well, desperation in her eyes as she neared her fingertips with the strain of pushing her muscles.</p><p>Lila finally got her fingers into hers, and Marinette was just beginning to pull, when the unthinkable happened.</p><p>The evil bitch grabbed her harder before using her unbalanced self against her and pulled her over the side. Screaming, she felt her front go first, and she desperately grabbed onto the broken beam just as her legs fell over the side, and she almost let go as her weight caused her to violently jerk downwards.</p><p>Lila had gripped the beam again to keep herself up, but she had readjusted herself so that she dropped next to Marinette, about a yard away and held onto the beam with just her hands.</p><p>Marinette was beyond thinking Lila was crazy now as she held on tighter, and begged any God above that she would win this, despite what it would mean for the girl in front of her.</p><p>Lila kicked up at her, hitting her hip which made her sweaty hands almost slip, but she held on tighter and forced herself to hold on no matter how painful it was. With a painful shout she did the same with Lila, only her weaker hands that had been overworked slipped, and she screamed as she held on with one hand.</p><p>Lila wasn’t done with her fight though, because she used her momentum of having one hand to swing better and she grabbed onto Marinette’s shirt, trying to jerk her down. Marinette was daring and let go with one hand, shoving her easily away and latching onto the beam with two hands again.</p><p>Lila was too weak to reach up grab the beam with her other hand, and Marinette could tell she was losing the fight inside her.</p><p>She turned back to Marinette and suddenly she swung backwards, before she tried to kick her again with a frustrated shout. But Marinette dodged easily, and because it was a reflex, she ended up kicking Lila in the stomach, which is what caused her sweaty hand to slip from the beam.</p><p>Lila tried to grab onto Marinette as a final resort, desperation in her screams, but the fight was clearly over for her as she watched the girl lose the fight.</p><p>Lila slipped from her grip, then began falling down the side of the already crumbling building.</p><p>Marinette didn’t dare watch, instead she looked up at the beam she was still holding onto, the white noise creeping inside her ears as she realized what just happened. Her mind froze in shock and she felt her muscles tense up and suddenly become jelly. Everything inside her gurgled with a guilt unlike anything else, one in which she was glad she was gone, but at the same time she hated how much it hurt and felt good at the same time.</p><p>It was another loud groan from the building that snapped Marinette back to reality, and she readjusted her grip just in time before her fingertips were just going to let her fall. With an exhausted body and mind, the girl hauled herself with every ounce of strength she had left up again. She pulled herself up and over the beam, finally swinging a leg over the top of it and using those stronger muscles to pull herself the rest of the way up.</p><p>She straddled the beam and hugged it with both her arms and legs, holding on for dear life as she listened to the building struggling to keep upright.</p><p>“Marinette!” she heard in her ear, and she almost jumped.</p><p>“Tikki!” she said over the loud noise, remembering something about her kwami latching onto her shoulder after her suit had faded.</p><p>“Get back on the platform, Marinette!” her little companion yelled.</p><p>It was one of the hardest things Marinette has ever done. With her wobbly limbs and her trembling body, she was barely able to make it back onto the safety of the platform, despite how unsafe she still felt. The roof was now very slanted, and Marinette had to grab onto a support beam that had been sticking straight up and pull herself up and around this generator that was stuck to the floor. She leaned against it and found some safety in it, but she could still feel the building tipping.</p><p>The platform shuddered again and part of it slid off the building.</p><p>“<em>Shit!” </em>she shouted, watching it fly over the side. “Tikki, I don’t know what to do! I don’t have food or anything that could help us get out of here!”</p><p>“What are we going to do?!” Tikki yelled.</p><p>Marinette hesitated, unsure, before she got the worse idea ever. She slowly turned from her companion and looked over the side of the platform she was and through the center of the building to the ground below, which was fifty stories.</p><p>She swallowed nervously, “I think I’m gonna have to climb down.”</p><p>She could basically hear Tikki’s horror. “You could fall! You only get one chance at this and one mishap and—”</p><p>“I don’t think I have another choice Tikki!” Marinette shouted back, turning to her companion. “There’s not enough time for you to go find food and get back in time, and I can’t transform while you don’t have enough energy! I think—” she hesitated and looked down. “I think this is the only way.”</p><p>There was suddenly a loud clank behind her and for a second, she thought Lila was back somehow and she was here to kill her.</p><p>But no. In front of her was literally exactly what she needed.</p><p>“Or,” he said, smiling kindly at her. “You can let me get you outta here.”</p><p>A wave of relief rushed Marinette’s chest. “Carapace.”</p><p>He grinned, “Hey, Mari!” he said cheerfully, before extending a hand to her with his green shield glinting on his back. “Let’s get you on the ground.”</p><p>.               .               .</p><p>Chat Noir felt his jaw almost snap off from his skull when the punch landed on the side of his face, making him flip over and crash on the ground in a heap of groans and sputters. He felt blood gurgling up from his stomach from the various punches he’s taken there, letting the warm liquid fall on the asphalt and drip down his lips. He coughed some, and figured his assaulters were showing some kind of pitiful mercy. Despite how that’s the last thing he wanted from the people who’ve shown him nothing but cruelty in the past few years, and minutes.</p><p>He spat out the rest of the blood from his mouth and braced his hands on the ground, before lifting his aching body off the hard asphalt. He got to his feet and wiped his bloody mouth as he turned around, finding the dark blue figure and the icy cold assaulter.</p><p>For the past whoever who knows how long, Chat has been taking on both Mayura and Cygne Blanc, which is understandable. He knew Ladybug would have a handful just taking on Soufre with Lila under that mask. But these two were his family, they were the people that were supposed to be taking care of him, and yet here they are, hurting him the most.</p><p>“I underestimated you,” Cygne Blanc said, taking out another blade from his coat. Each feather was a new blade that shifted into whatever he’d like; a sword, a knife, a shard of glass—anything lethal in a double-edged way.  </p><p>Chat spit out another glob of blood before turning to them again, “Yeah? What changed your mind?”</p><p>Cygne remained expressionless, “You fight well.”</p><p>Chat snorted, “Thanks?”</p><p>“Adrien,” it was Mayura this time, and the fact that it sounded exactly like Nathalie—maybe because it <em>is </em>Nathalie—made it sound like his name should never be spoken that way again. “Please, I don’t want to hurt you.”</p><p>“You just tried to stab me with a freaking sword like thirty-two times!” he shouted at them. “If you didn’t want to hurt me, you’d stop this and surrender you miraculous.” He turned back to Cygne, who had an unreadable expression on his face. “Felix, what would your mother think of you?”</p><p>Cygne Blanc stalled in that moment, his eyes widening and looking down as he hesitated.</p><p>“Please,” Chat said as his voice cracked, looking between them with agony in his eyes. “I don’t want to fight my family anymore.”</p><p>There was a moment of silence.</p><p>Mayura stepped forward, “You betrayed your family when you chose Ladybug over your own father.”</p><p>Chat jumped back as Mayura lunged, parrying her sword that Cygne had given to her to use more effectively than the feathered fan. He deflected a few slashes and strikes, but he wasn’t expecting the tip of Mayura’s blade to suddenly stick in his arm.</p><p>Chat cried out, stumbling back and using his baton to deflect a wave of knives being sent from Cygne’s coat. He desperately side stepped another down strike from Mayura, but barely got out of the way in time to avoid the second side swipe of her blade.</p><p>It only got worse when four or five knives flew through the air and nearly his head, stomach chest and legs. He spared with Mayura once he got a hold of his balance back, and went back and forth with the angered super villain, all the while keeping his peripherals on Cygne, who was looking for a better angle.</p><p>This is what it has been like the entire time, fighting Mayura directly while barely missing, dodging and deflecting the blades continuing to shower over him from Cygne Blanc’s coat. He has been nicked and cut several places on his legs, his arms and his chest. There wasn’t a lot of blood, but from the deeper ones he could tell they would need to be covered soon. Once of those cuts he could deal with, but right now, he was trying to stay alive.</p><p>Mayura suddenly kicked him hard in the chest, shoving him up against a wall and he barely had time to sidestep the blow before her fist went straight through the brick. He kicked her down, and she hit her head on the ground, so it gave him enough time to focus on Cygne, who was now closing in for a direct fight.</p><p>Cygne brought out two medium sized swords, and flipped them so the back of the blade pressed against the outsides of his forearms. In response, Chat brought his baton out and broke it into two halves and doing the same thing with his baton as he did with his knives.</p><p>Chat was the one that attacked first, bringing one side of his baton down but Cygne blocked it and pushed it aside. He used the hilt of his other blade to punch Chat hard in the face, then kneed him in the stomach, making him keel over. Chat grabbed the arm that was going to come down on him with a blade in his back and pushed his arms to the side before straightening and shoving the heel of his palm into his jaw.</p><p>This sent Cygne stumbling, and Chat staggered his step to skip towards him, before bringing his leg up and pushing him all the way to the ground with the force. Cygne had only moments before Chat was on him, and before the superhero socked him hard in the face, making him slump backwards into an unmovable position.</p><p>He was just about to bend over and look for his miraculous, but the hairs on the back of his neck shot up and he reached behind him as he began turning around. He was able to catch the blade in his hand. The problem was, he caught the blade in his hand.</p><p>The sharp edge went past his iron like suit and dug into his skin, not too deep, but deep enough he could start seeing the blood forming in his palm.</p><p>He brought it to the side before reeling back and punching Mayura in the face, making her stumble back. She had dropped the hilt of her sword, and Chat quickly picked it up by the hilt and threw it down the street.</p><p>He knew in that moment he had no time to go searching for miraculouses. He took the opportunity of both his opponents being distracted and turned tail and ran. He used his baton to rise above the rooftops and drop down on them just to break out in a sprint. He scaled the buildings and jumped from chimneys, trying to get as far away as possible.</p><p>He had no idea where Ladybug was, or if she was okay. He hasn’t had any chance to contact her since the villains decided to separate them.</p><p>He brought out his baton quickly and dialed her number, listening to it ring once before the familiar beep of the voicemail offering to take a message. He shut it off because he was pretty sure he couldn’t breathe a single word until he stopped and rested.</p><p>He found the next alleyway and dropped down from the rooftop, landing maybe three stories below the rooftops.</p><p>Chat shoved himself against the wall, “Claws in,” he breathed.</p><p>His suit faded away and his knees crumbled with it. He collapsed on the ground as Plagg flew out of his ring and landed on his owner’s wobbly knees.</p><p>“Hang in there, kid,” the god of destruction said. “You’re doing great.”</p><p>Adrien huffed and gulped in as much air as possible, feeling his lungs squeezing his entire respiratory system. “I feel like shit, Plagg,” he said, hugging his stomach as side aches pulsed up his body. “I feel like I’m losing.”</p><p>“You’re alive,” his kwami said, with a strange amount of pride in his voice. “That’s more than enough.”</p><p>Adrien smiled, “Thanks, Plagg.”</p><p>“Don’t get all cheesy on me,” he said, snorting at his holder.</p><p>Adrien almost chuckled but his stomach hurt too much. “Go find something to eat, you’ll need your energy.”</p><p>Plagg looked at his holder hesitantly, “And what are you gonna do?”</p><p>Adrien sighed, “I need to breathe for a second, and you need to get some more energy while we still can.” He closed his eyes and after a moment he said almost sleepily, “As soon as you’re back, we’re getting right back out there.”</p><p>Plagg still hesitated, and Adrien felt relieved that his little friend cared about him more than food for once, even if he didn’t say it.</p><p>“Go,” Adrien said, smiling at him. “I’ll be fine.”</p><p>Plagg hesitated one last time before he turned and left, zipping around the corner at lightning speed to do what his holder suggested and hurry back to him.</p><p>Adrien rested his head back against the wall, feeling the sweat and blood alike drip down his skin from different places. He felt sticky, gross, and above all tired, like he could sleep for three days and it still wouldn’t be enough. His body ached in ways it never has before, maybe after a terrible battle or getting shot for the first time, but he doesn’t remember it hurting this bad. But he also knew the sad truth, and the sad truth is that he’s been holding back the waves of tears and emotions bound to drown him eventually. But that wasn’t the priority right now; staying alive was the priority.</p><p>He felt a lump form in his stomach when he thought about Ladybug, and what might’ve happened to her as of this moment. He had a bad feeling she was in a worse situation than he was, and that was saying something.</p><p>He didn’t like the fact that he hadn’t heard from her yet, at least a text or two that she was okay, alive and ready to help him with his fight against Cygne Blanc and Mayura.</p><p>But he had to trust her right now, and not think about her so that he could stay focused on the battle.</p><p>He jumped when a thud came from the end of the alleyway, and he instinctively ducked down behind the dumpsters and pressed himself against the wall. He listened carefully, and above the loud pounding heartbeat in his ears, he heard the faint footsteps approaching. He stilled his breath, willed his throbbing heart to stall just for one second so he could hide properly as the steps got closer and closer.</p><p>Then they stopped.</p><p>Adrien didn’t move.</p><p>But then someone grabs him by the front of his shirt and slammed him against the wall, and he’s so startled he takes a minute to recognize that he should be afraid.</p><p>“You can’t hide from me, Adrien,” Mayura spat, saying his name like it was venom. “I know everything about you, including the places you will hide.”</p><p>“Nathalie!” Adrien gasped, struggling against her impossibly strong grip. “Nathalie let me go!”</p><p>“Not until I have your miraculous,” she said, her eyes wide and crazy. “And your life.”</p><p>Adrien widened his eyes at the large blade that she drew from her side, and he closed his eyes as she raised it, preparing for the worst.</p><p>But that was when a chorus of beautiful notes filled the air.</p><p>And then, a dog’s howls.</p><p>There was the sound of several pawed feet pounding against the ground as Adrien turned towards the alleyway, just as several large black dogs raced into the cornered off alleyway. They barked and snarled their teeth as they pounded towards the two beings, loud vicious noises and slobbering drool getting flicked around as they jerked from the power of their barks.</p><p>Mayura suddenly let go of Adrien when the dogs cornered her, and as soon as he was free, he climbed up on the dumpster he was hiding behind and looked down on the scene. They looked vicious and terrible, like they could rip you limb from limb just by the power of their jaws and bites. He wanted to get away from them and Mayura, but he wasn’t sure if he could run out the alley without either of them following him.</p><p>He didn’t know what to do. Even though Mayura was the one backed up into a corner, he’s the one that felt trapped.</p><p>But that was before something landed next to him on the dumpster, and he jumped, thinking it was another dog coming after the meat on his bones.</p><p>“Let’s go,” Rena Rouge said, her bright orange color standing out from the dark, decrepit look of the alleyway.</p><p>He could only stare at her for a moment, completely in shock.</p><p>“C’mon dumbass!” Rena said extending her hand. “You wanna get outta here or not?”</p><p>He nodded dumbly, “Yes.”</p><p>“Then let’s go!” she shouted, grabbing his arm. “Marinette is waiting for you.”</p><p>At the name ‘Marinette,’ Adrien’s heart jumpstarted, and suddenly he was finally aware that he was getting rescued. Trying not to be super lame about it, but he climbed onto Rena Rouge’s back and just before she was going to take off, Plagg returned and saw what was happening.</p><p>“You see!” Plagg shouted as he latched onto Adrien’s shirt. “I’m always right!”</p><p>Adrien didn’t have time to respond before Rena Rouge jumped from the alleyway, leaving behind Mayura and the vicious dogs that were merely illusions.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Well, what do you know? Another cliffhanger. </p><p>Just gonna drop this here and run :D</p><p>Love you guys, uploading the next chapter soon!<br/>~happt</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0044"><h2>44. Gods</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>History has a way of repeating itself.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Warnings: Graphic Depictions of Violence, Character Death.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chapter 44: Gods</p><p> </p><p>It took two minutes for Adrien to realize how much pain he was in. He figured it was the adrenaline rush and the constant need to focus in the midst of battle that kept him from focusing on his pain. But now as he flew through the air with Rena Rouge carrying him on her back, he suddenly felt like every jump across a building was like whiplash.</p><p>His body ached, and not just the hot and sweaty fever kind of symptoms. He felt like his muscles were melting in the way where he was dipped into hot wax with bleeding cuts and infected blood. His legs were starting to get worn out and tired, and his arms felt like a strait jacket was confining and restraining his movement. It was some miracle that he was able to hold onto Rena Rouge’s shoulders the whole way to wherever they were going.</p><p>By the time they arrived on some balcony of an apartment high up from the ground, Adrien felt like his entire body had been dipped into boiling water, then suddenly dumped with ice cold water. His limbs were trembling, and his breath was fogging up around him as he looked around the city, which was currently filled with sirens, smoke, and screams.</p><p>And he could do nothing about it. </p><p>The cold air was replaced by a chill as he entered Alya and Nino’s apartment from the side, pushing the sliding door shut and locking it before returning his gaze in front of him. It was the same from the last time he was there, in fact, the circumstances were almost exactly the same. Here Nino and Alya were, saving his ass once again.</p><p>“Adrien?”</p><p>He jerked his head to the side at the voice, his eyes wide as they landed on the figure standing shakily from the couch, pushing off her knees.</p><p>His shoulders relaxed and he felt a thousand pounds being lifted off his shoulders. “Marinette.”</p><p>She rounded the couch, and he went to meet her before they crashed into each other’s arms. Adrien wrapped his arms around her shoulders and held her tight and close with an intent to never let her go. After a day like today, a fight like today, it felt so good to just hold her in his arms. He could feel her trembling in his hold, like she was both fighting off the need to cry while also trying to hide the sobs she was not hiding well enough.</p><p>Adrien felt like he was going to cry himself. Everything in his life at the moment was fading and dying and shriveling, while she still stood nearby, ready to catch him if he fell. He wanted to stay in that perfect moment of reunion and listen to her pounding heartbeat syncing with his while they slept. He wanted to hold her between his arms and wrap the blankets around her small frame and hide her away from the world so she wouldn’t get hurt. He wanted to live in a world where only she and this peaceful moment lived, and he wanted nothing more to just forever live in it.</p><p>But he also knew that if he did step into that fantasy, he would be leaving behind a city that was bleeding and needed his help to heal.</p><p>Marinette took a shaky breath in before hugging him tighter, readjusting her chin so it pressed against his shoulder. “I thought I lost you,” she whispered, shaking in his arms.</p><p>He held her tighter, “I thought I lost you too.”</p><p>She shuddered and buried her face into his neck, kissing the skin where his heartbeat throbbed and pulsed. This was a way she used to physically say she was glad he was alive. He knew that just by the way she was holding him and kissed him there two more times.</p><p>“It’s okay,” he said softly back, rubbing his hand up and down her back to help relax her muscles. “I’m here now.”</p><p>She nodded against him and nuzzled into his shoulder, “I’m here too, I’m okay.”</p><p>He nodded back and buried his face into her hair, inhaling her beautiful vibrant scent of vanilla and sweetened flowers. He could feel how badly she was banged up by the way her knees trembled and how her left arm held him weaker than the right arm.</p><p>He leaned back and finally looked at her, noticing the various bruises and cuts on her arms and face. Her eyes were glassy and puffy, obviously from crying about something he didn’t know about yet. Her gaze also had a lidded, shadowed look to them, a slight darker shade than usual. He knew she’s been through a lot, and he can’t imagine how it feels, but there was something else there, something recent.</p><p>He gently cupped her neck, “You okay? What’s going on?”</p><p>She hesitated and looked up at him for a moment, pressed her lips together like she was debating whether or not speaking was a good idea.</p><p>He could see from the look in her eyes that she needed space, but not from him, but a safer place to talk than out in the open.</p><p>He looked up and finally acknowledged Nino and Alya trying to mind their own business while the other couple in the room had their moment. But Nino raised his eyes as soon as Adrien looked at him, already anticipating his question.</p><p>“There’s a bathroom down the hall,” Nino said, gesturing down a small hallway behind him.</p><p>He nodded at him and Alya, “Thank you,” he said, gratitude for more than the offer.</p><p>Nino nodded once before returning his gaze back to Alya and starting up a conversation about something Adrien didn’t catch. He was too busy watching a distraught Marinette stare off to the side with a video of something playing over and over again.</p><p>“C’mon,” he said, taking her hand and pulling her along with him as he turned down the hallway.</p><p>He tugged her along with him as he searched for the bathroom, finally finding it all the way down at the end of the hallway with its door slightly cracked. He reached out and pushed it open, flicking the lights on and flinching a little from the vibrant brightness of the bathroom. He pulled her into the bathroom before gently closing the door behind him and locking it for more privacy.</p><p>He turned back to the girl still clutching his hand, her little fingers tiny compared to his and almost white knuckling him. He looked at her in concern before bringing her hand up to his chest and wrapping his other hand around hers, waiting patiently for her gaze. She knew he was trying to catch her eyes, and he knew there was guilt for something she believed was her fault there as well, but he didn’t say anything. Instead, he waited in silence for the girl with glimmering eyes to look at him, and finally shed another one of her protective layers and be vulnerable with him.</p><p>“Hey,” he said, after several minutes had passed and neither one of them said anything. “What’s going on?”</p><p>She was silent for a long time, before finally glancing up at him and then back down again, licking her lips in hesitation.</p><p>He tilted his head to catch her eyes again, “Hey,” he said softly, reaching out to her and gently lifting her chin back up. “You can tell me anything.”</p><p>Marinette stared up into his eyes with a trembling gaze, before pulling her chin from his grasp and stepping away from him, letting go of his hand as well. She averted her eyes to the floor and turned her back on him as he watched helplessly, feeling like a complete waste of time. He stared at the back of her head for a minute, watching her shoulders slump then rise with each shuddery breath.</p><p>“Lila’s dead,” she said, her voice tight as she dropped her head.</p><p>Adrien wasn’t surprised. In fact, he’s ashamed to admit the first thought that came to mind was <em>karma’s a bitch. </em></p><p>He cleared his throat and took a step forward, reaching out to her as if to touch her, but she stopped him.</p><p>“Please, don’t,” she snapped, still turned around. “I… I can’t look at you when I say this.”</p><p>He remained silent, and instead waited for her to continue.</p><p>“I…” her hands moved to her front, where she no doubt started picking at her fingernails ruthlessly. He could practically feel the roaring anxiety rolling off her shoulders, but not in a relieving way. “I… we were on the top of the building and she stopped me before I could use my miraculous cure and—” she cut off, her voice betraying her as it snapped. “And while I had her miraculous, she grabbed me just as mine was fading and… and then she ended up falling off the side…”</p><p>Marinette trailed off, leaving the room silent for a long time.</p><p>“I tried to get to her because I didn’t want her to <em>die. </em>I just… I just thought I could spare one more life today, but—” she breathed, taking a deep breath as her shoulders tensed. “And… she pulled me over the side… but I was the one that kicked her off.”</p><p>Adrien felt his blood go cold.</p><p>“And I just—” he heard her voice crack and her throat tightened, a sign she was about to cry. “She didn’t deserve to <em>die, </em>Adrien. She’s done horrible things and she—” she stopped, as if she realized something, before turning around to him, facing him with tear-streaked cheeks and shocked eyes. “She may have done terrible things, to me and a whole bunch of different people, but so have I,” she said, gesturing at herself. “I’ve done terrible things… but I… I don’t deserve… I don’t deserve to… <em>die</em>…”</p><p>Adrien stared at her for a long time, wondering what was going through her head as she stared right back at him. He doesn’t know how long he spent staring into her eyes, but he didn’t care because she was <em>alive, </em>and she was saying that she <em>deserved to be alive. </em></p><p>He thought it would be years, and maybe never, before he heard her say that about herself.</p><p>And, weirdly enough, it was the death of an enemy that finally helped her see that she deserved to be alive.</p><p>Adrien felt his eyes prickling, but he held them back for her sake and finally stepped closer, never taking his eyes off her as he entered her space. He reached up to her and gently cupped her cheeks, brushing the tears running down her cheeks softly as she tried to stop the silent tears running down her face. He was patient for her, waiting with a quiet presence close to her so she could calm down.</p><p>Sometime in the next few minutes of silence filled with her small gasps and his gentle hushes, her fist twirled into his shirt and latched onto him.</p><p>“Listen,” Adrien whispered a few minutes after she had calmed down. He still held her face, and intended to let go of their closeness only when he absolutely needed to. He waited until she met his eyes before speaking again. “You did what you had to do, okay?” he said, watching the doubt form in her eyes. “It was either her or you, there’s no competition there.”</p><p>“But…” she looked so lost. “But…”</p><p>“It doesn’t matter who gets to live or die, what matters is that you did, and I’m so proud of you that decided to fight it instead of just letting go,” he said, smiling at her. “It was either you or her, and I’d pick you in a second.”</p><p>“But it wasn’t you,” she said, sniffling. “It was <em>me.” </em></p><p>“And you would be dead if you hadn’t fought,” he said, studying her face. “And you <em>need </em>to believe that you had no other choice or else you would’ve been the one falling down the building.” He brushed some hair behind her ear and met her anxious gaze. “You did what you had to do, My Lady.”</p><p>She was silent as she stared into his eyes for a long time, a definite debate grinding down on her morals, emotions and thoughts that were suddenly dealing with this flipped information. She was not expecting an answer that she wasn’t guilty, yet the guilt still remained in her eyes even as she agreed. He guessed that was best for now, because they would soon have bigger things to deal with.</p><p>“Okay,” she whispered, before stepping forward and wrapping her arms around his middle. “Thank you.”</p><p>He wrapped his arms around her shoulders and hugged her tightly, “You’re okay, Mari,” he said, swaying them gently. “It’s not your fault.”</p><p>He didn’t know whether or not she believed it, but in that moment they were both too tired to even try and argue. So, they just swayed to nonexistent music, while an unknown death march played outside in the streets as the city fell to pieces.  </p><p>.               .               .</p><p> </p><p>Adrien had fallen asleep on the couch with Marinette sleeping on his chest, allowing themselves a much-needed rest with the sanctuary they had for the time being. They hated leaving the city defenseless for a while, but they also realized they would be no use to anyone if they were exhausted, over exerted heroes. So, for an hour and a half, they let their bodies recharge with the other’s presence close by and breathing to lull them to sleep.</p><p>It was Nino that gently shook Adrien awake, the young man flinching away from the intrusion, in turn making Marinette jerk awake.</p><p>“Sorry,” Nino said, looking sheepish. He gestured behind himself, “But you should come look at this.”</p><p>Adrien and Marinette pushed themselves off the couch with sore bodies and aching joints, holding back their groans and following Nino into the main living room, where Alya was waiting in front of the TV. She was biting her lip nervously when and holding the remote up, her eyes glued to the screen in front of her until the others entered the room.</p><p>“What’s up?” Adrien asked, stopping beside her.</p><p>Alya didn’t say anything, instead she pressed the volume button up and waited as the woman on the screen said a few words about the unknown disaster happening. She was only on the screen for a moment before the image blinked to another scene. It showed video footage and photographs of damaged, crumbled buildings, shattered windows and broken streets with cars burning to a crisp. It was a similar image from when Ladybug got akumatized, even though the city wasn’t fully healed since then. Just when he thought the city couldn’t get any worse from the damage it was trying to heal from, the buildings, cars and people were already burning under the villain’s rage.</p><p>Adrien felt a cold sense of nostalgia watching the scene and tried to keep his gaze away from Marinette, who was staring at the screen right next to him.</p><p>“Oh my God,” Adrien said, as he watched the destruction.</p><p>“This…” Marinette started, shaking her head. “How are we going to remedy this?”</p><p>For once, Adrien did not have words of reassurance ready for her as his city burned.</p><p>“Well, we have to do s<em>omething,” </em>Alya said, turning to the others and crossing her arms. “We can’t just sit back and watch as they tear apart our city.”</p><p>“We’ve worked our asses off trying to defeat them and we both almost died trying,” Adrien said, arguing against it. “If we go back out there, we’re dead, but if we don’t, everyone else is dead.”</p><p>“We have no choice,” Marinette said, stepping forward and facing Adrien. “We’re the superheroes, we are the only ones that even have a chance against those two.”</p><p>Adrien sighed and shook his head, reaching up and resting the weight of his arms on his neck, looking down at his feet. “Why do we have to the be the ones that do it?”</p><p>“Because no one else will,” Marinette said, stepping towards him and catching his gaze. “We can’t bail out. The city needs us.”</p><p>Adrien scoffed, “Well, I never was one for running.” He looked at her curiously, “How do you turn a no to a yes?”</p><p>She almost smiled but covered it up with a humorous huff. “Talent. Now are you with me, or not?”</p><p>He smiled, “Is that even a question?” He nodded at her, “I’m with you, always.”</p><p>“What can we do?” Nino stepped forward, determination in his eyes.</p><p>Marinette pressed her lips together for a moment, considering as she glanced between Alya, Nino and Adrien. Her eyes were thoughtful, obviously thinking of a plan that was forming not so easily in her head.</p><p>“I need you guys in the city,” she said finally, looking between Alya and Nino. “Get all civilians to safety as you can, I’m not taking the chance of no one looking after the city while we keep an eye on Mayura and Cygne Blanc.” Her gaze fell on Adrien, “You and I are going after them.”</p><p>He felt a lump form in his gut, a grief poking at his insides, but he shoved it down and nodded.</p><p>“You sure you can take them down by yourselves?” Alya asked concerned.</p><p>Marinette bit her lip nervously, “I don’t know.” She looked up into Adrien’s eyes and looked like she was hesitating almost. “But…” she looked down, thinking again. “I don’t think we have any other choice. The people matter too, and you need to save as many lives as you can with the disaster happening around the city.” She turned to Alya and brought something out from her pocket, the butterfly miraculous, and outstretching it to her friend. “I trust you,” she said, moving her hand and urging her to take it. “I can’t carry this around with me while we’re fighting. Can you put it somewhere safe?”</p><p>Alya nodded immediately, taking the miraculous in her hands. “You’re the boss,” she said, crossing her arms with the miraculous in her hand. “But how are you going to defeat them?”</p><p>Adrien had been silent this entire time, but he felt a push to speak up. “Together,” he said, looking over at Marinette. “We’re gonna do this together. As partners.”</p><p>She smiled, “Just like old times, huh?”</p><p>He smiled softly back at her, “Old times.” He shook his head, “But doing it together hasn’t changed.”</p><p>She nodded, “No, it hasn’t.”</p><p>With her looking at him like that, Adrien suddenly felt a surge of confidence, despite all the agony bound to come, and the grief of fighting the people that were his family. He knew this was going to hurt, probably more than when he found out about his father, but that was okay. It was already hurting him enough to make him want to tear everything in sight shreds, then crawl into a corner and shove the rest of his emotions down until he was a black hole of nothing.</p><p>He didn’t know what was going to happen at the end of it, he just hoped, that after everything that has happened to him, all the people he’s lost and family that has betrayed him, that she doesn’t go too. He’s watched it once happen before, and it was a miracle she was still alive, even if it was because of selfish intentions. He couldn’t watch her die again, after all the pain he’s seen in her and tortured himself with, he was positive losing her would be the end of his days.</p><p>He couldn’t lose her. And the desperate need to keep her safe pressed hard on his heart, weighing down his shoulders, as if her life was now settling in his hands. But her soul still vibrated with warmth, despite the dark envelope tucked away inside the folds of her being. He knew there was light in there that decimated the darkness, they both just needed a little time to find it.</p><p>The idea of losing her, losing the one last beam of light she allowed him to hold in his hands, her very soul, the beautiful starlite spotlight her life brought to his was too astounding to let go of. If he lost sight of her, if he had to watch her die all over again with a knife through the heart, not even a chance to say goodbye, he knew he’s lost more than himself. She gave himself his being back, his chance at being happy again, his chance of trusting and… loving someone again.</p><p>Without her, there was no him. And if she did leave him like that, there was no telling how far Adrien would crawl into that dark hole, burying himself alive in his own hurt. And listening helplessly to his throbbing heartbeat, while his arms remained cold and vacant of her presence.</p><p>“So, what’s the plan?” Nino asked, jerking Adrien from his depression.</p><p>Marinette shook her head, “Just… fight.” She looked up at Adrien, nodding at him. “And win.”</p><p>He stared at her for a long time, before slowly nodding at her with confirmation. If they were going to win, then winning meant her staying with him, and staying with him, meant a possible future of healing.</p><p>.               .               .</p><p>Ladybug and Chat Noir landed in the Trocadéro, the garden well known to Paris in this area. However, it wasn’t filled with its usually festive mood and colorful smiles all around. Today, with the distant shudders and shakes as the city fell apart, the garden had cracks and burnt patches of grass all around the field. The air was smoky and muggy from the fires that still burned over the sky, turning it orange and making their lungs feel heavy and dry.</p><p>There was the sound of destruction in the distance, explosions and crumbling bricks that fell almost every few minutes. On their way there, Chat couldn’t help but stare down at the people he couldn’t save in that moment, watching a family cry as they lost their home, a kid with a teddy bear running ahead of his mother, before the building caught up to her. People screamed, ran and held hands as they dove into the madness on the streets, the city booming with its own screams.</p><p>Chat turned around as Ladybug and him made their way more towards the stairs, their wide eyes saying all they couldn’t as they took in the destruction.</p><p>“And they were just trying to get our attention,” Ladybug said, her voice low. “As if throwing me off a building isn’t enough.”</p><p>“To be fair, we were the ones that went running,” he said, still admiring the burnt spots in the pavement and grass below. “That didn’t give them an invitation to destroy half the city,” he muttered.</p><p>“The trail ended here,” Ladybug said, bringing up her hands as she thought out loud. “I don’t see anything beyond the garden that could mean they’re further that way,” she pointed straight ahead, where the destruction faded slightly in the distance. She sighed and dropped her arm, “But almost everything else in the city is burning, so it’s almost impossible to tell <em>exactly</em> where they are.”</p><p>Chat looked at her, watching the lines in her forehead begin to form as she thought hard. She was always the one that came up with the plans and she was always ready with one up her sleeve in the middle of a fight. She just had to dig around and find it before she could play it. It was a terribly stressful job though, he knew, just by watching her and taking on the Ladybug miraculous once in his lifetime. He couldn’t imagine himself having it, or even anyone else wearing those earrings besides Marinette. They suited her and thank God they happened to land her careful and capable hands.</p><p>“We’ll find them,” he said encouragingly. He looked out beyond the gardens, “We all want this to end one way or another.”</p><p>There was another shudder that ran through the city, and Chat felt his weight wobble slightly from it.</p><p>“Yeah,” Ladybug said, sounding unconvinced. “Hopefully.”  </p><p>There was a moment of silence as they listened to the destruction.</p><p>“Where could they <em>be</em>?” Ladybug hissed, turning and looking all around her. “It’s not like any of us are hiding!”</p><p>“Calm down,” Chat said, taking a step towards her and putting a hand on her shoulder. “We’ll find them, alright? They aren’t going to stop until they have our miraculous, and we aren’t going to stop until we have theirs. Besides, we have to find each other before we can do anything.”</p><p>There was the sound of something landing behind them, and Chat froze.</p><p>“And find you I did.”</p><p>Chat and Ladybug turned just as Cygne Blanc stood from his crouched spot several yards away from them, a blade shining in his hand. He had soot and black grime staining his once perfect white suit, the evidence of the destruction he caused trying to call them out. His expression was just as white as his suit, blank and emotionless, with a little bit of darkness in them.</p><p>Chat faced him fully, studying him. “Took you long enough,” he remarked.</p><p>Cygne sneered, “Like you were doing anything better.” He snorted darkly, “Hiding, while you allowed your city to crumble and fall, all because you needed a few hours to breathe.” He shook his head, “By the time I’m done with <em>both </em>of you, you’ll be <em>begging</em> to be able to breathe again.”</p><p>“And if you touch <em>her,” </em>Chat said, instinctively stepping forward. His eyes darkened, “You won’t even be breathing.”</p><p>That’s when Cygne lunged, Chat following suit just after him. Bringing out his baton, he quickly extended it and blocked a strike over the head. He dipped his grip on his baton and let the sword slide to the ground and send sparks a few inches away. Chat used the momentum to send a kick his way, but Cygne easily grabbed his ankle and pinned it to his side. He spun gripped his ankle hard before jerking him to the side, spinning only about one hundred sixty degrees before letting go, sending chat flying several yards away.</p><p>Chat hit the ground hard, tumbling over his flailing body only about two or three times before finally stopping. He groaned and pressed his palms face down, attempting to push himself up on his shaky arms that trembled at his weight. He managed to push to his forearms and lifted his woozy head towards the white figure again.</p><p>Ladybug had already engaged him, her yo-yo spinning around both of them, trying to get a hold of an arm, a leg, and maybe even his sword. He parried and brought down heavy strikes on her, but she stood her ground, dodged when needed, before side stepping and casting her yo-yo again. They repeated this pattern in several different ways for a few seconds, before Cygne finally seemed to learn the pattern.</p><p>By the time Chat had finally pushed himself to his weak legs, he heard a yelp getting quickly cut off suddenly and he jerked his head to the side.</p><p>Cygne Blanc had pushed Ladybug up against the wall, the stone behind it cracking from the force he used on shoving her against it. His fingers were wrapped viciously around her neck, and her eyes widened when he suddenly tightened his grip, cutting off her airway.</p><p>Chat had never felt such an adrenaline rush as he propelled forward, sprinting as fast as he could towards the white figure, who was raising his blade up above Ladybug’s head.</p><p>Chat got there just before he was going to reel back, and he body slammed into him. He fell back and tumbled down the stairs, losing his blade along the way as he made his way down to the landing. Ladybug fell to the ground in sputtered breaths as Cygne Blanc tumbled away, holding her neck as she coughed heavily, trying to regain the air that was in her lungs.  </p><p>He finally stopped rolling at the bottom of the stairs, groaning and moving to raise his head.</p><p>“Don’t touch her,” Chat said darkly, stepping in front of Ladybug.</p><p>Cygne Blanc looked up at him, a small trail of blood running down his chin from his lips. With a heavy breath, he pushed himself to his knees then finally too his knees, straightening while he wiped his nose with the back of his hand. He noticed the blood as soon as he pulled his hand away, looking down at it not at all surprised, and maybe looking a little impressed.</p><p>He dropped his arm and looked up at the black cladded hero who was glaring darkly at him. “If you insist on taking her place in fate,” he said, before flipping a new blade into his hand. “I don’t mind.”</p><p>Chat didn’t wait for his attack and leapt off the stairs while Cygne threw knife after knife after him. He twisted in mid air and landed behind him, forcing Cygne to turn with him. Before Cygne could even get the chance to throw another blade at him, Chat lunged forward and grabbed his dominant arm, forcing him back with his strength.</p><p>Cygne jerked his arm to the side and socked Chat in the face, a flash of light and a flare of pain exploding on his already injured face. Chat forced himself to let go, keeping his eyes on his angered opponent and leapt into a backflip to avoid more blades.</p><p>He landed in a crouch, bringing out his baton and deflecting each knife coming at his face, aware that Cygne was getting closer. As soon as he was close enough, Chat deflected another blade away before evading the last one and bringing his baton down on Cygne, who blocked him easily.</p><p>They battle, baton against blade that made a loud clang each time the two met. Chat didn’t know where Ladybug was at the moment, but he didn’t care, all he wanted was to keep all the focus on him so she could have room to breathe.</p><p>And come up with a plan.</p><p>She didn’t have enough time, however.</p><p>Cygne brought out a small knife from behind him with his free arm, and swung it in an arc towards Chat’s head. He had noticed it on time, so he grabbed his wrist and forced it down, but not without losing his grip and getting hit in the face. The heel of his hand slammed into his lips, his teeth rattling as he stumbled back, trying to keep his eyes open as his opponent approached him.</p><p>Cygne Blanc drove his knife down, and Chat barely caught it in time, but the villain slipped from his grasp, pushed his arms to the side, before slamming the small knife into Chat’s side.</p><p>“Chat!” he heard Ladybug screech from somewhere in front of him.</p><p>The pain flared up his side, not enough to completely cripple him, but he was surprised nonetheless as the heat seeped up his side. He forced the cry of pain down his throat before using the rest of his strength to force Cygne’s grip away from him. The knife pulled out of him, a painful rip going through his nerves that felt like his muscles were being burned. But this barely registers in his mind, before he grabbed Cygne, punched him hard in the face and shoving him backwards until he fell over his feet and onto his back.</p><p>Chat got on top of him, before grabbing his collar and socking him hard in the face, making his already bleeding face gush more blood from his nose and mouth. Chat watched him for a second, his dazed expression, before he reeled back and punched him again, making him jerk and release a startled shout.</p><p>Cygne was completely dazed and out of it when Chat reached for his miraculous, the ring Felix always wore, and pulled it off his finger. The transformation faded off him in a flash of light as Chat stood above him, stepping over the weakened body of Felix Graham de Vanily.</p><p>As soon as the adrenaline faded from his muscles, the warm sickly feeling returned to his side and he immediately felt dizzy. With the stinging from the gash in his side and the pounding headache he had from the rush of adrenaline, he crumbled to his knees, groaning as he held his bleeding side.</p><p>“Chat!” Ladybug called, and he could here the way she struggled to her feet by the way her coughs sounded hoarse. No wonder she couldn’t help him. She eventually made it over to him, collapsing to her knees in front of him and resting her hands on his shoulders. “Chat?”</p><p>He raised his head and peeked through one trembling eyelid, grinning through the pain. “Hey, My Lady,” he said weakly.</p><p>“Oh my God, you’re hurt,” she said, pushing his hands away to look at the stinging wound in his side. He felt like a million little needles were still poking him there and injecting an acid.</p><p>“Gee, really?” he said sarcastically. Chuckling a little as he watched her study his side with concern in her eyes. “Haven’t noticed,” he said, softening a little bit.</p><p>“Shut up, you scared me,” she said, still fussing over him and opening the damaged part of his suit. He watched as her face morphed from worry to slightly relieved as she finally saw the full extent of the wound. “It’s not that deep, he stabbed you from the side, but the knife only pierced through your skin, it didn’t hit anything major. It’s no bleeding too much, so it should last until this is all over.” She looked up at him with relieved eyes, her close proximity suddenly softening both of them and gently pushing them into an intimate, close moment. “You’re gonna be okay,” she said softly.</p><p>He smiled and brushed some sweaty hair behind her ear, “I couldn’t just leave you behind so easily.”</p><p>The look that crossed her eyes was indescribable, except for the emotionally part. Her eyes welled up, but she scrunched up her face to keep herself from crying as she looked down, gathering herself. She took only a few moments of silence before she lifted her eyes to him again and smiled warmly.</p><p>Chat grabbed her offered hand, and although the effort wasn’t really there as she tried to lift him to his feet, the gesture was kind and he accepted it.</p><p>He let her balance him for a moment, letting the spots fade from his vision that was not part of Ladybug’s suit. He felt all the blood rushing to his head from the mild pain in his side and the headache throbbing inside his skull, like a rogue caged animal was banging against the walls.</p><p>He could feel her exhaustion as well. Her hands shook as they stayed enclosed in his and her legs were visibly trembling underneath her, threatening to give out and drop her to the floor. Her eyes looked ready to pass out, and clearly both their physical state was barely holding on, especially from how much energy they spent on the battle earlier.</p><p>There was a loud groan below them, and Chat looked down next to him at Felix. His cousin groaned loudly again before raising a bloodied hand up to his face, rubbing it up and down his face before flinching when he touched his nose.</p><p>Chat almost laughed. He broke his nose.</p><p>Felix opened his watering eyes from pain, blinking up at the sky for a few moments before finally turning his gaze to the two superheroes that were standing above him, one of them holding his ring.</p><p>Chat stepped next to him, towering over his cousin before lifting up the ring he held in his hand. “We got your miraculous,” he said, just to rub it in his face.</p><p>Felix closed his mouth and said nothing.</p><p>Chat forced his expressionless to be blank as he unzipped his pocket and slipped the ring inside before zipping it up again. “You’ve lost,” he said, staring down at him. “And you’ve lost more than just your miraculous.”</p><p>Felix stared up at him, almost like he had grief in his eyes.</p><p>“We’re family, Felix,” Chat said, gritting his teeth as emotions started to take over. “And I thought, with you and I, it was more than about blood.”</p><p>Felix stared up at the superhero, before averting his gaze away from him, turning his head to look off to the side.</p><p>Chat refused to believe that was shame in his eyes.</p><p>Just as he was about to turn away from him, the hairs on the back of his neck suddenly shot straight up. It was too late when the loud <em>shing </em>cut through the air, and Ladybug suddenly let out a surprised yelp.</p><p>Chat whirled around just as Ladybug crumbled to the ground, cradling her face in her hands as she curled into a fetal position.</p><p>He immediately took a position over her, his feet on either side of her curled up body while he reached for his baton. He felt the adrenaline rush suddenly spark in his veins again and he looked around with red in his vision and a fire of anger burning in his chest.</p><p>His eyes snapped to the being landing in the middle of the courtyard, her dark blue figure elegant and dark all the same. He watched as she approached, her steps determined and pointed towards him as her dark gaze fixed on his still trembling figure. She held three small knives in one hand drifting by her side and the other held her blue feathered fan that looked harmless at first glance.</p><p>“You look weak,” Mayura said, stopping at the top of the steps. “You should give up now.”</p><p>Chat shook his head, “Not while you’re still active,” he sneered at her. “Give me your miraculous.”</p><p>Mayura actually smiled sickly, “You sound just like him.”</p><p>“Stop comparing me to my father!” Chat yelled, stepping in front of Ladybug to block her from the enemy, but also to rise the challenge she was forcing upon him. “I will never be like him! He was a sick man with a sick dream of his that wanted nothing more than to make everything perfect again! He didn’t even know what he was doing! Hurting people and tearing down families, homes and <em>me!” </em></p><p>“He was doing it <em>for you, </em>Adrien,” Mayura urged, stepping down one step. “Give me <em>your </em>miraculous so we can make this right.”</p><p>“Don’t, Chat,” Ladybug said lowly behind him.</p><p>He looked behind him and saw she was sitting up now, holding the side of her face while blood dripped down her cheek.</p><p>“What you want,” Ladybug said breathlessly as she pushed herself to her feet. “Is revenge!” she yelled, grabbing Chat’s arm to steady herself next to him. “You don’t care about anything except to remedy the poisonous relationship that doesn’t exist anymore!”</p><p>“Gabriel Agreste will live!” Mayura shouted, her voice shrill and crazy. “And no one, not even his good for nothing son will stop me!”</p><p>Mayura lunged at him, the three blades in her hand ready to stab his eyes out. She was so angered that Chat and Ladybug easily side stepped her, but that didn’t stop her anger.</p><p>Ladybug was the first to attack, but her weakened body was not able to defend against the vengeful drive Mayura portrayed. Chat couldn’t find an opening as Ladybug and Mayura fought back and forth, dodging and evading each other’s attacks. Finally Chat could step in when Ladybug had to jump back from a close call with one of the blades in Mayura’s hand. He didn’t know where she got the blades, all that he knew was that they were deadly, and they could puncture through his suit.</p><p>Chat deflected a blow from above before rolling to the side to avoid Mayura’s fist, which plowed right through the concrete he was just standing on. He parried with his baton, before jumping back and deflecting another blow from Mayura’s blades.</p><p>Mayura suddenly socked him in the eye, knocking him off balance and making him stumble back, holding his already swelling eye. With this distraction, he didn’t hear Mayura closing in, and he looked up right at the last second, the blades coming down on him right before something blocked the blow from going directly through his eyes.</p><p>Ladybug stood in front of him, her yo-yo string pulled tight between her two hands, shaking as she struggled to hold back the force of Mayura’s intended blow. Both of the supers stood off from each other, their limbs shaking from the strain of pushing against each other’s strength.</p><p>Ladybug suddenly dropped her arms and let Mayura’s arm fall on her shoulder, before she twisted inside her guard, and with a grunt of effort, she used the leverage to bend over with her arm and flip her over her shoulder. Chat jumped back just in time as Mayura made a surprised gasp when she flipped on her back, landing hard on the concrete with a loud puff of air through her lungs.</p><p>Chat went to get on top of her and possibly grab her miraculous, but she was already thinking ahead. She gripped Ladybug’s arm tighter, before outstretching her legs towards Chat, using her ankles to wrap around his neck then suddenly flipped him sideways onto the ground. He didn’t know how that kind of physics worked, but his head hit the pavement and his world suddenly went blurry.</p><p>He heard a struggle and opened his eyes to see the two women fighting again, this time Mayura didn’t hold back.</p><p>Mayura suddenly lashed out and grabbed Ladybug’s arm again, tossing away her yo-yo, so she was defenseless, before latching onto her bicep with both hands. With the brut force more intense than a bull running full speed at a wooden fence, Mayura let out a frustrated shout before throwing Ladybug off her feet in a half circle and letting go at the arc. Ladybug flew through the air, no yo-yo to catch her this time, before she slammed right through the concrete wall and disappeared beyond the dust.</p><p>Chat Noir was suddenly aware of everything as he watched the dust settle, but no Ladybug arose from it.</p><p>“Ladybug!” he yelled, climbing tiredly to his feet. “Ladybug! Get up!”</p><p>There was no answer.</p><p>“She’s not getting up,” Mayura said, making Chat turn back to her. She had a dark, vengeful look in her eyes, “Not when I’m finished with her.” She pointed at him first, “I’m gonna kill you, for betraying your family.” Then she gestured towards the broken wall, “Then I’m gonna kill her… just because.”</p><p>Chat’s eyes darkened and he growled, low, deep, and threatening.</p><p>He lunged forward with the agility of a cheetah, bounding over her head and quickly facing her. His vision went red and he only saw Mayura in that moment, the need to kill overwhelming him to the point where if he didn’t kill her, he might just go insane.</p><p>The revenge burned just as bright, maybe brighter, than the one burning in Mayura’s eyes.</p><p>He clawed and he fought, swinging his deadly claws and bringing his baton down with heavy swings. He fought harder and faster than he’s ever before, desperate to win, desperate to keep Marinette alive. Because if he didn’t kill Mayura, and she lived, then Marinette would be murdered by her.</p><p>And she was the last good thing in his life, the last good thing that hasn’t left him, yet.</p><p>Mayura suddenly kicked him hard in the chest, slamming him so hard into the wall behind him that he felt the solid crack underneath the force. He lost his breath for a moment, and felt his lungs squeeze all the life out of him for a few seconds. But when he finally could regain his breath and steady his red vision again, he looked up as Mayura stood above him, a blade pointed at his face.</p><p>The blade was longer than the ones she was throwing at them, and Chat wondered where the hell she was getting them. But then he finally noticed the out of place bag strapped to her belt, a white pouch no bigger than the palm of his hand hanging from her belt.</p><p>“Cygne Blanc,” she said, shrugging like she was showing off. “One of his many powers is that he can make almost anything turn into blades. His miraculous is one of the many jewels that have several powers; his just so happens to be more powerful than most miraculouses.” She smiled evilly, “He gave me one of his bags full of stones, that when you touch it, all you have to do is think how long, sharp, and deadly you want it to be.” She studied her blade for a long moment, the sun gleaming off it and causing a beam of light to stretch across the shadowed area the sun could not hit. “I only need something simple and easy to kill you; you do not deserve a glamourous death.”</p><p>Chat scowled at her, “You’re as cruel as my father,” he said, raising his chin. “And you deserve a fate just like his… burning in hell.”</p><p>She smiled, “Well,” and she raised her blade. “See you there, <em>traitor.” </em></p><p>Chat slammed his eyes shut, waiting for the flash of the blade and then the instant death before he could wait to walk into the light. The beyond was waiting for him, and hopefully, he would finally find peace there.</p><p>Even though he finally found it with Marinette.</p><p>Suddenly, there was a screech and then a yelp and he opened his eyes to see the most unexpected thing happen.</p><p>Felix had wrapped his arms around Mayura’s waist from behind and was currently lifting her as she squirmed, but he held fast as he used his legs to sweep her feet out from under her, then slammed her into the ground. Mayura, now lying on the ground, was vulnerable as Felix got on top of her, pinning her down before raising his fists, and punching her directly in the face twice. Mayura went limp.</p><p>Chat stared at Felix as he looked down at Mayura, now unconscious underneath him. His knuckles were now bleeding, and he inspected them as he stood from his spot, wiping the blood on his pants.</p><p>Felix finally brought his gaze up to Chat’s, who was staring wide eyed at him with a look of complete and utter shock.</p><p>For a moment, they both shared a silence, staring at one another.</p><p>Felix opened his mouth, about to say something, most likely a sarcastic comment.</p><p>Before the blade was shoved through his chest.</p><p>Chat felt his heart stop then drop into his stomach as Felix coughed, then looked down curiously at the tip of the blade that poked out from the middle of his chest. It stayed there for a minute longer, before the blade was suddenly ripped from his body, him flinching in turn. He made a single hiccup noise and looked up at Chat, holding his chest as it started seeping blood into his shirt from beneath.</p><p>Then he crumpled to the ground, blood choking him and clogging his throat as he tried to breathe. </p><p>“Well,” Mayura said, her voice making Chat snap his gaze back to her. She held a bloody sword up and studied it, before looking at him with an evil look. “When you want something done, you gotta do it yourself.”</p><p>Chat felt something deep and evil swirl in his chest.</p><p>“You’re so dead,” he said lowly, before lunging.</p><p>Mayura was surprised by his sudden attack, and she stumbled back and raised her sword with the intention of shielding herself, but it was no use. Chat grabbed the sword from her hand and ripping it from her grip, also grabbing the bag from her belt and throwing it several yards away. He grabbed Mayura’s shoulders and pushed her as he tangled his legs with hers, making her fall backwards.</p><p>He pinned her there by holding her neck with one hand, anger in his flaming eyes as he raised his claws above him, ready to tear her eyes out.</p><p>But he hesitated as he stared down at her crazy eyes.</p><p>Mayura seemed to get even more angry, “Do it!” she yelled, “Kill me!”</p><p>Chat feels something break in his chest, and he lowered his hand above his head to his side, using it to support himself above her instead.</p><p>He simply says, “No.”</p><p>Her eyes widen in horror, “Why not?!” she screamed in his face, spit flying from her lips but neither of them cared. “The choice is right in front of you! You hated your father enough to kill him and trade his life for Ladybug! He was going to do the exact same thing with Emilie and bring her back <em>for you!” </em>She sneered at him, “You’re exactly like him!”</p><p>For a moment, Chat just stares down at her, watching the sanity slowly fading from her eyes, watching as the light in her soul darkened, and watched as she seemed to die right there, in front of him. But her body was still alive, despite how everything inside her was now dead.</p><p>His anger faded, and turned into a want for justice.</p><p>“My father believed he was God,” Chat said calmly. “He chose who lived and died, and maybe I did play God that day by doing exactly what he was planning to do.” He stared down, feeling the familiar sense of shame drown him in his chest. But a small bit of relief opened the floodgates as he fully realized, that it was okay, because…</p><p>“But it was a mistake,” he said, looking her in the eyes. “And Ladybug has forgiven me for it, why can’t I?” He shook his head, “And I’d rather <em>her </em>be alive than a man with enough pride to think he was the big man upstairs.”</p><p>Mayura sneered up at him, “Then you should kill me too,” she said, her voice like acid. “Because I was going to bring him back, your mother too, and you could have your happiness then.” She lifted her head to glare deeply into his eyes, hatred emanating off her gaze. “I was going to do exactly what you did in the past, and what a hypocrite you are for not allowing this.” She dropped her head back on the ground but continued to glare at him. “So why? What are you trying to stop something that you did in the past?”</p><p>Chat narrowed his eyes, “Because I was doing what my father was going to do… and he was playing God.” He shook his head, “No matter who it is, hypocrite or not, it’s wrong.”</p><p>“Then kill me!” Mayura spat, “Kill me and prove me right about being <em>just like him!” </em></p><p>Chat was still calm, “No.”</p><p>She gritted her teeth, “Why not?!”</p><p>Chat paused, staring down at her. “Because,” he said, leaning closer with a dark threat that was worse than death in his eyes. “Killing you would be playing God,” he said, leaning back. “And I’m no God.”</p><p>He suddenly reeled back fast before punching her so hard in the face her head slammed into the concrete beneath her, cracking it. Her eyes immediately fell closed, and she was out cold.</p><p>Chat stared down at her for a moment, before reaching for the brooch on her chest, and ripping it off. Nathalie lay there, unconscious and clothes tattered on the ground, without her miraculous.</p><p>He didn’t think anything as he stood above her, slipping the peacock miraculous into his pocket.</p><p>There was a spluttering cough and Chat jerked his head to the side, where Felix still lay, coughing in a pool of his own blood. He was on his back, holding his chest and coughing hard, trying to breath, but his lungs were most likely drowning in blood. But he was still alive in that moment, and Chat wasn’t going to sit back and watch him die… despite all he’s done.</p><p>Chat turned and ran to him, seeing the wound up close as he neared him. He saw the extension of it, and he immediately knew the wound was fatal, and he was already past saving.</p><p>Besides, Ladybug had a wound exactly like that just five years ago.</p><p>She didn’t make it out.</p><p>Chat studied Felix’s face, pale and sweaty, blood dripping from the corners of his mouth and nose as he chocked on it. He looked grey and cold, shuddering from the pain no doubt raking through his body. There was blood everywhere, and he could literally see his blank soul fading into merely shadows to pass onto the next life.</p><p>Chat looked at him crouching down, “Felix,” he said softly.</p><p>Felix finally acknowledged him, but surprisingly rolled his eyes at him. “Don’t look so dreadful, Agreste, it’s not like you and I have ever had the same remorse for each other.”</p><p>Chat stared at him, “That didn’t mean I never cared for you, coz,” he said, watching him choke while he continued to feel helpless. He looked down, like he was ashamed. “I never truly tried to have… tried to have a friendship with you, even when you were all I had.”</p><p>Felix coughed and spat up more blood, pushing it out of his lips and letting it drain down the sides of his face. He surprisingly laughed weakly, making Chat look up at him curiously.</p><p>“I didn’t try either,” he said, looking rather thoughtful considering he was bleeding to death in that moment. “In fact, I tried to kill you.” He looked at him, more humor than remorse in his eyes than usual. “So much for all that compassion you’ve got crammed into your little broken heart.”</p><p>Chat scoffed, wondering how it was possible to get someone to laugh in that moment. “It’s been completely shattered Felix,” he said, shaking his head. “There’s nothing in me worth saving. Everyone I’ve ever trusted has either left of betrayed me.” He looked at him, “So, do tell me, what heart are you talking about?”</p><p>There was a crumbling noise that interrupted their talking, and Chat turned his head around to see a figure climbing from the dust.</p><p>Ladybug stumbled from the hole, falling to her knees in front of it, holding the wall for support and clutching her side like she was in a lot of pain. She was injured, her suit was all cut up again and her entire figure just looked exhausted. Despite how much she looked like she wanted to sit in that moment, she caught sight of him, and their eyes snapped together.</p><p>And despite the horrid scene that played all around him, seeing her in the distance, battered up and bruised but <em>alive, </em>was what sparked something. And suddenly, everything made sense, and everything burst with color and light, and the sun shone a spotlight down on her, giving her the recognition, she deserved.</p><p>“That heart,” Felix said, making Chat look back at his dying form. Felix gave him a hard look, one that meant promises. “Don’t lose her, Agreste, you went through an awful lot of hell to get her back.”</p><p>Chat studied his face, already seeing the light fading from his eyes.</p><p>He didn’t want to do this again.</p><p>But alas, he had to.</p><p>No one deserves to die alone.</p><p>“I won’t,” Chat promised, watching him struggling to stay awake. “And… Felix… I forgive you.”</p><p>Felix’s eyes snapped to his, a hesitance planting in his gaze. He opened his mouth, like he was going to say something, before choosing to say something else instead.</p><p>“Thank you,” he said, shifting uncomfortably as he took a shuttered breath. “Will—will you tell my mom—”</p><p>“Yeah,” Chat said immediately, holding back his emotions for his sake. “She’ll be okay, Felix.”</p><p>Felix nodded, before clamping his mouth shut.</p><p>He didn’t say anything else.</p><p>One minute of silence passed between them, and Chat sat there, listening to his spluttered breathing and his shuddering breaths that were getting shallower and thinner. He waited until the breathing finally stilled, and the shuddering finally stopped, before he moved.</p><p>He felt his soul leave, but he sat there another minute until his body completely stilled.</p><p>Chat stood from his spot, staring down at the void gaze staring up at the blue sky.</p><p>“Chat?”</p><p>He tensed, before slowly turning his head from the vacant body to his other side. He watched with hesitance as Ladybug slowly approached him, a look of sorrow in her eyes.</p><p>He stared at her for another moment, his eyes still drier than a desert, before slowly tearing his gaze away from her and looking back down at the dead body on the ground next to him.</p><p>He felt like he was staring down at his father five years ago. However, this time, there was more blood, more forgiveness, and a gentle hand that came to rest on his shoulder.</p><p>They stayed there for several minutes in silence, listening as the sirens in the distance got closer…</p><p>…closer…</p><p>…and closer…</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>And the battle is won, but with a price. Hope you guys... enjoyed?</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0045"><h2>45. Daylight</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The end of the story before the end of the story.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>No warnings :)</p><p>Please read the end notes :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chapter 45: Daylight</p><p> </p><p>There was a cloud above him, slowly dragging its tail behind him as it cut a line across the sky. It left a trail of its remains behind it, like ashes or even blood that smeared dark outlines into the sky. The sun had risen several hours ago, where there used to be a golden, orange aura that casted beams against the awakening city. It was still pretty early when he began hearing the city start to wake up from their restless night, listening to all the lights flick on, the cries of babies, and the blank emptiness that was the morning following a tragedy.</p><p>He didn’t know what exactly he was listening to, only that everything around him was somehow chaotic and calm at the same time. It’s like the city itself had finally let its earthquakes and its own anxieties rest, like the very beginning of a panic attack for it could make a volcano explode.</p><p>He knew that feeling, the moment you realize what exactly was happening to your body; the feeling of everything shrinking inside his chest as the life got sucked out of him. The moment right before you take that first deep, shuddering breath and the release of it out of your lungs somehow makes your anxiety spike. The realization that cuts across any reassurance your mind and soul could give you, that everything happening in that moment, was real, and therefore, was something you had to endure instead of evade.</p><p>Which is something Adrien is so used to doing. He was good at evading; evading akumas when they’re throwing weapons meant for murder through the air at your head. Listening and knowing the exact moment right before you needed to jump, twist and do a double barrel-roll through the air. Especially when you just rescued a pretty girl from an akuma and wanted nothing more than to be “so over the top.”</p><p>But of course, that was all hiding and running, when really the grief would eventually catch up to you. He honestly knew his past would hit him like a semi flying down the highway at seventy-miles-per-hour, but he never honestly thought it would be <em>this </em>bad.</p><p>After watching his entire life fold out in front of him when he was only eighteen, and realize that since the age of fourteen, since the day his mother disappeared—<em>died—</em>everything anyone’s ever told him, was a lie.</p><p>
  <em>She’ll return someday, just have hope. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Everything’s gonna be okay, Adrien, it’s just a phase. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Your father is very busy right now. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He’s the <strong>object </strong>of perfection. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>A demonstration. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Just a toy in another one of his games. </em>
</p><p>Adrien was vaguely aware about how hectic his surroundings have gotten. Like how the sirens had arrived finally, and some unknown force had to pull him behind the building and around the corner, all while he followed willingly.</p><p>He could tell something was broken; he just didn’t know what it was. He couldn’t tell if it was his hand, or his jaw. His ankle or his shoulder. Or how his eye swelled up unevenly from all the hits he’s taken, and how everything in his body ached and creaked inside him. How his blood seemed to boil in his veins and burn his insides until he felt like he swallowed hot wax and let it into his lungs.</p><p>But something inside him was rooted deeper, buried deeper and with more precision. He couldn’t tell what it was, or why it was there, or if he should do something about it.</p><p>All that he knew was that he was <em>tired, </em>and he wanted to go home.</p><p>Adrien didn’t even realize he was staring into space until the officer standing before him said his name for the third or fourth time.</p><p>“Adrien,” he said, his voice cold and unfeeling. “Are you still with me?”</p><p>Adrien took a moment before slowly lifting his gaze to the older man. The badge on his chest gleamed and the grey hairs on the side of his head shone with a sharpness to his jaw. His personality and gaze were cold, and his entire demeanor made him want to crawl into a hole, adding onto the heavy feeling continually growing heavier.</p><p>Adrien shifted his weight, “Y-Yeah, sorry,” he mumbled, running a hand through his hair.</p><p>The police officer thinned his lips before continuing. “It’s fine. Could you tell me what happened?”</p><p>He stared up at him for a moment before dropping his gaze, feeling like a thousand eyes were on him despite how there was only one officer waiting impatiently for his answer.</p><p>It was slowly coming back now. He remembered being Chat Noir staring down at the body below him, the sirens getting very close till they were around the corner. Ladybug began pulling on his arm, urging him and saying something about “going” somewhere. He followed her, just because it was instinct to do just that, and they ran for maybe a couple of minutes before they safely stopped inside an alleyway. Then, they had detransformed and, to Adrien’s insistence, walked back as civilians as the kwamis rested in their shirts. Now Adrien was sitting in the back of an ambulance, a blanket around his shoulders and several different open cuts all over his body.</p><p>“I-I don’t know,” he answered, looking down because he didn’t trust his lying abilities. “I just… I was walking and I saw…” He bit his lip, refusing to talk further.</p><p>“The victim?” The officer pushed.</p><p>Adrien only nodded.</p><p>“Did you know the victim?” he asked again, writing something in his journal.</p><p>He nodded again, “Felix Graham de Vanily,” he said, the name burning his tongue like acid. “My cousin.”</p><p>“And the woman?”</p><p>Adrien took a moment before he looked up finally, instead looking past the officer and towards one of the cop cars, where Nathalie was getting handcuffed against the police cruiser. She looked just as distraught as he felt. Despite how clouded and winded his mind felt in that moment, he recognized the dazed look in her eyes, and was reminded of all those years ago, the same night he lost his father.</p><p>“She’s…” Adrien snapped his eyes away from her, looking at the officer’s shoes instead. “She’s Mayura, she was… um, my father’s work assistant for a few years when I was younger.” He paused as he tried to push back on all the good and bad memories. “She… she was Hawkmoth’s partner, I guess,” he swallowed thickly, rubbing the back of his neck. “And I guess she wanted to carry on my father’s plan.”</p><p>The officer continued to write things down for only a minute, before looking back up at him. “And because your father had such close relationship with this woman… and since you all lived under the same roof…” He looked up at Adrien with an expected gaze, like he was already looking for the answer he wanted. “Did you have any idea this was going on inside your house?”</p><p>Adrien furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, “No, I—” his voice cracked, and he panicked, thinking he almost lost it, but he continued. “No… If I did, I would’ve told someone.” He stared at the officer for a moment, his chest growing heavier as he realized what the officer could be implying. “Why?” he asked slowly.</p><p>The officer pressed his lips together before looking down and starting to write in his notebook for another minute. Adrien watched him, and despite all that he’s explained, and that it was the truth <em>and </em>how very reasonable of an explanation it was, he didn’t look convinced.</p><p>Adrien felt a small pressure of annoyance spark in his veins, a toxic acid running through his blood that made him think that he doesn’t believe him at all. Then, as his mind begins to start working again, he realized that this might be how all of Paris reacts, and that no one will believe him. Despite how much he’s already been through, and how much he’s already lost, he didn’t know how he would deal with watching everyone in his life right now begin to untrust him.</p><p>It was so much like what happened all those years ago it gave him vertigo.</p><p>He looked past the officer and towards the other ambulance several yards away from him, where the blue-eyed angel sat with a blanket around her shoulders and an EMT by her side. They were talking, both of them friendly but he could tell her heart wasn’t in talking at all. Her eyes had that clouded look in them whenever she would find something unpleasant or uncomfortable, and she would sit in it until her arms felt weak and her heart pounded in her chest.</p><p>And it hurt looking at her.</p><p>Because despite all the darkness shrouding him and dissipating the light that was entirely broken inside him, seeing the horrible things that she has gone through as well, and finally remembering the past few days with her, being by her side as she struggled.</p><p>He has heard that grief and pain, and sometimes even complete agony could bring two people closer together.</p><p>But looking at her, watching her let herself be taken care of by the EMT, and watching her eyes sometimes glance his way but never completely meet his eyes…</p><p>It hurt.</p><p>It hurt looking at her.</p><p>“Hey there,” said a female EMT, smiling as she walked up to him. “Your friend told me you’ve got a stab wound in your side; can I fix it up for you?”</p><p>Adrien briefly looked to where the officer was standing as realized he had left. Probably got what he needed and noticed Adrien was no longer functioning properly with his distraught mind.</p><p>The EMT required him to remove his shirt, and so he did, but not without pulling a muscle or something in his side since he felt so tight and sore.</p><p>He leaned his arm against the door as the EMT prepared the stitches he had to get because the wound was deep enough to require them. He waited and didn’t say anything, even as she tried to strike some kind of coherent conversation with him that ended up being pointless anyway. He searched the area he was on, the street right next to the Trocadero where the fight had taken place. The sirens had faded, thank God, but the flashing lights on top the police cruisers and the ambulances were still going nuts and attracting bystanders.</p><p>He sighed and closed his eyes as the EMT cleaned and prepared his wound to get stitched up, feeling the sting of the cleaning alcohol, but not caring about the pain. Of course, it was uncomfortable, but in that moment, the pain was almost comforting to have, because it reminded him that he was real.</p><p>And that thought was dangerous.</p><p>He’s seen proof of that.</p><p>His eyes instinctively opened and looked across the way towards Marinette, who still sat perched in the doors of the ambulance. She seemed to know he was looking at her because her eyes soon snapped to his, and made him both want to stand still in that moment, or just be held.</p><p>But wait, there was that untrusting part of him.</p><p>He guessed it’s always been a part of him. Now it’s just forcing its way into his life, and disrupting his void mind, which was still in shock, and forcing the peaceful disconsolate out of him.</p><p>Adrien averted his gaze from her and instead buried his face in the crook of his elbow, finding solace only for the reasons of hiding himself. He was keeping all his secrets inside his chest and inside his mind, which were overloading with the melancholy depression festering and growing inside him. Like an ugly, toxic fungus, his anxiety and the bitter taste of his echoless mind forcing him to look in the mirror and realize the monster he was now, and the worse creature—an inhumane being he would be in the future.</p><p>He breathed through the stitches, the painful experience only taking a few minutes since it wasn’t something he had to be taken to the hospital for. The needle and thread were making the heartbeat pounding in his wound worse, and he felt like he had already lost a gallon of blood even when the EMT reassured him he wasn’t bleeding as much as he thought.</p><p>He almost didn’t notice when she was finished, or when the steady hand landed on his knee and rubbed his kneecap gently.</p><p>He looked up, and found the blue-eyed angel crouching there and staring up at him, a concerned look in her eyes.</p><p>“Hey,” Marinette said softly. “You okay?”</p><p>Adrien didn’t know how to respond, so he just stared at her for a long time, debating on whether his voice still worked from the soul crushing pit in his chest that somehow stifled his voice.</p><p>He honestly just felt so tired and heavy; all he wanted to do was go home and sleep.</p><p>Marinette seemed to see the look in his eyes, and after a long moment of just staring, sharing an intimate moment of just being silent together, she finally gently interlaced her fingers with him.</p><p>Adrien felt a small warmth break through the ice in his chest.</p><p>“C’mon,” Marinette said, standing and gently tugging on his hand. “Let’s go home.”</p><p>.               .               .</p><p>When they reached the building, deciding to give the kwami’s a break and take a walk all the way back to his apartment, he soon realized he didn’t have a key.</p><p>Adrien and Marinette were still in their sleepwear, considering the last thing they thought they were going to be doing was going over the side of a building. Adrien had intended to buy a sweater for Marinette in one of the shops along the way, since she was more revealed than he was with her short pajamas and thin T-shirt. But the owner was too distraught and in shock to even charge them and ended up mumbling something about “taking whatever you want.”</p><p>So, standing outside the door of the apartment building with no key and no sense of heart, Adrien felt void of mind.</p><p>He felt a tug on his arm and looked to the side.</p><p>“This way,” Marinette said, looking small in the oversized sweatpants and zip up red sweater.</p><p>He followed her with a numb mind, his body just the same since it tingled all over with grief and such a heavy weight in his chest.</p><p>The only thing keeping him in that moment, grounded, was the firm hand holding his.</p><p>She led him into an alleyway, the shaded area sending a shiver down his spine from the chills the shade gave. The alley was filled with dumpsters and garbage, and the frequent squeaks the rats made upon human arrival. Not to mention the smell that made Adrien wrinkle his nose in disgust when the toxic stench entered his nostrils. It reminded him of an odd memory when Plagg hid his cheese and then forgot about it for about a month. When Adrien finally found it, it was stuffed inside one of his socks and then tucked between his cabinets and the wall in the bathroom.</p><p>And Adrien thought it was the crab his father was making him eat at the time.</p><p>Marinette faced him before opening her sweater and letting Tikki fly from her hiding spot and land tiredly on her ready palm.</p><p>“Tikki, how are you?” Marinette asked, looking at her kwami in concern.</p><p>“I can’t transform you, Marinette,” Tikki said dejectedly, like she felt really bad about it. “I’m too tired to do any transforming today.”</p><p>Marinette bit her lip and thought for a moment, before up from under her eyelashes at him.</p><p>Adrien stared at her for a moment before reached for the pocket in his pajama pants and gently shaking it. There was a loud whiny complain from it before Plagg himself flew from the fabric, looking annoyed like he hasn’t had cheese for days while being sleep deprived.</p><p>“Whaaatt…?” Plagg bemoaned, rubbing his eyes with his small paws. “I was sleepiiinnnng”</p><p>“Can I transform?” Adrien asked hoarsely, his voice sounding like a broken TV.</p><p>Plagg scoffed, “Sure, if you want to kill me.”</p><p>Adrien looked up at Marinette and shook his head slightly.</p><p>“I can just fly up there and get the key,” Tikki offered, pushing herself from Marinette’s palm with a small noise of effort. She turned to Adrien, “Where’s the key?”</p><p>Adrien swallowed to try and soothe his bleeding throat. “By the front door, on the table next to it.”</p><p>Tikki nodded once before flying upwards, going slower than normal, but they lost sight of her pretty quickly and just assumed she made it in.</p><p>There was another tug on his arm and looked back down at the girl next to him, who still hasn’t let go of his hand.</p><p>“You okay?” she asked shyly, obviously knowing the question was bogus.</p><p>And she was right.</p><p>Tikki came back a moment later, holding a keycard that would get them first inside the building, then eventually back inside their little sanctuary.</p><p>The door to the apartment swung open slowly, entering into the quiet echoey room while the sun beyond the windows lining the wall glistened. The sunlight reflected off the dark wooden boards along the floor, and the golden beams that came with the steady sunrise grew brighter and brighter. The beauty of it all mocked the darkness seeping beneath his bones and shrouding his very soul, the dark cloak that covered him a desperate drop of water, looking for sunlight to catch.</p><p>He felt like a dreamcatcher, like all the bad dreams and the sleep anxieties, and not to mention the terrible fears that broke his soul and others, was bestowed upon him. Like a kingdom he never wanted, like disgusting kingdom filled with only ghouls and monsters to lead that never wanted to be lead. He just felt like the sword he was given, was just something of a valuable relic, but the relic never made him valuable.</p><p>Once inside, he pushed the door closed and locked it, before crossing the room and closing and locking the balcony door, since it was left open from earlier. Because of that, the apartment felt cold, physically cold, but that didn’t exclude the chill in his bones as he looked to his bed and remembered only hours before he was sleeping peacefully there.</p><p>Once he felt safe, and that everything around him was locked and reassured nothing could get in, he finally let his shoulders slump down. He rested the burden on his back, letting the thing he was holding above his heart this entire time just fall down upon him, despite how much it hurt. But honestly, it hurt more to keep it up than to just let it fall.</p><p>But with the relieving of his burden, also came the floodgates that threatened to overflow his eyes.</p><p>He looked up, and noticed Marinette watching him with interest across the room, her eyes filled with concern.</p><p>He pushed it down. <em>Hard. </em></p><p>“Adrien?” she called quietly, and just the sound of her voice was making his throat tight. “You okay?”</p><p>He stared at her for a long time, debating if it was even worth it to answer.</p><p>They both got their answers when Adrien cleared his throat and stepped to the side, heading for the door that led to the bathroom.</p><p>“What’re you doing?” She asked, stepping after him.</p><p>Adrien just caught the doorknob when she spoke, but he paused to speak, but he didn’t dare look at her for fear of breaking down completely.</p><p>“I think…” he trailed off, running a hand through his hair. “I think I’m gonna take a shower. I feel…” He gestured at his chest with a shake of his hands. “Dirty.”</p><p>Although he couldn’t see her, he could feel her eyes studying him silently. He knew she was just trying to help, but he honestly just wanted some space to speak, and some space to breathe. He felt like he just needed to find a breathing mask and suck the air into his lungs. His chest was tight, and so it made breathing normally nearly impossible. He just needed to breathe, because he felt like he just… wasn’t alive.</p><p>But the back of his mind told him that just her touch, just feeling her breathe against him, was what could finally let him breathe.</p><p>“Okay,” she said, shifting awkwardly behind him. “You want company?”</p><p>This made Adrien look up and slowly turn back to her, meeting her vibrant blue eyes. The deep blue gave him life despite how decrepit she looked herself, and despite how much he hated the idea of ruining that beauty. She was literally a sunbeam in the darkest of night and the first waking of dawn of the morning, and her very stare could move mountains. Her breath could breathe life into his chest once again and burn any of the darkness that threatened to cripple his being.</p><p> But, despite how much he wanted it, he slowly shook his head.</p><p>“No, it’s okay,” he said, his voice tight as he tried to keep himself together just a little bit longer. “Uh, I want some privacy right now, if that’s okay?”</p><p>She was obviously surprised by his rejection, but she didn’t protest.</p><p>He tried to tell her how much he needed her close in that moment, but his tongue wouldn’t work.</p><p><em>Please see me, </em>he begged silently instead.</p><p>She pressed her lips together and slowly nodded, “Okay,” she said softly, again shifting on her feet. “Just… call me if you need me.”</p><p>Adrien tried not to let the crippling depression that made his knees almost drop to the ground show as he mumbled something to her before gripping the doorknob and entering the bathroom. He shut the door before he did anything else, plunging himself into total darkness inside the enclosed, echoey room.</p><p>Adrien pressed his lips together, forcing the sob rising in his chest down as far as he could.</p><p>He didn’t know how he did it, but he somehow forced his trembling body off the door and towards the light switch and turned the blinding thing on. He waited for his eyes to adjust before he stumbled towards the shower, feeling his stomach already making the familiar spasms that meant he was going to cry any second. He could feel the anxiety and depression calling as he turned the water on, letting it heat up as he undressed and tossed all his clothes to the floor.</p><p>Adrien didn’t even want to look in the mirror, he didn’t want to see how physically horrible he looked, nor the beast he knew that everyone else called a hero.</p><p>He was a mockery of a hero, and one that couldn’t even save one lift today. Instead he watched it happen right in front of him, and let his family die without even having a good relationship with him.</p><p>He hated Felix, but now he loved him. And now, he hated himself more than he’s ever hated any of his enemies.</p><p>Adrien let his first sob break the silence besides the shower as he opened the glass door of the stall, the steam making his voice foggy and slightly muffled. The heat of the water immediately hit his stomach and arms first, and the physical pain eased only a little bit. But the weight inside his chest continued to fester and grow like a toxic disease spreading through his veins and into his organs, killing him cell by cell until he was dead.</p><p>He didn’t know pain like this existed. When his father died, he felt grieved, betrayed, sad even, but he was angry. He was so angry he was able to focus on that for maybe two years of his life and shove the rest of the grief down. But someone had finally broken through him, a girl he didn’t even believe he deserved or trusted. She was the one that broke up with him, not because he was too angry or sad all the time, but because he never let himself be sad.</p><p>What a time that had been. He didn’t even remember her name.</p><p>He didn’t even know why he was even thinking about it.</p><p>But maybe it’s because Adrien, never once in his life, believed he deserved or could ever hold something beautiful. Everything he’s ever owned was manufactured to look that way and present itself as beautiful. Hell, even <em>he </em>was bred just for that purpose, at least in his father’s eyes. He wasn’t meant to be happy, he was meant to be alone like his father and run a business with a brand name that ultimately means nothing in the end. Especially since everyone hates his name in the first place.</p><p>He’s meant to be alone. He could not hold anything beautiful in the palm of his hand. He couldn’t even look at a girl, grab her hand, and call her “mine.”</p><p>And it’s that thought that made Adrien completely die inside, right there.</p><p>There was a soft click from across the room and he looked up from the corner he was staring at for who knew how long.</p><p>Through the foggy glass of the shower stall, he could see the silhouette of a figure standing there, them moving to close the door behind them and face the shower.</p><p>He reached out to the glass and rubbed the spot where the figure stood, and was surprised when he pulled back that the figure wasn’t an illusion.</p><p>Marinette stood there, her outline staring back at him with deep concern in her blue-bell eyes as she slowly pulled her hand away from the doorknob.</p><p>They shared a long moment of silence except for the water pouring down his skin, and the loud white noise that the void in his mind filled with only grief screamed in his ears.</p><p>Marinette stood there a moment longer, before pressing her lips together and dropping her hands in front of her. Her fingers grazed the bottom of her thin T-shirt for a moment, before she hesitated one more time and then slowly guided the shirt up her body. She pulled it over her head and dropped it to the floor, before moving her hands to her pants.</p><p>Adrien watched her for a moment, no sense in his mind to register what she was entirely doing. He eventually found his senses, but he didn’t act on them, instead he pushed them aside and averted his gaze as she continued to undress just out of reach from him.</p><p>He wrapped his arms around himself as he felt the familiar chill of the glass door to the shower stall opening, then the warmth returned when it closed. He heard the familiar sound of footsteps splashing in the water, then the wet splattered of her nearing him that bounced off the tiles on the floor.</p><p>Then, came the gentle touch of fingertips grazing the bottom of his spine, the careful caressing of her nails gently scratching up his skin. Her palm found his skin, and the intimate touch was pushed up his back until it landed between his shoulder blades, and she gently scratched there soothingly.</p><p>“You know,” her voice was echoey around the room. “From all that you’ve taught me,” and there was a pause, “It’s okay to cry.”</p><p>Adrien lulled his head back and closed his eyes, “And sometimes it’s not.”</p><p>Marinette was quiet a moment before responding. “They were your family, Adrien.”</p><p>“So was my father,” he said, his voice tightening again. “I don’t know if I should even call them—” he stopped, his voice failing him by cutting out and breaking. He looked down and took a deep, shaky breath, despite how his insides seemed to refuse to hold the air. He licked his lips before continuing, “I don’t want to think about that right now.”</p><p>Despite how much he thought he didn’t deserve it, her gentle scratch felt so good. Her nails and general touch were pushing ease into his muscles, relaxing the tense flexing he didn’t know he was putting in his shoulders. His back was slowly coming uncoiled and undone just from her touch. He didn’t know how that worked, but he wasn’t complaining, no matter how much his brain was telling him how ugly it made him.</p><p>He just… didn’t want her to stop.</p><p>“Okay,” was her response. “We don’t have to talk,” she said gently, her fingertips and nails gently grazing over his soft skin and lowering to the small of his back. “We can just stay here for now, alright?”</p><p>Adrien barely was able to nod as he scrunched up his face to hold back the emotions rapidly building up inside him, the initial shock from the events finally fading and leaving him with this pit. He could feel it building, and he desperately didn’t want her to see that part of him, no matter how much he’s seen of her.</p><p>But Marinette stayed with him, continuing with her gentle touch and not even asking to see his eyes.</p><p>And he was thankful for that, because he was not ready for her to see the tears silently running down his face.</p><p>.               .               .</p><p>He slept all day. He fell asleep right after they had gotten out of the long shower they shared. He was barely mobile enough to get new clean pajama bottoms on, only leaving himself shirtless because he insisted that Marinette continue with her back scratches.</p><p>Marinette knew how he felt as he shyly asked for them as he struggled to completely fall asleep. Her mother used to give her some through her shirt whenever she was sick, so she’d fall asleep in her fever hazes. She could tell his mind wasn’t going to stop pestering him with an evil intent to keep him awake all night and haunt his day by forcing him to live through every event gone wrong in his life. She knew how that went, sleep was either an escape from the real world and what it planned to do to you in the morning, or a nightmare living inside her head forever.</p><p>It wasn’t like she didn’t sleep. In fact, only an hour later passed after he fell asleep was she unable to continue with the back scratching and she completely passed out next to him. She had a dreamless sleep before waking up with a start several hours later, thinking what happened only hours ago was only a dream.</p><p>But no, it was real. She had the battle scars to prove that.</p><p>The sun was rising when she had fallen asleep, but as she threw herself up from the mattress in a cold sweat, her heart pounding in her chest painfully, the sun was already going down. She sat there a minute, measuring her breaths as best she could with the panic crawling through her veins and festering there.</p><p>The golden and orange glow of the sunset casted over her figure and blew shadows across the room, making it look almost darker with the harsh, beautiful sunbeams. The windows were open and unshaded from privacy, so she was able to look from the bed and out above the city, which looked beautiful from a distance.</p><p>But as she continued to stare and the hole inside her chest continued to grow deeper, she could see the details of it all. The smoke billowing up in the sky and the crumbling buildings in the distance. Yes, the city had finally ceased in its panic, especially since the threat causing the panic was now… well, mostly dead or locked up. But the city was still crumbling beneath her feet, and she wished she could do something about it, she really did… but she also knew her limits.</p><p>She turned her gaze from the golden city filled with flames rather than sunlight and down at the living, breathing being next to her, still sleeping soundly despite all the trauma and chaos.</p><p>She was limited right now, for more reasons than one.</p><p>Marinette gently pushed herself from the bed and padded quietly across the room, using the fading sunlight as her guide to make her way to the kitchen. She brought out a glass from the cupboard and filled it up with some water, since her throat felt like it was being ripped over by a rabid animal.</p><p>She leaned against the counter, sipping her water slowly and watching Adrien sleep across the room, his golden locks glinting in the sunlight that casted over his form. He looked so angelic while he slept, and he somehow could present his gentleness and his kindness through his sleep. He liked holding her, to the point where he had to be holding her close or if he couldn’t he needed to hold her hand. It’s almost as if he was afraid of her leaving again or disappearing… or getting kidnapped.</p><p>Marinette spotted the two kwamis sitting on the island across from her, where they continued to bury their hands into the various sweets and cheeses.</p><p>She pushed herself off the counter and walked two steps towards them and set her glass down.</p><p>“Hey,” she said quietly, keeping the sleeping Adrien in mind.</p><p>“Hi, Marinette,” Tikki said, matching her soft tone. “How are you?”</p><p>Marinette took a deep breath in and looked down at her arms, which were folded on top of the counter while she leaned against them.</p><p>“I’m okay,” she decided, looking back at the two kwamis. “How are you guys?”</p><p>“Never better,” Plagg said, a hint of sarcasm in his voice as he continued to gorge himself with the cheeses.</p><p>Marinette stared at the black cat for a minute, “So, you’re worried about him too?”</p><p>Plagg immediately stopped eating and got a stunned look in his eyes. For a moment, the poor kitten stared straight ahead, like he was thinking deeply and trying to come up with an answer. Finally, after a pause that would’ve implied he wouldn’t answer, he set his cheese down and suddenly didn’t look hungry anymore.</p><p>“I’m worried,” Plagg admitted, his tone softer than before. “The kid has already lost and been through so much… I didn’t even know…” he shook his small head and looked down at his paws. “You’ve both had your fair share of trauma and I’m…” Plagg trailed off as he looked back up at Marinette. “I’m sorry… you guys deserve better.”</p><p>Marinette felt a small ball of affection for the two kwamis, who have been through everything with their holders in the long run. Taking from Tikki’s side, her little friend has literally seen everything from best to worst on her, from her insane crush on Adrien in high school to the ultimate decision she made not a week ago. Plagg has seen the deepest parts of Adrien’s grief, he’s watched him cry, she’s sure of it. Plagg has also seen the reactions of Ladybug’s rejection to Chat Noir… and she could only imagine what happened when he lost his father and his mother on the same day.</p><p>The kwamis may have seen their holder’s go through shit, but the kwamis also had to watch someone they loved and cared about go through that shit. And, speaking from experience, it is the most painful kind of emotion, because you feel helpless while also understanding that the other person is in pain.</p><p>And, sometimes, you can do nothing but sit there, watch, and not leave them alone.</p><p>“It’s okay, Plagg,” Marinette said, gently taking Plagg’s little paw. “It’s not your fault. I’m sure Adrien was grateful to have you there when he needed someone to listen.”</p><p>The little kitten looked up at her with sad eyes, “Please don’t ever leave him again,” he said, trying his best to hold his voice steady. “I don’t know what will happen if someone else leaves him, but I know for a fact that he <em>cannot </em>lose you.” He shook his head almost violently, “Not again.”</p><p>Marinette felt an ugly scar form inside her chest, one that marked a promise that was going to hard, painful and agonizing to keep. Because she knew what her soul wanted, she could literally feel in her bones that her soul does not belong in this world. She was <em>supposed </em>to die that day all those years ago. It was only because of Chat Noir that she came back, that she supernaturally broke the natural order, and yes, it had come back to bite them in the ass.</p><p>But she also knew what her soul also wanted, and that was to be near Adrien, and she couldn’t do that if she was dead, now could she.</p><p>This time, she wasn’t going to try it the way she was trying it. She was going to live for herself, and yes, that was enough for right now. And Adrien… he was more than just a reason for her being alive.</p><p>He was apart of her.</p><p>“Okay,” Marinette said, nodding back at Plagg. “I promise.”</p><p>Before Plagg could respond there was a loud whine that sounded from across the room.</p><p>Marinette looked up from the kwamis and across the room, seeing Adrien shift uncomfortably under the covers. He was making loud whines and cries, like something was trying to rake its claws down his skin and tear him open.</p><p>She ran to him, not caring about the noise as she made her way across the room. She reached the bed and quickly jumped up on it, getting on all fours and crawling more slowly towards Adrien, who was now shuddering and whimpering in fear.</p><p>She reached out to him and took his shoulder, before gently shaking him.</p><p>He woke with a start and a startled gasp that escaped his lips like a strangled cry. His eyes were wild as they flew open, and his shuddering stopped, but only to be replaced with a corrupt trembling.</p><p>“Hey,” she soothed, rubbing her hand up and down his arm. “What happened?”</p><p>Adrien’s eyes met hers, studying her intently and almost looking like he wasn’t breathing. He had curled into a ball under the covers and his back barely rose from his subtle breathing. He stared at her for a long time, as if making sure she wasn’t fake before shutting his eyes and finally taking a deep breath in, his breath shuddering slightly. But then she moved her hands to his back and gently began scratching him between his shoulder blades, and he slowly released his tense muscles and relaxed under her touch.</p><p>“Bad dream,” he said simply, before he turned his face more into the pillow he was clutching.</p><p>She remained quiet and continued with her gentle scratching and soothing him with her touch. She shifted her ministrations to the base of his neck and gently rubbed the tense muscles there.</p><p>“Sorry,” Adrien mumbled quietly, his features golden in the sunlight streaming down on his face.</p><p>She shook her head, “You’re okay,” and she moved her hand back down to his shoulder blades and ran her touch along his spin, feeling the warmth and life vibrating from his skin. “Anything I can do?”</p><p>He opened his eyes then and looked up at her, his eyes glassy from unshed emotions.</p><p>“Can I hold you?” he asked, his voice cracked. “I just… I need to know you’re here.”</p><p>She nodded, and scooted closer, “I’m here,” she said, smiling at him gently. “But yes, you can.”</p><p>Adrien reached out to her and she let him pull her down to him, tucking her arms between them and letting herself feel the familiar safety that his arms allowed her. She felt her fingers naturally twirling along his skin, most likely looking for a shirt to cling to, but since he wasn’t wearing one, she had to just make do.</p><p>She tangled her legs with his and tucked her face into his neck, letting his steady breathing and strong heartbeat calm her anxieties and fears. She could tell he was doing the same thing by having her so close, pressing her chest to his so that he could feel her heartbeat.</p><p>After a minute, Marinette finally spoke. “What was your dream about?”</p><p>Adrien hesitated above her, but she patiently waited for him to figure out his answer.</p><p>“It… It was a repeat of five years ago,” he confessed, his nose burying into her hair before he inhaled her scent. “I get them a lot; I’m okay.”</p><p>Marinette didn’t know what it was like watching someone she loved die, much less experiencing the event several times a week. She knew the fear of losing someone close to her, but she didn’t know the frustration, the anger or even the grief that would come with losing someone she felt like she needed.</p><p>She looked down at his collarbone and traced it with her finger, feeling an uncomfortable bubble of guilt form in her chest.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” she mumbled quietly.</p><p>Adrien didn’t respond with words, rather he encircled her closer and pulled her so close to his chest that she had to move her arms and hug his neck as he buried his face into her neck. He was close, and she could feel the fear and the anxiety coming off him like a rippling wave. She felt it because she knew how it felt, for she felt the same for him.</p><p>“Everyone keeps leaving me,” he whispered to her, holding her close. “My mom, my… my dad, my… my entire family is just <em>gone</em>, Mari, and I’m just—” He stopped as his voice failed, hiccupping loudly as he tried to cover up his sob with clearing his throat. “I’m so tired of losing people.”</p><p>She touched his chest, “I know,” she said softly, understanding his pain. “I know, but you didn’t lose everything, Adrien.”</p><p>She could feel his curiosity from his pause, and he gently pulled himself from her so he could look down into her deep, vibrant and wet blue-bell eyes, which shone with emotion.</p><p>“You still have me, Kitty,” she said, reaching up and touching his cheek. “And I’m not going anywhere.”</p><p>He stared down at her as well, his own unshed tears forming in his eyes.</p><p>“Please…” he said, his face contorting. “Please, stay with me.”</p><p>She nodded and pulled him back into their embrace. “I will, don’t worry, Kitty.”</p><p>They lay there for hours after that, way past when the sun finally retired behind the horizon.</p><p>.               .               .</p><p>Marinette grabbed the two mugs of tea she had prepared at the kitchen before walking towards the balcony door. The hot water burned through the cup and warmed her hand to the point where she was hissing and then finally, was able to set it down next to Adrien.</p><p>“You okay?” he asked, sitting up as she closed the door after setting his mug down.</p><p>“Yeah, fine,” she said, closing the sliding door and standing in the moonlight for a moment. “The tea is hot, so be careful.”</p><p>He snorted, “Don’t worry, I got that from the unplanned tea management you did back there.”</p><p>She glared at him before sitting in the lawn chair across from him, pulling her feet up and tucking her legs close to her chest. “You’re the one that put me on ‘calming tea duty.’”</p><p>He smiled as he reached for his mug, “That’s because I trust you enough in my kitchen.”</p><p>“Wrong choice.”</p><p>It was in that moment Adrien laughed, not a shoulder shaking belly laugh, but a loud snort and an obvious playful laugh, nonetheless.</p><p>Marinette smiled. It was a good look on him.</p><p>“So, what are we doing?” he asked, looking up at her after taking a small, hot sip from his tea. “Are we… watching the city or stalking people in the building across—”</p><p>“Star gazing!” she said excitedly, sitting up and also setting her mug down. “I used to do it all the time from my balcony back at the bakery. Remember?”</p><p>He nodded, “How could I ever forget talking to a pretty girl surrounded by fairy lights?”</p><p>She scrunched up her face at him, “Careful, you were in love with Ladybug during that time.”</p><p>He grinned, “You forget, Ladybug and you are the same person,” he said, taking another sip from his tea. “And not to mention that was a night worth remembering. Despite the fact that we were dodging each other both during patrols and during school.”</p><p>“Don’t forget the akuma attacks,” she said, smiling at him.</p><p>He shook his head, “Trust me, I remember.”</p><p>They shared a moment of comfortable silence together, and Marinette took that moment to look up above her and look at the glittering things in the sky. It was very dark, and with very little light pollution from how high they were up, she could easily point out several stars.</p><p>They glistened and glittered like sparkles in the sky, diamonds that were out of her reach and priceless beyond the known universe. Despite how beautiful and attractive they were from a million miles away, they were just giant balls of gas that shone with fire. But even with the destructive power they held, they still managed to be beautiful, and Marinette couldn’t help but feel like a star sometimes.</p><p>Not in the sense where she is egotistical about it and claims that she is better than everyone else because she’s a star. But because, from a far, she might seem like she has it all together, that she’s good and that everything in her life was easy. That’s only first glance, and then you realize that just touching her, like touching a star could scorch you and hurt you. And if you get too close to one, it could burn you alive and then you wouldn’t want to be anywhere near it anymore.</p><p>But Adrien, despite how much he’s seen and how much destruction she can cause, he still neared her, touched her flaming surface and somehow cooled it down. Somehow, he got close to her without getting too horribly scorched, and somehow… they were still alive after suffering through so much together.</p><p>Adrien has his parts of him that are like a star… but to Marinette, he’s the sun.</p><p>“Marinette.”</p><p>She looked down from the attractive sky and looked across at Adrien, who was looking off to the side and down at the floor.</p><p>Marinette sat forward and set her tea down, “Adrien?”</p><p>He didn’t respond at first, but he slowly turned his head towards her, his eyes slowly making their way towards her. When she finally did see his eyes, they were like oceans of green that were drowning inside a giant pit, a whirlpool that was pulling him under with the rest of the agony, when he didn’t want to go.</p><p>“We’re in some deep shit,” he said lowly, keeping his eyes locked hers.</p><p>She stared at him for a long time, his lips parted until she closed them.</p><p>“I know,” she said softly, staring back at him.</p><p>“Then how are we gonna get outta this?” he asked ghastly, his eyes filled with confusion, hurt, and most of all, mistrust. “How are we ever supposed to bounce back from this? I can’t—” His voice broke, but somehow pushed himself to continue. “I can’t go through more grief again.”</p><p>She nodded, “I know.” And then she was moving, pushing herself from the lawn chair and making her way towards him in a few short steps. She sat in front of him and looked him in the eyes, “I know, but you were alone last time,” she said, touching his chest. “Now you have me.”</p><p>“But you—” he shook his head, tears brimming in his eyes. “But you… you can’t handle me right now. I’m a freaking mess and you’re a freaking mess and I—”</p><p>“Hey, stop,” she said, taking his hands to calm him. She met his eyes, “We’re partners, and most importantly, we love and care about each other. We’re not just going to leave each other to deal with this on our owns. We both know how badly it ended for both of us.” She watched as the information sunk into his bones before continuing. “It doesn’t matter how broken we may be, it doesn’t matter how bad it will get. What’s important is that we have someone there, and someone there to hold us when we have nightmares and someone to talk us down from panic attacks.” She tightened her grip on his hands and scooted closer to him, “When you love someone, you don’t leave them when they’re hurting like this.”</p><p>He stared at her for a long time, taking a moment before finally returning his grip on her and holding her hands closer to his chest.</p><p>“What happens if I get to be too much?” he asked, fear in his tone.</p><p>She shook her head, “You didn’t leave me, I’m not leaving you.” She shook his hands to show him she wasn’t letting go of him, “We’re gonna fight, Adrien, and it’s going to be hard. But this time, we aren’t going to do it alone.” She studied his eyes, “Got it?”</p><p>He stared back at her, and she watched how his eyes conflicted with his. How his heart and mind fought for dominance, telling him what he needed and what he believed he couldn’t have. He wanted to keep her close and needed to keep her close, but he believed he didn’t deserve her, so he was hesitant.</p><p>“I need you,” she said, catching his eyes. “I need you right now, to help me, please.”</p><p>He was already nodding, “Of course.”</p><p>“Then let yourself need me,” she said, reaching up and brushing his hair from his face. “It’s okay to need someone for a while when shit happens, Adrien.”</p><p>He stared at her for a long time, before with wide, astonished eyes, he let go of her hands and reached up with his before gently cupping her face. He pulled her closer and pressed his forehead to hers, both of them closing their eyes as they found the intimacy soothing to their fears.</p><p>“Then is it okay for me to love you?” he whispered to her. “Even when I’m like this?”</p><p>She nodded, “Yes.” She pressed closer to him, “But only if you let me love you, even when I’m like this.”</p><p>He paused.</p><p>“Always, My Lady.”</p><p>“Promise me.”</p><p>“I promise. Do you promise me?”</p><p>“I promise,” Marinette said, feeling like her insides were melting.</p><p>But it wasn’t just the sweetness of the moment making her fall in love with him all over again. It was the shedding of a burden, that was no longer solely hers to carry.</p><p>And no longer were they alone from now on. Because they had each other and having each other was making them stronger every day.</p><p>And, yes…</p><p>Somehow, that’s enough.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Annnnnnd I promised myself i wouldn't cry yet here I am. </p><p>I wanna thank everyone of you for sticking with me through this fic, thank you so much for the kudos, comments and just overall reading my story. This was one of the hardest stories I've every written, because the topic is so sad and sensitive that I wanted to call it out and bring light to it, despite maybe getting backlash. This story is not only dedicated to Jamari, my dear friend who's been with me from the beginning, but this story goes out to everyone that has struggled with depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, eating disorders, r4pe, mental disorder, learning disabilities, bullying, and of course, breakups and fighting with loved ones and losing loved ones as well. I would call out all the problems this society has made us "accountable" for, but we'd be here all night. </p><p>the point is, I promise you will get your Chat Noir someday. Someone will see you... just like someone finally sees me. </p><p>I see you, and I love you. </p><p>You are strong, beautiful, and created in God's image that is meant to be here, that is VITAL here. </p><p>Always keep fighting &lt;3</p><p>For Jamari, who is stronger than she thinks. <br/>~happt</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0046"><h2>46. Epilogue</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The end :)</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Please read the chapter before you read the announcement at the bottom :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chapter 46: Epilogue</p><p> </p><p>The colors and the lines were matching up perfectly with the other sketches, and the contrasting and complimenting shades were all blended into a beautiful pattern. There was almost nothing wrong with the layout on the desk; everything was working out perfectly as Marinette studied the design.</p><p>“Except for the front pocket in the jeans,” she muttered, shifting a few of the layouts around again. There was a different contrasting color to the patches on the pair of jeans, where the patches along the pants leg were pink and light shades of blue. Where the red patch on the front pocket actually looked nice, it didn’t fit exactly into that place.</p><p>“Maybe if I switch it to the back pockets and put white flowers stitches into the hem…” she said, grabbing her pencil and beginning to sketch a few small designs.</p><p>It took almost two minutes to draw the white flowers into the hem and to get them completely perfect, then she switched the pages, so she was looking at the back of the jeans and added a red shade to one of the back pockets. After shading the color in, she stepped back and looked at the pair of jeans in the layout, studying the front and back, making sure she was using the right shade of colors.</p><p>She smiled when a warm feeling appeared in her chest, “Perfect.”</p><p>Just as she was sitting down while placing the layouts back into the large plastic bag to keep them safe, she heard the phone on her desk suddenly chime, and she reached out and pressed the speak button.</p><p>“Yes?” she called.</p><p><em>“Hi Madame Dupain-Cheng, Mlle. Abreo is here to see you</em>.”</p><p>Marinette smiled, “Awesome, send her up. Thanks Kelly.”</p><p>The line went dead as Marinette continued to clean her desk, tucking smaller sketches and books back into her desk and also putting her high heels back on. She was just readjusting her crooked shirt when the glass door to her office opened, and the majestic figure of Mlle. Abreo entered.</p><p>“<em>Marinetta!” </em>she exclaimed, extending her arms to her.</p><p>Marinette took the hug gratefully and squeezed her mentor in a happy embrace, smiling even as she pulled away.</p><p>“Mlle. Abreo,” she said, taking her offered hands and looking at her. “How are you?”</p><p>“Oh, fantastic,” she said, waving her hand around as a smile broke her face. “I should have travelled the world sooner! Italy, Rome and Australia are very beautiful places,” she laughed and squeezed her hands back. “You’ve been missing out! I wish you had come with me.”</p><p>“Ah, you know,” Marinette said, in a slightly saddened tone. “I wish I could’ve, but I’ve got a business to run. It’s hard picking a business back up from the ground, and it took an entire year just to get it where it is now.”</p><p>“Very successful, you mean,” Mlle. Abreo said, taking the offered seat at the couch while Marinette sat across from her. “I hope you know what the entire world is saying about you! You’re a protégé, and an underdog in one. No one believed you could save this business!”</p><p>Marinette poured two glasses of scotch and handed one to Mlle. Abreo, smiling to herself. “It wasn’t easy,” she said, leaning back in her seat with her glass of scotch. She took a sip and swallowed the golden liquid, “But it’s kept my mind active and busy the last year.”</p><p>Mlle. Abreo nodded in understanding, “Well, you seem to be doing much better than you were last year.”</p><p>Marinette smiled, “I know, thank you.”</p><p>Mlle. Abreo smiled before taking her own small sip of the hard liquid in her glass, and that shared a moment of content silence, sipping their drinks.</p><p>“So, tell me,” Mlle. Abreo said, setting her glass down and sitting forward. “How has the former Agreste Brand been fairing?”</p><p>Marinette set her drink down as well, “It’s been… complicated.” She looked around the room, remembering how different it had been when she took the tour. “I’m not a businesswoman, never thought of myself as one until last year when I signed the contract. And I never thought I would have an entire tower to myself just to be designing for the rest of my life.”</p><p>“It suits you,” Mlle. Abreo said, leaning back again. “The pants suit makes you look more professional than you actually are.”</p><p>Marinette snorted, “Thanks,” as she took another sip from her glass.</p><p>Mlle. Abreo laughed and took a sip of her own.</p><p>“How is Adrien doing?” Mlle. Abreo asked after a brief pause. “No one sees him around anymore. It’s like he’s completely disappeared.”</p><p>“He hasn’t,” Marinette said, setting down her glass. “He still does favors and jobs for me every once in a while, when I need him. He’s just not modeling as much as he used to.” She perked up at the news she got just last week, “He told me he finally applied for college, and he’s going to get a degree in education and physics.”</p><p>Mlle. Abreo nodded approvingly, “So, he’s a smart one.” She snickered as she took another sip from her glass before setting the empty glass down. “Well, it was a smart move when he just <em>gave </em>the company to you.”</p><p>Marinette shrugged, “I was surprised too.”</p><p>Her phone suddenly dinged, and she picked it up from the table, and seeing who it was, she smiled.</p><p>“Speak of the devil,” she said, setting her glass down and opening her phone to her messages.</p><p>Mlle. Abreo got a look on her face, “Oh, goodness is that him?”</p><p>Marinette smiled sweetly as she read the message, not even hearing Mlle. Abreo’s sly comments afterwards.</p><p>
  <strong>Adrien: Looking forward to seeing you tonight Bugaboo </strong>
  <strong>😊</strong>
</p><p>She smiled as she typed out a response.</p><p>
  <strong>Marinette: I bet, you haven’t seen me once this week. </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Adrien is typing…</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Adrien: That’s because you leave before I wake up and come home when I’m asleep!</strong>
</p><p>Marinette laughed out loud before biting her lip and responding.</p><p>
  <strong>Marinette: I’ll see you tonight kitty, love you. </strong>
</p><p>“Is that your cue?” Mlle. Abreo said, standing with Marinette as she walked back to her desk.</p><p>“Yeah,” she said, almost tiredly as she leaned down to get her work bag. She stuffed her laptop and her phone in the pockets, as well as the few sketches she did randomly on the napkin her assistant brought up with lunch. “I’m leaving with Adrien tonight for a wedding we’re attending at <em>Les Clanques De Cassis </em>beach. It’s only a five-hour train ride, but the reception is tomorrow.”</p><p>Mlle. Abreo clapped her hands together, “Oh, how exciting!” She said, turning with Marinette as they walked to the door. “And who’s wedding is it?”</p><p>Marinette smiled, “A friend’s.”</p><p>.               .               .</p><p>“It’s not gonna fit!”</p><p>“Yes, it will, calm down.”</p><p>“The corset is too small! I knew it, I’m going to have those designers’ heads!”</p><p>“<em>I’m </em>the designer, Alya, calm down so I can finish cinching you up.”</p><p>Alya sighed as she braced herself against the bars again as Marinette pulled the strings one final time, the strings pulling the corset more around Alya’s waist and sides.</p><p>“I can’t breathe!” Alya gasped as she dropped her head back.</p><p>“You’re the one that wanted the corset, not me,” Marinette said, pulling the strings through a final hoop and then typing them in a tight bow in the back. “There,” she said, stepping away from her. “All done.”</p><p>“We still need the dress though,” Alya said, turning stiffly in the tight corset.</p><p>“Nah-uh, we are not getting makeup on that dress, it’s too perfect to get anything on it right now.” Marinette gestured at the chair for Alya to sit down. Once she did, Marinette opened the curtains into the bride’s tent, and let the two more figures in with makeup bags falling out of their arms.</p><p>“Finding your perfect color was literal <em>hell,” </em>Chanel said, setting her two bags along with boxes next to Alya on the counter.</p><p><em>“Literally,” </em>Claire said, dropping her assortments of eyeliners, brushes and beauty blenders on her side of Alya. “Your skin is such a unique color it’s hard to find the perfect shade of everything.”</p><p>“Tell me about it,” Alya bemoaned, sitting up so Chanel could start applying the concealer. “It’s hard enough just shopping as it is, shopping for <em>makeup </em>is damn hard.”</p><p>“And this is why you hired me,” Marinette said, leaning on the corner behind the girls. “So, you didn’t have to go shopping for anything.”</p><p>“Exactly,” she said, before pausing. “Well, finding the lingerie myself was fun.”</p><p>All four girls burst out laughing.</p><p>“I bet,” Marinette said, pushing herself off the corner to get a closer look at the makeup. “Looks great guys!”</p><p>“Thanks,” Chanel said, her eyes focused on the small dapping of her brush. “She’s not gonna be done for an hour, so why don’t you go find your honey boo boo.”</p><p>Marinette flushed, “Stop calling him that.”</p><p>“Not until I die, Dupain-Cheng,” Chanel said, smirking as she went for more concealer.</p><p>Marinette rolled her eyes, “Whatever,” she said, before turning from them and exiting the tent, and entering into the cold breeze of the beach.</p><p>She walked barefoot along the sand, the dry particles getting stuck between her toes as she hiked up her dress to keep it off the sand. Her hair blew in her face, her curls she did this morning most likely falling out from the breeze, but the warm/cold breeze was soothing to her skin, and she liked the way it made her feel.</p><p>“Marinette!”</p><p>Said girl turned just in time to see someone completely unexpected running her way.</p><p>She smiled, “Nino!” she said, as he jogged up to her and stopped. “You okay? What is it?”</p><p>“I’m fine,” the man reassured, waving it off. “How’s Alya? Is she okay?”</p><p>Marinette smiled sweetly, “She’s fine, Nino, she’s in good hands. You don’t need to worry about her.”</p><p>“I know, she just…” he shook his head and looked down nervously. “She told me she didn’t sleep last night and I’m nervous if she’s having second thoughts or something happened—”</p><p>“Nino,” Marinette said, touching his arm to stop him. “It’s going to be okay. A lot of brides don’t sleep the night before their big day, it’s because they’re excited.”</p><p>Nino looked at her, “You’re sure?”</p><p>“I’m sure,” Marinette smiled. “Alya told me she was, and I quote, ‘too busy daydreaming what it’s going to feel like to rub it in all our faces that she’s married to the best guy every.’”</p><p>Nino stared at her in astonishment, “She really said that?”</p><p>Marinette smiled, “Not in so many words.” But she nodded anyway, “But she meant it.”</p><p>Nino stared at her for a long moment, before his face broke into a proud, excited grin. “Okay,” he said, his voice calmer. “I’ll try and not cry when I see the amazing dress you made for her.”</p><p>Marinette smiled again, “Good luck with that.”</p><p>Nino grinned at her one last time before departing from her and walking towards the bride’s tent she just came from. She watched with amusement as Chanel refused to let him in, a stern expression on her face while she waved some makeup brush in his face and saying something about how she’s not ready.</p><p>She smiled, “Children,” she said, shaking her head. “I work with children.”</p><p>.               .               .</p><p>Marinette was ashamed to admit that she had let a few tears fall from her eyes when she stood, looked down the aisle from the alter at her, then saw the white figure beginning to glide towards them. Alya looked even more beautiful than she had only minutes before when Marinette had slipped the dress on her. Her face was veiled, and when she stood before an already tear jerked Nino as he lifted the veil from her face, the priest announced to them they could seal the deal, before he took her face and kissed her with tears in his eyes.</p><p>Claire and Chanel shed a few tears in the crowd, but Marinette and her date that stood behind Nino, watching the couple, ended up being the laughing stock of the group of friends.</p><p>It was maybe just sunset when the free dancing started, and Adrien, all dressed up and handsome, had taken a bathroom break after kissing her cheek and departing for the tent for that purpose.</p><p>She stood with Claire and Chanel now, and they all watched with suppressed giggles as Claire’s new boyfriend flipped a bottle onto the table with a few of his mates. The trend was apparently still trendy when Claire’s boyfriend decided it was.</p><p>“They’re just so pretty,” Claire said, looking around her. “Weddings, I mean.”</p><p>Marinette had to agree. The fairy lights hanging above heron poles were glittering in the new coming moonlight and the fading golden beams of sunlight were casting a beautiful shadow over the cliffs and shining a spotlight into the beach. The elegant way people were dressed, soft but still elaborate with they all dressed. Marinette was wearing a red, simple dress since she was the maid of honor, with a slip for her right leg that showed almost the entire limb. The other girls from high school she knew, Rose, Juleka, Mylene and Alix all joined. Marinette hasn’t seen the girls in over a year since they reunited, and it was good to see them and put the past behind them.</p><p>“Yeah,” Marinette agreed, coming back to present. “Very pretty,” she said, looking over the crowd.</p><p>Chanel snorted, “That’s because you two are in love,” she said rolling her eyes.</p><p>Marinette giggled at her friend, “You’ll find your special someone someday, Chanel, you just gotta be patient.”</p><p>Chanel actually laughed before taking a large sip of the glass of champagne she was holding. “No way,” she retorted, waving them off. “I am single for life. I don’t need all that relationship drama.”</p><p>Just as the was saying that, a really hot and tall man in a tuxedo, who looked about the same age as them all, pushed through the crowd and stopped in front of Chanel, his eyes desperate.</p><p>“Please help me, my mom will kill me if she catches me dancing alone again,” she said, and offered her hand. “She will literally beat the shit outta me.”</p><p>Chanel went pale with surprise as she stared up at the man, a confused yet astonished look in her eyes as he stared back at her.</p><p>It took way too long, and Marinette held her breath as Chanel carefully lifted her hand before sliding it into his palm. His fingers circled around hers delicately, and she saw the bright blush that appeared on her friend’s face.</p><p>The hot tuxedo guy was tugging her away when Chanel looked over her shoulder at her friends and giving them an overexaggerated look of approval.</p><p>Marinette and Claire gave her a big thumbs up before they got on the dance floor, and they immediately started talking easily, a bond forming between them already.</p><p>Clair and Marinette shared a loud laugh before Claire set off to go see her boyfriend, and Marinette was left alone on the sidelines as her very own date took too long in the bathroom.</p><p>“What is such a lovely lady doing standing all alone?”</p><p>Marinette’s face broke out in a smile as she slowly turned on her heel and faced the man already bathed in sunlight.</p><p>“Well,” she said, setting her own glass of champagne on a nearby table. “It just so happened my date has left my side.”</p><p>Adrien rolled his eyes and grinned, “For two minutes.”</p><p>“Three,” she corrected.</p><p>“I was peeing!”</p><p>Marinette laughed and stepped closer to him, taking his hand as she looked up into his playful, happy eyes. “You can make it up to me by dancing with me,” she said.</p><p>He smiled and took her other hand, “I would be honored.”</p><p>Adrien led her out onto the dance floor, and he wrapped her up in his arms while holding one hand out beside him, while the other held his shoulder. She pressed the side of her temple against his cheek and closed her eyes, feeling a warm sensation sprouting throughout her body. And it wasn’t just because of the hot sun beaming down on them and keeping everyone warm.</p><p>For a few minutes, the two of them enjoyed each other’s company just by swaying to the elegant music and the chittering voices around them. Everyone there seemed so happy in that moment, and Marinette was intending to hold onto that moment for the rest of her life. Of course, nowadays she was able to look and actually find the happiness she has craved for years, and yes, some days it is still hard. But with Adrien beside her, and her dream coming true while she danced hours away from the city and its problems, she couldn’t be happier.</p><p>“Plagg is missing out on the cheese platter,” Adrien said suddenly, bemoaning. “I had a feeling he would be pissed if I left without even a slice.”</p><p>Marinette snickered and turned her face more into his neck, finding solace there. “Someone needed to watch over the Miracle Box while we’re gone. I wasn’t going to take that thing to the wedding.”</p><p>“They both really wanted to come,” Adrien said slowly.</p><p>Marinette paused, “I know.” She snuggled closer to him, “But I really wanted to get you alone and have you all to myself this weekend.”</p><p>Adrien snorted, “You mean without them walking in on us and trying to strike up a conversation while we’re both… uh…”</p><p>“Exactly,” Marinette said, chuckling under his chin. “I love them both so much, but I wanted to keep you to myself this weekend.”</p><p>He chuckled, “Yes, ma’am.”</p><p>There was a brief pause of silence between them, and they just bathed and danced under the sunlight rays that shone down on them.</p><p>“You know,” Marinette spoke after a minute. “I never thought I would ever find myself dancing with you at someone else’s wedding.”</p><p>Adrien chuckled lightly, “And why not?”</p><p>“Oh, I don’t know,” she said, snuggling closer to him. “It seemed like a dream.”</p><p>“A dream?” Adrien asked.</p><p>Marinette smiled, “A dream come true.”</p><p>“Oh, okay, good,” Adrien said, holding her tighter. “I thought you were going to say something else and things were about to get really awkward.”</p><p>They both shared a loud laugh before falling into another comfortable silence, just swaying with each other and not bothering to let the world around them disturb their solace.</p><p>Except for the loud familiar laugh that launched into the air, and the couple looked up from their hiding places.</p><p>Nino was dancing with Alya, and he had taken the liberty to dip his now wife and kiss her senseless. She was giggling into the kiss and it made it hard for them to even fall into a rhythm of seeking each other’s intimate nature.</p><p>It was still beautiful, because they weren’t trying, and yet they were still happy.</p><p>Marinette smiled at her friends who stood straight again, “They look so happy.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Adrien agreed, before he turned to her and continued with their swaying. “I wonder what it’s like.”</p><p>Marinette raised her eyebrow, “What? To be dipped?” She hugged him closer and he wrapped his arms around her, “I’m sure I could try, but just for the record, you’re heavy.”</p><p>Adrien laughed, “No,” he said, still chuckling a little from the joke. “I mean… your wedding day.”</p><p>She smiled, “I’m sure there will be plenty of cake for you, Kitty, don’t worry.”   </p><p>He chuckled again, “Not if you eat all of it first. Plus, on our wedding day, we’re getting two cakes. One for the food fight, and one to actually eat.”</p><p>She laughed, “I’m counting on it.”</p><p>Adrien laughed while swaying with her some more, “Would you marry me? Even with my cake obsession?”</p><p>For a moment, Marinette thought she had heard him wrong. That he just mixed up his words and meant to say something else. He did that a lot, it wasn’t unnatural.</p><p>But how on earth do you mess up asking someone to marry you? And how on earth did he say it so casually?</p><p>Marinette felt her heart pounding in her chest as she stopped their swaying and pulled back from him, just far enough to look up at him.</p><p>“Adrien Agreste,” she said, tilting her head. “Did you just ask me to marry you?”</p><p>Adrien’s face suddenly paled and he completely froze in her hands.</p><p>“I-I—” he looked anywhere but at her, his eyes panicked. “I-I—that’s not what I meant,” he rushed out.</p><p>She raised an eyebrow, “So, you didn’t just ask me to marry you?”</p><p>He paled again.</p><p>“I-I mean!” his voice had jumped a whole new octave as he began stumbling over his words. “Of course, I wanna marry you, I just… d-didn’t mean for—uh—the uh, special question to suddenly pop up and I uh—” He reached up and scratched the back of his neck, his face already burning red. “I’m just—you know—not prepared! I don’t even have a ring—I mean, I’m looking and all but I just—”</p><p>He suddenly stopped and looked at her, his body rigid as she stared up at him. He suddenly slumped his shoulders in defeat and gave her a sad, but sweet smile.</p><p>“Of course, I’m not asking you right now, but I do want that from you as well, even if I’m not asking right this second.” He nervously looked at her, his eyes glinting with anxiety as he studied her. His face fell into a more depressed look, and he was no longer smiling suddenly. “Listen… if you wanted to say no, I uh,” he looked at her, his eyes shining. “I’d understand.”</p><p>Marinette stared at him, feeling a rush of frustration and confusion suddenly come over her.</p><p>“No?” she asked, confused and scared. “Why would I say no?”</p><p>Adrien stared at her for a long time, before his eyes slowly let in hope. “W-What does that m-mean?” he stuttered, staring at her anxiously.</p><p>Marinette stared up at him for a long time, feeling a rush of calm suddenly wash away her fear and confusion, and replaced it with a calming aroma of feeling safe. She felt as if she had just dropped into their bed after a long, hard day and she was about to cry herself to sleep when his arms wrapped her in his embrace.</p><p><em>“It’s okay,” </em>he had said, holding her. <em>“I’ve got you.” </em></p><p>But that was in the past. Now he could just kiss her and wash away her worries.</p><p>Marinette smiled up at him before sighing heavily, “Well,” she said, and resumed their swaying as if nothing happened. “I guess it means I should start looking out for a ring then. Wouldn’t want to swallow it with a glass of champagne.”</p><p>Adrien laughed nervously, “Yeah, wouldn’t want that.”</p><p>There was another brief silence as they both thought deeply.</p><p>“But would you though?” Adrien asked, his tone more serious as he looked down into her eyes. “When I ask you?”</p><p>Marinette stared up at him in wonder.</p><p>
  <em>When. </em>
</p><p>She smiled up at him, feeling her soul being both touched and filled completely.</p><p>“I would,” she said, finally.</p><p>Adrien smiled widely, a plan already forming inside his mind as he grinned down on her.</p><p>They didn’t say much else after that, instead of embracing each other once again and falling into rhythm with the beat of the elegant music. It wasn’t until that night, did they finally shed their shells, and shared the last part of each other they had kept under wraps for most of the time.</p><p>This was the ending of the turmoil that had put them all into a depression and forced each other away from the person they loved. Life had gotten in the way, and life had almost destroyed them.  </p><p>But remember, this isn’t the ending of their story. In fact, it was just the beginning.</p><p>So, no, it wasn’t an ending.</p><p>But it was a promise.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>As you can most likely tell, Afterglow is FINALLY finished, and so I can give 100% focus on my next project, which I’m so excited about!!!</p><p>This has been a wild ride, but Afterglow is old news, now onto the announcement 😊</p><p>Now… yall remember Falling… right? If not, you can find it in my works. </p><p>But, apparently, their story isn’t finished yet. </p><p>I am SO EXCITED to announce that the sequel to Falling will be coming this April 16th, the anniversary of the first Falling! And to add a little more sweetness to it, my good friend fizzart.draws on Instagram will be doing the art for it! A poster is to be expected soon! Love you bud 😊 </p><p>Also! Jamariuhh on Instagram has made a trailer that will be posted in a few minutes on my Instagram, being_happy_official go check it out! </p><p>As for the title… Falling: The Darker Half and the summary is available on my Instagram only. </p><p>Anyways. </p><p>You guys can freak out now XD</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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